8 ways they'll ruin the HR Derby

MLB has already ruined the World Series (by giving home field to the All-Star game winner), the All-Star game (by introducing interleague play), and democracy (by introducing the Natinals to DC). So it's only a matter of time before they ruin the Home Run Derby too.

Here's how they'll do it:

1 -- They'll make it count.
Some front office idiot will decide they need to spice up the competition by using it to set the World Series DH rules or next year's salary cap or something ridiculous.

2 -- They'll add judges.
Why simply count dingers when you could judge their style and flair too? Bonus point for silly costumes, because that's what the fans really love. Just look at the slam dunk contest.

3 -- They'll let fans vote.
Why should MLB pick the top sluggers to participate? The fans know who'd really be exciting in the game: Melky Cabrera! And Tim Wakefield!

4 -- They'll add metal bats.
Better bats mean longer homers. Longer homers mean more awesomeness. Next up: rubber balls and jet packs.

5 -- They'll add a bunt contest.
Small-ball can be exciting too! Watch Ichiro try to leg out an infield single (best three out of five attempts) and listen to the announcers extol the virtues of baseball fundamentals.

6 -- They'll add Nickleback.
What the Derby has always lacked is a rocking soundtrack. Nothing would improve it more than hearing the chorus of "Centerfield" covered by Chad Kroeger after every launch.

7 -- They'll add an old timers game.
That way, we can all see whether Reggie Jackson and Yogi Berra still have what it takes to be a star. The fences will be moved in 200 feet, of course. And Barry Bonds will be invited.

8 -- They'll move it to new Cowboys Stadium.
Jerry Jones' dream is finally fulfilled: 100-yard homers and a per-football-season chance to show off his new shrine. MLB will call it "cross promotion."

Honestly, I'm not sure any of those are worse ideas than letting Chris Berman shriek through the event each year...