On base at Fort Awesome: 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #15

As you know, this weekend will be the Eagles annual “Christmas” game, where they bring a Santa impersonator out to wish glad tidings to the fans. He will be booed mercilessly. And that’s the right thing to do – here’s why:

** If I told you a laughing man was going to break into your house tonight and leave “presents” all over your floor, you’d call the cops right away.

** How many Super Bowl wins has Santa brought to the Philly faithful? None.

** Morbid obesity is nothing to celebrate.

** Every year he covers every house in the world to deliver presents, but he can’t chip in and help the Eagles’ secondary cover half the field once in a while?

** He’s wearing fur.

** You can’t spell “Santa Clause” without “Cue Satan.”

** Everyone who takes the field in Philadelphia gets booed. It’s only fair.

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 43.52 pts – started by me
RB: Jerome Harrison, 49.40 pts – sitting on my bench
WR: Steve Smith, 24.87 pts – started by Joel
TE: Dallas Clark, 25.33 pts – started by Ant
K: Matt Prater, 16.00 pts – started by Bobert
DEF: NY Giants, 23.00 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Louis Delmas, 10.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Between Harrison and two other players I left a ridiculous 59 pts on my bench this week, easily the worst of any team (Neal was second with 48, and he stopped playing in October). In fairness, though, Harrison had only 301 rushing yards and no rushing TDs on the year; On Sunday, he went for 286 yards and 3 TDs. If you could have predicted that, you and I have a trip to Vegas coming up.

Also of note: Ben Rothelsberger passed for 503 yards with three TDs and is only the second-best QB of the week. The guy he beat was statistically better. That’s not fair.

Brian Dawkins is unquestionably the greatest safety in Eagles history.

In his 13-year career in Philadelphia he collected 36 interceptions, 25 forced fumbles, 21 sacks and over 800 tackles. He is the only player ever to record a interception, forced fumble, sack and TD reception in the same football game. He played for one Eagles team that lost 13 games and another that won the NFC championship game at home. In short, there’s nothing he didn’t do on the field in Philly.

Except record a safety.

Yes, somehow after 186 games with the team, Weapon X never scored a two-pointer for the home team. So here’s hoping on Sunday, as a member of the Denver Broncos, after his third interception of the day, with the Eagles backed up inside their own five-yard line, McNabb will miss Dawkins coming around the far side of the end zone, and he smashes Pukey into the ground for the career-capping moment.

That'd be a great Christmas present.

2nd Place (tie): Washington, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd Place (tie): Jacksonville, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st Place: Pittsburgh, -5.00 pts – sitting on Jim’s bench

And Pittsburgh won that game! Absolutely ridiculous.

** The Eagles allowed a 100-yard rusher on Sunday (Frank Gore, with 107) for the first time in 24 games. The last one? Frank Gore, with 101 yards in week 6 of last season.

** The Indianapolis Colts have won their last 23 consecutive regular season games … and lost their last two playoff games.

** On the season, Seattle punter Jon Ryan has more passing yards (1 completion, 42 yards) than Broncos backup QB Chris Simms (5 completions, 23 yards.) And Simms played total three quarters and started one game.

** Colts QB Peyton Manning is the top passer on the year (4,213 yards) but, thanks to kneel downs, he’s also the worst rusher in the league (-13 yards).

** On the season, WR Hank Baskett has as many catches (one) as QBs Donovan McNabb, Drew Brees and Brett Farve each have.

The Cowboys/Saints game last weekend was advertised by the NFL Network as “a Saturday edition of Thursday night football.”

Let me repeat that.

The Cowboys/Saints game last weekend was advertised by the NFL Network as “a Saturday edition of Thursday night football.”

It’s bad enough the network makes you sit through Matt Millen. They don’t need to try and redefine the days of the week too.

Last week, Cowboys K Nick Folk missed a short FG which could have clinched the Dallas/New Orleans game with 2 minutes left. In response, the management went out and signed Shaun Suisham, a kicker who missed an even shorter FG against the Saints while playing for the Maryland Racial Slurs two weeks earlier.

