On base at Fort Awesome

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 12 recap

Before the Thanksgiving holiday fades too far away in memory, here are a few things that Philadelphia fans should be thankful for this year:

** Second halves: The Eagles have now trailed at halftime in their last four games, and they have won all four. This team would be 6-5 if the games were only 30 minutes long.

** Jake Elliott: The Eagles kicker isn’t in the top 10 in salaries for kickers this season. Bills K Tyler Bass is fourth in the league. Bass missed two FGs in Sunday’s loss to Philadelphia, one in part because of the driving rain. Elliot hit a 59-yarder in that same weather to send the game into overtime.

** AJ Brown and Devonta Smith: Can you name the Eagles’ starting two wideouts for week 12 in 2020? If you didn’t remember Travis Fulgham and Jalen Reagor, well, you have Brown and Smith to thank for cleansing your brain.

** Late-game pressure: The Eagles have 32 sacks on the year so far. Of those, 19 have come in the third or fourth quarters, when defensive stops are even more critical.

** Jalen Hurts: He’s 27-2 in his last 29 regular season starts. Nick Foles only had 26 regular season wins in his whole Eagles career. Of course, there is one win category where Hurts needs to catch up to Foles…

QB: Josh Allen, 43.66 pts — started by Dad
WR: Zay Flowers, 19.87 pts — on my bench
RB: Kyren Williams, 33.37 pts — started by me
TE: Sam LaPorta, 13.63 pts — started by Mom D
K: Blake Grupe, 19.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Miami, 22.00 pts — started by Jonathan
D: Rashan Gary, 14.50 pts — on the wire

I’ll be honest, even I’m not sure if Blake Grupe is a real player or someone I made up.

We only had five QBs top 40 fantasy points in a game through the first 11 weeks of the season, so of course we had three this week alone. Combined, they totaled 13 TDs and 870 passing yds. Allen led the pack, bettering Hurts and Dak Prescott each by about three points. Those three are also on the medal stand right now in that order for the most fantasy points scored of any players.

That’s impressive, and even more so when you can’t figure out who the heck they are throwing to. This was the first time all season that zero wideouts cracked the 20-fantasy-points mark. Eleven receivers topped 100 yards, but none had a standout performance of note. Flowers topped the pack in large part thanks to a 37-yard rushing TD, not just his WR work.

“Dallas” edition

3rd place: DeeJay Dallas, -0.17 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Mike White, -0.20 pts — on the wire
1st place: Mac Jones, -0.44 pts — on the wire

I just really wanted to have a Dallas somewhere in the worst performers this week.

Patriots QB Mac Jones threw for 316 yards and three TDs against the Eagles in the opener this season, totaling 30.14 fantasy points. This week he threw for 89 yards and two interceptions against the New Jersey Giants before being benched for the second half of the loss. Jones was drafted by the Patriots in 2021 and made the Pro Bowl that year. Now, the 2-9 New England team is likely looking at drafting a new play caller with one of the top picks in next year’s NFL draft.

** Late in that unwatchable Cowboys game on Thanksgiving, Dallas QB Dak Prescott tossed a 34-yard TD pass to WR KaVontae Turpin to put his team up 37-10 and essentially end the game. As part of their end zone celebration, several players ran over to the giant Salvation Army kettle display near the end zone and pulled out a turkey leg, handing it to their QB to get a snack while they danced with glee. CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson immediately chimed in with her … insight.

“I’ve got the full story of how that turkey leg ended up in the bucket. Ahead of the game, TE Jack Ferguson told his teammates ‘hey, we’ve got to put a turkey leg in there for after we score.’ So they did it.”

Wow. There’s so much intrigue and subterfuge there I’m surprised Wolfson could remember all the twists and turns. And it totally cleared up my confusion of whether Prescott was using a prop to celebrate or simply eating trash off the ground because he was so hungry. Solid sideline journalism, as always.

** As part of its pre-game ads for “Black Friday Football” this week, Amazon showed shots of RB Christian McCaffery sprinting out of the locker room, QB Jalen Hurts prepping on the sideline, LB Micah Parsons lining up for a defensive rush, DE Maxx Crosby sacking a QB, WR Chris Olave making a clutch catch and QB Patrick Mahomes celebrating a score, all over the Rolling Stones’ “Paint It Black.” Then a deep announcer’s voice boomed, “Black Friday is now game day.”

It was, in fact, a game day that featured zero of those players. They didn’t show any Dolphins or Jets until the 30-second mark of the commercial. But, if that’s all I had to sell viewers on, maybe I’d keep the actual teams secret too.

Even though the 1-10 Panthers fired their head coach this week and have been outscored by 119 points this season, they still have a possible path to the playoffs. All they need to do to finish atop the NFC south is:

** Win five of their next six games, finishing with a 6-11 record.
** Have the Falcons lose the rest of their games, finishing at 5-12.
** Have the Saints lose the rest of their games except the one against the Falcons, finishing at 6-11.
** Have the Bucs beat the Falcons and Saints but lose their other 4, finishing at 6-11.

If that happens, the Panthers with a 4-2 record in the division would be crowned champions. And they’d be the #4 seed, hosting a first-round playoff game.

Ridiculous, right? Maybe not. Of their last six games, the Panthers only play one team with a winning record (the Jaguars). And the other teams in the NFC South have a combined 6-16 record outside of the division. Suddenly six wins and playoff dreams sounds at least somewhat plausible.

Speaking of Jake “Turd” Ferguson, he’s done more for the Cowboys this year than hide poultry. The second-year pro is third on the team in receiving yards and has been a key offensive contributor for Dallas. But he’s even more important in the character of the team, helping them establish an identity on and off the field. And when you rearrange the letters in his name, you can see exactly what that identity is:

Dallas Cowboys TE Jake Ferguson
** A jerk. A soft cudgel. Obeys no laws.

The Cowboys haven’t obeyed any laws of humanity in the past, so why start now?

** Finally a good week for Dad, who went 2-1 in the weekly picks and dropped his deficient on the year down to 11. And he did not pick the Jets to win. So progress all around.

** The NFL Hall of Fame on Tuesday announced their semifinalists for the 2024 class and it includes former Eagles CB Eric Allen and former Eagles RB Ricky Watters. But they also eliminated from the ballot K David Akers, QB Randall Cunningham, RB Brian Westbrook, QB Donovan McNabb and CB Troy Vincent. And I get that you have to make cuts, but RB Fred Taylor made it past the first round. Fred Taylor!?! Who was healthy for like 15 minutes over a decade? How is he a potential Hall of Famer and former league MVP Cunningham isn’t?

