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Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Future promise
A closer look at the Eagles 2008 draft picks:
Trevor Laws
DT, Notre Dame, 2nd Round
Reaction from everyone at the Draftsgiving party: “Wow, a D-lineman? That’s a surprise. At least Notre Dame had a great year last year.”
DeSean Jackson
WR/KR, California, 2nd Round
I’m not going to talk about him – I’m afraid if we make too much noise Andy will notice that he drafted a fast wideout with ball handling skills and immediately trade him away.
Bryan Smith
DE, McNeese State, 3rd Round
Here’s the ESPN description of Smith: “He is vastly undersized for a defensive end, so teams will look to run at him and exploit that weakness when he's on the field. As a result, he's probably never going to be an every-down player.” Sounds great to me.
Michael McGlynn
OG, Pittsburgh, 4th Round
Six-foot-four, 311 pounds is still just an appetizer for Andy’s insatiable offensive lineman appetite.
Quintin Demps
FS, Texas El-Paso, 4th Round
Demps was the best safety available in the draft this year. Don’t believe me? Two years ago, while still in college, Eagles QB Kevin Kolb threw only four picks during his senior season. Demps had two of those interceptions. And we know Da Birds think Kolb is awesome, so Demps is at least half as great as he is.
Jack Ikegwuonu
CB, Wisconsin, 4th Round
A quick timeline of the life of Jackie I:
-- He catches the eyes of scouts with a tremendous sophomore season
-- He’s arrested with his brother and charged with felony theft for an alleged robbery
-- He has a sub-par junior season but decides to enter the draft anyway
-- He blows out his ACL and MCL while training, and won’t play in 2008
-- He hires Drew Rosenhaus as an agent
Why, oh why, did the Eagles draft him again?
Michael Gibson
OG, California, 6th Round
He was brought in solely to translate for DeSean from California to East Coast. “Ohmigawd” turns into “Yo” and “Fajitas” means “Cheesesteaks.”
Joe Mays
LB, North Dakota State, 6th Round
The Eagles draft defensive ends to play linebacker, so I can only assume that Mays was drafted to play cornerback or shortstop or something.
Andrew Studebaker
DE, Wheaton, 6th Round
The Wheaton Thunder beat powerhouses like Albion, Hope, Millikin and Elmhurst, but their bid for an undefeated season ended when they lost their final two games against Carthage and Illinois Wesleyan. But with that kind of competition, he’s clearly ready to face the Giants and Cowboys.
King Dunlap
OT, Auburn, 7th Round
Dude is 6-foot-9 and has already been named the Sixers starting power forward next season. So I'm not making fun of him for being named after a set of luxury tires.
Trevor Laws
DT, Notre Dame, 2nd Round
Reaction from everyone at the Draftsgiving party: “Wow, a D-lineman? That’s a surprise. At least Notre Dame had a great year last year.”
DeSean Jackson
WR/KR, California, 2nd Round
I’m not going to talk about him – I’m afraid if we make too much noise Andy will notice that he drafted a fast wideout with ball handling skills and immediately trade him away.
Bryan Smith
DE, McNeese State, 3rd Round
Here’s the ESPN description of Smith: “He is vastly undersized for a defensive end, so teams will look to run at him and exploit that weakness when he's on the field. As a result, he's probably never going to be an every-down player.” Sounds great to me.
Michael McGlynn
OG, Pittsburgh, 4th Round
Six-foot-four, 311 pounds is still just an appetizer for Andy’s insatiable offensive lineman appetite.
Quintin Demps
FS, Texas El-Paso, 4th Round
Demps was the best safety available in the draft this year. Don’t believe me? Two years ago, while still in college, Eagles QB Kevin Kolb threw only four picks during his senior season. Demps had two of those interceptions. And we know Da Birds think Kolb is awesome, so Demps is at least half as great as he is.
Jack Ikegwuonu
CB, Wisconsin, 4th Round
A quick timeline of the life of Jackie I:
-- He catches the eyes of scouts with a tremendous sophomore season
-- He’s arrested with his brother and charged with felony theft for an alleged robbery
-- He has a sub-par junior season but decides to enter the draft anyway
-- He blows out his ACL and MCL while training, and won’t play in 2008
-- He hires Drew Rosenhaus as an agent
Why, oh why, did the Eagles draft him again?
