Fantasy football 2025 -- Family Cup final standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

Family Cup -- regular season points standings
House Shane: 4,997.24 pts
House Doyle: 4,876.34 pts
House Garrity: 4,477.92 pts
House Quinn: 4,239.26 pts

Family Cup — playoff bracket results
1 — Chief Little Owl: Jim
2 — Shamrock Meats Inc.: Mike
3 — I love axolotls!: Lexi
4 — Nacho Team: Shelly
5 — @liver: Ollie
6 — Big Brain Jonathan: Jonathan

Jim’s romp through the season culminated this week with a victory lap over Mike’s team, which posted its second-worst score of the season when the points mattered the most. Conversely, Jim’s squad — led by QB Matt Stafford and WR Puka Nacua — was only the fifth-highest scoring squad of the regular season but turned on the magic when it counted, averaging 145-plus fantasy points in the three-week postseason.

Family Cup — loser bracket results
7 — Crazy Grandmom Malice: Grandmom Shane
8 — Emma’s Unicorn Blobfish Empire: Emma
9 — 2025 Yards in 2025: Pop Shane
10 — Jimmy’s Chicken Shaq: Jimmy
11 — Warminster Nightmare: Shane
12 — Team Team: Tommy

Emma’s run at partial glory came to a halt in the seventh place game, where she lost a close contest to her grandmother. Still, winning three of the last four games of the year was an impressive turnaround for a team that was 1-11-1 after 13 weeks. Grandmom claims the title of queen of the also-rans, and the pride of knowing that she elevated Team Quinn to the best of her ability.

Season analysis

Of course, this league was never about individual glory. This was about establishing the supremacy of one family over the rest. With that in mind, we need to look at how to fairly evaluate the full resume of each lineage.

The regular season seems clear enough: Each win is worth 100 points. Ties are worth 50. And all regular season points are totaled for each team.

The playoffs are another matter. Winning the title has to mean something, so that will be worth nearly a season’s worth of games: 1200 points. Second gets 800, third 600. Fourth gets 400, fifth 300, sixth 200. The consolation bracket is for pride and practice, but earns no points.

Team pride has to count for something. Therefore, the top team name earns 75 points, second place 50, and third 25. And it’s pretty clear that Emma’s Unicorn Blobfish Empire runs away with the top award here. The moniker speaks to the team ownership, its philosophy, its mascot and its focus. Warminster Nightmare follows a similar thread, and earns the second place spot. Mike’s tribute to Rocky — Shamrock Meats Inc. — deserves third.

And finally, it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. That’s why we’re awarding 10 points to Grandmom Shane for being confident enough to go 5-0 against her grandchildren this season, not caring at all how those defeats may upset or discourage them. Some grandparents may have spoiled their grandchildren by allowing a win or two to slip away, but not her.

With that in mind, here are the final family standings:

Family Cup — final season standings

4th place: House Quinn, 5899.26 total points
(Grandmom Shane, Tommy, Shane)

3rd place: House Shane, 6772.24 total points
(Jonathan, Emma, Pop Shane)

2nd place: House Garrity, 8377.92 total points
(Jim, Shelly, Jimmy)

1st place: House Doyle, 9601.34 total points
(Mike, Lexi, Ollie)

Jim’s heroic championship run wasn’t enough to wrest the title away from Team Doyle, who placed all three of their squads in the top five of the standings. It was an impressive display of coaching strategy and ruthlessness. And in the end, they are the first group to be honored with their name etched into the Family Cup:

Thanks again to all league members for playing this year. We’ll roll it back next season, when Team Shane will be looking to avenge the injustice of having the most regular season points and the fewest wins.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 17 recap

It’s time to once again test the depth of your NFL knowledge and fandom. 

Anyone can name the big stars in their favorite sport. But can you say which of these players made the 2026 football Pro Bowl team, and which of these names are professional bowlers on the national professional bowling tour?

Quinn Meinerz    Pro Bowler     Professional bowler

EJ Tackett            Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Chris Via              Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Chimere Dike       Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Jakob Butturff     Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Creed Humphrey Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Graham Fach       Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Ross Matiscik       Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

As always, the quiz doesn’t actually work. So below are the answers:

.

.

.

.

.

Ross Matiscik is the long snapper for the Jags, Chimere Dike is a kick return specialist for the Titans. Quinn Meinerz is an offensive lineman for the Broncos, and Creed Humphrey is the center for the Chiefs.

All the other names are top 10 money earners on the PBA tour —yes, even Jakob Butturff. You know that’s a real name, because if I was going to make him up, his name would be “Buttruff” and I would have made a joke about him getting knocked down over and over.

