We've got all the teams signed in, we've got the draft rules squared away, and we've got representatives from each of the teams present at Fort Awesome. It's time to put the first four names in the Eagles skull cap and kick off the new fantasy football season. First name out of the hopper is...
13 -- New Guy Mike (Pick Six Dix)
Ha! I'm already loving it; The new system screws the new guy. His representative, Jason Campbell playing in tonight's pre-season game against the Patriots, is promptly sacked while responding to the bad news.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
12 -- Bobert (Werewolf BarMitzvah)
If we had gone with a straight reverse of last year's standings, this is where Bob would have ended up. So his representative, a can of compressed air on the computer, lets out a small hiss but remains largely apathetic.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
11 -- Joanner (Chase Utley's WFCs)
Joanna's representative, Joanna, is not happy. This is the worst possible slot she could have landed under the rules. But, since she's picking the names, she has no one to blame but herself. And maybe T.O., somehow.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
10 -- Dad (BetterThanYourTeam)
And Dad gets screwed by the system too, picking the lowest he possibly could. His rep, my Harry Kalas tribute doll from 2000, sits quiet and defeated in the corner. It's mostly because the batteries died years ago, but it's also the disappointment.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
9 -- Heidi (name still TBD)
Finally, one of the unstoppable Fort Doyle brigade gets their name picked. Although, she should be happy; If we picked based on the date you got your team registered, she'd be dead last. Heidi's representative arrived too late to the draft to record her reaction.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
8 -- Capt. Awesome (ZombieJacko Comeback)
Let no one question the fairness of this complex drafting system; Joanna, my father and I all got the worst picks we possibly could. Son of a ... absolutely ridiculous. My representative, my Dawkins jersey, sits angry in the corner, for a number of reasons.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
7 -- Anthony (Suck My Vick)
You know, Champ Mike's name still hasn't been picked, and he certainly doesn't need the help to win this league again. This system sucks. Meanwhile, Ant's rep, a life-sized cardboard cutout of Mike Vick in full Eagles gear, is reduced to more self loathing by the news.
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
6 -- Jim (Palin's Death Panels)
Jim's proxy, a wrinkled copy of Sports Illustrated in the recycling bin that has Troy Polamalu on the cover, smiles ominously. What does he have in store? Drafting Santonio Holmes with his top pick? Skipping the first round this year? It's always an adventure...
Next name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
5 -- Joel (Bullets over Burress)
Joel's reward for the best team name is that he gets screwed by the new system too, picking two spots lower than if I just did it based on last year's standings. Still, his rep, a toy dart gun I have laying around, gets so excited by a top-half pick that it shoots me in the leg.
Final name goes in the hat and the next pick is...
4 -- Champ Mike (Bad Newz Iggles)
Finally. The only two-time Awesome Cup champion picks up where he left off last year, moving way up in the standings and getting a chance at a franchise-caliber running back for his team. His proxy, my digital thermometer, predicts stormy weather all season ... for the rest of the league.
The next pick is...
3 -- Paulie (I <3 WRs)
Good news for Paul, who will have plenty of WRs to choose from this high in the draft. Paul's rep, a pocket protector, asks me if I understand how truly nerdy his team name is. I beat him up and take his lunch money.
Just one pick left, and the runner up goes to...
2 -- Jeff (Blue Collar Killers)
Oooooh, our perennial cellar-dweller just misses out on the Adrian Peterson sweepstakes. His representative, a blue collared dress shirt that just came out of the wash, wrinkles itself in disgust. Or maybe I forgot fabric softener again.
It's irrelevant, because that means the top pick belongs to...
1 -- Neal (Plaxico's Attorney)
If Neal's lame team name is any indication, he'll need all the help he can get. His representative, my battery-operated Eagles hamster, does a dance in celebration of the victory. And soon Adrian Peterson will be doing the same on his team (unless he pulls an Anthony and decides to draft Westbrook first overall for no logical reason whatsoever).
OK, kids -- you've got until next Wednesday evening (Sept. 2) before I switch the league over to be drafted. If you want to re-rank players, or at least exclude all the Cowboys, you've got the weekend plus two more days to get it done.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
While we're waiting
We're still not quite ready to go with the fantasy football league yet -- last year's champion and his wife are waiting until the last second to sign up again -- but I wanted to brief everyone on the new draft order rules for this year.
In the past, I've shunned a straight-up reverse finish order because I believe that simply rewards failure. However, after my modified system awarded Anthony and myself the top pick three of the last four years, I decided that maybe the bottom dwellers need more help.
So we'll do a doubly-modified NBA style draft order, giving everyone a chance at the top pick but a really good chance for the worst players last year. Our top three 2008 finishers -- Champ Mike, Bobert and Heidi -- as well as New Guy Mike will have their names all thrown in the hat. We'll pick out one name, have that person pick 13th and then throw the next name (last year's fourth-place finisher, Anthony) into the mix. We'll pick for the 12th spot and then throw another name in.
