Not every NFL team was contractually obligated to play on Thanksgiving this year — Most players got to enjoy a nice meal with their teammates on the holiday. Here’s a quick look at what was on the menu at a few of the locker rooms across the league:
** New Jersey Giants: Lots of cranberry sauce. Maybe that has something to do with all the jiggling in that spineless mess of a squad.
** Kansas City Chiefs: Rabbit. It wasn’t particularly tasty, but it’s the only way to get enough rabbit feet into their system to ensure they get a ridiculously lucky win every week.
** Dallas Cowboys: Veal. It’s not a traditional Thanksgiving meal, but it is cruel and reprehensible, so the players loved it.
** Jacksonville Jaguars: Chicken nuggets. They don’t deserve anything better.
** Philadelphia Eagles: Raven. Wrong bird for the holiday, but still tasty enough.
** New Jersey Jets: They actually didn’t eat, but they did gather around a table to listen to QB Aaron Rogers spew conspiracy theories for a few hours.
** San Francisco 49ers: Multiple large servings of humble pie, perfect for an overhyped fourth-place team.
WR: Jerry Jeudy, 28.17 pts — started by Dad
RB: Bucky Irving, 25.30 pts — started by Mom D
TE: Brock Bowers, 20.53 pts — started by Jonathan
K: Chad Ryland, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: LA Chargers, 20.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
D: Leonard Williams, 18.00 pts — on the wire
I had this whole section written at halftime on Monday night, then had to dump it because Winston decided to pass for 497 yards and six TDs. Of course, two of those TDs went to the other team, but you take the good with the bad.
Winston had the second-most passing yards of any QB in a game this season (behind Kirk Cousins’ 509) and lost anyways. Jeudy, who caught most of Winston’s long throws, had the second most receiving yards of any wideout this year (Jamar Chase, 267). Both Chase and Jeudy saw their team lose those games. Stats aren’t everything.
Williams, a defensive lineman for the Seahawks, had three tackles, two sacks and a 92-yard interception return for a TD in Sunday’s win over the Jets. According to ESPN, that made him the first NFL player over 300 pounds to return an interception more than 90 yards for a TD. I can’t wait for the network to launch a new “yards per pound” feature so we can debate whether a 15-yard swing pass to a 165-pound WR3 is more impressive on a quantum mechanics level than a 250-pound QB sneak for two yards.
I double checked, Chad Ryland is a real NFL player. Apparently he has been playing for about two months. It was news to me too.
“Scrabble tiles” edition3rd place: Laviska Shenault, -1.80 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Hassan Haskins, -2.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Kyle Juszczyk, -2.10 pts — on the wire
Special recognition goes out to the 49ers defense, which recorded a perfect -6.00 pts this week against Buffalo: 35 pts allowed, no turnovers, no sacks. Just a wonderful stat line.
Juszczyk gets you 42 points on a scrabble board (even more if you can sneak it onto the double word space) but he has managed only 21.09 fantasy pts this year. The 49ers RB subtracted from his season total with a rush for -1 yards and a fumble inside the red zone on Sunday night, giving the ball to the Bills and helping that San Fran defense surrender even more points.
** Visiting the Philly area this week, I saw that Dad had procured three boxes of special Jason Kelce cereal. The first is just a box of Lucky Charms with the Kelce brother’s faces. The second is a box of Honey Nut Cheerios with the same.
The third is a box of “Kelce Mix” cereal — Reeses Puffs, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Lucky Charms, all thrown in together.
This is a pro-Kelce blog, and even despite all the overexposure that Jason is getting right now, I’m here to support him. That said, Kelce Mix is a crime against both nature and humanity. Don’t go back and reread what is in there, it will cause an immediate cavity and rapid-heart syndrome. I’m legitimately concerned that both brothers will be jailed if any children actually eat that abomination of flavors.
I wanna keep backing you, Jason, but you’re making it difficult.
** In the first quarter of the Michigan game on Saturday (the MICHIGAN GAME, since only one team showed up), the Wolverines faced a third-and-four at their own 36-yard line. QB Davis Warren threw a slant pass to TE Marlin Klein, who was immediately wrapped up by a linebacker. Warren reached forward as he fell, and Fox announcer Gus Johnson exclaimed “we’ll see if that move makes it close enough for a first down!”
After a quick review, the refs announced it was not, and Michigan faced a fourth-and-four.
Yes, fourth-and-four. Klein was tackled at the line of scrimmage, but Johnson wasn’t sure if the 6-foot-6 tight end had managed to stretch twice his height to get the first down. In fairness, it was hard to tell on the telecast whether he had gotten a first, because the yellow line was so far away it was barely on the screen.
Michigan opted to punt, despite the short reach away from another set of downs.
** In one of the stupidest scoring decisions in NFL history, Bills QB Josh Allen was credited with a receiving TD in Sunday’s game despite having zero catches.
