Grading the Eagles draft grades

Here's a recap of how sports analysts broke down the Philadelphia Eagles' picks in this weekend's NFL, and how each of them performed.

** Mel Kiper, ESPN
His analysis: B-plus overall, A for value
Grade of his work: F
-- A multi-step grade is far too complicated. Can you fail in a chemistry test but get an A for effort? Sure, in a crappy charter school you can. But this is the big leagues, not New Jersey's suburbs.

** Eliot Harrison, NFL.com
His analysis: "overall winner"
Grade of his work: F
-- Again, this analysis misses the point of the grading system. Do we want a real perspective on which teams did well? Of course not. We want easy to digest grades. This isn't a pass/fail test. This is real fake grading.

** Evan Silva, Rotoworld
His analysis: C-minus
Grade of his work: F
-- His grading includes the phrase "All of Philly's rookies look like good values" and then he gives them the lowest grade in the NFC. Because that makes sense.

** Washington Post
Their analysis: B-plus
Grade of their work: F
-- Only one team got an A, and no team got worse than a C-. We want Ds and Fs. If everybody gets good grades, then clearly no one in the class has learned anything.

** Chris Burke, SI
His analysis: B
Grade of his work: B
-- Seems fair

** Rob Rang, CBS Sports
His analysis: A-minus
Grade of his work: F
-- Rang names only six of the Eagles eight draft picks in his 200-word analysis, omitting their fifth and final seventh round picks. Doesn't he know those marginal talents are the heart of draft grading? How can you decide if a team performed well without looking at the 239th player chosen?

Overall draft grading grade: D-minus

-- Too much repetition, too much effort making a simple, pointless letter into an actual grading exercise. I'd give the Eagles a B-plus for their draft. Wanna know why? None of your business, that's why. I'm the instructor, you can't question my authority. The end. Learn from my genius, folks. 

Eagles draft pick preview

With the draft just two days away, here's a look back at Eagles recent first round draft pick history:

2012: Defensive Lineman
2011: Offensive Lineman
2010: Defensive Lineman
2009: WR
2008: None
2007: None
2006: Defensive Lineman
2005: Defensive Lineman
2004: Offensive Lineman
2003: Defensive Lineman

Here's a look at their projected first-round pick this year:

CBS.com's Rob Rang: Defensive Lineman
CBS.com's Dane Brugler: Offensive Lineman
CBS.com's Pete Prisco: Defensive Lineman
NFL.com's Gil Brandt: Offensive Lineman
NFL.com's Josh Norris: Defensive Lineman
NFL.com's Matt Smith: Defensive Lineman
ESPN's Todd McShay: Offensive Lineman
Fox.com: Offensive Lineman

NFL draft fever -- catch it!

One man show

A quick look at the MLB RBI leaders so far, and just how much of their team's offense they account for:

I woulda though Utley was higher, since appears to be the only member of the Phillies who can hit.

Full data is here, if anyone should need it.

Bad pitching = good result

Number of game into the season it took the Phillies to give up 48 runs, by year:

2007 -- 9 games (later lost division playoffs)
2008 -- 9 games (later won World Series)
2009 -- 8 games (later lost World Series)
2010 -- 11 games (later lost NLCS)
2011 -- 14 games (later lost division playoffs)
2012 -- 17 games (missed playoffs)
2013 -- 7 games

Clearly, all this terrible pitching is great news -- the Phillies are on pace to win the World Series again.

The costs of baseball excellence

The Houston Astros (who won MLB's season opener last night) have an opening day payroll of $24.3 million, the lowest of any team and a little more than one-tenth what the Yankee's team costs right now ($229 million). A lot has been made that Alex Rodriguez alone ($29 million) will make more than the Astros' entire slate of players, but here's a look at what slice of the Phillies you could get for that little cash:

-- P Cliff Lee ($25M) for every start this year except one
-- P Roy Halladay ($20M) and P Kyle Kendrick ($4.5M)
-- SS Jimmy Rollins ($11M) and P Jonathan Papelbon ($13M)
-- Five C Carlos Ruizes ($5M)
-- Every outfielder on the roster (Laynce Nix at $1.35M, Delmon Young at $750K, John Mayberry at $517K, Ben Revere at $515K, Domonic Brown at $500K, Feddy Galvis at $490K) plus 1B Ryan Howard ($20M)
-- Fifty C Eric Kratzes ($496K)
-- One P Cole Hamels from 2013 ($19.5 M) and one P Cole Hamels from 2009 ($4.4M)
-- 1,435,294 baseballs from the Phillies official store ($17 each)