** For all you ESPN+ fans, Delaware takes on Montana State in the second round of the FCS playoffs at 9pm on Saturday night. To prep for that, you can root against Villanova at noon when they take on Youngstown State.

Week 12 standings

1 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 1505.86 pts
2 — The Best (Jonathan), 1492.67 pts
3 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 1461.77 pts
4 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1444.40 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1378.66 pts
6 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 1365.92 pts
7 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt Awesome), 1361.29 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1319.24 pts
9 — Die Hard is a Christmas Movie (Paul), 1283.12 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1178.09 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 1175.22 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1087.52 pts

Our top four teams all had huge weeks again, elevating their tier ahead of the rest of the pack. Dad topped the week with 147.39 pts and tops the standings again, with Jonathan close behind. But Dad has an incredible eight players on a bye this week, meaning he’ll be doing some serious scrambling to stay up there.

Tough week all around — Bob had 116.72 pts this week, and that was only good enough for 8th place over the holiday slate of contests. I thought I was making up ground on the leaders and only finished a point ahead of Bob. Paul’s yippee-ki-yay attitude has him slowly climbing up, but there may not be enough time left to overcome his slow start. Jeff’s team remains dead.

Six teams are on byes this week, including the Ravens and Bills, so that should cause significant heartache for everyone (and not just Dad). Check those rosters early. Only six weeks left in the season…

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 10 recap

This weekend will be remembered not as a weekend of exciting matchups and hard-nosed football but instead as the final death knell of the football gods. Consider:

** Facing a 14-point deficit in the fourth quarter, the Cleveland Browns led a long TD drive to pull within seven, then picked off a Ravens pass and returned it for a TD. All of the sudden, the game was tied … or it should have been, if not for a missed extra point on the try. As expected the football gods punished the Browns for that mistake harshly.

Just kidding. The Browns got the ball back a few minutes later and kicked the game-winning field goal. No negative karma detected.

** In one of Saturday’s top college football showdowns, Washington led Utah 33-28 with the Utes charging down the field. With the Huskies undefeated season on the line, LB Alphonzo Tuputala picked off an errant Utah pass and returned it 76 yds for a TD … or it should have been, if he didn’t pull a DeSean Jackson and drop the ball on the on-yard line. Utah recovered, and the football gods punished Washington for that mistake harshly.

Just kidding. Washington got a safety two plays later and won 35-28. No negative karma detected.

** Leading by three with just two minutes left in the game, the Texans faced a third and 3 at their own 32-yard line. The Bengals had no timeouts, so the team could drain valuable time off the clock with a running play … which they opted not to do, instead throwing an incomplete pass and stopping the clock. Cincinnati got the ball back, drove 58 yards in 37 seconds, tied the game, and the football gods punished Houston for that mistake harshly.

Just kidding. The Texans got the ball back and kicked the game-winning field goal with no time left on the clock. No negative karma detected.

** During Monday night’s game, the Bills trailed the Broncos 15-8 after a host of turnovers. The ESPN halftime crew turned to their team of experts to break down what was wrong with the Buffalo offense … or they should have, but instead they brought on Eli Manning from their alternate broadcast to mumble for a bit and say he expected both teams to play better in the second half. For opting to showcase the dumber Manning brother on TV longer, the football gods punished the network harshly.

Just kidding. The fans instead got punished with a sloppy second half, including a game-winning Broncos drive that included a 28-yard pass interference penalty and a “too many men on the field” penalty on the defense during a missed FG attempt. No negative karma detected for ESPN, and Eli Manning’s crimes against humanity continue to go unpunished.

QB: Dak Prescott, 45.86 pts — started by Mike
WR: Keenan Allen, 29.17 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 23.53 pts — started by me
TE: T.J. Hockenson, 20.43 pts — started by Dad
K: Jason Myers, 21.00 pts — on Sam’s bench
DEF: San Francisco, 23.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
D: Kyle Hamilton, 13.00 pts — on the wire

In three games against New Jersey teams this season, the Cowboys are 3-0 with a plus-82 point differential. In their six other games? They’re 3-3 with a plus-12 point differential. The moral of the story is to beat up on crappy New York area teams when you can, and people will think you’re elite.

Gibbs is the fourth best fantasy RB over the last four weeks, totaling 70.87 points, just two points behind all-pro 49ers back Christian McCaffrey. And both of those two had a bye week in that period. So they’ve outscored the field even after taking a week off.

Of the top five fantasy WRs this week, Allen was the only one whose team lost. But he almost single-handedly screwed me in another league, so I feel no sympathy for him.

“Defenseless” edition

3rd place: New Jersey Giants, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Detroit, -4.00 pts — on my bench
1st place: LA Chargers, -6.00 pts — started by Jo

Or maybe Allen’s success could not offset the Chargers’ complete ineptness on defense. The team surrendered 41 points and registered no sacks, no turnovers and no signs of life. The only defense to come close to that same level of awfulness was … their opponent, the Lions, who managed one interception and surrendered only 38 points. On the plus side, it was a fun matchup to watch.

The Giants defense is now the worst in all of fantasy football, averaging 3.60 pts a game. Sunday was the fifth time this season they have scored less than zero in a contest. The good news for them is their opponent next week, the Maryland Commies, are the third worst defense in all of fantasy football. It’s possible neither team makes a tackle the whole game.

** Early in the Seahawks-Commies game, Seattle WR Tyler Lockett went up for a catch in the middle of the field and was speared in the head by CB Emmanuel Forbes. The refs threw a flag for a personal foul penalty, Lockett was sent to the sidelines for concussion tests, and Seahawks radio analyst Dave Wyman ripped into Forbes.

“You can’t do that,” he said. “Sometimes, when you go for a hit, your head drops as you put your shoulder down. And other times you have what Forbes did. You can’t do that.”

After a brief huddle, the referees announced that Forbes was ejected from the game for unsafe play. In response, Wyman suddenly went completely against what he said a moment earlier.

“I mean, I just don’t agree with that,” he said. “It just seems harsh to me. You need to give a guy another chance before you kick him out. That’s just such a big call.”

So, you need to give him a second chance to spear another guy? Make sure he causes a major injury with his irresponsible play, instead of just a minor one?