The system's main advantage is no one will pick any worse than four spots lower than where they finished last year. And, for those who did well, you have a statistically fair chance of moving up the chart.
Taking all of that into account, here’s everyone's chance at getting that elusive #1 pick:
I'll let everyone know as soon as slowpoke #1 and slowpoke #2 sign up, and give you a few days before we start drafting players. Whoever ends up with Vick automatically gets slotted next to last in the preseason rankings.
Jeff, of course, will be slotted last.
UPDATE: Champ Mike has signed up, so we're almost there. I've updated his team name in the list
In the past, I've shunned a straight-up reverse finish order because I believe that simply rewards failure. However, after my modified system awarded Anthony and myself the top pick three of the last four years, I decided that maybe the bottom dwellers need more help.
So we'll do a doubly-modified NBA style draft order, giving everyone a chance at the top pick but a really good chance for the worst players last year. Our top three 2008 finishers -- Champ Mike, Bobert and Heidi -- as well as New Guy Mike will have their names all thrown in the hat. We'll pick out one name, have that person pick 13th and then throw the next name (last year's fourth-place finisher, Anthony) into the mix. We'll pick for the 12th spot and then throw another name in.
The system's main advantage is no one will pick any worse than four spots lower than where they finished last year. And, for those who did well, you have a statistically fair chance of moving up the chart.
Taking all of that into account, here’s everyone's chance at getting that elusive #1 pick:
| Team | % chance at #1 | Worst case |
| Jeff (Blue Collar Killers) | 25.0 percent | 4th place |
| Neal (Plaxico’s attorney) | 20.0 percent | 5th place |
| Joel (Bullets over Burress) | 16.7 percent | 6th place |
| Paulie (I <3 WRs) | 14.3 percent | 7th place |
| Capt. Awesome (ZombieJacko Comeback) | 12.5 percent | 8th place |
| Jim (Palin’s Death Panels) | 11.1 percent | 9th place |
| Dad (BetterThanYourTeam) | 10.0 percent | 10th place |
| Joanner (Chase Utley’s WFCs) | 9.1 percent | 11th place |
| Anthony (Suck my Vick) | 8.3 percent | 12th place |
| New Mike (Pick Six Dix) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
| Heidi (Name TDB) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
| Bobert (Werewolf Bar Mitzvah) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
| Champion Mike (Bad Newz Iggles) | 7.7 percent | 13th place |
I'll let everyone know as soon as slowpoke #1 and slowpoke #2 sign up, and give you a few days before we start drafting players. Whoever ends up with Vick automatically gets slotted next to last in the preseason rankings.
Jeff, of course, will be slotted last.
UPDATE: Champ Mike has signed up, so we're almost there. I've updated his team name in the list
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
What to look for this Thursday
The first pre-season game always sets the tone for the entire year. Just look at 2008; The Eagles never fully recovered from their August 16-10 loss to the Steelers, and Pittsburgh went on to win the Super Bowl.
With that in mind, here are keys to look for in the game:
1) Who’s playing on defense?
Quick, name three players on the Iggles D right now. Lito? Nope, he’s on the Jets. Stewart Bradley? Out for the season. Trent Cole? Out for this week. Dawkins? Don’t go there. Sean Considine? No, thank gawd. Juqua Thomas? Not his name.
So who exactly is starting? Good question.
2) What position is Leonard Weaver playing?
It should be fascinating to see the longtime Seahawks fullback take the field for the first time in an Eagles uniform. Maybe they’ll split him wide as a fourth receiver. Maybe they’ll bring him inside to play left guard. Maybe they’ll put him in as a defensive tackle.
One thing is for sure – The third-and-one specialist won’t be touching the ball on third and one. That’d just be ridiculous.
3) Where’s the gatorade?
Gametime weather is supposed to be 80 degrees and humid. All I’m saying is that it’ll be hot and muggy, and McNabb might need some.
4) Can Hank Baskett win a job?
DeSean Jackson is the #1 WR. Kevin Curtis is #2, and first-round pick Jeremy Macklin and slot receiver Jason Avant are safe as #3s.
Baskett? Looks like he’s fighting Reggie Brown for the last wide receiver spot. And the Iggles need to see solid production to keep one of them around; They never hold onto underachieving wideouts for no good reason.
Speaking of which…
5) Can Greg Lewis win a job?
Ha! That’s the Patriots problem, not the birds. Good riddance, finally.
6) What mediocre 7th-round pick will become the next Koy Detmer?
You know, that one guy who looks good really late in the game when anyone with skill has stopped playing, but he ends up scoring two TDs and everybody thinks he’s the next Joe Montana or Barry Sanders? That guy.
Nominees include RB Marcus Maileli, WR Brandon Robinson and LB Matt Whilhelm. Trust me, you’ll be begging for more after scrub time Thursday.
