Fantasy recap week #12

Bowl projections after week 12



     Little known fact: After last year’s disappointing Super Bowl result, the NFL’s competition committee decided to go to a Bowl Championship Series format to make sure undeserving teams (like the 10-6 Giants) don’t spoil the coronation of great teams (like the 16-0 Patriots.) There’s still some football left to be played, but here’s how it’s shaping up:

Scrubbing Bubbles Toilet Bowl
Projection: Lions vs. Rams
     Loser wins the first pick in the 2009 draft. The winner actually goes home with a toilet trophy, symbolizing their slow spiral of suckitude.
Serta Mattress Hype Bowl
Projection: Cowboys vs Patriots
     The sponsor has already planned to strategically position hundreds of their finely crafted mattresses around the stadium, so that after one team loses its fans won’t get hurt as they leap off the bandwagon.
AIG Meltdown Bowl
Projection: Eagles vs. Chargers
     Both teams prospects were high at the start of the season, but have seen their fortunes crash. The winning team gets 500 shares of Wall Street financial stocks; The losing team has to take 1,000 shares.
Tostitos BCS Championship Bowl
Projection: Titans vs. USC Trojans
     That’ll make just as much sense as whatever the college championship game actually ends up being.
NFL Network Championship Bowl
Projection: Giants vs. Jets
     Why risk having the playoffs when you can pre-plan the greatest possible match-up: Two New York teams! Everyone can get behind that. No word yet on whether the NFL has decided to let St. Brett or St. Eli win this one.





Top Performers


QB: Matt Cassel, 40.00 pts – sitting on Heidi’s bench
RB: Michael Tuner, 35.70 pts – started by Jo
WR: Randy Moss, 34.83 pts – started by Mike
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 23.53 pts – started by Neal
K: Mick Folk, 19.00 pts – started by Neal
D: Ronde Barber, 13.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Baltimore, 33.00 pts – started by Bob
     Real surprise to see Baltimore on that list – wonder what happened this week to bump their numbers up.






Worst performers, “Eagles QBs” edition


3rd place: AJ Feeley, 0.00 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Kevin Kolb, -1.08 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Donovan McNabb -2.94 pts – started by Ant
     Yes, the best Eagles QB on Sunday was the only one not to take a snap.
     If Feeley had taken the field and simply thrown one pass into the ground, his QB rating would have been 39.6. Kolb posted a 15.3 rating, and McNabb’s was a amazing 13.2.
     Combined, the Eagles receivers had fewer yards (132) than the Ravens had interception return yards (163). In the last two games, Eagles QBs have accounted for nine turnovers and only one TD.
     But other than that, I can’t think of anything negative to say.





Stupidest thing I heard this week


     Before the Ohio State/Michigan game, ABC sideline analyst Paul McGuire said “I never realized what a big deal this game is for the fans.”
     If you would, try to forget that this is always one of the top five college football rivalries of the last 70 years. Try to forget that ABC had been hyping the game all week long.
     Instead, I’d like you to focus on the fact that McGuire has covered the game for ABC for the last four years. Did he not notice the fans were just a little more, um, vicious than usual at those games?
     For the record, Ohio State just barely squeaked by in that game with a 35-point margin of victory.





Actual results of plays I ran on Madden 09


     Game situation: Eagles vs. Ravens, Eagles have the ball 3rd and one at the 35-yard line, 10 ties at each formation. The results?
-- I-form, basic run up the middle: 80% success
-- Singleback, basic run up the middle: 70% success.
-- Strong I, basic run up the middle: 90% success, 1 TD
-- Weak I, basic run up the middle: 100% success
-- Singleback, 4WR slant routes: 50% success, 2 INTs
-- Splitback, 2WR curl routes: 40% success
-- Shotgun, 3WR slant routes: 50% success, 1 INT
-- Singleback, 2TE, fake handoff : 90% success, 6 TDs
     Ohmigawd, I figured it out! Andy can’t tell the difference between the video game and the real game!





Cowboys anagram insult of the week


     With Felix Jones out for the season, the Cowpokes have a new back-up RB: Tashard Choice. And I’ve never had a simpler anagram week in my life.
     ** Tashard Choice = Chaotic dasher **
     For the record, that one just beat out “A coached shirt” and “Scotch airhead” and “Coach dares hit” for this week’s entry.
     “I had sea crotch” was not considered.