Or maybe Lockett got hit so hard on the play that Wyman had short-term memory loss, and forgot what he had just said.

** ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt had this tease with five minutes to go in Monday night’s Broncos/Bills tilt:

“Tune in for Sportscenter. When this game is done, we will know who won, and we’ll talk about that.”

That was a relief. I hate all these NFL games that end in a cliffhanger where you have to wait seven days for the standings to update.

** During the Cowboys/Giants game, as Dallas faced 2nd and Goal from the four-yard line with a seven-point lead, New Jersey radio play-by-play announcer Bob Papa made a grim assessment: “If the defense can’t stop them here, and with the way the Giants’ offense is going, this could decide the game.”

Papa said that with nine minutes left to go … in the first half.

He wasn’t wrong — Dallas went up 14-0 and eventually won 49-17. So I guess it wasn’t really one of the stupidest things I heard this week. But it was the saddest by far.

The Eagles return to action after their bye in a Monday night game against the Kansas City Chiefs. And while all the attention should be on the rematch of last February’s Super Bowl — and a possible preview of next February’s championship game — everyone instead has been focused on the Kelce/Swift relationship.

But it’s hard to criticize fans and pundits for the attention, given the excitement the two have already produced. After all, Kelce has had some of his best games with Swift in attendance. Swift seems to get along with everyone, despite being a newbie to the team and fans. The football has been top-notch, the music has gotten even better. And the two are the best-looking couple in the NFL.

So let’s not criticize folks for getting all wound up over the relationship. After all, if the Eagles are going to go far this season, it’ll be on the backs of C Jason Kelce and RB D’Andre Swift. Don’t let people attack Swift for being a newcomer. Don’t let the haters hate on Jason for his new Christmas album or being named a finalist in People’s sexiest man contest.

And the other Kelce/Swift couple? Eh, whatever. I’m not sure anyone has really noticed them.

WR Brandin Cooks was a key offseason pickup for the Cowboys last spring, expected to bring more depth to the team’s receiving corps. Instead, he has been mostly a bust, scoring his first TD of the year in Sunday’s blowout and only totaling 17 catches in eight games before that. Of course, Dallas would have known he was washed up before opening day if they had simply deciphered the message hidden in his name:

Dallas Cowboys WR Brandin Cooks
** A coward, a risky clown. Old snob, BS.

You could say Cooks is cooked, but I would not stoop to that level for a pun. But I would like to pile on nonetheless.

Brandin Cooks
** Non-basic dork
** Cabin son dork
** Bacon sin dork
** Con-in-abs dork
** Sardonic knob

In summary, welcome to the Cowboys, dork.

** Another awful week for Dad’s prognosticating skills — he went 0-4 in our picks and now trails by 12 games with just eight weeks left in the season. At least five of those losses are because of the Jets. I’m not sure how many times he has to grab that hot stove before he learns.

** The Sixers are 5-0 and the Clippers are 0-3 since James Harden was traded to Los Angeles and I for one am shocked — SHOCKED — that the man who forced his way off of three previous squads is not behaving like a team player for the Clippers.

** Just a quick check on your college fantasy football team: If you started LSU QB Jayden Daniels this weekend, he had 372 yds passing, 234 yds rushing and five total TDs for a fantasy score of 68.28 pts. And he still wasn’t the best player to start, because Oklahoma QB Dillon Gabriel beat him by a point and a half (423 yds passing, 50 yds rushing, 8 total TDs, 69.92 fantasy pts).

Week 10 standings

1 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 1226.46 pts
2 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 1219.48 pts
3 — The Best (Jonathan), 1209.71 pts
4 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1189.55 pts
5 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 1175.49 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1147.67 pts
7 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt Awesome), 1129.98 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1106.55 pts
9 — Miss American Pie (Paul), 1063.26 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 983.37 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 960.41 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 924.99 pts

Another week, another new leader in the Awesome Cup standings. Dad’s picks may have been dreadful over the weekend but his fantasy choices were on point. He beat me in the Garrity Family league by 0.86 pts and grabbed first place in this league after a week-high 137.87 pts from his Bills-heavy squad. After lingering around the top for the last month or so, he finally reached the summit … for now.

Jo sits less than 7 points behind first place, and Jonathan has been relegated all the way down to bronze medal position. Mom D hopped over Sam after he forgot to start a QB this week (bold strategy). Mike, Bob and I are still trying to climb back into relevance. And I guess we’re supposed to say bye-bye to Paul’s team now, given the new name change?

This week — there’s a big Thursday night game (Ravens vs Bengals) and a huge Monday night game (Eagles vs. Chiefs) and a lot of junk in between. So check your lineups early, because you may need to shift things around to account for injuries and general incompetence. I’m looking at you, Buffalo.

Tuesday, November 07, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 9 recap

A lot of players stood out in the Eagles’ huge win over the Cowboys on Sunday, but the individuals who took center stage in the thrilling game were the zebra’s trying to muck it all up. Consider their stats on the day:

** 24 — The number of penalties the refs called in the game. That means they were on camera more than Dallas running backs (only 21 rushing attempts for the game).

** 20 — The number of penalties accepted. That means the refs hit their targets more than QB Jalen Hurts (17 completions for the game).

** 61 — The penalty yards against the Eagles on the Cowboys’ final drive. That means over the final minute, the Cowboys only earned 18 yards on their own (79-yard drive).

** 181 — Total penalty yards for both teams. That means the refs were as effective on the ground as both teams (182 combined rushing yards).

** 2.2 million — Approximate number of Dallas fans who posted within 10 minutes of the end of the game that the refs favored the Eagles and cost the Cowboys a win, even though both teams ended up with 10 penalties and the Eagles ended up with 15 more penalty yards.

Shout out to head referee Tra Blake for his service on Sunday. Nobody wanted to see you, but you made sure that viewers got plenty of you anyway.

