Nearly two years ago, in the 2020 season finale, the Eagles lost to the Maryland Football team, giving them the division title despite a 7-9 record. It was clear the Philadelphia coaching staff threw the game to improve the team’s draft position, a move that incensed players on the New Jersey Giants, who vowed “revenge” for the team not playing hard to the end (and potentially giving the 6-10 Giants a chance to win the division). And since then it has been an all-out assault on the Eagles from the team from their neighboring state. Here’s a look at the scorched earth campaign so far:
** A few months later, the Giants traded one pick ahead of the Eagles in the 2020 draft to grab Heisman trophy winner WR DeVonta Smith to spark their offense. That move left the wide-receiver needy Eagles without a reliable pass catcher and … oh, no, sorry, the Eagles did that to the Giants. And the Giants two years later still have no good wideouts. My mistake.
** The Giants beat the Eagles 13-7 in their next matchup, a game which snapped a two-game winning streak and left the 5-7 birds with no chance to make the playoffs … until they dominated the Giants in a 34-10 win a few weeks later on their way to the postseason.
** On Sunday, the Giants called two late timeouts in order to set up a final touchdown drive that culminated in a dramatic two-point conversion which left the team … only down 26 on the final scoreboard, 48-22.
Can’t wait to see what the final game of the season will bring, and if the Giants can keep up this brutal assault on a franchise they hate so much.
WR: Jerry Jeudy, 26.87 pts — started by Jo
RB: Miles Sanders, 27.63 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Evan Engram, 28.30 pts — on Paul’s bench
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 16.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: (tie) Kansas City, 13.00 pts — started by Jonathan
DEF: (tie) Buffalo, 13.00 pts — started by Dad
DEF: (tie) New Jersey Jets, 13.00 pts — on Dad’s bench
D: Willie Gay, 11.00 pts — on the wire
Pretty sure having two Jaguars in the top performers list is a sign of the apocalypse, but not to worry — they were both safely stored on Paul’s bench this week. In fact, Paul left 68.27 pts on his bench … or just 18 fantasy pts fewer than what his starters scored this week. So, that’s not great.
Engram had 11 catches for 162 yds and two TDs on Sunday, nearly doubling his receiving yds and fantasy output for the year (he had just 203 yds and 32.93 pts in his previous 12 games combined). Lawrence just edged out Jalen Hurts atop the QB list, throwing for three TDs and 368 yds and rushing for one more. He’s actually the 10th best fantasy QB on the season, with a higher point total than Tua Tagovailoa, Aaron Rogers, Kirk Cousins and Tom Brady. And yet, the Jags are still a very, very bad football team.
Congrats to Eagles RB Miles Sanders on topping 1,000 rushing yds this season (and not needing all 17 games to do it). The last Eagles RB to hit that plateau? LeSean McCoy in 2014, when Sanders was still in high school (and not even a senior).
“Bottom barrel defenses” edition3rd place: Minnesota, -3.00 pts — started by Mike
2nd place: Tampa Bay, -4.00 pts — started by Paul
1st place: Tennessee, -6.00 pts — started by me
Yep. One week after pulling off the defensive move of the year, I started the worst defense in the league and secured the lowest score possible for the position. Tennessee gave up 36 pts to the Jaguars in what was an important AFC South matchup, and showed no signs of life whatsoever.
Shout out to Jets QB Joe Flacco, who just barely missed this list. He completed one pass for one yard and lost a fumble in his only game action on Sunday. And he still might get the start next week over Zach Wilson, because Wilson is even worse.
** Alert on the crawl of MLB network on Wednesday evening: BREAKING NEWS — P Justin Verlander, Mets reach two year deal.
That’s Wednesday evening … 55 hours after the deal was made public.
I know “breaking news” has no meaning whatsoever anymore, but when you’re more than two days after a piece of news is known to everyone, it’s not “breaking” anymore. Heck, it’s barely news either. It’s just recent facts.
** ESPN’s Football Power Index — “a measure of team strength that is meant to be the best predictor of a team's performance going forward for the rest of the season” — has the Eagles chances of winning the NFC East at 86.6 percent, their chances of making the Super Bowl at 41.1 percent, and their chances of winning a championship at 21.3 percent.
The index has the Cowboys with a 13.4 percent chance of winning the NFC East, a 38 percent chance of making the Super Bowl, and a 22.5 percent chance of winning a championship.
So Dallas is less likely to win the division or the NFC championship game than the Eagles, but more likely than the Eagles to win the Super Bowl. Got it. Makes perfect sense.
The index also projects the Maryland Commies to go 9-7, which I guess means they’ll forfeit their 17th game and just go into the playoffs anyways.