But it’s a move that makes sense, right? I mean, the change of venue is sure to help the guy out, right?

New Dallas Cowboys Kicker Shaun Suisham
-- Cue a win? BS. Achy no-skill dork a shame, wuss. --

Maybe not. Seriously, Suisham wasn’t good enough to play for the last-place Redskins. Why not sign someone off the Rams’ roster instead?

Click on the standings to make them bigger.

Good races for second place and for second to last. But first and last? They’re getting boring. It’s sorta like the AFC South.

Maybe I’ll bench NewMike’s whole team at kickoff next week and set Neal’s roster for him, just to shake it up a little.

** Dad dropped one more, putting him 15 behind. On a more positive note, the season is almost over.

** It’s not too late to go online and vote for the Pro-Bowl roster … unless you’re reading this after Monday, in which case it is. Don’t worry; WR DeSean Jackson will make the squad, and he’s the only Eagle worthy of consideration.

** There’s a game on Christmas, so don’t forget to set your rosters. Why is there a game on Christmas? Because the NFL hates Christians.

** Seriously, I’m rooting for Denver on Sunday.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #13

Sure, the college football regular season is over. But that’s no reason to dump that oh-so-efficient BCS rating system now; Just think of how great the NFL post-season could be if we got rid of that pesky playoff nonsense. Here’s how the rankings would look with just four weeks left.

8 -- Cincinnati (9-3 record)
Ranks: Computer 5, Writers 9, Coaches 12
If not for the opening day loss to Denver, they’d have one less loss.

7 -- Philadelphia (8-4 record)
Ranks: Computer 10, Writers 6, Coaches 7
They were ranked high in the preseason, so they’re still hanging around.

6 -- Dallas (8-4 record)
Ranks: Computer 9, Writers 9, Coaches 3
Six wins versus sub-.500 teams means they’re a true champion.

5 -- San Diego (9-3 record)
Ranks: Computer 4, Writers 3, Coaches 6
LaDanian Tomlinson is great, just not according to his stats or performance.

4 -- New Orleans (12-0 record)
Ranks: Computer 1, Writers 5, Coaches 5
Ridiculous? The college BCS ranked a 12-0 Boise State team sixth.

3 -- Minnesota (10-2 record)
Ranks: Computer 3, Writers 2, Coaches 4
Drew Brees may be the best QB in the league, but he’s no Brett Favre.

2 -- Indianapolis (12-0 record)
Ranks: Computer 2, Writers 4, Coaches 2
Probably the best team, but even the writers are sick of those Manning commercials.

1 -- New England (7-5 record)
Ranks: Computer 11, Writers 1, Coaches 1
Sure they haven’t “won” the most games, but you can’t deny they’re champions.

I can’t wait to see yet another Patriots-Colts match-up, but this time in the Tostitos Super Bowl. That’s what the fans deserve.

QB: Tony Romo, 33.68 pts -- started by Heidi
RB: Jerome Harrison, 26.63 pts -- sitting on the wire
WR: Robert Mecham, 39.97 pts -- started by Jeff
TE: Jason Witten, 24.40 pts -- started by Mike
K (tie): Matt Prater, 15.00 pts -- started by Bobert
K (tie): Garrett Hartley, 15.00 pts -- started by Neal
DEF: Carolina, 22.00 pts -- started by Mike
D: Tamba Hail. 14.50 pts -- sitting on the waiver wire

Ladies and Gentlemen, it finally happened -- Neal collected a whopping 15 points from his kicker, the first points he's gotten from that position all year. Sure, it took a questionable last-second move by the Saints to bench their reliable kicker (and screw my three fantasy teams) for it to happen, but it's all history now. Neal has collected points from all of this fantasy positions now, and that 600-point deficit is a thing of the past.