7) Can Cliff Lee keep it going?
He’s 2-0 with only two earned runs in his first two Philly appearances. Can he go to 3-0?
Remember, kids, it’s still baseball season.
With that in mind, here are keys to look for in the game:
1) Who’s playing on defense?
Quick, name three players on the Iggles D right now. Lito? Nope, he’s on the Jets. Stewart Bradley? Out for the season. Trent Cole? Out for this week. Dawkins? Don’t go there. Sean Considine? No, thank gawd. Juqua Thomas? Not his name.
So who exactly is starting? Good question.
2) What position is Leonard Weaver playing?
It should be fascinating to see the longtime Seahawks fullback take the field for the first time in an Eagles uniform. Maybe they’ll split him wide as a fourth receiver. Maybe they’ll bring him inside to play left guard. Maybe they’ll put him in as a defensive tackle.
One thing is for sure – The third-and-one specialist won’t be touching the ball on third and one. That’d just be ridiculous.
3) Where’s the gatorade?
Gametime weather is supposed to be 80 degrees and humid. All I’m saying is that it’ll be hot and muggy, and McNabb might need some.
4) Can Hank Baskett win a job?
DeSean Jackson is the #1 WR. Kevin Curtis is #2, and first-round pick Jeremy Macklin and slot receiver Jason Avant are safe as #3s.
Baskett? Looks like he’s fighting Reggie Brown for the last wide receiver spot. And the Iggles need to see solid production to keep one of them around; They never hold onto underachieving wideouts for no good reason.
Speaking of which…
5) Can Greg Lewis win a job?
Ha! That’s the Patriots problem, not the birds. Good riddance, finally.
6) What mediocre 7th-round pick will become the next Koy Detmer?
You know, that one guy who looks good really late in the game when anyone with skill has stopped playing, but he ends up scoring two TDs and everybody thinks he’s the next Joe Montana or Barry Sanders? That guy.
Nominees include RB Marcus Maileli, WR Brandon Robinson and LB Matt Whilhelm. Trust me, you’ll be begging for more after scrub time Thursday.
7) Can Cliff Lee keep it going?
He’s 2-0 with only two earned runs in his first two Philly appearances. Can he go to 3-0?
Remember, kids, it’s still baseball season.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Choosing your team's name
It's fantasy football time again, which means it's time to settle on that perfect team name that'll follow you for the rest of the season.
It's no small task -- I'll remind you that the best team name last year, Mike's "Cougar in Chief," helped inspire his players and guide him to the league championship. Conversely, Jeff's legacy team name, "Blue Collar Killers," hasn't finished in the top five since 2005.
So think carefully before that next Favre or Mike Vick joke. To help inspire you, here are the rejected team names over at Fort Awesome, because they did not meet the required level of awesomeness:
South Kenya WhiteSox
** Obama's hometown team!
God hates KurtWarner
** Otherwise God would have let him win the Super Bowl.
Reigning AFL Champs
** For the second year in a row (and probably forever).
Lions' Perfect Season
** Not one pesky win on that record.
DeSean's Dropsies
** Symptoms get worse near the end zone.
Not in the Head
** Good advice from little Shane Victorino
So go cue up the T.O. jokes and sign up for the league -- the password is already in your email, although we may have room for one more serious, thoughtful player. And I'll reveal the names we chose in our pre-season rankings, after the draft on Aug. 28.
It's no small task -- I'll remind you that the best team name last year, Mike's "Cougar in Chief," helped inspire his players and guide him to the league championship. Conversely, Jeff's legacy team name, "Blue Collar Killers," hasn't finished in the top five since 2005.
So think carefully before that next Favre or Mike Vick joke. To help inspire you, here are the rejected team names over at Fort Awesome, because they did not meet the required level of awesomeness:
South Kenya WhiteSox
** Obama's hometown team!
God hates KurtWarner
** Otherwise God would have let him win the Super Bowl.
Reigning AFL Champs
** For the second year in a row (and probably forever).
Lions' Perfect Season
** Not one pesky win on that record.
DeSean's Dropsies
** Symptoms get worse near the end zone.
Not in the Head
** Good advice from little Shane Victorino
So go cue up the T.O. jokes and sign up for the league -- the password is already in your email, although we may have room for one more serious, thoughtful player. And I'll reveal the names we chose in our pre-season rankings, after the draft on Aug. 28.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Planning for Draftsgiving 2010
Normally right about now I'd be prepping for the 7th best holiday of the year (veterans reporting to Eagles' training camp) but I felt compelled to take a moment to address the changes to the draft announced by the NFL last week. In case you missed it, next spring the NFL will host the first round of the draft on a Thursday night, the second and third rounds on a Friday, and the later rounds on Saturday.
Let me reassure you that these changes won't hurt next year's Draftsgiving celebrations; In fact, I'll submit that it will make it even better, more exciting than 10 Super Bowls. Here's why:
1 -- It extends the celebration.
