It’s time again to break down the Eagles draft the only sensible way – looking at the anagrams of their names to see what we can learn about their character:
DE Brandon Graham
Anagram: Bang hard or amend
Verdict: Great slogan for a pass rusher. Either hit people hard, or change your ways. I expect great things.
FS Nate Allen
Anagram: Flannel seat
Verdict: I assume this means he’s soft and plaid. Neither are what you want in a shut-down safety.
DE Daniel Te'o-Nesheim
Anagram: Dead enemies hotline
Verdict: Awesome. Just awesome. The defensive line looks better already.
CB Trevard Lindley
Anagram: Dirty, clever, bland
Verdict: As long as he’s a smart, hard worker, I can accept that he’s boring as hell.
LB Keenan Clayton
Anagram: Bony ankle lancet
Verdict: Plays like a knife cutting down to your bone. Jeez, the defensive guys are really getting it this year.
QB Mike Kafka
Anagram: Mi a hack, fake QB
Verdict: Not only is he a fake QB, but his spelling skills look terrible. Not what you want from a field general.
TE Clay Harbor
Anagram: A lacy brother
Anagram: A racy brothel
Anagram: Breathy Carol
Verdict: Honestly, I’m having trouble finding a non-dirty anagram for this guy. Sounds like a clubhouse problem to me.
DE Ricky Sapp
Anagram: Spidery pack
Verdict: OK anagram, but no way it beats the DEs ahead of him in this draft.
WR Riley Cooper
Anagram: Yowl -- Epic error.
Verdict: If you can spell out “epic error” with the letters in your name, you’re in trouble.
RB Charles Scott
Anagram: Crotch blasters
Verdict: Not sure if that means he’s so fast he’ll fake you out of your pants or his. Either way, sounds exciting.
LB Jamar Chaney
Anagram: Mean archly jab
Verdict: I’m not sure what that is, but it sounds angry. So, that’s good news … yes?
DT Jeff Owens
Anagram: Few fond jets
Verdict: Well, yes, there are few players on the Jets that I like. I hardly see how that’s relevant here.
SS Kurt Coleman
Anagram: Tumors slacken
Verdict: Well, at least he has those growths under control.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Draftsgiving 2010
I know the Thursday start of this year's NFL draft has left a lot of folks wondering what exactly the change means for the annual Drafsgiving celebration. Fear not; Not even ESPN can take all of the fun out of sports and holidays (although they're trying hard.) Here's a list of do's and don't's for this year's celebration:
DO -- start drinking on Thursday. Sure, the real celebration still starts Saturday at 11:55 am, but it doesn't hurt to watch the first round of the draft with a beer in hand.
DON'T -- assume that you can skip watching the 4th through 7th rounds on Saturday. Just because the big name guys are gone, that doesn't mean you can celebrate without watching the monotony. It's not called "Whatever-else-is-on-TV-giving" after all.
DO -- write difficult NFL trivia questions for your partygoers. Here's a good one: Name Philadelphia Eagle who isn't DeSean Jackson. McNabb? Westbrook? Sheldon Brown? Wrong.
DON'T -- Trade your franchise QB for a second-round lineman. That's just straight up dumb.
DO -- Start your official festivities at 11:55 am. Saturday's draft coverage starts at 10 am, but 9:55 am is a little too early to start drinking on any holiday (except Christmas, of course).
DON'T -- buy presents. Have you learned nothing about the spirit of Draftsgiving? If anything, you should probably steal something. How about a franchise QB for a second rounder?
DO -- root for your team to pick Roddick Muckelroy in the 6th round. First, the Texas LB is terribly underrated. Second, it'll confuse everyone at the party.
DON'T -- mention Tim Tebow. Just don't. We've all heard enough already.
One other note: Since every Draftsgiving celebration at Fort Awesome in Maryland so far has featured Donovan McNabb in Philadelphia, we thought it was only right ot move the celebration up to Philly since Donovan is now down here in Mayland. So, if you'll be in the Philly area this weekend, check in with me for more details.
DO -- start drinking on Thursday. Sure, the real celebration still starts Saturday at 11:55 am, but it doesn't hurt to watch the first round of the draft with a beer in hand.