Michael Gibson
OG, California, 6th Round
He was brought in solely to translate for DeSean from California to East Coast. “Ohmigawd” turns into “Yo” and “Fajitas” means “Cheesesteaks.”
Joe Mays
LB, North Dakota State, 6th Round
The Eagles draft defensive ends to play linebacker, so I can only assume that Mays was drafted to play cornerback or shortstop or something.
Andrew Studebaker
DE, Wheaton, 6th Round
The Wheaton Thunder beat powerhouses like Albion, Hope, Millikin and Elmhurst, but their bid for an undefeated season ended when they lost their final two games against Carthage and Illinois Wesleyan. But with that kind of competition, he’s clearly ready to face the Giants and Cowboys.
King Dunlap
OT, Auburn, 7th Round
Dude is 6-foot-9 and has already been named the Sixers starting power forward next season. So I'm not making fun of him for being named after a set of luxury tires.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
36 hours of bliss
I hope you were paying attention this weekend, because we got to experience a rarity in Philadelphia sports: 36 straight hours of unadulterated, positive news.
Friday, 9:30 p.m. -- The Sixers put the finishing touches on a 20-point drubbing of the second-seeded Pistons in the biggest upset of the NBA playoffs this year.
Friday, 10 p.m. -- Phillies closer Brad Lidge pitches a perfect ninth inning to stop a Pirates comeback and lead the good guys to a 6-5 victory.
Saturday, 10 a.m. -- Eagles CB Lito Sheppard still not traded.
Saturday, 3 p.m. -- Awesome Cup champion Kid SmartyPants arrives at the annual Draftsgiving party in an Eagles shirt, in a bid to share his winning touch with the team.
Saturday, 5 p.m. -- In lieu of picking an O-lineman, the Eagles trade their first-round pick to Carolina for their 2009 first-rounder and two more 2008 picks.
Saturday, 7:15 p.m. -- Phillies 1B Ryan Howard hits a first-inning, two-run homer to break out of a personal slump and help lead the Phils to a 8-4 victory.
Saturday, 8 p.m. -- Two picks after drafting yet another defensive tackle, the Eagles draft WR/KR DeSean Jackson, who was projected to go hours earlier.
Saturday, 10 p.m. -- The Flyers finish off their upset win over the top-seeded Canadiens, their first win this season over Montreal.
Sunday, 12 a.m. -- Eagles CB Lito Sheppard still not traded.
Sunday, 10:30 a.m. -- ESPN announces the Eagles in the third-round drafted DE Bryan Smith, a player "vastly undersized for a defensive end," thus ending the string of good news.
But if you were going to ask for nothing but good news for Philly teams, you couldn't pick a better day than Draftsgiving.
Friday, 9:30 p.m. -- The Sixers put the finishing touches on a 20-point drubbing of the second-seeded Pistons in the biggest upset of the NBA playoffs this year.
Friday, 10 p.m. -- Phillies closer Brad Lidge pitches a perfect ninth inning to stop a Pirates comeback and lead the good guys to a 6-5 victory.
Saturday, 10 a.m. -- Eagles CB Lito Sheppard still not traded.
Saturday, 3 p.m. -- Awesome Cup champion Kid SmartyPants arrives at the annual Draftsgiving party in an Eagles shirt, in a bid to share his winning touch with the team.
Saturday, 5 p.m. -- In lieu of picking an O-lineman, the Eagles trade their first-round pick to Carolina for their 2009 first-rounder and two more 2008 picks.
Saturday, 7:15 p.m. -- Phillies 1B Ryan Howard hits a first-inning, two-run homer to break out of a personal slump and help lead the Phils to a 8-4 victory.
Saturday, 8 p.m. -- Two picks after drafting yet another defensive tackle, the Eagles draft WR/KR DeSean Jackson, who was projected to go hours earlier.
Saturday, 10 p.m. -- The Flyers finish off their upset win over the top-seeded Canadiens, their first win this season over Montreal.
Sunday, 12 a.m. -- Eagles CB Lito Sheppard still not traded.
Sunday, 10:30 a.m. -- ESPN announces the Eagles in the third-round drafted DE Bryan Smith, a player "vastly undersized for a defensive end," thus ending the string of good news.