Sure, we'll still officially kick off the weekend on Saturday morning, cracking open the first beer before noon. But now Friday night is officially a warm-up act for the main event. And Thursday? That's just good practice.
2 -- The first round of the draft kinda sucks.
By round four all the big blowhards are off the air, and it's rapid-fire clips of fun folks you've never heard of. Who would you rather hear stories about, 1st round pick Jeremy Macklin or 5th round picks Macho Harris and Fenuki Tupou? At the very least, the names are much more fun.
3 -- There's less stress this way.
The last three years, the Eagles have managed to baffle and frustrate us with their first round picks. You know what they've done with their sixth rounders? Me either. Couldn't have been too stressful, though.
4 -- It'll let us focus more on the Phillies.
That's important, because by then the back-to-back MLB champions will deserve most of our love and devotion each day.
5 -- It'll help us focus on the true meaning of Draftsgiving.
Always remember the six tenets of the holiday: beer, steak, beer, camaraderie, beer, and Yuengling.
So don't worry about it; Just keep an eye on the counter up there in the right top of the website, and start getting ready for the sixth most important holiday of the year (the fantasy football draft.)
Let me reassure you that these changes won't hurt next year's Draftsgiving celebrations; In fact, I'll submit that it will make it even better, more exciting than 10 Super Bowls. Here's why:
1 -- It extends the celebration.
Sure, we'll still officially kick off the weekend on Saturday morning, cracking open the first beer before noon. But now Friday night is officially a warm-up act for the main event. And Thursday? That's just good practice.
2 -- The first round of the draft kinda sucks.
By round four all the big blowhards are off the air, and it's rapid-fire clips of fun folks you've never heard of. Who would you rather hear stories about, 1st round pick Jeremy Macklin or 5th round picks Macho Harris and Fenuki Tupou? At the very least, the names are much more fun.
3 -- There's less stress this way.
The last three years, the Eagles have managed to baffle and frustrate us with their first round picks. You know what they've done with their sixth rounders? Me either. Couldn't have been too stressful, though.
4 -- It'll let us focus more on the Phillies.
That's important, because by then the back-to-back MLB champions will deserve most of our love and devotion each day.
5 -- It'll help us focus on the true meaning of Draftsgiving.
Always remember the six tenets of the holiday: beer, steak, beer, camaraderie, beer, and Yuengling.
So don't worry about it; Just keep an eye on the counter up there in the right top of the website, and start getting ready for the sixth most important holiday of the year (the fantasy football draft.)
Monday, July 20, 2009
Eagles pre-season quiz
It's important to know the squad before we get into training camp. So here's your test to see how ready you are for the season -- can you distinguish the new Eagles players from the old Eagles cheerleaders?
D. Amendola -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
A. Bedford -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
P. Williams -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
E. Bright -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
T. Monroe -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
E. Buckley -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
M. Thigpen -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
A. Stephan -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
K. Parrish -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
K. Campbell -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
Just so you don't think I'm a stalker, I found all of the cheerleaders full names posted here. But I'm not ruling out stalking any fullbacks who can pick up a third and one.
D. Amendola -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
A. Bedford -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
P. Williams -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
E. Bright -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
T. Monroe -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
E. Buckley -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
M. Thigpen -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
A. Stephan -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
K. Parrish -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
K. Campbell -- Iggle or Cheergle?
** Answer **
Just so you don't think I'm a stalker, I found all of the cheerleaders full names posted here. But I'm not ruling out stalking any fullbacks who can pick up a third and one.
Monday, July 13, 2009
8 ways they'll ruin the HR Derby
MLB has already ruined the World Series (by giving home field to the All-Star game winner), the All-Star game (by introducing interleague play), and democracy (by introducing the Natinals to DC). So it's only a matter of time before they ruin the Home Run Derby too.
Here's how they'll do it:
1 -- They'll make it count.
Some front office idiot will decide they need to spice up the competition by using it to set the World Series DH rules or next year's salary cap or something ridiculous.
2 -- They'll add judges.
Why simply count dingers when you could judge their style and flair too? Bonus point for silly costumes, because that's what the fans really love. Just look at the slam dunk contest.
3 -- They'll let fans vote.
Why should MLB pick the top sluggers to participate? The fans know who'd really be exciting in the game: Melky Cabrera! And Tim Wakefield!
4 -- They'll add metal bats.
Better bats mean longer homers. Longer homers mean more awesomeness. Next up: rubber balls and jet packs.
5 -- They'll add a bunt contest.
Small-ball can be exciting too! Watch Ichiro try to leg out an infield single (best three out of five attempts) and listen to the announcers extol the virtues of baseball fundamentals.
6 -- They'll add Nickleback.
What the Derby has always lacked is a rocking soundtrack. Nothing would improve it more than hearing the chorus of "Centerfield" covered by Chad Kroeger after every launch.
