Team: I love the Cowboys (Joey McDeadAccount)
Projected Yahoo finish: 12th, 285.46 pts
My projected finish: 12th, 0 pts
Actual finish: 12th, 39.93 pts
NFL equivalent: Cincinnati Bengals
Poor Joey. It’s like he never had a chance. Somehow, Yahoo’s prediction of QB Andrew Luck collecting 200-plus pts in retirement never came to pass. By the same token, our league's patsy team scored nearly 40 more pts than I expected, so I take that as a personal prediction failing. I’ll still call it better job done than the Yahoo experts, though.
Team: Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel)
Projected Yahoo finish: 10th, 1855.48 pts
My projected finish: 10th, 1805.48 pts
Actual finish: 11th, 1641.52 pts
NFL equivalent: New Jersey Giants
Not much was expected of Joel’s squad this year, much like the Jersey team in Eli Manning’s farewell season. And both lived up to those modest expectations. QB Aaron Rodgers and WR Odell Beckham didn’t produce like they have in past years, RB Miles Sanders came in too late to right the ship, and TE Jason Witten was as inspiring on the field this year as he was mumbling in the announcing booth last season. The Giants will have a new coach and new QB to start off next season. Hopefully Joel can also clean house.
Team: Philly Special (Jo)
Projected Yahoo finish: 3rd, 2074.27 pts
My projected finish: 7th, 1999.98 pts
Actual finish: 10th, 1766.88 pts
NFL equivalent: Tampa Bay Bucs
Much was expected of the Bucs, and much was expected of Joanna’s team. Both had flawed QBs — Bucs signal caller Jameis Winston threw 30 interceptions (and had a league-record seven returned for TDs) while Joanna invested heavily in Nick Foles, may he rest in peace. Neither of the teams had reliable RBs. And while both had all-pro wideouts — Chris Godwin and Mike Evans in Tampa, DeAndre Hopkins and JuJu Smith-Schuster for Joanna — neither materialized into success. Plus, both teams had very questionable coaching.
Team: Requiem for a Season (Paul)
Projected Yahoo finish: 6th, 2017.22 pts
My projected finish: 1st, 2255.88 pts
Actual finish: 9th, 1814.82 pts
NFL equivalent: Detroit Lions
Ah, my second biggest misstep of the year. Paul’s team looked like it had the right recipe: A strong QB in Deshaun Watson, great RBs in Alvin Kamara and Joe Mixon, boom-or-bust prospects like QB Kyler Murray and Damien Williams. So what happened? I blame stock market volatility. Also, maybe the NFL’s pass interference rules. And possibly the weather. Also, trading away one of the only reliable TEs in fantasy this year for the remains of WR Desean Jackson probably didn’t help.
Team: Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Projected Yahoo finish: 9th, 1952.10 pts
My projected finish: 6th, 2001.97 pts
Actual finish: 8th, 1837.24 pts
NFL equivalent: Carolina Panthers
I’m not sure Jeff’s team has a single player I like. Baker Mayfield? Jerk. Tyreek Hill? Double jerk. Keenan Allen? Killed two of my other fantasy teams. Vanc McDonald? Killed two more. The Eagles defense? I can’t think of a unit that has caused me more anger than this year. I guess what I’m saying is that while Yahoo better predicted this team than I did, I’m happy to see most of these players suffer. Feel bad for Jeff, though.
Team: Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob)
Projected Yahoo finish: 4th, 2051.85 pts
My projected finish: 2nd, 2230.77 pts
Actual finish: 7th, 1867.94 pts
NFL equivalent: Chicago Bears
It was all there for the Bears and Bob. Chicago had a dominant defense. Bob had RB Christian McCaffery, who had 1,000 yds rushing and 1,000 more receiving. The Bears were coming off a remarkable 2018 season where they showed offensive ingenuity. Bob had the top non-QB fantasy producer, RB Christian McCaffery. The Bears had a city ready for excitement. Bob had McCaffery. Ultimately, the Bears needed more offense and a little better performance from their defensive studs. And maybe Bob should have had more than McCaffery.
Team: We love the mud (Mom D)
Projected Yahoo finish: 8th, 1986.63 pts
My projected finish: 5th, 2051.01 pts
Actual finish: 6th, 1884.34 pts
NFL equivalent: Denver Broncos
There were times this year when Mom’s team looked like it had championship potential, especially when QB Russell Wilson was vying for the MVP. WR Michael Thomas set the single-season receptions record. RB David Johnson was a real fantasy football player again (for like two weeks). But a few mediocre performances from Seattle late in the season sunk her chances faster than the Denver Broncos regretted that Joe Flacco trade. Still, a top six finish is respectable, if ultimately unrewarding.
