2011 fantasy recap, week 7

For those of you keeping score at home.

** Chris Redman (Falcons)
Zero for 1, zero yards, 39.6 rating
** Michael Spurlock (Bucs)
Zero for 1, zero yards, 39.6 rating
** You (No team)
Zero for 1, zero yards, 39.6 rating
** Matt Hasselbeck (Titans)
14 for 30, 104 yards, 1 TD, 2 INTs, 38.8 rating
** Curtis Painter (Colts)
9 for 17, 67 yards, 1 INT, 38.1 rating
** Charlie Whitehurst (Seahawks)
12 for 30, 97 yards, 1 INT, 25.0 rating
** Kyle Boller (Raiders)
7 of 14, 61 yards, 3 INTs, 22.3 rating
** Carson Palmer (Raiders)
8 of 21, 116 yards, three INTs, 17.3 rating

For the record, you were also better on Sunday than Eli Manning, who used the bye week to pratice his interception face.

QB: Drew Brees, 43.00 pts -- started by Joel
RB: Arian Foster, 42.43 pts -- started by Ant
WR: Marques Colston, 25.53 pts -- started by Mike
TE: Jimmy Graham, 21.60 pts -- started by Paul
K: Mason Crosby, 18.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: Kansas City, 40.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Donald Butler, 13.00 pts -- on the wire

Coming into this week, we only saw three players top 40 points all season. This week, we had three more, including a unheard of 40-point defensive performance, the best in fantasy football history (note: probably not, but I'm not fact-checking that.) Foster nearly doubled his fantasy output for the year on Sunday (107 pts total now). RB Chris Johnson? He still stinks.

"Those terrible QBs" edition
3rd place: Curtis Painter, -0.22 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Kyle Boller, -0.66 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Carson Palmer, -1.36 pts -- on the wire

I know I already made fun of Palmer and Boller, but I really can't exaggerate that just how bad they were in Oakland's 28-0 loss on Sunday to Kansas City. And it gives me a chance to pull out one of my favorite stats: The Reverse QB rating.

Assume, if you will, that these guys were actually playing for the Chiefs instead of the Raiders. Both threw an INT returned for a TD. Both completed multiple passes to the KC defense. So, if we run their numbers backwards, here's what their QB rating looks like:

Palmer (as a Raider)
8 of 21, 116 yards, three INTs, 17.3 rating
Palmer (as a Chief)
3 of 21, 60 yards, 1 TD, 8 INTs, 15.8 rating
Boller (as a Raider)
7 of 14, 61 yards, 3 INTs, 22.3 rating
Boller (as a Chief)
3 of 14, 51 yards, 1 TD, 7 INTs, 26.4 rating

Just awful, any way you cut it.

We're not even halfway through the season, and already it's very clear who should win the NFL MVP this year: Colts QB Peyton Manning. Sure, he has't played a single down this season, but consider how awful Indianapolis has been without him:

2010: 381 yards of offense per game
2011: 280 yards of offense per game

2010: 27.2 points scored per game
2011: 15.9 points scored per game

2010: Defense on the field 30:30 per game
2011: Defense on the field 35:36 per game

2010: 45 percent 3rd down conversion rate
2011: 36 percent 3rd down conversion rate

And the most telling stat? Last year, after seven games, the Colts were 5-2. This year? 0-7, with nary a win in sight.

Normally I just like to highlight mis-speaks and idicotic statements here, but I need to take a little different approach this week. On Oct. 14, football analyst Matt Millen, who put together the worst team in NFL history when he was GM of the Lions, had this to say about Detroit's recent sports success:

"I think it's awesome. I think it's fantastic. I'm especially happy for those fans -- they deserve it. They've been waiting for this for decades."

Since those comments, the Lions -- who were undefeated at that point in the season -- have lost two games in a row in which they were favored, and the Detroit Tigers were eliminated from the MLB playoffs.

When will we as Americans recognize that every time Matt Millen speaks, it causes irreparable damage to the city of Detroit? Haven't they suffered enough?

** Since QB Mike Vick joined the Eagles, the team has gone 1-4 against the Cowboys, and has been outscored by 46 points total in those contests.

** In games where Vick has appeared against the Cowboys, including his time in Atlanta, Vick is a mediocre 2-3 against the Cowboys.

** In their last five prime-time games against Dallas, the Eagles are 1-4.

** Sunday's Eagles-Cowboys game is in Philly. In their last five games at home, the Eagles are 0-5.

** The Cowboys last week rushed for 298 yards against the Rams, a team that coming into the game was giving up 4.8 yards per carry to opponents. The Eagles rush defense? It's currently giving up 4.8 yards per carry to opponents.

Maybe setting expectations lower will make next Sunday less painful.

Cowboys rookie DeMarco Murray burst onto the NFL scene this weekend with an impressive 253-yard performance against St. Louis on Sunday (which, since it was against the 0-7 Rams, only counts as 87 yards). Murray was a college star at Oklahoma, but not much has been known about what kind of pro player he'll be. Of course, when we look at his name ...

Dallas rookie RB DeMarco Murray
A armored-abs crook. I'll murder ya.

... we can see that on top of being pure evil, Murray is also grammatically challenged. We use "an" when the next word starts with a vowel, Mr. Murray. Think about that during your next killing spree.

Week 7 standings

Paul could have used that 40-point KC defense this week: Instead, he decided to start the Bengals D, even though they were on a bye. Normally, that'd be enough to earn you a spot of ridicule in this column, but Joel one-upped him by starting three players on a bye. If you take his QB out of the mix (Brees), he had 11 other players score a breathtaking 46 points. Around here, we call that kind of failure "Andy Reid" coaching.

What's Anthony doing near the top again?

** I'm now only two back on Dad in the weekly picks, but I'm 3-4 in my other fantasy league (where money is involved). I lost this week by 0.9 pts, thanks to the last-minute FG put up by the Jags against the Ravens D. If anyone knows friends in the NFL stats department, let me know if you can get an extra sack added to Baltimore's total, and I'll be back in business.

** World Series update, game six: I still don't care.

** Following up on the RB Jerome Harrison trade from last week: I'm glad his pre-trade physical found his potentially life-threatening brain tumor early enough for him to get treatment, and I understand he won't be playing at all this year. All I'm saying is, I'd still rather have him on the roster now than RB Ronnie Brown.

** Since I feel like most of this post was doom and gloom this week, here's something to cheer you up.