A quick look at Philly’s two major homecomings this week, and a view of who had the better story:

	Vick	Iverson	Advantage?
Tearful hello?	No	Yes	AI
Pts scored?	12	11	Vick
Team win?	Yes	No	Vick
Long-term value?	none	none	Push
Fan love?	little	redemptive	AI
Cornrows	None	Thinning	AI

Oh, little Allen, we’ve missed you so…

3rd place: Javarris Williams, -0.50 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Kevin Barnes, -1.50 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Arnaz Battle, -1.56 pts – sitting on the wire

Denver QB Chris Simms again finished close to the bottom with –0.40 pts, which gives him a total of –3.48 pts for the season thus far. That’s the worst in the league, just below QB Jeff Garcia and his –2.20 pts total.

In case you missed it Sunday morning, the experts over at Yahoo had their weekly podcast where they generously hand out fantasy advice. On their front page put up pictures of three players sure to disappoint in the week 13 games:

** QB Drew Brees
** RB Brandon Jacobs
** RB Joseph Addai

The reasons for the predictions basically boiled down to tough defensive matchups, and in Brees’ case poor weather conditions in Maryland. And each of the reasons were wrong; Here’s how they ended up on the week:

** Brees -- 419 pass yds, 2 TDs, 1 INT (26.76 pts)
** Jacobs -- 103 rush/rec yds, 2 TDs (21.83 pts)
** Addai – 98 rush/rec yds, 2 TDs (24.03 pts)

Granted, none of these guys were the top performers on the week. But if you can afford to leave 20-plus point players on your bench, I’d like to make a trade with you.

** Titans RB Chris Johnson (1509 rushing yds so far) is on pace for 2012 yds rushing this season.

** Patriots WRs Randy Moss (1058 receiving yds) and Wes Welker (1053 receiving yds) are on pace to finish 1-2 in the receiving title with a combined 2813 yds. And Patriots QB Tom Brady is not on pace to finish the year the top passer (Peyton Manning leads him by 47 yds).

** Eagles SS Quintin Mikell (67 tackles) is on pace to finish top on the team with 89 tackles, but only tied for 60th in the league among defensive players.

** Bills WR Terrell Owens (3 TDs) is on pace to finish tied 53rd in the league for receiving TDs, behind luminaries like Packers TE Spencer Havner (4 TDs) and Colts WR Pierre Garcon (4 TDs).

I was looking over the Cowboys roster after their embarrassing loss to New York and spotted something stunning:

Dallas Cornerback Cletis Gordon
-- Giants roar, clocked cornballs --

Wow, that’s dead on. I wonder if any of the other defensive backs can tell me how next week’s Dallas/San Diego game will turn out…

Cowboys strong safety Gerald Sensabaugh
-- Goodbye, new snouts; Chargers slay fat-bags. --

Nice.

Click on the standings to make them bigger.

Another great week by Heidi vaults her up the charts, but right now it still looks like Paul and I have the only real chance of dethroning the new guy. And frankly, you should all be rooting for that.

** Dad dropped one more this weekend, finishing at 15 under. I'm getting the impression this is not his year.

** Just four more weeks, kids. If you have a way to stop Tom Brady and Wes Welker, now is the time.

** I hate the Giants. And I hate that the Cowboys made me root for the Giants last weekend. But, more than anything, I just hate Eli Manning.

** If you watch the Army/Navy game this Saturday, take a close look up in the media box at Lincoln Financial Field. I’ll be sitting warm and toasty up there, enjoying the scene.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #12

The Eagles team had to deal with three severe concussions this week: RB Brian Westbrook, WR DeSean Jackson and Head Coach Andy Reid. The first two happened on the field, but Reid’s apparently occurred during Thanksgiving dinner and went undiagnosed throughout the week. But he clearly suffered some head trauma before Sunday’s game. Consider:

** He called an onsides kick on the opening play, giving one of the worst offenses in the NFL a chance to start the game just a few yards away from scoring.
** On a key fourth-quarter 3rd and goal, he took the ball away from RB LeSean McCoy and FB Leonard Weaver to twice give the ball to 6th-string RB Elrda Buckley.
** He continues to use QB Mike Vick, despite abundant evidence he’s just not good enough to play at a professional level.
** He convinced higher ups this week to give OT Winston Justice, who has elevated his game from terrible to average, a four-year deal worth $20 million.

