For the record, Donovan McNabb is not first in the NFC in TD passes; he's actually second. Eli Manning has eight TDs so far, to go along with his five INTs and two losses on the season.
I apologize for the confusion. Once again I got "first in the NFC" confused with "first in the NFC among winning QBs" or "First in the NFC among QBs who have won in the playoffs" or "First among QBs who have managed to lead their team to at least one point in the playoffs" or "First among QBs who at least are among the top two QBs in their own family" or "First among QBs whose teams know what state they play in."
I'll try not to let it happen again.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 3
---- Top Performers
QB: Matt Hasselback, 33.08 points -- started by Joel
RB: Brian Westbrook, 38.83 points -- started by Neal
WR: TJ Whosyourmama, 27.27 points -- started by Ant
TE: Eric Johnson, 18.80 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
K: John Kasay, 20.00 points -- was on the waiver wire, now Paulie’s
DEF: Cincinnati, 20.00 points -- started by Jim
Little known fact: TJ's name was legally changed to Whosyourmoma after the popularity of that commercial.
---- Worst Performers, backup RB edition
3rd place: Anthony Thomas, 0.10 points -- sitting on Ant's bench
2nd place: DeAngelo Williams, -0.10 points -- sitting on Mike's bench
1st place: Rock Cartwright, -0.50 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
Williams had -1 yards rushing on four attempts Sunday after getting 74 yards rushing and another 24 receiving the week before. Sucks to be him.
---- The Andy Reid blown call of the week
Jim should get the award this week: He started TO, who is both hurt and on a bye, then started two more players who scored zero points while leaving Clinton Portis (27 points) and 18 more points on his bench.
On any other week, he would run away with this award.
But Jeff made a late push to get the honors this week with some truly baffling coaching. Still refusing to use the waiver wire, he managed to carry two kickers on the bye this week, costing him a few field goals there. Then he benched Steve Smith for his first game back, forgot to put anyone in his place, and started another WR who gained no points.
---- “Don’t look now” stats of the week
** Donovan McNabb is leading the league in passing yards (960), leading the NFC in passer rating (105.3) and leading the NFC in passing TDs (seven).
** The Washington –expletive deleted- are leading the league in offensive penalty yards (260) and third in the league in defensive penalty yards (207).
** The New Jersey Giants defense has posted the second fewest sacks in the league (2) and allowed the most TDs in the league (eight).
** The Cowboys are still winless in games where TO catches a touchdown pass. (Still 0-1).
---- Stupidest thing I heard this week
Credit goes to Jo on this one, for recognizing its stupidity while I was still trying to recover from the brain spasms it caused.
Mike Tirico, after the Saints blocked a punt and returned it for a TD in the first few minutes of Monday’s game in N’Orwleens, yelped “You could not have scripted a better start than this!”
So many problems with that:
1 –- Tony Kornheiser made the exact same statement 10 seconds earlier. Tirico repeated it again a few seconds later. I get it – it was a good play. Thanks for beating it to death.
2 –- Yes, I could have scripted a better start. Here goes: The Saints win the coin flip, and the walk-on WR who grew up in the lower ninth ward returns the kickoff 109 yards to set a new NFL record and give his team a 7-0 lead a mere 10 seconds into the game.
3 -– Prove to me that wasn’t scripted. Really, Hotlanta rushed for 306 yards against Tampa but can’t break off one 10-yard run the whole game? Alge Crumpler just happened to drop everything in site? And it just happened that the Falcons had their worst game so far during the Saints’ homecoming?
We’ve all known that this league has been rigged since Adam Vinitieri kicked his second last-play Super-Bowl-winning field goal. Just come out and admit it already.
---- College football update
** Just when you thought semi-professional sports couldn’t get more unpredictable, the unthinkable happened in the Temple game this weekend: They scored a touchdown. The Western Michigan Buffaloes allowed an 80-yard touchdown drive, culminating in a 11-yard rush to paydirt, in the third quarter of its pathetic 41-7 win over the Owls.
For the season, Temple has now been outscored by a much more respectable 174-10 in four games.
** Delaware beat Rhode Island 24-17 in the annual “Battle of the mini-states,” proving once again that Delaware is huge compared to that weenie little truck stop up north.
---- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
The 'boys will be back next week, and so will their brewing QB controversy. So before he takes over the helm of Hades, let's look at "Dallas Cowboys backup quarterback Tony Romo" and see what we can find:
*** A crock. Moron lobs rock up, away badly. Bet squat. ***
I'm telling ya, these things write themselves.
-- Our standings so far
** First place: Get drunk and screw, Neal – 425.64 points
** Second place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi – 405.61 points
** Third place: The War on Terrell, Mike – 401.02 points
** Fourth place: Dawk will cut you, Capt. Awesome – 385.75 points
Hmmmm ... I wonder why I decided to show the top four this time instead of just the top three? Oh well...
---- For the record
** There were 23 rushing TDs this weekend, but 24 fumbles. There were 35 passing TDs but 25 INTs. I don’t really have any frame of reference for whether that’s a bad scoring-to-turnover ratio, but I’m pretty sure it means everybody sucks.
** There is nothing more fun than watching a 292-pound defensive lineman rumble 98-yards on a fumble return for a TD ... unless you get to see the Eagles defensive backs manhandle Niners QB Alex Smith while it happens.
** Only one team failed to score a TD this week –- Hotlanta –- but since it was the highest watched game in ESPN history (10.8 million viewers) I felt the need to point out how embarrassing that was.
** The race for the number 1 pick next year (Notre Dame’s Brady Quinn, who will be a tremendous bust) tightened up this week. Detroit, Houston, Tampa Bay and Cleveland are all 0-3, and Oakland narrowly avoided a loss on its bye this week.
QB: Matt Hasselback, 33.08 points -- started by Joel
RB: Brian Westbrook, 38.83 points -- started by Neal
WR: TJ Whosyourmama, 27.27 points -- started by Ant
TE: Eric Johnson, 18.80 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
K: John Kasay, 20.00 points -- was on the waiver wire, now Paulie’s
DEF: Cincinnati, 20.00 points -- started by Jim
Little known fact: TJ's name was legally changed to Whosyourmoma after the popularity of that commercial.
