I know you're getting ready for the football season, but do you have all the supplies you need? Here's a quick look at some of the essentials available on Ebay for Eagles fans right now:
Terrell Owens Jersey, Youth Medium ($7.99)
It's a steal for his return stint with the Eagles in 2011, when Mike Vick is the starting QB and Osama Bin Laden is signed at WR.
Philadelphia Eagles pumpkin carving kit ($5.99)
Includes six different patterns, but only five include the Eagles logo or name. But it's never too early to get ready for Halloween.
Five-foot tall fake Eagles mascot ($330.99)
I have no idea what team uses this mascot, but it's not the Eagles. Maybe it's the Palo Alto Pencil-Eraser Birds?
Game-worn Brian Westbrook trading card ($0.99)
I can only assume that Westbrook wore the card after one of his concussions, because nothing in that phrase makes any sense.
Philadelphia Eagles painted quarters ($14.99)
Set of three includes McNabb, Owens, Westbrook. From the seller: "If a die hard Eagles Fan can see none of these players play for them anymore great item good luck."
Four tickets to the Eagles/Vikings game ($3,515.60)
For the same price as a used car you could get up close with Minnesota QB Brett Favre ... provided he doesn't retire again between now and December.
Eagles wedding garter ($9.99)
Of course, if you throw this at your wedding, there's always the danger Asante Samuel will appear and tackle someone. I'm just kidding. Samuel never tackles anyone.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
2010 Fantasy Football draft order
Get ready, kids. Everybody is signed up for the return of the "Who needs linebackers?" fantasy league, and of course you're all familiar with the draft rules. So, with everyone's proxy assembled at Fort Awesome, let's select the draft order for this season.
Good luck to all, and the first name being pulled from the Eagles' skull cap is ...
12 -- West Coast Westy (Capt. Awesome)
Son of a ... really? I've got to rearrange these draft rules next year. In response to getting the worst pick possible, my proxy, a dancing Eagles hamster, remains silent and furry. Let no one say that this process is rigged.
The next name out of the hat goes to...
11 -- Why Can't Us (Ant)
Just a bit of bad luck for Anthony, who would have picked 8th in a traditional draft order. But the good news is that Ladanian Tomlinson will probably still be available here, since he always ends up drafting him. His proxy, a Donovan McNabb bobble head doll, vomits in response. In fairness, it's been pretty hot in this room.
Next pick goes to...
10 -- StayPuft Haynesworth (New Mike)
Our reigning champ gets a slightly higher pick than expected, but that might be bad news. He won the league picking 13th last year. We only have 12 teams this year, because per league policy our last place finisher was executed at season's end in January. Mike's representative, a fluffy white pillow, lays on the floor apathetic in response, much like Albert Hanyesworth.
Moving on, the next name appearing is...
9 -- I Love Me Some Me (Joanner)
At word of the news Joanna's proxy, Junior Awesome, promptly cries and fills his diaper. I remind him that his mother just picked out my name dead last. He reminds me that it's my turn to change his diaper by yelling louder.
After a slight diaper delay, we're back to picking and the next slot goes to...
8 -- I Heart WRs (Paul)
Paul's pick comes in ... exactly where he finished last year. How dull. Sort of like the Eagles' first-string preseason offense. Paul's proxy, a mini-level sitting on my desk, remains perfectly and uninterestingly balanced.
Next name out of the hat belongs to...
7 -- Jonathan's PopPop (Dad)
Bad news to everyone picking after #7 -- you no longer have any shot of picking up Kevin Kolb, who is already one of the top four QBs all-time according to my father (behind John Elway, Dan Marino and Koy Detmer, of course). Dad's representative, a green teddy bear signaling touchdown, signals touchdown in response. Apparently, he doesn't know that a TD is only worth 6 before the extra point.
Our next selection goes to lucky player ...
6 -- Heidi's team (Heidi)
Hoepfully that name is just a placeholder, but the pick is for sure now. Our only player to be banned a season for steroids will pick right in the middle of the pack. Heidi's proxy, a bottle of NyQuil, remains green and angry, vowing revenge on all who dare challenge it.
Moving along quickly, the next name is ...
5 -- Springfield Atoms (Bobert)
Tough break for Bob, who would have gotten the third pick in a most just system. Instead of getting Ray Rice he'll be forced to swallow another year of Frank Gore. Bob's proxy, an elderly gentleman on Pawn Stars trying to sell his 18th century rifle, is devastated by the news that his gun is actually a fake. The news of the #5 pick doesn't seems to affect him at all, however.
Back in the hat, and the next slip pulled out belongs to...
