Top five reasons to boo Santa Claus this year
5 – The Cowboys, Giants and Redskins in the playoffs? C’mon.
4 – It’s tough to tell which big fat man is the good one and which big fat man refuses to run on third and short.
3 – Still bitter about that ridiculous muffed punt TD call in the Green Bay game
2 – Never got that wide receiver I asked for last year.
1 – It’s Santa; You don’t need a reason to boo someone who invades your home wearing Chiefs colors.
Top Performers
QB: Kurt Warner, 32.44 pts – started by Joel
RB: Najeh Davenport, 29.33 pts – started by Joel
WR: Anquan Boldin, 35.80 pts – started by Mike
TE: Dallas Clark, 23.50 pts – sitting on Eric’s bench
DEF: Chicago, 31.00 pts – started by Joanna
K: Martin Gramatica, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
Any time we get to see a little Gramatica on the field, it’s a Christmas miracle.
Worst Performers, “Superstars” edition
Third place: Devin Hester, -0.02 pts – sitting on the wire
Second place: Willie Parker, -0.10 pts – started by Joanna
First place: Eli Manning, -3.56 pts – sitting on Mike’s bench
In case you missed it, Eli had two picks, two fumbles and zero TDs in the Giants win (yes, win) over Buffalo on Sunday.
For the year he has 19 TDs, 19 INTs, one rushing TD and 7 lost fumbles. For comparison’s sake, the entire Eagles team has 14 interceptions and 7 lost fumbles on the year. But I’m sure he’ll be clutch in the playoffs.
Stupidest thing I read this week
It was the TV Guide, telling me there was no football on Christmas.
Who planned that? What’s more American than sitting down on Christmas afternoon, sipping on some eggnog and enjoying Boise State and East Carolina University square off in the American Foods Eggnog Bowl? What do they expect us to do on a holiday? Talk to family? Watch Dickens novels?
Bah, I say. Christmas without football is like Thanksgiving without football. Or July 4th without football. Or Easter without football. Nobody even bothers to celebrate if there aren’t 350-pound lineman smacking into each other.
One of these things is not like the others
** Bills: outscored by 97 points this year, 7-8 record
** Lions: outscored by 77 points this year, 7-8 record
** Cardinals: outscored by 28 points this year, 7-8 record
** Texans: outscored by 19 points this year, 7-8 record
** Titans: outscored by 2 points this year, 9-6 record
** Eagles: outscored their opponents by 28 points this year, 7-8 record.
Cowboys anagram insult of the week
I was gonna write an even longer missive about booing Santa – something deep and meaningful about how rejecting commercialism and worship of false idols should make Philly a model city for all societies – but I figured I’d give the old man a break and give him a chance to respond to the one item on my playoff wish list this year: “Not another Dallas win streak.”
So imagine my surprise when jolly Old St. Nick took those letters and came back with this note the next morning:
** No Err: Santa wants T.O. killed. Ha!
Frankly, Santa is starting to creep me out.
For the record
** I’m in a Christmasy mood still, so no blown call of the week award this week. Next week, I’ll be extra Scroogie.
** When I announced that this football season could not have been worse, it took Dad about 30 seconds to correct me. “We could have lost to Dallas twice,” he said. So there’s that, I guess.
Our standings so far
First place: I need linebackers, Paul – 2391.08 pts
Second place: Guliani’s 2nd Wife, Jim – 2140.81 pts
Third place: Updog, Neal – 2125.65 pts
This is it, kids … if you’ve got some magic 300-point plan to unseat Paul, now is the time to do it. Otherwise, he’s walking home with the Awesome Cup.
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