Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #15

As you know, this weekend will be the Eagles annual “Christmas” game, where they bring a Santa impersonator out to wish glad tidings to the fans. He will be booed mercilessly. And that’s the right thing to do – here’s why:

** If I told you a laughing man was going to break into your house tonight and leave “presents” all over your floor, you’d call the cops right away.

** How many Super Bowl wins has Santa brought to the Philly faithful? None.

** Morbid obesity is nothing to celebrate.

** Every year he covers every house in the world to deliver presents, but he can’t chip in and help the Eagles’ secondary cover half the field once in a while?

** He’s wearing fur.

** You can’t spell “Santa Clause” without “Cue Satan.”

** Everyone who takes the field in Philadelphia gets booed. It’s only fair.

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 43.52 pts – started by me
RB: Jerome Harrison, 49.40 pts – sitting on my bench
WR: Steve Smith, 24.87 pts – started by Joel
TE: Dallas Clark, 25.33 pts – started by Ant
K: Matt Prater, 16.00 pts – started by Bobert
DEF: NY Giants, 23.00 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Louis Delmas, 10.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Between Harrison and two other players I left a ridiculous 59 pts on my bench this week, easily the worst of any team (Neal was second with 48, and he stopped playing in October). In fairness, though, Harrison had only 301 rushing yards and no rushing TDs on the year; On Sunday, he went for 286 yards and 3 TDs. If you could have predicted that, you and I have a trip to Vegas coming up.

Also of note: Ben Rothelsberger passed for 503 yards with three TDs and is only the second-best QB of the week. The guy he beat was statistically better. That’s not fair.

Brian Dawkins is unquestionably the greatest safety in Eagles history.

In his 13-year career in Philadelphia he collected 36 interceptions, 25 forced fumbles, 21 sacks and over 800 tackles. He is the only player ever to record a interception, forced fumble, sack and TD reception in the same football game. He played for one Eagles team that lost 13 games and another that won the NFC championship game at home. In short, there’s nothing he didn’t do on the field in Philly.

Except record a safety.

Yes, somehow after 186 games with the team, Weapon X never scored a two-pointer for the home team. So here’s hoping on Sunday, as a member of the Denver Broncos, after his third interception of the day, with the Eagles backed up inside their own five-yard line, McNabb will miss Dawkins coming around the far side of the end zone, and he smashes Pukey into the ground for the career-capping moment.

That'd be a great Christmas present.

2nd Place (tie): Washington, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd Place (tie): Jacksonville, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st Place: Pittsburgh, -5.00 pts – sitting on Jim’s bench

And Pittsburgh won that game! Absolutely ridiculous.

** The Eagles allowed a 100-yard rusher on Sunday (Frank Gore, with 107) for the first time in 24 games. The last one? Frank Gore, with 101 yards in week 6 of last season.

** The Indianapolis Colts have won their last 23 consecutive regular season games … and lost their last two playoff games.

** On the season, Seattle punter Jon Ryan has more passing yards (1 completion, 42 yards) than Broncos backup QB Chris Simms (5 completions, 23 yards.) And Simms played total three quarters and started one game.

** Colts QB Peyton Manning is the top passer on the year (4,213 yards) but, thanks to kneel downs, he’s also the worst rusher in the league (-13 yards).

** On the season, WR Hank Baskett has as many catches (one) as QBs Donovan McNabb, Drew Brees and Brett Farve each have.

The Cowboys/Saints game last weekend was advertised by the NFL Network as “a Saturday edition of Thursday night football.”

Let me repeat that.

The Cowboys/Saints game last weekend was advertised by the NFL Network as “a Saturday edition of Thursday night football.”

It’s bad enough the network makes you sit through Matt Millen. They don’t need to try and redefine the days of the week too.

Last week, Cowboys K Nick Folk missed a short FG which could have clinched the Dallas/New Orleans game with 2 minutes left. In response, the management went out and signed Shaun Suisham, a kicker who missed an even shorter FG against the Saints while playing for the Maryland Racial Slurs two weeks earlier.

But it’s a move that makes sense, right? I mean, the change of venue is sure to help the guy out, right?

New Dallas Cowboys Kicker Shaun Suisham
-- Cue a win? BS. Achy no-skill dork a shame, wuss. --

Maybe not. Seriously, Suisham wasn’t good enough to play for the last-place Redskins. Why not sign someone off the Rams’ roster instead?

Click on the standings to make them bigger.

Good races for second place and for second to last. But first and last? They’re getting boring. It’s sorta like the AFC South.

Maybe I’ll bench NewMike’s whole team at kickoff next week and set Neal’s roster for him, just to shake it up a little.

** Dad dropped one more, putting him 15 behind. On a more positive note, the season is almost over.

** It’s not too late to go online and vote for the Pro-Bowl roster … unless you’re reading this after Monday, in which case it is. Don’t worry; WR DeSean Jackson will make the squad, and he’s the only Eagle worthy of consideration.

** There’s a game on Christmas, so don’t forget to set your rosters. Why is there a game on Christmas? Because the NFL hates Christians.

** Seriously, I’m rooting for Denver on Sunday.

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