Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Fantasy recap, week 15

Things that are better than an Eagles win over Dallas late in the season

          Hold on, I'll think of something.

Top Performers

** QB: Ben Rothelisberger 25.34 pts – started by Eric
** RB: Aaron Stecker, 28.57 pts – sitting on Dad’s bench
** WR: Roydell Williams, 22.27 pts – sitting on Dad’s bench
** TE: Tony Scheffler, 19.67 pts – started by Mike
** K: Marion Crosby, 19.00 pts – started by Bob
** DEF: Tampa Bay, 31.00 pts – started by Mike
          Not only did Dad miss out on those two, but he got robbed of six more points when Westbrook knelt down on the one-yard line.
          In case you were wondering, Tom Brady was worth 4.50 pts, making him the 28th ranked fantasy QB this week.

My favorite statistic

          Here’s a list of QBs you were better than this weekend (remember, if you go out back and throw a ball into the ground, that’s a 39.5 QB rating.)
** Titans’ Billy Volek – 39.5 rating (1 att, 0 yards)
** Cowboys’ Tony Romo – 22.2 rating (36 att, 213 yards, 3 INTs)
** Falcons’ Chris Redman – 0.00 rating (15 att, 34 yards, 2 INTs)
** Jets’ Kellen Clemens – 0.00 rating (1 att, 0 yards, 1 INT)

Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week award

          Dad left 52 points on his bench, and Jeff started three injured players this week.
          But I’d like to give the prize to whoever planned security for the Delaware/App State game. In case you missed it, with five minutes left and the game firmly in the mountain men’s hands, the fans rushed the field and stood on the sidelines, constantly shoving players and coaches into the field of play.
          The officials immediately responded by … doing squat.
          No penalties for App State, no calls for more security guards, no delaying the contest until the field could be cleared. They just let it go on, and thank gawd nobody did anything too stupid or got hurt.
          I know it’s division I-AA, but it’s a pretty simple sports formula, kids. Rushing the field after a big win = awesome. Rushing the field before that big win is over = idiotic.

Worst performers, “across the board” edition

Third Place: Kellen Clemens, -2.00 pts – sitting on the wire
Second Place: Chris Redman, -4.54 pts – sitting on the wire
First Place: Detroit, -6.00 pts – sitting on Dad’s bench
          Remember last week when I said we had avoided that dreaded “worst score possible” so far this year? Scratch that. Detroit gave up 45 points on offense and recorded no turnovers, no sacks, and nothing of note whatsoever. Luckily, Dad made the right call there.

Saddest thing I heard this week

          Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga, after his team’s win Sunday raised their record to 1-13:
          “It was like winning the Super Bowl.”
          How can you tell if your football team is poorly managed? They don’t know the difference between going 1-13 and winning a championship.

It was fun while it lasted

          Now that the new year is upon us (that’s the 2008 football season, not 2008 itself, since the Eagles are out of the playoff race), here’s a few resolutions for members of the team looking ahead.
** Andy Reid: To keep that weight off, take up running. Run a few miles every day. Take a few laps with the team during practice. Run up and down the stairs of your house. And run the freaking ball on third and short once in a while.
** Lito Sheppard: Whatever you eat before Cowboys games, eat that every day. Twice.
** Reggie Brown: Donate yourself to the Salvation Army for real next time.
** Donovan McNabb: Resolve not to laugh to hard when you win the Super Bowl next year in Chicago. Also, in the excitement of that championship, try not to puke.
** Greg Lewis: Turn yourself into police. You belong in jail.
** Brian Westbrook: Next year, let other players on offense do some of the work. No, wait, don’t do that.

Cowboys anagram insult of the week

          Did you know this is the second December in a row the Eagles have embarrassed the young Dallas QB at home in front of his new girlfriend? It’s so sad. But they still managed to celebrate a little bit after that dreadful loss. How? Just look at “Tony Romo loves Jessica” and see:
          **Losers vomit oceans. Joy! **
          Maybe celebrate wasn’t the right word.

Our standings so far

First Place: I Need Linebackers, Paul – 2270.13 pts
Second Place: Giuliani’s 2nd Wife, Jim – 2031.54 pts
Third Place: Updog, Neal – 1978 pts
          But Jo is only 4 pts behind. It’s a tight race to see who is gonna end up second loser.

Things that are better than an Eagles win over Dallas late in the season

          Ooooh! I thought of one!
** Winning by not scoring because your right tackle and running back are both mensa members.
          Yeah, that's nice.

And some depressing thoughts to end

** Let's just get it out of the way now -- Next year, we might be looking at an Eagles team without McNabb or Dawkins. Start figuring out how to deal with it now.
** Jim, is Pittsburgh gonna miss the playoffs?
** Remember last year when Eagles/Saints was a playoff game? Me neither.
** They really should have named Westy to the Pro Bowl as an RB and a WR. If you need to drop someone, how about T.O.?


Jim said...

The question is not whether they make the playoffs or not, because right now I can't see how they beat any of the other eligible teams, including (gulp!) Cleveland.

I think it all began when I traded Roethlisberger. Sure, he was my backup and never played because I also have Manning, but the Steelers clearly felt more comfortable just knowing he was on my team. But now, Big Ben is unsure of himself, holding the ball too long and mistakingly thinking most of his receivers are 7 1/2 feet tall. The offensive line no longer feels an urgency to protect Ben, because they realize his fantasy value has been diminished.

This is strange to me. Usually the players on my team sprain an ankle getting out of the jacuzzi. I thought I was doing Ben a favor. Who knew?

On a side note, I'm still stunned that Willie Parker is leading the league in rushing. I haven't seen him have a dominating game in like six weeks. How is this possible?

Capt. Awesome said...

See what you did? You talked about Willie, and now he's hurt. Nice work.

Major Dingus said...

I'm still laughing at your creative PhotoShopping of Runyan - who knew he was so smart? Word is his beer is also mighty tasty...mmmmm alcoholic intelligence...I'm thirsty

Lari said...

Ok, here's what I know...which isn't much. This a great blog. (I enjoy that) People seem to make excuses for their players (I can do that) Now that Jo and Leo started my family back on the NFL gig with Browns, Bengals, Eagles, Steelers~alpha list ONLY~I could get on board in 2008 with the fantasy train (You probably wouldn't want that).