2012 fantasy recap -- week 17

We managed to sneak a recorder into the Eagles locker room at halftime on Sunday to get audio of Andy Reid's final speech leading the Philadelphia football team. Here it is, unedited:

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Five minute warning, Andy. 

OK, guys, listen up. I've been doing this for 14 years, and this may be the last time I speak to you as head coach of this team. So there's a few things I wanna get off my chest.

First, I take full responsibility for our record this year. I know I say that after every game, and I really mean it. But, c'mon, we all know it's Vick's fault, right? I mean, the guy is turning the ball over left and right, he's always getting hurt ... who could have seen this coming? No one, that's who.

Also, this defense has been terrible. I thought signing more cornerbacks would solve our problems, but that didn't work. I just don't get it. Why can't any of you 5-4, 140 pound DBs tackle anyone? I wish we could go back to the days where you had linebackers on the field. But, as you know, drafting linebackers for your team was banned by the league back in 2003.

If I have one regret during my time here, it's that we were too predictable of an offense. Pass-Pass-Pass-Run-Pass? Everyone knows what's coming. You know what would have caught defenses off guard? Pass-Pass-Pass-Trick Pass-Pass. But, no, just because we have talented RBs, "the man" says we have to use them. What a waste of an opportunity.

Two minutes, Andy.

There's just one last thing I wanna say. In all my years in football, the most important lessons I learned from failure, not success. If there's one thing you take away from this speech, it's this one pearl of wisdom. It can make you a better football player, and a better player.

And that lesson is this: No matter what the score is, always remember that ..

Time's up, Andy. We gotta go.

Awww. Crap. I never did figure out that two minute drill. 

Top fantasy performers of the year

3rd QB: Tom Brady, 409.28 pts -- Ant, 4th QB drafted
2nd QB: Aaron Rodgers, 422.63 pts -- Mike, 2nd QB drafted
1st QB: Drew Brees, 432.08 pts -- Me, 3rd QB drafted

3rd WR: AJ Green, 255.80 pts -- Jim, 4th WR drafted
2nd WR: Calvin Johnson, 277.93 pts -- Joel, 1st WR drafted
1st WR: Brandon Marshall, 286.33 pts -- Jim, 8th WR drafted

3rd RB: Arian Foster, 295.37 pts -- Bob, 1st RB drafted
2nd RB: Doug Martin, 296.37 pts -- Joel, 17th RB drafted
1st RB: Adrian Peterson, 341.17 pts -- Me, 10th RB drafted

3rd TE: Jason Witten, 197.27 pts -- Jim, 10th TE drafted
2nd TE: Jimmy Graham, 204.47 pts -- Ant, 1st TE drafted
1st TE: Tony Gonzalez, 204.50 pts -- Dad, 9th TE drafted

3rd K: Matt Bryant, 161.00 pts -- Joel, 9th K drafted
2nd K: Stephen Gostkowski, 166.50 pts -- Sam, 2nd K drafted
1st K: Blair Walsh, 168.00 pts -- Ant, undrafted

3rd DEF: Denver, 221.00 pts -- Heidi, undrafted
2nd DEF: Seattle, 223.00 pts -- Me, 7th DEF drafted
1st DEF: Chicago, 257.00 pts -- Bob, 2nd DEF drafted

3rd D: Von Miller, 85.50 pts -- Me, undrafted
2nd D: Charles Tillman, 92.50 pts -- Dad, undrafted
1st D: JJ Watt, 95.50 pts -- Joel, undrafted

Usually I compile these "best of the year" lists to show how badly we/Yahoo drafted, but except for the RBs, these rankings were pretty close to predicted. And I was surprised that AP fell as far as he did (again, Yahoo's fault, not ours) because he was the sixth or seventh off the board in my other leagues.

So good job to everyone, except for Paul, Jo and Jeff, who didn't manage to land a single one of the 21 top performers on this list. I don't want to spoil tomorrow's unveiling, but they didn't fare well in the standings. 

"Worst performers of the year" edition

5th place: Brock Osweiler, -0.84 pts -- on the wire
4th place: Brit Miller, -1.24 pts -- on the wire
3rd place: Graham Harrell, -1.50 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Josh Johnson, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Ryan Mallett, -2.22 pts -- on the wire

Four of the bottom five were backup QBs, but the Patriots replacement for Tom Brady takes the title as the worst player of the year. True, he only played a few downs, going 1-4 for 17 yards and one INT (and a rush for -7 yards), but it was enough to separate him from the rest of the fantasy elite.

