Tuesday, November 24, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #11

That chill in the air may not be just the impending winter. Consider:

** The Temple Owls football team is on the verge of being ranked in the top 25. Technically they’re 29th right now, with a 9-2 record and a real chance of winning the MAC. Al Golden is being talked about for coach of the year. Remember, the Owls’ record from 2003-2007 was 9-50.

** The Eagles won a close game thanks to smart running plays. Over the last two real series (not including the final kneel downs) the Birds ran the ball nine times and passed it eight times, chewing up over eight minutes of the last quarter. Andy Reid even gave up the chance to pass on two separate third and short plays with under three minutes left.

** Michigan’s football team isn’t going to a bowl game … again. The Wolverines went 1-7 over their last eight games and finished dead last in the Big Ten. The last time that happened was in 1962, during the height of the Cuban missile crisis.

** Brett Favre is the top rated passer in the NFL. Maybe this isn’t a sign that hell has frozen over, but it’s definitely something that will anger God and bring about the apocalypse.

** A catcher won the AL MVP award for the first time in 33 years. Joe Mauer also won his second AL batting title this year and was a near unanimous selection for the honor. Every voter went for Mauer over Saint Derek Jeter. Catchers aren’t supposed to win these awards; They’re purely for decorative purposes, like lawn gnomes or horse jockeys.

If Reggie Brown records a 100-yard receiving week next week, it’s a sure sign that Saddam Hussein has finally overthrown Satan and installed an air conditioner.

QB: Matt Stafford, 43.58 pts – sitting on the wire
RB: Ricky Williams, 33.17 pts – started by Neal
WR: Wes Welker, 28.88 pts – started by NewMike
TE: Kevin Boss, 22.07 pts – sitting on the wire
K: Billy Cundiff, 17.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: New England, 21.00 pts – sitting on Joel’s bench
D: Leigh Bodden, 15.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Another sign that hell has frozen over; The Lions’ QB was the best player on the week. In case you didn’t hear about the epic Cleveland/Detroit game …

With his team trailing 37-31 and just eight seconds left in the game, Stafford heaved a Hail Mary pass as a defensive lineman drove him into the ground. The pass fell incomplete, but a safety blatantly interfered with a Lions wideout -- setting up an untimed final down on the one yard line. Stafford, whose shoulder was injured on the previous play, shook off his medical staff and tossed the game-winning TD. He couldn’t even raise his arm in victory as the team celebrated around him.

If this was a Colts/Patriots game, you’d be hearing about that ending for years. As it is, no one will remember it outside of Detroit next week.

A special shout-out to former Cowboys/Eagles/49ers wide receiver Terrell Owens, who had a monster game this week: He recorded 9 catches for 197 yards an a TD on Sunday. The performance showed everything you need to know about this possible Hall of Fame wideout:

** His team still lost, 18-15. The game came a week after he helped get his coach fired.
** After the game, he said he’s ready to “put the team on my shoulders” and help push them towards the playoffs. The team is 3-7 and in last place in the AFC East.
** The huge day made him the 38th best pass catcher on the year – He’s now just ahead of Johnny Knox and Jeremy Maclin on the fantasy points list.
** In the last decade, T.O. has been on the field for one playoff win (in 2002).

He’s an all-time great, as long as you don’t include wins and class.

3rd place: Seattle, -4.00 pts – sitting on Jeff’s bench
2nd place: Detroit, -5.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Tampa Bay, -6.00 pts – sitting on the wire

For the second time this year we’ve had a defense bottom out; The Bucs allowed 38 pts to the Saints and recorded zero sacks, turnovers or blocked kicks. That’s a looooong way from Ronde Barber’s heyday.

At various points in Sunday’s game the radio announcing crew for the Maryland Racial Slurs called the DC regional team’s effort “exemplary,” “valiant,” “outstanding” and “great.”

The Racial Slurs lost the game to the Dallas Cowboys 7-6. The team went 2-4 on field goal attempts and had more than twice as many punting yards (195) as rushing yards (78).

There’s a big difference between “valiant” and “close.” Your team played tough and lost at the very end instead of getting blown out. That’s not great football; that’s a close game.

Actually, by Redskins standards maybe it is…

Actual odds to win the Super Bowl, at Bodog.com this week:

** Detroit Lions (2-8 record): 8000 to 1.
** Buffalo Bills (3-7): 5000 to 1.
** Maryland Racial Slurs (3-7): 300 to 1.
** Seattle Seahawks (3-7): 500 to 1.
** Philadelphia Eagles (6-4): 24 to 1.
** Dallas Cowboys (7-3): 20 to 1.
** Cincinnati Bengals (7-3): 11 to 1.
** San Diego Chargers (7-3): 8 to 1.
** Minnesota Vikings (9-1): 4 to 1.
** Indianapolis Colts (10-0): 7 to 2.
** New Orleans Saints (10-0): 7 to 2.

It’s almost worth that Lions bet. It’ll never happen, but $10 pays $80,000.

Every year I look forward to Thanksgiving (the second-best holiday of the year, right behind Draftsgiving). But every year when that Thursday rolls around I’m reminded that even in times of family bonding and relaxation, evil can creep in.

I’m referring, of course, to the made-up “tradition” that Dallas has to play football on Thanksgiving. The first nationally broadcast game on the holiday was Detroit, not Dallas. When the Cowboys joined the league, they decided they should steal that too, along with the integrity and decency of the league.

Don’t believe me? It’s all spelled out clearly right there:

Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving
-- TV? No. Gasbag clowns sink holiday --

No turducken can ever fully wash down the bitter taste they leave in your mouth.

Click on the standings to make them bigger.

Don’t be fooled by New Mike – he can be beat (hopefully by my sudden resurgence, thank you Jamaal Charles) if you hang in there. NewMike earned the Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week award this week, leaving a whopping 41 pts on his bench. That easily outdistanced Joel (38 pts on the bench) and Ant (36 pts) and Jeff (35 pts).

It’s not over. There are still six weeks left, and five teams within 170 pts of first place.

** Dad didn’t lose ground this week, but he didn’t gain any either: He sits at 12 back with just six weeks left. That’s just two wins per week the rest of the way. That’s still doable.

** Don’t forget: Three games on Thursday, so there are players on six teams you need to worry about before noon on the holiday. And the trade deadline is Dec. 4, which is an important date to remember anyway...

** Yeah, I typed turducken. And I meant it.


Lari said...

Sadly, I knew about the Lions...and Brett...and T.O. Do you remember when I was just a college fb fan? You've created a monster, Cap'n Major. I actually tune in to ESPN now. Heaven help us! Ok, gotta go call my bookie, $80k sounds fab! Happy Turducken Day :) ~Love u both

captnawsomesdad said...

Hey Captn
I think you may have someting there with the end of days. The sun hasn't been shining very much lately. Is that another sign? BG