7 -- They'll add an old timers game.
That way, we can all see whether Reggie Jackson and Yogi Berra still have what it takes to be a star. The fences will be moved in 200 feet, of course. And Barry Bonds will be invited.
8 -- They'll move it to new Cowboys Stadium.
Jerry Jones' dream is finally fulfilled: 100-yard homers and a per-football-season chance to show off his new shrine. MLB will call it "cross promotion."
Honestly, I'm not sure any of those are worse ideas than letting Chris Berman shriek through the event each year...
Here's how they'll do it:
1 -- They'll make it count.
Some front office idiot will decide they need to spice up the competition by using it to set the World Series DH rules or next year's salary cap or something ridiculous.
2 -- They'll add judges.
Why simply count dingers when you could judge their style and flair too? Bonus point for silly costumes, because that's what the fans really love. Just look at the slam dunk contest.
3 -- They'll let fans vote.
Why should MLB pick the top sluggers to participate? The fans know who'd really be exciting in the game: Melky Cabrera! And Tim Wakefield!
4 -- They'll add metal bats.
Better bats mean longer homers. Longer homers mean more awesomeness. Next up: rubber balls and jet packs.
5 -- They'll add a bunt contest.
Small-ball can be exciting too! Watch Ichiro try to leg out an infield single (best three out of five attempts) and listen to the announcers extol the virtues of baseball fundamentals.
6 -- They'll add Nickleback.
What the Derby has always lacked is a rocking soundtrack. Nothing would improve it more than hearing the chorus of "Centerfield" covered by Chad Kroeger after every launch.
7 -- They'll add an old timers game.
That way, we can all see whether Reggie Jackson and Yogi Berra still have what it takes to be a star. The fences will be moved in 200 feet, of course. And Barry Bonds will be invited.
8 -- They'll move it to new Cowboys Stadium.
Jerry Jones' dream is finally fulfilled: 100-yard homers and a per-football-season chance to show off his new shrine. MLB will call it "cross promotion."
Honestly, I'm not sure any of those are worse ideas than letting Chris Berman shriek through the event each year...
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Eagles season preview (according to Madden)
The folks behind Madden 2010 (now with 20 percent more Rothlesberginess) came out with their team and player ratings this week. The Eagles are listed overall at 88, one point lower than the Giants but still in the upper tiers of the game. Here's a closer look at how the video game gods view the team stacking up this year:
Best Player (95 rating):
CB Asante Samuel, and LT Jason Peters
Both men just barely beat out RB Brian Westbrook (94). It's worth noting that the game developers think the two best guys on the Iggles are someone who hasn't played a down for them yet and a guy who all of us thought was horribly overrated all last season.
Worst Player (51 rating):
QB A.J. Feeley
Awww, poor little Feeley. Keep trying there, buddy
Fastest Player (96 rating):
WR Jeremy Macklin
If the newly-drafted wideout is actually faster than Westbrook, WR DeSean Jackson and WR Kevin Curtis, the team's receiving corps is in better shape than any time since Freddie Barnett left.
Slowest Player (36 rating):
LG Max Jean-Gilles
At 355 pounds (the heaviest on the team) this comes as a complete shock to me.
Toughest Player (96 rating):
QB Donovan McNabb
If toughness means ability to come back for more punishment every year, this rating is dead-on. If it means one's ability to play football without puking...
Whimpiest Player (42 rating):
CB Jack Ikegwuono
He spent all of last year injured, but apparently instead of rehabbing he just ate ice cream and watched Lifetime movies.
Best Tackler (86 rating):
LB Stewart Bradley
Honestly, 86 is pretty low for a team's top tackler. And that means it's probably pretty accurate.
Worst Tackler (12 rating):
C Jamal Jackson
He comes in behind K David Akers (13), who can barely walk now, and WR Jeremy Macklin (20), who has never played a down in the NFL. That ain't good.
Strongest Player (99 rating):
RG Shawn Andrews
Coming in at #2? RT Stacey Andrews, his brother, at 97. How many arm wrestling matches do you think it'll take to settle this?
Weakest Player (44 rating):
WR DeSean Jackson
He's so weak he can't even carry a football across the goal line.
Easiest Call (Awareness, 97 rating):
RB Brian Westbrook
Telling me that Westbrook is the smartest player on the team is like telling me that Terrell Owens is an idiot. It's obvious, but it's still fun to see proof of it.
Most Shocking Call (Spin Move, 84 rating):
CB Macho Harris
Wait, we signed a corner named Macho Harris and I have yet to make fun of him? And his best skill is spinning?
Only 19 days until training camp, kids.
Best Player (95 rating):
CB Asante Samuel, and LT Jason Peters
Both men just barely beat out RB Brian Westbrook (94). It's worth noting that the game developers think the two best guys on the Iggles are someone who hasn't played a down for them yet and a guy who all of us thought was horribly overrated all last season.
