Story #18

Troops deal with slower pace of war

Just because I'm back doesn't mean I've stopped writing stories over there. Very confusing.

Fantasy recap week #2

Special stock market edition!

Buy or Sell



Stock: QB Donovan McNabb
Trader’s Rec: BUY. Looks like the old Don is back this year. He even ran for a first down once. No, you didn’t imagine that.

Stock: Dallas’ 2008 Super Bowl
Trader’s Rec: SELL. Wonder what’s gonna happen when they face a real defense (you know, one that’ll drop safeties deep to stop bombs to T.O.)

Stock: Andy Reid’s two-minute offense
Trader’s Rec: SELL. Why did you buy this in the first place? This stock has been a dud since 2004.

Stock: WR DeSean Jackson
Trader’s Rec: HOLD … onto the ball, your moron.

Stock: S Roy Williams
Trader’s Rec: SELL. Hurts when someone else’s shot breaks a bone, doesn’t it? And this one wasn’t even a cheap shot.

Stock: WR Mike Vick
Trader’s Rec: BUY. It’s only nine months until the Eagles sign him to a free agent contract. Trust me, buy into it early.

Top Performers



QB: Jay Cutler, 38.60 pts – sitting on Paul’s bench
RB: Brian Westbrook, 32.80 pts – started by Ant
WR: Brandon Marshall, 35.07 pts – started by Neal
TE: Tony Scheffler, 22.77 pts – started by Paul
K: Ryan Longwell, 19.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Green Bay, 24.00 pts – started by Joel
D: Justin Tuck, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
    Paul had about 10 other top performers too, en route to a 176-point week and reclaiming the first place spot he held most of last year. So we’re back to hating him.

Worst Performers, all positions edition



3rd place: TE Greg Olsen, -1.53 pts – started by Bob
2nd place: Denver, -3.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: St. Louis, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire
    Hot tip for your team: So far, the St. Louis defense is worth -10 pts this season. If you’ve been scoring too many points, consider grabbing them.

Fun with trends



-- Broncos QB Jay Cutler is on pace for a 5,200-yard passing season. Eagles QB Donovan McNabb is on pace for a disappointing 5,136 yards. Patriots QB Tom Brady is still on pace for a 78-yard passing season.
-- Eagles rookie WR DeSean Jackson is on pace for a 96-catch, 1,728-yard season with zero TDs (because he keeps dropping the ball at the one.)
-- The Rams are on pace to score 128 points and only 8 TDs but give up 632 en route to a 0-16 season.
-- Vikings RB Adrian Peterson is on pace to run you down like a dog this year. Seriously, I’m having nightmares about him after the Colts game Sunday.

Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



    Ignoring that Big Andy, with the game on the line, yet again called a 10-yard pass play on fourth and 17 … I’m gonna eat crow and lay out my best fantasy move in a while.
    On Sunday, nervous that LT might not play, I picked up his backup (Darren Sproles) but then decided not to start him. LT did start and get me 5.53 pts, but Sproles totaled 27.94 pts on my bench.
    But even better than that, to get Sproles onto my bench I dropped my starting defensive player, San Fran’s Patrick Willis … who had an 89-yard interception return for a TD on Sunday. Total he had another 14 points, and that’s a grand total of more than 36 points I lost with one move (enough to move me up five spots in the standings).
    That’s quality coaching, kids. Learn from the master.

Cowboys anagram insult of the week



Sure, last night’s loss was painful. But you can take hope that it was only the second game of the season, something that the “Dallas Cowboys’ Kevin Burnett” knows well. Just look at what his name spells out:
*** O, be brave: Lucky wins don’t last ***
Let’s hope he’s right.

Our standings so far



1st place: I heart WRs, Paul – 266.95 pts
2nd place: Porkchop Express, Neal – 251.19 pts
3rd place: The Moravians, Bob – 250.30
    Meanwhile, Jo and I are last and 11th place, respectively. Thanks for playing nice while I was gone, jerks.