QB: Brock Purdy, 42.92 pts — started by Jo
WR: Ja’Marr Chase, 19.50 pts — started by Joel
RB: Derrick Henry, 45.60 pts — started by Pop
TE: Trey McBride, 16.07 pts — started by Jeff
K: Joey Slye, 18.50 pts — on the wire
DEF: Vikings, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Chase Young, 14.50 pts — on the wire

Big week for running backs — Bijan Robinson had 36.27 pts on Monday night and doesn’t get mentioned here, because Henry rushed for 216 yards and FOUR TDs on Saturday night. Sadly for Henry, that leaves him just outside the top 10 in RB fantasy performances all-time, because he did not catch any passes. The best? Broncos RB Clinton Portis back in 2003, who had 55.2 pts on 218 yards rushing, 36 yds receiving and five TDs in a 45-27 win over the Chiefs. Saturday’s Denver win over the Chiefs this weekend was … less exciting.

Second week in a row that Brock Purdy claims the top QB spot. In the last four weeks, Purdy has thrown 11 TD passes and scored 116.02 pts. That’s the second best in the league, just behind Trevor Lawrence. Of course, Lawrence did play four games over those four weeks. Purdy only played three — his bye was week 14.

Sad week for wideouts — no one over 20 pts? Not even Jahan Dotson?

“Poor QBs” edition

3rd place: Max Brosmer, 3.64 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Clayton Tune, -1.68 pts — on the wire
1st place: Riley Leonard, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Leonard threw one pass in Sunday’s Colts’ loss to the Jaguars: A last-second hail mary that got picked off in the end zone. But it was an impressive enough throw that the Colts are now planning to start him in the meaningless finale next week. Poor Phillip Rivers, I really thought that guy needed at least one more game to prove what he can do in this league.

Clayton Tune might be starting next week too: He had a pick immediately after entering the game in relief of Packers backup QB Malik Willis, who was in the game because Packers starter QB Jordan Love was out with a concussion. With nothing to play for, Green Bay may decide to give Tune a chance to throw even more interceptions.

Brosmer was actually the 32nd best scoring QB on the week, completing a pathetic nine passes for 51 yards and no TDs for the Vikings on Sunday. He also got sacked seven times for 48 yards, meaning the Vikings had a net passing total of 3 yards for their game. Oh, and they won. I guess turning over Lions QB Jared Goff five times in a game will help with that.


** Headline in the Athletic: Raiders’ Brock Bowers placed on IR ahead of pivotal game against the Giants.

That pivotal game? The loser of the contest would have the inside track for the #1 overall pick in the draft next spring. I’m not sure pivotal is the word you were looking for. Pathetic? Pitiful? It was probably supposed to be pitiful. Easy copy editing error.

** Following the Eagles win — win? Are we still calling that performance a win? — on Sunday, Fox NFL studio analyst Michael Strahan was asked for his reaction to the final failed two-point attempt in the game.

“Well, if you’re Buffalo, you’ve got to be frustrated by that,” he said. “This is a talented team.”

Thank gawd for that insight. I watched the Bills slog through three hours of football, tie the game in the final seconds and then botch a chance to win, and my takeaway was “I wonder if the team is happy with that outcome.” Strahan’s inside knowledge of the game helped me learn that, in fact, they were not.

I just wish he could have covered more games. Was Bears WR Luther Burden happy when he went down with an injury? Did the Steelers sideline appreciate the missed pass interference call at the end of the game? I need someone to tell me, because it’s just too hard to figure out on my own.

** Former New Jersey QB Eli Manning was again named as a Hall of Fame finalist this week. Just as a reminder, this is a career .500 QB who never led the league in any category during his playing time except for interceptions, which he did three separate times over 16 years. 

But, hey, he threw a ball that another guy had to catch with his helmet, so he probably deserves to be in there.

The Eagles offense has been in tatters for weeks, but everyone is looking at the problem from the wrong angle. The problem isn’t the offensive line, or the play calling, or Jalen Hurt’s inexplicable decision to take entire quarters off.

Consider this — the offense has really been struggling since the bye week in early November. Since then, the team has only scored more than 20 points in a game three times. And yet, they have gone 5-3 in those games, because the defense has been incredible.

In fact, incredible may not be the right word. The defense has not allowed more than 24 points in any game since the bye. They’ve held opponents to fewer than 16 points four times in eight games. They shut down the offenses of the Bills and Lions, two of the best offensive teams in the league. They are destroying other teams’ gameplans and smothering any rhythm the opponents are trying to establish.

