Veterans started coming into camp today, and in a show of sportsmanship many of the old-timers made sure to catch up with the rookies and give them advice on life in the NFL. I couldn’t make it up to Lehigh myself but my sources around camp made sure to report back to me on some of their tidbits:
RB Correll Buckhalter (speaking with new RB Tony Hunt):
“When you hit the line, really push from the bottom of your feet. You’re gonna feel a lot of torque in your knees, but don’t worry about that. This training staff is really good at preventing knee injuries.”
C Jamaal Jackson (speaking with C Jasper Harvey)
“You might want to practice handling the ball when it’s really wet and slimy – really, really slimy, like someone lost their lunch on it. I’m just saying, it comes in useful.”
DE Jerome McDougal (speaking with DE Marques Murrell)
“Hey, I’m as surprised as you are that I’m still on the roster.
WR Greg Lewis (speaking with WR Zac Collie)
“Yeah, I understand you went to BYU too, but I’m telling you it doesn’t buy you any help. If big Andy is hungry, and you drop a pass, he will eat you. What do you think happened to Freddie Mitchell?”
QB Donovan McNabb (speaking with QB Kevin Kolb):
“Go away.”
CB Sheldon Brown (speaking with CB Rashard Barksdale)
“You can go talk to him, but I’m not introducing you. I’m still afraid of Kearse. I don’t think your arms are supposed to reach that far.”
FB Thomas Tapeh (speaking with RB Nate Ilaoa)
“I wouldn’t worry about those passing drills too much – this isn’t really a passing offense. Besides, they’ll still throw to you even if you drop every single pass your way. ”
FS Brian Dawkins (speaking with FS C.J. Gaddis)
“No, I didn’t know that you’re a safety out of Clemson too. That’s pretty cool. Did you know I can snap a grown man in two like a twig? No? Why don’t you back off a little then.
QB Koy Detmer (speaking with LB Akeem Jordan)
“Yeah, I know my name isn’t on there, but trust me: I always make the team.”
Monday, July 30, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
More phun phacts
I found some more training camp tidbits for ya:
Jason Davis – FB, 3rd year
Phun Phact: He is one of three fullbacks on the team, all of whom are under 250 pounds and can’t catch passes. But he’s the only one who’s also under six feet tall (5-11) so that sets him apart.
Kevin Curtis – WR, 6th year
Phun Phact: Curtis is a Mormon, decreasing his chances of being eaten by Andy Reid during an angry cut-day binge session. Cannibalism is part of their religion, you know.
Ryan Moats – RB, 4th year
Phun Phact: He took a Western Caribbean cruise with his wife in 2007. Apparently, the Eagles PR staff thinks that’s interesting enough to include in his official biography.
William Thomas – OT, 11th year
Phun Phact: Formerly known as “Tra Thomas,” he began using his real name during the 2006 offseason. Also, next year he plans to change his name to “Thurman Thomas” and then “Donovan McNabb Thomas” in 2009.
Dereck Faulkner – WR, rookie year
Phun Phact: He was born in Germany, says he grew up idolizing Mike Quick and played all of his college ball at little-seen Hampton University. Sounds like a foreign spy to me, possibly communist.
Takeo Spikes – LB, 11th year
Phun Phact: If you come across the middle, he will straight-up murder you.
Jason Davis – FB, 3rd year
Phun Phact: He is one of three fullbacks on the team, all of whom are under 250 pounds and can’t catch passes. But he’s the only one who’s also under six feet tall (5-11) so that sets him apart.
Kevin Curtis – WR, 6th year
Phun Phact: Curtis is a Mormon, decreasing his chances of being eaten by Andy Reid during an angry cut-day binge session. Cannibalism is part of their religion, you know.
Ryan Moats – RB, 4th year
Phun Phact: He took a Western Caribbean cruise with his wife in 2007. Apparently, the Eagles PR staff thinks that’s interesting enough to include in his official biography.
William Thomas – OT, 11th year
Phun Phact: Formerly known as “Tra Thomas,” he began using his real name during the 2006 offseason. Also, next year he plans to change his name to “Thurman Thomas” and then “Donovan McNabb Thomas” in 2009.
Dereck Faulkner – WR, rookie year
Phun Phact: He was born in Germany, says he grew up idolizing Mike Quick and played all of his college ball at little-seen Hampton University. Sounds like a foreign spy to me, possibly communist.
Takeo Spikes – LB, 11th year
Phun Phact: If you come across the middle, he will straight-up murder you.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Training for training camp
With Eagles training camp coming up this week, here's a quick guide to some names you should know on the team.
