A look at some of the most festive names in NFL history:
** QB Bob Holly — 1983-1985, Washington, Atlanta
Fun fact: Only attempted 40 passes in his career, none after Thanksgiving.
** DT Jared Clauss — 2004-2005, Titans
Fun fact: He was 0-2 with two tackles in Christmas/Christmas Eve games.
** QB Wayne Gift — 1937, Cleveland Rams
Fun fact: Only won one time in his 10-game career, against the Philadelphia Eagles.
** DT Johnny Jolly — 2006-2013, Green Bay
Fun fact: Had too much “egg nog” in 2009 and was suspended three years for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.
** CB Darius Sleigh … err, Slay — 2013-present, Lions, Eagles
Fun fact: Born on New Year’s Day.
** DT Demarcus Christmas — 2019-2021, Seahawks, Steelers
Fun fact: Still waiting for his Christmas miracle — he got injured in training camp twice and never played a game.
WR: CeeDee Lamb, 25.00 pts — started by Mike
RB: Cam Akers, 32.73 pts — on Mike’s bench
TE: T.J. Hockenson, 25.77 pts — started by Bob
K: Matt Gay, 19.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
DEF: Rams, 22.00 pts — on the waiver wire
D: Marcus Jones, 19.52 pts — on the wire
A couple of Cowboys on that list. Ugh.
Also three Rams on that list, which is what happens when you win 51-14 on Christmas Day against the truly pathetic Broncos. The defending Super Bowl champs had scored 52 points total in their previous three games, and had only topped 28 points one other time this season.
But Akers may be the most inexplicable top performer. He left the team for three games earlier this season and was on the trade block after that, but no other teams were interested. He came into the game averaging 37 yards a contest and with 4 TDs in 12 games. On Sunday, he had 118 yds and 3 TDs. Akers absolutely won a fantasy playoff game for some undeserving teams.
“Worst of the worst” edition2nd place: (tie) Nathan Peterman, -1.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Maryland Commies, -1.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
1st place: (tie) Detroit, -6.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Denver, -6.00 pts — started by Sam
It’s hard work getting to -6 pts (the lowest a defense can score in this league) but we had two different teams put in the effort to bottom out this week. Denver actually only gave up 45 pts on defense in that Rams game (the other points came off an interception returned for a TD) while the Lions gave up 37. Neither team recorded a turnover or sack. Both teams should have gotten extra coal in their stockings.
Shout out to Peterman, the worst of the five QBs who finished with negative pts this week (including Nick Foles, ouch). Four of them appeared only in mop up time, but the Peterman, the Bears backup, managed to use his time the least effectively, throwing for 25 yds and an interception in the Bears big loss to the Bills.
** Headline on Sport Illustrated Saturday evening: “FOX’s Jay Glazer Drops ‘Bombshell’ Zach Wilson Report”
The revelation? “”Glazer said on the FOX Christmas Eve broadcast that the Jets have ‘lost all confidence’ in Wilson.”
Really. What a bombshell. Wilson got benched in the middle of a 19-3 Thursday night loss, the third time this season he has lost the starting job, and you saw on TV that another TV pundit thinks the team has lost confidence in him. Truly an unthinkable surprise.
Hold your breath for the Pultizer on that one.
** The NFL has had “Slime Time” games every Sunday on Nickelodeon in an effort to try and make the game more appealing to kids, and that’s fine. But that Rams/Broncos game was “Slime Time: Kickmas” and that’s where I have to draw the line.
** Headline on ESPN Sunday morning: “Late-game gaffe dooms Pats for second week in a row.”
Last week, with the score tied at 24 and three seconds left in regulation, the Patriots offense began throwing laterals in an attempt to get a miracle score. One was picked off by a Raiders LB, and instead of overtime, New England lost in regulation.
This week, with a minute left and the Patriots trailing the Bengals by just four points, the team handed the ball off to RB Rhamondre Stevenson, who had the ball stripped by the defense on a tough play. Cincinnati recovered the fumble, and won the game.
That’s … not a gaffe. That’s a good defensive play. Or maybe a subpar offensive play. But the defense forcing a fumble isn’t the same as one of the most inexplicable plays in NFL history.
Next week’s headline: THIRD WEEK IN A ROW FOR A BONEHEAD MOVE BY THE PATS after they make the idiot move of allowing the other team to score more points than them.
Everybody likes an after-Christmas sale, but all deals are not created equal. Here are some of the worst discounted items on the NFL shop’s Eagles page:
** Eagles “nostalgia” tie ($22.49, down $2)
This is a tie with the Eagles letters logo, an Eagles eagle logo, and an Eagles helmet. It would be OK if you bought it as a gag gift for $5. For $20-plus, you need to be able to wear it sometimes.
** Eagles “salute to service” replica helmet ($132.99, down $77)
This is a faded brown-green helmet was never worn by an NFL player but still somehow costs as much as a new helmet. It doesn’t work as a display piece or a equipment replacement. But it is expensive.
** NFL Shield hat, blue ($18.99, down $9)
It’s just a hat with the NFL logo. This is clearly not an Eagles item. Get it off the Eagles page.
** Eagles Dooney & Bourke satchel ($242.99, down $27)
It’s a handbag with what looks like children’s stickers all over it. Even if you love the Eagles logo, it is legitimately hideous. And it’ll cost you almost as much as two crappy fake service helmets.
