Get ready, kids. Everybody is signed up for the return of the "Who needs linebackers?" fantasy league, and of course you're all familiar with the draft rules. So, with everyone's proxy assembled at Fort Awesome, let's select the draft order for this season.
Good luck to all, and the first name being pulled from the Eagles' skull cap is ...
12 -- West Coast Westy (Capt. Awesome)
Son of a ... really? I've got to rearrange these draft rules next year. In response to getting the worst pick possible, my proxy, a dancing Eagles hamster, remains silent and furry. Let no one say that this process is rigged.
The next name out of the hat goes to...
11 -- Why Can't Us (Ant)
Just a bit of bad luck for Anthony, who would have picked 8th in a traditional draft order. But the good news is that Ladanian Tomlinson will probably still be available here, since he always ends up drafting him. His proxy, a Donovan McNabb bobble head doll, vomits in response. In fairness, it's been pretty hot in this room.
Next pick goes to...
10 -- StayPuft Haynesworth (New Mike)
Our reigning champ gets a slightly higher pick than expected, but that might be bad news. He won the league picking 13th last year. We only have 12 teams this year, because per league policy our last place finisher was executed at season's end in January. Mike's representative, a fluffy white pillow, lays on the floor apathetic in response, much like Albert Hanyesworth.
Moving on, the next name appearing is...
9 -- I Love Me Some Me (Joanner)
At word of the news Joanna's proxy, Junior Awesome, promptly cries and fills his diaper. I remind him that his mother just picked out my name dead last. He reminds me that it's my turn to change his diaper by yelling louder.
After a slight diaper delay, we're back to picking and the next slot goes to...
8 -- I Heart WRs (Paul)
Paul's pick comes in ... exactly where he finished last year. How dull. Sort of like the Eagles' first-string preseason offense. Paul's proxy, a mini-level sitting on my desk, remains perfectly and uninterestingly balanced.
Next name out of the hat belongs to...
7 -- Jonathan's PopPop (Dad)
Bad news to everyone picking after #7 -- you no longer have any shot of picking up Kevin Kolb, who is already one of the top four QBs all-time according to my father (behind John Elway, Dan Marino and Koy Detmer, of course). Dad's representative, a green teddy bear signaling touchdown, signals touchdown in response. Apparently, he doesn't know that a TD is only worth 6 before the extra point.
Our next selection goes to lucky player ...
6 -- Heidi's team (Heidi)
Hoepfully that name is just a placeholder, but the pick is for sure now. Our only player to be banned a season for steroids will pick right in the middle of the pack. Heidi's proxy, a bottle of NyQuil, remains green and angry, vowing revenge on all who dare challenge it.
Moving along quickly, the next name is ...
5 -- Springfield Atoms (Bobert)
Tough break for Bob, who would have gotten the third pick in a most just system. Instead of getting Ray Rice he'll be forced to swallow another year of Frank Gore. Bob's proxy, an elderly gentleman on Pawn Stars trying to sell his 18th century rifle, is devastated by the news that his gun is actually a fake. The news of the #5 pick doesn't seems to affect him at all, however.
Back in the hat, and the next slip pulled out belongs to...
4 -- Obama's Kenyan Birth (Jim)
Jim finished uncharacteristically poorly last year, but even with a pick this high still probably won't pick an RB with his first pick. But despite that character flaw I appreciate that Jim each year tries to class up the joint with some political humor. His representative, a copy of the Constitution on our bookshelf, weeps at both the pick slot and the team name.
Only three players left, and the next one out of the hat is ...
3 -- The Tebow Connection (Joel)
Am I the only one who has been singing non-stop since Joel first posted his team name? "Why aren't there many more songs about Tebow/ And how he's such a swell guy? / Someday we'll find it / The Tebow Connection / The lovers, the Broncos, and meeeee." Joel's proxy, Elmo's First Book of Colors, smiles approvingly. Ironically, orange doesn't come up until the last page of the book.
Two names left, and the first-runner up goes to ...
2 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
The beautiful thing about presason is that every fan believes this could be the year their team wins it all ... even Jeff's team, which usually suffers a heroic string of bad luck and bad management to end up at the bottom each year. His proxy, one of my blue dress shirts, falls off a hanger and crumples in response to the pick.
That leaves just one player left, so congrats to...
1 -- I'm on a Horse (Champ Mike)
Our only two-time Awesome Cup champion scores another minor victory, moving up five spots in the draft order to grab the first overall pick. He doesn't need the extra help, but something tells me he's not going to complain about it either. His proxy, a stuffed panda, waits menicingly for the inveitable bloodbath to come.
That's it folks. Everybody get your draft order set, and I'll flip the switch on Sept. 1. That gives you all a week and a day to get your affairs in order. Remember that whoever drafts Tony Romo automatically gets the preseason last place ranking. Any other questions, you know where to find me.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Proposed Kolb grading system
Sure, you could just look at the Eagles record to decide how well new QB Kevin Kolb is playing. But what fun would that be? What we need here is a set of statistical criteria to judge every aspect of Kolb’s game against how the Maryland Racial Slurs’ new QB (Donovan McNabb) is doing, and then determine a clear and completely arbitrary winner. In fact, we should do that every single week, constantly evaluating and second-guessing Kolb’s entire career.
So, let’s see what we’ve got from the first set of preseason games:
---------------------------------------------
QB Rating: Point to McNabb
Kolb 83.5, McNabb 124.0
Completion percentage: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6/11, McNabb 5/8
Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 95, McNabb 58
TDs: Point to McNabb
Kolb 0, McNabb 1
Turnovers: Push
Kolb 0, McNabb 0
Rushing Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 15, McNabb 1
Team offensive points: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6, McNabb 7
Team win: Push
Kolb Yes, McNabb Yes
Result: McNabb 4, Kolb 2, Push 2.
Results for the year: McNabb leads 1-0 (preseason)
---------------------------------------------
Keep in mind that this is still the preseason, so I may tweak the formula before the regular season recaps begin.
So, let’s see what we’ve got from the first set of preseason games:
---------------------------------------------
QB Rating: Point to McNabb
Kolb 83.5, McNabb 124.0
Completion percentage: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6/11, McNabb 5/8
Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 95, McNabb 58
TDs: Point to McNabb
Kolb 0, McNabb 1
Turnovers: Push
Kolb 0, McNabb 0
Rushing Yards: Point to Kolb
Kolb 15, McNabb 1
Team offensive points: Point to McNabb
Kolb 6, McNabb 7
Team win: Push
Kolb Yes, McNabb Yes
Result: McNabb 4, Kolb 2, Push 2.
Results for the year: McNabb leads 1-0 (preseason)
---------------------------------------------
Keep in mind that this is still the preseason, so I may tweak the formula before the regular season recaps begin.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Same as it ever was
A look at the Phillies, through 111 games:
Starting rotation
2009 – Lee, Happ, Martinez, Moyer, Hamels
2010 – Halladay, Oswalt, Blanton, Kendrick, Hamels
Infield
2009 – Howard, Utley, Rollins, Feliz
2010 – Sweeney, Valdez, Rollins, Polanco
Road record
2009 – 34 wins, 19 losses
2010 – 26 wins, 30 losses
Runs scored
2009 – 585
2010 – 524
All Stars
2009 – Five (Howard, Utley, Ibanez, Victorino, Werth)
2010 – Two (Howard, Halladay)
Record
2009 – 63-48
2010 – 62-49
So, one year later, we’ve had three controversial pitcher trades, a complete replacement of the bench, major injuries to half the team … and we’re back to the exact same spot. Yay?
Starting rotation
2009 – Lee, Happ, Martinez, Moyer, Hamels
2010 – Halladay, Oswalt, Blanton, Kendrick, Hamels
Infield
2009 – Howard, Utley, Rollins, Feliz
2010 – Sweeney, Valdez, Rollins, Polanco
Road record
2009 – 34 wins, 19 losses
2010 – 26 wins, 30 losses
Runs scored
2009 – 585
2010 – 524
All Stars
2009 – Five (Howard, Utley, Ibanez, Victorino, Werth)
2010 – Two (Howard, Halladay)
Record
2009 – 63-48
2010 – 62-49
So, one year later, we’ve had three controversial pitcher trades, a complete replacement of the bench, major injuries to half the team … and we’re back to the exact same spot. Yay?
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Office turnover
Since K David Akers joined the Eagles 11 years ago, he’s had 246 different co-workers on the playing field alongside him (not including coaches and trainers). His oldest co-worker, QB Donovan McNabb, had been with him since 1999 but was traded from the team in the off-season.
Here’s a closer look at the cast of characters he’s toiled alongside since his start as an Eagles employee:
** 11 different QBs have taken snaps in games (or at least in practice) for the Eagles over that span. They are (in descending order of skill) Donovan McNabb, Jeff Garcia, A. J. Feeley, Koy Detmer, Michael Vick, Jeff Blake, Mike McMahon, Doug Pederson, Andy Hall, Tim Hasselbeck and Kevin Kolb.
** 22 different RBs have taken a hand-off since then, most notably Duce Staley and Brian Westbrook. But the list also includes luminaries like Amp Lee, Eric Bieniemy, Rod ‘He Hate Me’ Smart, Darnell Autry, and someone named Eric McCoo.
** The team has employed 33 different offensive linemen but 45 unique defensive linemen – unusual, since a typical defense features just four linemen and a typical offense five.
** The Eagles have employed three other kickers – Jose Cortez, Norm Johnson and Todd France – during Akers stay but needed seven other punters. They include Dirk Johnson, Sean Landeta and Sav Rocca, but also some guy named Reggie Hodges.
** 32 different linebackers have taken the field during the span. Only three were good: Jeremiah Trotter, Ike Reese and William Thomas. Among those who were not: Mike Labinjo, Pago Togafau, Torrance Daniels.