** During Sunday night’s Chargers/Dolphins game, in the second quarter, Miami RB Jeff Wilson had the ball stripped from him by the San Diego defense. In the ensuing scrum, the fumble bounced around among multiple players on the ground, until it squirted out into the hands of Dolphins WR Tyreek Hill … who promptly ran downfield 57 yards with it for a TD.
NBC commentator Cris Colinsworth called it “unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.” SB Nation said the play was “as bizarre as the NFL gets.” CBS Sports Tyler Sullivan wrote that “just when you think you've seen it all, the NFL gives you another play that simply leaves your jaw on the floor.”
Folks, it was a fumble recovery for a TD. It’s an exciting play that happens just about every other week. Usually it’s the defense returning the ball for a score, but it happens on offense every few years. Eagles WR Freddie Mitchell did it back in 2004 in much more exciting fashion.
I’m not saying it’s a boring play. I’m just saying that on the same day where a guy caught a football with his knees, maybe it’s not the most mind-blowing play ever.
** Rams QB John Wolford — The NFL likes to put a representative from every team on the list, but why they picked Wolford (two starts, 390 yds passing, 1TD/3INT) over injured Matt Stafford (nine starts, 2,087 yds, 10TD/8INT). Are they worried Stafford may have gotten voted in and been unable to play? Because I don’t think the 20th best QB in the league was really a threat there…
** Vikings RB Alexander Mattison — Mattison isn’t even the best player on his own team (hello, Dalvin Cook), much less one of the best in the league. His 251 yards this season are 1,000 behind the sixth place RB in the NFL this year (Austin Ekeler, 1,257 yds) and he’s tied for 25th in TDs at the position. Other than that, though, he’s elite.
** TE Taysom Hill — Hill is not a tight end, as we have discussed multiple times. If we’re including him, then I’m voting for Jalen Hurts as the best TE in the league.
** Twelve different fullbacks — 49ers FB Kyle Juszczyk is on this list, and he’s the only real fullback still playing in the NFL. And it’s debatable whether he really qualifies, since he’s just sort of another halfback. So why do we still have this position listed on here? Should we vote on the best “wingback” as well?
** Eagles WR A.J. Brown — Brown should not be eligible to be considered among the best wideouts in the league because the rest of the competition are mere mortals, and he is a football god. Including him sets an unrealistic standard for the rest of the group.
When the Dallas front office evaluates rookies, they look for all the things you’d expect: a hatred of all mankind, an understanding of ways to cheat on the football field, a general distaste for all things good and pure. But it takes a special something to get a player selected. And in the case of offensive lineman Matt Waletzko, that uniqueness just sang out to the scouts, obvious in the letters in his name:
Cowboys rookie LT Matt Waletzko
** Cooker kit: My bowels toot a waltz
I’m not exactly sure who would want to dance to the sound of farts, but if I had to guess, it would be members of the Cowboys team.
** I went 2-1 against Dad this week, leaving him seven down with just four weeks of football left on the schedule. The good news for him is that this year has been so screwy, there’s a chance I may pick every game wrong next week. The bad news is he still likes to pick the Jets and the Cardinals…
** If the Eagles win their next two games, they clinch the NFC East and a first-round bye. They’d finish at worst 14-3. The best Dallas could finish would be 13-4, and the Vikings (over whom the Eagles have a tiebreaker) could be no better than 14-3.
On the other hand, there’s still a scenario where the Eagles finish 14-3 and end up with the #5 seed in the playoffs. Because football.
** I feel like there were some really funny punter jokes to be had following that Eagles/Giants game but with Arryn Siposs getting hurt, we’ll hold them for another day out of respect.
Week 14 standings
Garrity Family Throwdown
1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 10-4/1808.74 pts
2 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 8-6/1840.70 pts
3 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt. Awesome), 8-6/1824.92 pts
4 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 8-6/1709.26 pts
5 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 8-6/1650.96 pts
6 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 7-7/1725.90 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 5-9/1691.14 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 2-12/1142.34 pts
We have two important firsts in league history today. Eileen earned the first ever playoff berth in league history with her victory this week. At 10-4, she’s also guaranteed the #1 seed heading into the playoffs, and will square off against the still-to-be-decided #4 seed in week 16.
The three teams that join her will be decided after next week. Five teams are still in play for the final playoff spots. For Carl, he needs a big win and help. Me, Jim and Uncle Jim are all all-but assured a postseason invite with victories. And then there is Mom.