Worst Player (51 rating):
QB A.J. Feeley
Awww, poor little Feeley. Keep trying there, buddy
Fastest Player (96 rating):
WR Jeremy Macklin
If the newly-drafted wideout is actually faster than Westbrook, WR DeSean Jackson and WR Kevin Curtis, the team's receiving corps is in better shape than any time since Freddie Barnett left.
Slowest Player (36 rating):
LG Max Jean-Gilles
At 355 pounds (the heaviest on the team) this comes as a complete shock to me.
Toughest Player (96 rating):
QB Donovan McNabb
If toughness means ability to come back for more punishment every year, this rating is dead-on. If it means one's ability to play football without puking...
Whimpiest Player (42 rating):
CB Jack Ikegwuono
He spent all of last year injured, but apparently instead of rehabbing he just ate ice cream and watched Lifetime movies.
Best Tackler (86 rating):
LB Stewart Bradley
Honestly, 86 is pretty low for a team's top tackler. And that means it's probably pretty accurate.
Worst Tackler (12 rating):
C Jamal Jackson
He comes in behind K David Akers (13), who can barely walk now, and WR Jeremy Macklin (20), who has never played a down in the NFL. That ain't good.
Strongest Player (99 rating):
RG Shawn Andrews
Coming in at #2? RT Stacey Andrews, his brother, at 97. How many arm wrestling matches do you think it'll take to settle this?
Weakest Player (44 rating):
WR DeSean Jackson
He's so weak he can't even carry a football across the goal line.
Easiest Call (Awareness, 97 rating):
RB Brian Westbrook
Telling me that Westbrook is the smartest player on the team is like telling me that Terrell Owens is an idiot. It's obvious, but it's still fun to see proof of it.
Most Shocking Call (Spin Move, 84 rating):
CB Macho Harris
Wait, we signed a corner named Macho Harris and I have yet to make fun of him? And his best skill is spinning?
Only 19 days until training camp, kids.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Mets are in third place!
Wait, there's something familiar about this...
Oh, that's right. Looks like everything is going according to plan.
Monday, June 22, 2009
My annual pilgrimage
Saturday was a chance to hang out at Citizen's Bank Park and see my annual Phillies' loss with Dad. And I remembered to bring my camera and its fancy zoom.
The full set is over here.
The full set is over here.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Leveraging new media
There's a new "decision making site" (no, not Bing -- every third answer there is a Microsoft web page) called Hunch that I stumbled across yesterday. So, to see how well it works, I thought I'd test it out in my quest to unshackle myself from the stinking Eagles and find a new (possibly Dawkins-laden?) team to root for.
Here's how it went.
Well, I'm looking for a new team based on a random web site's suggestion. I'm guessing it won't be a long-term commitment.
I'm very concerned about the environment.
The Phillies' starting pitchers and late-inning hitters have convinced me that defense is boring.
I said I was looking for a new team to root for, not looking for a way to become a Yankees fan.
I've got the Flyers, Sixers, Phillies and Soul (and soon to be the Philadelphia Union!) -- I think they're all human mascots. Better go with animals, just to be sure.
No way I'm watching most of my football on CBS. NFC it is.
Drumroll please ... and the results are ...
What? The Cardinals! I want a team that's going to be good in the short-term next year, not last year. What are my other options?
Eh, that's really more of a basketball area, isn't it? What's my guarantee that this team doesn't go all three-point field goals all the time on me? Next.
That's it, forget it. I'm done.
Here's how it went.
Well, I'm looking for a new team based on a random web site's suggestion. I'm guessing it won't be a long-term commitment.
I'm very concerned about the environment.
The Phillies' starting pitchers and late-inning hitters have convinced me that defense is boring.
I said I was looking for a new team to root for, not looking for a way to become a Yankees fan.
I've got the Flyers, Sixers, Phillies and Soul (and soon to be the Philadelphia Union!) -- I think they're all human mascots. Better go with animals, just to be sure.
No way I'm watching most of my football on CBS. NFC it is.Drumroll please ... and the results are ...
What? The Cardinals! I want a team that's going to be good in the short-term next year, not last year. What are my other options?
Eh, that's really more of a basketball area, isn't it? What's my guarantee that this team doesn't go all three-point field goals all the time on me? Next.
That's it, forget it. I'm done.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
My unbiased All-Star ballot
I think this is both fair and impartial.
In fact, I think it's so impartial that I've submitted it 60 times online so far.
In fact, I think it's so impartial that I've submitted it 60 times online so far.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Pursuit of history
The Washington Natinals are 13-36 through their first 49 games this year, putting them on pace for one of the worst seasons in major league baseball history. Here’s a quick look at some of the teams they’re chasing.
Team: 1899 Cleveland Spiders
Final record: 20-134 (.130)
Games out of first: 84
Through 49: 9-40
DC connection: Despite terrible play against nearly every opponent all year long, the Spiders did go an almost-respectable 4-10 against the Washington Senators.