** Only two players of the 246 were listed before Akers in the Eagles' alphabetical roster over that time frame: LB Keith Adams and DE Victor Abiamiri.
** The team has gone through 28 different WRs over that span, but only three have posted a 1,000-yard season: Terrell Owens in 2004, Kevin Curtis in 2007 and DeSean Jackson in 2009. Surprisingly, that list does not include great wideouts like Dietrich Jells, Billy McMullen or Na Brown.
The Eagles invited 21 rookies to training camp this year and 8 other new veterans, so it looks like Akers will be making more new friends soon.
Here’s a closer look at the cast of characters he’s toiled alongside since his start as an Eagles employee:
** 11 different QBs have taken snaps in games (or at least in practice) for the Eagles over that span. They are (in descending order of skill) Donovan McNabb, Jeff Garcia, A. J. Feeley, Koy Detmer, Michael Vick, Jeff Blake, Mike McMahon, Doug Pederson, Andy Hall, Tim Hasselbeck and Kevin Kolb.
** 22 different RBs have taken a hand-off since then, most notably Duce Staley and Brian Westbrook. But the list also includes luminaries like Amp Lee, Eric Bieniemy, Rod ‘He Hate Me’ Smart, Darnell Autry, and someone named Eric McCoo.
** The team has employed 33 different offensive linemen but 45 unique defensive linemen – unusual, since a typical defense features just four linemen and a typical offense five.
** The Eagles have employed three other kickers – Jose Cortez, Norm Johnson and Todd France – during Akers stay but needed seven other punters. They include Dirk Johnson, Sean Landeta and Sav Rocca, but also some guy named Reggie Hodges.
** 32 different linebackers have taken the field during the span. Only three were good: Jeremiah Trotter, Ike Reese and William Thomas. Among those who were not: Mike Labinjo, Pago Togafau, Torrance Daniels.
** Only two players of the 246 were listed before Akers in the Eagles' alphabetical roster over that time frame: LB Keith Adams and DE Victor Abiamiri.
** The team has gone through 28 different WRs over that span, but only three have posted a 1,000-yard season: Terrell Owens in 2004, Kevin Curtis in 2007 and DeSean Jackson in 2009. Surprisingly, that list does not include great wideouts like Dietrich Jells, Billy McMullen or Na Brown.
The Eagles invited 21 rookies to training camp this year and 8 other new veterans, so it looks like Akers will be making more new friends soon.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Excited about football
I'll be the first to admit it: I didn't think I'd be psyched about football this year, but as soon as this week rolled around I found myself desperate to see the boys back on the field again. Why? Consider the following:
1 -- This team is nothing but young talent. The squad has 16 key players under 30, and a handful more who just hit that magic number.
2 -- The Philly defense still has some major holes, but the offense already looks to be coming along just fine. That doesn't necessarily mean more wins, but it does make for some exciting shootouts.
3 -- The fan base has already been rabid, and there's no reason to think that they're going to calm down anytime soon.
4 -- The playoffs are a real possibility. When you look at the other teams in their division, none of them have a clear edge. Sure, it'll take some luck, but it's not an impossible climb up to a playoff slot.
I know a lot of folks are pessimistic looking ahead, but don't count me among them. Football is back for good this week, and it should be a time for excitement throughout Philadelphia.
It all starts on Saturday, when the MLS All-Star break wraps up and the Philadelphia Union retake the field to start the second half of the football season. Who would have thought their inaugural season could be this exciting?
Join or Die, baby. Join or Die.
Wait, you thought I was talking about these jerks? Hell no. Nothing about this NFL season looks like fun.
1 -- This team is nothing but young talent. The squad has 16 key players under 30, and a handful more who just hit that magic number.
2 -- The Philly defense still has some major holes, but the offense already looks to be coming along just fine. That doesn't necessarily mean more wins, but it does make for some exciting shootouts.
3 -- The fan base has already been rabid, and there's no reason to think that they're going to calm down anytime soon.
4 -- The playoffs are a real possibility. When you look at the other teams in their division, none of them have a clear edge. Sure, it'll take some luck, but it's not an impossible climb up to a playoff slot.
I know a lot of folks are pessimistic looking ahead, but don't count me among them. Football is back for good this week, and it should be a time for excitement throughout Philadelphia.
It all starts on Saturday, when the MLS All-Star break wraps up and the Philadelphia Union retake the field to start the second half of the football season. Who would have thought their inaugural season could be this exciting?
Join or Die, baby. Join or Die.
Wait, you thought I was talking about these jerks? Hell no. Nothing about this NFL season looks like fun.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thanks again, Eagles
Every day, on my way to work, I pass by this bus stop just a block from my office. Last Friday they changed the ad on the side of it:
So now I'll get to see that every day until September.
Thanks again, Eagles. This is gonna be a great football season. Excuse me for a moment while I wretch in the corner.
So now I'll get to see that every day until September.
Thanks again, Eagles. This is gonna be a great football season. Excuse me for a moment while I wretch in the corner.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Trying to be relentlessly positive
Chase Utley could be out for several weeks with a thumb injury. The last time the Phillies lost their all-star 2B to an extended injury was 2007 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
The Phillies were 3.5 games out starting Tuesday. The last time they were that far out after June 1 was in June 2009 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
Jimmy Rollins has already missed 57 games this year. The last season he missed more than 30 games was 2008 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
The Phillies have already been shut out seven times this season. The last time they were shut out that many times in one year was 2009 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
Just saying ...
The Phillies were 3.5 games out starting Tuesday. The last time they were that far out after June 1 was in June 2009 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
Jimmy Rollins has already missed 57 games this year. The last season he missed more than 30 games was 2008 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
The Phillies have already been shut out seven times this season. The last time they were shut out that many times in one year was 2009 ... when the Phillies staged a late-season rally to win their division.
Just saying ...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Your Philadelphia sports life
Click on the timeline to make it bigger.
Look, I know the Flyers loss was a little painful, but let's look at the positives: The chart above shows that we're in possibly the best pro sports stretch of our lives (well, at least since I've understood baseball.)
Look, I know the Flyers loss was a little painful, but let's look at the positives: The chart above shows that we're in possibly the best pro sports stretch of our lives (well, at least since I've understood baseball.)
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
I don't want to be picky, but ...
The Flyers have had an amazing season; They're facing a do-or-die game six in the Stanley Cup Finals; They became the first #7 seed ever to host the conference championships; they became only the fourth professional sports franchise to come back from a 3-0 series deficit; and they did all this after qualifying for the playoffs after a shootout win on the very last day of the regular season.
So, ESPN ...
... do you think you could finally update the Flyers team page on your site to include a picture of Briere in a Flyers uniform? He hasn't worn the Buffalo black and gold since 2007.
So, ESPN ...
... do you think you could finally update the Flyers team page on your site to include a picture of Briere in a Flyers uniform? He hasn't worn the Buffalo black and gold since 2007. Thanks. And let's go Flyers.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Perfection in Philly sports, 1964-present
June 21, 1964 -- Phillies pitcher Jim Bunning pitches a perfect game in New York against the Mets. The win, in which Bunning recorded 10 Ks, puts him at 7-2 for the season thus far.
Nov. 21, 1967 -- Flyers G Bernie Parent records his first career perfect game, a 3-0 shutout of the Montreal Candieans. Parent would record 50 total shutouts in his Flyers career.
Oct. 14, 1979 -- The Flyers defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs 4-3 in the first of 35-straight games without a loss, a record of perfection which still stands today.
May 1983 -- The Sixers sweep the Knicks in the first round of the NBA playoffs and the Lakers in the finals, but lose one game to the Bucks in their second round series and finish the postseason an imperfect 12-1.
Dec. 22, 1991 -- After completing a 24-22 win over the Washington Redskins, the Eagles defense (anchored by Reggie White and Jerome Brown) finishes the seas ranked #1 against the run, #1 against the pass, and #1 overall.
March 2, 2004 -- The St. Joe's Hawks defeat St. Bonaventure 82-50 to finish the regular season 27-0, the last Division I basketball program to post a perfect regular season.
Dec. 19, 2004 -- The Eagles finish the NFC East regular season with a 12-7 win over the Dallas Cowboys, completing a perfect 6-0 division schedule. They follow it up in 2005 with a 0-6 record.
Sept. 23, 2007 -- Eagles QB Donovan McNabb records a perfect QB rating, 158.3, in a 56-21 victory over the Lions. McNabb threw for 381 yards and four TDs.
May 29, 2010 -- Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay pitches a perfect game in Florida against the Marlins. The win, in which Halladay recorded 11 Ks, puts him at 7-3 for the season thus far.
Nov. 21, 1967 -- Flyers G Bernie Parent records his first career perfect game, a 3-0 shutout of the Montreal Candieans. Parent would record 50 total shutouts in his Flyers career.
Oct. 14, 1979 -- The Flyers defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs 4-3 in the first of 35-straight games without a loss, a record of perfection which still stands today.
May 1983 -- The Sixers sweep the Knicks in the first round of the NBA playoffs and the Lakers in the finals, but lose one game to the Bucks in their second round series and finish the postseason an imperfect 12-1.
Dec. 22, 1991 -- After completing a 24-22 win over the Washington Redskins, the Eagles defense (anchored by Reggie White and Jerome Brown) finishes the seas ranked #1 against the run, #1 against the pass, and #1 overall.
March 2, 2004 -- The St. Joe's Hawks defeat St. Bonaventure 82-50 to finish the regular season 27-0, the last Division I basketball program to post a perfect regular season.
Dec. 19, 2004 -- The Eagles finish the NFC East regular season with a 12-7 win over the Dallas Cowboys, completing a perfect 6-0 division schedule. They follow it up in 2005 with a 0-6 record.
Sept. 23, 2007 -- Eagles QB Donovan McNabb records a perfect QB rating, 158.3, in a 56-21 victory over the Lions. McNabb threw for 381 yards and four TDs.
