Fantasy recap week #13

Time for everyone’s favorite game



     How well do you know the NFL? Pick out which of these players have completed a pass for the 0-12 Detroit Lions this year:

-- QB Daunte Culpepper: Lion or lying?
-- QB John Kitna: Lion or lying?
-- QB Tim Rattay: Lion or lying?
-- QB Drew Henson: Lion or lying?
-- QB Drew Staton: Lion or lying?
-- WR Calvin Johnson: Lion or lying?
-- QB Dan Orlovsky: Lion or lying?
-- QB Joey Harrington: Lion or lying?

     Bonus point if you can name the only one to post a QB rating over 100 for the season. Give up? So did they!



Top performers



QB: Donovan McNabb, 36.80 pts – started by Ant
RB: Brian Westbrook, 39.33 pts – started by Ant
WR: Mark Clayton, 29.21 – sitting on the wire
TE: Jason Whitten, 22.67 pts – started by Heidi
K: Rob Bironas, 21.00 pts – started by Bob
D: Dave Ball, 13.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Indy, 33.00 pts – sitting on Jim’s bench
     Anthony also started the second- and third-best RBs on the week (DeAngelo Williams at 35.13 pts and Thomas Jones at 29.20 pts) en route to our highest point total this year, 192.23. More on that in the standings below.



Worst Performers, Backup QBs edition



3rd place: Kevin Kolb, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Matt Cassel, -0.64 pts – sitting on Heidi’s bench
1st place (tie): Ken Dorsey, -2.00 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place (tie): Jordan Palmer, -2.00 pts – sitting on the wire
     Second week in a row Kolb managed negative points (-3 rushing yards and no completions in his one series on Thanksgiving.) For the year he’s actually worth 0.36 pts (with 144 passing yards, six rushing yards and three INTs) which puts him in 63rd place in the league, just behind Tom Brady (who played about five minutes this season).



Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     Here’s a quick recap of WR Plaxico Burress’ year so far:

-- Sept. 3: Signs a new five-year, $35 million contract with the G-men.
-- Sept. 4-14: Posts 15 catches, 214 yards in the Giants first two games.
-- Sept. 24: Suspended one game for skipping practice.
-- Oct. 19-Nov. 16: Posts 13 catches, 137 yards over a five-game span.
-- Nov. 18: Suffers a hamstring injury, misses two games.
-- Nov. 28: Shoots himself in the leg, faces a possible three years in jail.

     So the Giants’ front office gets the prize this week, for their impeccable ability to judge talent and character. Seems like that was money well spent.



Stupidest thing I heard this week



     After the tribute to Safety Sean Taylor before the Giants/Racial Slurs game, Fox commentator Daryl Johnson said Eli Manning and his crew were in for a tough start: “With all the emotion on the field and in the stands here, I don’t know how the Giants are going to be able to hold it together against this team.”
     He was right – it took the Giants seven whole plays to score their first touchdown, and after 12 minutes they were only up 10-0. I don’t know why they bothered to show up.
     Idiot.



Greatest football game ever



    Don’t know how I missed this last week – here’s the top fantasy performers from the Division II playoff game Nov. 22 where Abilene Christian University beat West Texas A&M by a 93-68 score:
-- WTAM QB Keith Null: 595 pass yds, 7 TDs; -13 rush yds
    ** (64.5 fantasy points)
-- ACU RB Bernard Scott: 292 rush yds; 3 catches, 61 yds; 7 TDs
    ** (80.3 fantasy points)
-- WTAM WR Charly Martin: 14 catches, 323 yds, 5 TDs
    ** (76.3 fantasy points)
-- WTAM K James Chandler: 2 FGs, 8 XPs
    ** (14.0 fantasy points)
-- ACU Defense: 68 pts allowed, 1 fumble, 1 sack
    ** (-3.00 fantasy points)
    In all the game had 1,531 yards of offense and only one turnover.
    And so you don’t have to look it up, the all-time scoring record is still a 1916 game where Georgia Tech beat Cumberland 222-0. Tech had 1,650 yards rushing in the game and never attempted a pass; Cumberland had -82 yards of total offense.



Cowboys anagram insult of the week



     Dallas lost their punter earlier this season, and now their backup is 27th in the league in punting average. That’s not good, but the team should have seen it coming after carefully examining “Cowboys rookie punter Sam Paulescu.”
     ** Our pious replacement way sucks. Boo!
     I don’t know what dude’s religious beliefs have to do with his punting, but apparently the Cowpokes see a connection. That’s just the kind of people they are.



Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1645.49 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1624.28 pts
3rd place: Donnie loves Westy, Ant – 1609.00 pts
     Ant’s surge coupled with a so-so week for Mike opens up the race for first place again. Six teams are within 100 pts of the leader, and if Westbrook scores four TDs every week Ant could overtake the top spot quickly.
     Meanwhile, with his 76-point performance this week Neal has now posted four of the six worst weekly scores, and yet somehow still leads Jeff by 51 pts. But if both can post 300 pts this weekend they’ll be right back in it.



News and notes



-- I’ll be doing advance scouting for the Pro Bowl this weekend, so I’m not even bothering to get worried about the Giants game.
-- The Phils are still world champs, by the way.