Sav Rocca – P, rookie year
Phun Phact: Rocca is a well-known Australian Rules Futebal player who came to American with the singular goal of kicking Dirk Johnson’s ass.
Max Jean-Gilles – OG, 2nd year
Phun Phact: He has both the biggest girth on the team (358 pounds) and the girliest name on the team (Max Jean-Gilles).
Erick Harris – S, 2nd year
Phun Phact: He has played Division 1-AA college football, NFL Europe football, and Arena League 2 football, but not any pro ball. And he won’t this year either.
Jon Dorenbos – LS, 6th year
Phun Phact: He’s the Eagles long snapper. His name is not Mike Bartrum.
Brian Dawkins – S, 13th year
Phun Phact: Dawk needs two sacks to become the third man in NFL history to record 20 interceptions and 20 sacks in a career. Also, with four more sacks, he will officially have to register with police as a deadly weapon.
Rashad Barksdale – CB, rookie year
Phun Phact: His middle name is unique. No, not unusual. “Unique.” And, ironically, there’s nothing else special about him listed in the media guide.
Sav Rocca – P, rookie year
Phun Phact: Rocca is a well-known Australian Rules Futebal player who came to American with the singular goal of kicking Dirk Johnson’s ass.
Max Jean-Gilles – OG, 2nd year
Phun Phact: He has both the biggest girth on the team (358 pounds) and the girliest name on the team (Max Jean-Gilles).
Erick Harris – S, 2nd year
Phun Phact: He has played Division 1-AA college football, NFL Europe football, and Arena League 2 football, but not any pro ball. And he won’t this year either.
Jon Dorenbos – LS, 6th year
Phun Phact: He’s the Eagles long snapper. His name is not Mike Bartrum.
Brian Dawkins – S, 13th year
Phun Phact: Dawk needs two sacks to become the third man in NFL history to record 20 interceptions and 20 sacks in a career. Also, with four more sacks, he will officially have to register with police as a deadly weapon.
Rashad Barksdale – CB, rookie year
Phun Phact: His middle name is unique. No, not unusual. “Unique.” And, ironically, there’s nothing else special about him listed in the media guide.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Trying to let go
So I'm watching that baseball game Sunday night, and in the eighth inning Ryan Howard leads off with a double, the first extra-base hit of the night for the team (which trails 10-zip). Aaron Rowan strikes out, and Pat Burrell follows with a pop-up.
Greg Dobbs comes to bat, and the Cardinals reliver bounces a pitch five feet in front of home plate and over the catcher's head. Howard breaks for third, but the third base coach John Vukovich inexplicably waves him off as the ball rolls around. Ryan retreats to second, and the crowd starts booing at the horrible call.
Announcer Joe Morgan immediatley launches into a tirade, asking what the fans are thinking and noting "it's not like one run is going to matter anyway."
And that's the difference between loyal Philly fans and loyal idiot baseball fans. One expects their team to be trying no matter what, and the other thinks you should be content with losing.
By the way, 44,872 fans attended the historic Phillies loss Sunday. That's better than the attendance at three of the Braves last five home playoff games.
Monday, July 09, 2007
I'm going to break with tradition here and try to be postive about the recent and inevitable events with the Phillies. so, here are 10,000 reasons why 10,000 losses aren't such a bad thing to worry about:
1 -- The Phillies have been around forever.
The reason the Phils have so many losses is because they're officially the oldest team in baseball (124 years, to be exact). No other MLB team has been around longer under the same name -- the Phils have always been the Phils, never the Beanaters or Alleghenys or Redlegs. So of course they have the most losses.
2 -- Those are mostly away numbers.
While the Phils overall record is under .500, their home record since 1883 is 4,840-4,576 -- a healthy .514 winning percentage. So more people have seen the Phils lose when they are the visiting team. When they're around fans, they tend to do better.
3 -- The Braves will be there soon enough.
Currently they're in second place on the all-time losses list, at just under 9,700. By the end of the 2012 season they'll reach the dubious milestone too. Only when they hit it, there won't be thousands of extra fans at the park to boo. They'll be the typical apathetic 15,000 attendance for the lousy Hotlanta fans.
4 -- You don't have to worry about the next bad benchmark.
Even if things keep going downhill at the same rate, 20,000 won't come until around 2140, well after we're all watching games from the bleacher seats up in heaven. True, we could still be around for loss 15,000 in 2072, but nobody cares about those midway milestones.
5 -- At least they won one World Series.
Fans in Milwaukee, Seattle, Tampa Bay, Colorado, San Diego, and San Francisco can say their teams have fewer losses, but they also have a combined zero World Series. And the state of Texas has never seen a World Series winner. So at least Philly has a few (very few) glory days of baseball to look back on.