May 29, 2010 -- Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay pitches a perfect game in Florida against the Marlins. The win, in which Halladay recorded 11 Ks, puts him at 7-3 for the season thus far.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Fun facts about the Flyers
Learn about your favorite team before they head off to the Stanley Cup Finals!
C Jeff Carter -- At 6-3 and 200 pounds, he is roughly the same size as Cole Hamels.
G Michael Leighton -- He has started in goal for 10 different teams in the last 10 years, including the Windsor Spitfires and Albany River Rats. Up until this year, he had a winning record with four of them.
D Oskars Bartulis -- He is a member of the Flyers roster.
LW Ville Leino -- His first name is Finnish, meaning "a strong willed, helmed man." He does, in fact, wear a helmet.
C Mike Richards -- He has a gold medal from when Sidney Crosby beat the US Hockey team in the Olympics, and yet we still love him.
LW Simon Gagne -- He is not dead.
LW Daniel Carcillo -- He collected over 200 penalty minutes this season, meaning he sat in the box for more than three whole games.
D Chris Pronger -- He is, in fact, a Canadian.
C Jeff Carter -- At 6-3 and 200 pounds, he is roughly the same size as Cole Hamels.
G Michael Leighton -- He has started in goal for 10 different teams in the last 10 years, including the Windsor Spitfires and Albany River Rats. Up until this year, he had a winning record with four of them.
D Oskars Bartulis -- He is a member of the Flyers roster.
LW Ville Leino -- His first name is Finnish, meaning "a strong willed, helmed man." He does, in fact, wear a helmet.
C Mike Richards -- He has a gold medal from when Sidney Crosby beat the US Hockey team in the Olympics, and yet we still love him.
LW Simon Gagne -- He is not dead.
LW Daniel Carcillo -- He collected over 200 penalty minutes this season, meaning he sat in the box for more than three whole games.
D Chris Pronger -- He is, in fact, a Canadian.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tough choices
Since we’re faced with another bonanza of Philly sports tonight, here’s a handy guide to what you should be watching. Simply answer the easy questions below and total up your scoresheet to see which Philadelphia success story deserves air time on your nearest TV:
** Is it the NHL playoffs? (If yes, +1 Flyers)
** Is it the MLB playoffs? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Simon Gagne playing? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Is Simon Gagne hurt but playing? (Yes, +2 Flyers)
** Is Simon Gagne dead? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Roy Halladay pitching for the Phils? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Kyle Kendrick in goal for the Flyers? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Have the Phillies scored double-digits yet? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Have the Flyers chased the other goalie? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are the Flyers down 3-0 in a game seven? (Yes, +2 Flyers)
** Are the Phillies lighting up Johan Santana? (Yes, +2 Phillies)
** Are the Flyers playing Pittsburgh? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are the Phillies playing Pittsburgh? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Is Ryan Howard up to bat? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are Chase Utley or Jimmy Rollins up to bat? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Ross Gload up to bat? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are the Flyers on a power play? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are the Phillies using binoculars? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are you in attendance at the Phillies game? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are you Charlie Manuel? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are you Ed Snider? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are you Andy Reid? (Yes, +1 passing plays)
Honestly, the real solution here is to get a dual-tuner DVR already…
** Is it the NHL playoffs? (If yes, +1 Flyers)
** Is it the MLB playoffs? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Simon Gagne playing? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Is Simon Gagne hurt but playing? (Yes, +2 Flyers)
** Is Simon Gagne dead? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Roy Halladay pitching for the Phils? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Kyle Kendrick in goal for the Flyers? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Have the Phillies scored double-digits yet? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Have the Flyers chased the other goalie? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are the Flyers down 3-0 in a game seven? (Yes, +2 Flyers)
** Are the Phillies lighting up Johan Santana? (Yes, +2 Phillies)
** Are the Flyers playing Pittsburgh? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are the Phillies playing Pittsburgh? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Is Ryan Howard up to bat? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are Chase Utley or Jimmy Rollins up to bat? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Is Ross Gload up to bat? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are the Flyers on a power play? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are the Phillies using binoculars? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are you in attendance at the Phillies game? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are you Charlie Manuel? (Yes, +1 Phillies)
** Are you Ed Snider? (Yes, +1 Flyers)
** Are you Andy Reid? (Yes, +1 passing plays)
Honestly, the real solution here is to get a dual-tuner DVR already…
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Least essential Phils jerseys
Here's a quick look at actual Phillies jerseys up for sale on Ebay right now:
Ryan Madson 2008 World Series jersey (game used)
$7,999.99, plus $5 shipping
Sure, it's historic. But $8,000 could also get you season tickets for the next 30-plus years. Plus, this jersey tends to come apart at the seams in the ninth inning.
Kyle Drabek signed jersey
$119.99
Nothing shows off how much you love your team like wearing the shirt of the guy traded for somebody much better.
Francisco Rosario 2007 jersey (game used)
$195
I have no memory who this guy is. He was on the 07 playoff team? Are you sure?
President Obama XXL #44 jersey
$49.99
No. Just stop it. This could fit three or four Democratic presidents in it, and it's the worst kind of novelty jersey.
Phillies pet jersey
$4.99
Nevermind. That's the worst kind of novelty jersey.
Adam Eaton 2008 jersey (game-used)
$399
Somehow the Phils won a World Series this year despite shelling out $8 million for Eaton's four wins on the season. Maybe he wore this during one of them!
Eric Bruntlett 2007 St. Patrick’s day jersey (game used)
$149.99
The Phils don't play real games in March, and anything worn during a spring training game cannot be considered "game used."
Mitch Williams jersey
$39.99
No one should wear a choker jersey. Ever.
Jim Thome jersey
$48.62 plus $13.61 shipping
Why the weird price? The seller is up in Canada, and they still haven't received word that Thome left the team four years ago.
Greg Lewis jersey
$49.99
This actually shows up when you search "Phillies jerseys" on Ebay, proving once again that Greg Lewis ruins everything.
Ryan Madson 2008 World Series jersey (game used)
$7,999.99, plus $5 shipping
Sure, it's historic. But $8,000 could also get you season tickets for the next 30-plus years. Plus, this jersey tends to come apart at the seams in the ninth inning.
Kyle Drabek signed jersey
$119.99
Nothing shows off how much you love your team like wearing the shirt of the guy traded for somebody much better.
Francisco Rosario 2007 jersey (game used)
$195
I have no memory who this guy is. He was on the 07 playoff team? Are you sure?
President Obama XXL #44 jersey
$49.99
No. Just stop it. This could fit three or four Democratic presidents in it, and it's the worst kind of novelty jersey.
Phillies pet jersey
$4.99
Nevermind. That's the worst kind of novelty jersey.
Adam Eaton 2008 jersey (game-used)
$399
Somehow the Phils won a World Series this year despite shelling out $8 million for Eaton's four wins on the season. Maybe he wore this during one of them!
Eric Bruntlett 2007 St. Patrick’s day jersey (game used)
$149.99
The Phils don't play real games in March, and anything worn during a spring training game cannot be considered "game used."
Mitch Williams jersey
$39.99
No one should wear a choker jersey. Ever.
Jim Thome jersey
$48.62 plus $13.61 shipping
Why the weird price? The seller is up in Canada, and they still haven't received word that Thome left the team four years ago.
Greg Lewis jersey
$49.99
This actually shows up when you search "Phillies jerseys" on Ebay, proving once again that Greg Lewis ruins everything.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
2010 MLB salary comparison chart
For you consideration...
$31.5 M -- Yankees P AJ Burnett and P Mariano Rivera
$34.7 M -- Phillies 1B Ryan Howard and P Roy Halladay
$34.9 M -- Pittsburgh Pirates (whole roster)
$37.7 M -- Cubs OF Alfonso Soriano and P Carlos Zambrano
$38.2 M -- San Diego Padres (whole roster)
$39.5 M -- Mets P Johan Santana and OF Carlos Beltran
$46.8 M -- Yankees P CC Sabathia and SS Derek Jeter
$48.5 M -- Arizona Diamondbacks (whole roster)
$50.8 M -- Oakland Athletics (whole roster)
$53.6 M -- Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez and 1B Mark Teixeira
$55.1 M -- Texas Rangers (whole roster)
$31.5 M -- Yankees P AJ Burnett and P Mariano Rivera
$34.7 M -- Phillies 1B Ryan Howard and P Roy Halladay
$34.9 M -- Pittsburgh Pirates (whole roster)
$37.7 M -- Cubs OF Alfonso Soriano and P Carlos Zambrano
$38.2 M -- San Diego Padres (whole roster)
$39.5 M -- Mets P Johan Santana and OF Carlos Beltran
$46.8 M -- Yankees P CC Sabathia and SS Derek Jeter
$48.5 M -- Arizona Diamondbacks (whole roster)
$50.8 M -- Oakland Athletics (whole roster)
$53.6 M -- Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez and 1B Mark Teixeira
$55.1 M -- Texas Rangers (whole roster)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Grading the Eagles 2010 draft
It’s time again to break down the Eagles draft the only sensible way – looking at the anagrams of their names to see what we can learn about their character:
DE Brandon Graham
Anagram: Bang hard or amend
Verdict: Great slogan for a pass rusher. Either hit people hard, or change your ways. I expect great things.
FS Nate Allen
Anagram: Flannel seat
Verdict: I assume this means he’s soft and plaid. Neither are what you want in a shut-down safety.
DE Daniel Te'o-Nesheim
Anagram: Dead enemies hotline
Verdict: Awesome. Just awesome. The defensive line looks better already.
CB Trevard Lindley
Anagram: Dirty, clever, bland
Verdict: As long as he’s a smart, hard worker, I can accept that he’s boring as hell.