People with fully functioning frontal lobes don’t act this way. Someone get the NFL’s concussion committee on the phone now.

QB: Drew Brees, 44.74 pts – started by Joanna
RB: Fred Jackson, 28.39 pts – started by Bob
WR: Percy Harvin, 23.23 pts – started by NewMike
TE: Antonio Gates, 26.87 pts – started by Heidi
K: Matt Prater, 15.00 pts – started by Bob
DEF: New York Jets, 27.00 pts – sitting on Mike’s bench
D: Charles Woodson, 21.36 pts – started by Heidi

Nooooooooo! So close, but Mike’s decision to start the Miami defense (7 pts) instead of the Jets keeps alive the league streak of not starting all seven top performers in a single week. But it was a close one…

By the way, if you missed Woodson’s line for the Packers on Thanksgiving, it’s worth checking out again: Six tackles, four pass defenses, two interceptions, one sack, one forced fumble, one fumble recovery. That’s insane.

3rd place: Jake Delhomme, -2.80 pts – sitting on the waiver wire
2nd place: Chicgao, -3.00 pts – started by Neal
1st place: Kansas City, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Over the last four weeks, Neal (who is setting new standards for apathy and pathetic play) has collected 14.50 pts from the bottom four players on his roster. That’s under a point per player over that span, and is a major reason why his team sits nearly 550 points out of first place.

Meanwhile, over Panthers QB Jake Delhomme’s last 20 games, he’s thrown 15 TDs against 30 interceptions. His 59.4 QB rating is the worst in the NFL among starting QBs not named Jamarcus Russell. And somehow Delhomme still has a job.

I don’t mean to pick on the Maryland Racial Slurs (oh wait, yes I do) but after five years of living in the south it has become abundantly clear that the team and their fans simply do not understand football. The day after the team lost 27-24 to the Eagles, blowing a 4th-quarter lead for the second week in a row, the Washington Post sports section had a story titled “A season is slipping away.”

The Racial Slurs dropped to 3-8 after the loss. For them to make the playoffs, the following would have to happen:

** They win their last five games.
** The Eagles lose their last five games.
** The Giants beat the Eagles but lose their other four games.
** The Falcons beat the Eagles but lose their other four games.
** The 49ers beat the Eagles but lose their other four games.
** The Panthers, Bears and Seahawks don’t win more than three of their last five games.

Hate to break it to you, folks, but the season has already slipped away.

Nope, my mistake. The day after I wrote the above item the local sports analysts called the Saints' upcoming visit to Maryland a "classic trap game" and a good chance for the local team to show some pride. That was stupider.

Recently I’ve been researching exactly how the Dallas organization takes players from simply evil to super evil, replacing their soul with some sort of villainous anti-soul. Just putting on the uniform is almost enough, but there’s also a harsh regiment of baby insulting, stealing from the Salvation Army and, apparently, a strict diet.

How strict? The answer is barely hidden in their players own names:

Dallas Cowboys corner Alan Ball
-- Yell! Drab rascals allow no bacon –

Everyone knows that bacon is the source of pure goodness. For a team to ban it … well, that’s just super evil.

Just to show you what a well-coached team can achieve, here’s a look at the regular season stats for my PS2 Eagles team, which finished 16-0:

** McNabb: 5,013 yds passing, 104 TDs; 438 yds rushing, 10 TDs
** Westbrook: 3,107 yds rushing, 64 TDs; 305 yds receiving, 7 TDs
** Rookie WR: 1,388 yds receiving, 26 TDs
** 2nd rookie WR: 951 yds receiving, 16 TDs
** Jevon Kearse: 179 tackles, 164 sacks, 5 fumbles, 5 safeties
** Michael Lewis: 38 tackles, 15 INTs, 4 TDs
** Brian Dawkins: 46 tackles, 10 INTs
** David Akers: 1 FG, 194 XPs

The team scored 1,411 pts on the season (88 per game) and allowed 16 (1 per game). The worst game of the year was a week 5 victory over the Seahawks (67-10) while the crowning performance was a week 13 win over the Chargers (112-0).