DON'T -- assume that you can skip watching the 4th through 7th rounds on Saturday. Just because the big name guys are gone, that doesn't mean you can celebrate without watching the monotony. It's not called "Whatever-else-is-on-TV-giving" after all.
DO -- write difficult NFL trivia questions for your partygoers. Here's a good one: Name Philadelphia Eagle who isn't DeSean Jackson. McNabb? Westbrook? Sheldon Brown? Wrong.
DON'T -- Trade your franchise QB for a second-round lineman. That's just straight up dumb.
DO -- Start your official festivities at 11:55 am. Saturday's draft coverage starts at 10 am, but 9:55 am is a little too early to start drinking on any holiday (except Christmas, of course).
DON'T -- buy presents. Have you learned nothing about the spirit of Draftsgiving? If anything, you should probably steal something. How about a franchise QB for a second rounder?
DO -- root for your team to pick Roddick Muckelroy in the 6th round. First, the Texas LB is terribly underrated. Second, it'll confuse everyone at the party.
DON'T -- mention Tim Tebow. Just don't. We've all heard enough already.
One other note: Since every Draftsgiving celebration at Fort Awesome in Maryland so far has featured Donovan McNabb in Philadelphia, we thought it was only right ot move the celebration up to Philly since Donovan is now down here in Mayland. So, if you'll be in the Philly area this weekend, check in with me for more details.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fun with baseball trends
As of Tuesday night …
*** 1B Ryan Howard is on pace to drive in 254 runs this year (11 RBI in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 180 RBI in a season.
*** 3B Placido Polanco is on pace to score 231 runs this year (10 runs in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 192 runs in a season.
*** As a team the Phils are on pace to score 1,157 runs this year (50 runs in 7 games). Astoundingly, that would not be a record – The 1894 Boston Beaneaters (real name, not made up) scored 1,220 runs in just 122 games, an amazing 10-runs-per-game average.
*** P J.A. Happ is on pace to win 32 games and not allow a run this season (1 win and 0 earned runs in one start) which would shatter the previous lowest ERA in MLB history, 0.86 (among starters).
*** P Roy Halladay is on pace to win 32 games and strike out 280 batters (2 wins and 17 Ks in two starts) but to lose the Cy Young award to J.A. Happ.
*** The Phillies are on pace to compile a 138-24 record this season, which would shatter the MLB record of 116 wins in a single season.
*** Backup C Brian Schneider is on pace to go hitless for the entire season (0 hits in 6 at bats). He kinda stinks.
*** 1B Ryan Howard is on pace to drive in 254 runs this year (11 RBI in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 180 RBI in a season.
*** 3B Placido Polanco is on pace to score 231 runs this year (10 runs in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 192 runs in a season.
*** As a team the Phils are on pace to score 1,157 runs this year (50 runs in 7 games). Astoundingly, that would not be a record – The 1894 Boston Beaneaters (real name, not made up) scored 1,220 runs in just 122 games, an amazing 10-runs-per-game average.
*** P J.A. Happ is on pace to win 32 games and not allow a run this season (1 win and 0 earned runs in one start) which would shatter the previous lowest ERA in MLB history, 0.86 (among starters).
*** P Roy Halladay is on pace to win 32 games and strike out 280 batters (2 wins and 17 Ks in two starts) but to lose the Cy Young award to J.A. Happ.
*** The Phillies are on pace to compile a 138-24 record this season, which would shatter the MLB record of 116 wins in a single season.
*** Backup C Brian Schneider is on pace to go hitless for the entire season (0 hits in 6 at bats). He kinda stinks.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Blogging my son's first Phillies game
Junior Awesome and I are up in Philly this week visiting Grandpa Awesome, and it just so happens that we've got a lazy Monday afternoon and the defending NL Champion Phillies on TV in their 2010 opening game. Who could ask for anything more?
1st inning -- Only two pitches into the game and Junior Awesome sees his first Jimmy Rollins hit. The excitement is too much; JA spits up a little. He does the same thing when Halladay gives up a run in the bottom of the first, but you can totally tell he's angrier the second time.
2nd inning -- The Phillies broadcast crew says 48 presidents have thrown out the first pitch on opening day. Obama is the 44th president. I can't figure out who those other 4 guys are, or what team George Washington threw out the first pitch for. JA gives me a skeptical look. That, or his diaper is dirty.
