Spending wisely

This week, the Mets cut 2B Luis Castillo and P Oliver Perez from their active roster, freeing them to sign with any other team but leaving them on the hook for their 2011 salaries ($6 million and $12 million, respectively). That's $18 million being paid for two players not to play for the team.

Here's what $18 million pays for with better teams around the league:

** Seattle Mariners: One full season from OF Ichiro Suzuki ($18 mil)
** New York Yankees: 88 games from 3B Alex Rodriguez ($33 mil for the full year)
** San Diego Padres: The entire team, minus P Aaron Harang and 1B Brad Hawpe ($20 mil combined, $18 mil for the rest of the squad)
** St. Louis Cardinals: One full season from 1B Albert Pujols ($14.6 mil), plus a free $1 hot dog for each of the 3.4 million fans who'll watch home games this year.
** San Francisco Giants: One full season from P Tim Lincecum and OF Pat Burrell ($9 mil each)
** Philadelphia Philles: One full season from P Cliff Lee ($9 mil), P Cole Hamels ($6.65 mil), C Carlos Ruiz ($1.9 mil) and IF Wilson Valdez ($400 K), plus 8 field level seats for every home game this year ($50 K).

Field of 64 ... Philly style

Once again, March Madness provides us the perfect opportunity to look back at the year in Philadelphia sports and judge everyone accordingly. Without any delay, this year's winner is...

Why the NBA stinks

In the last 27 years, seven different cities have won an NBA championship.

In the NFL, seven different cities have won a championship in the last nine years.
In the MLB, seven different cities have won a championship in the last eight years.
In the NHL, seven different cities have won a championship in the last seven years.

Most likely teams to win an NBA championship this year:

-- San Antonio Spurs (4 champs in the last 12 years)
-- Los Angeles Lakers (10 champs in the last 31 years)
-- Chicago Bulls (6 champs in the last 20 years)
-- Boston Celtics (4 champs in the last 30 years)
-- Miami Heat (1 champ in the last 5 years)

I'm just saying, sometimes it's nice to see new faces.

NFL Lockout Q&A

The NFL's collective bargaining agreement expires this Friday, and neither the owners nor the players seem willing to agree on new terms right now, which could jeopardize the 2012 NFL season. Here's a quick primer on the issue for those of you just tuning in:

How serious is this?
Not serious at all. Giving up a few runs in a spring training game means virtually nothing when the regular season starts, so P Cliff Lee's two innings, two runs line today should not set off any alarm bells.

I meant the NFL thing.
Oh.

What's this dispute over?
Money. Everybody wants more.

But don't the players and owners already have a lot?
The NFL minimum salary last year was $310,000, roughly 10 times what you make. The least valuable franchise last year (The Jacksonville Jaguars) was worth $725 million, roughly 25,000 times what you make.

That's a lot of money.
When someone asked John Rockefeller how much money is enough, his answer was "just a little bit more."

So, who's to blame here?
The fans.

What?
Who gave them all that money in the first place? When we started agreeing to a $2,500 charge for the right to buy season tickets, we gave them the right to bicker over percentage points of revenue that could fund a small revolution overseas.

So, how will this affect me?
It won't. Baseball season still starts later this month.

Seriously, how will this affect the NFL?
Draftsgiving will still take place as planned. After that, you have to wait until June to be allowed to panic about losing next season.

But could they really lose the whole season?
Sure. And if they strike and don't play games, the fans will never forgive them ... just like they've never forgiven baseball for that 1994 strike.

Now you're just being cynical.
And you're denying that college football will easily fill the temporary void left by this nonsense.

But what should I do?
Just relax and enjoy the ride. Cliff will have those mechanics worked out in just a few more weeks.

Pre-season World Series quiz

Last week, when reporters asked P Cole Hamels what it was like to be the only Phillies starter with a World Series ring, P Joe Blanton joked that the writers always forget about him (he was on that 2008 team too).

With that in mind, how well do you remember who has a Phillies 2008 ring, and who doesn't? Here's a quick quiz to jog your memory:

OF Matt Stairs RingNo Ring
P Chan Ho Park Ring No Ring
2B Tad Igutchi Ring No Ring
SS Miguel Cairo Ring No Ring
P Brett Myers Ring No Ring
C Paul Bako Ring No Ring
P Clay Condrey Ring No Ring
P Scott Eyre Ring No Ring
OF John Mayberry Ring No Ring
C Chris Coste Ring No Ring
P J.A. Happ Ring No Ring
3B Greg Dobbs Ring No Ring
OF Geoff Jenkins Ring No Ring
P Adam Eaton Ring No Ring
P Kyle Kendrick Ring No Ring

Anything less than 10 right, and your 2008 rally towel is revoked.

