Reasons for the Phils' slide

What's ailing the boys in red, according to recent analysis from 610 WIP:

-- Donovan McNabb
-- Donovan McNabb's parents
-- Donovan McNabb's inability to complete short passes
-- Donovan McNabb's inability to work with other superstars
-- Utley's inability to hit curveballs (because of McNabb)
-- Andy Reid

Alternate jobs for Mr. One-for-Six

Currently Phils first baseman is second in the league in Home Runs but batting under .220. He has more RBI (62) than hits (60). Ever wonder what he'll do if this baseball thing doesn't work out?

If Ryan were your mailman ...
No mail would be delivered on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.
Every Friday, you'd receive a check from Publisher's Clearing House.

If Ryan went to Hollywood ...
He'd get bit parts in the next four installments of the Police Academy series.
Then he'd get an Oscar for his interpretation of Richard III.

If Ryan were a brewmaster ...
The first five beers of every six pack would be Pabst Blue Ribbon.
The sixth in each one would be Yuengling Premium.

If Ryan manned this blog ...
The first five posts every month would blow.
The sixth would be hilarious.
OK, so not much would change there.

Questionable math

Somebody explain this formula to me, will ya?



It's the only way this makes sense.

Too bad he can't afford a soul

How the biggest jerk in the NFL plans to spend that $34 million in blood money:

$600 for a replica Super Bowl ring (closest he'll get to a real one)


$4.95 for a days of the week pill box



$1.7 million for a new car to compensate for, um, stuff



$3.00 for premium popcorn



$12.49 for his best-selling jersey



$15 for video of the last time the 'boys won a playoff game



$1,000 in an effort to cover the stench of his rotting heart



$5,999.99 for 1,000 unused (and unwanted) T.O towels

Happy 31st, G

As always, G-money's mail seems to end up at Fort Awesome around this time of year:

Calculate your suffering

In case you missed it, both Sports Illustrated and the Inky had stories about Philly passing its 100th season since the city's last championship with the Flyers loss yesterday. The SI list hits the top 10 pretty well too, absolutely nailing the worst moment of the drought (yeah, that game).

But with all due respect to those fine publications, the NHL didn't have a season in 2004. So that puts the drought at 99 seasons, including one strike-shortened baseball season where no one won a championship.

Still, it was nice to see someone put this chart up so I could appreciate Boston's pain.

Checking the trends

No Philly sports today!

Thanks to two playoff runs at the Wachovia Center and several scheduling quirks, today is the first time in 47 consecutive days (March 26, for those who want to check the math) that the Phillies, Flyers or Sixers aren't suiting up and competing against someone. And if you want to include the Phils spring training games, today is the first time in 78 days (Feb. 24) that there are no Philly scores to check on.

I can't imagine that's any sort of record -- in the fall, all four teams are playing at the same time, at least with pre-season games -- but it is a nice chance to calm down for a day.

Although, I had to see that stupid "T.O. acting" report all day, so my blood pressure is still up pretty high.

Getting ready for tonight

In case you forgot that tonight's Flyers game is against a true rival, here's a quick look at the history of bad blood between Pittsburgh and Philly:

1939 – The Philadelphia Eagles upend the Pittsburgh Steelers, 17-14, in the first-ever game Thanksgiving Day game for both teams. On radio, the play-by-play is handled by a then 60-years-young Myron Cope.

1947 – The Pittsburgh Ironmen finish their first and only basketball season with a 15-45 record. The Philadelphia Warriors finish their inaugural season that year as well, but it takes them seven more years before posting their first 40-loss campaign.

1953 – After the Eagles sweep their season series against the Steelers with a pair of double-digit victories, a distraught Jonas Salk unsuccessfully tries to find a cure for sports despair in his University of Pittsburgh lab, but instead stumbles upon a polio vaccine. He later neglects to thank Philadelphia for the inspiration.

