Story #7

Calm has market back in business

There's also an audio clip on that page (apparently I can edit audio even in Iraq) and a photo gallery over here. All fun stuff.

Kids write the darndest things

Actual letters from California third graders posted on the wall of this combat outpost:



Dear U.S. Soldiers:
Thank you for helping us to be free and safe. In music class we get to sing funny songs. One song is called the Octopus’ Garden. I hope the war is over soon. From Mary Jane

Dear U.S. Soldiers:
I am in third grade. We are learning multiplication. It is so hard! Here is a joke. How does Elvis pray? Thank you very much! Thank you for fighting for us. From Lea

Dear U.S. Soldiers:
Thanks you for fighting for our country. I live in California. It’s very sunny here. I went to a country club yesterday with my friend and we were playing hide-and-go-seek with my little sister. My friend and I found a hiding spot and my sister never found us. From Nick

Dear U.S. Soldiers:
I am a third grader in California. Thank you for helping us and others to be free and safe. I liked when the Giants won the Super Bowl. My mom won a bet. I forget how much she got. I watched a little bit. From Frank

Dear U.S. Soldiers:
I am very great full that you are saving us and other to have a free and safe land. One time I was at school and we were watching boys play football. Most of them were not very good, so we kept booing. All of the sudden I stood up and my friend Camille pushed me down in front of the game. TMTH! (too much to handle!) From Amanda

They’re in third grade! So it’s thoughtful and hilarious, right?

Story #6

Sons of Iraq shift to new role

Likely another one tomorrow, but I wrote them both days ago. I don't even remember what's in there. It might be about Iraq, or it might be about the Browns chances of making the playoffs.

Fantasy Football Draft recap

The draft is complete, the rosters are set and it’s pretty obvious how this year’s “Who Needs Linebackers” Fantasy football league is going to shake out:

Team: Awesomenicity
Owner: Heidi
Projected points: 1744
Projected finish: Twelfth Place
Heidi, the Bill Belichick of our league, actually looks to have put together a good team: RBs Joseph Addai, Maurice Jones-Drew, Jamal Lewis and QB Carson Palmer should get her started nicely. But I’m projecting her to finish dead last because there’s still a lot of controversy surrounding her suspension last season for performance-enhancing drugs. Just this week the National Fantasy Football Enquirer (one of my favorite papers) had a story alleging that she’s hooked up a Red Bull injection system to her laptop. League officials are looking into the allegations, and who knows if she’ll make it through the season.

Team: Blue Collar Killers
Owner: Jeff
Projected points: 1898
Projected finish: Eleventh place
There’s no reason this team can’t rack up the points: RB Marion Barber, WR Plaxico Burress, TE Chris Cooley, CB Allen Rossum, QB Eli Manning, and RB Jerious Norwood all could push Jeff’s team to the top. But I hate all those players, so I hope they don’t. Especially that Jerious Norwood. Get a real name, you bum.

Team: Fulvnuts
Owner: Anthony
Projected points: 1988
Projected finish: Tenth place
Look, I love Westbrook. You love Westbrook. We all love Westbrook. But he’s not the top fantasy player in the league. So when Ant decided to make Westy the top pick instead of LaDanian Tomlinson or Adrian Peterson, he dropped his chances of winning the league from fairly high to near zero. Add in the fact that he didn’t draft a wideout until round 9 (Bryant Johnson is his top receiver?) and you’ve got the markings of a rough team. On the plus side, with Westy and McNabb leading his squad, he’ll either be really happy or really pissed every Sunday.

Team: Porkchop Express
Owner: Neal
Projected points: 2005
Projected finish: Ninth place
This team has it all: RBs Clinton Portis and Edgerrin James, WRs Torry Holt and Chris Chambers, QBs Marc Bulger and Jeff Garcia, TEs Tony Gonzalez and Alge Crumpler. They’re all solid performers in the prime of their careers who should be able to push Neal towards the top. Wait, it’s still 2003, right? No? It’s 2008 now? Oh. Nevermind.

(I know, I pull this same joke out every year, but there’s always one team that fits it and it’s still funny to me, so….)

Team: Team Name
Owner: Paul
Projected points: 2077
Projected finish: Eighth place
Paul last year adopted the Siegel Strategy (patent pending) and parlayed a mess of good wideouts and two great QBs into a league win. And while his corps of wideouts are again great (Wayne, Boldin, C.Johnson, Lee Evans) his RB corps of injured Earnest Graham, Selvin Young and that Ricky Williams makes me doubt he can finish in the top half again. Plus, nobody likes QB Jay Cutler, and backup QB Kurt Warner hasn’t won anything since 2001.