---- Worst Performers, backup RB edition
3rd place: Anthony Thomas, 0.10 points -- sitting on Ant's bench
2nd place: DeAngelo Williams, -0.10 points -- sitting on Mike's bench
1st place: Rock Cartwright, -0.50 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
Williams had -1 yards rushing on four attempts Sunday after getting 74 yards rushing and another 24 receiving the week before. Sucks to be him.
---- The Andy Reid blown call of the week
Jim should get the award this week: He started TO, who is both hurt and on a bye, then started two more players who scored zero points while leaving Clinton Portis (27 points) and 18 more points on his bench.
On any other week, he would run away with this award.
But Jeff made a late push to get the honors this week with some truly baffling coaching. Still refusing to use the waiver wire, he managed to carry two kickers on the bye this week, costing him a few field goals there. Then he benched Steve Smith for his first game back, forgot to put anyone in his place, and started another WR who gained no points.
---- “Don’t look now” stats of the week
** Donovan McNabb is leading the league in passing yards (960), leading the NFC in passer rating (105.3) and leading the NFC in passing TDs (seven).
** The Washington –expletive deleted- are leading the league in offensive penalty yards (260) and third in the league in defensive penalty yards (207).
** The New Jersey Giants defense has posted the second fewest sacks in the league (2) and allowed the most TDs in the league (eight).
** The Cowboys are still winless in games where TO catches a touchdown pass. (Still 0-1).
---- Stupidest thing I heard this week
Credit goes to Jo on this one, for recognizing its stupidity while I was still trying to recover from the brain spasms it caused.
Mike Tirico, after the Saints blocked a punt and returned it for a TD in the first few minutes of Monday’s game in N’Orwleens, yelped “You could not have scripted a better start than this!”
So many problems with that:
1 –- Tony Kornheiser made the exact same statement 10 seconds earlier. Tirico repeated it again a few seconds later. I get it – it was a good play. Thanks for beating it to death.
2 –- Yes, I could have scripted a better start. Here goes: The Saints win the coin flip, and the walk-on WR who grew up in the lower ninth ward returns the kickoff 109 yards to set a new NFL record and give his team a 7-0 lead a mere 10 seconds into the game.
3 -– Prove to me that wasn’t scripted. Really, Hotlanta rushed for 306 yards against Tampa but can’t break off one 10-yard run the whole game? Alge Crumpler just happened to drop everything in site? And it just happened that the Falcons had their worst game so far during the Saints’ homecoming?
We’ve all known that this league has been rigged since Adam Vinitieri kicked his second last-play Super-Bowl-winning field goal. Just come out and admit it already.
---- College football update
** Just when you thought semi-professional sports couldn’t get more unpredictable, the unthinkable happened in the Temple game this weekend: They scored a touchdown. The Western Michigan Buffaloes allowed an 80-yard touchdown drive, culminating in a 11-yard rush to paydirt, in the third quarter of its pathetic 41-7 win over the Owls.
For the season, Temple has now been outscored by a much more respectable 174-10 in four games.
** Delaware beat Rhode Island 24-17 in the annual “Battle of the mini-states,” proving once again that Delaware is huge compared to that weenie little truck stop up north.
---- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
The 'boys will be back next week, and so will their brewing QB controversy. So before he takes over the helm of Hades, let's look at "Dallas Cowboys backup quarterback Tony Romo" and see what we can find:
*** A crock. Moron lobs rock up, away badly. Bet squat. ***
I'm telling ya, these things write themselves.
-- Our standings so far
** First place: Get drunk and screw, Neal – 425.64 points
** Second place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi – 405.61 points
** Third place: The War on Terrell, Mike – 401.02 points
** Fourth place: Dawk will cut you, Capt. Awesome – 385.75 points
Hmmmm ... I wonder why I decided to show the top four this time instead of just the top three? Oh well...
---- For the record
** There were 23 rushing TDs this weekend, but 24 fumbles. There were 35 passing TDs but 25 INTs. I don’t really have any frame of reference for whether that’s a bad scoring-to-turnover ratio, but I’m pretty sure it means everybody sucks.
** There is nothing more fun than watching a 292-pound defensive lineman rumble 98-yards on a fumble return for a TD ... unless you get to see the Eagles defensive backs manhandle Niners QB Alex Smith while it happens.
** Only one team failed to score a TD this week –- Hotlanta –- but since it was the highest watched game in ESPN history (10.8 million viewers) I felt the need to point out how embarrassing that was.
** The race for the number 1 pick next year (Notre Dame’s Brady Quinn, who will be a tremendous bust) tightened up this week. Detroit, Houston, Tampa Bay and Cleveland are all 0-3, and Oakland narrowly avoided a loss on its bye this week.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 2
---- Top Performers
QB: Rex Grossman, 35.56 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 29.50 points -- started by Ant
WR: Amani "It's not a" Toomer, 33.13 points -- started by Neal
TE: Desmond Clark, 16.67 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
K: Nate Kaeding, 17.00 points -- started by Jeff
DEF: Baltimore, 32.00 points -- started by Heidi
Yeah, I was surprised Peyton Manning (400 yards, 3TDs, 34.20 points) wasn't at the top too.
---- Worst Performers, "awful teams" edition
3rd place: Kerry Collins, -1.72 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
2nd place: Aaron Brooks, -4.00 points -- sitting on Ant's bench
1st place: Tennessee, -6.00 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
Brooks had no completions and two fumbles in his game. Meanwhile, Tennessee's defense was as bad as can be, giving up 40 points and recording no sacks, turnovers, or any other signs of life.
---- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
Nevermind -- we're back to honoring Andy with this one.
In fact, Andy's coaching was so bad he gets the award this week. Second and one? That's a passing down. Third and one? That's a passing down. Fourth and one? That's definitely a passing down. Fifth and one? Well, now we're talking about college football referees...
If Reid had pulled the entire team off the field before the fourth quarter started, I'm not sure the result would have been worse. And Shockey might have ended up with a few catches then.
Honorable mention goes to Jeff, who's gonna start Panthers WR Steve Smith no matter what the injury report says (Two weeks, no points).
---- Stupidest thing I heard this week
First thing Monday morning, I heard this gem on DC sports radio from Andy Pollie (who is a pretty good sports guys for considering he roots for a soulless, inept and borderline racist franchise):
"So the Redskins first team offense is still struggling, and the team looks as if it's headed to an 0-6 start, but it's not time to panic yet."