But if you were going to ask for nothing but good news for Philly teams, you couldn't pick a better day than Draftsgiving.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Draftsgiving trivia
It's that time of year, kids -- Are you ready?
Scoring:
19-20 points -- Indianapolis Colts
12-18 points -- Tennessee Titans
7-11 points --- Philadelphia Eagles
1-6 points ---- Washington Redskins
Zero points --- Minnesota Vikings
Scoring:
19-20 points -- Indianapolis Colts
12-18 points -- Tennessee Titans
7-11 points --- Philadelphia Eagles
1-6 points ---- Washington Redskins
Zero points --- Minnesota Vikings
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Footbaaaaalllllll
Eagles schedule is out today; Here's what it looks like:
Week 1 ---- Sunday, Sep 7 ---- vs Rams ---- 100pm
Last time they played the Rams on opening day, Eagles FB Cecil Martin had two TD catches … and Philly lost in OT.
Week 2 ---- Monday, Sep 15 ---- at Cowboys ---- 830pm
McNabb is 6-2 his last eight trips into the belly of the beast.
Week 3 ---- Sunday, Sep 21 ---- vs Steelers ---- 415pm
The inter-state rivalry hasn't taken place in Philly since 1997, even though the Eagles have played in Pitt twice since then. How come?
Week 4 ---- Sunday, Sep 28 ---- at Bears ---- 815pm
Maybe this year it'll only be a 90-yard game losing TD drive ...
Week 5 ---- Sunday, Oct 5 ---- vs DC ---- 100pm
The racial slurs' best record in the last decade? 10-6 in 1999.
Week 6 ---- Sunday, Oct 12 ---- at 49ers ---- 415pm
Who are you more excited to see: S Michael Lewis or QB Trent Dilfer?
Week 7 ---- Bye
That's a loss.
Week 8 ---- Sunday, Oct 26 ---- vs Falcons ---- 100pm
Now starting at QB ... Jeff George? Would it be worse?
Week 9 ---- Sunday, Nov 2 ---- at Seahawks ---- 415pm
That’s the fifth time in eight years they’ll play Seattle; They’re 2-2 so far.
Week 10 ---- Sunday, Nov 9 ---- vs Giants ---- 815pm
The Iggles don't play their closest rival until November -- Eli should be in full INT form by then.
Week 11 ---- Sunday, Nov 16 ---- at Bengals ---- 100pm
Prediction: After the game, Cincy WR Chad Johnson tries to sneak out of town on the Eagles' bus.
Week 12 ---- Sunday, Nov 23 ---- at Ravens ---- 100pm
This will be McNabb’s first game playing against his old team. Wait, they didn’t trade him to Baltimore? But ESPN said … nevermind.
Week 13 ---- Thursday, Nov 27 ---- vs Cardinals ---- 815pm
Da Birds are 3-1 on Thanksgiving, including a 27-0 shutout of the Cowboys in 1989.
Week 14 ---- Sunday, Dec 7 ---- at Giants ---- 100pm
Pearl Harbor Day up in New York. Nice.
Week 15 ---- Monday, Dec 15 ---- vs Browns ---- 830pm
I’m getting my "TO has BO sign" ready for this game, because it was them edumecated Browns fans who broke it out for the first time in 2004.
Week 16 ---- Sunday, Dec 21 ---- at DC ---- 100pm
Worst stadium I've ever been in, hands down. And I watched a little league game in Chile last week.
Week 17 ---- Sunday, Dec 28 ---- vs Cowboys ---- 100pm
Why must the NFL always ruin the holidays by scheduling an Eagles/Cowboys game in late December?
That's a weird schedule, kids; one back-to-back road trip, no back-to-back home games all year long. Right now you could convince me they're going 12-4 or 4-12, which sounds disturbingly like another 8-8 season.
Week 1 ---- Sunday, Sep 7 ---- vs Rams ---- 100pm
Last time they played the Rams on opening day, Eagles FB Cecil Martin had two TD catches … and Philly lost in OT.
Week 2 ---- Monday, Sep 15 ---- at Cowboys ---- 830pm
McNabb is 6-2 his last eight trips into the belly of the beast.
Week 3 ---- Sunday, Sep 21 ---- vs Steelers ---- 415pm
The inter-state rivalry hasn't taken place in Philly since 1997, even though the Eagles have played in Pitt twice since then. How come?