Team: Farve’s in Charge
Owner: Joel
Projected points: 2111
Projected finish: Seventh place
There’s something about this team I like, even though it’s WR heavy and has no real QB (David Garrard and Jake Delhomme? Why not just draft a Detmer?) But WRs Steve Smith and Larry Fitzgerald, paired with RB Steven Jackson, should keep Joel in the thick of things until the end of the season. Then, much like the Garrard-lead Jaguars, they’ll suddenly collapse and slip out of contention.

Team: Arena Bowl Champions
Owner: Jo
Projected points: 2154
Projected finish: Sixth place
This team has great QBs (Brady and Farve) and RBs (LJ, Michael Turner and Darren McFadden) and nothing for receivers. I mean nothing. Having both Eagles wideouts (Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown) is bad enough, but Roddy White? David Patten? Five bucks says Coach doesn’t even know what team those players are on. That said, Tom Brady’s 754 TD passes this year as the Patsies go 18-1 again should be enough to keep her near the top.

Team: Name (Coming Soon)
Owner: Mike
Projected points: 2204
Projected finish: Fifth place
When you look at Mike’s roster of QB Peyton Manning, WRs Randy Moss and TJ Whoseyourmama, and RB Reggie Bush, one big question jumps out: Is Mike’s team name actually coming soon? Because it’s been two weeks already, and we’re still stuck with that temporary fill in. Usually he’s among the frontrunners for team name of the year, but right now the best we’ve got are Fulvnuts and Cindy McCain’s Botox, and while amusing they aren’t top-flight material. It’s not an exaggeration to call it the biggest question in the NFL this year, more compelling than the Farve saga and 100 Super Bowls combined.

Team: Ice Road Truckers
Owner: Dad
Projected points: 2394
Projected finish: Fourth place
Dad, you’ve got a good team (RB Adrian Peterson, QB Matt Hasselbeck). A few points:
-- That Roy Williams is the Detroit wideout, not the Cowboys CB. Don’t cut him.
-- RB Julius Jones doesn’t play for the Cowboys anymore. Don’t cut him.
-- TE Jeremy Shockey doesn’t play for the Giants anymore. Don’t cut him.
-- Yes, RB Brandon Jacobs plays for the Giants, but he’s good. Don’t cut him.
-- Amani Toomer stinks. Go ahead and cut him, and pick up DeSean Jackson. You don’t have any Eagles on the team right now.

Team: Madden hearts NY
Owner: Capt. Awesome
Projected points: 2467
Projected finish: Third place
I’m either going to have a great fantasy year or a miserable one, because seven of the 17 players on my team are the same as my pay league. Among the notables in both are QBs Derek Anderson and John Kitna, the Chicago D, RB Ronnie Brown and K David Akers. So either I’ve perfected the Yahoo draft system in just my seventh year doing this, or I’ve screwed myself terrible. On the plus side, Anthony’s love of Westy nets me LT for a second year in a row, which is very nice…

Team: Cindy McCain’s Botox
Owner: Jim
Projected points: 2500
Projected finish: Second place
If you’re going to follow the Siegel Strategy (patent pending) you’ve got to do it right, and nobody out-Jims Jim at it. He spent the first half of his draft grabbing solid WRs like Welker and Holmes and the second half stealing serviceable RBs like Lendale White and Chris Brown. Throw in a Pittsburg D and his strong second-place finish last year, and he should make another run in 2008. However, we’ll all be rooting against him, since the squad is anchored by stinking Romo and even-more-stinking T.O.

Team: The Moravians
Owner: Bob
Projected points: 2501
Projected finish: First place
Bob had the most balanced draft of anyone (RB-WR-RB-QB-WR-WR…) and boasts a starting lineup of QB Drew Brees, RBs Frank Gore and Willie Parker, and WR Andre Johnson that should net him a boatload of points. He managed to grab Parker’s backup as an insurance policy, and has a solid string of secondary receivers in Todd Heap, Dwayne Bow and Bernard Berrian. So all of that, coupled with my feeling that he could win it all, should absolutely promise that he finishes no higher than eighth place. But we’ll put him up here anyways, because it’ll be a lot funnier when he crashes and burns.

OK, kids – scoring starts next week. I’ve got no advice for you on the defensive players, other than to say that I wouldn’t put all my money on DE Jerome McDougle. Just a hunch.

