2011 fantasy recap, week 8

** Dallas hadn't given up 100 yards rushing in a game all year coming into this week. On Sunday night, the Eagles had that midway through the 2nd quarter.

** Dallas had averaged almost 32 mins of possession coming into this week. On Sunday night, they had the ball for under 18 mins, thanks to that Eagles rushing attack.

** Dallas had the best receiver on the night (Laurent Robinson, 103 yards) and the top defensive player (DeMarcus Ware, 4 sacks) on Sunday. And that didn't matter at all.

** Dallas had 12 first downs in the game. The Eagles had 10 first downs in the first quarter.

** Dallas got crushed. Just crushed.

QB: Cam Newton, 30.90 pts -- started by Ant
RB: Steven Jackson, 34.03 pts -- started by Bobert
WR: Antonio Brown, 21.33 pts -- started by Jim
TE: Brent Celek, 19.27 pts -- on the wire
K: Nick Novak, 15.00 pts -- started by Bobert
DEF: Buffalo, 32.00 pts -- started by Ant
D: Cliff Avril, 17.50 pts -- on the wire

Shady McCoy rushes for 185 yards and two TDs, and he's not even the second-highest fantasy scoring back this week (Ravens RB Ray Rice edged him out by 0.10 pts). Tough competition.

"WRs that you sorta know" edition
3rd place: Ted Ginn Jr, 0.22 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Donte Stallworth, 0.20 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Blair White, 0.04 pts -- on the wire

I've been doing these recaps for eight years now, and I can't remember a single week where there wasn't at least one fantasy player in negative points. But not this week. Every QB who played earned points, every skill player hit positive points, every defense was above zero.

Just so someone can be made fun of properly here, it's worth noting that the best fantasy player to date is Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers with 228.38 pts, and the worst player on the season is his backup, QB Matt Flynn, with -2.20 pts. Coming in at second worst at -1.80 pts is QB Vince Young, who I think still plays for the Titans. I mean, if he played for the Eagles I'd see him every once in a while, right?

Three weeks ago, Wisconsin was 6-0, boasting a top 10 scoring offense and scoring defense, and appeared to have a solid track to the Big Ten Title game and possibly a national championship appearance.

Two weeks ago, Wisconsin lost 37-31 to Michigan State on a last-second Hail Mary touchdown pass, ruining their undefeated season.

Last week, Wisconsin lost 33-29 to Ohio State on a last-minute Hail Mary tocuhdown pass, ruining their chances at a Big Ten title.

It'd be ridiculous to say that God has it out for the Badgers, or that the losses are the work of divine intervention. But it's pretty clear the Blessed Mother can't stand their guts.

Brian Billick, former head coach of the Ravens, was the FOX color commentator for the Baltimore-Arizona game on Sunday (because that's sure to provide fair and unbiased analysis). In the fourth quarter, with the game tied, Cardinals QB Kevin Kolb tossed a high but completed pass which also drew a pass interference penalty. Billick's response:

"I'd say that's an uncatchable ball, except that he did catch it."

Billick routinely refers to "Philly's great former RB Michael Westbrook" when calling Eagles games, so it's pretty clear he's just a few head shots away from the PUP list (Physically Unable to Pronounce). Still, it would probably help if he tried thinking before he talked next time.

First it was "planking," then "batmaning," then "owling." Now, the next great viral trend is "Tebowing" -- posing with one knee down in a moment of victory prayer, like Broncos QB Tim Tebow does. Or, it was a trend, until the Detroit defensive line used the pose as a mocking taunt after sacking Tebow repeatedly on Sunday. But, to keep you ahead of the game, hereare the next photobomb trends to expect:

** TO-ing: In honor of WR Terrell Owens, making as much noise as possible in public, to see what media attention you can get.

** Eli-ing: In honor of Giants QB Eli Manning, posing with a slack-jawed, vacant stare as the world passes by.

** Redskin-ing: In honor of the Maryland Racial Slurs defense, celebrating wildly even when your team is being shut out.

** Ochocinco-ing: In honor of Patriots WR Chad Ochocinco, disappearing in public.

** Farve-ing: In honor of QB Brett Farve, saying you're going to sit down, sitting down, then standing up again, saying you're going to sit down, and repeating.

** McNabb-ing: In honor of Vikings QB Donovan McNabb, dry heaving after every action.

** Romo-ing: In honor of Cowboys QB Tony Romo, posing as if you're choking.

If you're part of the Dallas coaching staff, what do you say to your team after an embarassment of a game like that on Sunday? Luckily, if you're Cowboys' Defense Coach Rob Ryan, all you need to do is rearrange the letters in your title a little bit:

Dallas defensive coordinator Rob Ryan
Sorry, vile brood: A nadir, no NFC East lead

For the record, nearly every single week, no matter which Cowboy's player or coach I pick, I always seem to have the right letters to spell "vile" or "evil." Coincidence? I think not.

Week 8 standings

While the rest of us tread water, Anthony is making his way up towards the promised land. Too bad he can't start both Cam Newton and Mike Vick every week.

** Lost another week to Dad, now I'm back to three down in our weekly standings. But we both correctly picked the winless Rams to thump the 5-2 Saints, proving our prognosticating skills. Or, at least that's what we're saying publicly.

** Your FCS football update: Delaware beat Towson on Saturday night, 35-30, preserving the Hens slim playoff hopes for this season. At 5-4, it has been a rough season for Delaware, but at least they're not Villanova (1-8 on the season). Towson's record? Nobody cares.

** Great news from ChampMike, whose son was born just a few hours ago -- both mom Heidi and the baby are happy and healthy. However, we also have terrible news from the league office: Baby Doyle has already tested positive for illegal performance enhancing drugs, and received a one-year ban from fantasy league play like his mother. Somebody really has to clean up that household.