2012 fantasy recap -- week 15

The Mayan apocalypse is scheduled for this Friday, time to be determined. If there's any doubt that the world is going to end, consider the following football facts: 

** The Maryland Racial Slurs are in first place.

** The New York Jets still can make the playoffs.  

** The single-season rushing record and receiving record both could fall this month, one year after the single-season passing mark was broken.

** The Arizona Cardinals (5-9) are longing for the days of QB Kevin Kolb (4-2 in games he played). 

** The Seattle Seahawks are a more likely playoff team than the Pittsburgh Steelers.

** QB Eli Manning could easily end up with a third Super Bowl ring next month. 

After looking at that list, I am looking forward to the end of days. 

QB: Russell Wilson, 41.40 pts -- on the wire
WR: Andre Johnson, 27.07 pts -- started by Sam
RB: Adrian Peterson, 27.20 pts -- started by me
TE: Dennis Pitta, 27.33 pts -- on my bench
K: Blair Walsh, 25.00 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: Arizona, 28.00 pts -- on the wire
D: JJ Watt, 13.00 pts -- started by Joel

Second week in a row I left a top performer on my bench (that'll teach me to make fun of Heidi) but I started the #2 QB (Drew Brees) and #2 TE (Aaron Hernandez), so don't worry about me too much.

"Players I was sure retired" edition

3rd place: Luke McCown, -0.30 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Shane Vereen, -0.73 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Mewelde Moore, -0.90 pts -- on the wire

Did you know that Mewelde Moore (his name means "the welder" in Finnish) has been in the league for nine years, plaed for 120 games, and accumulated more than 2,200 rushing yards? That's like 18 games worth of work for Adrian Peterson.

Remember when both Luke McCown and Josh McCown were considered possible starters in the NFL? No? Lucky you.

Possible Christmas gifts I saw on display at a Philly-area Modell's this weekend:

-- Lego Mike Vick, $13
It came with it's own football, but the figurine somehow he fumbled it away.
-- Jonathan Papelbon bleacher mask, $11
This was just Papelbon's face, with an elastic band. It was as scary as it sounds.
-- Sean Couturier Jersey, price unknown
When I went to look at the tag, an NHL official appeared and prevented me from seeing any more.
-- Andrew Bynum T-shirt jersey, $25
It was sitting on a broken hanger. Go figure.
-- Nnamdi Asomugha jersey, 25 percent off
But the jersey was so small it didn't cover anything ... much like the CB himself.
-- Michael Young t-shirt, $15
Is it sad when the most exciting thing in the store is the new guy's shirt?

ESPN had a story on its web front Monday that Racial Slurs QB Robert Griffin III has the top selling jersey in the NFL this year, a combination of his remarkable play thus far and the team's sudden resurgence.

They also had a sidebar titled "Griffin will still be the starter after injury," clarifying that the rookie, whom the team spend three first-round draft picks to get, will not be permanently replaced by fifth-round backup QB Kirk Cousins, who performed well in a win over the Browns on Sunday.

That's a bold and surprising decision, said no one anywhere in America.

NFL teams posted four shutouts this weekend, the most ever in a single day in league history (probably not. I didn't bother to look it up, but that doesn't seem too high. Also, there were only three shutouts). Here's a look at just how bad each one was:

4 -- Falcons 34, Giants 0
Analysis: The least surprising of the blowouts on Sunday. Atlanta dominated every aspect of this game, and everyone in America knows that when these two meet again in the playoffs, the Giants will win by 20. New York doesn't start trying until it has to.

3 -- Saints 41, Bucs 0
Analysis: An ugly, ugly game for Tampa Bay, but New Orleans is the kind of team that routinely pulls these kind of blowouts. Still, following a soul-crushing loss to the hapless Eagles with a goose-egg performance to a division rival is embarrassing.

2 -- Dolphins 24, Jaguars 3
Analysis: How bad is Jacksonville? They're so awful, they can't even get shut out right. They kicked a FG in the first five minutes of the game, then stopped playing any offense or defense for the next 55 minutes.


1 -- Raiders 15, Chiefs 0
Analysis: Kansas City had 119 yards of total offense on Sunday and lost to a team that never scored a touchdown. The two teams had a combined 5-21 record coming into the contest. There's no way to pretend this wasn't the worst game in the NFL all season.

The Cowboys on Sunday picked up their second overtime win this season against an AFC Central opponent  (seriously, Pittsburgh, you guys stink). The victory puts them in a three-way tie for first place with the New Jersey Giants and aforementioned Maryland Racial Slurs, which means ... oh, hell, I'll just let the anagram say it:

** Dallas Cowboys defeat yet another squad in overtime 
Yo, dead era quote: The NFC East is really bad now. Vomit.

Is it too late to petition the league and ask that none of these teams get in the post-season?

Week 15 standings

Ahem. That's more like it.

Sam's bold decision to start an injured, benched RG3 and my second 180-plus pt week of the year helped me erase a 55-pt deficit and reclaim the top spot in the rankings. With two weeks left in the season, it's still anyone's title to grab.

... as long as anyone is Sam, Bob or I. Maybe Joel, if he has two unbelievable, record-breaking weekends. Definitely not Anthony.

** Picked up two more on Dad, now I sit three back in our weekly picks. To borrow a phrase, everything is coming up Millhouse.

** The Phillies signed P John Lannan this week. I thought about writing a whole section on just how much I hate that guy, but here's the quick version. He has a lifetime 6.49 ERA at Citizens Bank Park. He was a key pitcher on three Washington Natinals that lost more than 90 games. And he has 21 career hit batters ... 11 of whom are Phillies. He has beaned Chase Utley three times (and broke his hand in 2007) and hit Ryan Howard five times. I hate this guy. It wouldn't surprise me to see him "slip" in his first game and fire a wild pitch at Howard's head, as he stands unsuspectingly at first base.


** Looks like Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow will be available at the end of the season, now that the Jets have given up on both of them. How about a trade for Mike Vick? Or a mass deportation of all three?