Story #5

Officials contemplate future base moves

They've got a better headline on that in the paper, but I'm too lazy to go back and re-read what it was. But the story is a long one.

Story #4

Commander urges Iraqis to wear helmets

More to come, if they ever give me time to write this stuff up...

Trip to the DVD store

Iraqi bootleg "12 in 1 comedy collection, vol. 16" includes:

** Animal House
** Police Academy 1
** Police Academy 2
** Police Academy 3
** Police Academy 4
** Police Academy 5
** Police Academy 6
** From Justin To Kelly
** Four movies I've never heard of

Sounds like it should be in the horror category instead. I mean, the horror DVD I picked up has Hot Shots 1 and 2 on it, and it's less scary than everything except Animal House on the comedy one...

Stories 2 and 3

Mass homecoming causes hope, headaches

Reporter's Notebook: Cook, volleyball

The notebook was supposed to run yesterday, but got backed up. Don't expect two every day.

Actual dinner menu tonight

++ Salad*
++ Rib-eye Steak
++ Breaded Shrimp
++ Lobster Claws*
++ Rice Pilaf
++ Taco Platter*
++ Pineapple/fruit medley
++ Blueberry pound cake
++ Dirt**

* -- Offered, not eaten
** -- After-dinner, non-optional snack.

What are you people doing?

On Aug. 11 I asked all of you to take care of the Eagles and Phillies while I was gone. Since then:

-- The Phils are batting somewhere around .200.
-- They've dropped 3.5 games in the standings.
-- WR Kevin Curtis got injured.
-- You killed S Brian Dawkins.
-- The U.S. baseball team lost its chance at a gold medal.
-- QB Donovan McNabb threw up (probably).

I don't know what you all are doing back there, but stop it. I've got 30 days left until I get back. Just stop it.

Story #1

Calm highway signals change

About time I did some real work...

You know what hurts?

My sports hernia. Apparently it's fashionable right now. All the Philly athletes are having problems with it.

Remember 10 years ago when I called for the whole Eagles training staff to be fired? Did anyone listen?

And still a few more hours to go...

Dirt counts as an "other," right?

Seeking advice

Here's the situation: I'm trying to drop some extra weight from my bags because I have to carry everything I own for significant distances as I move from place to place.

Among the items that that I want to throw away is my old copy of Sports Illustrated, which I finished reading two days ago. But the problem is the cover:



So, if I toss it in a foreign dumpster is that bad luck? I wouldn't have to ask if it were the Eagles (because under pro football rules it clearly would be a jinx) but with college rules I'm never sure...

By the way, there's a big old Michican flag on the wall in the building I stayed in last night. That has to be bad luck.

So far today

130am -- land in Baghdad, get told I'll need to hop on another flight to get registered.

330am -- give up on next flight coming before morning, go in search of a bed and a shower.

430am -- find both.

730am -- get up, eat a leisurely breakfast.

830am -- wander back towards the airport terminal.

917am -- arrive at airport terminal.

918am -- get told I'm scheduled for a flight leaving in 30 seconds.

919am -- follow my escort (sprinting) across the runway towards the helicopters.

920am -- get seated in helicopter, wait for crew to close the side door.

921am -- make mental note to launch an in-depth investigation on why there isn't enough military funding to put side doors on these things.

922am -- take off. Get my first view of Baghdad from 400 feet above the ground. It looks very dusty, but that might have something to do with the helicopter.

950am -- arrive at destination. Wait for next escort.

1145am -- escort arrives. Glad I rushed for that flight.

1200pm -- arrive at destination (for today, another flight tomorrow). Realize it's only noon...

Fantasy draft results

Inspired by NBC’s coverage of the Olympics, the annual fantasy league draft was held earlier this week but isn’t being aired until today to maximize the viewing audience.

First, a few changes in the league this year: We’re supposed to have 13 teams, which means playing two defenses each week is out. Instead, we’ll start one D and one individual defensive player, with similar scoring for sacks, picks and other key plays. The first defensive player doesn’t make the automated rankings until 250, so it shouldn’t screw up the draft too much as long as you don’t move a bunch of guys up. There are a few minor scoring changes too, but you’ll have to check them on your own – nothing major, though.