They're playing the Texans next week. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't predicting an 0-6 start two games into the season with Houston on the way the very definition of panicking?
---- Fun with stat projections, week 2
** Eagles DE Trent Cole has four sacks and is on pace for 32 for the season. The record, as you know from last week, is 22 (and not 22.5)
** Colts QB Peyton Manning has 676 passing yards and is on pace for 5,408 for the season. For comparison's sake, the current record is 5,084 yards by Dan Marino in 1984. Incidentally, the record for complaints about Dan Marino in a single afternoon is held by my father, also at 5,084.
** Hotlanta RB Warrick Dunn has 266 rushing yards and is on pace to rush for 2,128 yards. For comparison's sake, the current record is 2,105 by Eric Dickerson in 1984. (What was going on in 1984?)
** Broncos QB Jake Plummer has five turnovers (four INTs, one fumble) and is on pace for 40 turnovers on the year. He also is on pace to throw zero touchdowns this season.
** Saints RB Reggie Bush has 72 yards rushing and is on pace for the most exciting 576 yards rushing the NFL has ever seen. He's also on pace to crack the 1,000 yard rushing barrier in week 11 of the 2007 season, at which point he should achieve sainthood.
---- Stupidest thing I read this week
In case you missed Sports Illustrated this week, here’s a bit from their column on the lowlights of sideline reporting over the last 20 years:
“In 2005, Nebraska coach Bill Callahan is doused with Gatorade after a win over Colorado. ABC’s Suzy Schuster asks him, ‘Was that one of the most gratifying dumps you’ve had?’”
---- Bad college football updates
** The Temple Owls lost 62-0 to Minnesota on Saturday, the second week in a row they've lost by that tally. The team is 0-3 and has been outscored 133 to 3 so far this season. On the positive side, they are averaging an easy-to-calculate 1.0 points per game.
** The Delaware Fighting Blue Hens lost to the Albany Great Danes 17-10 Saturday in the much hyped "mascots with misleading superlatives" bowl. Even more upsetting than the heavily favored Hens taking a hit in their quest for another I-AA championship, Delaware LB Shon Jablonsky did not play in the contest.
** The Division III Ursinus College Baby Bears beat the Division I-AA LaSalle Explorers 6-2 on Saturday in one of the program's biggest wins ever. The exciting contest was 0-2 at the half and featured back-to-back pass interference penalties against LaSalle before the Bears scored their only TD.
** In Division II action, Midwestern State beat Northeastern State 73-34 in a shootout that was clearly made up by the NCAA because neither of these schools actually exists. Midwestern State vs. Northeastern State? C'mon. Next up on the schedule is Pacific Northwest University vs. Traditional Southern Black College.
---- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Let's stay on the Cowboys new players theme and see what "Dallas Cowboys Kicker Mike Vanderjagt" has coming:
**** Go-to jerk lacks aim, clanks wide. Very bad. ****
For the record, Vanderjagt was two-for-two on field goals this Sunday but two-for-five on attempts in the preseason, including three misses on game-winning attempts. So the anagrams must be true. It's the only explanation.
-- Our standings so far
** First place: Get drunk and screw, Neal -- 298.36 points
** Second place: The War on Terrell, Mike -- 293.03 points
** Third place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi -- 290.95 points
And there's a lovely 28-point gulf between third and fourth, meaning team "Just returned from Prague" is starting to pull away. But how about Neal? Where'd that come from? That’s like Trent Cole having four sacks. Who knew?
---- For the record
** This week only six teams didn’t score any touchdowns. Last week it was seven, so the quality of play must be getting better, right?
** And while we’re talking about lousy football, Monday featured five baseball games that had more scoring than that 9 to zip clunker thrown down by Pittsburgh and Jacksonville. Maybe they had trouble keeping their balance on that field, considering it’s covered in Donovan puke (two games there, two McNabb losses, two lost lunches there).
** In case seeing David Akers get in a fight during the Giants game on Sunday wasn't enough kickers kicking ass for you, I present the video of David Akers with his favorite hobby: kickboxing.
QB: Rex Grossman, 35.56 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 29.50 points -- started by Ant
WR: Amani "It's not a" Toomer, 33.13 points -- started by Neal
TE: Desmond Clark, 16.67 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
K: Nate Kaeding, 17.00 points -- started by Jeff
DEF: Baltimore, 32.00 points -- started by Heidi
Yeah, I was surprised Peyton Manning (400 yards, 3TDs, 34.20 points) wasn't at the top too.
---- Worst Performers, "awful teams" edition
3rd place: Kerry Collins, -1.72 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
2nd place: Aaron Brooks, -4.00 points -- sitting on Ant's bench
1st place: Tennessee, -6.00 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
Brooks had no completions and two fumbles in his game. Meanwhile, Tennessee's defense was as bad as can be, giving up 40 points and recording no sacks, turnovers, or any other signs of life.
---- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
Nevermind -- we're back to honoring Andy with this one.
In fact, Andy's coaching was so bad he gets the award this week. Second and one? That's a passing down. Third and one? That's a passing down. Fourth and one? That's definitely a passing down. Fifth and one? Well, now we're talking about college football referees...
If Reid had pulled the entire team off the field before the fourth quarter started, I'm not sure the result would have been worse. And Shockey might have ended up with a few catches then.
Honorable mention goes to Jeff, who's gonna start Panthers WR Steve Smith no matter what the injury report says (Two weeks, no points).
---- Stupidest thing I heard this week
First thing Monday morning, I heard this gem on DC sports radio from Andy Pollie (who is a pretty good sports guys for considering he roots for a soulless, inept and borderline racist franchise):
"So the Redskins first team offense is still struggling, and the team looks as if it's headed to an 0-6 start, but it's not time to panic yet."
They're playing the Texans next week. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't predicting an 0-6 start two games into the season with Houston on the way the very definition of panicking?
---- Fun with stat projections, week 2
** Eagles DE Trent Cole has four sacks and is on pace for 32 for the season. The record, as you know from last week, is 22 (and not 22.5)
** Colts QB Peyton Manning has 676 passing yards and is on pace for 5,408 for the season. For comparison's sake, the current record is 5,084 yards by Dan Marino in 1984. Incidentally, the record for complaints about Dan Marino in a single afternoon is held by my father, also at 5,084.