QB: CJ Stroud, 51.80 pts — started by Joel
WR: Tank Dell, 23.82 pts — on the wire
RB: Rachaad White, 24.37 pts — started by Jeff
TE: Cole Kmet, 19.17 pts — started by Bob
K: Younghoe Koo, 19.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: LA Chargers, 30.00 pts — started by Jo
D: Kenny Moore II, 20.50 pts — on the wire

Welcome to the NFL, CJ Stroud. The rookie from Ohio State had the best fantasy day of any player in the last four years on Sunday, throwing for 470 yards and five TDs (and a two-point conversion) in the Texans wild 39-37 win over Tampa Bay. You have to go back to week 7 of 2019 for the last QB to top his total (Aaron Rodgers, 53.76 pts), and you can’t find any rookie fantasy performance better in NFL history. It’s starting to look like maybe that guy should have been the #1 overall pick ahead of Bryce Young…

Only four players had two receiving TDs this week: Dell, Kmet, Bucs TE Cade Otton and Moore. However, only three of those players are on offense. Moore picked off two passes and returned them both for TDs in the Colts 27-13 win over the Panthers. That means he was the best defensive and offensive player for Indianapolis, since the actual offense only managed 13 points on its own.

Just a reminder that even though Taysom Hill outscored Kmet this week, he doesn’t count as the top TE because he is not actually a TE.

“Names I may have made up” edition

3rd place: Ben Skowronek, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Zamir White, -0.20 pts — on the wire
1st place: Clayton Tune, -0.88 pts — on the wire

Clayton Tune is a real football player, although none of the stats I’m about to present will back that up. After the Cardinals traded away Josh Dobbs early last week, Tune was pressed into the starting role. He responded with 58 yds on 11 completions, plus two interceptions and a fumble lost in a 27-0 loss to the Browns. That’s a 20.8 QB rating for the day, much worse than the 39.6 rating you posted sitting on your couch (0 for 1, zero yards).

Meanwhile, Dobbs didn’t practice at all with the Vikings this week, but still came off the bench to lead the Vikings to a 31-28 comeback win over the Falcons. Dobbs finished with 158 yds passing and two TDs, plus 66 yds rushing and another TD, in about one half of work. Minnesota now sits in the 7th seed in standings, good enough to make the playoffs if the season ended today. And what did Arizona get for giving up a solid QB starter? A Vikings 6th round pick. Oh, and Arizona also gave up a 7th round pick. So they maybe moved up 40 spots at the end of the draft. Good work, guys. That’ll definitely get you a new franchise leader.

** At the end of Saturday’s Ohio State win over Rutgers, CBS studio analyst Brent Stover noted that the victory over the New Jersey school was especially sweet for a few Ohio State players. QB Kyle McCord grew up a Rutgers fan, and WR Marvin Harrison Jr. was raised in Philly.

Then fellow talking head Danny Kanell chimed in too — “And Safety Ja’Had Carter grew up in Virginia!”

Stover actually paused, stared at him and said, “that’s a little farther away.” Kannell, apparently unable to stop his mouth from spouting ignorance, replied, “well I mean they’re all from the East Coast.”

Kannell, a former starting QB at Florida State University, grew up in Fort Lauderdale which is … (checks map) … also on the East Coast, so apparently it’s also close to Rutgers. That, or Florida State’s geography requirements for graduation really are not good.

** At halftime of the LSU-Alabama game Saturday night, Army recruiting sponsored an “impossible kick” challenge. They set up a 10-foot wide goalpost 40 feet in the air and challenged former All-Pro kicker David Akers to try and boot it through.

Reading from a script, Akers exclaimed “I don’t know if anyone can do that!” then proceeded to try a few times (with former LB Clay Matthews as a holder, for no discernable reason). His best attempt missed low by a few feet. Then the Army brought in a whole squad of assistants to load the ball into a modified cannon, fire the football through the uprights, and lecture about the importance of teamwork in reaching your goals and blah blah blah.

Here’s the thing though — you could see that Akers totally could have done it if they gave him a few more tries. If the point was to make it look impossible, don’t bring a superhuman kicker into the picture and have him barely miss. Why not use a Gramática brother instead? Either of those guys would have missed by a mile, underscoring the point.

Anyways, David Akers is still out there making money and looking solid, so that’s a silver lining amid all that dumb.

** Last week, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said he didn’t want to “poke the bear” by saying anything controversial ahead of Sunday’s big Eagles game. Dallas QB Dak Prescott had a different take:

“Pour honey on me. If you see me and a bear in a fight, pour honey on me.”

RIP to Dak, who got what he wanted — a mauling from a hungry bear in the form of the Eagles team.

Halfway through the season, here’s a look at where we stand in the NFL’s annual “best fantasy football color” contest:

Brown — 538.46 pts
The clear favorite so far. WRs AJ Brown (Eagles), Amon-Ra St. Brown (Lions) and Marquise Brown (Cardinals) account for almost 300 points by themselves. And the Cleveland defense adds another 91 points to the total.

White — 163.21 pts
Tampa RB Rachaad White is doing most of the work here, with 89.40 pts. But Cardinals LB Kyzir White is pushing the team ahead with 29.50 pts of his own. Jets Safety Jordan Whitehead sadly did not make the squad, since only part of his body qualified.

Moss — 115.70 pts
Colts RB Zack Moss is doing this all on his own. His petition to team up with green was denied.

Green — 74.63 pts
Always the most controversial contestant. Nine players named Green or Greene have combined for a pitiful 13.63 pts this season, but the team gets a huge boost from the Packers defense, since their entire bay is Green.

Gray — 44.86 pts
Only four players qualified for the team this year, but Chiefs TE Noah Gray (30.37 pts) is making a strong push to bring the shade back into relevance.

Gold — 17.2 pts
Steelers LB Markus Golden leads the way with 10.5 pts, but don’t discount Miami RB Alec Ingold’s contributions (6.70 pts).

Apple — 17.00 pts
The team’s only member is Dolphins CB Eli Apple. That’s a lonely orchard.

Better luck next year to blue, yellow, red, orange, purple, silver and the rest of the rainbow.

Dallas rookie Hunter Luepke got his first taste of the rivalry with the Eagles on Sunday, recording a single sack on special teams. The running back has not shown much promise thus far this season on the field, but coaches see him as a key character guy in the locker room. And by character, I mean destructive character. Just look at what his name spells out:

Dallas Cowboys rookie RB Hunter Luepke
** Uncool. He takes kid earlobes. Pry, blur, ow!

I don’t know what you do with earlobes after you steal them, and I do not want to know.

** Rough week for Dad, who went 1-4 in our head-to-head picks. That leaves him down eight in the yearly standings at the midway point of the season. I’m fairly confident he has gotten the Jets wrong every single week this year. Luckily, he can still toss a few deep passes to catch up to me … unlike the Jets, who cannot move the ball at all.

