** QB Jalen Hurts threw for the fewest yards in a game this season (150) in Monday’s game against the Chiefs. The last time he had a quarterback performance with fewer yards was a 13-7 loss to the Giants in week 12 of 2021.
** The Eagles held the ball on offense for fewer than 28 minutes on Monday night. The last time they had less time on offense in a game was a 20-10 loss to the Saints in week 16 of 2022.
** WR AJ Brown was limited to one catch for 8 yds in Monday’s game. The last time he was held to a single reception was a 32-21 loss to the Commanders in week 9 of 2022.
** The Eagles scored only 21 points on Monday night, their second-lowest total of the year. The last time they scored fewer than 22 points was during a 20-14 loss to the Jets in week 6 of this year.
** The Chiefs led by a touchdown with seven minutes left in Monday’s game. The last time they had that type of lead over the Eagles was during a 38-35 win over the Eagles in the Super Bowl last year.
Don’t be surprised later this week if the NFL uses that evidence to review the results of Monday’s contest and overturn the final result. Until then, enjoy the 9-1 record for the second year in a row.
WR: Calvin Ridley, 24.17 pts — started by Mom D
RB: Saquon Barkley, 26.10 pts — started by Dad
TE: George Kittle, 15.93 pts — started by Paul
K: Tyler Bass, 17.00 pts — started by me
DEF: Buffalo, 24.00 pts — started by Jonathan
D: Khalil Mack, 10.50 pts — on the wire
There were actually ties at the kicker and defensive player spots, but they involved more waiver wire guys, and neither you or I really care.
Just missing the top performers was Dallas CB DaRon Bland, who collected his sixth interception of the season and his fourth interception return TD, tying an NFL record (held by three others, including Eagles CB Eric Allen). That means that Bland, who does not play on offense, now has more receiving TDs on the year than WRs Justin Jefferson, DK Metcalf, Chris Olave, Jalen Waddle or Garret Wilson. He’s also tied with RB Boston Scott in rushing TDs (zero).
A big round of applause for Lawrence, who was the trendy pick in the fantasy sports community to “step up this year” and become a top-tier fantasy scorer. Sadly, this week’s performance was only the third time he has gotten above 20 points in a game. He now ranks as the #17 fantasy quarterback on the season, behind Kirk Cousins (who suffered a season-ending injury three weeks ago) and Josh Dobbs (traded from Arizona to Minnesota to replace Cousins). But, solid work this week at least.
“Just bad” edition3rd place: Craig Reynolds, -1.38 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Drew Lock, -1.88 pts — on the wire
1st place: Tennessee, -2.00 pts — on the wire
The Titans were the only defense on the week to score in negative territory, victims of that onslaught by Lawrence and the Jaguars. Lock was one of three backup QBs to come into a game on Sunday and leave with fewer fantasy points than when they were on the bench.
As mentioned earlier, Burrow went down with a season-ending arm injury in the first quarter of the Bengals’ Thursday night loss to the Ravens. He ended with a disappointing 10.74 pts for Jo’s team … which was still better than the full-game totals from Jets QB Zach Wilson, Panthers QB Bryce Young and Steelers QB Kenny Pickett. There’s a lot of bad QB play out there right now, folks.
** Just how bad was the Maryland Commanders contest to the New Jersey Giants on Sunday? The Giants came into the game 1-8 against the rest of the league, and finished the day 2-0 against the Commanders. Maryland sacked Giants QB Tommy DeVito nine times and still found a way to lose. And yet, none of that was the low point for the once-proud DC-area franchise. That actually came after the game, when both teams took freezing cold showers.
From the team’s front office: “We had an equipment failure in the main water heater that provides hot water to the field level locker rooms. We can’t resolve the matter without completely shutting off the water to the stadium, which is why it couldn’t be repaired in game.”
It’s one thing not to be able to put together a decent football team. It’s another thing not to be able to handle basic plumbing needs for your place of work. No wonder they can’t get the crap out of the place…
** During ESPN’s top plays segment on Tuesday morning, the network showed Chief’s QB Patrick Mahomes scrambling out of a sack and tossing a TD pass over the hands of the Eagles secondary for the game’s first score. “Mahomes, is there anything he can’t do?” asked anchor Jay Harris.
Um, yeah, he couldn’t win that Monday night game all alone. A few minutes ago you had a long segment about all the drops Kansas City’s wideouts have had. I dunno, maybe watch your own show before you throw questions out there.