Our standings so far


1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1543.34 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1472.24 pts
3rd place: The Moravians, Bob – 1468.18 pts
     It looked for a minute there like Bob or Dad (two pts behind Bob) might catch Heidi, but it’ll have to wait until next week. Meanwhile, Joanna jumped into fifth place after an impressive 175.32 pts week, the third highest total of the year (first was 182 pts by Jo in week 4).





News and notes


-- The trade deadline is Friday. If you want any of Joanna’s seven great RBs, today is the day to make an offer.
-- There are three Thursday night games. It’s also Thanksgiving. Try to remember both things.
-- And until I say otherwise, Andy Reid is getting the Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week award. Until he discovers what a fullback is, everyone else is just battling for second.
-- The Phils still won the World Series, by the way.

Fantasy recap week #11

Things Donovan should learn about ties






-- Since the start of 1974, when the NFL implemented its current overtime system, there have been 17 tie games during the regular season.
-- The Eagles have been involved in four of them: in 1984, against the Lions; in 1986, against the Cardinals; in 1997, against the Ravens; and Sunday.
-- The Eagles four ties in the last 34 years are the most of any team except the Packers, who also have four.
-- In six of the 17 ties, the final score has been 10-10. The lowest scoring tie was a 7-7 game between the Giants and Maryland Racial Slurs in 1997.
-- College football no longer has ties because college football has a much more awesome overtime system than the NFL.
-- If there was any justice in the world, ties would be replaced with losses for both teams.







Top Performers






QB: Matt Cassell, 42.20 pts – started by Heidi
RB: Marshawn Lynch, 31.77 pts – started by Neal
WR: TJ Whosyourmama, 28.47 pts – started by Mike
TE: Ben Watson, 17.87 pts – sitting on the wire
K: Phil Dawson, 21.00 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Aaron Ross, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: NY Giants, 21.00 pts – started by Heidi
     Funny story – to win the week in my other league, all I needed was for Lynch to collect fewer than 14 points in the Monday night game. Wait, that’s not funny at all….







Worst Performers, “QBs so far this year” edition






3rd place (tie): Josh McCown, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
3rd place (tie): Cleo Lemon, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Patrick Ramsey -1.24 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Kellen Clemens -1.26 pts – sitting on the wire
     The race to see who the worst player of the year is still a tight one. On the season, Clemens has 26 passing yards, one pick and –3 yards rushing. Ramsey has 19 passing yards and a fumble, but is also out for the year and can’t improve on his stats. Here’s hoping the Jets can put Clemens in for at least one more pick to make things interesting.







Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award






     I had a couple different options for this one, so I decided it would end in a tie and we wouldn’t speak of it again.







Stupidest thing I heard this week






     You mean besides Donovan not knowing you could get a tie in pro football?
     How about Kenny Albert in that game, who announced at the end that “A tie is better than a loss but not as good as a win?”
     Nah, Donovan not knowing you could have a tie is still dumber.







Things you might not know about the 10-0 Tennessee Titans












    Everything.


Seriously, besides hearing that Kerry Collins is QB, do you know anything about this team? How are they still undefeated?







Dallas anagram insult of the week






     I actually wanted to say something nice about a Cowboy this week – their new offensive lineman, Kyle Kosier, is a journeyman who seems to have finally found a spot down in Dallas. And you feel even better about him when you rearrange “Starting Left Guard Kyle Blaine Kosier” you find out that…

     **Forget nuke: I beat, kill strangers daily**

     OH SWEET HEAVEN! SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!!!!







Our standings so far






1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1416.57 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1355.03 pts
3rd place: Ice Road Truckers, Dad – 1330.89 pts
     Still plenty of people within spitting distance of second place but Mike is pulling away in first place. We may need to think about a lead pipe to the knee soon.







News and Notes






-- Trade deadline coming up, Thursday night game this week, blah blah blah blah
-- Michigan-Ohio State this weekend. My betting advice is to take the Wolverines and the 67 points the oddsmakers are giving them. Wait, they aren’t picking the Buckeyes to win by eight touchdowns? Why not?
-- Phils are still world champions, by the way.

Fantasy recap week #10

Time for everyone’s favorite game



     Think you know the NFL? See if you can identify whether the following people are starters from the undefeated Tennessee Titans or characters from the movie “Remember the Titans”
-- Ray Budds: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Stephen Tulloch: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Chris Hope: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Ken Amato: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Ronnie Bass: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Michael Griffin: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Bill Yoast: Titan or Titan? Answer
     Scoring key: If you actually knew any of them, and didn't guess, you win. Or lose at having a life, as the case may be.