Team: For Who? For Wentz? (Ant)
Projected Yahoo finish: 7th, 2010.85 pts
My projected finish: 4th, 2087.21 pts
Actual finish: 5th, 1888.39 pts
NFL equivalent: LA Rams
Like last year’s NFC champs, Anthony came into 2019 with high expectations. And while 5th place is good, it’s not what the defending Awesome Cup champion was hoping for this season … much like the Rams “9-7 but missed the playoffs” finish was disappointing. So what went wrong for Ant? Plenty of Carson Wentz guttiness but not enough stats, given than he had no healthy wideouts to throw to. Good but not great performances from Stefon Diggs and Julio Jones. Things got so thin he had to rely on 70-year-old Larry Fitzgerald for weekly starts. And having WR Amari Cooper on your team is just asking for the Dallas failure to infect everything around you.
Team: Peabody and Sherman (Dad)
Projected Yahoo finish: 1st, 2161.96 pts
My projected finish: 9th, 1865.56 pts
Actual finish: 4th, 1894.10 pts
NFL equivalent: Pittsburgh Steelers
Dad would like you to know he considers this season a success, even though his team finished more than 240 pts out of bronze medal position. Still, for a team I saw as one of the worst in the league, he at least made me look bad. QB Patrick Mahomes was not as good as last year but still exceptional. RBs Melvin Gordon and Todd Gurley surprised. His WRs were … well, they were at least healthier than the Eagles’ crew. And Dad won the weekly picks contest against me, so it’s a largely positive year, like the Steelers finishing 8-8. Positive, but out of the playoffs.
Team: SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike)
Projected Yahoo finish: 10th, 1943.33 pts
My projected finish: 8th, 1934.44 pts
Actual finish: 3rd, 2137.99 pts
NFL equivalent: San Francisco 49ers
I feel like Mike was the big surprise this year, much like San Fran taking a solid team from interesting to a first-round playoff bye. Saddled with some questionable draft picks (I’m looking at you, Matt Ryan), he dramatically overhauled his team in October. Jameis Winston was a big pickup (despite those 30 interceptions, dear gawd, 30!) as was the Baltimore defense and a revolving collection of other role players. Having RB Saquon Barkley didn’t hurt either. Imagine where Mike could have finished if he had checked his roster before week 4.
Team: McKnown or Never (Capt Awesome)
Projected Yahoo finish: 5th, 2027.95 pts
My projected finish: 3rd, 2112.21 pts
Actual finish: 2nd, 2215.03 pts
NFL equivalent: Philadelphia Eagles
You want to talk about a great coaching job this year, you have to talk about my squad and Eagles Coach Doug Pederson among the best. With an ever rotating cast of RBs and WRs, both of us put our faith in the team’s franchise QB (Wentz for Doug, Lamar Jackson for me) and gameplanned around all the other obstacles. The big difference with our squads is that my team had a reliable defense for half the season (New England) while Doug’s has been shaky all year long. So, given that, I think it’s fair to say I’m smarter than Super Bowl winning coach Doug Pederson, when you look at it objectively.
But ultimately it wasn’t enough. My squad fell just a few pts shy of the top spot, ceding the 2019 Awesome Cup to …
Team: Kneel Armstrong (Sam)
Projected Yahoo finish: 2nd, 2150.11 pts
My projected finish: 11th, 1755.43 pts
Actual finish: 1st, 2246.98 pts
NFL equivalent: New England Patriots
As late as week 7, Sam’s squad was in 8th place and looked destined for the bottom of the standings. Since then, his team has been nothing but remarkable. RB Derrick Henry won the rushing title and piled pts into his column. Paired with RBs Aaron Jones and Ezekiel Elliott, his running attack was unstoppable. WRs Emmanuel Sanders, Cooper Kupp and Kenny Golladay took turns chipping more in. His pure-evil QB, Dak Prescott, was a fantasy stud every week except when it counted in week 16 against the Eagles. Of course, these are just fantasy pts and this team has no real heart, just like the Patriots. But like Tom Brady’s boys, on paper they look good, and that’s enough to win a fantasy title. So congratulations to Sam on his second Awesome Cup victory, and on his year of bragging rights ahead.
For the record, I’d score my predictions vs. Yahoo’s a 5-4-2 victory, once again proving I should do this professionally, or at least on a basis where I can trash talk directly to giant search engine’s computers.
And I can’t let you all go without thanking you again for participating in this nonsense every year. Hopefully I’ll be back in a few weeks to post about the Eagles improbable Super Bowl victory (it’s a new year let me be delusional for a few hours) and I expect you all back ready and renewed next season to wrest the trophy from Sam’s hands.