** Hotlanta RB Warrick Dunn has 266 rushing yards and is on pace to rush for 2,128 yards. For comparison's sake, the current record is 2,105 by Eric Dickerson in 1984. (What was going on in 1984?)
** Broncos QB Jake Plummer has five turnovers (four INTs, one fumble) and is on pace for 40 turnovers on the year. He also is on pace to throw zero touchdowns this season.
** Saints RB Reggie Bush has 72 yards rushing and is on pace for the most exciting 576 yards rushing the NFL has ever seen. He's also on pace to crack the 1,000 yard rushing barrier in week 11 of the 2007 season, at which point he should achieve sainthood.
---- Stupidest thing I read this week
In case you missed Sports Illustrated this week, here’s a bit from their column on the lowlights of sideline reporting over the last 20 years:
“In 2005, Nebraska coach Bill Callahan is doused with Gatorade after a win over Colorado. ABC’s Suzy Schuster asks him, ‘Was that one of the most gratifying dumps you’ve had?’”
---- Bad college football updates
** The Temple Owls lost 62-0 to Minnesota on Saturday, the second week in a row they've lost by that tally. The team is 0-3 and has been outscored 133 to 3 so far this season. On the positive side, they are averaging an easy-to-calculate 1.0 points per game.
** The Delaware Fighting Blue Hens lost to the Albany Great Danes 17-10 Saturday in the much hyped "mascots with misleading superlatives" bowl. Even more upsetting than the heavily favored Hens taking a hit in their quest for another I-AA championship, Delaware LB Shon Jablonsky did not play in the contest.
** The Division III Ursinus College Baby Bears beat the Division I-AA LaSalle Explorers 6-2 on Saturday in one of the program's biggest wins ever. The exciting contest was 0-2 at the half and featured back-to-back pass interference penalties against LaSalle before the Bears scored their only TD.
** In Division II action, Midwestern State beat Northeastern State 73-34 in a shootout that was clearly made up by the NCAA because neither of these schools actually exists. Midwestern State vs. Northeastern State? C'mon. Next up on the schedule is Pacific Northwest University vs. Traditional Southern Black College.
---- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Let's stay on the Cowboys new players theme and see what "Dallas Cowboys Kicker Mike Vanderjagt" has coming:
**** Go-to jerk lacks aim, clanks wide. Very bad. ****
For the record, Vanderjagt was two-for-two on field goals this Sunday but two-for-five on attempts in the preseason, including three misses on game-winning attempts. So the anagrams must be true. It's the only explanation.
-- Our standings so far
** First place: Get drunk and screw, Neal -- 298.36 points
** Second place: The War on Terrell, Mike -- 293.03 points
** Third place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi -- 290.95 points
And there's a lovely 28-point gulf between third and fourth, meaning team "Just returned from Prague" is starting to pull away. But how about Neal? Where'd that come from? That’s like Trent Cole having four sacks. Who knew?
---- For the record
** This week only six teams didn’t score any touchdowns. Last week it was seven, so the quality of play must be getting better, right?
** And while we’re talking about lousy football, Monday featured five baseball games that had more scoring than that 9 to zip clunker thrown down by Pittsburgh and Jacksonville. Maybe they had trouble keeping their balance on that field, considering it’s covered in Donovan puke (two games there, two McNabb losses, two lost lunches there).
** In case seeing David Akers get in a fight during the Giants game on Sunday wasn't enough kickers kicking ass for you, I present the video of David Akers with his favorite hobby: kickboxing.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Re: Eagles game today
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad we never got around to getting that big RB for fourth and one situations.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad we never got around to getting that big RB for fourth and one situations.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 1
---- Top Performers
QB: Donovan McNabb, 29.26 points -- started by Ant
RB: Frank Gore, 30.23 points -- started by Eric
WR: Donte Stallworth, 21.60 points -- started by Capt. Awesome
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 21.40 points -- started by Joanna
K: Jeff Wilkins, 21.00 points -- sitting on Heidi’s bench
DEF: (tie) Baltimore, 30.00 points -- started by Heidi
DEF: (tie) Chicago, 30.00 points -- started by Mike
Nice work, Heidi. We could have had a nice line-up here, but you ruined opening weekend for everyone by not starting a kicker who went six for seven. I hope you’re happy.
---- Worst Performers, staring QB edition
3rd place: Chris Simms, -0.38 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
2nd place: Vince Young, -0.92 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
1st place: Jake Plummer, -2.48 points -- sitting on Paul’s bench
As I’ve said in the past, in this league it’s very difficult to end up with negative points next to your name, what with our fancy 21st century scoring and all. But leave it to Jake the Snake not to disappoint. We haven’t seen scores this low since Patrick Ramsey last started a game.
By the way, Ramsey is still in the league with the Jets, so we could see this nadir sent lower soon.
---- The weekly award in remembrance of “the Jeff Kemeter blown call of the week”
For any of you newcomers each week we hand out an award to the coach who left the most points on the bench, and pay tribute to bad coaches of the past. For a while this was the Andy Reid blown call of the week, but since he successfully ran a two-minute drill for the first time in his eight-year tenure with the Iggles, his name comes off the award.
Jeff won this prize so many times that we eventually named it after him, but then he turned around and won the league last year, so I promised to rename the weekly shame.
And true to my word, I have. Instead of the Jeff Kemeter blown call of the week, we know have the weekly award in remembrance of the Jeff Kemeter blown call of the week. (It was either that or name it after Mike Tice, but certain people get angry every time I mention he’s the only active NFL coach to kill one of his players.)
This week’s award goes to Eric -- he actually only left 26 points on his bench, nearly the same as me, but he sent me an e-mail taunting me for his 0.31-point lead in the standings. It's never good to get cocky early in the season; just look at the Cowboys. So he gets the booby prize.
We’ll come up with a better name soon, I promise.
-- Fun with trend projections
** Iggles WR Donte Stallworth is on pace for 2,256 receiving yards. For comparison's sake, Jerry Rice in 1995 had 1,848 receiving yards, the most ever in NFL history.
** Broncos QB Jake Plummer is on pace for 48 interceptions and 16 fumbles. For comparison's sake, the single season TEAM record for turnovers is 63 by the 1978 Niners.