By the way, here's the answer key (highlight to read):

Winners:
P Clay Condrey, P J.A. Happ, P Scott Eyre, P Brett Myers, C Chris Coste, 3B Greg Dobbs, OF Geoff Jenkins, OF Matt Stairs

Not Winners:
P Kyle Kendrick (remember, he was left off the WS roster), P Adam Eaton (him too), P Chan Ho Park, C Paul Bako, 2B Tad Igutchi, SS Miguel Cairo, OF John Mayberry

Phailed Phillies marketing

The Phillies are still trying to figure out exactly how to market their quartet of All-Star pitchers (The Four Aces? R2C2? The Fab Four?) before the start of the baseball season. Here's a quick look at some of the campaign ideas that haven't quite reached the right level of hype yet:

500th post spectacular

In honor of my 500th post here, let's take a look at other 500s of note in Philadelphia sports history:

Phillies who have hit 500 home runs: One (Mike Schmidt)
Eagles who have caught 500 passes: One (Harold Carmichael)
Flyers who has tallied 500 assists: One (Bobby Clarke)
Sixers who have scored 500 three-pointers: Two (Allen Iverson and Kyle Korver)

Phillies managers who have won 500 games:
Three (Mauch, Ozark, Manuel)
Phillies managers who have lost 500 games:
Three (Mauch, Ozark, Shotton)

Eagles seasons under .500: 40
Eagles seasons over .500: 33

Flyers who have played at least 500 games: 28
Flyers who have played exactly 500 games: 1 (Paul Holmgren)

Sixers coaches who have lasted 500 games:
Three (Brown, Cunningham, Cervi)
Sixers coaches with a playoff record over .500:
Four (Cunningham, Shue, Hannum, Cervi)

For everyone whose read some or all of those 500 posts, thanks. Doubt I'll make it another 500, but it's been a fun ride so far.

Betting on the big game

Actual Super Bowl prop bets (on BoDog.com) that would make for both a hefty payout and an awesome game:

One of the teams blocks/misses an extra point
** $10 bet pays you $100

Packers QB Aaron Rodgers’ first pass attempt is intercepted
** $10 bet pays $150

Fergie sings at halftime in a thong and Dallas cheerleader outfit
** $10 bet pays $150

The Steelers have zero punts in the game
** $10 bet pays $200

Neither team scores more than 10 points
** $10 bet pays $300

Both teams combine for 10 touchdowns
** $10 bet pays $300

Neither team records a sack in the game
** $10 bet pays $400

Packers backup RB Brandon Jackson wins the Super Bowl MVP
** $10 bet pays $500

The receiving team fumbles away the opening kickoff
** $10 bet pays $650

The first TD of the game is officially a zero-yard TD
** $10 bet pays $750

The Packers score exactly 43 points for the game
** $10 bet pays $3,000

The Steelers score exactly two points for the game
** $10 bet pays $30,000

Pressing Pro Bowl questions

With the big game just days away, here's what all the NFL fans are talking about (other than the Super Bowl, the just-completed championship games, the upcoming draft, the possible lockout, next year's college football season, and pretty much anything else):

** Will two more Falcons make the team?
The all-time record for players on a single Pro-Bowl squad is 11, set by the 2007 Cowboys. But with the addition of CB Brent "Frank" Grimes on Monday, the Hotlanta birds now boast nine all-stars (and zero playoff wins this year.) Can the NFL find room for just a few more of their players, and erase that Dallas record?

** Will WR Brandon Lloyd win the MVP?
Only three teams have never had a Pro-Bowl MVP: the Ravens, Panthers and Broncos. The Baltimore and Carolina don't have any likely candidates on offense, but Denver does have their #1 WR in the mix. Hopefully he can haul in three TD passes and the MVP award for the good fans out in the mile-high city.

** Will anyone rush for 181 yards?
Hard to believe, but the Pro-Bowl single game rushing record is 180 yards, posted by Marshall Faulk (in 1995, while he was with the Colts, for the love of gawd). The single game receiving record is 212 yards (Randy Moss, in 2000) and the passing record is 342 yards (Peyton Manning, 2004). It's hard to believe anyone would try that hard, but maybe Phillip Rivers or Jamaal Charles is really angry about how the season turned out and wants to take it out on someone.

** Will a Seahawk be named to the squad?
Seattle grabbed the biggest upset of the playoffs this year (upending the Saints in the first round), but so far they're the only team not to have a representative on the Pro-Bowl roster. S Earl Thomas appeared to be in line to replace Packers' S Nick Collins, but that honor went instead to S Roman Harper of New Orleans (so, the Saints win that round). Time is running out for the NFL to keep that valuable Seattle TV market interested in the game.

** Will anyone watch?
Someone must care -- Vegas even sets a betting line for the game (NFC is favored by 1.5 points). But, with the game back in Hawaii and more players planning to bail on the trip, it's worth asking whether the NFL needs to shake up the spectacle.

Here's an idea that's been floated before, but it worth exploring: replace it with a skills competition. A good skills competition. And instead of offering money, make the winners be the only players eligible to sign shoe contracts (the NFL already has stricter on-field uniform rules than that). Think that won't make DeSean Jackson participate in a 50-yard dash? Think that won't make Peyton Manning see who can chuck a football the furthest? Hell, throw in one free helmet-to-helmet penalty for the winner of the linebackers' skill contest, and the whole thing falls in place.