** Dallas has the highest home attendance of any team this season, averaging about 93,600 fans. But that’s actually way short of capacity at AT&T Stadium, which is listed as fitting just over 100,000 fans. On a capacity basis, Dallas is the second least successful team at filling their home stadium, beating out only the Falcons (93.6% vs 92.8%). The Eagles are at 100% capacity so far this year, meaning unlike the Cowboys, they have not been playing in front of thousands of empty seats.

Week 9 standings

1 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 1110.23 pts
2 — The Best (Jonathan), 1095.06 pts
3 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 1088.59 pts
4 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 1087.62 pts
5 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1060.29 pts
6 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt Awesome), 1020.30 pts
7 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1019.15 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 997.12 pts
9 — Evil Maniacal Laughter (Paul), 966.57 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 888.67 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 878.25 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 803.99 pts

Who cares about the medal stand? Not Jo, who jumped from fourth to first in a single week, thanks to a monster 152.65-pts performance over the weekend slate of games (even with a dead defensive player). In doing so, she dethroned her son for the first time since week 3.

And the bad news keeps coming for the boy, who now sits less than eight points out of fourth place after a miserable week from his backups (Jonathan had three starters on a bye). Dad and Sam are a TD and two-point conversion away from tossing his team down even further.

The second highest-scoring team this week? You can hear Paul’s cackling all up and down the East Coast. Another name change, and another morale boost for his squad. This has been just a remarkable coaching turnaround this season.

But we’re only at the halfway mark. There are more byes (hello, Eagles) and another Germany game (goodbye, Patriots!) to worry about this week, so check your squads early.

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Fantasy football 2003 -- week 8 recap

Here’s a look at what some of the Eagles players will be dressing up as for Halloween this year:

** RB D'Andre Swift: The invisible man — When he goes to parties, no one even notices him for the first three-quarters of the event, but then he gets some candy late.

** QB Jalen Hurts: The Riddler — What mysteries will he present today? Will he throw a backbreaking pick or an amazing deep ball? Does he still know how to run?

** C Jason Kelce: A bulldozer — He’s planning to wear yellow, walk up to local homes, and get low enough to push the door back a yard so the kids behind can dive forward for treats.

** LB Haason Reddick: Bruce the Shark — He doesn’t show up until late in the movie, but he’s pretty scary when he finally pops in.

** Offensive Coach Brian Johnson: Andy Reid — He just keeps finding ways to win. But make sure he doesn’t fall behind the rest of the trick-or-treaters because he doesn’t believe in running.

** WR AJ Brown: A rhinoceros — He won’t actually put on a costume, but he will just bulldoze through crowds all night long.

** RB Boston Scott: A clown — He won’t have to put on a costume either. He’s just a clown.

QB: Sam Howell, 38.98 pts — on the wire
WR: CeeDee Lamb, 29.73 pts — started by Mom D
RB: Gus Edwards, 27.93 pts — started by Mike
TE: Trey McBride, 17.83 pts — on the wire
K: Riley Patterson, 17.00 pts — started by Jeff
DEF: Dallas, 20.00 pts — started by Sam
D: DaRon Bland, 12.00 pts — on the wire

The Eagles are now 7-1, the best record in the NFL. And one week after shutting down the top offense in all of football, they could not touch Howell, the most-sacked QB in the league by far.

Through seven games, Howell had nine TDs, seven INTs and 40 sacks. On Sunday, he threw four TDs and had only one sack (plus a pick) in a career-best day against a defense that is supposed to be able to apply constant pressure to opposing passers. The Commanders have only scored 25 or more points three times this season: Against the Broncos, against the Eagles, and … against the Eagles again. And yet, the southern Maryland team is 0-2 in those games. Go figure.

RIP Minnesota QB Kirk Cousins, who was the fourth-rated fantasy passer on the year (ahead of Patrick Mahomes, Lamar Jackson and Justin Herbert) before going down with an Achilles tear at the end of Sunday’s win over Green Bay. The Vikings are currently 4-4, holding the final NFC playoff spot, but they have also lost their starting QB, Pro-Bowl WR and first-string MLB to lengthy injuries in the last few weeks. On the positive side, at least fans can stop watching football on Sundays now and instead go outside to enjoy the lovely fall weather in Minnesota.

“QBs you sorta remember” edition

3rd place: Cooper Rush, -0.18 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jaren Hall, -1.18 pts — on the wire
1st place: Malik Willis, -1.60 pts — on the wire

All these QBs were bad, but shout out to the New Jersey Giants for matching a 23-year-old low in passing yds in Sunday’s embarrassing loss to the Jets. Backup QB Tyrod Taylor, forced into the starter’s role because of an injury to Daniel Jones, went 4-for-7 for 8 yds before leaving with an injury of his own. Third-string QB Tommy DeVito went 2-for-7 for -1 yds after he replaced Taylor. Factoring in sacks, the Giants totaled -9 yds passing on the day, the worst since the Browns lost 48-0 to the Jaguars back in 2000.

To put it another way … you had more passing yards than the Giants did this weekend. And you had zero passing yards.

Unlike that 2000 Browns game, the Giants/Jets matchup somehow went into overtime, with the Jets needing two miracle field goals to tie and win the game 13-10. Jets QB Zach Wilson — who beat the Eagles! — had a pedestrian 17-for-36 passing day for 240 yds and a TD, but also four sacks where he lost 47 yds. The two teams combined for 23 points and 24 punts.

New Jersey football, catch the fever!

** In their weekly recap column, NFL.com listed that Jets/Giants matchup as a “game to revisit” on their streaming service. I’m not sure even the coaching staffs will be rewatching that one.

** College Coach Dabo Sweeney, whose Clemson team is a mediocre 4-4 this year, lashed out at fans during a radio show appearance on Monday for not standing by the team and for media members for criticizing the squad’s performance. On Tuesday, in a press conference when he was asked about those comments, he had this response:

"I'm not going to let one season, when I know exactly what the issues are, and a bunch of great kids and great coaches, I'm not going to let one season dampen that. I'm going to fight for this program, and hopefully we can get back to some appreciation around here … I'm not going to let anything steal my joy of what I do. It doesn't mean I'm happy, but I've got a lot of joy in what I do.”

I dunno, coach. Doesn’t sound all that joyful to me.