Team: 1916 Philadelphia Athletics
Final record: 36-117 (.235)
Games out of first: 54.5
Through 49: 15-34
DC connection: The A’s highest scoring game of the year was a 10-9 win over the Washington Senators on Sept. 30, the final weekend of the season.
Team: 1962 New York Mets
Final record: 40-120-1 (.250)
Games out of first: 29
Through 49: 13-36
DC connection: Following the worst team year in modern baseball history, Mets backup 3B Don Zimmer (yep, that Don Zimmer) left the team and played for the Senators in 1963.
Team: 1904 Washington Senators
Final record: 38-113 (.252)
Games out of first: 55.5
Through 49: 9-37
DC connection: They were the Washington Senators. They played in Washington, D.C.
Team: 2003 Detroit Tigers
Final record: 43-119 (.265)
Games out of first: 47
Through 49: 13-36
DC connection: 1B Dimitri Young, an all-star for the Natinals in 2007, was the full time DH for the Tigers in 2003.
Team: 1953 Pittsburgh Pirates
Final record: 42-112-1 (.273)
Games out of first: 54.5
Through 49: 12-37
DC connection: P Don Carlsen (DC to his friends) finished with an 0-1 record and a 10.80 ERA on the year, in five appearances.
Team: 1942 Phillies
Final record: 42-109 (.278)
Games out of first: 62.5
Through 49: 16-33
DC connection: The Phillies at least had a better win percentage than the 2-9 Philadelphia Eagles that year, who lost twice to the Washington Racial Slurs that year.
Team: 1932 Red Sox
Final record: 43-111 (.279)
Games out of first: 64
Through 49: 9-40
DC connection: None. I just like making fun of the Red Sox.
Team: 1899 Cleveland Spiders
Final record: 20-134 (.130)
Games out of first: 84
Through 49: 9-40
DC connection: Despite terrible play against nearly every opponent all year long, the Spiders did go an almost-respectable 4-10 against the Washington Senators.
Team: 1916 Philadelphia Athletics
Final record: 36-117 (.235)
Games out of first: 54.5
Through 49: 15-34
DC connection: The A’s highest scoring game of the year was a 10-9 win over the Washington Senators on Sept. 30, the final weekend of the season.
Team: 1962 New York Mets
Final record: 40-120-1 (.250)
Games out of first: 29
Through 49: 13-36
DC connection: Following the worst team year in modern baseball history, Mets backup 3B Don Zimmer (yep, that Don Zimmer) left the team and played for the Senators in 1963.
Team: 1904 Washington Senators
Final record: 38-113 (.252)
Games out of first: 55.5
Through 49: 9-37
DC connection: They were the Washington Senators. They played in Washington, D.C.
Team: 2003 Detroit Tigers
Final record: 43-119 (.265)
Games out of first: 47
Through 49: 13-36
DC connection: 1B Dimitri Young, an all-star for the Natinals in 2007, was the full time DH for the Tigers in 2003.
Team: 1953 Pittsburgh Pirates
Final record: 42-112-1 (.273)
Games out of first: 54.5
Through 49: 12-37
DC connection: P Don Carlsen (DC to his friends) finished with an 0-1 record and a 10.80 ERA on the year, in five appearances.
Team: 1942 Phillies
Final record: 42-109 (.278)
Games out of first: 62.5
Through 49: 16-33
DC connection: The Phillies at least had a better win percentage than the 2-9 Philadelphia Eagles that year, who lost twice to the Washington Racial Slurs that year.
Team: 1932 Red Sox
Final record: 43-111 (.279)
Games out of first: 64
Through 49: 9-40
DC connection: None. I just like making fun of the Red Sox.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Actual Phils items for sale on Ebay
A case of 75 Reading Phillies souvenir programs
Cost: $49
Description: I'm all about sports memorabilia, and a minor league program with Ryan Howard on the front is an awesome keepsake. Two or three is even better. 75 is not.
Official Phillies billards table cover
Cost: $499
Description: For about $480 less, you can buy a red tablecloth and slap a Phils logo on there. I'm just saying.
16 tix to the June 13 game against Boston
Cost: $5,000
Description: To be fair, these sound like great seats. But it's still nearly $315 a person just for the chance to hang out with Boston fans for three hours. The beer costs alone to make that tolerable will run you another $90 easy.
A game-worn Ken Dowell jersey
Cost: $75
Description: Dowell appeared in 15 games for the Phillies in 1987, collecting five hits and one RBI. He had no other major league experience. Unless you're his mom, you shouldn't be bidding on this.
A set of Phillies children's bedroom furniture
Cost: $475
Description: Includes a toy chest, a rocking chair, director's chair, a step up, a table lamp, and a clothes tree. Too bad your kid will have to sleep on the non-Phillies rug because you can’t afford a bed.
