8 ways they'll ruin the HR Derby

MLB has already ruined the World Series (by giving home field to the All-Star game winner), the All-Star game (by introducing interleague play), and democracy (by introducing the Natinals to DC). So it's only a matter of time before they ruin the Home Run Derby too.

Here's how they'll do it:

1 -- They'll make it count.
Some front office idiot will decide they need to spice up the competition by using it to set the World Series DH rules or next year's salary cap or something ridiculous.

2 -- They'll add judges.
Why simply count dingers when you could judge their style and flair too? Bonus point for silly costumes, because that's what the fans really love. Just look at the slam dunk contest.

3 -- They'll let fans vote.
Why should MLB pick the top sluggers to participate? The fans know who'd really be exciting in the game: Melky Cabrera! And Tim Wakefield!

4 -- They'll add metal bats.
Better bats mean longer homers. Longer homers mean more awesomeness. Next up: rubber balls and jet packs.

5 -- They'll add a bunt contest.
Small-ball can be exciting too! Watch Ichiro try to leg out an infield single (best three out of five attempts) and listen to the announcers extol the virtues of baseball fundamentals.

6 -- They'll add Nickleback.
What the Derby has always lacked is a rocking soundtrack. Nothing would improve it more than hearing the chorus of "Centerfield" covered by Chad Kroeger after every launch.

7 -- They'll add an old timers game.
That way, we can all see whether Reggie Jackson and Yogi Berra still have what it takes to be a star. The fences will be moved in 200 feet, of course. And Barry Bonds will be invited.

8 -- They'll move it to new Cowboys Stadium.
Jerry Jones' dream is finally fulfilled: 100-yard homers and a per-football-season chance to show off his new shrine. MLB will call it "cross promotion."

Honestly, I'm not sure any of those are worse ideas than letting Chris Berman shriek through the event each year...

Eagles season preview (according to Madden)

The folks behind Madden 2010 (now with 20 percent more Rothlesberginess) came out with their team and player ratings this week. The Eagles are listed overall at 88, one point lower than the Giants but still in the upper tiers of the game. Here's a closer look at how the video game gods view the team stacking up this year:

Best Player (95 rating):
CB Asante Samuel, and LT Jason Peters
Both men just barely beat out RB Brian Westbrook (94). It's worth noting that the game developers think the two best guys on the Iggles are someone who hasn't played a down for them yet and a guy who all of us thought was horribly overrated all last season.

Worst Player (51 rating):
QB A.J. Feeley
Awww, poor little Feeley. Keep trying there, buddy

Fastest Player (96 rating):
WR Jeremy Macklin
If the newly-drafted wideout is actually faster than Westbrook, WR DeSean Jackson and WR Kevin Curtis, the team's receiving corps is in better shape than any time since Freddie Barnett left.

Slowest Player (36 rating):
LG Max Jean-Gilles
At 355 pounds (the heaviest on the team) this comes as a complete shock to me.

Toughest Player (96 rating):
QB Donovan McNabb
If toughness means ability to come back for more punishment every year, this rating is dead-on. If it means one's ability to play football without puking...

Whimpiest Player (42 rating):
CB Jack Ikegwuono
He spent all of last year injured, but apparently instead of rehabbing he just ate ice cream and watched Lifetime movies.

Best Tackler (86 rating):
LB Stewart Bradley
Honestly, 86 is pretty low for a team's top tackler. And that means it's probably pretty accurate.

Worst Tackler (12 rating):
C Jamal Jackson
He comes in behind K David Akers (13), who can barely walk now, and WR Jeremy Macklin (20), who has never played a down in the NFL. That ain't good.

Strongest Player (99 rating):
RG Shawn Andrews
Coming in at #2? RT Stacey Andrews, his brother, at 97. How many arm wrestling matches do you think it'll take to settle this?

Weakest Player (44 rating):
WR DeSean Jackson
He's so weak he can't even carry a football across the goal line.

Easiest Call (Awareness, 97 rating):
RB Brian Westbrook
Telling me that Westbrook is the smartest player on the team is like telling me that Terrell Owens is an idiot. It's obvious, but it's still fun to see proof of it.