** From the New York Post: “James Harden reportedly is ‘ecstatic’ to join the Clippers after being traded by the 76ers.”

Just a quick reminder that Harden was also thrilled 19 months ago when he got traded from the Nets to the 76ers, and one year before that when he got traded from the Rockets to the Nets. But best of luck to Los Angeles’ lesser basketball club with their new PG. I’m sure it’ll all work out well, given the Clippers long history of stability and success.

The NFL returns to Germany this weekend with the first of two scheduled games in Frankfurt. To get you ready for the excitement of watching German football (not futball), here are some common German sports phrases to use while yelling at the TV:

** Bananenflanke: Literally “a pass shaped like a banana.” Used to describe a beautifully curved kick or pass, as opposed to a throw from Giants QB Daniel Jones, which flops around like throwing an actual banana.

** Turniermannschaft: A team that’s mediocre during the regular season but dominates in the playoffs. You could have used it to describe the Phillies, at least until last week.

** Sechspunktespiel: A six-point soccer game. But, honestly, they should make American announcers use this word every time a touchdown is scored.

** Gedächtnisgrätsche: Hard physical play, like in the good old days. You’d use it to talk about Brian Dawkins highlights or how football was played before every other play was a weak pass interference call.

** Fahrstuhlmannschaft: Translates into “elevator club,” and used to describe a team that’s really bad, then really good. The Bengals qualify as this year’s most prominent NFL Fahrstuhlmannschaft.

** Betrügers: Male cheaters. This one will be good to remember for week 10, when the Patriots take on the Colts in Frankfurt.

Next week is the big one for the birds — The Eagles face the Cowboys with first place in the NFC East on the line. Amazingly, it’s only the second time that star QBs Jalen Hurts and Dak Prescott will appear on the field in the same game, despite the two rivals face off twice every year. Hurts is 0-1 against Prescott in his still young career, but has the chance to establish dominance against the godless Cowboys with a win on Sunday. But will it happen? Well, just look at what the matchup spells out:

Hurts against Prescott for first place
** A critic’s truth fest: Pagan roster flops

If Dallas wants to return to glory, maybe they should get right with God first.

** Dad and I split our four different picks this week, leaving me up five for the year in our head-to-head contest. I deserve extra credit for picking the Bengals over the 49ers, since I could sniff out San Francisco’s demise from all the way across the country.

** FYI, the 49ers are 5-3 and in SECOND PLACE in the NFC West behind the 5-2 Seahawks. Maybe San Francisco fans shouldn’t have booked their Super Bowl tickets in September.

** Jalen Hurts has 30 wins in an Eagles uniform in his four-year career. If he can lead the team to five more this season, he’ll tie the total wins of his predecessor, Carson Wentz, in one less season of work. Right now, Hurts has 20 fewer losses than Wentz (12 versus 32).

Week 8 standings

1 — The Best (Jonathan), 1019.48 pts
2 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 1001.51 pts
3 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 990.96 pts
4 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 957.58 pts
5 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 950.33 pts
6 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt. Awesome), 913.61 pts
7 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 895.40 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 885.89 pts
9 — The Bullpenners (Paul), 838.20 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 770.64 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 760.76 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 720.57 pts

Everybody hits, woohoo! With no byes on the schedule for week 8, everyone fielded their best lineups and scored at least 100 pts (except for Bob, who posted an utterly shameful 95.75 pts).

Sam, Mom, Mike and Dad all topped 130 pts, and Jonathan’s once commanding lead in the standings is now down to a mere 18 pts. We have seven teams within 135 pts of first place, and still more than half a season to go.

Now for the bad news — byes are back this week, as is the Thursday game and early Sunday game. Set your rosters early, especially if your quarterback was one of the many who went down with significant injuries this week.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 7 recap

In honor of week 7 of the football season, here are famous sevens in Philadelphia sports history:

** Eagles QB Ron Jaworski — The Polish Rifle played 10 years for the birds, leading them to their first ever Super Bowl appearance. Originally drafted by the rams, he switched from #16 to #7 when he was traded to the Eagles.

** 7-0 — the final score of two of the last three Phillies no-hitters. They won 7-0 over the Natinals on Aug. 9 of this year, and beat the Braves by the same score on Sept. 1, 2014.

** Flyers 1973-1974 season — The franchise won its first Stanley Cup title in its seventh full season in the NHL. Seven members of that team ended up in the league’s Hall of Fame, including Coach Fred Shero.

** 7 feet — the height of 76ers C Joel Embiid, who won the NBA’s Most Valuable Player award last season.

** Oct. 24, 2023 — After 140 years in Major League Baseball, the Phillies franchise play their first playoff game 7 ever.

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 41.86 pts — started by Bob
WR: Jordan Addison, 24.20 pts — started by Sam
RB: D'Onta Foreman, 30.47 pts — started by Dad
TE: Travis Kelce, 23.93 pts — started by Mike
K: Dustin Hopkins, 22.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Chicago, 18.00 pts — on the wire
D: Myles Garrett, 16.00 pts — started by Mike

We started three of the top four defensive players this week: Garrett, Foyesade Oluokun (Dad) and Jerome Baker (Sam). That has to be a record. We often don’t even get one in the top five.

Just missing the top WR spot this week was AJ Brown (20.13 pts), who now has five straight games with at least 125 yards receiving. And he’s still 93 yards behind Dolphins WR Tyreek Hill, who had 11 catches against the Eagles on Sunday night. Hill is on pace to break 2,000 yards receiving in 16 games this season, which would break Calvin Johnson’s 1,964 mark set in 2012. But, hey, keep telling me that Justin Jefferson is actually the best wideout in the NFL today.

According to Yahoo’s record book, I have now totaled 18 points from my defenses through seven weeks this season … or the same amount that the Bears scored this week alone. When I end up losing the league title by 30 points, it’s all going to be because of my terrible team defense scoring. For comparison, Sam is the top scorer in defensive points so far this year, with 96.

“Deshaun Watson” edition

3rd place: Blake Bell, -1.03 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Sterling Shepard, -1.10 pts — on the wire
1st place: Deshaun Watson, -1.80 pts — started by Jeff

It’s unusual for a starting QB to end up in negative territory, but Watson is an unusual guy. After missing the past two games due to injury, he appeared in Sunday’s contest against the Colts, completed one pass for five yards before throwing an interception, then was benched for unspecified reasons for the remainder of the game. The Browns, who gave Watson a $230 million contract in 2022, are now 5-4 in games where Watson completes at least two passes. That feels like money well spent.

