Touring Citizens Bank Park

Got a chance to get a behind-the-scenes tour of the Phillies stomping grounds this weekend, part of Dad's Christmas present. You can see all the very cool sights over at my Flickr page.

10 sensible fixes for the Slam Dunk contest

1 ~~ Electrified rims
2 ~~ Attire: Must wear tuxedos or mascot costumes
3 ~~ Winner gets three free travels for rest of the season
4 ~~ Platform shoes
5 ~~ All dunks performed to "Rock you like a hurricane"
6 ~~ Spanish soccer commentators only
7 ~~ Opponents get water pistols for distractions
8 ~~ Instead of NBA players, invite only NBA owners
9 ~~ Invisible plastic rim covers
10 ~~ Kids dunk free

Phillies 2012 Spring Training ads

Pitchers and catchers reported last week, meaning baseball is just around the corner (six weeks from now). The Phillies haven't unveiled all their print ads yet, but through my industry connections, I managed to get a sneak peek at how they're going after fans' attention this year. Take a look:

Sorting through old treasures

Recently, I pulled out an old crate of baseball cards looking for some missing sports memorabilia. In my search, I found a small box labeled "might be worth something." Just for kicks, here's a look at what 13-year-old me thought might be valuable someday:

~~ Topps 1988 SS Kevin Elster (Rookie, Mets)
Buy it now price = 11 cents
Clearly, this card (and other rookie commemorative set ones I found) suckered me in with the promise getting in on the ground floor of some first-year stars. He hung on for 13 years, but ended his career with a .223 batting average and fewer than 30 RBI a year.

~~ Topps 1988 P Jimmy Key (Blue Jays)
Buy it now price = 50 cents
I actually found two different Jimmy Key cards I put aside, for reasons I can't explain. Key actually had a decent career, with four All-Star appearances and two World Series rings. But, I'm still not sure who he is.

~~ Topps 1987 P Shane Rawley (Phillies)
Buy it now price = 60 cents (for 8 cards)
I can only assume that he made it into this pile because of his exemplary name and exemplary choice of teams. Rawley won 17 games in 1987, but finished his career with a middling 111-118 record.

~~ Topps 1990 Checklist #2
Buy it now price = $1.60
This is a piece of cardboard with a list of other cards on it, and somehow it's worth more than everything else I've looked up tonight. Clearly, there is something unusual about this card, but I have no idea what it is. Maybe I did have some clue what I was doing back then...

~~ Topps 1983 M Whitey Herzog (St. Louis)
Buy it now price = 75 cents
Seriously, maybe I was onto something. Herzog was one of the top managers of all time, but who collects baseball cards to get managers? Someone who's looking for a good return on investment, I guess.

~~ Topps 1984 OF Andy Van Slyke (St. Louis)
Buy it now price = $2.25
OMG, I'm gonna be rich. Rich! RIIICCH!!!!
(Seriously, that's a lot for a baseball card)

~~ Topps 1986 P Mark Eichhorn (Rookie, Blue Jays)
Buy it now price = 84 cents
Eh, we might be coming back to reality again. I've got about 20 of these rookie cards in here, but I've never heard of any of these guys. Eichhorn had fewer than 100 decisions in his baseball career, and baseball reference has him as the 520th best pitcher of all-time.

~~ Topps 1961 P John Buzhardt (Phillies)
Buy it now price = $3.00
I have no idea who this is and no idea where I got a baseball card from 1961. It's card #3 in that year's set. #2 is Roger Maris, worth $300. Maybe I need to search down into this box a little further...

~~ Topps 1990 SS Greg Gagne (Twins)
Buy it now price = 30 cents
I found one site that listed more than 30 different Topps baseball cards issued for Gagne over the course of his career. None are worth more than 60 cents. Not sure why I thought they would be.

So, nine random cards, likely purchased for under $5, totaling about $9.40 now. Not bad. This would have been funnier if they were worth a lot less. But now I'm going to have to actually check and see if the real ones I didn't scan in (A Jose Canseco rookie card, a Mike Schmidt retirement card, and four Barry Bonds rookie cards) can help fund an early retirement.

Super Bowl anagram

Eli Manning has won the Super Bowl's most valuable player award twice

** Evil brat wins. Ma, Pa bawl. God hates us. We are now in hell. Blast up. No mercy.

Pros and cons of this Sunday's Super Bowl

With two truly despicable teams in the Super Bowl this year, it's difficult to decide who to root for. Here's a quick list of the pros and cons of each team losing:

New York Giants win -- Cons
** QB Eli Manning gets his second Super Bowl win. Only 10 QBs have won more than one Super Bowl. Only three of them aren't in the Hall of Fame. Two of them are active (Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger). The only other non-Hall of Famer is Jim Plunkett.