LB Keenan Clayton
Anagram: Bony ankle lancet
Verdict: Plays like a knife cutting down to your bone. Jeez, the defensive guys are really getting it this year.
QB Mike Kafka
Anagram: Mi a hack, fake QB
Verdict: Not only is he a fake QB, but his spelling skills look terrible. Not what you want from a field general.
TE Clay Harbor
Anagram: A lacy brother
Anagram: A racy brothel
Anagram: Breathy Carol
Verdict: Honestly, I’m having trouble finding a non-dirty anagram for this guy. Sounds like a clubhouse problem to me.
DE Ricky Sapp
Anagram: Spidery pack
Verdict: OK anagram, but no way it beats the DEs ahead of him in this draft.
WR Riley Cooper
Anagram: Yowl -- Epic error.
Verdict: If you can spell out “epic error” with the letters in your name, you’re in trouble.
RB Charles Scott
Anagram: Crotch blasters
Verdict: Not sure if that means he’s so fast he’ll fake you out of your pants or his. Either way, sounds exciting.
LB Jamar Chaney
Anagram: Mean archly jab
Verdict: I’m not sure what that is, but it sounds angry. So, that’s good news … yes?
DT Jeff Owens
Anagram: Few fond jets
Verdict: Well, yes, there are few players on the Jets that I like. I hardly see how that’s relevant here.
SS Kurt Coleman
Anagram: Tumors slacken
Verdict: Well, at least he has those growths under control.
DE Brandon Graham
Anagram: Bang hard or amend
Verdict: Great slogan for a pass rusher. Either hit people hard, or change your ways. I expect great things.
FS Nate Allen
Anagram: Flannel seat
Verdict: I assume this means he’s soft and plaid. Neither are what you want in a shut-down safety.
DE Daniel Te'o-Nesheim
Anagram: Dead enemies hotline
Verdict: Awesome. Just awesome. The defensive line looks better already.
CB Trevard Lindley
Anagram: Dirty, clever, bland
Verdict: As long as he’s a smart, hard worker, I can accept that he’s boring as hell.
LB Keenan Clayton
Anagram: Bony ankle lancet
Verdict: Plays like a knife cutting down to your bone. Jeez, the defensive guys are really getting it this year.
QB Mike Kafka
Anagram: Mi a hack, fake QB
Verdict: Not only is he a fake QB, but his spelling skills look terrible. Not what you want from a field general.
TE Clay Harbor
Anagram: A lacy brother
Anagram: A racy brothel
Anagram: Breathy Carol
Verdict: Honestly, I’m having trouble finding a non-dirty anagram for this guy. Sounds like a clubhouse problem to me.
DE Ricky Sapp
Anagram: Spidery pack
Verdict: OK anagram, but no way it beats the DEs ahead of him in this draft.
WR Riley Cooper
Anagram: Yowl -- Epic error.
Verdict: If you can spell out “epic error” with the letters in your name, you’re in trouble.
RB Charles Scott
Anagram: Crotch blasters
Verdict: Not sure if that means he’s so fast he’ll fake you out of your pants or his. Either way, sounds exciting.
LB Jamar Chaney
Anagram: Mean archly jab
Verdict: I’m not sure what that is, but it sounds angry. So, that’s good news … yes?
DT Jeff Owens
Anagram: Few fond jets
Verdict: Well, yes, there are few players on the Jets that I like. I hardly see how that’s relevant here.
SS Kurt Coleman
Anagram: Tumors slacken
Verdict: Well, at least he has those growths under control.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Draftsgiving 2010
I know the Thursday start of this year's NFL draft has left a lot of folks wondering what exactly the change means for the annual Drafsgiving celebration. Fear not; Not even ESPN can take all of the fun out of sports and holidays (although they're trying hard.) Here's a list of do's and don't's for this year's celebration:
DO -- start drinking on Thursday. Sure, the real celebration still starts Saturday at 11:55 am, but it doesn't hurt to watch the first round of the draft with a beer in hand.
DON'T -- assume that you can skip watching the 4th through 7th rounds on Saturday. Just because the big name guys are gone, that doesn't mean you can celebrate without watching the monotony. It's not called "Whatever-else-is-on-TV-giving" after all.
DO -- write difficult NFL trivia questions for your partygoers. Here's a good one: Name Philadelphia Eagle who isn't DeSean Jackson. McNabb? Westbrook? Sheldon Brown? Wrong.
DON'T -- Trade your franchise QB for a second-round lineman. That's just straight up dumb.
DO -- Start your official festivities at 11:55 am. Saturday's draft coverage starts at 10 am, but 9:55 am is a little too early to start drinking on any holiday (except Christmas, of course).
DON'T -- buy presents. Have you learned nothing about the spirit of Draftsgiving? If anything, you should probably steal something. How about a franchise QB for a second rounder?
DO -- root for your team to pick Roddick Muckelroy in the 6th round. First, the Texas LB is terribly underrated. Second, it'll confuse everyone at the party.
DON'T -- mention Tim Tebow. Just don't. We've all heard enough already.
One other note: Since every Draftsgiving celebration at Fort Awesome in Maryland so far has featured Donovan McNabb in Philadelphia, we thought it was only right ot move the celebration up to Philly since Donovan is now down here in Mayland. So, if you'll be in the Philly area this weekend, check in with me for more details.
DO -- start drinking on Thursday. Sure, the real celebration still starts Saturday at 11:55 am, but it doesn't hurt to watch the first round of the draft with a beer in hand.
DON'T -- assume that you can skip watching the 4th through 7th rounds on Saturday. Just because the big name guys are gone, that doesn't mean you can celebrate without watching the monotony. It's not called "Whatever-else-is-on-TV-giving" after all.
DO -- write difficult NFL trivia questions for your partygoers. Here's a good one: Name Philadelphia Eagle who isn't DeSean Jackson. McNabb? Westbrook? Sheldon Brown? Wrong.
DON'T -- Trade your franchise QB for a second-round lineman. That's just straight up dumb.
DO -- Start your official festivities at 11:55 am. Saturday's draft coverage starts at 10 am, but 9:55 am is a little too early to start drinking on any holiday (except Christmas, of course).
DON'T -- buy presents. Have you learned nothing about the spirit of Draftsgiving? If anything, you should probably steal something. How about a franchise QB for a second rounder?
DO -- root for your team to pick Roddick Muckelroy in the 6th round. First, the Texas LB is terribly underrated. Second, it'll confuse everyone at the party.
DON'T -- mention Tim Tebow. Just don't. We've all heard enough already.
One other note: Since every Draftsgiving celebration at Fort Awesome in Maryland so far has featured Donovan McNabb in Philadelphia, we thought it was only right ot move the celebration up to Philly since Donovan is now down here in Mayland. So, if you'll be in the Philly area this weekend, check in with me for more details.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fun with baseball trends
As of Tuesday night …
*** 1B Ryan Howard is on pace to drive in 254 runs this year (11 RBI in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 180 RBI in a season.
*** 3B Placido Polanco is on pace to score 231 runs this year (10 runs in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 192 runs in a season.
*** As a team the Phils are on pace to score 1,157 runs this year (50 runs in 7 games). Astoundingly, that would not be a record – The 1894 Boston Beaneaters (real name, not made up) scored 1,220 runs in just 122 games, an amazing 10-runs-per-game average.
*** P J.A. Happ is on pace to win 32 games and not allow a run this season (1 win and 0 earned runs in one start) which would shatter the previous lowest ERA in MLB history, 0.86 (among starters).
*** P Roy Halladay is on pace to win 32 games and strike out 280 batters (2 wins and 17 Ks in two starts) but to lose the Cy Young award to J.A. Happ.
*** The Phillies are on pace to compile a 138-24 record this season, which would shatter the MLB record of 116 wins in a single season.
*** Backup C Brian Schneider is on pace to go hitless for the entire season (0 hits in 6 at bats). He kinda stinks.
*** 1B Ryan Howard is on pace to drive in 254 runs this year (11 RBI in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 180 RBI in a season.
*** 3B Placido Polanco is on pace to score 231 runs this year (10 runs in 7 games) which would shatter the MLB record of 192 runs in a season.
*** As a team the Phils are on pace to score 1,157 runs this year (50 runs in 7 games). Astoundingly, that would not be a record – The 1894 Boston Beaneaters (real name, not made up) scored 1,220 runs in just 122 games, an amazing 10-runs-per-game average.
*** P J.A. Happ is on pace to win 32 games and not allow a run this season (1 win and 0 earned runs in one start) which would shatter the previous lowest ERA in MLB history, 0.86 (among starters).
*** P Roy Halladay is on pace to win 32 games and strike out 280 batters (2 wins and 17 Ks in two starts) but to lose the Cy Young award to J.A. Happ.
*** The Phillies are on pace to compile a 138-24 record this season, which would shatter the MLB record of 116 wins in a single season.
*** Backup C Brian Schneider is on pace to go hitless for the entire season (0 hits in 6 at bats). He kinda stinks.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Blogging my son's first Phillies game
Junior Awesome and I are up in Philly this week visiting Grandpa Awesome, and it just so happens that we've got a lazy Monday afternoon and the defending NL Champion Phillies on TV in their 2010 opening game. Who could ask for anything more?
1st inning -- Only two pitches into the game and Junior Awesome sees his first Jimmy Rollins hit. The excitement is too much; JA spits up a little. He does the same thing when Halladay gives up a run in the bottom of the first, but you can totally tell he's angrier the second time.
2nd inning -- The Phillies broadcast crew says 48 presidents have thrown out the first pitch on opening day. Obama is the 44th president. I can't figure out who those other 4 guys are, or what team George Washington threw out the first pitch for. JA gives me a skeptical look. That, or his diaper is dirty.
3rd inning -- The Washington Natinals are still leading 1-0. Grandpa Awesome wants Halladay traded. I'm wondering if the Phillies can trade for David Akers, so I don't have to pay any attention to football season. JA responds to our pessimism by falling asleep.
