Here’s a look at what some of the Eagles players will be dressing up as for Halloween this year:
** RB D'Andre Swift: The invisible man — When he goes to parties, no one even notices him for the first three-quarters of the event, but then he gets some candy late.
** QB Jalen Hurts: The Riddler — What mysteries will he present today? Will he throw a backbreaking pick or an amazing deep ball? Does he still know how to run?
** C Jason Kelce: A bulldozer — He’s planning to wear yellow, walk up to local homes, and get low enough to push the door back a yard so the kids behind can dive forward for treats.
** LB Haason Reddick: Bruce the Shark — He doesn’t show up until late in the movie, but he’s pretty scary when he finally pops in.
** Offensive Coach Brian Johnson: Andy Reid — He just keeps finding ways to win. But make sure he doesn’t fall behind the rest of the trick-or-treaters because he doesn’t believe in running.
** WR AJ Brown: A rhinoceros — He won’t actually put on a costume, but he will just bulldoze through crowds all night long.
** RB Boston Scott: A clown — He won’t have to put on a costume either. He’s just a clown.
WR: CeeDee Lamb, 29.73 pts — started by Mom D
RB: Gus Edwards, 27.93 pts — started by Mike
TE: Trey McBride, 17.83 pts — on the wire
K: Riley Patterson, 17.00 pts — started by Jeff
DEF: Dallas, 20.00 pts — started by Sam
D: DaRon Bland, 12.00 pts — on the wire
The Eagles are now 7-1, the best record in the NFL. And one week after shutting down the top offense in all of football, they could not touch Howell, the most-sacked QB in the league by far.
Through seven games, Howell had nine TDs, seven INTs and 40 sacks. On Sunday, he threw four TDs and had only one sack (plus a pick) in a career-best day against a defense that is supposed to be able to apply constant pressure to opposing passers. The Commanders have only scored 25 or more points three times this season: Against the Broncos, against the Eagles, and … against the Eagles again. And yet, the southern Maryland team is 0-2 in those games. Go figure.
RIP Minnesota QB Kirk Cousins, who was the fourth-rated fantasy passer on the year (ahead of Patrick Mahomes, Lamar Jackson and Justin Herbert) before going down with an Achilles tear at the end of Sunday’s win over Green Bay. The Vikings are currently 4-4, holding the final NFC playoff spot, but they have also lost their starting QB, Pro-Bowl WR and first-string MLB to lengthy injuries in the last few weeks. On the positive side, at least fans can stop watching football on Sundays now and instead go outside to enjoy the lovely fall weather in Minnesota.
“QBs you sorta remember” edition3rd place: Cooper Rush, -0.18 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jaren Hall, -1.18 pts — on the wire
1st place: Malik Willis, -1.60 pts — on the wire
All these QBs were bad, but shout out to the New Jersey Giants for matching a 23-year-old low in passing yds in Sunday’s embarrassing loss to the Jets. Backup QB Tyrod Taylor, forced into the starter’s role because of an injury to Daniel Jones, went 4-for-7 for 8 yds before leaving with an injury of his own. Third-string QB Tommy DeVito went 2-for-7 for -1 yds after he replaced Taylor. Factoring in sacks, the Giants totaled -9 yds passing on the day, the worst since the Browns lost 48-0 to the Jaguars back in 2000.
To put it another way … you had more passing yards than the Giants did this weekend. And you had zero passing yards.
Unlike that 2000 Browns game, the Giants/Jets matchup somehow went into overtime, with the Jets needing two miracle field goals to tie and win the game 13-10. Jets QB Zach Wilson — who beat the Eagles! — had a pedestrian 17-for-36 passing day for 240 yds and a TD, but also four sacks where he lost 47 yds. The two teams combined for 23 points and 24 punts.
New Jersey football, catch the fever!
** In their weekly recap column, NFL.com listed that Jets/Giants matchup as a “game to revisit” on their streaming service. I’m not sure even the coaching staffs will be rewatching that one.
** College Coach Dabo Sweeney, whose Clemson team is a mediocre 4-4 this year, lashed out at fans during a radio show appearance on Monday for not standing by the team and for media members for criticizing the squad’s performance. On Tuesday, in a press conference when he was asked about those comments, he had this response:
"I'm not going to let one season, when I know exactly what the issues are, and a bunch of great kids and great coaches, I'm not going to let one season dampen that. I'm going to fight for this program, and hopefully we can get back to some appreciation around here … I'm not going to let anything steal my joy of what I do. It doesn't mean I'm happy, but I've got a lot of joy in what I do.”
I dunno, coach. Doesn’t sound all that joyful to me.
** From the New York Post: “James Harden reportedly is ‘ecstatic’ to join the Clippers after being traded by the 76ers.”
Just a quick reminder that Harden was also thrilled 19 months ago when he got traded from the Nets to the 76ers, and one year before that when he got traded from the Rockets to the Nets. But best of luck to Los Angeles’ lesser basketball club with their new PG. I’m sure it’ll all work out well, given the Clippers long history of stability and success.
The NFL returns to Germany this weekend with the first of two scheduled games in Frankfurt. To get you ready for the excitement of watching German football (not futball), here are some common German sports phrases to use while yelling at the TV:
** Bananenflanke: Literally “a pass shaped like a banana.” Used to describe a beautifully curved kick or pass, as opposed to a throw from Giants QB Daniel Jones, which flops around like throwing an actual banana.
