We’re less than two weeks away from Christmas, which means we’re in the height of Hallmark Christmas movie season. And this year didn’t disappoint — the channel premiered “Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story,” which focuses on a woman competing to win the team’s fan-of-the-year award who falls in love with a Chiefs public affairs specialist. Donna Kelce had a cameo (for real, it was on TV this weekend and will be on 8am Christmas morning).
The film got mixed ratings, which is good enough for Hallmark to rush several more copycats into production for next Christmas. Here’s a look at a few of the pilots being considered:
** Holly Jolly Jaguars — Trevor doesn’t have to think about the holidays, until his team is eliminated from the playoffs right after Thanksgiving. Can a trip back home to South Carolina and a chance meeting with his ex-girlfriend from college rekindle his Christmas spirit?
** Carolina Christmas Blues — Bill hasn’t been able to get over the breakup with his New England sweetheart for the past year. Desperate for a change, the senior citizen decides to enroll in college again, and learns that you can still be young at heart at Christmastime.
** J-E-T-S, ho, ho, ho! — Aaron moved to the big city to pursue his career, but the experience left him feeling cold and unloved. Now, with his company threatening to lay him off in December, can the Christmas season inspire him to give up his anti-vaccine ways and learn to love his fellow man?
** A Whiteout Christmas — Josh has been a superstar for his football team all year, and they seemed poised for the playoffs. But just before the big Christmas Eve game, a freak blizzard drops four feet of snow on the streets of Buffalo. Only a Christmas miracle will get him (and his fans) to the stadium on time.
** Receiving Christmas Cheer — Jalen and AJ used to be the perfect couple, but recently their relationship has been on the rocks. Can they pass the test of the holiday rush? Or will they drop the ball and run away from the world?
WR: Davante Adams, 31.70 pts — started by Paul
RB: James Conner, 27.37 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Jonnu Smith, 13.70 pts — on Ant’s bench
K: Chase McLaughlin, 18.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Atlanta, 25.00 pts — started by Bob
D: Nik Bonitto, 12.50 pts — on the wire
Congrats to Goff, who became the second QB this season to throw five TD passes in a game and lose (hi, Joe Burrow!). The 48-42 defeat at the hands of the Bills was also the fifth time in Detroit franchise history that the team has scored 40-plus points and lost, an NFL record. Lamar Jackson (46.60 pts) also threw five TDs on Sunday, but he won, so that’s boring.
A good week for QBs means a great week for wideouts too. Adams had 9 catches for 198 yds and two TDs, just a little better than Amon-Ra St. Brown’s 14 catches for 193 and one TD. Adams totaled 67.47 fantasy pts over the first 12 weeks of the season and has 62.37 pts in his last three games, so it’s nice to see him finally show up this year.
Three defenses topped 20 points this week, and a fourth (Cincinnati) just missed with 19.00 pts. On the flip side, nine defenses were worth zero or fewer points this week, with Detroit leading the way at -6.00, the worst possible score. So if you started Goff and his team’s defense, you would have cost yourself that fifth passing TD.
“Bad QBs” edition3rd place: Sam Howell, -0.34 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jameis Winston, -0.36 pts — on the wire
1st place: Will Levis, -4.44 pts — on the wire
Will Levis is allegedly a starting QB for the Tennessee Titans, but the stats don’t really back up that idea.
On Sunday, he was benched after two and a half quarters of football despite completing 11 of his first 12 passes. Of course, three of those were completed to the wrong team, including a 39-yard interception returned for a TD. Oh, he also lost a fumble.
This was the second time this year that Levis has started a game and ended in negative fantasy territory, and the single worst fantasy performance by a QB to date.
All this just makes Levis’ recent endorsement deal with Hellman’s Mayonnaise even better. Levis got the national commercial campaign because of his odd obsession with the disgusting condiment, going viral earlier this year for putting it in his coffee and selling out a mayo-scented cologne in the Tennessee area in September. And when you think about it, it’s the perfect pairing and athlete. He’s extra white. He’s not good at all. You only associate him with terrible times. And if you were to hand him your stomach, he would find a way to turn it over.
** Colts RB Jonathan Taylor broke free on a 41-yard run in the third quarter of his game against the Broncos and then went full DeSean Jackson at the goal line, dropping the ball before he broke the plane. The ball rolled forward into the end zone and resulted in a touchback for the Broncos, who went on to score 24 unanswered points in a 31-13 comeback victory.
I don’t know what to tell you. Absolutely no one has ever looked cool dropping the ball at the goal line, but a ton of these players think it’s fun. I guess we need to think about putting staples on the ball to prevent stupidity fumbles.
** Sirius XM has an ad they run during football games for the Howard Stern show that starts like this:
Voiceover — “Howard Stern knows football.”
Stern — “Every time I get excited about a team, they lose.”