Top performers



QB: Jay Cutler, 36.78 pts – started by Paul
RB: Thomas Jones, 32.90 pts – started by Ant
WR: Anquan Boldin, 27.03 pts – started by Paul
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 29.53 pts – started by Neal
K: Jay Feeley, 21.50 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Julius Peppers, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: NY Jets, 28.00 pts – started by Heidi
     Just missing the cut: Kansas City QB Tyler Thigpen, the third-highest player of the week with 31.24 pts. Yes, that Kansas City. No, not Bobby Thigpen. Never Bobby Thigpen.





Worst Performers, veterans edition



3rd place (tie): Cleo Lemon, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
3rd place (tie): Kellen Clemens, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Marc Bulger, -1.40 pts – sitting on Neal’s bench
1st place: Amhard Hall, -2.10 pts – sitting on the wire
     Yes, I’m celebrating veterans day by highlighting the miserable week of Hall, a retired Marine and a frequent visitor to VA hospitals all over the country. I think somebody wrote a story about his trip to the NFL a while back…





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     I was gonna give this to Jim for starting someone on a bye again, but then Andy Reid threw a red flag to challenge my decision.
     Even after that I was gonna give it to Jim, but then Andy threw a second challenge, so I had no choice but to give the award to him. Who am I to question two pointless challenges?





Stupidest thing I heard this week



     Before the Penn State game on Saturday, genius commentator Bob Griese said that it was going to be a tough but not impossible task for Iowa to defeat the Nittany Lions.
     “Their main goal today is to keep the chains moving,” he said. “That’s going to be the key.”
     Standard football understatement, right? In order to win the game you’re gonna have to gain some yards? No duh?
     Only he immediately followed that with a lecture about how Iowa has been able to move the ball but not finish drives with points. He brought that point up again early in the game, when Iowa had the ball just a few yards from scoring. So Griese’s “main goal” was for the Hawkeyes to keep repeating the mistakes that have made all year long.
     Iowa won, by the way. They could have gone for a first down on the last play of the game and kept the chains moving, like Griese wanted, but instead they kicked the game-winning field goal.



Funnest game of the year since last week’s funnest game of the year



    In case you missed the Vikings/Packers game on Sunday it featured:
-- Two safeties by the Minnesota defense in the first half;
-- An interception returned for a TD by GB in the third;
-- A punt returned for a TD by GB in the third;
-- A combined 17 penalties for 153 yards;
-- A missed 52-yard field goal at the end of the game, allowing Minnesota to win 28-27.
    Sure, Vikings RB Adrian Peterson rushed for 192 yards and grabbed another 33 receiving yards, but the real fun was seeing a major screw-up every three minutes in this game. If there were any justice in the world it would have ended in a tie.





Dallas anagram insult of the week



     I’m a little conflicted this week because the Dallas/Maryland Racial Slurs game could have big implications for the Iggles. A Dallas loss leaves them squarely in last, but a Maryland loss makes it easier for Philly to climb back into the playoff race. And when I looked to “A Cowboys/Redskins NFL game” for guidance it didn’t get any easier:
     ** A rag fleck mess. Nobody wins **
     Maybe I’ll watch my World Series recordings again Sunday night.





Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1276.84 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1215.81 pts
3rd place: Madden hearts NY, me – 1211.96 pts
     Sorry to everyone who checked in Monday morning and saw me in sixth place – my QB and top WR still hadn’t played yet, and after Warner’s three TDs I’m just a hair behind Heidi. And the difference between second place and ninth is still just 114 points, meaning just about anyone could make a late run.
     OK, not Jeff and Neal, but just about anyone else.





News and notes



-- The bye weeks are finally done, but the trade deadline is looming. If you want to pass any good players my way, you only have a few more weeks.
-- If you don’t get the Eli bullet pics on the left, just keep scrolling down to Sunday’s post.
-- Phils are still world champions, by the way.

"Special" guest tonight

We've had a very unwelcome visitor at the house for a few months now, but tonight we decided to be charitable and pull him out of the junk closet we keep him in so he could watch the first Iggles-Giants game of the season. Please welcome ...

The third string QB of the Manning family!

Eli felt a little out of place in our house, so he tried very hard to fit in.

When he got cold, we found an old sock that made a perfect sleeping bag for him.

He made new friends very quickly.

