2011 fantasy recap, week 11

With Thanksgiving just a few days away, here's what various NFL teams are thankful for this season:

** New England Patriots
Thankful no one found the new cheating cameras
** Minnesota Vikings
Thankful Brett Favre hasn't unretired ... yet
** San Francisco 49ers
Thankful the NFC West is still an awful division
** Chicago Bears
Thankful they haven't had major injuri... aw, c'mon!
** Cleveland Browns
Thankful the season is almost over
** New York Jets
Thankful Rex Ryan hasn't eaten any players ... yet
** Philadelphia Eagles
Thankful Eli Manning still had his annual rivalry choke job ready

QB: Matt Stafford, 39.60 pts -- started by New Mike
RB: Kevin Smith, 40.07 pts -- on the wire
WR: Nate Washington, 28.67 pts -- on Dad's bench
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 22.40 pts -- started by Ant
K: David Akers, 12.00 pts -- started by Jo
DEF: Miami, 26.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Chris Clemons, 12.00 pts -- on the wire

You know who's having a great season? The kicker for the 8-1 San Francisco 49ers, a Mr. David Akers. He leads all kickers in fantasy points (115, 26 more than WR DeSean Jackson has on the year) and is second in the league in scoring with 91 pts. Not bad for someone too washed up to get a multi-year contract from his former team.

"All offense" edition
3rd place: Lorenzo Booker, -0.80 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Keiland Williams, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: John Skelton, -2.04 pts -- on the wire

Just one week after looking like a Hall of Famer against the Eagles D, Cardinals QB John Skelton crashed back down to earth with a 99-yard, 3 INT performance against the 49ers that saw him benched in the fourth quarter. His replacement was Richard Bartel, the great QB from Tarleton State. How rare is it when you've never heard of a football player or the college he went to?

Bartel has apparently been in the league since 2007, bouncing between the Cowboys, Browns, Jaguars, Cardinals and Sacramento Mountain Lions. One of those teams isn't in the NFL, but I can't remember if it's the Mountain Lions or the Jaguars.

More notes about that big Giants defeat Sunday night:

** QB Eli Manning has lost six straight games to the Eagles on his home field in New Jersey, and seven of his nine career starts against them there.

** Eli's career record in September and October is an impressive 37-14. His record in November and December is a paltry 27-33.

** QB Vince Young is 3-0 against Manning and the Giants in his career.

** Sunday's game was the first time this year the Eagles were the underdog. The Giants were favored by 6 points.

** The Eagles game-winning, 9-minute, 18-play drive was their longest since 2002.

** That drive also featured 6 third-down conversions, one more than the Giants had all game.

If that's not enough comedy for you, here's a great Eli photo gallery from the 700 Level.

ESPN's Bob Ley on Sunday was recapping the previous wild weekend in college football, noting that the #2, #4 and #5 ranked teams all lost. The BCS, he said, "is tossed in the air like 52-card pickup."

I thought the point of 52-card pickup was the picking up, but whatever. It's what Ley said next that caused a brain aneurysm.

Ley rolled right into the highlights from Alabama's convincing win on Saturday, pointing out that the #3 team didn't fall victim to the rash of upsets. The 45-21 win over Georgia Southern included a blocked kick TD, which prompted Ley to say "How ironic is it that Alabama couldn't make their field goals against LSU but they returned a blocked FG for a TD here?"

I'll answer that question: It's zero ironic. It's not even coincidental. Those are two completely unconnected thoughts, except they both involved FGs. "It's the same as me saying "How ironic is it that I'm writing about Bob Ley and we have a Bob in the league?"

When people use words that badly, it literally makes my head explode. Literally. I'm amazed I can type this with a gaping head wound.

At 2-8, Carolina still has a chance. Here's how:

** The Panthers win their next five games.
** The Saints lose their next five.
** The Falcons lose five of their last six, beating only the Saints.
** The Bucs go no better than 3-3, and lose to Carolina twice.

If that happens, the winner of the Pathers/Saints regular season finale will be 8-8 and the champion of the NFC South. And pink falcons will fly out of QB Cam Newton's butt.

Dallas snagged its second overtime win of the season on Sunday, upending the Maryland Racial Slurs 27-24. We know that every Dallas win is bad, but what you might not realize is the cosmic disgust that an extra-time Cowboys win causes. Just look:

Dallas Cowboys steal overtime win
Ye lot sad: Villain team crows, we sob.

I also could have written "crow team villians" but we weren't talking about Ray Lewis and the Ravens.

Week 11 standings

Anthony holds on for another week, and ChampMike is making a charge towards the top. Meanwhile, my sage advice cost Dad 15 pts this week and Jo 29 pts. I guess what I'm saying is, you're welcome.

**Dad picked up another game on me, and sits three game ahead in our weekly picks. But he picked against the Eagles on Sunday, which should haunt him forever.

** If I told you last June that QB Vince Young would throw a TD pass to WR Steve Smith, you never would have thought I'd be talking about the Eagles.

** I hate Browns RB Chris Ogbonnaya, both for how difficult it is to spell his name and what he did to my other fantasy team this week. I'm gonna get RB Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala to come out of retirement and beat him up.

** If I have to remind you that there's football on Thursday this week, you have failed at being an American. Just move to Waziristan now.