Recent Philly sports success

A brief look back at recent post-seasons:

** LaSalle's wins in the current NCAA tournament: 3

** Temple's wins in the current NCAA tournament: 1

** Other Philly sports playoff wins in the last 10 months, all pro and college spots: 0

** Other Philly sports teams to advance past the first round of the playoffs in the last 12 months, all pro and college sports: 2 (Flyers, Sixers)

** Other Philly sports teams to advance past the first round of the playoffs in the last 24 months, all pro and college sports: 3 (Flyers 2 times, Sixers)

So ... go Explorers.

Field of 64, Philly style

It's that time again. The last 12 months were awful for Philadelphia sports, but that doesn't mean we can't still find a clear winner. Or, at the very least, we can eliminate the 63 losers...

(Click the picture to view the full bracket already)

Goodbye and good riddance

In honor of the departure of overhyped and overpaid CB Nnamdi Asomugha, here's a look back at some of the highlights of his tenure with the Eagles: the anagrams of his name.

** Anguish and ammo
** I am human gonads
** Housing a madman
** A handgun mimosa
** Damn iguana mosh
** Ado, hamming anus
** No hugs, mama and I
** I can't cover anything.

OK, maybe that last one was a stretch...

Next season's sports-themed shows

Next week, ABC plans to debut its new show "Splash," which features athletes and c-list celebs learning how to dive off 10-meter platforms. The show's initial title, "The 8 p.m. bellyflop hour," was rejected in favor of the current one.

Still, the show is expected to be such as success that the networks have already ordered a slate of similar sporting-based shows for the fall schedule. Here's a preview:

Hopscotch (on FOX): Michael Irvin, Roger Clemens, John McEnroe and the cast of "The Real Housewives of Tulsa" pair up with professional playground enthusiasts to see which team can skip all the way to the top.

Clean sweep (on NBC): As a lead up to their 2014 Olympic programming, producers pit the world's top curling teams against Jeremy Roenick and his band of retired NHLers in a winner-take-all contest. But this time, checking is allowed.

Fish out of Water (on ABC): The New England Patriots linemen have what it take to protect Tom Brady, but can they save themselves in a game of Marco Polo against Joan Rivers?

Chutes and Losers (on CBS): Ever wonder how Betty White would do in a high-stress game of Chutes and Ladders? No? Too bad! This show pits her against unsuspecting New Yorkers, with a $500 prize on the line.

Tag (on TNT): Charles Barkley and some local schoolkids play tag. That's it. Series lasts 17 episodes.

Hole in the Wall (on Fox): Contestants stand at the end of a conveyor belt and have to angle their body in the shape of a hole in a wall to earn points. Oh, wait, that already happened.

Spring training facts

Extrapolating the likely Phillies season-end stats based on four spring training games:

RBI leader: 162, C Tommy Joseph
SB leader: 81, OF Ben Revere
Hits leader: 231, 2B Yuniesky Betancourt
Runs leader: 202, 1B Ryan Howard
HR leader: 81, OF Domonic Brown
** projected new MLB record

Wins leader: 54, RP Zach Miner

** projected new MLB record 

Ks leader: 235, SP Roy Halladay

BBs leader: 200, SP Tyler Cloyd

Losses leader: 54, RP Jonathan Papelbon

** projected new MLB record 

ERA leader: 0.00, SP Cliff Lee

** projected new MLB record 

Projected Phillies record: 41-81-40

I know 40 ties is unlikely, considering there haven't been any in baseball's regular season in about 100 years, but they do have that weird new interleague schedule, so ...

Phillies 2013 Spring Training ads

After the success of last year's early ad campaign, the Phillies are back with a new, grittier set of ads for the start of the 2013 season:

The State of Philadelphia Sports address, 2013

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, fellow citizens:

Well, the Sixers lost yesterday, the Flyers lost yesterday, the Eagles resigned Mike Vick, and Chooch is suspended for the first 25 games of the baseball season.

Yeah, the state of our union is not good.

At least the state of the Philadelphia Union is still ok (0-0-1).

God bless America.