4th inning -- Ryan Howard provides the first dinger of Junior's life, scoring Chase and putting the Phillies ahead. We all cheer; JA does a little jig, but that might still be related to the dirty diaper we haven't addressed. Halladay adds an RBI later in the inning, part of an 11-man parade to the plate. I try to explain "batting around" to the kid, but he'd rather chew on his hand.
5th inning -- Halladay already has seven strikeouts; Now we're ordering the little one's Cy Young T-shirt and wondering if the Phillies could win the World Series and Super Bowl this year. They have a better shot than the Eagles.
6th inning -- Honestly, we all fell asleep here. Doesn't look like we missed too much, though.
7th inning -- Junior's nap gets interrupted when Grandpa Awesome and I cheer Placido Palanco's first grand slam of the season. With 6 RBI, he's now on pace for 972 RBI this season. We conservatively estimate the Phillies will score 1,600 runs this season, en route to a 152-10 record. Why not undefeated? That'd be ridiculous.
8th inning -- Quiz time for the little guy. How many of the Phils regular position players have not played in an All-Star game? (just Ruiz). Who was the last Phils' 20-game winner? (Carlton). Why would the Eagles trade away their best QB ever for an unproven fourth-year joke? (money). He goes three-for-three on the questions. Grandpa only gets two right.
9th inning -- Even an 11-1 score can't keep JA from freaking out in the ninth. Originally I thought it was because Danys Baez name is too ridiculous, but the womenfolk return and think he's probably just hungry. I offer Cracker Jack, and they take him away from me. That's OK -- this was a pretty good lesson in what a new fan should expect from his team.
1st inning -- Only two pitches into the game and Junior Awesome sees his first Jimmy Rollins hit. The excitement is too much; JA spits up a little. He does the same thing when Halladay gives up a run in the bottom of the first, but you can totally tell he's angrier the second time.
2nd inning -- The Phillies broadcast crew says 48 presidents have thrown out the first pitch on opening day. Obama is the 44th president. I can't figure out who those other 4 guys are, or what team George Washington threw out the first pitch for. JA gives me a skeptical look. That, or his diaper is dirty.
3rd inning -- The Washington Natinals are still leading 1-0. Grandpa Awesome wants Halladay traded. I'm wondering if the Phillies can trade for David Akers, so I don't have to pay any attention to football season. JA responds to our pessimism by falling asleep.
4th inning -- Ryan Howard provides the first dinger of Junior's life, scoring Chase and putting the Phillies ahead. We all cheer; JA does a little jig, but that might still be related to the dirty diaper we haven't addressed. Halladay adds an RBI later in the inning, part of an 11-man parade to the plate. I try to explain "batting around" to the kid, but he'd rather chew on his hand.
5th inning -- Halladay already has seven strikeouts; Now we're ordering the little one's Cy Young T-shirt and wondering if the Phillies could win the World Series and Super Bowl this year. They have a better shot than the Eagles.
6th inning -- Honestly, we all fell asleep here. Doesn't look like we missed too much, though.
7th inning -- Junior's nap gets interrupted when Grandpa Awesome and I cheer Placido Palanco's first grand slam of the season. With 6 RBI, he's now on pace for 972 RBI this season. We conservatively estimate the Phillies will score 1,600 runs this season, en route to a 152-10 record. Why not undefeated? That'd be ridiculous.
8th inning -- Quiz time for the little guy. How many of the Phils regular position players have not played in an All-Star game? (just Ruiz). Who was the last Phils' 20-game winner? (Carlton). Why would the Eagles trade away their best QB ever for an unproven fourth-year joke? (money). He goes three-for-three on the questions. Grandpa only gets two right.
9th inning -- Even an 11-1 score can't keep JA from freaking out in the ninth. Originally I thought it was because Danys Baez name is too ridiculous, but the womenfolk return and think he's probably just hungry. I offer Cracker Jack, and they take him away from me. That's OK -- this was a pretty good lesson in what a new fan should expect from his team.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
2010 T-shirt suggestions
Baseball season is less than a week away, so it's time for another round of Phillies T-shirts to get you ready for the upcoming season. Feel free to take these to your nearest silk-screening shop to show your Phillies pride.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Phillies phact to ponder
Total weight of the Phillies expected opening day roster: 5,895 pounds
Total weight of the roster, in baseballs: 18,864 baseballs
Total baseballs hit out of the park by the Phils roster last year: 224 HRs
18,864 balls + 224 HRs = 19088
Zip code of Radnor, PA, home of the Phillies Baseball Academy: 19088
Coincidence? I think not.
Total weight of the roster, in baseballs: 18,864 baseballs
Total baseballs hit out of the park by the Phils roster last year: 224 HRs
18,864 balls + 224 HRs = 19088
Zip code of Radnor, PA, home of the Phillies Baseball Academy: 19088
Coincidence? I think not.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Field of 64 ... Philly style
As always, here's a look back at the last year in Philadelphia sports. Click on the image below to see the large version of the madness.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Determining my son's football future based on his first week of life
Actually, if you wait until day seven you're already behind the curve -- most scouts put top prospects through the ringer by day five of life:
Length: 19 inches
Analysis: Good, but not great. For future WRs you want at least 21 inches at birth; For QBs, 20 minimum. Still, many of the best RBs come in well below those marks -- Barry Sanders was famously just 17.2 inches the day he was born.
Grip: Strong (right hand), Strong (left hand)
Analysis: High marks -- exactly what you want to see from a defensive player or an offensive lineman. However, quick developing hand muscles may make becoming a relief pitcher a more attractive option.
Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces
Analysis: Poor. Most lineman, defensive or offensive, are born around 70 pounds. Cowboys DE Leon Lett was actually 90 pounds, 3 ounces at birth. His mother was the Statue of Liberty.
Legs: Two
Analysis: That's the only qualification you need to be a kicker or punter.
Speech: Mostly grunts and belches
Analysis: That was enough to get Andy Reid a head coaching job.
Intangibles: Kicky, stubborn, intense stare
Final analysis: You can't rule out running back until you see his 40-yard-dash times (we'll get to them next week) but initial results point to a hard-hitting player with good ball-hawking skills. Sounds like a safety to me. Anybody got a spare green #20 jersey?
Length: 19 inches
Analysis: Good, but not great. For future WRs you want at least 21 inches at birth; For QBs, 20 minimum. Still, many of the best RBs come in well below those marks -- Barry Sanders was famously just 17.2 inches the day he was born.
Grip: Strong (right hand), Strong (left hand)
Analysis: High marks -- exactly what you want to see from a defensive player or an offensive lineman. However, quick developing hand muscles may make becoming a relief pitcher a more attractive option.
Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces
Analysis: Poor. Most lineman, defensive or offensive, are born around 70 pounds. Cowboys DE Leon Lett was actually 90 pounds, 3 ounces at birth. His mother was the Statue of Liberty.
Legs: Two
Analysis: That's the only qualification you need to be a kicker or punter.
Speech: Mostly grunts and belches
Analysis: That was enough to get Andy Reid a head coaching job.
Intangibles: Kicky, stubborn, intense stare
Final analysis: You can't rule out running back until you see his 40-yard-dash times (we'll get to them next week) but initial results point to a hard-hitting player with good ball-hawking skills. Sounds like a safety to me. Anybody got a spare green #20 jersey?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sorry, no post tonight
I'm busy at the hospital.
In the meantime, why not head over to my flickr page at www.flickr.com/captawesome and see the great t-shirts my sister made.
In the meantime, why not head over to my flickr page at www.flickr.com/captawesome and see the great t-shirts my sister made.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Ways to improve the Olympics
A few quick and simple suggestions for each of the major sports:
Ice Dancing -- Allow body checking
Curling -- Require drinking after each throw
Hockey -- Ban Canada
Women's Hockey -- Ban women
Ski jumping -- Make competitors wear those streamers you used to put on the handlebars of your bike
Biathalon -- Perfect as it is; No improvements needed
Ice Dancing -- Allow body checking
Curling -- Require drinking after each throw
Hockey -- Ban Canada
Women's Hockey -- Ban women
Ski jumping -- Make competitors wear those streamers you used to put on the handlebars of your bike
Biathalon -- Perfect as it is; No improvements needed
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Final thoughts on the 2009 NFL season
For your consideration:
** The Saints won the Super Bowl.
** Tony Romo won a playoff game.
** The Eagles had a Pro Bowl fullback.
** The East Coast is now being buried in the third major snowstorm this season.
If you need further proof that hell has frozen over, I can't give it to you.
-------------------------------------
There are only 74 days left until draftsgiving. Right now, the draft site http://www.draftsite.com/ has the Eagles taking Louisiana Tech DT D'Anthony Smith with the 192nd pick, their final selection of the draft.
That's ridiculous. They could trade all the way down to 220 and still get D'Anthony. And taking him with Utah OG Zane Beadles still on the board? Absurd. I've never read a worse sixth-round projection two months before draft day.
------------------------------------------
Brian Westbrook won't be on the Eagles opening day roster next year. Start getting used to the idea now.
-------------------------------------------
Players who now have a Super Bowl ring, thanks to the Saints win:
** LB Mark Simoneau (former Eagle)
** FB Kyle Eckel (former Eagle)
** CB Malcom Jenkins (Ohio State alum)
** DE Will Smith (Ohio State alum)
** QB Mark Brunell (Yes, that Mark Brunell)
-----------------------------------------
If you put down $10 on each of the Super Bowl prop bets I laid out last week ($60 total) you would have walked away with a $63.10 purse -- a hefty five percent profit. Orange really let me down, however; the Gatorade bath was classic yellow.
** The Saints won the Super Bowl.
** Tony Romo won a playoff game.
** The Eagles had a Pro Bowl fullback.
** The East Coast is now being buried in the third major snowstorm this season.
If you need further proof that hell has frozen over, I can't give it to you.