Week 4 ---- Sunday, Sep 28 ---- at Bears ---- 815pm
Maybe this year it'll only be a 90-yard game losing TD drive ...
Week 5 ---- Sunday, Oct 5 ---- vs DC ---- 100pm
The racial slurs' best record in the last decade? 10-6 in 1999.
Week 6 ---- Sunday, Oct 12 ---- at 49ers ---- 415pm
Who are you more excited to see: S Michael Lewis or QB Trent Dilfer?
Week 7 ---- Bye
That's a loss.
Week 8 ---- Sunday, Oct 26 ---- vs Falcons ---- 100pm
Now starting at QB ... Jeff George? Would it be worse?
Week 9 ---- Sunday, Nov 2 ---- at Seahawks ---- 415pm
That’s the fifth time in eight years they’ll play Seattle; They’re 2-2 so far.
Week 10 ---- Sunday, Nov 9 ---- vs Giants ---- 815pm
The Iggles don't play their closest rival until November -- Eli should be in full INT form by then.
Week 11 ---- Sunday, Nov 16 ---- at Bengals ---- 100pm
Prediction: After the game, Cincy WR Chad Johnson tries to sneak out of town on the Eagles' bus.
Week 12 ---- Sunday, Nov 23 ---- at Ravens ---- 100pm
This will be McNabb’s first game playing against his old team. Wait, they didn’t trade him to Baltimore? But ESPN said … nevermind.
Week 13 ---- Thursday, Nov 27 ---- vs Cardinals ---- 815pm
Da Birds are 3-1 on Thanksgiving, including a 27-0 shutout of the Cowboys in 1989.
Week 14 ---- Sunday, Dec 7 ---- at Giants ---- 100pm
Pearl Harbor Day up in New York. Nice.
Week 15 ---- Monday, Dec 15 ---- vs Browns ---- 830pm
I’m getting my "TO has BO sign" ready for this game, because it was them edumecated Browns fans who broke it out for the first time in 2004.
Week 16 ---- Sunday, Dec 21 ---- at DC ---- 100pm
Worst stadium I've ever been in, hands down. And I watched a little league game in Chile last week.
Week 17 ---- Sunday, Dec 28 ---- vs Cowboys ---- 100pm
Why must the NFL always ruin the holidays by scheduling an Eagles/Cowboys game in late December?
That's a weird schedule, kids; one back-to-back road trip, no back-to-back home games all year long. Right now you could convince me they're going 12-4 or 4-12, which sounds disturbingly like another 8-8 season.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Buying souvenirs
When you're buying souvenirs, you want to avoid getting something cheap and crappy and find a keepsake that says something about where you were, what the local culture stands for, and adds value to your home.
What I'm saying is, this tidbit I picked up in Ecuador is the perfect souvenir:
$1.50 from a street vendor. All the subtitles are in Spanish, and I'm not sure the whole movie is there, but how can you go wrong?
What I'm saying is, this tidbit I picked up in Ecuador is the perfect souvenir:
$1.50 from a street vendor. All the subtitles are in Spanish, and I'm not sure the whole movie is there, but how can you go wrong?
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Only in ... Santiago?
From a Chilean Little League game yesterday, looking down the first base line.
OK, so he's an American who was born in South Philly, but still....
OK, so he's an American who was born in South Philly, but still....
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
An excerpt from my book
Titled 'my life and times' and scheduled for release in 2030...
Two years earlier I had celebrated America's birthday by watching Italy play soccer at a Mexican restaurant in Germany. But as I stood there in Chile, with a dozen local children packed into a C17 while a group of Air National Guardsmen butchered 'Sweet child of mine' on some acoustic guitars, I realized my work had ceased to make any sense.
I'm traveling again, kids. I'll post more when I can, but internet options are iffy.
Two years earlier I had celebrated America's birthday by watching Italy play soccer at a Mexican restaurant in Germany. But as I stood there in Chile, with a dozen local children packed into a C17 while a group of Air National Guardsmen butchered 'Sweet child of mine' on some acoustic guitars, I realized my work had ceased to make any sense.
I'm traveling again, kids. I'll post more when I can, but internet options are iffy.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Looking ahead to Monday
That's two winning starts for the Fightin's in the last 11 years.