** CBS analyst Tony Romo, during Buffalo’s big win over the Jets (4-6) on Sunday: “If the Bills win their next three, they may be your Super Bowl favorites.”
The Bills next three: at Eagles (9-1), at Chiefs (7-3), home vs. Cowboys (7-3)
The Bills last four: loss to the Broncos (5-5), loss to the Bengals (5-5), win against the Bucs (4-6), loss to the Patriots (2-8)
All I’m pointing out is that “if” is carrying a lot of weight in that sentence. Maybe have the Bills beat a team with a winning record before planning the championship parade.
- DE Chop Robinson
First-rounder Fraud - OT Olumuyiwa Fashanu
First-rounder Fraud - CB Kool-Aid McKinstry
First-rounder Fraud - OT Joe Alt
First-rounder Fraud - WR Hingle McCringleberry
First-rounder Fraud - DE Laiatu Latu
First-rounder Fraud - OT Kingsley Suamataia
First-rounder Fraud - WR Rome Odunze
First-rounder Fraud - S Kiran Amegadjie
First-rounder Fraud - TE Marshel Martin IV
First-rounder Fraud
Oh, and Hingle McCringleberry is a made-up player from a Key and Peele sketch. But you knew that.
While everyone loves Thanksgiving, we as Americans are faced with the same question every year when the holiday rolls around: Why do we have to watch the stupid Cowboys game instead of a non-evil team? After all, the Lions started playing a Thanksgiving day game 89 years ago, establishing it as an annual tradition. Dallas started playing them 30 years later, declaring it their tradition too because they wanted attention. As thus we were all forced to experience several hours of bitterness on a day meant to engender gratitude. So why hasn’t this been stopped? Can we all pray for relief? Alas, we cannot. Just look at what the letters in the question clearly spell out:
Why do the Dallas Cowboys get to play on every Thanksgiving day?
** Wily Satan, ye icy hag, boldly takes over TV when thy good God naps
I guess the silver lining here is the knowledge that even God naps on Thanksgiving, so it must be a holy and righteous activity.
** Dad and I split our picks this week, he remains down 12 for the season. And, yes, he picked the Jets again. And, yes, the Jets lost again. And, yes, I called Dad to tell him to switch his pick and he still believed in the Jets. I’m honestly out of solutions here. ** Phillies P Aaron Nola’s new seven-year, $172 million contract makes him the richest pitcher in Phillies history and the highest-paid athlete in Philadelphia today … unless you count the six guys still making more than him (AJ Brown, Bryce Harper, Trea Turner, Tobias Harris, Jalen Hurts and Joel Embiid). They all make at least $25 million a year. There are now 11 Philadelphia players making more than $20 million this season. So if you’re wondering why ticket prices are still going up…
** Eagles K Jake Elliott doesn’t have a single field goal this month and has only kicked two in the last five games. I don’t think that’s necessarily a problem, but it is weird.
** After Monday’s win, Eagles QB Jalen Hurts said the victory was even sweeter because “we still haven’t played our best game yet” and, I dunno, maybe we could try that one week? Like, just come out and play well for all four quarters and see what that feels like? It would be a fun experiment, I think.
Week 11 standings 1 — The Best (Jonathan), 1359.35 pts
2 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 1358.97 pts
3 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 1319.42 pts
4 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1309.53 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1274.89 pts
6 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 1271.36 pts
7 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt Awesome), 1243.71 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1202.46 pts
9 — Standard Mediocrity (Paul), 1162.19 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1046.67 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 1046.66 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 996.26 pts
It’s the third straight week we’re had a new leader atop the Awesome Cup standings — this time it’s a return to grace for the boy, who barely squeaked by Dad for first place. The pair were also one-two in the weekly standings, both topping 130 pts in a week where seven teams could not reach 100.
Sam’s tumble down the charts continues unabated. He was within striking distance of the top spot a few weeks ago, and now sits all the way down in no-man’s land with me. Mom D and Jo are still lingering but beginning to fade from the upper echelon. Joel had 42.5 pts on his bench and just 63.30 in his starting lineup, so that is less than ideal.
We’re just seven weeks away from crowning a new Awesome Cup Champion, but this one will test your roster-setting concentration skills. There are three games on Thanksgiving, one on Black Friday, one on Sunday night, one on Monday night and … I don’t know, maybe three on Sunday afternoon? Check those rosters early and often.
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