And without further ado, the bottom of the draft starts with the top of the standings last year:

13 – Team Name (Paul, league champion)
12 – Cindy McCain’s Botox (Jim)
11 – Porkchop Express (Neal)
10 – Arena Bowl Champions (Jo)
As always, Jim gets the early lead for best team name. Everyone else goes into the hat and the next name pulled out is…

9 – Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Tough break for Jeff, who was great two years ago and not so good last year. But at least he has some team name consistency. Next team pulled is…

8 – Team coming soon? (Eric)
That’s not Eric’s team name – I’m pretty sure he wants in, but due to travel restrictions I haven’t been able to go over to his house and physically force him into signing up. So we’ll give him two more weeks, and if he gets in he’ll be slotted here. If not, everybody above gets a bonus. Next name…

7 – The Moravians (Bob)
Bob should have gotten a better draw for being one of the first to sign up. Unfortunately, this is a cruel world, and the hat says otherwise. Next squad…

6 – Name Coming Soon (Mike)
That’s the second nameless team. I know it’s still preseason, but you folks gotta step it up and stop playing like the Eagles starters. Yes, all the way across the ocean I could feel them suck. A fake FG? Really? Let’s just move on to…

5 – Awesomenicity (Heidi)
Back from her one-year suspension for use of a banned substance, Heidi is looking to reclaim her dominance and gets a draft pick that will almost assuredly end up being Tom Brady, who I have heard from sources routinely snorts banned substances before games. Very good sources. Next comes…

4 – Farve’s in Charge (Joel)
Joel’s blatant rip off of my old team name (The Minnesota Farves) reminds me that my name hasn’t come out of the hat yet, after last year’s very suspicious but totally on the up-and-up first overall pick. I express my concern to Jo, who makes baseless attacks on my character even though she’s pulling out the names. And the next one out is …

3 – Ice Road Truckers (Dad)
Just an FYI: Alex from this popular History Channel series is actually in Yahoo’s draft order, in slot 10,233, right before WR Greg Lewis at 10,234 and a block of cheese at 10,235. Make sure you go in and move the cheese up one spot, because it has more talent. Next name is…

2 – Madden hearts NY (Me)
Oh, thank gawd. I couldn’t win with the first pick last year, but maybe with Adrian Peterson things will turn out better. Then again, I’m going to miss most of the games the first three weeks, so y’all can probably snow me with some bad trades early on.

So all that leaves …

1 – Fulvnuts (Ant)
Again? Second time in three years that Fulvnuts over there gets LT? I’ve got to rework this draft system next year…

That’s it, kids. Let’s call the draft date Aug. 28 and start the festivities in week one. Any questions, email me and I’ll mock you and your Shawn Andrews-like confusion.

May the best team win, as long as that’s my team.

And we're off

Flights so far this trip: 1
Flights anticipated in the next 48 hours: 3
Chances they'll all be on time: 0

UPDATE, 6:48 am: Scratch that, start anticipating flights tomorrow afternoon instead.

Thoughts after an eight-hour plane ride and the start of preparations for a month in 130-degree Baghdad

Stupid Phillies.

Here we go again

First the awesome news – If I haven’t told you about it yet, please go here and here.

Pretty cool, huh? I’m really full of myself right now.

Then the less awesome news – I’m flying out to Germany this Wednesday, and I’ll be going into Iraq a few days later.

All of you know the deal: Every two years or so, every reporter who works at my paper spends six weeks downrange to report on the troops (that's what we do after all) and what's going on there. It’s not why I took the job, it’s not my favorite thing to do, but it is important work. And as I told Bobert’s mom this weekend, if they sent someone else the writing wouldn’t be as good, because I’m awesome.

I’m scheduled back in the states on Sept. 23, which means I’ll be gone for three Eagles games and a bunch of critical Phillies match-ups. Both teams will still be in first when I leave the country. You all are in charge of keeping it that way.

I’ll have email and I’ll plan on updating the blog again, although circumstances and reliable internet access could limit that. I’ll try and do my weekly NFL wrap ups for my three fans out there (thanks, moms!) but it’ll probably be a little different than in the past. But say a prayer and keep your fingers crossed and I’ll be back before anyone notices I’m gone.

And this all means it’ll be that much sweeter when I win the fantasy football league, because I’ll be able to say I’m awesome no matter what continent I’m on.

All of you stay safe until I get back, and start planning a late Labor Day party for the end of September.

Pre-traveling travels

Highlights of Elkhart, Indiana.


...


Well, there's, ....


...


hmmm.

I'll explain soon, kids. In the meantime, here's something fun from the weekend, in case you missed it.