Please, guys, be kind this year. I'm begging you.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Field of 64, birds style ... again
Since it's that time of year again, and since last year's bracket went over so well, here's a look back at the Eagles' 2007 season in NCAA style. Click the picture to view the results.
Frankly, I'm a little upset Koy couldn't defend his crown.
Frankly, I'm a little upset Koy couldn't defend his crown.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Just a few days left
Things I'm looking forward to in the NCAA tournament
Austin Peay
Trying to remember where Gonzaga is
Hoping that Duke G Luke Davidson gets to play Davidson College and that the play-by-play announcer's head explodes
Notre Dame F Luke Harangody (although he's no Pitsnogle)
Thinking of good Winthrop jokes
Rooting against Xaiver for no good reason (freaking Musketeers)
Obligatory references to former Providence G God Shamgod
Oral Roberts
Austin PeayTrying to remember where Gonzaga isHoping that Duke G Luke Davidson gets to play Davidson College and that the play-by-play announcer's head explodesNotre Dame F Luke Harangody (although he's no Pitsnogle)Thinking of good Winthrop jokesRooting against Xaiver for no good reason (freaking Musketeers)Obligatory references to former Providence G God ShamgodOral Roberts
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
All of us cried a little
A quick look at tomorrow's front page from one of my favorite publications:
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sports Oscars
Once again those snobs in Hollyweird held their annual movie lovefest and snubbed the entire field of great sports films released in 2007. Since no one else seems to want to honor the real art of last year, I’ll take it upon myself.(Please note – all awards were handed out on the basis of these films' trailers, as I have not seen any of them).
2008 Academy Awards of Sports Flicks
Best Actor
Nominees: Columbus Short, Stomp the Yard; Nick Cage, Ghost Rider; Dwayne Johnson, The Game Plan; Will Ferrell, Blades of Glory
Know the plot of “The Game Plan”? Johnson, the all-Pro Boston QB, finds out he has a kid out of wedlock, which complicates his relationship with his model girlfriend. That’s the kind of outside-the-box character that deserves an award. Also, the QB gets injured in the championship game. If only …
Winner: Johnson
Best Actress
Nominees: None
Until somebody makes another sports movie that stars a woman, the award stays with the last champ. Three years running, with no serious contenders …
Winner: Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby
Best Supporting Actor
Nominees: Carl Weathers, The Comebacks; Christopher Walken, Balls of Fury; Billy Bob Thorton, Mr. Woodcock; Jorma Taccone, Hot Rod
Walken is barely even in the trailer, but I’m not going to snub him even in jest on the off chance he ever comes across this website. Dude scares me. If you piss him off, he might prank you with a tire iron …
Winner: Walken
Best Supporting Actress
Nominees: Susan Sarandon, Mr. Woodcock; Ilsa Fisher, Hot Rod; Jena Fisher, Blades of Glory; Jon Heder, Blades of GloryLook at that picture again and tell me you didn’t think Napoleon Dynamite there was a woman. That’s what I thought …
Winner: Heder
Best Animated Movie
Nominees: Surf’s Up
Only one nominee, a happy cartoon about a penguin surfing competition. But I’m going against it -- If the academy can decide that 10-years-in-the-waiting Simpsons movie isn’t even worth an animated film nomination, I can name it the best cartoon sports film with just as much credibility …
Winner: The Simpsons Movie
Best Documentary Film
Nominees: The Final Season, The Comebacks
“The Final Season” is a heartwarming story about an Iowa high school baseball team’s last at bat, but “The Comebacks” is about the tragedy that can happen when no-talent hacks try to tackle both sports and comedy. It’s one of those movies that everyone should watch, lest we fail to learn from our mistakes.
Winner: The Comebacks
Best Picture
Nominees: The Game Plan, Blades of Glory, Balls of Fury, Mr. Woodcock, The ComebacksLet’s face it – if you missed “Pride”, the inspirational story of a Philly swim team overcoming adversity, you missed the only sports movie that tried to be respectable this year. So I’m guessing you spent more time watching actual sports, which is better in the end. So in the end, who really won?
Winner: All of us filmgoers (unless you saw Mr. Woodcock)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Worst sports store in America
Found in El Paso today ...
Aren't there supposed to be Cowboys fans out here?
Aren't there supposed to be Cowboys fans out here?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Surprise Flyers news
In case you missed it:
(AHN) -- Flyers forward Simon Gagne downplayed his third concussion this season and on Monday dismissed speculations that he is shelved for the remainder of the year.