1976 – Rocky, the story of an underdog boxer whose life reflects his hometown's inspirational spirit, wins the Academy Award for Best Picture. Pittsburgh attempts it's own theatrical reflection of itself later the same year -- Dawn of the Dead hits theater screens in 1978.

1987 – 3B Mike Schmidt hits his 500th home run – a 9th inning, game winner – in Pittsburgh to push the Phils over the Pirates 8-6. The Pirates have not won a game since.

2000 – In the third longest game in NHL history, the Flyers take the Penguins into five overtimes before Philly C Keith Primeau nets the game-winner over the shoulder of Pittsburgh G Ron Tugnutt. Philly fans celebrate in gentlemanly fashion by declining to go for the easy Tugnutt notes.

2002 – Former Philadelphia mayor Ed Rendell is elected governor of Pennsylvania despite carrying only six counties in the state’s democratic primary. Shortly thereafter, all official state maps are reworked to close the PA border 30 miles further east, assigning Pittsburgh as part of West Virginia.

2007 – Temple researchers discover populated areas located in the 300-mile no-man's-zone between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. No one cares.

Posting problems

Folks -- hoping you can help me out. Every time I try and throw something up on this site about the Flyers, I get this error message:



Any idea what that's about?

Phils finish April over .500

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thankyou

Future promise

A closer look at the Eagles 2008 draft picks:

Trevor Laws
DT, Notre Dame, 2nd Round
Reaction from everyone at the Draftsgiving party: “Wow, a D-lineman? That’s a surprise. At least Notre Dame had a great year last year.”

DeSean Jackson
WR/KR, California, 2nd Round
I’m not going to talk about him – I’m afraid if we make too much noise Andy will notice that he drafted a fast wideout with ball handling skills and immediately trade him away.

Bryan Smith
DE, McNeese State, 3rd Round
Here’s the ESPN description of Smith: “He is vastly undersized for a defensive end, so teams will look to run at him and exploit that weakness when he's on the field. As a result, he's probably never going to be an every-down player.” Sounds great to me.

Michael McGlynn
OG, Pittsburgh, 4th Round
Six-foot-four, 311 pounds is still just an appetizer for Andy’s insatiable offensive lineman appetite.

Quintin Demps
FS, Texas El-Paso, 4th Round
Demps was the best safety available in the draft this year. Don’t believe me? Two years ago, while still in college, Eagles QB Kevin Kolb threw only four picks during his senior season. Demps had two of those interceptions. And we know Da Birds think Kolb is awesome, so Demps is at least half as great as he is.

Jack Ikegwuonu
CB, Wisconsin, 4th Round
A quick timeline of the life of Jackie I:
-- He catches the eyes of scouts with a tremendous sophomore season
-- He’s arrested with his brother and charged with felony theft for an alleged robbery
-- He has a sub-par junior season but decides to enter the draft anyway
-- He blows out his ACL and MCL while training, and won’t play in 2008
-- He hires Drew Rosenhaus as an agent
Why, oh why, did the Eagles draft him again?

Michael Gibson
OG, California, 6th Round
He was brought in solely to translate for DeSean from California to East Coast. “Ohmigawd” turns into “Yo” and “Fajitas” means “Cheesesteaks.”

Joe Mays
LB, North Dakota State, 6th Round
The Eagles draft defensive ends to play linebacker, so I can only assume that Mays was drafted to play cornerback or shortstop or something.

Andrew Studebaker
DE, Wheaton, 6th Round
The Wheaton Thunder beat powerhouses like Albion, Hope, Millikin and Elmhurst, but their bid for an undefeated season ended when they lost their final two games against Carthage and Illinois Wesleyan. But with that kind of competition, he’s clearly ready to face the Giants and Cowboys.

King Dunlap
OT, Auburn, 7th Round
Dude is 6-foot-9 and has already been named the Sixers starting power forward next season. So I'm not making fun of him for being named after a set of luxury tires.