6 to 9,999 -- Why don't you shut it up over there before Chase Utley comes over and makes you shut it up?
10,000 -- It's the ultimate trump card.
Boston had another four-game losing streak? The Niners were supposed to be good this year and they stink? The Red Wings haven't won a title in five years? Tell them to cry you a freakin' river. Your baseball team has lost 10,000 games, and you're still rooting for them. So they can just quit their complaining or admit to being the lousy front-runners they are.
And, if they don't take kindly to that, Chase Utley has something to say to them.
1 -- The Phillies have been around forever.
The reason the Phils have so many losses is because they're officially the oldest team in baseball (124 years, to be exact). No other MLB team has been around longer under the same name -- the Phils have always been the Phils, never the Beanaters or Alleghenys or Redlegs. So of course they have the most losses.
2 -- Those are mostly away numbers.
While the Phils overall record is under .500, their home record since 1883 is 4,840-4,576 -- a healthy .514 winning percentage. So more people have seen the Phils lose when they are the visiting team. When they're around fans, they tend to do better.
3 -- The Braves will be there soon enough.
Currently they're in second place on the all-time losses list, at just under 9,700. By the end of the 2012 season they'll reach the dubious milestone too. Only when they hit it, there won't be thousands of extra fans at the park to boo. They'll be the typical apathetic 15,000 attendance for the lousy Hotlanta fans.
4 -- You don't have to worry about the next bad benchmark.
Even if things keep going downhill at the same rate, 20,000 won't come until around 2140, well after we're all watching games from the bleacher seats up in heaven. True, we could still be around for loss 15,000 in 2072, but nobody cares about those midway milestones.
5 -- At least they won one World Series.
Fans in Milwaukee, Seattle, Tampa Bay, Colorado, San Diego, and San Francisco can say their teams have fewer losses, but they also have a combined zero World Series. And the state of Texas has never seen a World Series winner. So at least Philly has a few (very few) glory days of baseball to look back on.
6 to 9,999 -- Why don't you shut it up over there before Chase Utley comes over and makes you shut it up?
10,000 -- It's the ultimate trump card.
Boston had another four-game losing streak? The Niners were supposed to be good this year and they stink? The Red Wings haven't won a title in five years? Tell them to cry you a freakin' river. Your baseball team has lost 10,000 games, and you're still rooting for them. So they can just quit their complaining or admit to being the lousy front-runners they are.
And, if they don't take kindly to that, Chase Utley has something to say to them.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
iFalse iAdvertising
In case you missed it this week, Apple began selling its first iphones – pocket sized wonder toys that can make calls, surf the web, play mp3s, show movies …
But there are a few things the device can do that Apple has decided not to advertise. Here are some of the rejected uses for the $600 gadget:
Bottle opener
Listening to Bill Gates podcasts
Fashionable jewelry
Finding directions for the nearest payphone
Playing Pong
Editor's wife's note: Suck it Mac. He did this completely with Microsoft Paint.
But there are a few things the device can do that Apple has decided not to advertise. Here are some of the rejected uses for the $600 gadget:
Bottle opener
Listening to Bill Gates podcasts
Fashionable jewelry
Finding directions for the nearest payphone
Playing Pong
Editor's wife's note: Suck it Mac. He did this completely with Microsoft Paint.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Draft preview
The Sixers have three picks in the first round of tomorrow night's draft, so here's an early look at who they might be picking:
Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown
Pros: “Great basketball IQ” according to ESPN.com. I guess that means he understands when the ball goes in the bucket, its worth either two or three points.
Cons: Scouts question his passion for making himself a better player. And the last guy they drafted from Georgetown with questions like that tended not to show up for practice.
Julian Wright, SF, Kansas
Pros: Has both “tremendous upside” and “great length” according to NBA.com. If the had “explosive quickness” too, he’d have the cliché trifecta.
Cons: Dude’s name is Julian. He might be a girl. And most of those WNBA players stink.
Acie Law IV, PG, Texas A&M
Pros: “Loves to have the ball in his hands at key moments” according to SI.com. That’s good, since the entire offense runs through the point guard.
Cons: The Sixers have struggled for years with two AIs. Adding an AC probably isn’t the answer.
Kevin Kolb, QB, Houston
Pros: “Good arm strength and ability to run the offense” according to NFL.com.
Cons: He might still be available in the second round, after all the good players have been taken. Also, like the Eagles, the Sixers don’t need another QB.