-------------------------------------
There are only 74 days left until draftsgiving. Right now, the draft site http://www.draftsite.com/ has the Eagles taking Louisiana Tech DT D'Anthony Smith with the 192nd pick, their final selection of the draft.
That's ridiculous. They could trade all the way down to 220 and still get D'Anthony. And taking him with Utah OG Zane Beadles still on the board? Absurd. I've never read a worse sixth-round projection two months before draft day.
------------------------------------------
Brian Westbrook won't be on the Eagles opening day roster next year. Start getting used to the idea now.
-------------------------------------------
Players who now have a Super Bowl ring, thanks to the Saints win:
** LB Mark Simoneau (former Eagle)
** FB Kyle Eckel (former Eagle)
** CB Malcom Jenkins (Ohio State alum)
** DE Will Smith (Ohio State alum)
** QB Mark Brunell (Yes, that Mark Brunell)
-----------------------------------------
If you put down $10 on each of the Super Bowl prop bets I laid out last week ($60 total) you would have walked away with a $63.10 purse -- a hefty five percent profit. Orange really let me down, however; the Gatorade bath was classic yellow.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Actual Super Bowl bets to consider
All bets are based off Bodog.com odds:
** Which team will cross the 50 yard line first?
Bad bet: Colts, $130 bet wins you $230
Good bet: Saints, $100 bet wins you $200
Saints are the home team, and after they win the toss they'll get the ball first.
** First score of the game will be what?
Bad bet: TD, $205 bet wins you $305
Good bet: FG or safety, $100 bet wins you $265
Saints have never been in the Super Bowl, and the Colts often start slow. Expect a short FG on the opening drive.
** What color will the winning team's Gatorade shower be?
Bad bet: Green, $100 bet wins you $700
Good bet: Orange, $100 bet wins you $650
Never bet against orange. Never.
** Which of these players will score first?
Bad bet: Marques Colston, $125 bets wins you $225
Good bet: Pierre Garcon, $105 bet wins you $205
Colston has been an inconsistent red zone performer all year. Garcon is from Haiti, and CBS has probably paid the Colts extra to feature him and his story on Sunday.
** How many times will CBS announcers reference Hurricane Katrina?
Bad bet: Less than 2.5 times, $100 bet wins you $210
Good bet: More than 2.5 times, $140 bet wins you $240
A better bet would be how many times will they reference it in the first five minutes.
** How long will the first TD pass of the game be?
Bad bet: 96 or more yards, $100 bet wins you $1,000
Good bet: Zero, $10 bet wins you $1,500
Yeah, it won't happen. But it's worth the $10.
** Which team will cross the 50 yard line first?
Bad bet: Colts, $130 bet wins you $230
Good bet: Saints, $100 bet wins you $200
Saints are the home team, and after they win the toss they'll get the ball first.
** First score of the game will be what?
Bad bet: TD, $205 bet wins you $305
Good bet: FG or safety, $100 bet wins you $265
Saints have never been in the Super Bowl, and the Colts often start slow. Expect a short FG on the opening drive.
** What color will the winning team's Gatorade shower be?
Bad bet: Green, $100 bet wins you $700
Good bet: Orange, $100 bet wins you $650
Never bet against orange. Never.
** Which of these players will score first?
Bad bet: Marques Colston, $125 bets wins you $225
Good bet: Pierre Garcon, $105 bet wins you $205
Colston has been an inconsistent red zone performer all year. Garcon is from Haiti, and CBS has probably paid the Colts extra to feature him and his story on Sunday.
** How many times will CBS announcers reference Hurricane Katrina?
Bad bet: Less than 2.5 times, $100 bet wins you $210
Good bet: More than 2.5 times, $140 bet wins you $240
A better bet would be how many times will they reference it in the first five minutes.
** How long will the first TD pass of the game be?
Bad bet: 96 or more yards, $100 bet wins you $1,000
Good bet: Zero, $10 bet wins you $1,500
Yeah, it won't happen. But it's worth the $10.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Redrafting the NFL by region
It just seems cruel that the Saints get to the first Super Bowl in team history and have to square off against Peyton Manning, a hometown boy who might be the best QB of the last decade. That got me to think what the NFL might look like if you could only draft local talent.
Here's a look at the starting QBs (and backups) for every NFL team if they looked no further than their own backyards. For some it would be a short search; For others (thanks Broncos) they'd have to search much, much farther away.
Arizona Cardinals
Starter: Ryan Fitzpatrick (Gilbert, AZ)
Backup: Andrew Walter (Phoenix, AZ)
Atlanta Falcons
Starter: Brett Favre (Gulfport, MS)
Backup: Tavarias Jackson (Mongtomery, AL)
Baltimore Ravens
Starter: Michael Vick (Newport News, VA)
Backup: Aaron Brooks (Newport News, VA)
Buffalo Bills
Starter: Gus Ferrotte (Kittanning, PA)
Backup: Chad Henne (West Lawn, PA)
Carolina Panthers
Starter: Chad Pennington (Knoxville, TN)
Backup: Tyler Thigpen (Winnsboro, SC)
Chicago Bears
Starter: Donovan McNabb (Chicago, IL)
Backup: Kurt Warner (Burlington, IA)
Cincinnati Bengals
Starter: Chris Redman (Louisville, KY)
Backup: Jared Lorenzen (Covington, KY)
Cleveland Browns
Starter: Brady Quinn (Columbus, OH)
Backup: Troy Smith (Cleveland, OH)
Dallas Cowboys
Starter: Drew Brees (Austin, TX)
Backup: Josh McCown (Jacksonville, TX)
Denver Broncos
Starter: Jake Plummer (Boise, ID)
Backup: Chad Hutchison (Boulder, CO)
Detroit Lions
Starter: Ben Roethlisberger (Findlay, OH)
Backup: Jim Sorgi (Fraser, MI)
Green Bay Packers
Starter: Sage Rosenfels (Maquoketa, IA)
Backup: Charlie Whitehurst (Green Bay, WI)
Houston Texans
Starter: Vince Young (Houston, TX)
Backup: Kevin Kolb (Victoria, TX)
Indianapolis Colts
Starter: Rex Grossman (Bloomington, IN)
Backup: Rick Mirer (Elkhart, IN)
Jacksonville Jaguars
Starter: Daunte Culpepper (Ocala, FL)
Backup: Brad Johnson (Marietta, GA)
Kansas City Chiefs
Starter: Josh Freeman (Kansas City, MS)
Backup: Shaun Hill (Parsons City, KS)
Miami Dolphins
Starter: Brian Griese (Miami, FL)
Backup: Quinn Gray (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
Minnesota Vikings
Starter: Kyle Orton (Altoona, IA)
Backup: Chris Weinke (St. Paul, MN)
New England Patriots
Starter: Matt Hasselbeck (Westwood, MA)
Backup: Todd Collins (Wapole, MA)
New Orleans Saints
Starter: Peyton Manning (New Orleans, LA)
Backup: Eli Manning (New Orleans, LA)
New York Giants
Starter: David Garrard (East Orange, NJ)
Backup: Dan Orlovsky (Bridgeport, CT)
New York Jets
Starter: Chris Simms (Ridgewood, NJ)
Backup: Jay Fiedler (Oceanside, NY)
Oakland Raiders
Starter: Aaron Rodgers (Chico, CA)
Backup: Carson Palmer (Fresno, CA)
Philadelphia Eagles
Starter: Joe Flacco (Vorhees, NJ)
Backup: Matt Ryan (Exton, PA)
Pittsburgh Steelers
Starter: Matt Schaub (Pittsburg, PA)
Backup: Marc Bulger (Pittsburgh, PA)
San Diego Chargers
Starter: Tony Romo (San Diego, CA)
Backup: Marc Sanchez (Long Beach, CA)
San Francisco 49ers
Starter: Tom Brady (San Mateo, CA)
Backup: Seneca Wallace (Sacramento, CA)
Seattle Seahawks
Starter: Derek Anderson (Portland, OR)
Backup: Alex Smith (Seattle, WA)
St. Louis Rams
Starter: Jay Cutler (Santa Claus, IN)
Backup: Trent Green (St. Louis, MO)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Starter: Matt Stafford (Tampa, FL)
Backup: Jeff Blake (Daytona Beach, FL)
Tennessee Titans
Starter: Phillip Rivers (Decatur, AL)
Backup: Jamarcus Russell (Mobile, AL)
Washington Redskins
Starter: Byron Leftwich (Washington, DC)
Backup: Kerry Collins (Lebanon, PA)
Here's a look at the starting QBs (and backups) for every NFL team if they looked no further than their own backyards. For some it would be a short search; For others (thanks Broncos) they'd have to search much, much farther away.