Most Shocking Call (Spin Move, 84 rating):
CB Macho Harris
Wait, we signed a corner named Macho Harris and I have yet to make fun of him? And his best skill is spinning?

Only 19 days until training camp, kids.

Mets are in third place!

Wait, there's something familiar about this...


Oh, that's right. Looks like everything is going according to plan.

My annual pilgrimage

Saturday was a chance to hang out at Citizen's Bank Park and see my annual Phillies' loss with Dad. And I remembered to bring my camera and its fancy zoom.

The full set is over here.

Leveraging new media

There's a new "decision making site" (no, not Bing -- every third answer there is a Microsoft web page) called Hunch that I stumbled across yesterday. So, to see how well it works, I thought I'd test it out in my quest to unshackle myself from the stinking Eagles and find a new (possibly Dawkins-laden?) team to root for.

Here's how it went.

Well, I'm looking for a new team based on a random web site's suggestion. I'm guessing it won't be a long-term commitment.

I'm very concerned about the environment.


The Phillies' starting pitchers and late-inning hitters have convinced me that defense is boring.

I said I was looking for a new team to root for, not looking for a way to become a Yankees fan.

I've got the Flyers, Sixers, Phillies and Soul (and soon to be the Philadelphia Union!) -- I think they're all human mascots. Better go with animals, just to be sure.

No way I'm watching most of my football on CBS. NFC it is.

Drumroll please ... and the results are ...

What? The Cardinals! I want a team that's going to be good in the short-term next year, not last year. What are my other options?

Eh, that's really more of a basketball area, isn't it? What's my guarantee that this team doesn't go all three-point field goals all the time on me? Next.

That's it, forget it. I'm done.

My unbiased All-Star ballot

I think this is both fair and impartial.

In fact, I think it's so impartial that I've submitted it 60 times online so far.

Pursuit of history

The Washington Natinals are 13-36 through their first 49 games this year, putting them on pace for one of the worst seasons in major league baseball history. Here’s a quick look at some of the teams they’re chasing.

Team: 1899 Cleveland Spiders
Final record: 20-134 (.130)
Games out of first: 84
Through 49: 9-40
DC connection: Despite terrible play against nearly every opponent all year long, the Spiders did go an almost-respectable 4-10 against the Washington Senators.

Team: 1916 Philadelphia Athletics
Final record: 36-117 (.235)
Games out of first: 54.5
Through 49: 15-34
DC connection: The A’s highest scoring game of the year was a 10-9 win over the Washington Senators on Sept. 30, the final weekend of the season.

Team: 1962 New York Mets
Final record: 40-120-1 (.250)
Games out of first: 29
Through 49: 13-36
DC connection: Following the worst team year in modern baseball history, Mets backup 3B Don Zimmer (yep, that Don Zimmer) left the team and played for the Senators in 1963.

Team: 1904 Washington Senators
Final record: 38-113 (.252)
Games out of first: 55.5
Through 49: 9-37
DC connection: They were the Washington Senators. They played in Washington, D.C.

Team: 2003 Detroit Tigers
Final record: 43-119 (.265)
Games out of first: 47
Through 49: 13-36
DC connection: 1B Dimitri Young, an all-star for the Natinals in 2007, was the full time DH for the Tigers in 2003.

Team: 1953 Pittsburgh Pirates
Final record: 42-112-1 (.273)
Games out of first: 54.5
Through 49: 12-37
DC connection: P Don Carlsen (DC to his friends) finished with an 0-1 record and a 10.80 ERA on the year, in five appearances.

Team: 1942 Phillies
Final record: 42-109 (.278)
Games out of first: 62.5
Through 49: 16-33
DC connection: The Phillies at least had a better win percentage than the 2-9 Philadelphia Eagles that year, who lost twice to the Washington Racial Slurs that year.

Team: 1932 Red Sox
Final record: 43-111 (.279)
Games out of first: 64
Through 49: 9-40
DC connection: None. I just like making fun of the Red Sox.