4 -- Obama's Kenyan Birth (Jim)
Jim finished uncharacteristically poorly last year, but even with a pick this high still probably won't pick an RB with his first pick. But despite that character flaw I appreciate that Jim each year tries to class up the joint with some political humor. His representative, a copy of the Constitution on our bookshelf, weeps at both the pick slot and the team name.
Only three players left, and the next one out of the hat is ...
3 -- The Tebow Connection (Joel)
Am I the only one who has been singing non-stop since Joel first posted his team name? "Why aren't there many more songs about Tebow/ And how he's such a swell guy? / Someday we'll find it / The Tebow Connection / The lovers, the Broncos, and meeeee." Joel's proxy, Elmo's First Book of Colors, smiles approvingly. Ironically, orange doesn't come up until the last page of the book.
Two names left, and the first-runner up goes to ...
2 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
The beautiful thing about presason is that every fan believes this could be the year their team wins it all ... even Jeff's team, which usually suffers a heroic string of bad luck and bad management to end up at the bottom each year. His proxy, one of my blue dress shirts, falls off a hanger and crumples in response to the pick.
That leaves just one player left, so congrats to...
1 -- I'm on a Horse (Champ Mike)
Our only two-time Awesome Cup champion scores another minor victory, moving up five spots in the draft order to grab the first overall pick. He doesn't need the extra help, but something tells me he's not going to complain about it either. His proxy, a stuffed panda, waits menicingly for the inveitable bloodbath to come.
That's it folks. Everybody get your draft order set, and I'll flip the switch on Sept. 1. That gives you all a week and a day to get your affairs in order. Remember that whoever drafts Tony Romo automatically gets the preseason last place ranking. Any other questions, you know where to find me.
Good luck to all, and the first name being pulled from the Eagles' skull cap is ...
12 -- West Coast Westy (Capt. Awesome)
Son of a ... really? I've got to rearrange these draft rules next year. In response to getting the worst pick possible, my proxy, a dancing Eagles hamster, remains silent and furry. Let no one say that this process is rigged.
The next name out of the hat goes to...
11 -- Why Can't Us (Ant)
Just a bit of bad luck for Anthony, who would have picked 8th in a traditional draft order. But the good news is that Ladanian Tomlinson will probably still be available here, since he always ends up drafting him. His proxy, a Donovan McNabb bobble head doll, vomits in response. In fairness, it's been pretty hot in this room.
Next pick goes to...
10 -- StayPuft Haynesworth (New Mike)
Our reigning champ gets a slightly higher pick than expected, but that might be bad news. He won the league picking 13th last year. We only have 12 teams this year, because per league policy our last place finisher was executed at season's end in January. Mike's representative, a fluffy white pillow, lays on the floor apathetic in response, much like Albert Hanyesworth.
Moving on, the next name appearing is...
9 -- I Love Me Some Me (Joanner)
At word of the news Joanna's proxy, Junior Awesome, promptly cries and fills his diaper. I remind him that his mother just picked out my name dead last. He reminds me that it's my turn to change his diaper by yelling louder.
After a slight diaper delay, we're back to picking and the next slot goes to...
8 -- I Heart WRs (Paul)
Paul's pick comes in ... exactly where he finished last year. How dull. Sort of like the Eagles' first-string preseason offense. Paul's proxy, a mini-level sitting on my desk, remains perfectly and uninterestingly balanced.
Next name out of the hat belongs to...
7 -- Jonathan's PopPop (Dad)
Bad news to everyone picking after #7 -- you no longer have any shot of picking up Kevin Kolb, who is already one of the top four QBs all-time according to my father (behind John Elway, Dan Marino and Koy Detmer, of course). Dad's representative, a green teddy bear signaling touchdown, signals touchdown in response. Apparently, he doesn't know that a TD is only worth 6 before the extra point.
Our next selection goes to lucky player ...
6 -- Heidi's team (Heidi)
Hoepfully that name is just a placeholder, but the pick is for sure now. Our only player to be banned a season for steroids will pick right in the middle of the pack. Heidi's proxy, a bottle of NyQuil, remains green and angry, vowing revenge on all who dare challenge it.
Moving along quickly, the next name is ...
5 -- Springfield Atoms (Bobert)
Tough break for Bob, who would have gotten the third pick in a most just system. Instead of getting Ray Rice he'll be forced to swallow another year of Frank Gore. Bob's proxy, an elderly gentleman on Pawn Stars trying to sell his 18th century rifle, is devastated by the news that his gun is actually a fake. The news of the #5 pick doesn't seems to affect him at all, however.
Back in the hat, and the next slip pulled out belongs to...
