We've got all the teams signed in, we've got the draft rules squared away, and we've got representatives from each of the teams present at Fort Awesome. It's time to put the first four names in the Eagles skull cap and kick off the new fantasy football season. First name out of the hopper is...
13 -- New Guy Mike (Pick Six Dix)
Ha! I'm already loving it; The new system screws the new guy. His representative, Jason Campbell playing in tonight's pre-season game against the Patriots, is promptly sacked while responding to the bad news.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
12 -- Bobert (Werewolf BarMitzvah)
If we had gone with a straight reverse of last year's standings, this is where Bob would have ended up. So his representative, a can of compressed air on the computer, lets out a small hiss but remains largely apathetic.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
11 -- Joanner (Chase Utley's WFCs)
Joanna's representative, Joanna, is not happy. This is the worst possible slot she could have landed under the rules. But, since she's picking the names, she has no one to blame but herself. And maybe T.O., somehow.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
10 -- Dad (BetterThanYourTeam)
And Dad gets screwed by the system too, picking the lowest he possibly could. His rep, my Harry Kalas tribute doll from 2000, sits quiet and defeated in the corner. It's mostly because the batteries died years ago, but it's also the disappointment.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
9 -- Heidi (name still TBD)
Finally, one of the unstoppable Fort Doyle brigade gets their name picked. Although, she should be happy; If we picked based on the date you got your team registered, she'd be dead last. Heidi's representative arrived too late to the draft to record her reaction.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
8 -- Capt. Awesome (ZombieJacko Comeback)
Let no one question the fairness of this complex drafting system; Joanna, my father and I all got the worst picks we possibly could. Son of a ... absolutely ridiculous. My representative, my Dawkins jersey, sits angry in the corner, for a number of reasons.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
7 -- Anthony (Suck My Vick)
You know, Champ Mike's name still hasn't been picked, and he certainly doesn't need the help to win this league again. This system sucks. Meanwhile, Ant's rep, a life-sized cardboard cutout of Mike Vick in full Eagles gear, is reduced to more self loathing by the news.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
6 -- Jim (Palin's Death Panels)
Jim's proxy, a wrinkled copy of Sports Illustrated in the recycling bin that has Troy Polamalu on the cover, smiles ominously. What does he have in store? Drafting Santonio Holmes with his top pick? Skipping the first round this year? It's always an adventure...
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
5 -- Joel (Bullets over Burress)
Joel's reward for the best team name is that he gets screwed by the new system too, picking two spots lower than if I just did it based on last year's standings. Still, his rep, a toy dart gun I have laying around, gets so excited by a top-half pick that it shoots me in the leg.
Final name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
4 -- Champ Mike (Bad Newz Iggles)
Finally. The only two-time Awesome Cup champion picks up where he left off last year, moving way up in the standings and getting a chance at a franchise-caliber running back for his team. His proxy, my digital thermometer, predicts stormy weather all season ... for the rest of the league.
The next pick is...
3 -- Paulie (I <3 WRs)
Good news for Paul, who will have plenty of WRs to choose from this high in the draft. Paul's rep, a pocket protector, asks me if I understand how truly nerdy his team name is. I beat him up and take his lunch money.
Just one pick left, and the runner up goes to...
2 -- Jeff (Blue Collar Killers)
Oooooh, our perennial cellar-dweller just misses out on the Adrian Peterson sweepstakes. His representative, a blue collared dress shirt that just came out of the wash, wrinkles itself in disgust. Or maybe I forgot fabric softener again.
It's irrelevant, because that means the top pick belongs to...
1 -- Neal (Plaxico's Attorney)
If Neal's lame team name is any indication, he'll need all the help he can get. His representative, my battery-operated Eagles hamster, does a dance in celebration of the victory. And soon Adrian Peterson will be doing the same on his team (unless he pulls an Anthony and decides to draft Westbrook first overall for no logical reason whatsoever).
OK, kids -- you've got until next Wednesday evening (Sept. 2) before I switch the league over to be drafted. If you want to re-rank players, or at least exclude all the Cowboys, you've got the weekend plus two more days to get it done.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
While we're waiting
We're still not quite ready to go with the fantasy football league yet -- last year's champion and his wife are waiting until the last second to sign up again -- but I wanted to brief everyone on the new draft order rules for this year.
In the past, I've shunned a straight-up reverse finish order because I believe that simply rewards failure. However, after my modified system awarded Anthony and myself the top pick three of the last four years, I decided that maybe the bottom dwellers need more help.