On the play in question, Allen passed to WR Amari Cooper, who was immediately wrapped up by a 49ers cornerback. Before he was tackled, however, he lateralled the ball back to Allen, who ran it forward 7 yds for a TD. I gave Allen a passing TD and receiving TD on the same play, something that rarely happens in the NFL.
But it has happened before, when a pass is batted in the air the QB catches it. In this case, Allen didn’t catch a pass, but the NFL decided they’d act as if he did just for grins. A logical solution would have been to call it a catch, then a rushing TD by Allen, same as if he picked up a fumble and advanced it (which is allowed only in certain circumstances). But, no, the NFL wanted to celebrate Allen getting a passing, rushing and receiving TD in the same game, no matter how convoluted the logic was.
Allen’s final box score line: 7 yds receiving, 1 receiving TD, 0 catches. Makes perfect sense.
The Eagles are 10-2 at the start of December — just like one year ago, and we all remember how awful that turned out.
Last season’s collapse should send shivers down the spine of every fan. After losing to the 49ers to set their record at 10-2, the Eagles lost five of their next six games, including an embarrassing playoff loss. The lesson here is that a good start can lead to an epic collapse and … hold on, didn’t they win 10 of their first 12 back in 2022 as well?
Yep. They were 11-1 at the start of December, and headed towards the Super Bowl. So the real lesson to take away from an Eagles team that wins 10 or more of their first 12 games is that while the team may look good, they can’t win it all.
Or maybe they can, because the Eagles were 10-2 after 12 games in 2017 and won the championship.
So the real REAL lesson here is that in the last eight years, the Eagles have had four seasons where they had 10 wins before the first week in December. That means it’s hard to remember which Eagles’ 10-win seasons were good and which were disappointing. And that is an insane thing to type.
The Eagles best three-year win total since the franchise was founded was from 2002 to 2004, when Andy Reid led the team to 37 regular season wins and a 4-3 playoff record. Right now, the Eagles have 35 regular season wins since the start of 2022, with five games left this season. Hopefully, that total increases. And they have a 2-2 playoff record over the last two seasons. That could improve too.
Since 2000, the Eagles have 238 wins against 159 losses. Only four teams (Patriots, Steelers, Packers and Ravens) have seen more wins than the Eagles over that span. Since 2022, only the Chiefs have won more, and they only lead the Eagles by one regular season victory.
These are really good times for football in Philly. Don’t forget to appreciate that.
Also, Saquon Barkley rules.
Dallas has put together a surprising two-game win streak despite being left for dead in the standings a month ago. What’s the secret to the turnaround? For most teams, it would center on teamwork, persistence, character. For the Cowboys? Their center is a little different. Just look what his name spells out: Dallas Cowboys Center Cooper Beebe
** Sweet boy? No. Local scrod be a creep
I too am dismayed that being a creep can still translate into success, but honestly, it’s not that much of a surprise.
** Dad and I split our picks yet again, leaving me up one in the season standings. I lost yet another one-point game against him, this time mistakenly putting my faith in the Patriots over the Colts. This is the fourth time this season I’ve lost a one-point decision to Dad, which is fairly ridiculous. If he beats me on the season by one-game, I’m demanding a recount. ** Ohio State coach Ryan Day is 47-1 in regular season games excluding contests against Michigan. He’s 3-8 in games against Michigan and post-season games. You know, the games that actually are important and call for a good coach. But congrats on being proficient at beating up on nobodies.
** If Green Bay beats Detroit on Thursday night, and the Eagles beat Carolina, the birds would have the tiebreaker for the #1 seed against the Lions. Just something to keep an eye on.
Week 13 standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,624.12 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 1,569.04 pts
3 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1,540.85 pts
4 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1,538.85 pts
5 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,512.94 pts
6 — Jabronis (Ant), 1,486.56 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,481.78 pts
8 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 1,478.28 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1,449.98 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,298.52 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,163.44 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,106.06 pts
Tough week for Jo, who left the #2 QB and #1 defense on her bench over the holiday weekend, but did start the second-worst defense on the week (Miami, -3.00 pts). She lost 49 pts to her bench, which would have been enough to vault her into second. Instead, she sits just a hair behind Mike, off the medal stand.
Jonathan opened up his first-place lead a bit again, but he has his QB and #3 WR on a bye this week, so now is the time to catch up to him.
Speaking of byes, this is the final bye week of the season. The Broncos, Colts, Patriots, Commanders, Ravens and Texans all have off, right as most fantasy teams are deciding who will make the playoffs. Gotta love the NFL, they find ways to ruin almost everything fun about football.
Six teams on byes means only 14 games this week, so fill those roster holes early. We’ve only got five weeks of regular season football left before the Awesome Cup gets polished and awarded again.
No comments:
Post a Comment