By all rights, Mom’s season should be just about finished. She has the lowest point total of any team outside the Losers but still carries with her a 8-6 record and sits in fifth place. If she had lost to Dad last week, she’d be at 7-7 with no real shot at the playoffs. But miraculously, leading by only a few points with the Monday game left, Dad decided to bench RB James Connor, who scored 20-plus points, in favor RB David Montgomery, who was on a bye. Maybe it was a clerical error? Maybe there was a glitch? But most likely it was match fixing, which is punishable by the loss of draft picks next year.
The move has huge implications, with Mom scheduled to play the Losers in the regular season finale, giving her an easy path to nine wins. There’s a pretty credible scenario where the second-lowest scoring team gets into the postseason and the highest scoring team misses out as a result of the cheating. An investigation has been launched to get to the bottom of this. The results will determine if Dad forfeits a second-round pick next year or merely a third-rounder.
Awesome Cup standings
1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1842.50 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1728.09 pts
3 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1707.19 pts
4 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1686.39 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1576.03 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1540.91 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1525.78 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1424.42 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1367.69 pts
10 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1363.88 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1357.67 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 1219.21 pts
Mom D has opened a 114-point lead over second place, but that’s not the story this week. It’s the battle for second, where another bad week from me (not having a QB will do that to you) and another giant week from Jonathan has thrown the silver-medal podium spot into contention. He passed last year’s reigning Awesome Cup champion this week, giving our house a very contentious battle for the 2-3-4 spots. The winner may have to sleep on the back porch if they aren’t careful.
Dad has another good week too, but he may have cheated, so no props there. Everyone from the #6 spot down will need a miracle over the last month of the season to make a move up the leaderboard. Paul, 623 points out of first place, remains dead.
The good news for fantasy this week is that the byes are finally all finished. The bad news is that the NFL has games on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, so good luck trying to keep track of which players are hurt and which depth charts are set. Get your rosters set early to be on the safe side.
** ESPN’s Football Power Index — “a measure of team strength that is meant to be the best predictor of a team's performance going forward for the rest of the season” — has the Eagles chances of winning the NFC East at 86.6 percent, their chances of making the Super Bowl at 41.1 percent, and their chances of winning a championship at 21.3 percent.
The index has the Cowboys with a 13.4 percent chance of winning the NFC East, a 38 percent chance of making the Super Bowl, and a 22.5 percent chance of winning a championship.
So Dallas is less likely to win the division or the NFC championship game than the Eagles, but more likely than the Eagles to win the Super Bowl. Got it. Makes perfect sense.
The index also projects the Maryland Commies to go 9-7, which I guess means they’ll forfeit their 17th game and just go into the playoffs anyways.
** During Sunday night’s Chargers/Dolphins game, in the second quarter, Miami RB Jeff Wilson had the ball stripped from him by the San Diego defense. In the ensuing scrum, the fumble bounced around among multiple players on the ground, until it squirted out into the hands of Dolphins WR Tyreek Hill … who promptly ran downfield 57 yards with it for a TD.
NBC commentator Cris Colinsworth called it “unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.” SB Nation said the play was “as bizarre as the NFL gets.” CBS Sports Tyler Sullivan wrote that “just when you think you've seen it all, the NFL gives you another play that simply leaves your jaw on the floor.”
Folks, it was a fumble recovery for a TD. It’s an exciting play that happens just about every other week. Usually it’s the defense returning the ball for a score, but it happens on offense every few years. Eagles WR Freddie Mitchell did it back in 2004 in much more exciting fashion.
I’m not saying it’s a boring play. I’m just saying that on the same day where a guy caught a football with his knees, maybe it’s not the most mind-blowing play ever.
Here are a few of the most confusing players on NFL.com’s official 2023 Pro Bowl ballot:
** Rams QB John Wolford — The NFL likes to put a representative from every team on the list, but why they picked Wolford (two starts, 390 yds passing, 1TD/3INT) over injured Matt Stafford (nine starts, 2,087 yds, 10TD/8INT). Are they worried Stafford may have gotten voted in and been unable to play? Because I don’t think the 20th best QB in the league was really a threat there…
** Vikings RB Alexander Mattison — Mattison isn’t even the best player on his own team (hello, Dalvin Cook), much less one of the best in the league. His 251 yards this season are 1,000 behind the sixth place RB in the NFL this year (Austin Ekeler, 1,257 yds) and he’s tied for 25th in TDs at the position. Other than that, though, he’s elite.
** TE Taysom Hill — Hill is not a tight end, as we have discussed multiple times. If we’re including him, then I’m voting for Jalen Hurts as the best TE in the league.