So we'll do a doubly-modified NBA style draft order, giving everyone a chance at the top pick but a really good chance for the worst players last year. Our top three 2008 finishers -- Champ Mike, Bobert and Heidi -- as well as New Guy Mike will have their names all thrown in the hat. We'll pick out one name, have that person pick 13th and then throw the next name (last year's fourth-place finisher, Anthony) into the mix. We'll pick for the 12th spot and then throw another name in.
The system's main advantage is no one will pick any worse than four spots lower than where they finished last year. And, for those who did well, you have a statistically fair chance of moving up the chart.
Taking all of that into account, here’s everyone's chance at getting that elusive #1 pick:
I'll let everyone know as soon as slowpoke #1 and slowpoke #2 sign up, and give you a few days before we start drafting players. Whoever ends up with Vick automatically gets slotted next to last in the preseason rankings.
Jeff, of course, will be slotted last.
UPDATE: Champ Mike has signed up, so we're almost there. I've updated his team name in the list
In the past, I've shunned a straight-up reverse finish order because I believe that simply rewards failure. However, after my modified system awarded Anthony and myself the top pick three of the last four years, I decided that maybe the bottom dwellers need more help.
So we'll do a doubly-modified NBA style draft order, giving everyone a chance at the top pick but a really good chance for the worst players last year. Our top three 2008 finishers -- Champ Mike, Bobert and Heidi -- as well as New Guy Mike will have their names all thrown in the hat. We'll pick out one name, have that person pick 13th and then throw the next name (last year's fourth-place finisher, Anthony) into the mix. We'll pick for the 12th spot and then throw another name in.
The system's main advantage is no one will pick any worse than four spots lower than where they finished last year. And, for those who did well, you have a statistically fair chance of moving up the chart.
Taking all of that into account, here’s everyone's chance at getting that elusive #1 pick:
| Team | % chance at #1 | Worst case |
| Jeff (Blue Collar Killers) | 25.0 percent | 4th place |
| Neal (Plaxico’s attorney) | 20.0 percent | 5th place |
| Joel (Bullets over Burress) | 16.7 percent | 6th place |
| Paulie (I <3 WRs) | 14.3 percent | 7th place |
| Capt. Awesome (ZombieJacko Comeback) | 12.5 percent | 8th place |
| Jim (Palin’s Death Panels) | 11.1 percent | 9th place |
| Dad (BetterThanYourTeam) | 10.0 percent | 10th place |
| Joanner (Chase Utley’s WFCs) | 9.1 percent | 11th place |
| Anthony (Suck my Vick) | 8.3 percent | 12th place |
| New Mike (Pick Six Dix) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
| Heidi (Name TDB) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
| Bobert (Werewolf Bar Mitzvah) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
| Champion Mike (Bad Newz Iggles) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
I'll let everyone know as soon as slowpoke #1 and slowpoke #2 sign up, and give you a few days before we start drafting players. Whoever ends up with Vick automatically gets slotted next to last in the preseason rankings.
Jeff, of course, will be slotted last.
UPDATE: Champ Mike has signed up, so we're almost there. I've updated his team name in the list
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
What to look for this Thursday
The first pre-season game always sets the tone for the entire year. Just look at 2008; The Eagles never fully recovered from their August 16-10 loss to the Steelers, and Pittsburgh went on to win the Super Bowl.
With that in mind, here are keys to look for in the game:
1) Who’s playing on defense?
Quick, name three players on the Iggles D right now. Lito? Nope, he’s on the Jets. Stewart Bradley? Out for the season. Trent Cole? Out for this week. Dawkins? Don’t go there. Sean Considine? No, thank gawd. Juqua Thomas? Not his name.
So who exactly is starting? Good question.
2) What position is Leonard Weaver playing?
It should be fascinating to see the longtime Seahawks fullback take the field for the first time in an Eagles uniform. Maybe they’ll split him wide as a fourth receiver. Maybe they’ll bring him inside to play left guard. Maybe they’ll put him in as a defensive tackle.
One thing is for sure – The third-and-one specialist won’t be touching the ball on third and one. That’d just be ridiculous.
3) Where’s the gatorade?
Gametime weather is supposed to be 80 degrees and humid. All I’m saying is that it’ll be hot and muggy, and McNabb might need some.
4) Can Hank Baskett win a job?
DeSean Jackson is the #1 WR. Kevin Curtis is #2, and first-round pick Jeremy Macklin and slot receiver Jason Avant are safe as #3s.
Baskett? Looks like he’s fighting Reggie Brown for the last wide receiver spot. And the Iggles need to see solid production to keep one of them around; They never hold onto underachieving wideouts for no good reason.
Speaking of which…
5) Can Greg Lewis win a job?
Ha! That’s the Patriots problem, not the birds. Good riddance, finally.
6) What mediocre 7th-round pick will become the next Koy Detmer?