Reseeding the NFL playoffs

If you were one of the thousands of NFL fans who thought the Seahawks upset victory over the Saints was a spectacular dose of excitement and fun in the playoffs this year, you’re wrong and should feel ashamed. The 7-9 Seahawks were clearly the most harmful thing to happen to the league since the start of the Super Bowl era (at least according to the TV football experts) and proves that the NFL must abandon its antiquated conference playoffs format in lieu of “having the best teams” play in January.

Obviously, the only solution is to develop an NCAA-basketball-style playoff, giving byes to the four best teams and awarding home-field playoff games to the next four strongest. If we ranked this year’s top NFL squads based on record and opponent win percentage (which would be the only fair tiebreaker), here’s what we’d get (teams listed with regular season record and opponent win percentage):

Much more exciting already – we’ve eliminated the boring Chiefs (10-6, but with a .414 opponent win percentage) and Seahawks entirely, and replaced them with the thrill-a-minute Bucs and Giants. Sure, the Eagles and Colts lose their home-field playoff game, and the Bears lose their first-round bye, but surely it’s all worth it to get that New York vs. New York first-round game, right?

Or perhaps we should go with a true NCAA style ranking, where we ignore records and actual team accomplishments in lieu of ESPN’s end-of-season opinion rankings? Here's what we'd get:

Again, a far superior system. We’ve replaced a boring Seahawks upset of the Saints with a massacre of the Giants down in New Orleans. The Bears still get screwed, but I’m pretty sure Baltimore is a bigger TV market to pander to than those pesky Chicago fans. And, there’s still a great chance you’ll get that Jets-Patriots second-round game, provided they could boot the Packers out of the playoffs early.

But why stop there? Why should the regular season decide who gets in the playoffs? Can’t we just let sports writers feel what the right matchups are? Let’s seed the playoffs based off the pre-season rankings, which is what we all really wanted to see anyways. Here's what we'd get (teams listed with pre-season ranking and actual regular season record):

Now that's a playoff we could all be proud of.

Looking forward to more Coach Reid in 2011

This week, the Tennessee Titans announced they will bring back coach Jeff Fisher for his 18th season this fall, despite a seven-year drought since his last playoff win. Fisher is the only active coach in the NFL who has remained in the same job longer than Eagles coach Andy Reid, who will enter his 13th season this fall.

A comparison of their resumes:

** Age?
Fisher: 52
Reid: 52

** Overall win percentage?
Fisher: 54 percent
Reid: 62 percent

** Only Super Bowl appearance?
Fisher: 1999 (year six coaching)
Reid: 2004 (year six coaching)

** Post SB playoff record?
Fisher: 2-5
Reid: 3-4

** Team average division finish?
Fisher: 2.4 place
Reid: 2.0 place

With that in mind, here’s a look at how Fisher’s teams have done in years 13 through 17 of his coaching:

** 1 division title
** 0 playoff wins
** 0 Super Bowl appearances
** 0 Super Bowl championships

But I’m sure Andy will have completely different results in his future. After all, he’s a completely different coach.

2010 fantasy season recap

Here are the final league standings for this season:

Farve Dollar Footlongs (Ant)
Prediction -- 11th place, 1800.00 pts
Actual finish -- 12th place, 1807.76 pts
NFL equivalent -- Carolina Panthers
Let's be honest -- Between his new job and the birth of his beautiful baby daughter this season, Anthony could care less about his last-place finish. He barely even tried for most of the year, just like the Panthers. On the plus side, both are guaranteed great draft picks next year. And both have nine months to come up with excuses for next year's terrible season as well.

Heidi’s team (Heidi)
Prediction -- 12th place, 1705 pts
Actual finish -- 11th place, 1856.69 pts
NFL equivalent -- Cincinnati Bengals
Heidi’s coaching skills have just never fully recovered from that one-year suspension for performance-enhancing drugs in 2007. Sure, it’s usually not this bad of a finish, but there’s no fire, no passion for crushing the league. Clearly, there’s only one way for her to get that enthusiasm back: Force a trade out of Green Bay, sexually harass some folks in New York, then move to Minnesota. That’s standard career rejuvenation now, right?

I heart WRs (Paul)
Prediction -- 2nd place, 2125 pts
Actual finish -- 10th place, 1914.21 pts
NFL equivalent -- Minnesota Vikings
Both Paul's team and the Vikings came into 2010 with high expectations, and both leave the season with their shoulders slumped and hopes dashed. On the bright side, at least Paul's house didn't collapse under the weight of a sudden snowfall, so he's in better shape than the Minnesota franchise. On the down side, his recent referendum for a bond sale to finance a 65,000-seat addition to his house was not approved by voters.

Obama’s Kenyan Birth (Jim)
Prediction -- 8th place, 1889 pts
Actual finish -- 9th place, 1921.69 pts
NFL equivalent -- Cleveland Browns
Everything about Jim screams Cleveland Browns. Questionable coaching? Check. Surly fan base? Check. Eric Mangini hanging out in his living room? Check. (By the way, Jim, Eric Mangini needs a place to stay, now that he got fired.) The good news for Jim and his Cleveland buddies is that baseball season starts soon, so they'll all once again be pulling for the Indians and rooting against those stinking Yankees.

