Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Final 2009 fantasy football standings

The pros may be headed into the playoffs, but we’ve come to the end of yet another fantasy season. Before we award the Awesome Cup for the eighth time, lets take a look back at how everyone did (accompanied by pictorial representations of that performance):

Plaxico's attorney (Neal)
Prediction – 3rd place, 2072 pts
Actual – 13th place, 1483.78 pts
It easy to compare Neal’s team to the St. Louis Rams – both teams had dreadful coaching and neither team showed up at all this year. And in 2010 both teams might get dropped into the minor leagues. On the plus side, at least the guy who won the #1 overall pick in the draft didn’t get to win anything else during the year.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Prediction – 13th place, 1700 pts
Actual – 12th place, 1803.13 pts
Poor Jeff. Much like the Lions he’s taken up near permanent residence at the bottom of the standings. Uncharacteristically, Jeff made move roster moves this year than all his other seasons combined. Unfortunately, it didn’t help change the inevitable result.

Palin's Death Panels (Jim)
Prediction – 8th place, 1889 pts
Actual – 11th place, 1891.77 pts
It’s always nice to see the Eagles make Steelers fans unhappy, and no one was more upset about Brian Westbrook’s terrible season this year than Jim (except maybe Westy’s remaining brain cells). On the plus side, he’s still having a better two-year run than his team’s namesake…

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah (Bobert)
Prediction – 7th place, 1949 pts
Actual – 10th place, 1967.74 pts
I was right on with my points prediction here, but unfortunately for Bob I underestimated how much it would take to win this league. Not even a doctor could save this team in the end, which is a shame because Bob is the only doctor in the league. Sure, he’s not that kind of doctor, but it really wouldn’t matter.

Bullets over Burress (Joel)
Prediction – 4th place, 2020 pts
Actual – 9th place, 1981.36 pts
I had big expectations for Joel this year, and he did have his best finish in four years. But ninth place is no better than where the Giants finished in the NFC. Should he be proud of that? Do you think Eli Manning’s mom is proud of him? Of course not; He’s only the third best QB in the family.

BetterThanYourTeam (Dad)
Prediction – 9th place, 1850 pts
Actual – 8th place, 2016.37 pts
It was pretty clear from the start Dad was going to finish in the middle of the pack, just a hair worse than where he finished last season. As evidenced by his weekly picks, he never really got ahold of the feel of the league this season. That, and his best RB was Julius Jones. That really screwed him.

Bad Newz Iggles (Champ Mike)
Prediction – 2nd place, 2125 pts
Actual – 7th place, 2115.12 pts
Very disappointing year for the only two-time Awesome Cup champion; QBs David Garrard and Vince Young combined to suck the life out of his team. On the plus side, he still walks away with the best team name of the year, and for that he’ll be awarded our league’s courage award. Because, really, no one has been through more than Mike Vick ... er ... ChampMike.

Prediction – 12th place, 1705 pts
Actual – 6th place, 2132.94 pts
But the second honor of the evening gets taken away from CampMike and wife Heidi, and heads to Fort Awesome. Yes, this is the first year both Jo and I beat ChampMike and Heidi in the standings, proving that even a blind ref gets a holding call right once in a while. So we'll gladly put the Awesome Family Geniuses Trophy up on our mantle for the year.

I heart WRs (Paul)
Prediction – 1st place, 2126 pts
Actual – 5th place, 2145.57 pts
Maybe it was the complexity of his name, maybe it was some late season bad luck, maybe it was the fact that WR Devin Hester kinda sucks. Whatever the reason, Paul just barely misses the coveted top four after a miserable final week after a reasonably successful season. Much like this year’s Denver Broncos, he gets an A for effort but only a C for results.

Suck My Vick (Ant)
Prediction – 11th place, 1800 pts
Actual – 4th place, 2153.25 pts
Holy crap, Anthony finished near the top again. Sure, he somehow drafted RB LaDanian Tomlinson yet again, but it was his TE corps – Dallas Clark and Brent Celek – who helped push him towards the top this year. And for his excellent showing Ant will almost certainly get screwed in next year’s draft order.

Chase Utley's WFCs (Joanner)
Prediction – 5th place, 2001 pts
Actual – 3rd place, 2171.59 pts
Just to be clear – if you finished below this line than you were beaten in football this year by a pregnant woman. There’s no other way to put it. A pregnant woman schooled you in football this year. Joanna matched her best finish ever this year, but it still wasn’t enough to steal away the Fort Awesome individual title because…

ZombieJacko Comeback (me)
Prediction – 6th place, 1950 pts
Actual – 2nd place, 2196.97 pts
You want to know why I picked S Brian Dawkins as the first overall defensive player? Not because of sentimentalism. Not because I thought he’d score the most points. It’s because Dawkins brings leadership to every team he plays on. It wasn’t enough to win it all, but one man never is. But winners always find a way to make it competitive.

Pick Six Dix (New Mike)
Prediction – 10th place, 1825 pts
Actual – Champion, 2384.93 pts
Last year we had our first ever repeat champion, and this year we have our first ever rookie champion. Chalk it up to luck or skill (his first two picks were RB Chris Johnson and QB Tom Brady, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t set his draft order), but the new guy walks away with our highest honor and bragging rights until August. As always, the Awesome Cup comes with a lifetime invitation to Draftsgiving festivities at Fort Awesome and the envy of all your peers.

OK, kids -- That’s it for the fantasy year, but remember I’m still here for the duration of the playoffs and every week after that. And there’s only 109 days left until Draftsgiving, which will be the most exciting day of the year. Except, you know, maybe that whole birth of a son thing scheduled for March. But there isn’t any guarantee of football at that event, so it’s still a toss up.


NewMike said...

May seeing that name etched on the Cup be an inspiration to FF rookies and last draft pickers everywhere.

And while I feel the need to clarify that I did set my draft order, I definitely owe 8 of you for sticking me with my 9th choice, Herr Johnson.

Can't wait for next year.

Capt. Awesome said...

By the way, I forgot to tell you unlike other leagues it's traditional in ours for the winner to send out a check to all the other managers. You don't have to go crazy, $20 each should be fine.

Mike D said...

Nice work this year Capn. Liked all the new graphics & gimmicks & such. A baby won't be an excuse for any drop-off in production value next year. I'm expecting 3D.