You know, that one guy who looks good really late in the game when anyone with skill has stopped playing, but he ends up scoring two TDs and everybody thinks he’s the next Joe Montana or Barry Sanders? That guy.
Nominees include RB Marcus Maileli, WR Brandon Robinson and LB Matt Whilhelm. Trust me, you’ll be begging for more after scrub time Thursday.
7) Can Cliff Lee keep it going?
He’s 2-0 with only two earned runs in his first two Philly appearances. Can he go to 3-0?
Remember, kids, it’s still baseball season.
With that in mind, here are keys to look for in the game:
1) Who’s playing on defense?
Quick, name three players on the Iggles D right now. Lito? Nope, he’s on the Jets. Stewart Bradley? Out for the season. Trent Cole? Out for this week. Dawkins? Don’t go there. Sean Considine? No, thank gawd. Juqua Thomas? Not his name.
So who exactly is starting? Good question.
2) What position is Leonard Weaver playing?
It should be fascinating to see the longtime Seahawks fullback take the field for the first time in an Eagles uniform. Maybe they’ll split him wide as a fourth receiver. Maybe they’ll bring him inside to play left guard. Maybe they’ll put him in as a defensive tackle.
One thing is for sure – The third-and-one specialist won’t be touching the ball on third and one. That’d just be ridiculous.
3) Where’s the gatorade?
Gametime weather is supposed to be 80 degrees and humid. All I’m saying is that it’ll be hot and muggy, and McNabb might need some.
4) Can Hank Baskett win a job?
DeSean Jackson is the #1 WR. Kevin Curtis is #2, and first-round pick Jeremy Macklin and slot receiver Jason Avant are safe as #3s.
Baskett? Looks like he’s fighting Reggie Brown for the last wide receiver spot. And the Iggles need to see solid production to keep one of them around; They never hold onto underachieving wideouts for no good reason.
Speaking of which…
5) Can Greg Lewis win a job?
Ha! That’s the Patriots problem, not the birds. Good riddance, finally.
6) What mediocre 7th-round pick will become the next Koy Detmer?
You know, that one guy who looks good really late in the game when anyone with skill has stopped playing, but he ends up scoring two TDs and everybody thinks he’s the next Joe Montana or Barry Sanders? That guy.
Nominees include RB Marcus Maileli, WR Brandon Robinson and LB Matt Whilhelm. Trust me, you’ll be begging for more after scrub time Thursday.
7) Can Cliff Lee keep it going?
He’s 2-0 with only two earned runs in his first two Philly appearances. Can he go to 3-0?
Remember, kids, it’s still baseball season.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Choosing your team's name
It's fantasy football time again, which means it's time to settle on that perfect team name that'll follow you for the rest of the season.
It's no small task -- I'll remind you that the best team name last year, Mike's "Cougar in Chief," helped inspire his players and guide him to the league championship. Conversely, Jeff's legacy team name, "Blue Collar Killers," hasn't finished in the top five since 2005.
So think carefully before that next Favre or Mike Vick joke. To help inspire you, here are the rejected team names over at Fort Awesome, because they did not meet the required level of awesomeness:
South Kenya WhiteSox
** Obama's hometown team!
God hates KurtWarner
** Otherwise God would have let him win the Super Bowl.
Reigning AFL Champs
** For the second year in a row (and probably forever).
Lions' Perfect Season
** Not one pesky win on that record.
DeSean's Dropsies
** Symptoms get worse near the end zone.
Not in the Head
** Good advice from little Shane Victorino
So go cue up the T.O. jokes and sign up for the league -- the password is already in your email, although we may have room for one more serious, thoughtful player. And I'll reveal the names we chose in our pre-season rankings, after the draft on Aug. 28.
It's no small task -- I'll remind you that the best team name last year, Mike's "Cougar in Chief," helped inspire his players and guide him to the league championship. Conversely, Jeff's legacy team name, "Blue Collar Killers," hasn't finished in the top five since 2005.
So think carefully before that next Favre or Mike Vick joke. To help inspire you, here are the rejected team names over at Fort Awesome, because they did not meet the required level of awesomeness:
South Kenya WhiteSox
** Obama's hometown team!
God hates KurtWarner
** Otherwise God would have let him win the Super Bowl.
Reigning AFL Champs
** For the second year in a row (and probably forever).
Lions' Perfect Season
** Not one pesky win on that record.
DeSean's Dropsies
** Symptoms get worse near the end zone.
Not in the Head
** Good advice from little Shane Victorino
So go cue up the T.O. jokes and sign up for the league -- the password is already in your email, although we may have room for one more serious, thoughtful player. And I'll reveal the names we chose in our pre-season rankings, after the draft on Aug. 28.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
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