Buy or Sell
Stock: QB Donovan McNabb
Trader’s Rec: BUY. Looks like the old Don is back this year. He even ran for a first down once. No, you didn’t imagine that.
Stock: Dallas’ 2008 Super Bowl
Trader’s Rec: SELL. Wonder what’s gonna happen when they face a real defense (you know, one that’ll drop safeties deep to stop bombs to T.O.)
Stock: Andy Reid’s two-minute offense
Trader’s Rec: SELL. Why did you buy this in the first place? This stock has been a dud since 2004.
Stock: WR DeSean Jackson
Trader’s Rec: HOLD … onto the ball, your moron.
Stock: S Roy Williams
Trader’s Rec: SELL. Hurts when someone else’s shot breaks a bone, doesn’t it? And this one wasn’t even a cheap shot.
Stock: WR Mike Vick
Trader’s Rec: BUY. It’s only nine months until the Eagles sign him to a free agent contract. Trust me, buy into it early.
Top Performers
QB: Jay Cutler, 38.60 pts – sitting on Paul’s bench
RB: Brian Westbrook, 32.80 pts – started by Ant
WR: Brandon Marshall, 35.07 pts – started by Neal
TE: Tony Scheffler, 22.77 pts – started by Paul
K: Ryan Longwell, 19.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Green Bay, 24.00 pts – started by Joel
D: Justin Tuck, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
Paul had about 10 other top performers too, en route to a 176-point week and reclaiming the first place spot he held most of last year. So we’re back to hating him.
Worst Performers, all positions edition
3rd place: TE Greg Olsen, -1.53 pts – started by Bob
2nd place: Denver, -3.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: St. Louis, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire
Hot tip for your team: So far, the St. Louis defense is worth -10 pts this season. If you’ve been scoring too many points, consider grabbing them.
Fun with trends
-- Broncos QB Jay Cutler is on pace for a 5,200-yard passing season. Eagles QB Donovan McNabb is on pace for a disappointing 5,136 yards. Patriots QB Tom Brady is still on pace for a 78-yard passing season.
-- Eagles rookie WR DeSean Jackson is on pace for a 96-catch, 1,728-yard season with zero TDs (because he keeps dropping the ball at the one.)
-- The Rams are on pace to score 128 points and only 8 TDs but give up 632 en route to a 0-16 season.
-- Vikings RB Adrian Peterson is on pace to run you down like a dog this year. Seriously, I’m having nightmares about him after the Colts game Sunday.
Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award
Ignoring that Big Andy, with the game on the line, yet again called a 10-yard pass play on fourth and 17 … I’m gonna eat crow and lay out my best fantasy move in a while.
On Sunday, nervous that LT might not play, I picked up his backup (Darren Sproles) but then decided not to start him. LT did start and get me 5.53 pts, but Sproles totaled 27.94 pts on my bench.
But even better than that, to get Sproles onto my bench I dropped my starting defensive player, San Fran’s Patrick Willis … who had an 89-yard interception return for a TD on Sunday. Total he had another 14 points, and that’s a grand total of more than 36 points I lost with one move (enough to move me up five spots in the standings).
That’s quality coaching, kids. Learn from the master.
Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Sure, last night’s loss was painful. But you can take hope that it was only the second game of the season, something that the “Dallas Cowboys’ Kevin Burnett” knows well. Just look at what his name spells out:
*** O, be brave: Lucky wins don’t last ***
Let’s hope he’s right.
Our standings so far
1st place: I heart WRs, Paul – 266.95 pts
2nd place: Porkchop Express, Neal – 251.19 pts
3rd place: The Moravians, Bob – 250.30
Meanwhile, Jo and I are last and 11th place, respectively. Thanks for playing nice while I was gone, jerks.
News and notes
-- Delaware won it’s first game of the year this weekend, thumping West Chester 48-20. The Hens outrushed the Golden Rams by a slim 308-16 margin, and even blocked an extra-point attempt just to add insult to injury. Next up: the #23 Furman Paladins. Division I-AA has some real mascot problems.
-- Which one of you let Kerry Collins get another starting QB job while I was gone?
-- I think I’m already down 40 games to my father on the season picks, despite the fact they’ve only played 31. I also think my calculator might have gotten messed up in Iraq.
4 comments:
FYI to post a "less than" symbol use "& l t ;" without the spaces:
I <3 WRs
Just in case you need to use it in the future.
I had heard about Kerry Collins starting for some team. I was stunned as well. I can only assume this was Ant's doing. Don't blame me.
Oh, I knew how to spell out the name, but I feel like you lose some of the soul of it.
Besides, this will be the last week you're in the top three, so it shouldn't really matter...
Now that my power is finally back on...welcome back man! Just in time for the battle of Pennsylvania. Feel free to let all of your receivers spike the ball at the 1. Go Steelers!
BTW...because I know you like to keep up with all the hot peewee action, the Gahanna Texans (motto: we don't have a QB either) have started off a disappointing 0-2. However we did go from a 40-0 opening loss to an 18-12 loss. That, my friend, is progress!
What? I was putting all my playoff hopes on the Gahanna Texans.
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