Now, I’m not saying that those results correlate exactly to what the Eagles should be achieving. I’m just saying that it’s reasonable to expect a 2,000-yard rusher and a 75-TD QB every year from a good coach.

Click on the standings to make them bigger.

Heidi posted an unbelievable 190-plus pts this week, vaulting her back up into the contenders pile. My assault on the top spot continues unabated, and defying all expectations Anthony is still in striking distance too.

I had assumed Anthony had stopped playing completely and dropped the ball. Oh, no, wait – that was just his TE, Brent Celek. My mistake.

** Dad has dropped to 14 behind, thanks to misplaced faith in the Patriots and the Rams this weekend. Clearly, we are not living in 2001 anymore.

** Listening to ESPN’s Matt Millen offer analysis on the Saints/Patriots game is like listening to an American Idol reject offering serious commentary on how a successful presidential campaign is run. Millen put together the worst team in the history of the NFL; How can he be qualified to say anything about one franchise that finished the regular season 16-0 and another which could do the same this year?

** The trade deadline is this Friday, kids. Last chance to improve that wretched lineup.

** I’m horribly disappointed by the playoff prospects this year – looks like the NFC championship game will either be held in New Orleans or Minnesota, and Indy will probably host the AFC champs. No playoff games in the snow? Can’t Buffalo be assigned the permanent host for one of these match-ups?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #11

That chill in the air may not be just the impending winter. Consider:

** The Temple Owls football team is on the verge of being ranked in the top 25. Technically they’re 29th right now, with a 9-2 record and a real chance of winning the MAC. Al Golden is being talked about for coach of the year. Remember, the Owls’ record from 2003-2007 was 9-50.

** The Eagles won a close game thanks to smart running plays. Over the last two real series (not including the final kneel downs) the Birds ran the ball nine times and passed it eight times, chewing up over eight minutes of the last quarter. Andy Reid even gave up the chance to pass on two separate third and short plays with under three minutes left.

** Michigan’s football team isn’t going to a bowl game … again. The Wolverines went 1-7 over their last eight games and finished dead last in the Big Ten. The last time that happened was in 1962, during the height of the Cuban missile crisis.

** Brett Favre is the top rated passer in the NFL. Maybe this isn’t a sign that hell has frozen over, but it’s definitely something that will anger God and bring about the apocalypse.

** A catcher won the AL MVP award for the first time in 33 years. Joe Mauer also won his second AL batting title this year and was a near unanimous selection for the honor. Every voter went for Mauer over Saint Derek Jeter. Catchers aren’t supposed to win these awards; They’re purely for decorative purposes, like lawn gnomes or horse jockeys.

If Reggie Brown records a 100-yard receiving week next week, it’s a sure sign that Saddam Hussein has finally overthrown Satan and installed an air conditioner.

QB: Matt Stafford, 43.58 pts – sitting on the wire
RB: Ricky Williams, 33.17 pts – started by Neal
WR: Wes Welker, 28.88 pts – started by NewMike
TE: Kevin Boss, 22.07 pts – sitting on the wire
K: Billy Cundiff, 17.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: New England, 21.00 pts – sitting on Joel’s bench
D: Leigh Bodden, 15.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Another sign that hell has frozen over; The Lions’ QB was the best player on the week. In case you didn’t hear about the epic Cleveland/Detroit game …

With his team trailing 37-31 and just eight seconds left in the game, Stafford heaved a Hail Mary pass as a defensive lineman drove him into the ground. The pass fell incomplete, but a safety blatantly interfered with a Lions wideout -- setting up an untimed final down on the one yard line. Stafford, whose shoulder was injured on the previous play, shook off his medical staff and tossed the game-winning TD. He couldn’t even raise his arm in victory as the team celebrated around him.

If this was a Colts/Patriots game, you’d be hearing about that ending for years. As it is, no one will remember it outside of Detroit next week.