** Packers RB Samko Gado is on pace to rush for minus-112 yards. For comparison's sake, Packers RB Ahman Green rushed for plus-110 yards on Sunday.
** Saints DT Brian Young is on pace for 48 sacks this season. For comparison's sake, the single season record for sacks is Jets DE Mark Gastineau with 22 in 1984. Giants DE Michael Strahan posted 22.5 sacks in 2002, but we all know he's a big fat fraud.
** The Cowboys are on pace to go 0-16. For comparison’s sake, that would be awesome.
-- Most insulting thing I heard this week
Usually this is the stupidest thing I heard this week, but separating one idiotic Joe Thiesmann comment from the next is getting more and more difficult.
But if you survived his drunken fawning over the Maryland Injuns, you may have stuck around for game two and heard Bonnie Bernstein drop this gem about back-QB-turned-starter Philip Rivers before he took the field and whipped Oakland:
“Win or lose one member of the his family will be excited about tonight. Rivers told me his two-year-old son keeps asking why Dad doesn’t wear a helmet like the other guys.”
Ouch. You two-year-old noticed you don’t do much work at work. Ouch.
-- Our standings so far
** First place: The War on Terrell, Mike, 156.67 points
** Second place: Hall of Fame Bus Drivers, Joanna, 149.93
** Third place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi, 142.58
Great -- an all-Doyle top three. I keep adding teams to stop this sorta thing from happening, people. Try and shape up.
-- "Everybody sucks" stat of the week
For those of you scoring at home, there were a grand total of seven teams who didn't score a touchdown this weekend. Two of those were by winning teams (the Rams, 18-10, and the Seahawks, 9-6) which, if the football gods were just, would only count as a tie.
Three of them were shutouts; The Packers, Bucs and Raiders were outscored by a combined 80 to zip. The last time there were three shutouts in the opening weekend was 1977, when there were five (no, the Eagles won 13-3 that week). And none of those five teams made the playoffs.
However, in 2003 the Patsies were shut out 31-0 by the Bills in week one, and they went on to beat the steroid-laden Panthers in the Super Bowl that year. So maybe there is still hope for Packers fans.
And maybe Doug Pederson will win the Super Bowl MVP trophy.
-- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Admit it, you’ve been waiting for it to come back. And you’ve known all along who it would be too. So lets look closely at “First-team wide receiver Terrell ‘T.O.’ Owens” and see what it says about the blackness in his soul:
*** Crier lies often. Worst wart ever. Let ‘em die ***
The letters never lie, my friends.
-- For the record
** I went 11-5 in my picks against Dad this week in the annual "Battle for Pride" contest, while Dad and his pro-Dallas choices were a mere 9-7. If I remember correctly this is the 11th year we've matched wits during the regular season, picking every game. Dad is 9-2 over that stretch, but he's 0-1 since I began combat operations here at Fort Awesome.
** The Fighting Blue Hens of the University of Delaware opened last week with a 30-7 pounding of the West Chester Chestnuts last week. They're 11th in the polls, and have a linebacker named Shon Jablonsky which is just flat-out awesome.
** The Eagles were 12-1 in games where TO scored a touchdown. The Cowboys are 0-1 in games where he scores. I'm just saying...
** The recaps are gonna be on this site from now on, so be sure to check back next Wednesday for your weekly updates. I'll quiz you frequently to see if you're reading.
QB: Donovan McNabb, 29.26 points -- started by Ant
RB: Frank Gore, 30.23 points -- started by Eric
WR: Donte Stallworth, 21.60 points -- started by Capt. Awesome
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 21.40 points -- started by Joanna
K: Jeff Wilkins, 21.00 points -- sitting on Heidi’s bench
DEF: (tie) Baltimore, 30.00 points -- started by Heidi
DEF: (tie) Chicago, 30.00 points -- started by Mike
Nice work, Heidi. We could have had a nice line-up here, but you ruined opening weekend for everyone by not starting a kicker who went six for seven. I hope you’re happy.
---- Worst Performers, staring QB edition
3rd place: Chris Simms, -0.38 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
2nd place: Vince Young, -0.92 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
1st place: Jake Plummer, -2.48 points -- sitting on Paul’s bench
As I’ve said in the past, in this league it’s very difficult to end up with negative points next to your name, what with our fancy 21st century scoring and all. But leave it to Jake the Snake not to disappoint. We haven’t seen scores this low since Patrick Ramsey last started a game.
By the way, Ramsey is still in the league with the Jets, so we could see this nadir sent lower soon.
---- The weekly award in remembrance of “the Jeff Kemeter blown call of the week”
For any of you newcomers each week we hand out an award to the coach who left the most points on the bench, and pay tribute to bad coaches of the past. For a while this was the Andy Reid blown call of the week, but since he successfully ran a two-minute drill for the first time in his eight-year tenure with the Iggles, his name comes off the award.
Jeff won this prize so many times that we eventually named it after him, but then he turned around and won the league last year, so I promised to rename the weekly shame.
And true to my word, I have. Instead of the Jeff Kemeter blown call of the week, we know have the weekly award in remembrance of the Jeff Kemeter blown call of the week. (It was either that or name it after Mike Tice, but certain people get angry every time I mention he’s the only active NFL coach to kill one of his players.)
This week’s award goes to Eric -- he actually only left 26 points on his bench, nearly the same as me, but he sent me an e-mail taunting me for his 0.31-point lead in the standings. It's never good to get cocky early in the season; just look at the Cowboys. So he gets the booby prize.
We’ll come up with a better name soon, I promise.
-- Fun with trend projections
** Iggles WR Donte Stallworth is on pace for 2,256 receiving yards. For comparison's sake, Jerry Rice in 1995 had 1,848 receiving yards, the most ever in NFL history.
** Broncos QB Jake Plummer is on pace for 48 interceptions and 16 fumbles. For comparison's sake, the single season TEAM record for turnovers is 63 by the 1978 Niners.
** Packers RB Samko Gado is on pace to rush for minus-112 yards. For comparison's sake, Packers RB Ahman Green rushed for plus-110 yards on Sunday.