Chase Utley, 2B, UCLA
Pros: Arguably one of the best athletes in Philadelphia since Mike Schmidt. Good arm, great defense could be real assets to a no-name Sixers team.
Cons: At 6-1 he's a bit short, even for a point guard. Also, he's gonna be a little busy when Sixers training camp opens in late August.
No one, no position, no school
Pros: According to the draft experts, after the top two picks "no one" is expected to be a huge star in the league. Also, picking "no one" won't leave fans disappointed when he blows.
Cons: The Sixers already have "nobody" playing defense and "hardly anyone" scoring, so it might be a tough team to rally fans behind.
Kobe Bryant, SG, never went to college
Pros: Philly boy (sorta) who wants out of LA (sorta) could be traded for a number of draft picks (maybe) and revitalize his image in the Eastern Conference (probably not).
Cons: Fans would much, much rather see "no one" picked up before this jerk.
Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown
Pros: “Great basketball IQ” according to ESPN.com. I guess that means he understands when the ball goes in the bucket, its worth either two or three points.
Cons: Scouts question his passion for making himself a better player. And the last guy they drafted from Georgetown with questions like that tended not to show up for practice.
Julian Wright, SF, Kansas
Pros: Has both “tremendous upside” and “great length” according to NBA.com. If the had “explosive quickness” too, he’d have the cliché trifecta.
Cons: Dude’s name is Julian. He might be a girl. And most of those WNBA players stink.
Acie Law IV, PG, Texas A&M
Pros: “Loves to have the ball in his hands at key moments” according to SI.com. That’s good, since the entire offense runs through the point guard.
Cons: The Sixers have struggled for years with two AIs. Adding an AC probably isn’t the answer.
Kevin Kolb, QB, Houston
Pros: “Good arm strength and ability to run the offense” according to NFL.com.
Cons: He might still be available in the second round, after all the good players have been taken. Also, like the Eagles, the Sixers don’t need another QB.
Chase Utley, 2B, UCLA
Pros: Arguably one of the best athletes in Philadelphia since Mike Schmidt. Good arm, great defense could be real assets to a no-name Sixers team.
Cons: At 6-1 he's a bit short, even for a point guard. Also, he's gonna be a little busy when Sixers training camp opens in late August.
No one, no position, no school
Pros: According to the draft experts, after the top two picks "no one" is expected to be a huge star in the league. Also, picking "no one" won't leave fans disappointed when he blows.
Cons: The Sixers already have "nobody" playing defense and "hardly anyone" scoring, so it might be a tough team to rally fans behind.
Kobe Bryant, SG, never went to college
Pros: Philly boy (sorta) who wants out of LA (sorta) could be traded for a number of draft picks (maybe) and revitalize his image in the Eastern Conference (probably not).
Cons: Fans would much, much rather see "no one" picked up before this jerk.
Monday, June 25, 2007
To help put it in perspective
As the Phillies inch closer and closer towards that 10,000th loss, here's a visual representation to help you get your mind around it:
Yep, that's 9,991 pictures of Kim Batiste, which I feel like is a good summary for the Phillies history.
Yep, that's 9,991 pictures of Kim Batiste, which I feel like is a good summary for the Phillies history.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
First fantasy football post of the season
It’s that time of year again
Since there’s only 69 days left until my fantasy football live draft for the pay league (no, I’m not kidding, they already set it up) I wanted to take a peek at some of the proposed scoring rules we’re considering for this year:
1 – You can draft LT on even weeks or odd ones, not both
** Frankly, even with half his production LaDanian Tomlinson is a better pick than most players. If we did this last year, he would have been the ninth and 10th best RBs available.
2 – Coach draft: One point per pound lost
** Andy Reid seems like a no-brainer here, but remember he already slimmed down to just under 700 pound last season. The sleeper pick here is Falcons’ coach Bobby Petrino, who may be eaten alive when crazy Mike Vick goes cannibal. That’s 230 points right there.
3 – Raiders players to be included in the draft
** It seems odd to include minor leaguers in with everyone else, but if the NFL is going to do it we might as well let the idiots in our league do the same. So feel free to grab Jamarcus Russell early.
4 – Five-point penalty per player suicide attempt
** This will be referred to as the "T.O. rule" from this point forward. No extra penalty if he's successful.
5 – 50-point bonus for drafting Akers
** Just because.
Since there’s only 69 days left until my fantasy football live draft for the pay league (no, I’m not kidding, they already set it up) I wanted to take a peek at some of the proposed scoring rules we’re considering for this year:
1 – You can draft LT on even weeks or odd ones, not both
** Frankly, even with half his production LaDanian Tomlinson is a better pick than most players. If we did this last year, he would have been the ninth and 10th best RBs available.