"There is no reason I can't come back and help lead this team to the World Series," Gagne said in an interview with the Philadelphia Inquirer. "It's just like J-Roll said -- we're the team to beat."
The 27-year-old former first-round pick first sustained a concussion in October 24 then suffered the same injury on November 5. The two injuries forced Gagne to miss a total of 30 games.
"I've already missed enough of this season, and I just need to get back on the gridiron and do my job," he said. "The doctors are telling me there could be problems, but I don't know the meaning of the word.
"Seriously, what does that mean?"
The Quebec native reported problem-free on January 10 until he had another concussion on Sunday, when he was hit by Penguins' forward Jordan Staal. Gagne expressed hope that his third bout with the injury will not force him as much games as before.
"You can't tell me that I'll be ready to be doing to be ready when I'm not if I am," Gagne said. "Seriously. For real. Can I borrow a candy bar?"
Gagne has played all his eight seasons with Philadelphia. He has seven goals and 11 assists in 25 games this season and has a career 208 goals in 527 games since he debuted in 1999.
"There's no stopping the Flyers from bringing home the Lombardi trophy," he said. "Book it. You can Paris Hilton that to the bank."
(AHN) -- Flyers forward Simon Gagne downplayed his third concussion this season and on Monday dismissed speculations that he is shelved for the remainder of the year.
"There is no reason I can't come back and help lead this team to the World Series," Gagne said in an interview with the Philadelphia Inquirer. "It's just like J-Roll said -- we're the team to beat."
The 27-year-old former first-round pick first sustained a concussion in October 24 then suffered the same injury on November 5. The two injuries forced Gagne to miss a total of 30 games.
"I've already missed enough of this season, and I just need to get back on the gridiron and do my job," he said. "The doctors are telling me there could be problems, but I don't know the meaning of the word.
"Seriously, what does that mean?"
The Quebec native reported problem-free on January 10 until he had another concussion on Sunday, when he was hit by Penguins' forward Jordan Staal. Gagne expressed hope that his third bout with the injury will not force him as much games as before.
"You can't tell me that I'll be ready to be doing to be ready when I'm not if I am," Gagne said. "Seriously. For real. Can I borrow a candy bar?"
Gagne has played all his eight seasons with Philadelphia. He has seven goals and 11 assists in 25 games this season and has a career 208 goals in 527 games since he debuted in 1999.
"There's no stopping the Flyers from bringing home the Lombardi trophy," he said. "Book it. You can Paris Hilton that to the bank."
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Pro-Bowl preview
The NFL has always had a problem getting its top players to attend the annual Pro Bowl in Hawaii, but this year’s absences are even more notable than usual (Deceased Washington S Sean Taylor, Chargers RB LaDanian Tomlinson, Patriots QB Tom Brady). So what excuses are they giving for not making the trip?
Dolphins DE Jason Taylor won’t be there because Miami is already down 10-0 in next season’s opener.
Patriots QB Tom Brady won’t be there because he’s a baby.
Eagles S Brian Dawkins won’t be there because he was not selected to the roster (for only the second time since 2000.) He will, however, still get a sack.
The Cowboys player who has a playoff win this decade won’t be there because he doesn’t exist.
Patriots WR Randy Moss won’t be there because he’s under house arrest (probably).
Bills OT Jason Peters won’t be there because Buffalo’s airport has eight feet of snow atop it instead of the usual seven.
49ers P Andy Lee will be there, but nobody cares about punters.
Raiders DT Warren Sapp won’t be there because … hold on, he’s still playing?
Saints RB Reggie Bush won’t be there because it’s a football game, not a track meet.
Giants QB Eli Manning won’t be there because they only pick good quarterbacks for the game, not lucky ones.
Dolphins DE Jason Taylor won’t be there because Miami is already down 10-0 in next season’s opener. Patriots QB Tom Brady won’t be there because he’s a baby. Eagles S Brian Dawkins won’t be there because he was not selected to the roster (for only the second time since 2000.) He will, however, still get a sack. The Cowboys player who has a playoff win this decade won’t be there because he doesn’t exist. Patriots WR Randy Moss won’t be there because he’s under house arrest (probably). Bills OT Jason Peters won’t be there because Buffalo’s airport has eight feet of snow atop it instead of the usual seven. 49ers P Andy Lee will be there, but nobody cares about punters. Raiders DT Warren Sapp won’t be there because … hold on, he’s still playing?Saints RB Reggie Bush won’t be there because it’s a football game, not a track meet. Giants QB Eli Manning won’t be there because they only pick good quarterbacks for the game, not lucky ones.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Stupidest things I've heard this week
And it's only Thursday ...