** Saints DT Brian Young is on pace for 48 sacks this season. For comparison's sake, the single season record for sacks is Jets DE Mark Gastineau with 22 in 1984. Giants DE Michael Strahan posted 22.5 sacks in 2002, but we all know he's a big fat fraud.
** The Cowboys are on pace to go 0-16. For comparison’s sake, that would be awesome.
-- Most insulting thing I heard this week
Usually this is the stupidest thing I heard this week, but separating one idiotic Joe Thiesmann comment from the next is getting more and more difficult.
But if you survived his drunken fawning over the Maryland Injuns, you may have stuck around for game two and heard Bonnie Bernstein drop this gem about back-QB-turned-starter Philip Rivers before he took the field and whipped Oakland:
“Win or lose one member of the his family will be excited about tonight. Rivers told me his two-year-old son keeps asking why Dad doesn’t wear a helmet like the other guys.”
Ouch. You two-year-old noticed you don’t do much work at work. Ouch.
-- Our standings so far
** First place: The War on Terrell, Mike, 156.67 points
** Second place: Hall of Fame Bus Drivers, Joanna, 149.93
** Third place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi, 142.58
Great -- an all-Doyle top three. I keep adding teams to stop this sorta thing from happening, people. Try and shape up.
-- "Everybody sucks" stat of the week
For those of you scoring at home, there were a grand total of seven teams who didn't score a touchdown this weekend. Two of those were by winning teams (the Rams, 18-10, and the Seahawks, 9-6) which, if the football gods were just, would only count as a tie.
Three of them were shutouts; The Packers, Bucs and Raiders were outscored by a combined 80 to zip. The last time there were three shutouts in the opening weekend was 1977, when there were five (no, the Eagles won 13-3 that week). And none of those five teams made the playoffs.
However, in 2003 the Patsies were shut out 31-0 by the Bills in week one, and they went on to beat the steroid-laden Panthers in the Super Bowl that year. So maybe there is still hope for Packers fans.
And maybe Doug Pederson will win the Super Bowl MVP trophy.
-- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Admit it, you’ve been waiting for it to come back. And you’ve known all along who it would be too. So lets look closely at “First-team wide receiver Terrell ‘T.O.’ Owens” and see what it says about the blackness in his soul:
*** Crier lies often. Worst wart ever. Let ‘em die ***
The letters never lie, my friends.
-- For the record
** I went 11-5 in my picks against Dad this week in the annual "Battle for Pride" contest, while Dad and his pro-Dallas choices were a mere 9-7. If I remember correctly this is the 11th year we've matched wits during the regular season, picking every game. Dad is 9-2 over that stretch, but he's 0-1 since I began combat operations here at Fort Awesome.
** The Fighting Blue Hens of the University of Delaware opened last week with a 30-7 pounding of the West Chester Chestnuts last week. They're 11th in the polls, and have a linebacker named Shon Jablonsky which is just flat-out awesome.
** The Eagles were 12-1 in games where TO scored a touchdown. The Cowboys are 0-1 in games where he scores. I'm just saying...
** The recaps are gonna be on this site from now on, so be sure to check back next Wednesday for your weekly updates. I'll quiz you frequently to see if you're reading.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Capt. Hollywood
So, in keeping with the "I have no idea what my job description really is" theme, I covered the D.C. red carpet premiere of the new Ashton Kutcher/Kevin Costner movie about the Coast Guard. My story on the making of the movie will appear in the paper ... someday. The movie doesn't actually open until Sept. 29. And it won't open overseas until later than that.
By why wait until then to share with you all the new Hollywood knowledge I picked up?
Here are a few tidbits:
-- The red carpet is about as thick as astroturf (not very) and was laid down on a city street, closing off one lane of a four-lane road. I'm going out on a limb here, but from what the drivers stuck in traffic were yelling I don't think they'll be paying to see this movie.
-- There is a man whose whole job in life is to figure out where the potholes are underneath the carpet, and then keep celebs from tripping on them. He is was pretty bad at it too.
-- There were a ton of Asian movie stars at the premiere, including Ken Watanabe and Ziyi Zhang. There are no Asian actors in this movie. Your guess is as good as mine.
-- Girls will scream whether or not they actually can see Ashton, but they will stop if they figure out they're just looking at reporters.
-- Clancy Brown, who appeared in several flashbacks on ABC's Lost, has not been asked back to the show yet and has no idea what's going on.
-- Media on the red carpet are given an 8x10 inch plot to stand on while the celebs stroll by. If you have a photographer, they are supposed to stand on your shoulders. If you wander away, "they" will come get you. As we made jokes about this, Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff walked by. I guess they were serious.
-- Sela Ward looked very good, considering she's Kevin Costner old. Kevin Costner looked Kevin Costner old. Demi Moore looked like a skinny 12-year-old wearing a trash bag.
-- Most reporters on the red carpet have no idea why they're there or what they're supposed to do. Neither did the Coast Guard guys, but at least they were in uniform.
-- Ashton Kutcher was impressed by my mini-recorder/MP3 player, and told me so. He was uninterested in just about everything else. But he took the movie role because he sees the Coast Guard as "real life heroes," then in a non-sequitor ripped football players for being frauds.
-- Access Hollywood is way higher on the pecking order than any print media. I talked to Ashton Kutcher, for the love of gawd, but I couldn't get near their cameraman or see if Billy Bush was around.
No pictures because my camerawoman had a family emergency, but I'll look on the entertainment wire tomorrow to see if I snuck in any.
By why wait until then to share with you all the new Hollywood knowledge I picked up?
Here are a few tidbits:
-- The red carpet is about as thick as astroturf (not very) and was laid down on a city street, closing off one lane of a four-lane road. I'm going out on a limb here, but from what the drivers stuck in traffic were yelling I don't think they'll be paying to see this movie.
-- There is a man whose whole job in life is to figure out where the potholes are underneath the carpet, and then keep celebs from tripping on them. He is was pretty bad at it too.
-- There were a ton of Asian movie stars at the premiere, including Ken Watanabe and Ziyi Zhang. There are no Asian actors in this movie. Your guess is as good as mine.
-- Girls will scream whether or not they actually can see Ashton, but they will stop if they figure out they're just looking at reporters.
-- Clancy Brown, who appeared in several flashbacks on ABC's Lost, has not been asked back to the show yet and has no idea what's going on.