** Eagles “all-star” bikini bottom ($26.99, down $3)
No. And why? And no.
** Eagles red, white and blue shorts ($67.99, down $32)
These are not the Eagles colors, and this look like someone wore the American flag as a shirt and then had the dye bleed down onto their pants. I really wonder if the NFL is trying to make me hate America.
Following the Cowboys “big” win over the backup Philadelphia Eagles this weekend, the Dallas faithful are predicting impressive things to come for their team (despite no wins by more than one score in the last month). One of the most vocal has been WR James Washington, relegated to mostly special teams this year, but among the team leaders in bragging. Of course, that comes as no surprise if you carefully break down his name:
Cowboys wideout James Washington
** Awed wins coming? You jest, showboat
I think the Cowboys have only had one win that awed me this whole season, and that was against the Vikings, who have underwhelmed me each week.
** I went 3-2 against Dad this week in our picks, so that puts me up 8 for the season with two weeks left to go. That’s sorta like the Cardinals on Christmas being up 10 points with just eight minutes left in the fourth quarter. Tampa Bay ended up winning that game by three in overtime. Hopefully I fare better…
** I told you that Christmas and Christmas Eve games stink.
** OK the Eagles have two division losses and their QB is hurt and now Lane Johnson is out multiple games but I’m sure everything is fine, just fine.
Week 16 standings
Awesome Cup standings
1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 2,132.78 pts
2 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1,913.25 pts
3— JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1,907.15 pts
4 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1,901.12 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1,793.27 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1,761.51 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,753.38 pts
8 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1,598.66 pts
9 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1,576.87 pts
10 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1,547.31 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1,536.34 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 1,412.07 pts
I’ll be honest — I think standings are right. I put them together right at the end of the fourth quarter of the Monday night game, and watching it was so rough my mind turned to mush.
** Eagles “nostalgia” tie ($22.49, down $2)
This is a tie with the Eagles letters logo, an Eagles eagle logo, and an Eagles helmet. It would be OK if you bought it as a gag gift for $5. For $20-plus, you need to be able to wear it sometimes.
** Eagles “salute to service” replica helmet ($132.99, down $77)
This is a faded brown-green helmet was never worn by an NFL player but still somehow costs as much as a new helmet. It doesn’t work as a display piece or a equipment replacement. But it is expensive.
** NFL Shield hat, blue ($18.99, down $9)
It’s just a hat with the NFL logo. This is clearly not an Eagles item. Get it off the Eagles page.
** Eagles Dooney & Bourke satchel ($242.99, down $27)
It’s a handbag with what looks like children’s stickers all over it. Even if you love the Eagles logo, it is legitimately hideous. And it’ll cost you almost as much as two crappy fake service helmets.
** Eagles “all-star” bikini bottom ($26.99, down $3)
No. And why? And no.
** Eagles red, white and blue shorts ($67.99, down $32)
These are not the Eagles colors, and this look like someone wore the American flag as a shirt and then had the dye bleed down onto their pants. I really wonder if the NFL is trying to make me hate America.
Following the Cowboys “big” win over the backup Philadelphia Eagles this weekend, the Dallas faithful are predicting impressive things to come for their team (despite no wins by more than one score in the last month). One of the most vocal has been WR James Washington, relegated to mostly special teams this year, but among the team leaders in bragging. Of course, that comes as no surprise if you carefully break down his name: Cowboys wideout James Washington
** Awed wins coming? You jest, showboat
I think the Cowboys have only had one win that awed me this whole season, and that was against the Vikings, who have underwhelmed me each week.
** I went 3-2 against Dad this week in our picks, so that puts me up 8 for the season with two weeks left to go. That’s sorta like the Cardinals on Christmas being up 10 points with just eight minutes left in the fourth quarter. Tampa Bay ended up winning that game by three in overtime. Hopefully I fare better…** I told you that Christmas and Christmas Eve games stink.
** OK the Eagles have two division losses and their QB is hurt and now Lane Johnson is out multiple games but I’m sure everything is fine, just fine.
Week 16 standings Awesome Cup standings
1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 2,132.78 pts
2 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1,913.25 pts
3— JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1,907.15 pts
4 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1,901.12 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1,793.27 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1,761.51 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,753.38 pts
8 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1,598.66 pts
9 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1,576.87 pts
10 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1,547.31 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1,536.34 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 1,412.07 pts
I’ll be honest — I think standings are right. I put them together right at the end of the fourth quarter of the Monday night game, and watching it was so rough my mind turned to mush.
The boy has officially claimed second place from me, and will be sleeping on the porch for the rest of the week. Jo and I are now in a battle for third place, and first chance to ground Jonathan if he continues to push us down the rankings.
A huge week from Mike vaults him into 8th and right on the edge of respectability, but the race for 9th place remains tight. And Paul remains dead.
But with two weeks left, Mom D’s juggernaut team remains the big story. She now more than a 200-point lead over second, and is almost in the area where she could bench her entire team the last two weeks and still win. It’s not a great strategy, but if she wants to try it, I’m up for the experiment.
Stupid Dallas plays on stupid Thursday, and then everybody else plays on New Year’s Day. So set your roster early, because you’ll want to sleep late after staying up past midnight.
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