News and notes



-- Delaware won it’s first game of the year this weekend, thumping West Chester 48-20. The Hens outrushed the Golden Rams by a slim 308-16 margin, and even blocked an extra-point attempt just to add insult to injury. Next up: the #23 Furman Paladins. Division I-AA has some real mascot problems.
-- Which one of you let Kerry Collins get another starting QB job while I was gone?
-- I think I’m already down 40 games to my father on the season picks, despite the fact they’ve only played 31. I also think my calculator might have gotten messed up in Iraq.

Check out the title

That's right, kids -- we're no longer off base from Fort Awesome anymore. I got back onto U.S. soil a few hours ago and am now making a futile attempt to stay awake for the Monday night game.

I've still got a few more stories to run and plenty of football stuff coming up, so keep checking the site. But thanks to everybody for keeping me sane with the comments on here. Your kind words and potty humor made the 120-degree heat feel like it was just 100 degrees.

Story #17

Troops push for same goals on different halves of city

In other news, I'm already on my second nap of the day.

Rain, beautiful rain

Germany is cold and miserable today --- exactly what I was hoping to see after 25 days above 95 degrees.

But more importantly, I get to walk around in it, because my flight arrived safely and I'm resting comfortably at Ramstein AFB as I type. Last night's USF-Kansas game is on the TV, and there's pizza around the corner that I've already scoped out for lunch.

Flight home is still scheduled for Monday, and I still have some office work to do tomorrow, but I'm nice and relaxed at the moment. And clean. Dear gawd, that was a lot of dust and sand.

Story #16

Rebuilding teams eye long-term goals

Still a few more to come...

Story #15

Qada chief vows not to surrender

Even though I've left the country, the stories keep on coming.

Just a little weird ...

I'm currently sitting at the Kuwait Airport Starbucks killing about six hours before my midnight flight to Frankfurt. Pretty sure I never thought I'd write that sentence...

So, as y'all saw from my Twitter over there, I'm out of Iraq and on my way to Europe. Hopefully this flight goes smooth and I sleep for most of it, because it'll be more running around in Germany once I hit the ground. But the number of people carrying guns around is decreasing every day, so that's good news all around.

Major Awesome?

I got told by a public affairs officer today that he was instructed (by who, I don't know) to treat me as the equivalent of a GS-13 government worker, putting me somewhere around the rank of major. That's higher than my normal Capt. Awesome rank, so I'm wondering how I got a promotion...

Hopefully it just gets me a comfy bed for what could be my last night in Iraq. I'm making a push to the airport sometime tomorrow, so everyone cross your toes that my flight schedule works out an I'm sitting comfortably in Germany sometime in the next 48 hours.

Story #14

Muscle injuries dominate Camp Taji clinic’s cases

Coulda used some advice from them today -- I think I pulled a stomach muscle sleeping. Can I get a purple heart for a lumpy mattress?

Week 1 fantasy recap

Abbreviated, but ...

### Observations from not watching Sunday’s game
-- I might have read the stats line wrong, but it looks like LB Shawn Bradley led the team in tackles. He’s much better on the gridiron than in basketball.
-- I’m disappointed to see WR Hank Baskett got his one 100-yard game of the year out of the way so quickly.
-- Everyone who said McNabb should be traded in the offseason gets shot right now.
-- Whoever did the box score must have been drunk; They actually wrote that WR Greg Lewis had a good game.
-- How did RB Tony Hunt get a two-yard TD run? Why weren’t we passing that close to the end zone?
-- St. Louis kinda sucks.

### Funniest thing I heard this week (NFL edition)
        I only caught a little football this weekend, but it included the second Monday night game. With the score 34-7 and the Broncos facing third down at the one yard line, play-by-play guy Mike Greenberg said that “This is one of those situations where you dig down deep and play for pride, and try and prove that you’re really better than this game has gone.”
        When RB Michael Pittman walked across the goal line on the next play, Greenberg added “Or maybe not.”

### Stupidest thing I heard this week (Iraq edition)
        For the second time this week, somebody told me dysentery is a good way to learn about the local food and culture. But this guy was in psychological operations, so he might have just been seeing how much he could screw with the media.