"The team that makes fewer mistakes in this game is going to be the winner." -- Mike Tirico, ESPN (submitted by Jeff)
Said just hours before the Super Bowl, when just about everything obvious had already been exhausted. And yet somehow Tirico was both insipid and incorrect; The Giants had more interceptions, more fumbles (but fewer lost fumbles), more penalty yards and gave up more return yards, but still won the game.
"This was Rocky Balboa against Apollo Creed, when the champ was unbeatable. Parade planned, book ready to go to print about their unbeaten Super Bowl season and then they met someone tougher." -- Paul Zimmerman, SI.com
Forget that he called this the greatest Super Bowl of all time (nice long memory there, Z). Maybe you need to go back and watch your classic movies again. Rocky lost.
"Eli Manning deserves the MVP award." -- Countless sportswriters Look, it was a big upset, OK? Let's not go crazy. Eli had a good day, punctuated by a game-saving catch by his fourth-string WR and non-game winning interceptions by two different Pats who had passes hit their palms on that final drive. David Tyree (that wideout) and DE Justin Tuck had better games and deserved the extra paycheck. Manning was the 25th rated QB in the regular season, and four good games gets you a ring but not equal billing with Peyton.
You can say he's the best QB in the NFL 100 times, but it's not gonna make it true. (Hi, Seth!)
"The team that makes fewer mistakes in this game is going to be the winner." -- Mike Tirico, ESPN (submitted by Jeff)
Said just hours before the Super Bowl, when just about everything obvious had already been exhausted. And yet somehow Tirico was both insipid and incorrect; The Giants had more interceptions, more fumbles (but fewer lost fumbles), more penalty yards and gave up more return yards, but still won the game.
"This was Rocky Balboa against Apollo Creed, when the champ was unbeatable. Parade planned, book ready to go to print about their unbeaten Super Bowl season and then they met someone tougher." -- Paul Zimmerman, SI.com
Forget that he called this the greatest Super Bowl of all time (nice long memory there, Z). Maybe you need to go back and watch your classic movies again. Rocky lost.
"Eli Manning deserves the MVP award." -- Countless sportswriters Look, it was a big upset, OK? Let's not go crazy. Eli had a good day, punctuated by a game-saving catch by his fourth-string WR and non-game winning interceptions by two different Pats who had passes hit their palms on that final drive. David Tyree (that wideout) and DE Justin Tuck had better games and deserved the extra paycheck. Manning was the 25th rated QB in the regular season, and four good games gets you a ring but not equal billing with Peyton.
You can say he's the best QB in the NFL 100 times, but it's not gonna make it true. (Hi, Seth!)
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Liveblogging the big game
Here’s my take on Today’s Super Bowl, as it unfolds:
3:00 pm – I’m confused why the game is starting so early, but here’s the opening whistle and it’s on! I wonder what happened to the next three hours of nonsense that was supposed to be on.
3:04 pm – The Giants have the ball and should be furious with the refs: Patriots S Rodney Harrison just bit QB Eli Manning in the ear, then tossed him upside down. No flag. Way to have the A crew calling the game, NFL.
3:05 pm – Speaking of calling the game, I’m surprised that Harry Kalas is the announcer. Where is Joe Buck? Troy Aikman? I’m not complaining, but something about this game just seems really off.
3:07 pm – Now LB Mike Vrabel is biting Manning, and the refs still aren’t doing anything! Unbelievable. Manning just bit him back, right on the hairy scruff of his neck. Good for him. He still has that vacant look on his face though – you’d think this rough play would wake him up a little.
3:10 pm – Giants DE Michael Strahan looks better with a beard (a really full one too) but the dog collar seems like a bit much to me. Eli seems to be wearing one too, but he looks the same as every other game day.
3:11 pm – Sorry, kids; Jo just came in and said this was the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, not the Super Bowl. I thought Strahan looked surprisingly good. And the Patriots defense doesn’t usually bite that much in the first quarter. My bad.