36 hours of bliss

I hope you were paying attention this weekend, because we got to experience a rarity in Philadelphia sports: 36 straight hours of unadulterated, positive news.

Friday, 9:30 p.m. -- The Sixers put the finishing touches on a 20-point drubbing of the second-seeded Pistons in the biggest upset of the NBA playoffs this year.

Friday, 10 p.m. -- Phillies closer Brad Lidge pitches a perfect ninth inning to stop a Pirates comeback and lead the good guys to a 6-5 victory.

Saturday, 10 a.m. -- Eagles CB Lito Sheppard still not traded.

Saturday, 3 p.m. -- Awesome Cup champion Kid SmartyPants arrives at the annual Draftsgiving party in an Eagles shirt, in a bid to share his winning touch with the team.

Saturday, 5 p.m. -- In lieu of picking an O-lineman, the Eagles trade their first-round pick to Carolina for their 2009 first-rounder and two more 2008 picks.

Saturday, 7:15 p.m. -- Phillies 1B Ryan Howard hits a first-inning, two-run homer to break out of a personal slump and help lead the Phils to a 8-4 victory.

Saturday, 8 p.m. -- Two picks after drafting yet another defensive tackle, the Eagles draft WR/KR DeSean Jackson, who was projected to go hours earlier.

Saturday, 10 p.m. -- The Flyers finish off their upset win over the top-seeded Canadiens, their first win this season over Montreal.

Sunday, 12 a.m. -- Eagles CB Lito Sheppard still not traded.

Sunday, 10:30 a.m. -- ESPN announces the Eagles in the third-round drafted DE Bryan Smith, a player "vastly undersized for a defensive end," thus ending the string of good news.

But if you were going to ask for nothing but good news for Philly teams, you couldn't pick a better day than Draftsgiving.

Draftsgiving trivia

It's that time of year, kids -- Are you ready?

1. Draftsgiving is that special time of year when:

We wish it was November already
We celebrate football and actually believe next year won't make us miserable
Holy crap -- It's draft time already?


2. This year the NFL draft stars at:

Are you sure it's draft time already?
3 p.m.
3 p.m., but we're still drinking at 11:55 a.m.


3. The Eagles most likely first round pick will be:

A defensive lineman
An offensive lineman
LB J. Leman out of Illinois


4. Eagles beloved CB Lito Sheppard will likely be traded for:

A wideout
A chance to move up three spots in the first round
S Bobby Taylor


5. WR Chad Johnson will likely end up on draft day with:

The Cowboys
The Eagles? Really? But c'mon....
No one


6. Proper attire for Draftsgiving is:

A Lito Sheppard jersey
A Brian Dawkins jersey
A Na Brown jersey


7. The time between first round draft picks will be cut from:

15 minutes to 10 minutes
Too long to a little quicker
Boring to fun


8. One trade to make the Eagles a real threat is:

WR Javon Walker
2B Chase Utley
KR James Thrash


9. The one thing always on the Draftsgiving menu is:

Steak
More Steak
Dolphins


10. A good reason to skip celebrating Draftsgiving is:

Real football involves a pitch
I'm laid up in the hospital, but I'll still have a beer
I hate freedom

Scoring:
19-20 points -- Indianapolis Colts
12-18 points -- Tennessee Titans
7-11 points --- Philadelphia Eagles
1-6 points ---- Washington Redskins
Zero points --- Minnesota Vikings

Footbaaaaalllllll

Eagles schedule is out today; Here's what it looks like:

Week 1 ---- Sunday, Sep 7 ---- vs Rams ---- 100pm
Last time they played the Rams on opening day, Eagles FB Cecil Martin had two TD catches … and Philly lost in OT.

Week 2 ---- Monday, Sep 15 ---- at Cowboys ---- 830pm
McNabb is 6-2 his last eight trips into the belly of the beast.

Week 3 ---- Sunday, Sep 21 ---- vs Steelers ---- 415pm
The inter-state rivalry hasn't taken place in Philly since 1997, even though the Eagles have played in Pitt twice since then. How come?