I Love Me Some Me (Joanner)
Prediction -- 1st place, 2126 pts
Actual finish -- 8th place, 1964.51 pts
NFL equivalent -- Houston Texans
Nothing acts like the kiss of death like NFL "experts" calling you the team to watch, and nothing kills your Awesome Cup chances like me putting you #1 in the pre-season poll. So, both the Texans and Joanna taste bitter defeat and finish near the bottom of the pile. However, her poor record this year reflects well on Junior Awesome, who helped guide her to a 3rd-place finish last year from his assistant coaching seat in her belly. That kid clearly has potential.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Prediction -- 4th place, 2020 pts
Actual finish -- 7th place, 2030 pts
NFL equivalent -- San Diego Chargers
A bit of a down year for the one-time Awesome Cup champ, but we'll focus on the positives. He set his roster for at least 12 of the 17 weeks this season. He finished second (out of three) in the league's Ohio subdivision. And he was not fined by the NFL once this year for an illegal helmet-to-helmet hit, or for tripping players on the sidelines. That Jeff is a class act, and he's proving that nice guys don't always finish last. Sometimes they finish seventh.

The Tebow Connection (Joel)
Prediction -- 10th place, 1825 pts
Actual finish -- 6th place, 2115.46 pts
NFL equivalent -- Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I'll admit I didn't think Joel, despite the solid team name, had a chance of finishing in the top half of the bracket, but like Tampa Bay he surprised with a strong all-around performance. It just wasn't strong enough to really matter in the end. But, like the Bucs, at least he can look back on that great 2002 championship season with fond memories and a sense of hope for the future. Wait, he didn't win that year? Ouch.

Jonathan’s PopPop (Dad)
Prediction -- 7th place, 1949 pts
Actual finish -- 5th place, 2117.41 pts
NFL equivalent -- Jacksonville Jaguars
Dad inched out Joel by fewer than two pts to secure fifth place and win ... pride, I guess? Like the Jags, he earns the distinction of being the best of the non-playoff teams. And, like the Jags, that earns you a slightly-better-but-still-not-good draft pick next year. But he'll definitely be able to grab Kevin Kolb in the first round this year. I've got a good feeling about that kid taking over the Eagles offense in 2011.

Stay Puft Haynesworth (NewMike)
Prediction -- 6th place, 1950 pts
Actual finish -- 4th place, 2183.06 pts
NFL equivalent – New Orleans Saints
The Awesome Cup defending champs played like the defending Super Bowl champs: good, but not quite good enough to really stand out. NewMike just edged out Paul for the most roster moves this year (30 to 29) and the most pick-ups of players minutes before I got them (at least a dozen). He also easily posted the best team name in a weak crop of contenders. Start thinking of better ones for next year. “KevinKolb4evar” will not be accepted.

Springfield Atoms (Bob)
Prediction -- 9th place, 1850 pts
Actual finish -- 3rd place, 2268.68 pts
NFL equivalent -- Kansas City Chiefs
For a while it looked like Dr. Bob and all his fancy-pants college degrees had this league wrapped up, but book learning ain’t how you win the Awesome Cup. If he had used some street smarts instead of his ivory tower academics, maybe he could have predicted two untimely concussions to QB Aaron Rodgers and a mysterious late-season disappearance by WR Calvin Johnson. But he didn’t. On the plus side, a bronze medal is a nice consolation prize … if you get that for finishing third here, which we don’t.

I’m on a Horse (ChampMike)
Prediction -- 5th place, 2001 pts
Actual finish -- 2nd place, 2279.48 pts
NFL equivalent -- Pittsburgh Steelers
Old reliable Mike, the only two-time Awesome Cup champion in league history (more on that in a minute), made a strong run at the title again this season with a Dwayne-Bowe-filled stats avalanche in December. But, as we all know, if you're not first, you're last. So Mike and Heidi get the same prize for their very different finishes at each end of the leaderboard: a hearty handshake, and a comfy seat on the couch during the post-season. In Dallas, they call that a Tony Romo winter.

West Coast Westy (Capt. Awesome)
Prediction -- 3rd place, 2072 pts
Actual finish -- 1st place, 2328.68 pts
NFL equivalent -- 2008 Philadelphia Phillies
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot there is one other two-time Awesome Cup champ, now that this season has finished. I rode the Tom Brady-Mike Vick-LeSean McCoy train to my second league title, and accomplished something no other football team in history has done -- won meaningful games with Lee Evans on my squad. The word "hero" is thrown around too casually by the liberal media nowadays, but I think in this case, considering my coaching skills, it's absolutely appropriate.

In celebration, I looked up what I wrote the last time I won the league title, and it's as poetic now as it was then: "So that’s how it ends, with me striking the Heisman pose and all of you wishing you were more like me. And that’s a pretty happy ending.