** Coach Tom Coughlin gets his second Super Bowl win. Only 12 coaches have won more than one Super Bowl.

** New York get its 50th professional sports championship. That's the most of any U.S. city.

** On the eve of the new baseball season, New York fans become even more insufferable in their rivalry talk with Boston fans.

New York Giants win -- Pros
** The Patriots don't win the Super Bowl.

New England Patriots win -- Cons
** QB Tom Brady wins his fourth Super Bowl. Only two other men have won that many: Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana. Only one other QB has appeared in five Super Bowls in his career (John Elway).

** Coach Bill Belichick wins his four Super Bowl. Only one other coach has won that many in his career (Chuck Noll).

** Boston gets its 35th professional sports championship, and its 8th in the last decade.

** On the eve of the new baseball season, Boston fans become even more insufferable in their rivalry talk with New York fans.

New England Patriots win -- Pros
** The Giants don't win the Super Bowl.

Tough call. Is it too late to root for the 49ers again?

State of the (Philly sports) Union

[Remarks as prepared for delivery]

My fellow Philadelphia sports fans,

As I stand here before you tonight, I know many of you share my great concern with the days ahead. In less than two weeks, our nation will once again be forced to endure a Boston/New York championship match-up. Our own beloved city is still mired in a one-for-114-seasons title drought. The Phillies failed to achieve last year's high hopes, and the Eagles crushed our dreams of a playoff breakthrough as well. Our city has already braced itself for an amusing but ultimately fruitless hockey and basketball season.

But despite those trials, I am here tonight to assure you, my fellow Sons of Ben, that the state of our union is stronger than ever.

What many of you are calling reason for despair, I see as a sign of hope and greatness yet to come. Yes, the Phillies disappointed us last season. But their 102 wins was a high-water mark for a franchise whose history has redefined what failure in sports means. In just a few years the franchise has gone from a 10,000-time loser to a five-time division champion. And with LeRoy Halladay and Mr. Clifton Phifer Lee still on the team, there is no reason to believe that success is all in the past.

Your Sixers, while flawed, are showing signs of life not witnessed for more than a decade. Your Flyers, while flawed, may have just completed the quickest rebuilding period in major sports history. Both are still far from being championship caliber. Yet, isn't that exactly what we said in the summer on 2008, when another flawed bunch of local heroes scrapped their way into the postseason, then into the championship, and then into history? Who are we to say that these two teams are too far away from the promised land that we should ignore their growing list of achievements?

The Eagles remain a constant source of frustration and heartbreak, and appear further from the ultimate victory than any point in the last decade. But let me remind you that this disaster of a squad sat just one win away from taking the Giants spot in the playoffs this year, proof that even a small break could be the difference between a Tony-Romo-style disaster and the next Tom Brady. Indeed, I stand here tonight to tell you that I believe this team is only one piece away from reaching that lofty goal, and with just a small chance, we could see that glory soon.

(Of course, that one piece is a head coach who knows what a linebacker is, but I digress.)

Yes, there are still injustices in the world. As I speak to you tonight, Boston's football team is preparing for another Super Bowl, and their hockey team is just returning from a victory lap around the White House after last year's Stanley Cup. We sit dangerously close to serious conversations about whether Eli Manning is one of the best quarterbacks of all time. And, this early in the season, the Phillies look like they face serious threats from all sides in their own division, including the Miami Marlins, a team that didn't even exist last October yet somehow owns two World Series titles.

But we cannot let these setbacks tear us apart, as if we were fair-weather Cowboys or Yankees fans. We must believe. We must endure. We must continue to boo. Our very nature is to be pessimistic, but we must be wary not to let that realistic criticism turn to fatalism. We are not Cleveland -- We will reach the top again.

And when we do, we will greet it with the unbridled joy that can only be found on the honest ground of Broad Street, not the phony pavement of Broadway. When you see the Eagles pass on third-and-one, remember Pat Burrell's wave as he crossed over Oregon Avenue. When you see Brian Schneider weakly pop up to left field, remember Chase Utley infuriating the local censors with his unbridled excitement. When you see see a collapsing concussion check drop another Flyers forward, remember when we all sang High Hopes the loudest we ever had.

Thank you. God bless you, God bless America, and God Bless Billy Penn. And screw Eli Manning. Seriously, how does that dope keep winning?

[To be delivered by the Philadelphia Phanatic]