Arizona Cardinals
Starter: Ryan Fitzpatrick (Gilbert, AZ)
Backup: Andrew Walter (Phoenix, AZ)
Atlanta Falcons
Starter: Brett Favre (Gulfport, MS)
Backup: Tavarias Jackson (Mongtomery, AL)
Baltimore Ravens
Starter: Michael Vick (Newport News, VA)
Backup: Aaron Brooks (Newport News, VA)
Buffalo Bills
Starter: Gus Ferrotte (Kittanning, PA)
Backup: Chad Henne (West Lawn, PA)
Carolina Panthers
Starter: Chad Pennington (Knoxville, TN)
Backup: Tyler Thigpen (Winnsboro, SC)
Chicago Bears
Starter: Donovan McNabb (Chicago, IL)
Backup: Kurt Warner (Burlington, IA)
Cincinnati Bengals
Starter: Chris Redman (Louisville, KY)
Backup: Jared Lorenzen (Covington, KY)
Cleveland Browns
Starter: Brady Quinn (Columbus, OH)
Backup: Troy Smith (Cleveland, OH)
Dallas Cowboys
Starter: Drew Brees (Austin, TX)
Backup: Josh McCown (Jacksonville, TX)
Denver Broncos
Starter: Jake Plummer (Boise, ID)
Backup: Chad Hutchison (Boulder, CO)
Detroit Lions
Starter: Ben Roethlisberger (Findlay, OH)
Backup: Jim Sorgi (Fraser, MI)
Green Bay Packers
Starter: Sage Rosenfels (Maquoketa, IA)
Backup: Charlie Whitehurst (Green Bay, WI)
Houston Texans
Starter: Vince Young (Houston, TX)
Backup: Kevin Kolb (Victoria, TX)
Indianapolis Colts
Starter: Rex Grossman (Bloomington, IN)
Backup: Rick Mirer (Elkhart, IN)
Jacksonville Jaguars
Starter: Daunte Culpepper (Ocala, FL)
Backup: Brad Johnson (Marietta, GA)
Kansas City Chiefs
Starter: Josh Freeman (Kansas City, MS)
Backup: Shaun Hill (Parsons City, KS)
Miami Dolphins
Starter: Brian Griese (Miami, FL)
Backup: Quinn Gray (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
Minnesota Vikings
Starter: Kyle Orton (Altoona, IA)
Backup: Chris Weinke (St. Paul, MN)
New England Patriots
Starter: Matt Hasselbeck (Westwood, MA)
Backup: Todd Collins (Wapole, MA)
New Orleans Saints
Starter: Peyton Manning (New Orleans, LA)
Backup: Eli Manning (New Orleans, LA)
New York Giants
Starter: David Garrard (East Orange, NJ)
Backup: Dan Orlovsky (Bridgeport, CT)
New York Jets
Starter: Chris Simms (Ridgewood, NJ)
Backup: Jay Fiedler (Oceanside, NY)
Oakland Raiders
Starter: Aaron Rodgers (Chico, CA)
Backup: Carson Palmer (Fresno, CA)
Philadelphia Eagles
Starter: Joe Flacco (Vorhees, NJ)
Backup: Matt Ryan (Exton, PA)
Pittsburgh Steelers
Starter: Matt Schaub (Pittsburg, PA)
Backup: Marc Bulger (Pittsburgh, PA)
San Diego Chargers
Starter: Tony Romo (San Diego, CA)
Backup: Marc Sanchez (Long Beach, CA)
San Francisco 49ers
Starter: Tom Brady (San Mateo, CA)
Backup: Seneca Wallace (Sacramento, CA)
Seattle Seahawks
Starter: Derek Anderson (Portland, OR)
Backup: Alex Smith (Seattle, WA)
St. Louis Rams
Starter: Jay Cutler (Santa Claus, IN)
Backup: Trent Green (St. Louis, MO)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Starter: Matt Stafford (Tampa, FL)
Backup: Jeff Blake (Daytona Beach, FL)
Tennessee Titans
Starter: Phillip Rivers (Decatur, AL)
Backup: Jamarcus Russell (Mobile, AL)
Washington Redskins
Starter: Byron Leftwich (Washington, DC)
Backup: Kerry Collins (Lebanon, PA)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Rules for running up the score
Late in Minnesota's playoff win over Dallas on Sunday, the Vikings opted to keep gunning for the end zone despite a comfortable 24-point lead. With Just over three minutes left QB Brett Farve tossed his fourth TD of the game, boosting the score to 34-3 and enraging the Cowboys' sidelines.
Since then, sports talk shows have been debating whether the move was classless or just competition. But so far no one has broken out the definitive answer to the question, the League's own Official Unofficial Rules Rulebook. It covers all the critical parts of the game that fall outside the refs' purview, like end zone celebrations and when it's permissible to smack an offensive lineman's butt.
And, right there in section 301.42, it spells out exactly when piling onto an opponent is allowed. Let's take the points one by one:
Sec 301.42 -- Running up the score
Teams shall not continue to aggressively attempt to pad their margin of victory except under the following circumstances:
1 ~~ That team's playoff berth may be determined by their season-long points total;
Tough to argue that this one could apply to the Vikings. Even though Joe Buck insists that Farve plays every down like his life depends on it, it would have made more sense if the Minnesota coach had benched his starters that late in the game.
2 ~~ Player/Players are attempting to reach a personal milestone;
Vikings WR Sidney Rice had already caught three TDs in the game at that point, and a fourth would have set a new post-season record. But the final TD pass went to TE Visanthe Shiancoe, so that reason is out too.
3 ~~ A team is avenging poor sportsmanship from earlier in the game;
True, being forced to stare at QB Tony Romo's dopey face is considered a cheap shot in many cultures, but it doesn't really rise to poor sportsmanship. Maybe if Dallas had called a late timeout, or kicked a FG with two minutes left just to break up a shutout. But not here.
4 ~~ A team is avenging a cheap shot from a past meeting;
The Vikings lost a heartbreaking playoff matchup to the 'boys in 1975 on a controversial Hail Mary-pass interference play. But the statue of limitations for grudges of a postseason nature, outlined in section 401.77, is only 30 years. So no go there either.
5 ~~ Or, the team being picked on is the Dallas Cowboys.
Oh, OK then. I guess it was all good.
Farve is still a jackass, though.
Since then, sports talk shows have been debating whether the move was classless or just competition. But so far no one has broken out the definitive answer to the question, the League's own Official Unofficial Rules Rulebook. It covers all the critical parts of the game that fall outside the refs' purview, like end zone celebrations and when it's permissible to smack an offensive lineman's butt.
And, right there in section 301.42, it spells out exactly when piling onto an opponent is allowed. Let's take the points one by one:
Sec 301.42 -- Running up the score
Teams shall not continue to aggressively attempt to pad their margin of victory except under the following circumstances:
1 ~~ That team's playoff berth may be determined by their season-long points total;
Tough to argue that this one could apply to the Vikings. Even though Joe Buck insists that Farve plays every down like his life depends on it, it would have made more sense if the Minnesota coach had benched his starters that late in the game.
2 ~~ Player/Players are attempting to reach a personal milestone;
Vikings WR Sidney Rice had already caught three TDs in the game at that point, and a fourth would have set a new post-season record. But the final TD pass went to TE Visanthe Shiancoe, so that reason is out too.
3 ~~ A team is avenging poor sportsmanship from earlier in the game;
True, being forced to stare at QB Tony Romo's dopey face is considered a cheap shot in many cultures, but it doesn't really rise to poor sportsmanship. Maybe if Dallas had called a late timeout, or kicked a FG with two minutes left just to break up a shutout. But not here.
4 ~~ A team is avenging a cheap shot from a past meeting;
The Vikings lost a heartbreaking playoff matchup to the 'boys in 1975 on a controversial Hail Mary-pass interference play. But the statue of limitations for grudges of a postseason nature, outlined in section 401.77, is only 30 years. So no go there either.
5 ~~ Or, the team being picked on is the Dallas Cowboys.
Oh, OK then. I guess it was all good.
Farve is still a jackass, though.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Actual texts from tonight's game
Me: F-ing pathetic. First time the Eagles have ever lost 3 to the boys in a season.
G: I am so angry right now I have no response.
Me: Saddest part is this might be McNabb's last game as an Eagle.
G: Don't care.
G: Andy MUST go.
Me: But he won 11 games this year. And one was even against a team with a winning record.
G: He is unable to fulfill even the most basic coaching duties. It's like expecting an armless five year old to bench press the Sears tower.
Me: As jo said, that's a lot of commitment for a text message.
G: I hate him more than baby Sidney Crosby.
Me: That's a lie.
G: Andy Reid is now positioned right above Lomas Brown and right below Jay Novacheck on my list of hate.
Me: Wait, does that chart go up or down?
G: I hate Novacheck more than Andy. But not by much.
I could give you all context for the baby Sidney Crosby comment, but honestly it's not gonna make this whole thing any less painful.
G: I am so angry right now I have no response.
Me: Saddest part is this might be McNabb's last game as an Eagle.
G: Don't care.
G: Andy MUST go.
Me: But he won 11 games this year. And one was even against a team with a winning record.
G: He is unable to fulfill even the most basic coaching duties. It's like expecting an armless five year old to bench press the Sears tower.
Me: As jo said, that's a lot of commitment for a text message.
G: I hate him more than baby Sidney Crosby.
Me: That's a lie.
G: Andy Reid is now positioned right above Lomas Brown and right below Jay Novacheck on my list of hate.
Me: Wait, does that chart go up or down?
G: I hate Novacheck more than Andy. But not by much.
I could give you all context for the baby Sidney Crosby comment, but honestly it's not gonna make this whole thing any less painful.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Final 2009 fantasy football standings
The pros may be headed into the playoffs, but we’ve come to the end of yet another fantasy season. Before we award the Awesome Cup for the eighth time, lets take a look back at how everyone did (accompanied by pictorial representations of that performance):
Plaxico's attorney (Neal)
Prediction – 3rd place, 2072 pts
Actual – 13th place, 1483.78 pts
It easy to compare Neal’s team to the St. Louis Rams – both teams had dreadful coaching and neither team showed up at all this year. And in 2010 both teams might get dropped into the minor leagues. On the plus side, at least the guy who won the #1 overall pick in the draft didn’t get to win anything else during the year.
Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Prediction – 13th place, 1700 pts
Actual – 12th place, 1803.13 pts
Poor Jeff. Much like the Lions he’s taken up near permanent residence at the bottom of the standings. Uncharacteristically, Jeff made move roster moves this year than all his other seasons combined. Unfortunately, it didn’t help change the inevitable result.