Here he is pretending he's the best QB in the division, instead of just the luckiest.

Look, it's the VP and the MVP!!! Why couldn't we have them visit instead?

Our visitor missed the two actual stars on TV.

He had a little trouble reading about the Eagles 1990 defense too.

And when we tried to help him out, he got even more confused.

Don't worry, he's still making that dopey face under there.

He got cold again, so I did what I could to help out.

Eli had to go to bed at halftime -- Too bad he couldn't stay awake for the second half. We'll have to tell him how the game ended tomorrow, if we decide to let him out of the junk closet again.

Fantasy recap week #9

Non-stop happy thoughts about the Phillies



-- Only 360 days left until you have to stop referring to the Phils as “reigning champions.” And that’s if they don’t repeat.
-- Last time the Phillies won the World Series, the Eagles played the Raiders in the Super Bowl. And the Raiders really stink this year, so the Birds could win that game this time.
-- Somewhere, up in New York, there’s a Mets fan who will always have “Jimmy Rollins” and “World Series champion” linked in his angry little head.
-- That little icon picture on the left? Oh yeah, that’s my picture. I got to see the trophy in Philly.





Top performers



QB: Kurt Warner, 25.48 pts – started by me
2B: Chase Utley, 104 RBIs – started by the Phils
RB: Chris Johnson, 25.70 pts – started by Jim
WR: Derrick Mason, 24.07 pts – started by me
CF: Shane Victorino, 102 runs – started by the Phils
TE: Owen Daniels, 19.87 pts – started by Joel
K: Dan Carpenter, 17.00 pts – sitting on the wire
CP: Brad Lidge, 48 saves – stared by the Phils
D: Four players tied at 10.50 pts – all on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 25.00 pts – started by Jim
     Lotsa good names up there.





Worst Performers, non-World-Series champs edition



3rd place: Kevin Jones, -0.10 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Brad Johnson, -1.16 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Glenn Holt, -1.32 pts – sitting on the wire
     Yep, it’s that Brad Johnson, of the cowpokes: 71 passing yards and two INTs is not a good game. But the important thing is he tried. And failed.





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     Aw, we don’t really need this with all the Phillies World Series love in the air, do we? Let’s just skip it for this week and go right to …





Phillies anagram admiration of the week



     Sorry, I just don’t have the hate in me right now. And especially not after I saw what “Phillies first baseman Ryan James Howard” spells out:
     ** Has the brain, fans, pal Jimmy, a World Series
     What more can you ask for in life? Besides a Cowboys loss?





Greatest thing I read this week



     Sign from the championship parade: “David Wright is home playing golf. This is better.”





Stupidest thing I heard this week



     On Tuesday CNN had two teens on who were covering the presidential campaign for their community radio station. They we’re very excited.
     “This is a historic night,” one said, live and on the air, “because history is going to happen.”
     OK, maybe I have a little hate in me. Let’s back up.





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     The good news is the bye weeks are almost all finished. The bad news is they aren’t finished yet.
     Neal started a WR on a bye and left 27 pts on his bench, Jim started a QB on a bye and left 19 on his bench, and Jeff decided not to start any defensive player at all and left 20 pts on his bench. So all three get to share this week’s recognition.
     Honorable mention goes to Dad, who left 35 points on his bench and would still be in third place if he hadn’t decided to start the RB playing the Eagles last week. That’s what you get for treasonous tendancies.




Funnest box score of the year




    From the Hotlanta Falcons 24-0 win over the Raiders:
-- Time of possession: Falcons 45:15, Raiders 14:45
-- Total yards: Falcons 453, Raiders 77 (-2 in the first half)
-- First downs: Falcons 30, Raiders 3
-- Net yards passing: Falcons 201, Raiders 10
-- Site of game: Oakland, California
    Seriously, the Eagles could beat them if they meet in the Super Bowl this year.





Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1144.48 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1111.76 pts
3rd place: Madden hearts NY, me – 1066.25 pts
     Lookie who finally cracked the top three? I’m feeling the love coming back again…





News and notes



-- There’s a Thursday night game this week, Browns vs. Broncos. Remember to set your roster if you’re got players on either of those teams.
-- Trade deadline is coming up soon too. Dad is still trying to dump WR Roy Williams for cheap.
-- Phils are still world champions, by the way.

Election night snafus

I'm working all night, so no fantasy football/anagram updates until tomorrow.

Until then, I leave you with the awesomest pics I've taken in a while.