3:00 pm – I’m confused why the game is starting so early, but here’s the opening whistle and it’s on! I wonder what happened to the next three hours of nonsense that was supposed to be on.
3:04 pm – The Giants have the ball and should be furious with the refs: Patriots S Rodney Harrison just bit QB Eli Manning in the ear, then tossed him upside down. No flag. Way to have the A crew calling the game, NFL.
3:05 pm – Speaking of calling the game, I’m surprised that Harry Kalas is the announcer. Where is Joe Buck? Troy Aikman? I’m not complaining, but something about this game just seems really off.
3:07 pm – Now LB Mike Vrabel is biting Manning, and the refs still aren’t doing anything! Unbelievable. Manning just bit him back, right on the hairy scruff of his neck. Good for him. He still has that vacant look on his face though – you’d think this rough play would wake him up a little.
3:10 pm – Giants DE Michael Strahan looks better with a beard (a really full one too) but the dog collar seems like a bit much to me. Eli seems to be wearing one too, but he looks the same as every other game day.
3:11 pm – Sorry, kids; Jo just came in and said this was the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, not the Super Bowl. I thought Strahan looked surprisingly good. And the Patriots defense doesn’t usually bite that much in the first quarter. My bad.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Super Bowl Prop Bet Quiz
Think you can tell the real prop bets from the ones that sprung from my head?
Obviously, all of the real bets came from Bodog and BetUS. If you scored more than 10 points, you may have a serious gambling problem.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Suggested Viewing
Suggested television viewing for Sunday, Feb. 3
12 pm – AMC; Death Wish
Appropriate because when most of the country heard yet another significant sporting event would come down to the undeserving fans of New York and the undeserving fans of Boston, we wished for death as well.
2 pm – ABC; NBA (Dallas at Detroit)
It’s always easy to root against any Dallas team, and the Mavs have been in a slump lately. This could be a preview of the NBA championship, if the Mavs can end the recent Dallas post-season choking trend.
5pm – NBC; Bull Riding (from North Carolina)
At least all the bull on this show won’t be about Eli Manning’s supposed skills.
6 pm – ESPN2; Strong Man marathon
You know what’s great about watching these steroid-laden man beasts slug it out in nonsensical competitions? They still have more integrity than the Patriots players.
8 pm – BBC; Dancing with the Stars
Jerry Rice vs. Emmitt Smith on Super Bowl Sunday, and both of them look like jackasses. How can you pass that up?
10 pm – Spike; When Animals Attack
I’m not positive, I believe this is a biography on New England DB Rodney Harrison.
11 pm – DSC; Mythbusters
Among the myths being tested: Successful NFL teams can call a running play on 3rd and one; Sacks don't count if your friend decides to take a dive to help you get the single-season record; Cheaters never win.
Please note: Avoid local Fox stations at all costs on this Sunday. No good can come from the sporting event being televised on that channel that day.
12 pm – AMC; Death Wish Appropriate because when most of the country heard yet another significant sporting event would come down to the undeserving fans of New York and the undeserving fans of Boston, we wished for death as well.
2 pm – ABC; NBA (Dallas at Detroit)
It’s always easy to root against any Dallas team, and the Mavs have been in a slump lately. This could be a preview of the NBA championship, if the Mavs can end the recent Dallas post-season choking trend.
5pm – NBC; Bull Riding (from North Carolina)
At least all the bull on this show won’t be about Eli Manning’s supposed skills.
6 pm – ESPN2; Strong Man marathonYou know what’s great about watching these steroid-laden man beasts slug it out in nonsensical competitions? They still have more integrity than the Patriots players.
8 pm – BBC; Dancing with the Stars
Jerry Rice vs. Emmitt Smith on Super Bowl Sunday, and both of them look like jackasses. How can you pass that up?
10 pm – Spike; When Animals Attack
I’m not positive, I believe this is a biography on New England DB Rodney Harrison.
11 pm – DSC; MythbustersAmong the myths being tested: Successful NFL teams can call a running play on 3rd and one; Sacks don't count if your friend decides to take a dive to help you get the single-season record; Cheaters never win.
Please note: Avoid local Fox stations at all costs on this Sunday. No good can come from the sporting event being televised on that channel that day.
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