FYI, Kansas City had the best TE on the week (Kelce) and the worst (Bell). There’s impressive range on that team.

** Shout out to G, who was on this one right away: As the Eagles game held a 31-17 lead late Sunday night, NBC announcer Mike Tirico noted that the Dolphins have faced a pretty difficult schedule to open the season. Color commentator Cris Collinsworth chimed in with this verbal word salad in response:

“So regardless, this is going to be a win for the Dolphins, from the standpoint that they needed this. Remember their defense coming up is going to have Xavier Howard and Jalen Ramsey coming back, which is going to allow their safeties to come down, and make some big plays. So that’s good.”

To be clear, Collinsworth is calling a 14-point loss a win for Miami because sometime in the future their defense might get better and they needed a prime-time flameout to help speed up recovery from injuries. Not a lick of that makes sense.

Just to be safe, I checked the box score on Monday morning, and in fact the Dolphins did not get a win for their Sunday night performance.

** Two weeks ago, when the 49ers thumped the Cowboys to go 5-0, Sporting News circled San Fran’s week 9 game against the Jaguars as the first real test to see whether the team could go undefeated this season.

Fast forward to two weeks later, where the 49ers are now 5-2 and still three weeks away from that matchup. Maybe next time cool the undefeated predictions until someone gets to the halfway point in the season.

A dominant Eagles defensive performance on Sunday night is the perfect time to look at one of the NFL’s most confounding questions: Why do the Eagles always give up a first down on third and 12? The team had six plays in the Miami game where their opponent faced third down with nine or more yards to go, and surrendered first downs on three of them. Why are obvious long passing downs so confounding for this team?

In 98 third-down plays this year, the Eagles have only given up 12 first downs on third and 8 or more yards. Still, that’s 25 percent of the time (12 of 47), which seems like a lot for long conversion plays. They’re over 50% for conversions seven-or-less to go (26 of 51), but a huge portion of that are third and one plays (9 of 13 successfully converted by opponents).

For the season, the Eagles are allowing opponents to convert 41% of third down plays, just a hair above the league average of 39.5% this year and 40% over the last six seasons. Take away just the three third-and-long conversions by Miami, and that drops down to about 36%, good enough to be among the elite defenses.

So what do we draw from all of this? Simple: The Philadelphia defense does not make any sense. The birds allowed only 10 offensive points against Miami, the top scoring team in all of football (34.3 points per game). They also allowed 31 against the Commanders, the 20th best offense in football (20.0 points per game). The Eagles are sixth in yards allowed per game (290.3). They’re also in the bottom half of teams in passing yards allowed (227.4 per game).

Maybe just trade for a safety or something to stop with the deep pass plays on third and long. Oh, they did that? OK then. Carry on.

Three years ago, the 49ers thought so highly of Trey Lance that they traded a boatload of picks to draft him #2 overall. After some flashes of brilliance over his first few years in the league, San Francisco traded him to the Cowboys for peanuts this past offseason. Lance now serves as the third-string QB for Dallas, an outcome that few could have predicted a short time ago. And yet, when you look at what his name spells out, you realize that his current status was all but inevitable:

New Dallas Cowboys backup Trey Lance
** Con played swell, but now a creaky scab

FYI, if you anagram “QB Trey Lance” you get “recently a QB” which accurately implies that he isn’t really one anymore.

** Dad and I split our picks for the week, so I remain up five on him in the yearly standings. He gets a gold star for predicting the lifeless Giants would beat the lifeless Commies, but sadly we are not counting stars in our win/loss columns.

** The Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens smoked the Hampton Pirates 47-3 on Saturday and now sit at #6 in the FCS rankings, just behind Montana and University of the Incarnate Word which is an actual school and not one I just made up.

** Apparently I don't know the rules for World Series home field advantage because they change all the time but remain dumb.

Week 7 standings

1 — The Best (Jonathan), 891.49 pts
2 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 871.61 pts
3 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 845.57 pts
4 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 842.86 pts
5 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 803.79 pts
6 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt. Awesome), 792.21 pts
7 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 790.14 pts
8 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 758.04 pts
9 — Bryce’s Birthday Boys (Paul), 724.97 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 659.36 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 656.23 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 602.73 pts

Huge weeks for me and Mike pushed our totals back into respectable range, but we’re still fighting our way out of the middle of the pack. But Dad’s 150.47-pts finish coupled with bad weeks from Jo, Jonathan and Mom D have reshaped the standings. The boy wonder’s once commanding lead is down to under 20 pts now, with 10 weeks of contests still to go.

Jo and Mom D are within striking distance too, despite Mom’s truly mind-bogglingly bad week, where she had three uninjured starters score a combined 1.13 pts. And yet she still beat Jeff, who had Watson, a K who scored zero, and three inactive players in his starting roster.

And Paul, who changed his team name again, had his best week of the year, topping 130 pts. We just keep seeing more and more evidence that changing your team name boosts scoring, and yet Paul is the only coach smart enough to embrace the strategy.

Thursday night’s matchup is Bucs vs. Bills, two teams that the pundits keep telling me are good despite the fact that they keep losing. Get your rosters ready early, because I know you have someone suiting up in that game.

Tuesday, October 17, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 6 recap

The Eagles registered a host of historic milestones in Sunday’s game against the Jets — here’s a breakdown:

— C Jason Kelce started his 145th consecutive game for the team, a new record for any Philadelphia player.

— WR AJ Brown topped 125 receiving yards for the fourth consecutive game, the first time any Eagles player has ever done that.

— OT Jordan Mailata recorded his first tackle of the season, cleaning up after QB Jalen Hurts’ first interception of the game.

— Hurts set a new Philadelphia-region record for the most injuries caused in a single play with his back-breaking interception in the fourth quarter.

— Nick Sirianni became the first Eagles coach ever to lose to the New Jersey Jets, a feat that luminaries like Chip Kelly, Rich Kotite and Burt Bell never accomplished.

Well done all around, folks.

QB: Tua Tagovailoa, 28.48 pts — started by Sam
WR: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 20.27 pts — started by Mike
RB: Raheem Mostert, 32.13 pts — started by Mom D
TE: Travis Kelce, 12.77 pts — started by Mike
K: Justin Tucker, 19.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: Minnesota, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Jordan Hicks, 13.00 pts — started by Bob

We just missed sweeping the top performers this week, but I’ll give us a pass because predicting Minnesota to be a dominant force was not realistic. In the first five weeks, the team defense totaled 26.00 pts. They almost doubled it this week, thanks to the Bears’ general incompetence.