2 – Coach draft: One point per pound lost
** Andy Reid seems like a no-brainer here, but remember he already slimmed down to just under 700 pound last season. The sleeper pick here is Falcons’ coach Bobby Petrino, who may be eaten alive when crazy Mike Vick goes cannibal. That’s 230 points right there.
3 – Raiders players to be included in the draft
** It seems odd to include minor leaguers in with everyone else, but if the NFL is going to do it we might as well let the idiots in our league do the same. So feel free to grab Jamarcus Russell early.
4 – Five-point penalty per player suicide attempt
** This will be referred to as the "T.O. rule" from this point forward. No extra penalty if he's successful.
5 – 50-point bonus for drafting Akers
** Just because.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Checking in on the local teams
Heard on the radio first thing this morning:
"Orioles fans.....
"Brian Roberts came back from an early season injury to lead the league in stolen bases and be among the leaders in batting average, on-base percentage and hits over the last month. What will he do over the next month?
"The O's take on the Padres Tuesday night. Don't miss the action."
Let's pretend for a minute that B-Rob could be one of the major draws of the American League (even though currently ranked 72nd in Yahoo's player rankings). Here's what happened to the O's in the next few hours:
-- Manager Sam Perlozzo was canned.
-- The team snapped its eight game losing streak ... by taking a day off.
-- The team was sent out of town. They say its for a six-game road trip, but ...
You can really feel the brob. Don't miss the action.
"Orioles fans.....
"Brian Roberts came back from an early season injury to lead the league in stolen bases and be among the leaders in batting average, on-base percentage and hits over the last month. What will he do over the next month?
"The O's take on the Padres Tuesday night. Don't miss the action."
Let's pretend for a minute that B-Rob could be one of the major draws of the American League (even though currently ranked 72nd in Yahoo's player rankings). Here's what happened to the O's in the next few hours:
-- Manager Sam Perlozzo was canned.
-- The team snapped its eight game losing streak ... by taking a day off.
-- The team was sent out of town. They say its for a six-game road trip, but ...
You can really feel the brob. Don't miss the action.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Sopranos rewrite
Imagine if The Sopranos writers were in charge of finishing off other classics:
---------------------------------------------------
Footloose
McCormack hugs the other teens and walks over to the record player. He puts on Journey's “Escape” album and the sound of “Don’t Stop Believing” fills the auditorium.
McCormack: Let’s dance!
The teens triumphantly take to the dance floor and … fade to black.
---------------------------------------------------
Rocky
Balboa returns to his corner after round 14; his eyes are completely swollen shut, the cut on the side of his brow is still gushing. The ringside doctor wants to stop the fight, but the boxer ignores him.
Mickey: "You can throw in the towel, Rock. Nobody's gonna say ya didn't give ya all. You're just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit ... I mean Philly."
Rocky: "You ain't stopping nothing."
Balboa rises to his feet amid the thundering applause. He walks to the center of the ring for the start of the final round and ... fade to black.
---------------------------------------------------
JFK's inaugaration
The 35th president of the U.S. appears on the steps of the Capitol.
"I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation.
“Don't stop believing, my friends. Hold on to that feeling. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it.
“And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you..."
Then he walks off the stage.
---------------------------------------------------
Seinfeld
Pretty much the same ending, actually.
---------------------------------------------------
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Belloq recites an ancient Jewish prayer and begins to remove the cover of the ark. The Nazis stand at attention, cherishing the moment of victory.
Indy: Marion! Cover your eyes!
Marion: What?
Indy: Cover your eyes! Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues!
Belloq peers down into the uncovered relic and sees … the closing credits.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Know your James names
Since he's been in the news lately, it's time for everyone’s favorite game:
Can you correctly identify
King James (the athlete),
King James (the monarch),
or James King (the actress)?
1 – Known for presiding over the Golden Age of Elizabethan literature.
Answer: Click here
2 – Known for presiding over the Golden Age of Cleveland basketball
Answer: Click here
3 – Known for golden hair.
Answer: Click here
4 – Discovered at age 15.
Answer: Click here
5 – Discovered at age 14.
Answer: Click here
6 – Discovered at age 1.
Answer: Click here
7 – Had a bit part in the movie “White Chicks.”
Answer: Click here
8 – Had a bit part in the show “The Simpsons.”
Answer: Click here
9 – Had a bit part in the movie “Pocahontas II.”
Answer: Click here
10 – One of the best basketball players in the world, and a complete asshole.