3rd inning -- The Washington Natinals are still leading 1-0. Grandpa Awesome wants Halladay traded. I'm wondering if the Phillies can trade for David Akers, so I don't have to pay any attention to football season. JA responds to our pessimism by falling asleep.
4th inning -- Ryan Howard provides the first dinger of Junior's life, scoring Chase and putting the Phillies ahead. We all cheer; JA does a little jig, but that might still be related to the dirty diaper we haven't addressed. Halladay adds an RBI later in the inning, part of an 11-man parade to the plate. I try to explain "batting around" to the kid, but he'd rather chew on his hand.
5th inning -- Halladay already has seven strikeouts; Now we're ordering the little one's Cy Young T-shirt and wondering if the Phillies could win the World Series and Super Bowl this year. They have a better shot than the Eagles.
6th inning -- Honestly, we all fell asleep here. Doesn't look like we missed too much, though.
7th inning -- Junior's nap gets interrupted when Grandpa Awesome and I cheer Placido Palanco's first grand slam of the season. With 6 RBI, he's now on pace for 972 RBI this season. We conservatively estimate the Phillies will score 1,600 runs this season, en route to a 152-10 record. Why not undefeated? That'd be ridiculous.
8th inning -- Quiz time for the little guy. How many of the Phils regular position players have not played in an All-Star game? (just Ruiz). Who was the last Phils' 20-game winner? (Carlton). Why would the Eagles trade away their best QB ever for an unproven fourth-year joke? (money). He goes three-for-three on the questions. Grandpa only gets two right.
9th inning -- Even an 11-1 score can't keep JA from freaking out in the ninth. Originally I thought it was because Danys Baez name is too ridiculous, but the womenfolk return and think he's probably just hungry. I offer Cracker Jack, and they take him away from me. That's OK -- this was a pretty good lesson in what a new fan should expect from his team.
1st inning -- Only two pitches into the game and Junior Awesome sees his first Jimmy Rollins hit. The excitement is too much; JA spits up a little. He does the same thing when Halladay gives up a run in the bottom of the first, but you can totally tell he's angrier the second time.
2nd inning -- The Phillies broadcast crew says 48 presidents have thrown out the first pitch on opening day. Obama is the 44th president. I can't figure out who those other 4 guys are, or what team George Washington threw out the first pitch for. JA gives me a skeptical look. That, or his diaper is dirty.
3rd inning -- The Washington Natinals are still leading 1-0. Grandpa Awesome wants Halladay traded. I'm wondering if the Phillies can trade for David Akers, so I don't have to pay any attention to football season. JA responds to our pessimism by falling asleep.
4th inning -- Ryan Howard provides the first dinger of Junior's life, scoring Chase and putting the Phillies ahead. We all cheer; JA does a little jig, but that might still be related to the dirty diaper we haven't addressed. Halladay adds an RBI later in the inning, part of an 11-man parade to the plate. I try to explain "batting around" to the kid, but he'd rather chew on his hand.
5th inning -- Halladay already has seven strikeouts; Now we're ordering the little one's Cy Young T-shirt and wondering if the Phillies could win the World Series and Super Bowl this year. They have a better shot than the Eagles.
6th inning -- Honestly, we all fell asleep here. Doesn't look like we missed too much, though.
7th inning -- Junior's nap gets interrupted when Grandpa Awesome and I cheer Placido Palanco's first grand slam of the season. With 6 RBI, he's now on pace for 972 RBI this season. We conservatively estimate the Phillies will score 1,600 runs this season, en route to a 152-10 record. Why not undefeated? That'd be ridiculous.
8th inning -- Quiz time for the little guy. How many of the Phils regular position players have not played in an All-Star game? (just Ruiz). Who was the last Phils' 20-game winner? (Carlton). Why would the Eagles trade away their best QB ever for an unproven fourth-year joke? (money). He goes three-for-three on the questions. Grandpa only gets two right.
9th inning -- Even an 11-1 score can't keep JA from freaking out in the ninth. Originally I thought it was because Danys Baez name is too ridiculous, but the womenfolk return and think he's probably just hungry. I offer Cracker Jack, and they take him away from me. That's OK -- this was a pretty good lesson in what a new fan should expect from his team.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)