Greatest colleges ever

A full list of schools who can claim a U.S. vice president and a Super Bowl MVP among their alumni:

1 -- University of Michigan
VP: Gerald Ford
MVP: Tom Brady, Desmond Howard

2 -- University of Delaware
VP: Joe Biden
MVP: Joe Flacco

3 -- None

And, just to add to the prestige, see if you can identify which helmet is from which school:

Super Bowl rooting interests

Not sure who to root for in the Super Bowl as an Eagles fan? Take these athletes with local ties into consideration:

San Francisco 49ers
** K David Akers
-- Spent 11 years with the Eagles, setting team records in career points, FG made, and about 700 other categories. He also completed one pass for 11 yards during that time.
** TE Garrett Celek
-- Younger brother of Eagles TE Brent Celek. He has four catches for 51 yards on the season.
** CB Chris Culliver
-- Second-year defensive back was born and raised in Philadelphia, but played high school ball in North Carolina.
** LB NaVarro Bowman
-- The Pro-Bowl linebacker played college football at Penn State.

Baltimore Ravens
** S Sean Considine
-- Drafted by the Eagles in 2005, Considine collected more than 110 tackles as a defensive back over his first four years. This season, he has played mainly special teams.
** RB Bernard Pierce
-- The Ardmore native and Temple star has been a key backup for the Ravens, rushing for more than 500 yards on the season.
** C Gino Gradkowski
-- Rookie offensive lineman was a fourth-round draft pick from University of Delaware, where he served as a co-captain during his senior year.
** QB Joe Flacco
-- The five-year pro is the highest NFL draft pick in University of Delaware history (18th overall) and arguably the most successful pro player in school history (with apologies to Rich Gannon).
** LB Jameel McClain
-- The Philadelphia native and George Washington High star was placed on injured reserve for the season in late December.
** Coach John Harbaugh
-- Spent nine years on the Eagles coaching staff, and served as special teams coordinator during the team's 2004 Super Bowl run.

The Ravens have an impressive list of Philly connections, but let's be honest -- you really don't care about anyone on this list other than Akers. Here's hoping he gets his ring.

Philadelphia's 1991-1992 season

Key figures in the Philadelphia sports world during the 1991-1992 season:

** Eagles QB Jim McMahon -- 2,239 yds, 12 TDs, 11 INTs. Took over as the team's signal caller when the electrifying yet fragile Randall Cunningham was injured in the early season.

** Phillies 1B John Kruk -- .294 AVG., 92 RBI, 21 HRs. Led the team in most power categories, but never  reached those offensive numbers again in his career (although he did improve his average and runs scored).

** Flyers C Rod Bind'Amour -- 33 goals, 44 assists. Led the team in points but posted only a -3 plus/minus for the season. The team finished sixth in the division.

** Sixers PF Charles Barkley -- 23.1 pts per game, 11.1 rebounds per game. In his last season in Philadelphia, the popular "round mound of rebound" put up all-star worthy numbers for a squad that only posted a 35-47 record.

Why bring them up now? Because 21 years ago was the last time that all four Philadelphia teams missed the playoffs in the same year. With the Eagles and Phillies already posting failures, the Sixers in 9th place in the conference, and the Flyers dropping their first three games of the shortened NHL season, it's suddenly a real possibility again.

The Eagles search for a new head coach

Partial list of coaches under consideration for the Eagles head coaching spot:

** Former Bears coach Lovie Smith (pending)
** Former Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt (pending)
** Seahawks defense coach Gus Bradley (pending)
** Bengals offense coach Jay Gruden (pending)
** Colts offense coach Bruce Arians (pending)
** Oregon coach Chip Kelly (rejected)
** Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly (rejected)
** Penn State coach Bill O'Brien (rejected)
** Retired coach John Gruden (won't return calls)
** Retired coach Brian Billick (really? are we that desparate)
** Retired coach Vince Lombardi (dead)
** Phillies coach Charlie Manuel (pending)
** Patriots coach Bill Belichick (pleading)
** Chiefs coach Andy Reid (probably not)
** Papa John's spokesman Peyton Manning (pending)
** Retired coach Bill Cowher (naaaah)
** Homeless man who just walked by the stadium (pending)

The worst Super Bowl outcomes left

Now that the Maryland Racial Slurs have been crippled eliminated from the post-season, here are the four worst possible Super Bowl match-ups remaining:

5 -- Patriots vs 49ers
The two weeks leading up to the big game would be full of "dynasty vs. dynasty" talk, even though New England has lost its last two championship games and the 49ers haven't been there for almost two decades.

4 -- Patriots vs Packers
Which QB would you rather have: Brady or Rodgers? Here's a better question: Which team can refuse to acknowledge the run game more? Why do we have RBs anyway?