Answer: Click here
How'd you do? Any fewer than 5 right and you need to start watching some NBA action. Any more than 8 and you need to stop watching Jamie King movies.
Can you correctly identify
King James (the athlete),
King James (the monarch),
or James King (the actress)?
1 – Known for presiding over the Golden Age of Elizabethan literature.
Answer: Click here
2 – Known for presiding over the Golden Age of Cleveland basketball
Answer: Click here
3 – Known for golden hair.
Answer: Click here
4 – Discovered at age 15.
Answer: Click here
5 – Discovered at age 14.
Answer: Click here
6 – Discovered at age 1.
Answer: Click here
7 – Had a bit part in the movie “White Chicks.”
Answer: Click here
8 – Had a bit part in the show “The Simpsons.”
Answer: Click here
9 – Had a bit part in the movie “Pocahontas II.”
Answer: Click here
10 – One of the best basketball players in the world, and a complete asshole.
Answer: Click here
How'd you do? Any fewer than 5 right and you need to start watching some NBA action. Any more than 8 and you need to stop watching Jamie King movies.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Spelling bee subliminal messages
Actual messages hidden in the word lists used in today's first rounds of the national spelling bee.
* Ghastly typographical dilemma exasperates disappointed optimists.
* Bizarre impediment facilitates academic humiliation.
* Compunctious yeanling trafficking requisite sanctimonious exhilaration.
* Uncensored utterance eclipses jubilant zaniness.
* Confusable answerer gesticulates.
* Ghastly typographical dilemma exasperates disappointed optimists.
* Bizarre impediment facilitates academic humiliation.
* Compunctious yeanling trafficking requisite sanctimonious exhilaration.
* Uncensored utterance eclipses jubilant zaniness.
* Confusable answerer gesticulates.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
24, Day 6.1
In case you missed it, here's the paper from the day after this year's 24 ended. Click on the front page to make it bigger.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Lessons learned from trivia night
... at a local bar ... while I was drinking...
1 -- One-third of the residents of Nevada are employed in tourism.
2 -- Sir Frances Drake was know as "the dragon" to his enemies.
3 -- Sober or drunk, I can only name three Dickens novels ("A Tale of Two Cities," "David Copperfield" and "Oliver Twist." Apparently, "A Christmas Carol" is a very long short story.)
4 -- The 80s hair band who performed "When I see you smile" was Bad English.
5 -- Letting the barmaid who's scoring the contest share your french fries does not earn you extra points.
6 -- Yuengling is delicious even if your thinking while drinking.
7 -- If anyone ever asks you who won in Alien vs. Predator, go with Predator, even though it's obvious that Alien won. The Predator didn't make it back to his home planet, right? So he lost. Alien won, no matter what the judge says. And don't let him convince you otherwise.
1 -- One-third of the residents of Nevada are employed in tourism.
2 -- Sir Frances Drake was know as "the dragon" to his enemies.
3 -- Sober or drunk, I can only name three Dickens novels ("A Tale of Two Cities," "David Copperfield" and "Oliver Twist." Apparently, "A Christmas Carol" is a very long short story.)
4 -- The 80s hair band who performed "When I see you smile" was Bad English.
5 -- Letting the barmaid who's scoring the contest share your french fries does not earn you extra points.
6 -- Yuengling is delicious even if your thinking while drinking.
7 -- If anyone ever asks you who won in Alien vs. Predator, go with Predator, even though it's obvious that Alien won. The Predator didn't make it back to his home planet, right? So he lost. Alien won, no matter what the judge says. And don't let him convince you otherwise.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Advice from video games
Today’s episode: Questions sent in by readers answered using commentary by Bob Costas and Harold Reynolds on Triple Play 2002, while controlling the AL All-Stars against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (final score: 25-0).
Dear AFVG,
What’s the weather supposed to be like tonight? I missed the 5 o’clock news, and I really need to find out.
-- H. Scwartz, Philadelphia
Reynolds: Ooooh, boy! We’ve got a hot one tonight!
Costas: I hear that.
Dear AFVG,
I’m a sports writer who usually covers basketball, but I’ll be doing a little baseball writing this year. Any advice how to pick up on the nuances of the game?
-- S. A. Smith, Philadelphia
Reynolds: Listen to that ball scream AAAEEEEE! That’s outta here.
Costas: Well said. I hear that.
Dear AFVG,
It seems to me that you guys, like all commentators, just say the most obvious things and then repeat it again and again. I don’t really have a question. I just wanted you to know that I hate you.
-- J. Rome, Los Angeles
Costas: That got out of here in a hurry.
Reynolds: You said it. That one got out of here in a hurry.