Doesn’t sound like he knows football. Just sounds like he’s a standard Jets fan.
** Dominos Pizza has an ad now where they deliver an “emergency pizza” to a contestant in the Squid Game and I’m sorry did ANYONE on that advertising team ever see the TV show? The contestant is hungry, so he orders a pizza so he isn’t caught moving during a game of Red Light, Green Light. A happy delivery woman brings him one … and then presumably is cut down in a hail of machine gun fire in a dystopian hellscape. That’s pizza for you!
The Eagles won their 10th game in a row on Sunday, the longest such streak in franchise history. But does a long line of consecutive wins result in a championship? Here’s the best such streaks from other Philly teams, and how those seasons ended:
** Philadelphia 76ers
Win streaks of 10 or more — 17
Most recent — 2018
Longest streak — 18 games (1966)
The Liberty Ballers boast the most double-digit win streaks in city history, and actually had two runs of 10 wins in their 1983 championship season. They also won 10 in a row during 1967, en route to another title. But their most recent victory run — a 16-game win streak in 2018 — resulted in a predictable second-round playoff loss to the Celtics, as most of their seasons seem to end nowadays.
** Philadelphia Flyers
Win streaks of 10 or more — 6
Most recent — 2016
Longest streak — 13 games (1985)
That 1985 ended with a trip to the Stanley Cup finals, but not a championship win. But of the six Flyers seasons with long winning streaks, only once — in 1993 — did the Flyers fail to at least make the playoffs. Just something else to get angry at Eric Lindros for.
** Philadelphia Phillies
Win streaks of 10 or more — 13
Most recent — 2010
Longest streak — 16 games (1892, 1887, 1890)
Twice in the 1800s, the Phillies had 16-game win streaks broken up by the Boston Beaneaters (not a slur, that was an actual team back then). If you restrict your stats to just games after 1900, then the Phillies have only had 11 seasons with double-digit win streaks, and only twice since 1992. None happened in a season where they made the World Series.
As proof that true beauty can come from pure evil, I present to you the latest edition of insult anagram poetry. This time, the verses come courtesy of a key special teams player for Dallas, long snapper Trent Sieg:
** LS Trent Sieg **
Gentlest sir
Tigress lent
** Philadelphia 76ers
Win streaks of 10 or more — 17
Most recent — 2018
Longest streak — 18 games (1966)
The Liberty Ballers boast the most double-digit win streaks in city history, and actually had two runs of 10 wins in their 1983 championship season. They also won 10 in a row during 1967, en route to another title. But their most recent victory run — a 16-game win streak in 2018 — resulted in a predictable second-round playoff loss to the Celtics, as most of their seasons seem to end nowadays.
** Philadelphia Flyers
Win streaks of 10 or more — 6
Most recent — 2016
Longest streak — 13 games (1985)
That 1985 ended with a trip to the Stanley Cup finals, but not a championship win. But of the six Flyers seasons with long winning streaks, only once — in 1993 — did the Flyers fail to at least make the playoffs. Just something else to get angry at Eric Lindros for.
** Philadelphia Phillies
Win streaks of 10 or more — 13
Most recent — 2010
Longest streak — 16 games (1892, 1887, 1890)
Twice in the 1800s, the Phillies had 16-game win streaks broken up by the Boston Beaneaters (not a slur, that was an actual team back then). If you restrict your stats to just games after 1900, then the Phillies have only had 11 seasons with double-digit win streaks, and only twice since 1992. None happened in a season where they made the World Series.
As proof that true beauty can come from pure evil, I present to you the latest edition of insult anagram poetry. This time, the verses come courtesy of a key special teams player for Dallas, long snapper Trent Sieg: ** LS Trent Sieg **
Gentlest sir
Tigress lent
Grit nestles
Gristle sent
Grin settles
Regents slit
Stinger lets
Tern legs sit
Tests linger
Glint resets
Tensest girl
Tingle rests
Go ahead and check, all the lines are perfect anagrams of his name.
But what does it mean? It’s a deep reflection on the Cowboys’ lost season, where the soft coach (gentlest sir) tries to imbue a vicious spirit on his players (tigress lent) but leaves the team with only grit and gristle instead of inspiration. Players laugh it off (grin settles) and leave their skills on the sidelines (stinger lets tern legs sit). While the animal spirit is still there (tensest girl) the “tingle” of winning is asleep for the moment.
The lines are beautiful in their horror and disappointment. It’s like rain on your wedding day, or a free ride when you’ve already paid. Who are we to question the wisdom of the anagram balladry?
** Finally, I had a breakthrough in the picks against Dad. We had four games different, and I swept them all. Sadly, that also meant correctly predicting that the Cowboys would wipe the floor with the Panthers, but sometimes you have to acknowledge an act of evil and move on. I’m up five for the year now with just three weeks left, giving me a little breathing room for the stretch run.
