Reports from camp

Veterans started coming into camp today, and in a show of sportsmanship many of the old-timers made sure to catch up with the rookies and give them advice on life in the NFL. I couldn’t make it up to Lehigh myself but my sources around camp made sure to report back to me on some of their tidbits:

RB Correll Buckhalter (speaking with new RB Tony Hunt):
“When you hit the line, really push from the bottom of your feet. You’re gonna feel a lot of torque in your knees, but don’t worry about that. This training staff is really good at preventing knee injuries.”

C Jamaal Jackson (speaking with C Jasper Harvey)
“You might want to practice handling the ball when it’s really wet and slimy – really, really slimy, like someone lost their lunch on it. I’m just saying, it comes in useful.”

DE Jerome McDougal (speaking with DE Marques Murrell)
“Hey, I’m as surprised as you are that I’m still on the roster.

WR Greg Lewis (speaking with WR Zac Collie)
“Yeah, I understand you went to BYU too, but I’m telling you it doesn’t buy you any help. If big Andy is hungry, and you drop a pass, he will eat you. What do you think happened to Freddie Mitchell?”

QB Donovan McNabb (speaking with QB Kevin Kolb):
“Go away.”

CB Sheldon Brown (speaking with CB Rashard Barksdale)
“You can go talk to him, but I’m not introducing you. I’m still afraid of Kearse. I don’t think your arms are supposed to reach that far.”

FB Thomas Tapeh (speaking with RB Nate Ilaoa)
“I wouldn’t worry about those passing drills too much – this isn’t really a passing offense. Besides, they’ll still throw to you even if you drop every single pass your way. ”

FS Brian Dawkins (speaking with FS C.J. Gaddis)
“No, I didn’t know that you’re a safety out of Clemson too. That’s pretty cool. Did you know I can snap a grown man in two like a twig? No? Why don’t you back off a little then.

QB Koy Detmer (speaking with LB Akeem Jordan)
“Yeah, I know my name isn’t on there, but trust me: I always make the team.”

More phun phacts

I found some more training camp tidbits for ya:

Jason Davis – FB, 3rd year
Phun Phact: He is one of three fullbacks on the team, all of whom are under 250 pounds and can’t catch passes. But he’s the only one who’s also under six feet tall (5-11) so that sets him apart.

Kevin Curtis – WR, 6th year
Phun Phact: Curtis is a Mormon, decreasing his chances of being eaten by Andy Reid during an angry cut-day binge session. Cannibalism is part of their religion, you know.

Ryan Moats – RB, 4th year
Phun Phact: He took a Western Caribbean cruise with his wife in 2007. Apparently, the Eagles PR staff thinks that’s interesting enough to include in his official biography.

William Thomas – OT, 11th year
Phun Phact: Formerly known as “Tra Thomas,” he began using his real name during the 2006 offseason. Also, next year he plans to change his name to “Thurman Thomas” and then “Donovan McNabb Thomas” in 2009.

Dereck Faulkner – WR, rookie year
Phun Phact: He was born in Germany, says he grew up idolizing Mike Quick and played all of his college ball at little-seen Hampton University. Sounds like a foreign spy to me, possibly communist.

Takeo Spikes – LB, 11th year
Phun Phact: If you come across the middle, he will straight-up murder you.

Training for training camp

With Eagles training camp coming up this week, here's a quick guide to some names you should know on the team.

Sav Rocca – P, rookie year
Phun Phact: Rocca is a well-known Australian Rules Futebal player who came to American with the singular goal of kicking Dirk Johnson’s ass.

Max Jean-Gilles – OG, 2nd year
Phun Phact: He has both the biggest girth on the team (358 pounds) and the girliest name on the team (Max Jean-Gilles).

Erick Harris – S, 2nd year
Phun Phact: He has played Division 1-AA college football, NFL Europe football, and Arena League 2 football, but not any pro ball. And he won’t this year either.

Jon Dorenbos – LS, 6th year
Phun Phact: He’s the Eagles long snapper. His name is not Mike Bartrum.