A $1,250 Phillies watch
Cost: $1,250
Description: This watch, with Phillies logo displayed prominently on the front, costs 100 times more than what you should be paying for a gimmick watch.
A case of reusable Phils shopping bags from 1972
Cost: $90
Description: Again, one bag is an awesome souvenir. A case of them either makes you a packrat or someone who buys way too many groceries.
An Adam Eaton autographed baseball
Cost: $25
Description: Also available on Ebay -- P Adam Eaton, recently cut by the Orioles, available for just $20. Cash only, no refunds.
Monday, May 18, 2009
24, Day 7.1
We're through another day of Jack Bauer, and you know what that means: Time for tomorrow's front page.
Make sure to click on the picture to open up the whole front page. After it opens a new window, hold your mouse over the pic for a second and click on the little box on the bottom right.
Make sure to click on the picture to open up the whole front page. After it opens a new window, hold your mouse over the pic for a second and click on the little box on the bottom right.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Chapters from my upcoming book "Chicken soup for the Philadelphia Sports Fan's Soul"
Chapter 2
Unleashing your inner Flying Hawaiian
Chapter 4
Eagles greats divisible by 20
(Dawkins, #20; Brookshier, #40; Bednarik, #60)
Chapter 6
Acceptable times to use the Rocky theme outside of Philly
and other comical myths
Chapter 7
Cowboys anagrams: A scam? Wrong, ya S-O-B!
Chapter 9
Literary parallels:
Shakespeare's Richard III and the 2001 76ers
Chapter 12
Flyers fans: Fartsmells or Brindamorons?
Chapter 15
How to mispronounce athletes names
(including Brian Westerbrook!)
Chapter 16
Why I hate NFC championship games
Chapter 18
The Phillies still love you
Order your copy today!
Unleashing your inner Flying Hawaiian
Chapter 4
Eagles greats divisible by 20
(Dawkins, #20; Brookshier, #40; Bednarik, #60)
Chapter 6
Acceptable times to use the Rocky theme outside of Philly
and other comical myths
Chapter 7
Cowboys anagrams: A scam? Wrong, ya S-O-B!
Chapter 9
Literary parallels:
Shakespeare's Richard III and the 2001 76ers
Chapter 12
Flyers fans: Fartsmells or Brindamorons?
Chapter 15
How to mispronounce athletes names
(including Brian Westerbrook!)
Chapter 16
Why I hate NFC championship games
Chapter 18
The Phillies still love you
Order your copy today!
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Fun with Phils stats
What have we learned so far?
We've learned the Phils have outscored their opponents in every inning this year. And you can miss the start of Phils' games, but not the last two innings.
We've learned the Phils have outscored their opponents in every inning this year. And you can miss the start of Phils' games, but not the last two innings.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
What happened today in the draft
For those of you who had trouble following all the trades today, here's a simple breakdown of just one of the Eagles' moves:
-- The Eagles start the day with a 3rd round pick (#91) and a 5th rounder (#141), among other picks.
-- They traded the 3rd to the Giants for a new 2009 3rd and a new 2009 5th.
-- They traded the Giants' 3rd to the Seahawks for a 2010 3rd, another 2009 5th and a new 2009 7th.
-- They traded the Seahawks 5th and that #141 pick to the Patriots for CB Ellis Hobbs.
-- They traded the Giants' 5th to the Saints for a 2010 5th and a new 2009 7th.
-- They traded that 2009 7th to the Colts for a 2010 6th.
-- They used the Seahawks' 7th to draft OG Paul Fanaika.
Or, to make it even clearer for you:
Don't know why folks had trouble understanding that.
Later on I'll cover the drafting of LB Jason Phillips, who was selected by the Ravens with the pick they got from the Patriots who got it from the Eagles who got it from the Seahawks who got it from the Lions. I predict he'll be traded to the Packers by June, and to the Lakers a week later.
-- The Eagles start the day with a 3rd round pick (#91) and a 5th rounder (#141), among other picks.
-- They traded the 3rd to the Giants for a new 2009 3rd and a new 2009 5th.
-- They traded the Giants' 3rd to the Seahawks for a 2010 3rd, another 2009 5th and a new 2009 7th.
-- They traded the Seahawks 5th and that #141 pick to the Patriots for CB Ellis Hobbs.
-- They traded the Giants' 5th to the Saints for a 2010 5th and a new 2009 7th.
-- They traded that 2009 7th to the Colts for a 2010 6th.
-- They used the Seahawks' 7th to draft OG Paul Fanaika.
Or, to make it even clearer for you:
Don't know why folks had trouble understanding that.
Later on I'll cover the drafting of LB Jason Phillips, who was selected by the Ravens with the pick they got from the Patriots who got it from the Eagles who got it from the Seahawks who got it from the Lions. I predict he'll be traded to the Packers by June, and to the Lakers a week later.
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