** The Garrity Family playoffs start next week with #1 seed Jim vs. #4 seed Tommy/Shane and #2 seed Dad vs. #3 seed me. But the big news is that for the first time in three years, the “America’s Losers” team full of Cowboys and only Cowboys did not win a single game. So in a bigger sense, we’re all winners. But hopefully I’m the winner in the real sense next week too.
** The Steelers are one of the three best teams in the AFC. In the second half Sunday, they had two possessions: one ended in a fumble, the other in a punt. The Eagles final drive was 21 plays, 88 yards and took 10:29 minutes. Philly held the ball for 39:52 minutes in the game.
That was a beatdown of a really good team.
Week 15 standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,885.38 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 1,851.63 pts
3 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1,838.71 pts
4 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1,810.60 pts
5 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 1,747.25 pts
6 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,730.54 pts
7 — Jabronis (Ant), 1,729.44 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1,660.13 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,644.81 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,496.39 pts
11 — They Certainly Are Dwarves (Paul), 1,379.01 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,235.31 pts
Jo’s team scored 142.42 pts this week and that was only good enough for third place on the weekend. Seven teams scored above 120, led by Jonathan’s 145.64. He doubled his lead over second place to almost 34 points, but now has both Mike and me within a 50-point outburst of taking over first place.
And the second-most points this week? Is that Paul? His team was projected to only score 80-points by the Yahoo algorithm but ended up with 143.24, thanks to big days from Davante Adams, Jordan Love and Tyjae Spears. He could have gone even higher if he had started a kicker and a second defensive player. But that kind of mistake is understandable this early in the season.
Speaking of setting your roster, it gets complicated this weekend. There is a Thursday game, two Saturday games, one Monday game and two Wednesday games that don’t count until week 17 so why did you even bring them up? Just make sure you’ve got a kicker ready to go. Only three weeks of fantasy football left.
Gristle sent
Grin settles
Regents slit
Stinger lets
Tern legs sit
Tests linger
Glint resets
Tensest girl
Tingle rests
Go ahead and check, all the lines are perfect anagrams of his name.
But what does it mean? It’s a deep reflection on the Cowboys’ lost season, where the soft coach (gentlest sir) tries to imbue a vicious spirit on his players (tigress lent) but leaves the team with only grit and gristle instead of inspiration. Players laugh it off (grin settles) and leave their skills on the sidelines (stinger lets tern legs sit). While the animal spirit is still there (tensest girl) the “tingle” of winning is asleep for the moment.
The lines are beautiful in their horror and disappointment. It’s like rain on your wedding day, or a free ride when you’ve already paid. Who are we to question the wisdom of the anagram balladry?
** Finally, I had a breakthrough in the picks against Dad. We had four games different, and I swept them all. Sadly, that also meant correctly predicting that the Cowboys would wipe the floor with the Panthers, but sometimes you have to acknowledge an act of evil and move on. I’m up five for the year now with just three weeks left, giving me a little breathing room for the stretch run. ** The Garrity Family playoffs start next week with #1 seed Jim vs. #4 seed Tommy/Shane and #2 seed Dad vs. #3 seed me. But the big news is that for the first time in three years, the “America’s Losers” team full of Cowboys and only Cowboys did not win a single game. So in a bigger sense, we’re all winners. But hopefully I’m the winner in the real sense next week too.
** The Steelers are one of the three best teams in the AFC. In the second half Sunday, they had two possessions: one ended in a fumble, the other in a punt. The Eagles final drive was 21 plays, 88 yards and took 10:29 minutes. Philly held the ball for 39:52 minutes in the game.
That was a beatdown of a really good team.
Week 15 standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,885.38 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 1,851.63 pts
3 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1,838.71 pts
4 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1,810.60 pts
5 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 1,747.25 pts
6 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,730.54 pts
7 — Jabronis (Ant), 1,729.44 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1,660.13 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,644.81 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,496.39 pts
11 — They Certainly Are Dwarves (Paul), 1,379.01 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,235.31 pts
Jo’s team scored 142.42 pts this week and that was only good enough for third place on the weekend. Seven teams scored above 120, led by Jonathan’s 145.64. He doubled his lead over second place to almost 34 points, but now has both Mike and me within a 50-point outburst of taking over first place.
And the second-most points this week? Is that Paul? His team was projected to only score 80-points by the Yahoo algorithm but ended up with 143.24, thanks to big days from Davante Adams, Jordan Love and Tyjae Spears. He could have gone even higher if he had started a kicker and a second defensive player. But that kind of mistake is understandable this early in the season.
Speaking of setting your roster, it gets complicated this weekend. There is a Thursday game, two Saturday games, one Monday game and two Wednesday games that don’t count until week 17 so why did you even bring them up? Just make sure you’ve got a kicker ready to go. Only three weeks of fantasy football left.
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