3 -- Patriots vs Seahawks
The Seahawks are responsible for most boring Super Bowl of the last decade (SB XL, also known as the one they handed to Jerome Bettis). The Patriots are the Patriots.

2 -- Ravens vs Falcons
There's a good chance that this could be the first Super Bowl that ends 3-0. There's also a great chance that Ray Lewis will be named MVP before a down is played, regardless how poor he plays.

1 -- Patriots vs Falcons
A battle for the ages: An undeserving Boston fan base that still feels persecuted despite eight sports championships since 2000, playing against an undeserving Atlanta fan base that struggles to sell out playoff games. Both loser and winner whine incessantly.

2012 fantasy recap -- final standings

All good things must come to an end. But before we say goodbye to 2012 completely, lets look back at how the fantasy season shook out:

I heart WRs (Paul)
Projected Points: 2106.41 pts (7th place)
Actual Points: 1720.68 pts (12th place)
NFL Equivalent: Jacksonville Jaguars
Analysis: Much like the woeful Jags, Paul's squad was done in by poor coaching and players who simply quit on the season (I'm pretty sure Paul stopped setting his roster in week 9). But, much like the woeful Jags, no one noticed he was still playing after December rolled around, so I guess it evens out. Paul did manage to set two league records this year -- the most TDs in a week (10, week 6) and the least TDs in a week (1, week 11) -- so there's at least that bit of trivia to keep him warm in the cold off-season.

Fool for Foles (Joanner)
Projected Points: 2147.77 pts (5th place)
Actual Points: 1964.93 pts (11th place)
NFL Equivalent: Philadelphia Eagles
Analysis: It's hard to point to one thing that killed Joanner's team this season, but ... no, wait, it's not. It's the same thing that killed the Eagles: Michael "the turnover machine" Vick. He ended the season with more turnovers (15) than TDs (13) and scored fewer fantasy points than luminaries like Brandon Weeden, Ryan Tannehill and Christian Ponder. On the bright side, if she ends up with him again next year, he won't have a "PHI" tag next to his name.

Romney's tax returns (Jim)
Projected Points: 2079.56 pts (8th place)
Actual Points: 2011.52 pts (10th place)
NFL Equivalent: Cleveland Browns
Analysis: Jim ended up with two of the top three WRs in the game, the #3 TE overall and ... not much else, really. He took a disappointing Cam Newton with his first-round pick, preserving his "never take a RB first" philosophy and hitching his ground game to Michael Turner and Jonathan Stewart. Come to think of it, that's the opposite of the Browns, who have a great RB and nothing else. But I know how much Steelers fans like being compared to Cleveland teams, so we'll leave it like that.

Joe Buck Yourself (Ant)
Projected Points: 2486.41 pts (2nd place)
Actual Points: 2021.81 pts (9th place)
NFL Equivalent: New York Giants
Analysis: Last year's Awesome Cup champion had some late flashes of brilliance, but like dopey Eli Manning, he won't be defending his title in the playoffs. Of course, we don't have playoffs, but that's not the point. The point is Anthony's team was a wreck and Eli Manning is a dope. That dude tanked two of my other fantasy teams this year and is so awful I've run out of ways to ridicule him. And he has two Super Bowl rings. I have to go throw up again.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Projected Points: 2200.08 pts (4th place)
Actual Points: 2047.14 pts (8th place)
NFL Equivalent: Tennessee Titans
Analysis: Jeff had the best team in the league if we used 2011 stats instead of 2012. Matt Stafford, LeSean McCoy, Roddy White, and Reggie Bush all had killer seasons last year. This round, not so much. If you're keeping score, this is the third former Awesome Cup champion to finish in the bottom five this campaign. 2012 was not kind to returning champions. Well, most of them, at least.

Sheldon Cooper (Dad)
Projected Points: 2146.77 pts (6th place)
Actual Points: 2089.69 pts (7th place)
NFL Equivalent: New York Jets
Analysis: How does a team with Peyton Manning finish in the bottom half of the league? Practice, practice, practice. (Hold on, I'm still working on that joke. I'll come back). Injuries to Ryan Matthews, Maurice Jones-Drew and Greg Jennings kept most of his A-Team on the sideline, and without a Hannibal or Face to bail the team out, they were sunk. (I don't think that A-Team reference works either. Come back to that too.) Also, Dad had Dwayne Bowe on his team, and that guy is fantasy poison. He's the modern equivalent of Fred Taylor.