Although, if we're being honest, Brock Osweiler was the worst player on the year, because, come on, that's a pain in the neck to spell.

Think you know how bad the Eagles season was? Think again.

** The Eagles finished 4-12 for the first time ever this season. It's their worst finish of the Andy Reid era, and their second worst finish of the last 36 years (excluding strike years).

** For the first time in seven years, the Eagles didn't have a rusher or receiver break 900 yards this year. In 2011, it took RB LeSean McCoy only 9 games to top that mark. This season, he managed fewer than 800 yards in 11 games played.

** The Eagles and Maryland Racial Slurs were both 3-6 when the two teams met back in November. The Maryland team had a rookie QB, a rookie RB and a defense ranked last in the league. After that game, the Eagles went 1-6 in their final seven games to finish 4th worst in the league. The Racial Slurs went 7-0 and won the NFC East.

** As a team, the Eagles had 37 turnovers which lead to 137 points for their opponents. On the season, the Eagles were -129 in point differential. The Indianapolis Colts had a -30 point differential, but still made the playoffs (as a #5 seed).

** The Eagles are about to hire the 20th coach in team history. Only one of the 19 previous coaches took the team to the playoffs in their first year. That one was Ray Rhodes, who went 29-34 in his four seasons and 1-2 in the post-season.

Jeff Lurie, at the press conference where he fired Andy Reid:

"These fans deserve the very best, and this year they got a team that wasn't very good."

It took until Dec. 31, but the Eagles owner closed out 2012 with the understatement of the year.

Vikings RB Adrian Peterson fell just short of the single-season rushing record on Sunday, compiling 2,097 yards in his 16 games this year. To show just how impressive that effort was, here's a few comparisons to help put that number in no perspective whatsoever:

 ** Peterson's rushing total was more than the combined season total of all seven NFL coaches fired on Monday.

** If you laid all 2,097 yards end to end, you'd have a line just short of 2,100 yards.

** If Peterson's rushing yards were passing yards, he'd have covered more ground than QBs like Chad Henne, Matt Cassell and Nick Foles.

** Peterson rushed for 969 yards in his last six games alone, which would have been good enough for 18th on the season rushing leaders list.

** Peterson now holds the single-season rushing record for all players whose names start in the second half of the alphabet, N through Z.

On Sunday, for the third time in five years, the Cowboys had a chance to clinch the division title in the final game of the season. And, on Sunday, for the third time in five years, the Cowboys lost. And that's wonderful.

A huge part of that loss was a dreadful fourth-quarter INT by Dallas QB Tony Romo, his third of the game. That kind of terrible play shouldn't be surprised to anyone with anagram expertise (or anyone who has seen him play over the last seven years): 

Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo, clutch performer

** Quart of choke, crumb 'o terror. No calm. Wept, cry. 

It's been an awful football season , but at least today you can drink in some sad Dallas tears to help wash the terrible taste out of the year.

** Congrats to Dad, who defeated my momentum in the final week of the regular season and finished the year three ahead in our annual picks. For the record, I went 160-106 on the year, a 62.5.6 win percentage. Dad's 163-103 record put him just a hair under 64 percent correct. Both of those scores are better than 10 of ESPN's 12 football experts, as well as the popular picks and computer projections. There's really no reason why we couldn't do this for a living.

** Props to Jim, who in the final week of the season cut all of his backups and picked up a slew of mediocre Eagles to fill out his team. As a result, he lead the league in drops and disappointment this week.

** While we're talking about Steelers fans, it's worth noting that this is the first years since the 1999 season -- when Andy Reid started his stint with the Eagles -- that neither Pennsylvania team has made the playoffs. And what happened after that post-season? A disaster of an national election process and the start of a decade-long division in the country. It's not a coincidence, my friends.

** Only 43 days until pitchers and catchers report. It'll be tough to last between now and then, since there will be no sports worth watching over the next month.

Final standings ... will be unveiled tomorrow, in our season recap and annual awarding of the Awesome Cup.