2012 fantasy recap -- week 14

Seventy days passed between the Eagles' last win (on Sept. 30) and their victory over Tampa Bay on Sunday. For a little perspective, here's what happened during their eight-game, 70-day losing streak:

-- All of the presidential debates, and the election.
-- The entire MLB postseason, all 36 games.
-- Eight combined losses by the San Antonio Spurs and Oklahoma City Thunder, in 40 games.
-- The firing of the Eagles D coordinator, defensive line coach, offensive line coach, plus the loss of their starting QB and RB and WR
-- All of October and November

QB: Cam Newton, 41.08 pts -- started by Jim
WR: Brandon Marshall, 26.67 pts -- started by Jim
RB: David Wilson, 32.54 pts -- on the wire
TE: Anthony Hernandez, 23.87 pts -- started by me
K: Steven Hauschka, 16.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 46.00 pts -- on my bench
D: Richard Sherman, 14.00 pts -- on the wire

Good week for Jim ... until you look and see that he left 43 more points on his bench, which would have been enough to jump him up from 10th place to 7th.

But the bonehead move of the week goes to me, for benching the top scoring defense of the year just moments before kickoff on Sunday. The defense I started, Cleveland, was actually the second highest scoring play on the week for that position, with 19 pts. But that move alone cost me 27 points. Just awful.

"Terrible QBs" edition

3rd place: Colt McCoy, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Ryan Mallet, -2.30 pts -- on the wire
1st place: John Skelton, -5.84 pts -- on the wire

Stay with me, this is going to take a while.

So that Seattle Defense? They collected 8 turnovers from the hapless Cardinals, including five from Arizona QB Skelton, in their 58-0 victory.

Skelton's day was the worst by a QB this year, and likely one of the worst of all time. He threw more TDs to the other team (one) than to his own team (zero). The Seattle secondary had almost as many return yards off his INTs (64) as the Cardinals receiving corps had on his passes (74). And his pathetic QB rating of 18.2 is even worse when you calculate his reverse QB rating (assuming he was actually playing for Seattle):

Skelton as a Cardinal:
11 for 22, 74 yards, zero TDs, 4 INTs -- 18.2 rating
Skelton as a Seahawk:
4 for 22, 64 yards, 1 TD, 11 INTs -- 15.2 rating

So he was only a slightly better passer for his team than his opponent. He also lost a fumble, because his day wasn't bad enough.

It's almost college football bowl season, that wonderful time of year when we see the best of the NCAA square off on the field ... and 26 other games too. But it's still a valuable business model for the NFL to explore. Think of it -- instead of a single elimination playoff, they could have ...

The Kraft Fight Hunger bowl
Eagles vs Jets
-- It works on so many levels. Both head coaches (Andy Reid and Rex Ryan) are oversized gluttons, and both won't be able to put food on the table after they're fired at years end.

The Beef O Brady Bowl
Patriots vs Chiefs 
-- Because its QB Tom Brady against QB Brady Quinn, that's why.

The Little Caesars Pizza Bowl
Cowboys vs Redskins 
-- Dallas owner Jerry Jones and Maryland owner Dan Snyder both have Napoleon complexes (and Napoleon height), so this fits perfectly.

The Heart of Dallas Bowl
No participants
-- Dallas has no heart. End of story.

The BCS national championship
Texans vs Fighting Irish 
-- Lets face it -- no one in the NFL is any good. This might decide who really deserves to be called the best team in the nation.

The Washington Post (great for news, awful for sports) ran a great story this week titled "Wizards bench makes its mark" which spoke about the valuable contributions by the non-starters on DC's pro basketball team, contributing more than half of the squad's scoring.

Except, at the time the article was written, the Wizards were 1-13. No one on the team has been making any mark. They were producing more than half of the league's lowest scoring average. That's like being the skinny kid at fat camp. It doesn't make you good, it just makes you less bad.

The story also noted that the "backups" have changed nearly every game, as the coach rotates players out of the starting role. So it's not that the Wizards have decent backups. It's just that whoever they start, they end up stinking for that game.

Projecting ridiculous trends at the beginning of the year is always a hoot, but several players never dropped off pace and are now on the verge of setting new records for single-season greatness. Here's what's within reach:

-- A new receiving record
Lions WR Calvin Johnson has collected 1,546 yards receiving so far this year, putting him on pace for 1,902 yards. He "only" has to average 101 yards over his last three games to beat Jerry Rice's 1,848 record set in 1995. And he's doing it despite the Madden curse this year, making it even more remarkable.

-- A 2,000 yard rusher
Only six players in NFL history have topped the 2K rushing mark, and Adrian Peterson isn't one of them. But he could be. He has 1,600 yards so far this year, and would need to average an impressive 134 yards a game the rest of the way to do it. In his last five games, he has topped 150 four times.

-- A new sack record
49ers LB Aldon Smith (who you've never heard of) already has 19.5 sacks this season, leaving him just three sacks away from Michael Strahan's completely BS record of 22.5 sacks. Vikings DE Jared Allen missed out on the record by 0.5 sacks last season, so maybe Smith can wipe Strahan from the record books this year.

-- Most punts in a season
It's not a record any team wants, but Arizona could claim it. Right now Cardinals P Dave Zastudil has 89 punts on the season, just 25 short the NFL record (held by Bears P Bob Parsons and Texans P Chad Stanley). In his last three games, Zastudil has 22 punts. Two weeks ago, he had 10 in one game. And the Cardinals haven't gotten better since then.

-- A new safety record
Eight players have tallied a defensive two-pointer this season, putting them withing striking distance of joining an elite fraternity. Only 18 players in NFL history have recorded two safeties in a single season (Jared Allen is the only one you've ever heard of). One lucky end zone sack could add another name to the list.

Just when you think the Cowboys new players can't possibly be more evil, you see an anagram like this one that lays bare the very nature of their poisoned souls:

Dallas Cowboys Backup Tight End/special teams rookie James Hanna
** Alas, his music be joke. No Megadeath, only kids bop. Twas a clap trance. 

Not my best work, but I really got sidetracked when I saw the change to get "Megadeath" in an anagram. How often do heavy metal bands come up naturally in people's names?

Yes, it was totally natural. Nothing about that giant string of words is unnatural.

Week 14 standings

Three weeks left, and it's still a three-person race. Sam is still sitting on top, but I should point out that I just beat the snot out of him for the second time this season in the head-to-head league we're both in. If we both win our playoff match-ups next week, I'll be able to smack him down for a third time this year. And then I'll come back here and steal this title away from him too.

And Bob? Yeah, he's still got a chance. But, really, c'mon, he still has Romo on that team.

** Split my picks with dad for the week, so I'm still five back with three weeks left. Honestly, that's much better than I thought this year was going to go. I was down 11 four weeks into the season (maybe. I don't feel like going back and checking). For the year, I'm 127-80, picking 62% of the games right. Dad is at almost 64%. That means if you bet on every game we picked ... you'd have a severe gambling problem.

** Best joke I told this week, and no one has laughed at it so far: Washington is very concerned with the severity of QB Robert Griffin III's leg injury, so, as a precaution, they're going to bench P Stephen Strasburg for the remainder of the season. You can't be too careful.

** Eagles on Thursday night football this week, against the Bengals. Last time these two teams played, it ended in a tie. But that was before they fixed the NFL with these new, awesome overtime rules.