Dear AFVG,
My teammate has been making trips out late at night and coming home with bloodshot eyes and odd behavior. The other guys think he’s buying pot, but I don’t think coach would allow that. What do you think?
-- T. Romo, Dallas
Reynolds: He grabbed that one and smoked it!
Costas: You said it.
Dear AFVG,
What do you think about Roger Clemens return to baseball? Will this guy be able to be as impressive as he was in the past? Eveyone's a fan of him now, but I wonder if they'll change their mind right away if he struggles.
-- D. Patrick, Bristol
Reynolds: This pitcher is done. They gotta get him out of here.
Costas: And he catches him with the fastball! Strike out, Clemens!
Reynolds: Ooooh, boy! This guy still has great stuff. He’s unbelievable.
Costas: And that about wraps it up. From all of us at EA Sports, good night, folks.
Dear AFVG,
What’s the weather supposed to be like tonight? I missed the 5 o’clock news, and I really need to find out.
-- H. Scwartz, Philadelphia
Reynolds: Ooooh, boy! We’ve got a hot one tonight!
Costas: I hear that.
Dear AFVG,
I’m a sports writer who usually covers basketball, but I’ll be doing a little baseball writing this year. Any advice how to pick up on the nuances of the game?
-- S. A. Smith, Philadelphia
Reynolds: Listen to that ball scream AAAEEEEE! That’s outta here.
Costas: Well said. I hear that.
Dear AFVG,
It seems to me that you guys, like all commentators, just say the most obvious things and then repeat it again and again. I don’t really have a question. I just wanted you to know that I hate you.
-- J. Rome, Los Angeles
Costas: That got out of here in a hurry.
Reynolds: You said it. That one got out of here in a hurry.
Dear AFVG,
My teammate has been making trips out late at night and coming home with bloodshot eyes and odd behavior. The other guys think he’s buying pot, but I don’t think coach would allow that. What do you think?
-- T. Romo, Dallas
Reynolds: He grabbed that one and smoked it!
Costas: You said it.
Dear AFVG,
What do you think about Roger Clemens return to baseball? Will this guy be able to be as impressive as he was in the past? Eveyone's a fan of him now, but I wonder if they'll change their mind right away if he struggles.
-- D. Patrick, Bristol
Reynolds: This pitcher is done. They gotta get him out of here.
Costas: And he catches him with the fastball! Strike out, Clemens!
Reynolds: Ooooh, boy! This guy still has great stuff. He’s unbelievable.
Costas: And that about wraps it up. From all of us at EA Sports, good night, folks.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Draft recap, list style
Top five guys with names that make you giggle
1: Quinn Pitcock, DE, drafted by the Colts in the 3rd
2: Syndric Steptoe, FS, drafted by the Browns in the 7th
3: Mansfield Wrotto, OG, drafted by the Seahawks in the 4th
4: Legedu Naanee, WR, drafted by the Chargers in the 5th
5: Chansi Stuckey, WR, drafted by the Jets in the 7th
Top five guys with football appropriate names
1: Jacob "Defense" Bender, OT, drafted by the Jets in the 6th
2: Kevin "Bring the" Payne, FS, drafted by the Bears in the 5th
3: "No" Gaines Adams, DE, drafted by the Bucs in the 1st
4: Ken "Put 'em in" Shackleford, OT, drafted by the Rams in the 6th
5: Keith "I'm not Keith Jackson" Jackson, DT, drafted by the Rams in the 7th
Top five guys with confusing names
1: Jamaal Anderson, DE, drafted by Falcons in the 1st
He's not this guy.
2: Steve Smith, WR, drafted by the Giants in the 2nd
He's not this guy.
3: Anthony Gonzalez, WR, drafted by the Colts in the 1st
He's not this guy.
4: Chris Henry, RB, drafted by the Titans in the 2nd
He's not this guy.
5: Courtney Brown, CB, drafted by the Cowboys in the 7th
He's not this guy.