4 -- Obama's Kenyan Birth (Jim)
Jim finished uncharacteristically poorly last year, but even with a pick this high still probably won't pick an RB with his first pick. But despite that character flaw I appreciate that Jim each year tries to class up the joint with some political humor. His representative, a copy of the Constitution on our bookshelf, weeps at both the pick slot and the team name.
Only three players left, and the next one out of the hat is ...
3 -- The Tebow Connection (Joel)
Am I the only one who has been singing non-stop since Joel first posted his team name? "Why aren't there many more songs about Tebow/ And how he's such a swell guy? / Someday we'll find it / The Tebow Connection / The lovers, the Broncos, and meeeee." Joel's proxy, Elmo's First Book of Colors, smiles approvingly. Ironically, orange doesn't come up until the last page of the book.
Two names left, and the first-runner up goes to ...
2 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
The beautiful thing about presason is that every fan believes this could be the year their team wins it all ... even Jeff's team, which usually suffers a heroic string of bad luck and bad management to end up at the bottom each year. His proxy, one of my blue dress shirts, falls off a hanger and crumples in response to the pick.
That leaves just one player left, so congrats to...
1 -- I'm on a Horse (Champ Mike)
Our only two-time Awesome Cup champion scores another minor victory, moving up five spots in the draft order to grab the first overall pick. He doesn't need the extra help, but something tells me he's not going to complain about it either. His proxy, a stuffed panda, waits menicingly for the inveitable bloodbath to come.
That's it folks. Everybody get your draft order set, and I'll flip the switch on Sept. 1. That gives you all a week and a day to get your affairs in order. Remember that whoever drafts Tony Romo automatically gets the preseason last place ranking. Any other questions, you know where to find me.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Proposed Kolb grading system
Sure, you could just look at the Eagles record to decide how well new QB Kevin Kolb is playing. But what fun would that be? What we need here is a set of statistical criteria to judge every aspect of Kolb’s game against how the Maryland Racial Slurs’ new QB (Donovan McNabb) is doing, and then determine a clear and completely arbitrary winner. In fact, we should do that every single week, constantly evaluating and second-guessing Kolb’s entire career.
So, let’s see what we’ve got from the first set of preseason games:
---------------------------------------------
QB Rating: Point to McNabb
Kolb 83.5, McNabb 124.0
Completion percentage: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6/11, McNabb 5/8
Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 95, McNabb 58
TDs: Point to McNabb
Kolb 0, McNabb 1
Turnovers: Push
Kolb 0, McNabb 0
Rushing Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 15, McNabb 1
Team offensive points: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6, McNabb 7
Team win: Push
Kolb Yes, McNabb Yes
Result: McNabb 4, Kolb 2, Push 2.
Results for the year: McNabb leads 1-0 (preseason)
---------------------------------------------
Keep in mind that this is still the preseason, so I may tweak the formula before the regular season recaps begin.
So, let’s see what we’ve got from the first set of preseason games:
---------------------------------------------
QB Rating: Point to McNabb
Kolb 83.5, McNabb 124.0
Completion percentage: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6/11, McNabb 5/8
Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 95, McNabb 58
TDs: Point to McNabb
Kolb 0, McNabb 1
Turnovers: Push
Kolb 0, McNabb 0
Rushing Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 15, McNabb 1
Team offensive points: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6, McNabb 7
Team win: Push
Kolb Yes, McNabb Yes
Result: McNabb 4, Kolb 2, Push 2.
Results for the year: McNabb leads 1-0 (preseason)
---------------------------------------------
Keep in mind that this is still the preseason, so I may tweak the formula before the regular season recaps begin.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Same as it ever was
A look at the Phillies, through 111 games:
Starting rotation
2009 – Lee, Happ, Martinez, Moyer, Hamels
2010 – Halladay, Oswalt, Blanton, Kendrick, Hamels
Infield
2009 – Howard, Utley, Rollins, Feliz
2010 – Sweeney, Valdez, Rollins, Polanco
Road record
2009 – 34 wins, 19 losses
2010 – 26 wins, 30 losses
Runs scored
2009 – 585
2010 – 524
All Stars
2009 – Five (Howard, Utley, Ibanez, Victorino, Werth)
2010 – Two (Howard, Halladay)
Record
2009 – 63-48
2010 – 62-49
So, one year later, we’ve had three controversial pitcher trades, a complete replacement of the bench, major injuries to half the team … and we’re back to the exact same spot. Yay?