Without further ado, I happily award the 2010 Awesome Cup to myself:

Thanks all for playing this year. Remember, I'm here every week, good football or bad football, so be sure to check back for some chuckles through the playoffs and the weeks leading up to Draftsgiving. And start getting your act together for next fantasy season, and the race for the 10th Awesome Cup title.

2010 fantasy recap, week 17

** Neither Kevin Kolb nor Donovan McNabb was the right choice at QB for the Eagles.
** It doesn't matter what else happens, Peyton Manning will end up in the playoffs.
** It doesn't matter what else happens, Eli Manning will choke in December.
** Terrell Owens can still play, but somehow that means fewer wins, not more.
** Football should never be played on Tuesday nights, unless it's college teams no one cares about.
** The NFC West is, and always has been, simply terrible.
** Brett Favre is one of the greatest QBs in NFL history, and nobody wants to see him play ever again.

Top QBs
1st place: Tom Brady, 371.00 pts – 5th QB drafted (me)
2nd place: Aaron Rodgers, 360.48 pts – 1st QB drafted (Bobert)
3rd place: Mike Vick, 352.32 pts – Waiver pick-up (me)
No one can tell you that just a few months ago they saw Vick cracking the top three, but at least the other two here were expected.

Top RBs
1st place: Arian Foster, 374.87 pts – 25th RB drafted (Joel)
2nd place: Peyton Hillis, 279.52 pts – 44th RB drafted (NewMike)
3rd place: LeSean McCoy, 277.97 pts – 18th RB drafted (me)
You can't say the same for these guys. Arian Foster, who no one ever heard of before September, easily won the league rushing title and was the best fantasy player overall.

Top WRs
1st place: Roddy White, 273.40 pts – 8th WR drafted (Jeff)
2nd place: Dwayne Bowe, 240.37 pts – 19th WR drafted (ChampMike)
3rd place: Brandon Lloyd, 238.73 pts – Waiver pick-up (ChampMike)
Dwayne Bowe (whose parents apparently wanted to name him Rainbow but had a speech impediment) was a mild surprise here, but Lloyd was a stunner. He had more yards and catches this year than in three years with the Bears and Racial Slurs combined.

Top TEs
1st place: Jason Witten, 215.30 pts – 7th TE drafted (NewMike)
2nd place: Mercedes Lewis, 162.17 pts – 18th TE drafted (ChampMike)
3rd place: Antonio Gates, 162.13 pts – 2nd TE drafted (NewMike)
The #1 drafted TE? Brent Celek. How'd that work out for the first half of the season?

Top K
1st place: Sebastian Janikowski, 158.00 pts – 10th K drafted (Joel)
2nd place: David Akers, 154.50 pts – 12th K drafted (ChampMike)
3rd place: Josh Brown, 139.00 pts – Never used
Twelve teams in the league, and no one had use for poor Josh Brown? So sad.

Top DEF
1st place: Pittsburgh, 221.00 pts – 5th DEF drafted (Jeff)
2nd place: New England, 218.00 pts – Waiver pick-up (me)
3rd place: Green Bay, 210.00 pts – 4th DEF drafted (ChampMike)
Frankly, I only get surprised when Pittsburgh doesn't have one of the top three defenses. Hopefully Green Bay's D will suffer a sudden breakdown next Sunday.

Top D
1st place: Kerry Rhodes, 79.00 pts – Waiver pick-up (NewMike)
2nd place: James Harrison, 77.50 pts – Waiver pick-up (ChampMike)
3rd place: Terrell Thomas, 77.00 pts – Waiver pick-up (Paul)
3rd place: Ray Lewis, 77.00 pts – Waiver pick-up (Joel)
And, once again, none of us have any idea how to draft defensive players. But at least we corrected our mistakes.

“Year-end” edition

5th place: Sage Rosenfels, -0.30 pts
4th place: Brodie Croyle, -0.48 pts
3rd place: Levi Brown, -1.04 pts
2nd place: Brian Brohm, -3.76 pts
1st place: Todd Collins, -7.28 pts

The bottom six spots of the year all went to backup QBs, but no one was quick as spectacularly awful on the year as the Bears second-string signal caller.

In two appearances this year, Collins passed for just 68 yards and five interceptions. His QB rating for the season was 5.9, roughly seven times worse than your QB rating for the year (1 attempt, 0 completions equals a 39.5 rating). For good measure, he was also sacked twice.

Amazingly, Chicago was 1-1 in those games, beating Carolina 23-6 in a game where Collins threw four picks. Just so we’re clear on that point: The Bears would have been better off not fielding a QB in that game, and they still won by 17 points.

If you missed that contest, don’t worry. I’m sure the NFL Network will be airing it as an instant classic for years to come.

Players who appeared in Sunday's games who I was sure had retired already:

** Mark Brunell: The 40-year-old QB, in his 15th year, threw two TDs and a pick in the Jets' win over Buffalo on Sunday.
** Fred Taylor: The aging RB, whose career appeared over in 2002 because of leg injuries, had 10 carries in the Patriots win over the Dolphins.
** Greg Lewis: The eight-year WR, who hasn't caught more than 20 passes in a season since 2005, had a tackle in the Vikings loss to the Lions.
** Donte Stallworth: The controversial WR, who was suspended for the season two years ago following a fatal DUI accident, had one rush for 15 yards in the Ravens win over the Bengals.
** Takeo Spikes: The 13-year LB, who had recorded a sack in each of his last 12 seasons, had three tackles but no sacks in the 49ers win over the Cardinals.
** Kevin Kolb: The fourth-year QB, who came into this year as the Eagles' starter, sorta sucks.