Cheatstrong (ChampMike)
Projected Points: 2501.33 pts (1st place)
Actual Points: 2116.60 pts (6th place)
NFL Equivalent: USC Trojans
Analysis: Sixth place is a disappointing finish for ChampMike's proud squad, always a pre-season favorite in the polls. He did reclaim the "best team name" title, but it was a hollow victory. On the plus side, his players probably pull in a smaller salary than the actual USC team does, and his coaching decisions weren't so bad that we're vacating his last championship title. So, maybe there are worse fates than the middle of the pack.

Timmy and the Jets (Joel)
Projected Points: 2001.03 pts (9th place)
Actual Points: 2153.62 pts (5th place)
NFL Equivalent: Chicago Bears
Analysis: This is Joel's highest finish ever in the league (I'm pretty sure, but I'm not going back to double check), so fifth place is a bit of a victory for him. I picked him to finish worse solely based on taking WR Calvin Johnson with his first-round pick, but that and most of the rest of his choices turned out pretty well. What killed his title chances? QB Eli Manning, of course. Even when he didn't start that dope, his suckiness pervaded the team. I hate that guy so much...

Baby's First Team (Heidi)
Projected Points: 1999.29 pts (10th place)
Actual Points: 2200.97 (4th place)
NFL Equivalent: Seattle Seahawks
Analysis: Very quietly, Heidi put together an impressive campaign this year, slowly rising up the standings to steal a top-four finish. We all know it was steroid-related, of course, but because of the Olympics and the Lance Armstrong case, we simply didn't have the manpower available this year to drug test her regularly. We'll try and get that corrected for next year. In the meantime, we'll put an asterisk next to her finish, just in case.

The Bob-Dammits (Bobert)
Projected Points: 1788.93 pts (12th place)
Actual Points: 2999.09 pts (3rd place)
NFL Equivalent: Dallas Cowboys
Analysis: Everybody was rooting for the groom-to-be to pull out the title this year, but Bob's fate was sealed on draft day when he ended up with Tony Romo. When it came down to the final weeks of the season, with the trophy on the line, Bob's team faltered like Tony Romo in the fourth-quarter of a December game. Unlike the Cowboys, however, Bob will learn from his mistakes, and remember not to rely on those same losers next season. Also, Bob has a soul.

Kickers rule (Sam)
Projected Points: 1864.55 pts (11th place)
Actual Points: 2314.19 pts (2nd place)
NFL Equivalent: Maryland Racial Slurs
Analysis: Sam used rookie sensation Robert Griffin III to mount his own worst-to-first story this season, topping the standings for much of the year and threatening to win his first Awesome Cup championship despite not watching any football at all this year. Seriously, Sam has no idea what is going on in the NFL right now. If you told him the Saints were favored to win the Super Bowl, he would believe you. And he finished second. What are you people doing out there?

T-Old and T-Over (Capt. Awesome)
Projected Points: 2321.21 pts (3rd place)
Actual Points: 2384.55 pts (1st place)
NFL Equivalent: New England Patriots
Analysis: Yes, my friends, miracles can happen. When you organize the league, run the league, and provide in-depth weekly analysis recaps for the league, sometimes you can overcome the odds and win the league too. This latest victory makes me the first three-time champion in league history, and gives me three titles and two second-place finishes in the last decade (much like a certain insufferable Boston-area football team). But, unlike Tom Brady, I'm beloved by friends and colleagues, and don't need fame and fortune to make me happy.

But, if you must, feel free to bow down and admit defeat at the sight of the latest inscription on the Awesome Cup:

Thanks again for playing this year, and don't forget that I'm posting something ridiculous just about every week at this spot. Also, you only have seven months to get your 2013 draft order set, so get cracking. Try to put up more of a fight against my awesomeness next season.

2012 fantasy recap -- week 17

We managed to sneak a recorder into the Eagles locker room at halftime on Sunday to get audio of Andy Reid's final speech leading the Philadelphia football team. Here it is, unedited:

---------------------------------------------------

Five minute warning, Andy. 

OK, guys, listen up. I've been doing this for 14 years, and this may be the last time I speak to you as head coach of this team. So there's a few things I wanna get off my chest.

First, I take full responsibility for our record this year. I know I say that after every game, and I really mean it. But, c'mon, we all know it's Vick's fault, right? I mean, the guy is turning the ball over left and right, he's always getting hurt ... who could have seen this coming? No one, that's who.

