2011 fantasy recap, week 9

Think you know your NFL tight ends? Then see if you can identify which of the following names are players in the league today and which are characters from the Australian sitcom "Acropolis Now"

Colin Cochart Bengals TESitcom star
Joel Dreessen Texans TESitcom star
David Ausberry Raiders TESitcom star
Michael Hoomanawanui Rams TESitcom star
Jameson Konz Seahawks TESitcom star
Schuylar Oordt Jaguars TESitcom star
Ryan Winterswyk Falcons TESitcom star



You can stop clicking that now -- they're all NFL players. And for the record, I'd only ever heard of one of them before this week.

However, "Acropolis Now" was a real TV show, and it did have an NFL connection -- main character Aristotle Hatzidimitropoulos was, of course, named after the late Chargers quarterback Jimmy Hatzidimitropoulos.

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 39.08 pts -- started by Bobert
RB: Willis McGahee, 28.30 pts -- started by me
WR: Vincent Jackson, 34.40 pts -- started by ChampMike
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 21.23 pts -- started by Ant
K: David Akers, 16.00 pts -- started by Jo
DEF: Arizona, 22.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Patrick Peterson, 13.54 pts -- started by ChampMike

Weird fact: None of the top six fantasy defenses on the week (Arizona, St. Louis, Dallas, Atlanta, Denver and Miami) are owned in our league. Another weird fact: Miami has a defense. I was not aware they were still playing both sides of the ball.


3rd place: Julian Edelman, -1.09 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Delone Carter, -1.20 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Oakland, -4.00 pts -- started by Bobert

Ouch. That defensive mistake alone cost Bobert 17 pts this week, and he also started two injured players. But that's nothing compared to Dad, who left an incredible 54 pts on his bench this week, mostly in the form of QB Phillip Rivers and RB Marshawn Lynch (33.03 pts and 21.03 pts, respectively). In fairness, though, even Rivers was surprised to see himself scoring points again.

Midway through the season, here are the stats you didn't expect:

** Patriots QB Tom Brady (338 yards per game) is on pace for 5,406 passing yards this season, which would shatter the single-season record of 5,084 yards.

** The San Franciso 49ers (7-1) enjoy a five-game lead in the NFC West, and could clinch the division before Dec. 1 with wins in their next three games.

** Titans RB Chris Johnson, who set an NFL record with 2,509 yards from scrimmage two years ago, is barely on pace for 1,000 rushing and receiving yards this season.

** The Eagles vaunted trio of Pro-Bowl CBs (Nnamdi Asomugha, Asante Samuel, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie) have as many INTs this season as unknown S Kurt Coleman had in one game this year (three).

** The Colts really, really stink.

On Saturday night, I saw this TV listing:

"SyFy channel: WWE Monday Night Raw, guest starring the Muppets."

Saturday night/Monday night science fiction wrestling with puppets? Don't think about that too long, or your brain will catch fire.

Got a request this week to create some Giants anagram insults, to go along with the Cowboys ones. There's a few problems with this. First, I don't "create" these anagrams -- this is the natural evil of the damned shining through in their own names. And second, this isn't just something you can turn on and off. With the Cowboys, the evil is so blatant, so rampant, it's erupting from the player's titles, like dopeyness flowing from Eli Manning's face.

All that said, it's clear that the Giants are only slightly less demonic than the Cowboys, so I took a close look into their souls and found the following:

** Giants Eli Manning
I am entangling sin

** New York Giants running back Ahmad Bradshaw
Awkward days: A broken man cursing anything. Bah!

** Chris Snee
Cheer sins

** New York Giants wideout Victor Cruz
Zero work grist. Dunce can't outwit ivy.

** Defensive end Osi Umenyiora
I endeavor you: Sin, feed me a sin

Seriously, it's tough to look at any of the players and not have the word "sin" jump out at you. I don't know what's going on over there in New Jersey, but it should be against the law.

I'll be honest with you -- after that slate of anagrams, I'm not gonna find anything as evil and disgusting on the Dallas roster. So, I'm not even going to try this week. I'm just gonna grab a random name off the list and ...

** Dallas Cowboys linebacker Keith Brooking
Glory! The dark news: I cook bacon, kill babies

Seriously. Non-stop erupting evil.

Week 9 standings

Now we're talking. A stumble from NewMike and solid weeks from Ant and I make the race for the championship more interesting. But there's still plenty of fake football to be played.

** Dad and I are just trading punches at this point. I picked up another game on him this week, now sit two back for the year. And somehow I still picked the Vikings and Lions games wrong this week, even though both were on a bye.

** Thome!

** Where would you put the post-season odds for the Broncos or the Browns? Because at 3-5, they have the same chances at the playoffs as the Eagles.

** Thursday night game this week. Don't come crying to me if you forget to set your rosters early.

** I actually had a lengthy segment on the "Game of the Century" between LSU and Alabama on Saturday night, but the jokes ended up being boring. Not as boring as a ridiculously hyped 9-6 overtime game, but you get the idea.