Brian Dawkins – S, 13th year
Phun Phact: Dawk needs two sacks to become the third man in NFL history to record 20 interceptions and 20 sacks in a career. Also, with four more sacks, he will officially have to register with police as a deadly weapon.

Rashad Barksdale – CB, rookie year
Phun Phact: His middle name is unique. No, not unusual. “Unique.” And, ironically, there’s nothing else special about him listed in the media guide.

Trying to let go

So I'm watching that baseball game Sunday night, and in the eighth inning Ryan Howard leads off with a double, the first extra-base hit of the night for the team (which trails 10-zip). Aaron Rowan strikes out, and Pat Burrell follows with a pop-up.

Greg Dobbs comes to bat, and the Cardinals reliver bounces a pitch five feet in front of home plate and over the catcher's head. Howard breaks for third, but the third base coach John Vukovich inexplicably waves him off as the ball rolls around. Ryan retreats to second, and the crowd starts booing at the horrible call.

Announcer Joe Morgan immediatley launches into a tirade, asking what the fans are thinking and noting "it's not like one run is going to matter anyway."

And that's the difference between loyal Philly fans and loyal idiot baseball fans. One expects their team to be trying no matter what, and the other thinks you should be content with losing.

By the way, 44,872 fans attended the historic Phillies loss Sunday. That's better than the attendance at three of the Braves last five home playoff games.

I'm going to break with tradition here and try to be postive about the recent and inevitable events with the Phillies. so, here are 10,000 reasons why 10,000 losses aren't such a bad thing to worry about:

1 -- The Phillies have been around forever.
The reason the Phils have so many losses is because they're officially the oldest team in baseball (124 years, to be exact). No other MLB team has been around longer under the same name -- the Phils have always been the Phils, never the Beanaters or Alleghenys or Redlegs. So of course they have the most losses.

2 -- Those are mostly away numbers.
While the Phils overall record is under .500, their home record since 1883 is 4,840-4,576 -- a healthy .514 winning percentage. So more people have seen the Phils lose when they are the visiting team. When they're around fans, they tend to do better.

3 -- The Braves will be there soon enough.
Currently they're in second place on the all-time losses list, at just under 9,700. By the end of the 2012 season they'll reach the dubious milestone too. Only when they hit it, there won't be thousands of extra fans at the park to boo. They'll be the typical apathetic 15,000 attendance for the lousy Hotlanta fans.

4 -- You don't have to worry about the next bad benchmark.
Even if things keep going downhill at the same rate, 20,000 won't come until around 2140, well after we're all watching games from the bleacher seats up in heaven. True, we could still be around for loss 15,000 in 2072, but nobody cares about those midway milestones.

5 -- At least they won one World Series.
Fans in Milwaukee, Seattle, Tampa Bay, Colorado, San Diego, and San Francisco can say their teams have fewer losses, but they also have a combined zero World Series. And the state of Texas has never seen a World Series winner. So at least Philly has a few (very few) glory days of baseball to look back on.

6 to 9,999 -- Why don't you shut it up over there before Chase Utley comes over and makes you shut it up?

10,000 -- It's the ultimate trump card.
Boston had another four-game losing streak? The Niners were supposed to be good this year and they stink? The Red Wings haven't won a title in five years? Tell them to cry you a freakin' river. Your baseball team has lost 10,000 games, and you're still rooting for them. So they can just quit their complaining or admit to being the lousy front-runners they are.

And, if they don't take kindly to that, Chase Utley has something to say to them.

iFalse iAdvertising

In case you missed it this week, Apple began selling its first iphones – pocket sized wonder toys that can make calls, surf the web, play mp3s, show movies …

But there are a few things the device can do that Apple has decided not to advertise. Here are some of the rejected uses for the $600 gadget:

Bottle opener

Listening to Bill Gates podcasts

Fashionable jewelry

Finding directions for the nearest payphone

Playing Pong

Editor's wife's note: Suck it Mac. He did this completely with Microsoft Paint.