Tagovailoa is the second-best fantasy scorer on the year so far (9.00 pts behind Bills QB Josh Allen) and is owned in 98 percent of Yahoo fantasy leagues. I want to know what those 2 percent of leagues are that don’t need to roster the #2 overall fantasy scorer. Mostert, his backfield mate, is the #2 fantasy RB (behind 49ers RB Christian McCaffery) and is owned in 97 percent of leagues, so maybe there’s just some “no Dolphins” contests out there I didn’t know about.

“Simple names” edition

3rd place: Kyle Philips, -0.88 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Austin Trammell, -1.40 pts — on the wire
1st place: Mike White, -2.40 pts — on the wire

White, the backup Miami QB, attempted one pass on Sunday. It went for a 61-yard TD … for the Panthers. That’s a zero QB rating for the Dolphins and a perfect 158.3 rating if you assume White was actually playing for Carolina.

Eagles RB Boston Scott is averaging 1.15 fantasy pts a game this year, in case you were wondering.

** Former Jets and Eagles QB Mark Sanchez was the color commentator on that dreadful matchup Sunday, and he helped make the whole thing just a little worse with his idiotic banter. Among the worst lines:

— “They say close only counts in horseshoes, but it also counts with field goals!” No, no it doesn’t. The reason the field goal in question counted was not because it was close, but because it was actually in.

— “Breece Hall turned nothing into something on that run, ending up losing two yards.” No, that means he turned nothing into less than nothing.

— “Jalen Hurts, what is he? Like a salmon covered in vaseline! This guy's just too slippery!” Frankly, I don’t want to know why Sanchez is familiar with handling salmon covered in vaseline.

** Here were the top three stories on ESPN on Sunday night:

— Raiders' Garoppolo (back) exits win over Patriots
— Browns (+9.5) pull off their largest upset since '10
— 49ers lose Samuel, McCaffrey in loss to Browns

And here were the top stories on their NFL landing page:

— Bears' Fields (hand) leaves loss; X-rays negative
— Jets' Rodgers, sans crutches, throws in warmups
— Jags' Lawrence to have testing on knee after win
— Young, Panthers 'in a tough place' after sixth loss

So to recap, two of the top three stories were the undefeated 49ers finally losing a game. Four of the top seven were about QBs getting injured. One was about a player who has not been on the field a full series at all this year. And zero of them were about the undefeated Eagles, the defending NFC champs, dropping their first game.

I mean, I appreciate ESPN helping me ignore the ugly loss, but maybe one of the best two teams in the NFL making news should get a mention on your site.

The Eagles started their season 5-1, while the Phillies started MLB playoffs with an identical 5-1 record. Yet it feels like the boys at Citizens Bank Park have a better handle on their team right now than the gridiron warriors across the street. As the Eagles enter the toughest stretch of their schedule, here are a few tips they could take from the reigning NLCS champs next door:

— Run more: The Phillies have nine stolen bases so far this postseason, the most of any team. Meanwhile the Eagles have steadily turned away from their RBs in recent games, handing off the ball only once in every five plays on Sunday.

— Hit harder: The Phillies have 16 HRs so far in the playoffs, the most of any team. The Eagles defense forced no interceptions or fumbles on Sunday, the third game in a row without any turnovers.

— Throw better: P Zack Wheeler and P Aaron Nola have combined to strike out 38 of the 61 batters (62.2%) they have faced in their first five postseason starts. That’s exactly the same as QB Jalen Hurts’ completion percentage on the year so far, but Hurts finished Sunday’s game going 1-for-5 with an interception.

— Get healthier: The Phillies have avoided major injuries over the past month. The Eagles has eight defensive players lost to injury before or during Sunday’s game, and also saw OT Lane Johnson forced out with an ankle sprain.

— Beat Miami: The Phillies swept the Marlins out of the postseason earlier this month. The Eagles get a chance to upset the Dolphins next Sunday.

The Cowboys tapped San Jose State star Viliami Fehoko in the fourth round of the draft last spring to help with their defensive line depth. And so far … he has provided nothing. No games played. No stats. No value. Of course, that should have been obvious to the Dallas scouts if they had simply looked at what the rookie’s name spells out:

Dallas Cowboys new DE Viliami Fehoko Jr.
** Wow. Moron kid. He fails job, leaves acidly.

Maybe they should focus more on drafting individuals with strong football skills instead of morons. It’s a thought.

** Bad, bad week for Dad, who went 0-4 in our head-to-head picks and now trails in the yearly tally by five games. I was pulling for his Chargers pick over the Cowboys on Monday night, but I knew it was too good to be true.

** Joanna pointed out that the Bills backup QB is Kyle Allen and that when starter Josh Allen temporarily went out with an injury Allen replaced Allen and there should be rules against that.

** The Arizona Diamondbacks have two mascots: A bobcat (stems from the team formerly playing at Bank One Ballpark, known as The BOB) and a rat (stems from the team motto of “rattle on”). What they don’t have is a mascot related to snakes. Perhaps they don’t actually know what their team name is?

Week 6 standings

1 — The Best (Jonathan), 797.50 pts
2 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 747.83 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 738.26 pts
4 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 733.05 pts
5 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 721.14 pts
6 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 671.95 pts
7 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt. Awesome), 637.17 pts
8 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 606.68 pts
9 — Let’s Go Phillies! (Paul), 594.60 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 583.13 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 572.53 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 550.03 pts

Pretty low scoring all around this week, with only two teams above the 120 pts mark. But Joanna took advantage of the early season lull, jumping up from fourth to second and significantly closing the gap between her and her child, who remains in first place.

Dad and Ant both took a beating in the standings this week, failing to top 86 pts despite starting a full slate of players. Jeff had two inactive players on his slate and still managed to get 91.5 pts. Paul remains surprisingly respectable.

No overseas football games this week to worry about, but six teams have bye weeks, which means the fantasy waiver wire looks worse than the Eagles third-and-long defense. Get your rosters set early and often.

On base at Fort Awesome

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 12 recap

Tuesday, November 21, 2023

Fantasy football 2023 -- week 11 recap