** Twelve different fullbacks — 49ers FB Kyle Juszczyk is on this list, and he’s the only real fullback still playing in the NFL. And it’s debatable whether he really qualifies, since he’s just sort of another halfback. So why do we still have this position listed on here? Should we vote on the best “wingback” as well?
** Eagles WR A.J. Brown — Brown should not be eligible to be considered among the best wideouts in the league because the rest of the competition are mere mortals, and he is a football god. Including him sets an unrealistic standard for the rest of the group.
When the Dallas front office evaluates rookies, they look for all the things you’d expect: a hatred of all mankind, an understanding of ways to cheat on the football field, a general distaste for all things good and pure. But it takes a special something to get a player selected. And in the case of offensive lineman Matt Waletzko, that uniqueness just sang out to the scouts, obvious in the letters in his name: Cowboys rookie LT Matt Waletzko
** Cooker kit: My bowels toot a waltz
I’m not exactly sure who would want to dance to the sound of farts, but if I had to guess, it would be members of the Cowboys team.
** I went 2-1 against Dad this week, leaving him seven down with just four weeks of football left on the schedule. The good news for him is that this year has been so screwy, there’s a chance I may pick every game wrong next week. The bad news is he still likes to pick the Jets and the Cardinals…** If the Eagles win their next two games, they clinch the NFC East and a first-round bye. They’d finish at worst 14-3. The best Dallas could finish would be 13-4, and the Vikings (over whom the Eagles have a tiebreaker) could be no better than 14-3.
On the other hand, there’s still a scenario where the Eagles finish 14-3 and end up with the #5 seed in the playoffs. Because football.
** I feel like there were some really funny punter jokes to be had following that Eagles/Giants game but with Arryn Siposs getting hurt, we’ll hold them for another day out of respect.
Week 14 standings
Garrity Family Throwdown
1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 10-4/1808.74 pts
2 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 8-6/1840.70 pts
3 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt. Awesome), 8-6/1824.92 pts
4 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 8-6/1709.26 pts
5 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 8-6/1650.96 pts
6 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 7-7/1725.90 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 5-9/1691.14 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 2-12/1142.34 pts
We have two important firsts in league history today. Eileen earned the first ever playoff berth in league history with her victory this week. At 10-4, she’s also guaranteed the #1 seed heading into the playoffs, and will square off against the still-to-be-decided #4 seed in week 16.
The three teams that join her will be decided after next week. Five teams are still in play for the final playoff spots. For Carl, he needs a big win and help. Me, Jim and Uncle Jim are all all-but assured a postseason invite with victories. And then there is Mom.
By all rights, Mom’s season should be just about finished. She has the lowest point total of any team outside the Losers but still carries with her a 8-6 record and sits in fifth place. If she had lost to Dad last week, she’d be at 7-7 with no real shot at the playoffs. But miraculously, leading by only a few points with the Monday game left, Dad decided to bench RB James Connor, who scored 20-plus points, in favor RB David Montgomery, who was on a bye. Maybe it was a clerical error? Maybe there was a glitch? But most likely it was match fixing, which is punishable by the loss of draft picks next year.
The move has huge implications, with Mom scheduled to play the Losers in the regular season finale, giving her an easy path to nine wins. There’s a pretty credible scenario where the second-lowest scoring team gets into the postseason and the highest scoring team misses out as a result of the cheating. An investigation has been launched to get to the bottom of this. The results will determine if Dad forfeits a second-round pick next year or merely a third-rounder.
Awesome Cup standings
1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1842.50 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1728.09 pts
3 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1707.19 pts
4 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1686.39 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1576.03 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1540.91 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1525.78 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1424.42 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1367.69 pts
10 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1363.88 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1357.67 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 1219.21 pts
Mom D has opened a 114-point lead over second place, but that’s not the story this week. It’s the battle for second, where another bad week from me (not having a QB will do that to you) and another giant week from Jonathan has thrown the silver-medal podium spot into contention. He passed last year’s reigning Awesome Cup champion this week, giving our house a very contentious battle for the 2-3-4 spots. The winner may have to sleep on the back porch if they aren’t careful.
Dad has another good week too, but he may have cheated, so no props there. Everyone from the #6 spot down will need a miracle over the last month of the season to make a move up the leaderboard. Paul, 623 points out of first place, remains dead.
The good news for fantasy this week is that the byes are finally all finished. The bad news is that the NFL has games on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, so good luck trying to keep track of which players are hurt and which depth charts are set. Get your rosters set early to be on the safe side.
1 comment:
The contention that I may have thrown a game is completely false. Sure, I pulled my running back out so my wife could win. That's not throwing a game. It's just another thing you do to keep a happy marriage. lol Who out there would not have done the same. Pop Shane
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