Week 4 ---- Sunday, Sep 28 ---- at Bears ---- 815pm
Maybe this year it'll only be a 90-yard game losing TD drive ...

Week 5 ---- Sunday, Oct 5 ---- vs DC ---- 100pm
The racial slurs' best record in the last decade? 10-6 in 1999.

Week 6 ---- Sunday, Oct 12 ---- at 49ers ---- 415pm
Who are you more excited to see: S Michael Lewis or QB Trent Dilfer?

Week 7 ---- Bye
That's a loss.

Week 8 ---- Sunday, Oct 26 ---- vs Falcons ---- 100pm
Now starting at QB ... Jeff George? Would it be worse?

Week 9 ---- Sunday, Nov 2 ---- at Seahawks ---- 415pm
That’s the fifth time in eight years they’ll play Seattle; They’re 2-2 so far.

Week 10 ---- Sunday, Nov 9 ---- vs Giants ---- 815pm
The Iggles don't play their closest rival until November -- Eli should be in full INT form by then.

Week 11 ---- Sunday, Nov 16 ---- at Bengals ---- 100pm
Prediction: After the game, Cincy WR Chad Johnson tries to sneak out of town on the Eagles' bus.

Week 12 ---- Sunday, Nov 23 ---- at Ravens ---- 100pm
This will be McNabb’s first game playing against his old team. Wait, they didn’t trade him to Baltimore? But ESPN said … nevermind.

Week 13 ---- Thursday, Nov 27 ---- vs Cardinals ---- 815pm
Da Birds are 3-1 on Thanksgiving, including a 27-0 shutout of the Cowboys in 1989.

Week 14 ---- Sunday, Dec 7 ---- at Giants ---- 100pm
Pearl Harbor Day up in New York. Nice.

Week 15 ---- Monday, Dec 15 ---- vs Browns ---- 830pm
I’m getting my "TO has BO sign" ready for this game, because it was them edumecated Browns fans who broke it out for the first time in 2004.

Week 16 ---- Sunday, Dec 21 ---- at DC ---- 100pm
Worst stadium I've ever been in, hands down. And I watched a little league game in Chile last week.

Week 17 ---- Sunday, Dec 28 ---- vs Cowboys ---- 100pm
Why must the NFL always ruin the holidays by scheduling an Eagles/Cowboys game in late December?

That's a weird schedule, kids; one back-to-back road trip, no back-to-back home games all year long. Right now you could convince me they're going 12-4 or 4-12, which sounds disturbingly like another 8-8 season.

Buying souvenirs

When you're buying souvenirs, you want to avoid getting something cheap and crappy and find a keepsake that says something about where you were, what the local culture stands for, and adds value to your home.

What I'm saying is, this tidbit I picked up in Ecuador is the perfect souvenir:



$1.50 from a street vendor. All the subtitles are in Spanish, and I'm not sure the whole movie is there, but how can you go wrong?

Only in ... Santiago?

From a Chilean Little League game yesterday, looking down the first base line.



OK, so he's an American who was born in South Philly, but still....

An excerpt from my book

Titled 'my life and times' and scheduled for release in 2030...

Two years earlier I had celebrated America's birthday by watching Italy play soccer at a Mexican restaurant in Germany. But as I stood there in Chile, with a dozen local children packed into a C17 while a group of Air National Guardsmen butchered 'Sweet child of mine' on some acoustic guitars, I realized my work had ceased to make any sense.

I'm traveling again, kids. I'll post more when I can, but internet options are iffy.

Looking ahead to Monday

That's two winning starts for the Fightin's in the last 11 years.

Please, guys, be kind this year. I'm begging you.

Field of 64, birds style ... again

Since it's that time of year again, and since last year's bracket went over so well, here's a look back at the Eagles' 2007 season in NCAA style. Click the picture to view the results.


Frankly, I'm a little upset Koy couldn't defend his crown.