A special shout-out to former Cowboys/Eagles/49ers wide receiver Terrell Owens, who had a monster game this week: He recorded 9 catches for 197 yards an a TD on Sunday. The performance showed everything you need to know about this possible Hall of Fame wideout:

** His team still lost, 18-15. The game came a week after he helped get his coach fired.
** After the game, he said he’s ready to “put the team on my shoulders” and help push them towards the playoffs. The team is 3-7 and in last place in the AFC East.
** The huge day made him the 38th best pass catcher on the year – He’s now just ahead of Johnny Knox and Jeremy Maclin on the fantasy points list.
** In the last decade, T.O. has been on the field for one playoff win (in 2002).

He’s an all-time great, as long as you don’t include wins and class.

3rd place: Seattle, -4.00 pts – sitting on Jeff’s bench
2nd place: Detroit, -5.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Tampa Bay, -6.00 pts – sitting on the wire

For the second time this year we’ve had a defense bottom out; The Bucs allowed 38 pts to the Saints and recorded zero sacks, turnovers or blocked kicks. That’s a looooong way from Ronde Barber’s heyday.

At various points in Sunday’s game the radio announcing crew for the Maryland Racial Slurs called the DC regional team’s effort “exemplary,” “valiant,” “outstanding” and “great.”

The Racial Slurs lost the game to the Dallas Cowboys 7-6. The team went 2-4 on field goal attempts and had more than twice as many punting yards (195) as rushing yards (78).

There’s a big difference between “valiant” and “close.” Your team played tough and lost at the very end instead of getting blown out. That’s not great football; that’s a close game.

Actually, by Redskins standards maybe it is…

Actual odds to win the Super Bowl, at Bodog.com this week:

** Detroit Lions (2-8 record): 8000 to 1.
** Buffalo Bills (3-7): 5000 to 1.
** Maryland Racial Slurs (3-7): 300 to 1.
** Seattle Seahawks (3-7): 500 to 1.
** Philadelphia Eagles (6-4): 24 to 1.
** Dallas Cowboys (7-3): 20 to 1.
** Cincinnati Bengals (7-3): 11 to 1.
** San Diego Chargers (7-3): 8 to 1.
** Minnesota Vikings (9-1): 4 to 1.
** Indianapolis Colts (10-0): 7 to 2.
** New Orleans Saints (10-0): 7 to 2.

It’s almost worth that Lions bet. It’ll never happen, but $10 pays $80,000.

Every year I look forward to Thanksgiving (the second-best holiday of the year, right behind Draftsgiving). But every year when that Thursday rolls around I’m reminded that even in times of family bonding and relaxation, evil can creep in.

I’m referring, of course, to the made-up “tradition” that Dallas has to play football on Thanksgiving. The first nationally broadcast game on the holiday was Detroit, not Dallas. When the Cowboys joined the league, they decided they should steal that too, along with the integrity and decency of the league.

Don’t believe me? It’s all spelled out clearly right there:

Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving
-- TV? No. Gasbag clowns sink holiday --

No turducken can ever fully wash down the bitter taste they leave in your mouth.

Click on the standings to make them bigger.

Don’t be fooled by New Mike – he can be beat (hopefully by my sudden resurgence, thank you Jamaal Charles) if you hang in there. NewMike earned the Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week award this week, leaving a whopping 41 pts on his bench. That easily outdistanced Joel (38 pts on the bench) and Ant (36 pts) and Jeff (35 pts).

It’s not over. There are still six weeks left, and five teams within 170 pts of first place.

** Dad didn’t lose ground this week, but he didn’t gain any either: He sits at 12 back with just six weeks left. That’s just two wins per week the rest of the way. That’s still doable.

** Don’t forget: Three games on Thursday, so there are players on six teams you need to worry about before noon on the holiday. And the trade deadline is Dec. 4, which is an important date to remember anyway...

** Yeah, I typed turducken. And I meant it.

On base at Fort Awesome

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #16

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #15

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #14

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #13

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #12

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #11

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