** Turniermannschaft: A team that’s mediocre during the regular season but dominates in the playoffs. You could have used it to describe the Phillies, at least until last week.
** Sechspunktespiel: A six-point soccer game. But, honestly, they should make American announcers use this word every time a touchdown is scored.
** Gedächtnisgrätsche: Hard physical play, like in the good old days. You’d use it to talk about Brian Dawkins highlights or how football was played before every other play was a weak pass interference call.
** Fahrstuhlmannschaft: Translates into “elevator club,” and used to describe a team that’s really bad, then really good. The Bengals qualify as this year’s most prominent NFL Fahrstuhlmannschaft.
** Betrügers: Male cheaters. This one will be good to remember for week 10, when the Patriots take on the Colts in Frankfurt.
Next week is the big one for the birds — The Eagles face the Cowboys with first place in the NFC East on the line. Amazingly, it’s only the second time that star QBs Jalen Hurts and Dak Prescott will appear on the field in the same game, despite the two rivals face off twice every year. Hurts is 0-1 against Prescott in his still young career, but has the chance to establish dominance against the godless Cowboys with a win on Sunday. But will it happen? Well, just look at what the matchup spells out:
Hurts against Prescott for first place
** A critic’s truth fest: Pagan roster flops
If Dallas wants to return to glory, maybe they should get right with God first.
** Dad and I split our four different picks this week, leaving me up five for the year in our head-to-head contest. I deserve extra credit for picking the Bengals over the 49ers, since I could sniff out San Francisco’s demise from all the way across the country.
** FYI, the 49ers are 5-3 and in SECOND PLACE in the NFC West behind the 5-2 Seahawks. Maybe San Francisco fans shouldn’t have booked their Super Bowl tickets in September.
** Jalen Hurts has 30 wins in an Eagles uniform in his four-year career. If he can lead the team to five more this season, he’ll tie the total wins of his predecessor, Carson Wentz, in one less season of work. Right now, Hurts has 20 fewer losses than Wentz (12 versus 32).
** Bananenflanke: Literally “a pass shaped like a banana.” Used to describe a beautifully curved kick or pass, as opposed to a throw from Giants QB Daniel Jones, which flops around like throwing an actual banana.
** Turniermannschaft: A team that’s mediocre during the regular season but dominates in the playoffs. You could have used it to describe the Phillies, at least until last week.
** Sechspunktespiel: A six-point soccer game. But, honestly, they should make American announcers use this word every time a touchdown is scored.
** Gedächtnisgrätsche: Hard physical play, like in the good old days. You’d use it to talk about Brian Dawkins highlights or how football was played before every other play was a weak pass interference call.
** Fahrstuhlmannschaft: Translates into “elevator club,” and used to describe a team that’s really bad, then really good. The Bengals qualify as this year’s most prominent NFL Fahrstuhlmannschaft.
** Betrügers: Male cheaters. This one will be good to remember for week 10, when the Patriots take on the Colts in Frankfurt.
Next week is the big one for the birds — The Eagles face the Cowboys with first place in the NFC East on the line. Amazingly, it’s only the second time that star QBs Jalen Hurts and Dak Prescott will appear on the field in the same game, despite the two rivals face off twice every year. Hurts is 0-1 against Prescott in his still young career, but has the chance to establish dominance against the godless Cowboys with a win on Sunday. But will it happen? Well, just look at what the matchup spells out: Hurts against Prescott for first place
** A critic’s truth fest: Pagan roster flops
If Dallas wants to return to glory, maybe they should get right with God first.
** Dad and I split our four different picks this week, leaving me up five for the year in our head-to-head contest. I deserve extra credit for picking the Bengals over the 49ers, since I could sniff out San Francisco’s demise from all the way across the country. ** FYI, the 49ers are 5-3 and in SECOND PLACE in the NFC West behind the 5-2 Seahawks. Maybe San Francisco fans shouldn’t have booked their Super Bowl tickets in September.
** Jalen Hurts has 30 wins in an Eagles uniform in his four-year career. If he can lead the team to five more this season, he’ll tie the total wins of his predecessor, Carson Wentz, in one less season of work. Right now, Hurts has 20 fewer losses than Wentz (12 versus 32).
Week 8 standings 1 — The Best (Jonathan), 1019.48 pts
2 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 1001.51 pts
3 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 990.96 pts
4 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 957.58 pts
5 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 950.33 pts
6 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt. Awesome), 913.61 pts
7 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 895.40 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 885.89 pts
9 — The Bullpenners (Paul), 838.20 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 770.64 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 760.76 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 720.57 pts
Everybody hits, woohoo! With no byes on the schedule for week 8, everyone fielded their best lineups and scored at least 100 pts (except for Bob, who posted an utterly shameful 95.75 pts).
Sam, Mom, Mike and Dad all topped 130 pts, and Jonathan’s once commanding lead in the standings is now down to a mere 18 pts. We have seven teams within 135 pts of first place, and still more than half a season to go.
Now for the bad news — byes are back this week, as is the Thursday game and early Sunday game. Set your rosters early, especially if your quarterback was one of the many who went down with significant injuries this week.
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