### Funniest thing I thought this week (me edition)
        Sportscenter: “When asked how QB Tom Brady took the news that he’d have to undergo season ending surgery, coach Belechick said he reacted pretty much the way you’d expect.”
        Me: He cheated?

### Cowboys anagram insult of the week
I know it's early, but it's pretty clear how the Cowboys season is going to end again this year. Just look at "Tony Romo gets a playoff win" and you see:
*** A sporty figment -- no way, fool. ***
God, I missed those in the offseason.

### News and notes
-- RB Jerious Norwood got a TD this week. I hate that guy.
-- Sorry for the abbreviated edition, kids. We’ll try and get it right next week.

Rain!

To follow on my twitter posts, I actually got caught in a rainstorm today.

Sure, it was only three minutes, and the high winds simply could have been clowing water from the nearby river onto me, but it was close to rain. Plus, it kept the temperatures from getting way about 100 degrees today.

The wind was blowing a lot of sand and dust around, but I managed to snap a picture to prove how crazy the weather was:



Not my best work, but I think it conveys the idea.

Story #13

Notebook: Chowing down for Charlie Company

One of the copy editors complimented me for using my Philly roots to find an eating contest in the middle of a war zone. At least I think it was a compliment...

Stories #11 and #12

Troops sacrifice sleep for kickoff

Electricity powers normalcy in Baghdad suburbs

There's the promised football story and another from a few days back. Sports guys did a good job with the layout too, considering I didn't give them any photos to work with.

Watching stupid Eli

Got up at 2am this morning to see the first real football of the season, and found a pair of soldiers (a Dolphins fan and a Cowboys fan) as dumb as me doing the same thing. I'm trying to get a story in tomorrow's paper about it, but here's what we talked about, in order, without any prompting from me:

-- How everyone was a Giants fan for just one day last year
-- How the Eagles desperately need better wide receivers
-- How Barry Sanders was better than Emmitt Smith
-- Why Dan Marino never had a running game
-- How much of a blowhard T.O. is

So, basically, I spent the middle of the night hanging around with the black, Army version of Dad and Mr. Harris. And, just like at home, we all agreed that Marino was the best QB we've ever seen.

Story #10

District hopes to build off drop in violence

Not to be lost in the real news of the day (see below), here's my big wrap-up story from southern Baghdad.

Lookie what I found!

You just can't get away from those DiFulvios.

So, I went out on a patrol today and for fuel reasons we had to make a detour to Camp Liberty. We only had an hour there to grab lunch and fill up, so I didn't even bother looking for Elizabeth.

Of course, if you want to find a Difulvio all you have to do is go looking for the food. I ran smack into her in the middle of the dining hall, much to both of our surprise. Also shocking -- nearly every other person who walked by knew her and made a side comment. I'm just not used to seeing a Difulvio being that talkative.

She looks great (doesn't have that depressed, dirty look of most of the folks around here) and is getting her Army mandated three hours of sleep each night. So you don't have to worry about her, Ant, and you can start planning a welcome home party. She wants Guiseppe's pizza too.

Overheard in Taji

Actual things I heard from soliders today:

** "Dysentery is a good way to learn about Iraq. You can quote me on that."

** "We don't give the Iraqis enough credit. But they aren't good at doing things like making decisions."

** "I think that kid just asked me to give him a donkey."

** "What's the hardest thing about being a reporter? Besides the being sent to Iraq thing?"

I could give you context, but I assure you it wouldn't help explain any of them...

Looking south

I've already made the jump up to Taji, but wanted to take one last look back at dear old southern Baghdad...



Yep, that's pretty much it -- searing sun and concrete walls everywhere. I actually saw a field with green stuff in it today and almost cried.

Stories #8 and #9

Keeping Iraqis honest at the pump

Troops prep for Ramadhan

The main pic for the gas story is on the web site's front page for the moment (and on the front of the print edition; about time I did something good enough for that). It'll probably be a few days before I get anything else in, since I'm gonna be moving again in a few hours.