This weekend marked the end of the regular season, but not the end of stupid. Here's a quick sampling of what to expect as the playoffs roll around:

Before the games started, ESPN talking head Chris Berman said the Green Bay Packers had a chance to end the playoff hopes for the Giants "and the largest TV market in America, much to the NFL's dismay." So, ESPN has finally acknowledged that the New York Jets do not play in New York or have any fans there.

During the Eagles game, the FOX announcers explained that three teams were vying for the final playoff spot "but only one of them, the Packers, controls their own destiny." You know, as opposed to all three of them controlling their own destiny, and all three of them getting in on that one playoff spot.

Sunday night, following a Seattle TD by WR Mike Williams , NBC analyst Chris Collinsworth exclaimed "what a long, strange ride it has been for this guy." I did not realize that Collinsworth went to the same Catholic high school as me, where the senior prom theme was "what a long, strange journey it's been" because the word "trip" was too suggestive.

But my personal favorite of the weekend came during the CBS telecast of the Chargers-Broncos game, when QB Phillip Rivers scrambled past a blitzing linebacker and tossed a beautiful 20-yard pass for a first down:

Color announcer: "Did you see that? You think Phillip Rivers doesn't care about this game? Do you think Rivers thinks this game is meaningless and doesn't care if he wins?"
Play-by-play announcer: "No, no I don't. I didn't say that."

Sorry to say, but the commentary only gets worse as the games get more important.

Why wait until this season is over to start worrying about next year? Here's a quick breakdown of the Eagles' already set opponents for next season, and their chances of beating them:

Home Games: Cowboys, Giants, Racial Slurs, Patriots, Jets, Niners, Cardinals, Bears
** The Patriots and Jets are harsh home opponents, and with the loss of CB Asante Samuel for the 2011 season (convicted of insider trading) Tom Brady and Mark Sanchez carve up the defense in lopsided losses, and a mid-season upset loss to the 0-6 Racial Slurs hurts too. But the Eagles steal an early-season win against the Bears (a fourth quarter Devin Hester fumble sets up the game-winning field goal), and beat the rest of their NFC opponents, to finish 5-3 at home.

Away Games: Cowboys, Giants, Racial Slurs, Bills, Dolphins, Seahawks, Rams, Falcons
** LeSean McCoy rushes for a team-record 240 yards in an early match-up in Buffalo, setting up a season-long theme of "run first" for the new-look Eagles. A mid-season loss in Atlanta doesn't hurt as much as a dreadful game against 2-6 Seattle (Mike Vick, three INTs and two fumbles) but the team finishes strong to post a 11-5 record overall. Unfortunately, that Seahawks loss costs them a first-round bye again.

Conclusion: Actually, it's 2013 you should really start worrying about. Have you seen that schedule? Ugh.

The Cowboys handled the Eagles second-stringers on Sunday, completing their season with a 6-10 record. Sure, the team didn't quite reach their pre-season Super Bowl expectations, but a few nice games at the end of the season and a win against the NFC East champs to close the year has to leave the Cowboys with some positive momentum, right? Let's anagram it and see:

Cowboys rally in final game for a victory
** No valor: Crying Cowboy army fails at life

That seems a bit harsh. Maybe if we just phrase it a little differently?

Dallas squad manages win in their last week
** Therein, squawking seals still damned. Waaa

OK, but really, can we leave the boys for the year on such a negative anagram? One more, please:

Big D triumphs in final weekend contest
** But finish lacks redemption. Wet ending

That'll do it. Have fun playing golf while good teams play the Super Bowl in your home, cowpokes.

** Dad and I split the final slate of game this week, giving me a slim one-game victory in our weekly picks contest ... but a victory nonetheless. It's our closest finish ever and only the sixth time I've won the rivalry since I left home for college (I think ... to be honest, we usually forget who won by the time the next season rolls around). As punishment, Dad has to wear the shirt of my choosing when we go to Citizens Bank Park later this spring. I'll make him wear his embarrassing #33 Cliff Lee shirt, while I wear my far superior #34 Cliff Lee shirt.

** Only 87 days until baseball season begins.

** I'd like to point out once again that when I said Kevin Kolb was the wrong choice at QB for the Eagles, I was completely right. Nevermind the logic behind it. The important point here is to recognize the conclusion was correct.

** Don't forget: University of Delaware plays for the national championship of college football (in the division that really matters) this Friday night. You're rooting for the guys with blue and yellow helmets this time, not against them.

Coming tomorrow -- the final season recap, and the engraving of the Awesome Cup.