Also, this defense has been terrible. I thought signing more cornerbacks would solve our problems, but that didn't work. I just don't get it. Why can't any of you 5-4, 140 pound DBs tackle anyone? I wish we could go back to the days where you had linebackers on the field. But, as you know, drafting linebackers for your team was banned by the league back in 2003.

If I have one regret during my time here, it's that we were too predictable of an offense. Pass-Pass-Pass-Run-Pass? Everyone knows what's coming. You know what would have caught defenses off guard? Pass-Pass-Pass-Trick Pass-Pass. But, no, just because we have talented RBs, "the man" says we have to use them. What a waste of an opportunity.

Two minutes, Andy.

There's just one last thing I wanna say. In all my years in football, the most important lessons I learned from failure, not success. If there's one thing you take away from this speech, it's this one pearl of wisdom. It can make you a better football player, and a better player.

And that lesson is this: No matter what the score is, always remember that ..

Time's up, Andy. We gotta go.

Awww. Crap. I never did figure out that two minute drill. 

Top fantasy performers of the year

3rd QB: Tom Brady, 409.28 pts -- Ant, 4th QB drafted
2nd QB: Aaron Rodgers, 422.63 pts -- Mike, 2nd QB drafted
1st QB: Drew Brees, 432.08 pts -- Me, 3rd QB drafted

3rd WR: AJ Green, 255.80 pts -- Jim, 4th WR drafted
2nd WR: Calvin Johnson, 277.93 pts -- Joel, 1st WR drafted
1st WR: Brandon Marshall, 286.33 pts -- Jim, 8th WR drafted

3rd RB: Arian Foster, 295.37 pts -- Bob, 1st RB drafted
2nd RB: Doug Martin, 296.37 pts -- Joel, 17th RB drafted
1st RB: Adrian Peterson, 341.17 pts -- Me, 10th RB drafted

3rd TE: Jason Witten, 197.27 pts -- Jim, 10th TE drafted
2nd TE: Jimmy Graham, 204.47 pts -- Ant, 1st TE drafted
1st TE: Tony Gonzalez, 204.50 pts -- Dad, 9th TE drafted

3rd K: Matt Bryant, 161.00 pts -- Joel, 9th K drafted
2nd K: Stephen Gostkowski, 166.50 pts -- Sam, 2nd K drafted
1st K: Blair Walsh, 168.00 pts -- Ant, undrafted

3rd DEF: Denver, 221.00 pts -- Heidi, undrafted
2nd DEF: Seattle, 223.00 pts -- Me, 7th DEF drafted
1st DEF: Chicago, 257.00 pts -- Bob, 2nd DEF drafted

3rd D: Von Miller, 85.50 pts -- Me, undrafted
2nd D: Charles Tillman, 92.50 pts -- Dad, undrafted
1st D: JJ Watt, 95.50 pts -- Joel, undrafted

Usually I compile these "best of the year" lists to show how badly we/Yahoo drafted, but except for the RBs, these rankings were pretty close to predicted. And I was surprised that AP fell as far as he did (again, Yahoo's fault, not ours) because he was the sixth or seventh off the board in my other leagues.

So good job to everyone, except for Paul, Jo and Jeff, who didn't manage to land a single one of the 21 top performers on this list. I don't want to spoil tomorrow's unveiling, but they didn't fare well in the standings. 

"Worst performers of the year" edition

5th place: Brock Osweiler, -0.84 pts -- on the wire
4th place: Brit Miller, -1.24 pts -- on the wire
3rd place: Graham Harrell, -1.50 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Josh Johnson, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Ryan Mallett, -2.22 pts -- on the wire

Four of the bottom five were backup QBs, but the Patriots replacement for Tom Brady takes the title as the worst player of the year. True, he only played a few downs, going 1-4 for 17 yards and one INT (and a rush for -7 yards), but it was enough to separate him from the rest of the fantasy elite.

Although, if we're being honest, Brock Osweiler was the worst player on the year, because, come on, that's a pain in the neck to spell.

Think you know how bad the Eagles season was? Think again.

** The Eagles finished 4-12 for the first time ever this season. It's their worst finish of the Andy Reid era, and their second worst finish of the last 36 years (excluding strike years).

** For the first time in seven years, the Eagles didn't have a rusher or receiver break 900 yards this year. In 2011, it took RB LeSean McCoy only 9 games to top that mark. This season, he managed fewer than 800 yards in 11 games played.