Starting rotation
2009 – Lee, Happ, Martinez, Moyer, Hamels
2010 – Halladay, Oswalt, Blanton, Kendrick, Hamels
Infield
2009 – Howard, Utley, Rollins, Feliz
2010 – Sweeney, Valdez, Rollins, Polanco
Road record
2009 – 34 wins, 19 losses
2010 – 26 wins, 30 losses
Runs scored
2009 – 585
2010 – 524
All Stars
2009 – Five (Howard, Utley, Ibanez, Victorino, Werth)
2010 – Two (Howard, Halladay)
Record
2009 – 63-48
2010 – 62-49
So, one year later, we’ve had three controversial pitcher trades, a complete replacement of the bench, major injuries to half the team … and we’re back to the exact same spot. Yay?
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Office turnover
Since K David Akers joined the Eagles 11 years ago, he’s had 246 different co-workers on the playing field alongside him (not including coaches and trainers). His oldest co-worker, QB Donovan McNabb, had been with him since 1999 but was traded from the team in the off-season.
Here’s a closer look at the cast of characters he’s toiled alongside since his start as an Eagles employee:
** 11 different QBs have taken snaps in games (or at least in practice) for the Eagles over that span. They are (in descending order of skill) Donovan McNabb, Jeff Garcia, A. J. Feeley, Koy Detmer, Michael Vick, Jeff Blake, Mike McMahon, Doug Pederson, Andy Hall, Tim Hasselbeck and Kevin Kolb.
** 22 different RBs have taken a hand-off since then, most notably Duce Staley and Brian Westbrook. But the list also includes luminaries like Amp Lee, Eric Bieniemy, Rod ‘He Hate Me’ Smart, Darnell Autry, and someone named Eric McCoo.
** The team has employed 33 different offensive linemen but 45 unique defensive linemen – unusual, since a typical defense features just four linemen and a typical offense five.
** The Eagles have employed three other kickers – Jose Cortez, Norm Johnson and Todd France – during Akers stay but needed seven other punters. They include Dirk Johnson, Sean Landeta and Sav Rocca, but also some guy named Reggie Hodges.
** 32 different linebackers have taken the field during the span. Only three were good: Jeremiah Trotter, Ike Reese and William Thomas. Among those who were not: Mike Labinjo, Pago Togafau, Torrance Daniels.
** Only two players of the 246 were listed before Akers in the Eagles' alphabetical roster over that time frame: LB Keith Adams and DE Victor Abiamiri.
** The team has gone through 28 different WRs over that span, but only three have posted a 1,000-yard season: Terrell Owens in 2004, Kevin Curtis in 2007 and DeSean Jackson in 2009. Surprisingly, that list does not include great wideouts like Dietrich Jells, Billy McMullen or Na Brown.
The Eagles invited 21 rookies to training camp this year and 8 other new veterans, so it looks like Akers will be making more new friends soon.
Here’s a closer look at the cast of characters he’s toiled alongside since his start as an Eagles employee:
** 11 different QBs have taken snaps in games (or at least in practice) for the Eagles over that span. They are (in descending order of skill) Donovan McNabb, Jeff Garcia, A. J. Feeley, Koy Detmer, Michael Vick, Jeff Blake, Mike McMahon, Doug Pederson, Andy Hall, Tim Hasselbeck and Kevin Kolb.
** 22 different RBs have taken a hand-off since then, most notably Duce Staley and Brian Westbrook. But the list also includes luminaries like Amp Lee, Eric Bieniemy, Rod ‘He Hate Me’ Smart, Darnell Autry, and someone named Eric McCoo.
** The team has employed 33 different offensive linemen but 45 unique defensive linemen – unusual, since a typical defense features just four linemen and a typical offense five.
** The Eagles have employed three other kickers – Jose Cortez, Norm Johnson and Todd France – during Akers stay but needed seven other punters. They include Dirk Johnson, Sean Landeta and Sav Rocca, but also some guy named Reggie Hodges.
** 32 different linebackers have taken the field during the span. Only three were good: Jeremiah Trotter, Ike Reese and William Thomas. Among those who were not: Mike Labinjo, Pago Togafau, Torrance Daniels.
** Only two players of the 246 were listed before Akers in the Eagles' alphabetical roster over that time frame: LB Keith Adams and DE Victor Abiamiri.
** The team has gone through 28 different WRs over that span, but only three have posted a 1,000-yard season: Terrell Owens in 2004, Kevin Curtis in 2007 and DeSean Jackson in 2009. Surprisingly, that list does not include great wideouts like Dietrich Jells, Billy McMullen or Na Brown.
The Eagles invited 21 rookies to training camp this year and 8 other new veterans, so it looks like Akers will be making more new friends soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)