2010 fantasy recap, week 16

Nine years ago, the NFL struggled with the decision of whether to postpone their entire slate of games for a weekend after the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil stunned the nation and grounded every single plane in the country. They did, after several days of deliberation and some emotional patriotic words on both sides of the debate.

On Sunday, the NFL decided to postpone the Eagles/Vikings game after about three hours of listening to weathermen predict unbearably heavy snowfall in New York and Boston, hundreds of miles north of Lincoln Financial Field, because of concerns about how bad the roads outside the stadium might be.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you, as gently as possible, is that the terrorists won.

Hey, Ed Rendell agrees with me.

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 42.76 pts – started by Bobert
RB: Jamaal Charles, 26.37 pts – started by Paul
WR: Jerome Simpson, 26.27 pts – sitting on the wire
TE: Kellen Winslow, 25.53 pts – started by Jeff
K: Sebastian Janikowski, 19.00 pts – started by Joel
DEF: New England, 26.00 pts – started by me
D: Antoine Winfield, 18.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Winfield, the Vikings cornerback, got 10 of his 18 pts on that first-half sack-fumble-TD against the Eagles on Monday night. Luckily, the Birds played poorly enough that didn't really matter in the end.

By the way, Heidi's team scored just 59 pts this week, one of the worst outings ever in league history. That's largely because her top RB and starting QB were both benched this week, and she did nothing in response. For comparison's sake, Bobert's starting QB and top running back posted 52 pts on their own.

“Names you know” edition
3rd place: Fred Taylor, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Brodie Croyle, -2.08 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Mike Tolbert, -2.20 pts – started by Paul

How is it even possible that Fred Taylor is even playing? His knees were washed up six years ago.

By the way, just last month I wrote this:

"Paul started the worst player in the league for the third time this year. Two times is bad coaching. Three? That's just rotten luck. FYI, four is destiny."

It's destiny, Paul. Sorry.

Think you know the NFL? Then see if you can name which of the following folks are 2010 Pro-Bowlers, and which ones are space Marines from the movie Aliens.

** Al Apone: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer
** Marc Mariani: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer
** Maurkice Pouncey: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer
** Daniel Spunkmeyer: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer
** Logan Mankins: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer
** Vonta Leach: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer
** Trevor Wierzbowski: Pro-Bowl or space? Answer

If you got fewer than five right, game over, man, game over.

On the NFL Network's special Saturday edition of Thursday Night Football (OK, right there, stop. That alone is stupid enough to stop typing this entire section. If you can't decide what day of the week it is, you shouldn't be airing football, driving cars, or speaking on any sort of mass media. I'm going to start having special Monday editions of Saturday afternoon and see if my bosses still expect me to show up for work ...)

On the NFL Network's special Saturday edition of Thursday Night Football, when they were talking about the possibility of the Eagles and Vikings playing in a blizzard, Marshall Faulk let loose the following line:

"This definitely plays in favor of the Vikings, because they're more familiar with this kind of weather. Remember, the Vikings played in a snowstorm last week, the first outdoor game in Minnesota in 23 years."

So, to recap, a team which lost by four touchdowns in their first home outdoor game since Ronald Reagan was president is more equipped to handle bad weather than an Eagles team which plays multiple outdoor home games every winter. Makes perfect sense to me.

The spectacular sports blog The700Level is running a poll right now to pick the most shocking moment in Philadelphia sports for 2010. Here's what their candidates are:

** The Eagles trade Donovan McNabb within the division.
** The Flyers come back from 0-3 down in the playoffs to beat the Bruins in seven.
** The Eagles name Mike Vick their starter.
** The Phillies sign Cliff Lee.
** The Eagles score four TDs in the last 9 minutes to beat the Giants.

While that's a great list, here's what that leaves off:

** Roy Halladay pitches a perfect game.
** The Sixers get the number two pick in the NBA draft.
** Roy Halladay pitches the second no-hitter in MLB playoff history.
** The Eagles score 45 points in the first half against the Maryland Racial Slurs.
** Jayson Werth signs with the Washington Natinals.

And, of course, there's the not-necessarily-shocking but still-notable events:

** The Flyers reach the Stanley Cup finals.
** The Philadelphia Union plays its inaugural season.
** The Phillies reach their third straight NLCS.
** Roy Halladay wins the Cy Young by unanimous vote.
** The Eagles win the NFC East division title.

Yeah, that all happened this year.

Around this time of year I always hear the same thing (or, I would if anyone were still reading these recaps): How do you come up with all those anagrams?

Every year I try to explain to you folks that I'm not making this stuff up. If you look hard enough, the vile blackness that lies in the soul of every cowboys player easily emerges from the letters in their name. And if you still don't believe that, you can ask the players themselves:

Dallas Cowboys Right Guard Montrae Holland
** Lo, anagrams hold truth. Clownboys lag, I dread.

I ask you, what further proof do you need?

Click on the image below to make it bigger:

We've never had a closer race than this, folks. I've grabbed the lead in the penultimate week of the season, but I'm ahead of ChampMike and Bobert by about a TD. What will the final week bring? Bob's first Awesome Cup championship? My second? ChampMike's third?

Just a few more days and we'll know.