** The Eagles and Maryland Racial Slurs were both 3-6 when the two teams met back in November. The Maryland team had a rookie QB, a rookie RB and a defense ranked last in the league. After that game, the Eagles went 1-6 in their final seven games to finish 4th worst in the league. The Racial Slurs went 7-0 and won the NFC East.

** As a team, the Eagles had 37 turnovers which lead to 137 points for their opponents. On the season, the Eagles were -129 in point differential. The Indianapolis Colts had a -30 point differential, but still made the playoffs (as a #5 seed).

** The Eagles are about to hire the 20th coach in team history. Only one of the 19 previous coaches took the team to the playoffs in their first year. That one was Ray Rhodes, who went 29-34 in his four seasons and 1-2 in the post-season.

Jeff Lurie, at the press conference where he fired Andy Reid:

"These fans deserve the very best, and this year they got a team that wasn't very good."

It took until Dec. 31, but the Eagles owner closed out 2012 with the understatement of the year.

Vikings RB Adrian Peterson fell just short of the single-season rushing record on Sunday, compiling 2,097 yards in his 16 games this year. To show just how impressive that effort was, here's a few comparisons to help put that number in no perspective whatsoever:

 ** Peterson's rushing total was more than the combined season total of all seven NFL coaches fired on Monday.

** If you laid all 2,097 yards end to end, you'd have a line just short of 2,100 yards.

** If Peterson's rushing yards were passing yards, he'd have covered more ground than QBs like Chad Henne, Matt Cassell and Nick Foles.

** Peterson rushed for 969 yards in his last six games alone, which would have been good enough for 18th on the season rushing leaders list.

** Peterson now holds the single-season rushing record for all players whose names start in the second half of the alphabet, N through Z.

On Sunday, for the third time in five years, the Cowboys had a chance to clinch the division title in the final game of the season. And, on Sunday, for the third time in five years, the Cowboys lost. And that's wonderful.

A huge part of that loss was a dreadful fourth-quarter INT by Dallas QB Tony Romo, his third of the game. That kind of terrible play shouldn't be surprised to anyone with anagram expertise (or anyone who has seen him play over the last seven years): 

Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo, clutch performer

** Quart of choke, crumb 'o terror. No calm. Wept, cry. 

It's been an awful football season , but at least today you can drink in some sad Dallas tears to help wash the terrible taste out of the year.

** Congrats to Dad, who defeated my momentum in the final week of the regular season and finished the year three ahead in our annual picks. For the record, I went 160-106 on the year, a 62.5.6 win percentage. Dad's 163-103 record put him just a hair under 64 percent correct. Both of those scores are better than 10 of ESPN's 12 football experts, as well as the popular picks and computer projections. There's really no reason why we couldn't do this for a living.

** Props to Jim, who in the final week of the season cut all of his backups and picked up a slew of mediocre Eagles to fill out his team. As a result, he lead the league in drops and disappointment this week.

** While we're talking about Steelers fans, it's worth noting that this is the first years since the 1999 season -- when Andy Reid started his stint with the Eagles -- that neither Pennsylvania team has made the playoffs. And what happened after that post-season? A disaster of an national election process and the start of a decade-long division in the country. It's not a coincidence, my friends.

** Only 43 days until pitchers and catchers report. It'll be tough to last between now and then, since there will be no sports worth watching over the next month.

Final standings ... will be unveiled tomorrow, in our season recap and annual awarding of the Awesome Cup.

2012 fantasy recap -- week 16

Christmas gifts available at NFL.com that just hit the bargain bin:

-- New York Jets Mark Sanchez jersey
-- Andy Reid "coach for life" Eagles caps
-- Commemorative plate: Jerry Rice's unbreakable single-season receiving record
-- New York Jets Tim Tebow jersey
-- New York Giants "back-to-back champions" t-shirt
-- "Play like Mike Vick" instructional DVDs
-- Atlanta Falcons playoff tickets
-- New York Jets "I'm a fan" t-shirt

QB: Tony Romo, 40.64 pts -- on the wire
WR: Dez Bryant, 35.93 pts -- started by Heidi
RB: Reggie Bush, 31.30 pts -- started by Jeff
TE: Lance Kendricks, 17.93 pts -- on the wire
K: Justin Tucker, 15.00 pts -- started by Paul
DEF: Chicago, 28.00 pts -- started by Bobert
D: Charles Tillman, 12.50 pts -- started by Dad

Sure, Bob probably would be in first place right now if he had kept Tony Romo on his squad. But winning without any integrity isn't winning at all, and Bob is the kind of respectable gentleman who understands that. So, sure, Bob cost himself 27 pts and maybe a title chance, but I know he can sleep better tonight knowing he's playing the game right. And that kind of noble play should be worth some points in the standings.