-- Media on the red carpet are given an 8x10 inch plot to stand on while the celebs stroll by. If you have a photographer, they are supposed to stand on your shoulders. If you wander away, "they" will come get you. As we made jokes about this, Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff walked by. I guess they were serious.
-- Sela Ward looked very good, considering she's Kevin Costner old. Kevin Costner looked Kevin Costner old. Demi Moore looked like a skinny 12-year-old wearing a trash bag.
-- Most reporters on the red carpet have no idea why they're there or what they're supposed to do. Neither did the Coast Guard guys, but at least they were in uniform.
-- Ashton Kutcher was impressed by my mini-recorder/MP3 player, and told me so. He was uninterested in just about everything else. But he took the movie role because he sees the Coast Guard as "real life heroes," then in a non-sequitor ripped football players for being frauds.
-- Access Hollywood is way higher on the pecking order than any print media. I talked to Ashton Kutcher, for the love of gawd, but I couldn't get near their cameraman or see if Billy Bush was around.
No pictures because my camerawoman had a family emergency, but I'll look on the entertainment wire tomorrow to see if I snuck in any.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
League predictions
Now that we’ve drafted the fantasy football teams, let the guessing and taunting begin. I'm working on a way so that folks not in the league can view the weekly standings, but FYI here’s how everything will shake out at the end of the year:
TEAM: Team SmartyPants, Paul
PROJECTED FINISH: 2000 points, 11th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: The new kid always gets ranked last. He’s the only one of us who didn’t draft two kickers, so he gets credit for that, but he also has Jake Plummer at QB and only one RB on his roster. Also, his first round pick was for an Arizona Cardinal (Larry Fitzgerald). It’s that kind of poor strategy that will keep this team down.
TEAM: Cut and Run, Jim
PROJECTED FINISH: 2025 points, 10th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: You have to get deep into Jim’s roster before you find a player I don’t hate. New Jersey QB Eli Manning, Dallas RB Julius Jones, Dallas K Mike Vanderjagt, Maryland RB Clinton Portis, Maryland TE Chris Cooley, Tampa WR Joey Galloway … and some shmuck with the initials T.O. His team could be good, but I ain’t gonna be heaping any praise on a team which runs on pure evil.
TEAM: Get drunk and screw, Neal
PROJECTED FINISH: 2050 points, 9th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Neal’s team looks really good, considering he doesn’t have any WRs on the roster. Jerry Porter? Eddie Kennison? I guess Westbrook is more of a WR than an RB, but still. Most importantly, Neal ended up with the Fred Taylor booby prize, so that drops his ranking significantly. When Taylor heard he was drafted by someone, he jumped up and down with excitement, then hyperextended his knee.
TEAM: Hall of Fame Bus Drivers, Joanner
PROJECTED FINISH: 2075 points, 8th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Joanner has three teams she’s following this year, and there is no shot she’ll have any clue what’s going on with this team by week five. Also, every year I rate her team high and it stinks, so this year I’m using reverse psychology. She does have a mess of good Carolina and Pittsburgh players, including the Steelers starting three WRs from two years ago (Hines Ward, Plaxico Burress and Antwann Randle El). If only she had rooted for the right Pennsylvania team….
TEAM: JapanUSRelations, Ant
PROJECTED FINISH: 2100 points, 7th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: True story – Ant called me on Saturday asking for where he could look up injury reports because he didn’t want to draft someone who was hurt. Then, with his second pick, he took Dominick Davis. Then, Sunday morning, the Texans announced Davis would be out for the season with an injury. There’s a bad luck vibe around Ant’s team, and I don’t think having LaDanian Tomlinson and Donovan McNabb will be enough to overcome that.
TEAM: Clarett’s protoge, Joel
PROJECTED FINISH: 2125 points, 6th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Joel doesn’t have a single skill position on a team which plays in this time zone. That’s tough to do. He should get some sort of award for that, but I don’t give out those kind of prizes. Well, I don’t give them out until halfway through the year, when I scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to write.
TEAM: Red Shirteys, Eric
PROJECTED FINISH: 2150 points, 5th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: If you missed out on getting RBs, Eric took them. He has six, including fake QB Michael Vick and rookies Reggie Bush and LenDale White. That could be a fearsome twosome, if Eric can figure out how to keep LenDale from spitting in everyone’s faces.
TEAM: The War on Terrell, Mike
PROJECTED FINISH: 2175 points, 4th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Mike said he didn’t set his draft order, which is significant because his team still looks better than most. Peyton Manning, a couple of good RBs, Chad Johnson and the best defense in the league (Chicago). But there’s nothing worse than an inattentive manager who is too busy jetting around the world to some take time deciding whether Denver RB Tatum Bell is a better pick than Denver RB Mike Bell. So he can’t possibly win the title.
TEAM: Dawk will cut you, Capt. Awesome
PROJECTED FINISH: 2200 points, 3rd place
WHAT TO EXPECT: I’ve drafted three fantasy teams now and I’ve got Javon Walker on all three, so three seems like a good spot for me. Go figure. I’ve got Akers doing my kicking and a nice collection of good RBs. But most importantly, I used my first round pick to take an Arizona Cardinal (Edgerrin James). It’s that kind of bold strategy that’s gonna take me to the top.
TEAM: Blue Collar Killers, Jeff
PROJECTED FINISH: 2225 points, 2nd place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Tom Brady, Willie Parker, Ronnie Brown, Steve Smith – that’s a pretty good crew for somebody who got screwed with the last pick. But the key for Jeff this year is gonna be his excellent waiver wire deals. Sure, in the four years he’s been in the league he’s never dropped or added a player, but this is gonna be the year, I can feel it.
TEAM: Heidi is too slow, Heidi
PROJECTED FINISH: 2250 points, 1st place
WHAT TO EXPECT: C’mon, this team isn’t even that good. But once again Heidi ended up with a mess of underrated players – Chris Chambers, Santana Moss, Mark Bulger, Baltimore’s defense – who could produce a lot of points. Baltimore RB Jamal Lewis looks like junk, but she always ends up with one player who goes nuts early on. So I’m picking up Jamal in my other leagues. Two predictions: Heidi finishes first, and she changes her team name by next weekend.
Remember to get your rosters set by Thursday for the ridiculous “We’re the NFL but we’re acting but the NCAA” season opener. Good luck, losers.