Top five guys who would have been a better second-round pick than that stinking QB Kolb the birds took
1: Dwayne Jarrett, WR, drafted by the Panthers in the 2nd
2: John Beck, QB, drafted by the Dolphins in the 2nd
3: Paul Posluszny, LB drafted by the Bills in the 2nd
4: Troy Smith, QB, drafted by the Ravens in the 5th
5: Randy Moss, WR, traded to the Patriots for a 4th
Top five guys I'll use in anagrams next year
1: Uche Nwaneri, OG, drafted by the Jaguars in the 5th
"A chewier nun"
2: Adam Koets, OT, drafted by the Giants in the 6th
"Smoke a tad"
3: Joel Filani, WR, drafted by the Titans in the 6th
"O elf in jail"
4: Prescott Burgess, LB, drafted by the Ravens in the 6th
"Cops err, get busts"
5: Michael Coe, CB, drafted by the Colts in the 5th
"A comic heel"
1: Quinn Pitcock, DE, drafted by the Colts in the 3rd
2: Syndric Steptoe, FS, drafted by the Browns in the 7th
3: Mansfield Wrotto, OG, drafted by the Seahawks in the 4th
4: Legedu Naanee, WR, drafted by the Chargers in the 5th
5: Chansi Stuckey, WR, drafted by the Jets in the 7th
Top five guys with football appropriate names
1: Jacob "Defense" Bender, OT, drafted by the Jets in the 6th
2: Kevin "Bring the" Payne, FS, drafted by the Bears in the 5th
3: "No" Gaines Adams, DE, drafted by the Bucs in the 1st
4: Ken "Put 'em in" Shackleford, OT, drafted by the Rams in the 6th
5: Keith "I'm not Keith Jackson" Jackson, DT, drafted by the Rams in the 7th
Top five guys with confusing names
1: Jamaal Anderson, DE, drafted by Falcons in the 1st
He's not this guy.
2: Steve Smith, WR, drafted by the Giants in the 2nd
He's not this guy.
3: Anthony Gonzalez, WR, drafted by the Colts in the 1st
He's not this guy.
4: Chris Henry, RB, drafted by the Titans in the 2nd
He's not this guy.
5: Courtney Brown, CB, drafted by the Cowboys in the 7th
He's not this guy.
Top five guys who would have been a better second-round pick than that stinking QB Kolb the birds took
1: Dwayne Jarrett, WR, drafted by the Panthers in the 2nd
2: John Beck, QB, drafted by the Dolphins in the 2nd
3: Paul Posluszny, LB drafted by the Bills in the 2nd
4: Troy Smith, QB, drafted by the Ravens in the 5th
5: Randy Moss, WR, traded to the Patriots for a 4th
Top five guys I'll use in anagrams next year
1: Uche Nwaneri, OG, drafted by the Jaguars in the 5th
"A chewier nun"
2: Adam Koets, OT, drafted by the Giants in the 6th
"Smoke a tad"
3: Joel Filani, WR, drafted by the Titans in the 6th
"O elf in jail"
4: Prescott Burgess, LB, drafted by the Ravens in the 6th
"Cops err, get busts"
5: Michael Coe, CB, drafted by the Colts in the 5th
"A comic heel"
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Liveblogging Draftsgiving
Not really.
But I did take thorough notes throughout Saturday's festivities, to capture the moment. I'll get to those wretched draft picks later this week, but here's a taste of the excitement you missed at the fort:
11:20 am -- Opened the first beer, and wished everyone luck and happiness for the day.
12:30 pm -- Drank and played PS2 hockey.
2:30 pm -- Drank and played PS2 hockey.
3:30 pm -- Drank and played PS2 golf.
4:45 pm -- Drank and cursed as the Eagles traded their pick to Dallas.
5:30 pm -- Drank and cooked steaks.
6:00 pm -- Ate and played PS2 hockey.
7:45 pm -- Drank and cursed as the Eagles drafted a QB I'd never heard of.
9:00 pm -- Ate and played PS2 golf.
11:15 pm -- Ate and watched "Transformers: The Movie."
1:15 am -- Wondered why I didn't drink while watching that movie.
1:45 am -- Passed out, possibly while drinking.
Aren't you sad you missed it? Keep the last weekend in April open next year.
But I did take thorough notes throughout Saturday's festivities, to capture the moment. I'll get to those wretched draft picks later this week, but here's a taste of the excitement you missed at the fort:
11:20 am -- Opened the first beer, and wished everyone luck and happiness for the day.
12:30 pm -- Drank and played PS2 hockey.
2:30 pm -- Drank and played PS2 hockey.
3:30 pm -- Drank and played PS2 golf.
4:45 pm -- Drank and cursed as the Eagles traded their pick to Dallas.
5:30 pm -- Drank and cooked steaks.
6:00 pm -- Ate and played PS2 hockey.
7:45 pm -- Drank and cursed as the Eagles drafted a QB I'd never heard of.
9:00 pm -- Ate and played PS2 golf.
11:15 pm -- Ate and watched "Transformers: The Movie."
1:15 am -- Wondered why I didn't drink while watching that movie.
1:45 am -- Passed out, possibly while drinking.
Aren't you sad you missed it? Keep the last weekend in April open next year.
Friday, April 27, 2007
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