It's not, and I have no intention to make that adjustment, but it should be.

"Players who I may have made up, because their names are kinda generic-ridiculous" edition

3rd place: Joe Adams, -1.22 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Beanie Wells, -1.70 pts -- on the wire
1st place: TJ Yates, -2.20 pts -- on the wire

Just missing the top three -- my favorite name in all of football, Baltimore QB Tyrod Taylor. Named after St. Tyrod of Lourdes, of course.

The Dallas Cowboys and Maryland Racial Slurs will square off next Sunday in a finale that will determine the winner of the NFC East. Both franchises are wretched, so picking a rooting interest will be difficult. Here's a few outcomes that would be acceptable:

** Racial Slurs 2, Cowboys 0
The winning score comes on the final play of the game, when a disgusted QB Tony Romo turns from his offensive line, throws the football out the back of his own end zone, and retires from football.

** Racial Slurs 49, Cowboys 3
Maryland QB Robert Griffin III throws for only 96 yards in the victory, but the team scores seven defensive touchdowns on Dallas turnovers, including one where WR Dez Bryant has the ball and his arm ripped away from his body.

** Racial Slurs 0, Cowboys 0 (Overtimes)
The tie technically wins the NFC East for the Racial Slurs, but the NFL is so horrified by the display of bad football that they bar both teams from the post-season.

** Racial Slurs 9, Cowboys 0
Dallas forfeits the game, saying they won't play football anymore "for the good of humanity." Griffin sprains
his ankle celebrating.

Please note -- there is no acceptable scenario that puts Dallas in the post-season.

You may have thought that Saturday night's football game was just another oddly-timed NFL contest. Oh, no. It was actually, as ESPN told us all week long, "a special Saturday night edition of Monday night football."

It couldn't just be "Saturday night football." That'd be stupid.

I didn't check for sure, but when ESPN showed those highlights on Monday, I'm sure they called them "special Monday night highlights of the special Saturday night edition of Monday night football, which isn't on tonight."

In case you missed it on Sunday, the Eagles trailed 27-20 with just a few moments left, and got the ball in the red zone with a chance to win, only to come up short. QB Nick Foles missed a wide-open wideout in the end zone, then intentionally grounded the ball with one-second left to force an end to the game.

So, just to recap, the game had:

-- A flashy offensive performance
-- An inaccurate QB
-- Poor clock management at the end
-- An overall feeling of disappointment

Yep, I feel like that was fitting for Andy Reid's last home game with the Eagles. 

Tis the season ... for more Cowpokes evil. Even during the holidays, everything about this team is bent towards chaos on Earth and bad will toward men. Even Santa Claus can't stop them, because, well ...

Dallas Cowboys player's favorite Christmas morn present
** Merry coven sobs alarm: We hit Santa. Crippled Frosty also.

How do you even cripple Frosty? Dude doesn't have legs to break. Pure evil, these guys.

Week 16 standings

One week left, and it's gonna take a heck of an effort for Bob or Sam to stave off my third Awesome Cup title. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I'm already buying trophy polish.


** Picked up one more on Dad in our weekly picks. I'm down two with one week left. It's now or never. Do or die. Put up or shut up. Peanut butter or jelly.

** Going into last week's games, a gaggle of sports pundits picked Indianapolis to upset Houston because the Colts' offense was hot, the Texans defense was sagging and Houston's record was inflated. Houston easily beat up on the second-place Indy squad, 29-17. The two teams are set to square off next week again. Indy is already in the playoffs and has no motivation in the game. Houston could miss out on a first-round bye with a loss. Naturally, the NBC Sunday night crew picked Indy to win, because logic, that's why.

** Foles broke his hand and won't be playing in the Eagles finale, so their starting Vick instead. And that's odd, since Vick broke his throwing hand earlier this year. Wait, it wasn't broken? Then why did he have all those turnovers? Oh, he sucks. That's right.

** A Christmas edition of the recap. That's dedication, boys and girls. I'm like the Santa Claus of sports blogging. Only I do it without festive elf slave labor.