** The Saints big win on Monday night kept the Eagles' hope of home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs alive and gave me a one-game edge on Dad in our weekly picks going into the final slate of the season. Much like the fantasy season, it all comes down to one more week...

** Fantasy playoff challenge? Anyone? Anyone?

** By the way, the Eagles game on NBC was also "a special Tuesday night edition of Sunday Night Football." Somebody shoot me. At least they skipped that dreadful intro song.

** And for all the pundits who got excited about professional football being played on a Tuesday for the first time since the 1940s, I have bad news: Professional football is played almost every Tuesday during the fall. It's just called "college football." There was already a bowl game scheduled for last Tuesday. Get over it.

2010 fantasy recap, week 15

Items going through the mind of Giants punter Matt Dodge in the waning seconds of the Eagles' comeback win in New Jersey on Sunday:

** Coach said not to kick it to DeSean Jackson, but maybe that was reverse psychology.

** You know, if he scores a TD we'll probably be home before dark.

** There are 10 other guys out here -- one of them just has to be close enough to grab him.

** I wonder if that Redskins punting job is still open.

** Ahh, crap.

QB: Mike Vick, 44.68 pts – sitting on my bench
RB: Ray Rice, 37.63 pts – started by Joel
WR: Vincent Jackson, 30.47 pts – started by Dad
TE: Jason Witten, 25.33 pts – started by NewMike
K: Robbie Gould, 16.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Chicago, 23.00 pts – started by Jo
D: Drew Coleman, 12.50 pts – sitting on the wire

Over the last six weeks, I’ve cost myself roughly 60 pts through incorrect calls with my two QBs, Vick and Tom Brady. At this point, I’m starting about starting one and putting money down on the other, because it seems like a sure way to profit from my lack of prognosticating skills.

By the way, a quick review of the league records shows that Heidi hasn’t had a top performer since week 5, the longest stretch of any team. That’s poor coaching right there. She needs to step up and tell Maurice Jones-Drew to be a hero out there next week.

"People on Anthony's team" edition
2nd Place (tie): Joseph Addai, 0.00 pts -- started by Ant
2nd Place (tie): San Francisco, 0.00 pts -- sitting on Ant
1st Place: Matt Hasselbeck, -2.76 pts -- sitting on Ant

In fairness, Addai was hurt and did not play, but since Anthony started him I thought I should include him. Hasselbeck had an impressive 28.9 rating (10 points worse than you) after two picks and an interception. San Francisco just kind of sucked.

Statistics of note from football this week

1 -- Number of times an NFL game has ended on a game-winning punt-return TD, now that the Eagles have done it.
1 -- Number of consecutive starts by Vikings QB Brett Farve, tying him for 32nd in the league.
1 -- Number of road wins by the Lions in their last 27 road games, a span of more than three years.
1 -- Number of TDs, rushing and receiving, scored by Saints RB Reggie Bush this season.
1 -- Number of playoff wins by the Cowboys in the last 14 years.

From Redskins QB Donovan McNabb, on whether he'd like to return to the Maryland Racial Slurs, a team which just demoted him to the third-string because they think washout QB Rex Grossman gives them a better future:

"I want to be here. I really do. ...I don't believe in starting something and not finishing."

Dude, take a hint.

Here's a look at what fans from a handful of the top sports cities are hoping to get for Christmas:

** New York: A new punter for the Giants.
** San Diego: Some decent weather for a change.
** Detroit: Brett Farve. Hey, at least you'd watch then.
** Tampa: A little respect would be nice.
** New England: Randy Moss. It's be the perfect gag gift.
** Buffalo: Snow shovels. For the love of gawd, more snow shovels.
** Washington: Another $100 million contract to ride the bench.
** Philadelphia: Quit whining. You already got Cliff Lee.

It's been a long, rough season for those poor Cowboys, who'll have to watch some other team play the Super Bowl in that temple of decadence that Jerry Jones built. Does that wear on players this time of year? Just take a look:

Dallas Cowboys right inside linebacker Kenwin Cummings
** Cry, babies. Two more glum, crabby weeks inching in. Sad calls in kind.

Yeah, I feel really bad for them.

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

Bobert is desperately trying to hold on, but he has two Awesome Cup champions ahead of him and another on his heels. Like Aaron Rodgers, his championship dreams are blurry and dazed, but not totally dark yet.

Meanwhile, everyone else is playing for fifth place. Consider yourselves the Houston Texans.

** Dad picked up another game, leaving us tied for the season in our weekly picks contest. This is the closest either of us can remember the picks being in years. My prediction? It'll come down to a last-second punt return for a TD. Nobody will see it coming.

** So, the Phillies sign Cliff Lee away from the Yankees, the Flyers thump the Rangers, and the Eagles rip out the hearts of the Giants, all in the span of less than a week. Next week, the Statue of Liberty is relocated to Penn's Landing and the Dow Jones Industrial Average is bought by Tony Luke's.

** If the Eagles win next week, or the Giants lose, the Eagles are in the playoffs. If the Cowboys win next week, it totally doesn't matter at all.