Palin's Death Panels (Jim)
Prediction – 8th place, 1889 pts
Actual – 11th place, 1891.77 pts
It’s always nice to see the Eagles make Steelers fans unhappy, and no one was more upset about Brian Westbrook’s terrible season this year than Jim (except maybe Westy’s remaining brain cells). On the plus side, he’s still having a better two-year run than his team’s namesake…
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah (Bobert)
Prediction – 7th place, 1949 pts
Actual – 10th place, 1967.74 pts
I was right on with my points prediction here, but unfortunately for Bob I underestimated how much it would take to win this league. Not even a doctor could save this team in the end, which is a shame because Bob is the only doctor in the league. Sure, he’s not that kind of doctor, but it really wouldn’t matter.
Bullets over Burress (Joel)
Prediction – 4th place, 2020 pts
Actual – 9th place, 1981.36 pts
I had big expectations for Joel this year, and he did have his best finish in four years. But ninth place is no better than where the Giants finished in the NFC. Should he be proud of that? Do you think Eli Manning’s mom is proud of him? Of course not; He’s only the third best QB in the family.
BetterThanYourTeam (Dad)
Prediction – 9th place, 1850 pts
Actual – 8th place, 2016.37 pts
It was pretty clear from the start Dad was going to finish in the middle of the pack, just a hair worse than where he finished last season. As evidenced by his weekly picks, he never really got ahold of the feel of the league this season. That, and his best RB was Julius Jones. That really screwed him.
Bad Newz Iggles (Champ Mike)
Prediction – 2nd place, 2125 pts
Actual – 7th place, 2115.12 pts
Very disappointing year for the only two-time Awesome Cup champion; QBs David Garrard and Vince Young combined to suck the life out of his team. On the plus side, he still walks away with the best team name of the year, and for that he’ll be awarded our league’s courage award. Because, really, no one has been through more than Mike Vick ... er ... ChampMike.
TMITITW (Heidi)
Prediction – 12th place, 1705 pts
Actual – 6th place, 2132.94 pts
But the second honor of the evening gets taken away from CampMike and wife Heidi, and heads to Fort Awesome. Yes, this is the first year both Jo and I beat ChampMike and Heidi in the standings, proving that even a blind ref gets a holding call right once in a while. So we'll gladly put the Awesome Family Geniuses Trophy up on our mantle for the year.
I heart WRs (Paul)
Prediction – 1st place, 2126 pts
Actual – 5th place, 2145.57 pts
Maybe it was the complexity of his name, maybe it was some late season bad luck, maybe it was the fact that WR Devin Hester kinda sucks. Whatever the reason, Paul just barely misses the coveted top four after a miserable final week after a reasonably successful season. Much like this year’s Denver Broncos, he gets an A for effort but only a C for results.
Suck My Vick (Ant)
Prediction – 11th place, 1800 pts
Actual – 4th place, 2153.25 pts
Holy crap, Anthony finished near the top again. Sure, he somehow drafted RB LaDanian Tomlinson yet again, but it was his TE corps – Dallas Clark and Brent Celek – who helped push him towards the top this year. And for his excellent showing Ant will almost certainly get screwed in next year’s draft order.
Chase Utley's WFCs (Joanner)
Prediction – 5th place, 2001 pts
Actual – 3rd place, 2171.59 pts
Just to be clear – if you finished below this line than you were beaten in football this year by a pregnant woman. There’s no other way to put it. A pregnant woman schooled you in football this year. Joanna matched her best finish ever this year, but it still wasn’t enough to steal away the Fort Awesome individual title because…
ZombieJacko Comeback (me)
Prediction – 6th place, 1950 pts
Actual – 2nd place, 2196.97 pts
You want to know why I picked S Brian Dawkins as the first overall defensive player? Not because of sentimentalism. Not because I thought he’d score the most points. It’s because Dawkins brings leadership to every team he plays on. It wasn’t enough to win it all, but one man never is. But winners always find a way to make it competitive.
Pick Six Dix (New Mike)
Prediction – 10th place, 1825 pts
Actual – Champion, 2384.93 pts
Last year we had our first ever repeat champion, and this year we have our first ever rookie champion. Chalk it up to luck or skill (his first two picks were RB Chris Johnson and QB Tom Brady, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t set his draft order), but the new guy walks away with our highest honor and bragging rights until August. As always, the Awesome Cup comes with a lifetime invitation to Draftsgiving festivities at Fort Awesome and the envy of all your peers.
OK, kids -- That’s it for the fantasy year, but remember I’m still here for the duration of the playoffs and every week after that. And there’s only 109 days left until Draftsgiving, which will be the most exciting day of the year. Except, you know, maybe that whole birth of a son thing scheduled for March. But there isn’t any guarantee of football at that event, so it’s still a toss up.
Plaxico's attorney (Neal)Prediction – 3rd place, 2072 pts
Actual – 13th place, 1483.78 pts
It easy to compare Neal’s team to the St. Louis Rams – both teams had dreadful coaching and neither team showed up at all this year. And in 2010 both teams might get dropped into the minor leagues. On the plus side, at least the guy who won the #1 overall pick in the draft didn’t get to win anything else during the year.
Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)Actual – 12th place, 1803.13 pts
Poor Jeff. Much like the Lions he’s taken up near permanent residence at the bottom of the standings. Uncharacteristically, Jeff made move roster moves this year than all his other seasons combined. Unfortunately, it didn’t help change the inevitable result.
Palin's Death Panels (Jim)Prediction – 8th place, 1889 pts
Actual – 11th place, 1891.77 pts
It’s always nice to see the Eagles make Steelers fans unhappy, and no one was more upset about Brian Westbrook’s terrible season this year than Jim (except maybe Westy’s remaining brain cells). On the plus side, he’s still having a better two-year run than his team’s namesake…
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah (Bobert)Prediction – 7th place, 1949 pts
Actual – 10th place, 1967.74 pts
I was right on with my points prediction here, but unfortunately for Bob I underestimated how much it would take to win this league. Not even a doctor could save this team in the end, which is a shame because Bob is the only doctor in the league. Sure, he’s not that kind of doctor, but it really wouldn’t matter.
Bullets over Burress (Joel)Prediction – 4th place, 2020 pts
Actual – 9th place, 1981.36 pts
I had big expectations for Joel this year, and he did have his best finish in four years. But ninth place is no better than where the Giants finished in the NFC. Should he be proud of that? Do you think Eli Manning’s mom is proud of him? Of course not; He’s only the third best QB in the family.
BetterThanYourTeam (Dad)Prediction – 9th place, 1850 pts
Actual – 8th place, 2016.37 pts
It was pretty clear from the start Dad was going to finish in the middle of the pack, just a hair worse than where he finished last season. As evidenced by his weekly picks, he never really got ahold of the feel of the league this season. That, and his best RB was Julius Jones. That really screwed him.
Bad Newz Iggles (Champ Mike)Prediction – 2nd place, 2125 pts
Actual – 7th place, 2115.12 pts
Very disappointing year for the only two-time Awesome Cup champion; QBs David Garrard and Vince Young combined to suck the life out of his team. On the plus side, he still walks away with the best team name of the year, and for that he’ll be awarded our league’s courage award. Because, really, no one has been through more than Mike Vick ... er ... ChampMike.
TMITITW (Heidi)Prediction – 12th place, 1705 pts
Actual – 6th place, 2132.94 pts
But the second honor of the evening gets taken away from CampMike and wife Heidi, and heads to Fort Awesome. Yes, this is the first year both Jo and I beat ChampMike and Heidi in the standings, proving that even a blind ref gets a holding call right once in a while. So we'll gladly put the Awesome Family Geniuses Trophy up on our mantle for the year.
I heart WRs (Paul)Prediction – 1st place, 2126 pts
Actual – 5th place, 2145.57 pts
Maybe it was the complexity of his name, maybe it was some late season bad luck, maybe it was the fact that WR Devin Hester kinda sucks. Whatever the reason, Paul just barely misses the coveted top four after a miserable final week after a reasonably successful season. Much like this year’s Denver Broncos, he gets an A for effort but only a C for results.
Suck My Vick (Ant)Prediction – 11th place, 1800 pts
Actual – 4th place, 2153.25 pts
Holy crap, Anthony finished near the top again. Sure, he somehow drafted RB LaDanian Tomlinson yet again, but it was his TE corps – Dallas Clark and Brent Celek – who helped push him towards the top this year. And for his excellent showing Ant will almost certainly get screwed in next year’s draft order.
Chase Utley's WFCs (Joanner)Prediction – 5th place, 2001 pts
Actual – 3rd place, 2171.59 pts
Just to be clear – if you finished below this line than you were beaten in football this year by a pregnant woman. There’s no other way to put it. A pregnant woman schooled you in football this year. Joanna matched her best finish ever this year, but it still wasn’t enough to steal away the Fort Awesome individual title because…
ZombieJacko Comeback (me)Prediction – 6th place, 1950 pts
Actual – 2nd place, 2196.97 pts
You want to know why I picked S Brian Dawkins as the first overall defensive player? Not because of sentimentalism. Not because I thought he’d score the most points. It’s because Dawkins brings leadership to every team he plays on. It wasn’t enough to win it all, but one man never is. But winners always find a way to make it competitive.
Pick Six Dix (New Mike)
Prediction – 10th place, 1825 pts
Actual – Champion, 2384.93 pts
Last year we had our first ever repeat champion, and this year we have our first ever rookie champion. Chalk it up to luck or skill (his first two picks were RB Chris Johnson and QB Tom Brady, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t set his draft order), but the new guy walks away with our highest honor and bragging rights until August. As always, the Awesome Cup comes with a lifetime invitation to Draftsgiving festivities at Fort Awesome and the envy of all your peers.
OK, kids -- That’s it for the fantasy year, but remember I’m still here for the duration of the playoffs and every week after that. And there’s only 109 days left until Draftsgiving, which will be the most exciting day of the year. Except, you know, maybe that whole birth of a son thing scheduled for March. But there isn’t any guarantee of football at that event, so it’s still a toss up.
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