Fantasy recap week #15

Time to play everyone’s favorite game




     Think you know the NFL? See if you can determine which of the names below are 2008 Pro-Bowlers, and which are deranged maniacs from Lethal Weapon 2:

Andre Gurode: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Adolph Vorstedt: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Brendon Ayanbadejo: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Roger Murtaugh: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Arjen Rudd: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Nnamdi Asomugha: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Nick Mangold: Pro Bowl or psycho?
Terrell Owens: Pro Bowl or psycho?

     OK, so TO isn’t a movie character. But he’s certainly a deranged psycho, and he’s not listed on the Pro Bowl squad…





Top performers



QB: Matt Cassel, 32.52 pts – sitting on Heidi’s bench
RB: Pierre Thomas, 32.89 pts – sitting on Paul’s bench
WR: Andre Johnson, 30.80 pts – started by Bob
TE: Dallas Clark, 27.47 pts – started by Jim
K (tie): Rob Bironas, 14.00 pts – started by Bob
K (tie): John Kasay, 14.00 pts – sitting on Ant’s bench
D: Brandon McDonald, 14.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Philadelphia, 22.00 pts – started by Jo
     It’s not often that the top defensive player is the guy who played opposite the top defense on the week, but McDonald (the Browns CB) managed six tackles, three pass defenses, two picks and a TD in Monday night’s game. And his team lost by 20, so thanks for your efforts.
     Meanwhile, Vikings coach Brad Childress would like you to know that while Tavaris Jackson was not the top QB this week (4 TDs, 30.82 fantasy pts) he was better than the QB you decided to start this week. So there.





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     The race for last place in the league has never been more exciting.
     Neal is doing everything he can to race towards the bottom and win the season-ending comparison to the Detroit Lions; This week, he started three players who didn’t register a point and left 28 points on his bench.
     But his efforts pale in comparison to the master, the man for whom we briefly had to rename this award. Jeff hasn’t started a defensive player since October, started two players who registered no points, and left 29 more on his bench this week en route to the worst weekly total so far: 57.99 pts. If it weren’t for the Lions Kevin Smith and his 21-point week, Jeff might not have cracked 50.
     Jeff now sits in last place 80 points below Neal (who sits 120 points behind 10th place). Start the victory parade now.
     For the record, Paul left 46 pts on his bench this week and didn’t even get mentioned for the bad coach award. Until now, of course.





Worst Performers, crappy backups edition



3rd place: Tony Scheffler, -0.10 pts – started by Paul
2nd place: Derek Stanley, -1.22 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Kevin Kolb, -2.20 pts – sitting on the wire
     Oh, Kevin Kolb, when won’t you be among the worst players of the week? Kolb makes his third appearance in the toilet this week after yet another dreadful mop-up performance last night.
     On the season, Kolb has a 21.8 QB rating with 144 yards passing, four picks and no TDs. In fact, if you figure out his stats as if he were throwing to the other team, he’d have 132 passing yards, 17 INTs but two TDs, giving him a reserve QB rating of 23.3.
     So Kolb is actually doing more to help the other team win than to help the Eagles. No question he’s the QB of the future – a very cold, dreary future.





Stupidest thing I heard this week



     On ESPN’s NHL ticker Saturday afternoon:
     DET: Chelios -- game time decision (broken leg)
     I’m not a doctor, but I would guess the guy with a broken leg isn’t going to be able to work ice skates tonight.





A public service announcement



    From the NFL rule book regarding the field and field boundaries:
    ** The goal line is actually in the end zone. A player with the ball in his possession scores a touchdown when the ball is on, above, or over the goal line. **
    So next time hold onto the ball until after you cross the goal line. Are we clear? HOLD ONTO THE BALL UNTIL YOU CROSS THE GOAL LINE.
    Thanks for your cooperation.





Cowboys anagram insult of the week



     Sometimes I stare at the Cowboys roster and just know it represents the absence of all things good and pure. Take, for example, “Dallas linebacker Steve Octavien” and the obvious message therein:
     ** Tie-clad rascal evokes an evil bent
     Never trust people wearing ties. Never.





Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1889.86 pts
2nd place: Donnie loves Westy, Ant – 1887.93 pts
3rd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi –1867.90 pts
     This is getting good.
     A mere two points separate first and second place, another 20 separate second and third, and Bob is just another 32 points behind Heidi. Much like the Iggles playoff chances, this one is going to come down to the final week.





News and notes



-- There’s a Thursday night game and a Saturday night game this weekend. Please take all appropriate precautions.
-- The Phils still won the World Series, by the way.