TEAM: Team SmartyPants, Paul
PROJECTED FINISH: 2000 points, 11th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: The new kid always gets ranked last. He’s the only one of us who didn’t draft two kickers, so he gets credit for that, but he also has Jake Plummer at QB and only one RB on his roster. Also, his first round pick was for an Arizona Cardinal (Larry Fitzgerald). It’s that kind of poor strategy that will keep this team down.
TEAM: Cut and Run, Jim
PROJECTED FINISH: 2025 points, 10th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: You have to get deep into Jim’s roster before you find a player I don’t hate. New Jersey QB Eli Manning, Dallas RB Julius Jones, Dallas K Mike Vanderjagt, Maryland RB Clinton Portis, Maryland TE Chris Cooley, Tampa WR Joey Galloway … and some shmuck with the initials T.O. His team could be good, but I ain’t gonna be heaping any praise on a team which runs on pure evil.
TEAM: Get drunk and screw, Neal
PROJECTED FINISH: 2050 points, 9th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Neal’s team looks really good, considering he doesn’t have any WRs on the roster. Jerry Porter? Eddie Kennison? I guess Westbrook is more of a WR than an RB, but still. Most importantly, Neal ended up with the Fred Taylor booby prize, so that drops his ranking significantly. When Taylor heard he was drafted by someone, he jumped up and down with excitement, then hyperextended his knee.
TEAM: Hall of Fame Bus Drivers, Joanner
PROJECTED FINISH: 2075 points, 8th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Joanner has three teams she’s following this year, and there is no shot she’ll have any clue what’s going on with this team by week five. Also, every year I rate her team high and it stinks, so this year I’m using reverse psychology. She does have a mess of good Carolina and Pittsburgh players, including the Steelers starting three WRs from two years ago (Hines Ward, Plaxico Burress and Antwann Randle El). If only she had rooted for the right Pennsylvania team….
TEAM: JapanUSRelations, Ant
PROJECTED FINISH: 2100 points, 7th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: True story – Ant called me on Saturday asking for where he could look up injury reports because he didn’t want to draft someone who was hurt. Then, with his second pick, he took Dominick Davis. Then, Sunday morning, the Texans announced Davis would be out for the season with an injury. There’s a bad luck vibe around Ant’s team, and I don’t think having LaDanian Tomlinson and Donovan McNabb will be enough to overcome that.
TEAM: Clarett’s protoge, Joel
PROJECTED FINISH: 2125 points, 6th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Joel doesn’t have a single skill position on a team which plays in this time zone. That’s tough to do. He should get some sort of award for that, but I don’t give out those kind of prizes. Well, I don’t give them out until halfway through the year, when I scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to write.
TEAM: Red Shirteys, Eric
PROJECTED FINISH: 2150 points, 5th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: If you missed out on getting RBs, Eric took them. He has six, including fake QB Michael Vick and rookies Reggie Bush and LenDale White. That could be a fearsome twosome, if Eric can figure out how to keep LenDale from spitting in everyone’s faces.
TEAM: The War on Terrell, Mike
PROJECTED FINISH: 2175 points, 4th place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Mike said he didn’t set his draft order, which is significant because his team still looks better than most. Peyton Manning, a couple of good RBs, Chad Johnson and the best defense in the league (Chicago). But there’s nothing worse than an inattentive manager who is too busy jetting around the world to some take time deciding whether Denver RB Tatum Bell is a better pick than Denver RB Mike Bell. So he can’t possibly win the title.
TEAM: Dawk will cut you, Capt. Awesome
PROJECTED FINISH: 2200 points, 3rd place
WHAT TO EXPECT: I’ve drafted three fantasy teams now and I’ve got Javon Walker on all three, so three seems like a good spot for me. Go figure. I’ve got Akers doing my kicking and a nice collection of good RBs. But most importantly, I used my first round pick to take an Arizona Cardinal (Edgerrin James). It’s that kind of bold strategy that’s gonna take me to the top.
TEAM: Blue Collar Killers, Jeff
PROJECTED FINISH: 2225 points, 2nd place
WHAT TO EXPECT: Tom Brady, Willie Parker, Ronnie Brown, Steve Smith – that’s a pretty good crew for somebody who got screwed with the last pick. But the key for Jeff this year is gonna be his excellent waiver wire deals. Sure, in the four years he’s been in the league he’s never dropped or added a player, but this is gonna be the year, I can feel it.
TEAM: Heidi is too slow, Heidi
PROJECTED FINISH: 2250 points, 1st place
WHAT TO EXPECT: C’mon, this team isn’t even that good. But once again Heidi ended up with a mess of underrated players – Chris Chambers, Santana Moss, Mark Bulger, Baltimore’s defense – who could produce a lot of points. Baltimore RB Jamal Lewis looks like junk, but she always ends up with one player who goes nuts early on. So I’m picking up Jamal in my other leagues. Two predictions: Heidi finishes first, and she changes her team name by next weekend.
Remember to get your rosters set by Thursday for the ridiculous “We’re the NFL but we’re acting but the NCAA” season opener. Good luck, losers.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Stupid BGE
Sorry for the delay, but we won't be drafting the fantasy teams until later tonight -- Fort Awesome lost power for about 18 hours thanks to the remnants of Hurricane Ernie and Baltimore Gas 'n Electric's incompetence. This is about the 10th time in the last two years our lights have gone out. They're considering changing their name over to Baltimore Gas, because they no longer really provide electricity to any of their customers.
Of course, it was a bad storm ...
We lost about half of the big tree out front. It looks pretty bad, but to be fair that beechwood pear is the Buckhalter of our lawn-and-garden all-star team. Since we began operations at the fort, I'm not sure it's made it more than two months without a major injury.
Still, that's a pretty thick section of trunk to lose. I posed with my sweet, sweet sneakers to give you some sense of scale.
Of course, it was a bad storm ...
We lost about half of the big tree out front. It looks pretty bad, but to be fair that beechwood pear is the Buckhalter of our lawn-and-garden all-star team. Since we began operations at the fort, I'm not sure it's made it more than two months without a major injury.
Still, that's a pretty thick section of trunk to lose. I posed with my sweet, sweet sneakers to give you some sense of scale.
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