It has been incredible to watch their work. Scary, even. A few of those hits on Sunday looked like they were trying to kill Bills’ players.

And when they aren’t on the field, where do those defensive players go? They stand on the sideline, waiting, right next to the Eagles offense.

I think Hurts and company are afraid of the defense.

Think about it — while offensive players are rotating in and out, the defensive line is all standing together on the sideline, drooling at the chance to destroy a running back or wideout. They’re pacing like caged animals. They’re twitching. And the Eagles offensive is walking back and forth by them, quivering in their presence.

Could they avoid the defensive monsters by staying on the field longer? Maybe, but the whole defense is over there at the same time. If the defense is on the field, the bulk of that unit is away from the sideline, out of arm’s reach of a weak, little offensive player.

Do you honestly think that Jordan Davis doesn’t think about devouring Jahan Dotson every time he walks by on the sidelines? Davis hasn’t eaten in months. That guy would love a third-string snack. It’s one thing if he’s all alone by the bench, looking at a wideout to chew on. But if the whole defensive line is there? And they’re all hungry?

So the answer to fixing the offense, obviously, doesn’t have anything to do with the offense. It’s getting Vic Fangio to calm down the defense enough that Saquon stops looking over his shoulder while he’s supposed to be resting.

It’s either that or calling real offensive plays. But I think the defensive fix is more realistic than expecting Kevin Patullo to learn football in the next two weeks.

Week 17 is always the time when I go through my pile of unused anagrams to see whether I left any points on the field this season. Much like the Cowboys’ season itself, it’s a mixed bag. Consider:

Dallas CB Trikweze Bridges
** Ribs bled. Legs a wreck. A ditz.

This was a solid B-minus anagram. Nothing wrong with it, but it felt like I could do something more with it. “Trikweze” has a lot of potential but the double Bs in the phrase just caused issues. And no H? That takes “wheezy” off the board. Disappointing.

Dallas Right Guard Tyler Booker
** Thug err darkly: A big loser, a dolt

Cowboys Right Guard Tyler Booker
** A rowdy butcher, big loser. Go try, OK?

I think I just got caught between these two options for the same guy. Again, passing grades for both, but neither really speaks to the evil within the Dallas squad.

Cowboys new running back Malik Davis
** Vibe: Bad as a wormy clown kicking nuns

This is perfect! It has everything: a sense of evil, abuse of religious personnel, a word that uses two Ks. 

But it’s also a repeat: Davis was on the team in 2022-23, then left football for a year, then came back this year. Is he technically “new” again? Maybe. But I already had five anagrams for this guy. So I couldn’t use it. Forget that you ever saw it.  

We don’t do mediocre repeats around here. If we did, we’d be no better than the 7-8-1 Cowboys.

** Dad and I split our picks this week, going 3-3 in our head-to-head matchup. That leaves him down a touchdown and two-point conversion with one week left. Or, put another way, if I can go 9-7 in my picks next week, he can’t win. That’s a lot of pressure on me.

** Eagles backup Tanner McKee had as many completed passes in the second half of the Bills game as Jalen Hurts did. Just saying.

** ESPN named Eagles backup Center Drew Kendall as their second-team pick for the top rookie players of the year. First place was Jacksonville backup center Jonah Monheim, who has played 187 snaps this season. Kendall has played 25. They both beat out Seahawks rookie Bryce Cabeldue, who has played six snaps. And … that’s the whole rookie class at center.

I dunno, guys. Maybe we didn’t need a breakdown on this position this year.


Week 17 standings

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 2,131.01 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 2,074.84 pts
3 — City Hands (Mike), 2,051.01 pts
4 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,993.78 pts
5 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,963.88 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,818.68 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,799.39 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,686.86 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,643.58 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,618.94 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,556.23 pts
12 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,482.22 pts

We’re down to the last week, and Pop is already eyeing his third championship title. He enters the final slate of games with a 57-point lead over second place (Jonathan) and a six-week stretch of scoring at least 115 fantasy points. If that holds, Jonathan will need at least 173 pts from his squad next weekend to challenge for his third consecutive trophy.

Mike will need even more — his team took a big step back this week, scoring under 90 pts after hitting the 115-pts mark the previous six weeks in a row. If I can pull off a 200-plus-pts week, I still might have a shot. After that, we’d need some significant stat corrections for any hope at a league victory.

But pride is still at stake too. Can Bob overtake me for fourth place? Will Jo or Ant end up in the top half of the standings? Can Jeff and Joel continue their late-season push? Will Paul ever start a QB again? All valid questions, and all will be answered this week.

The NFL has zero games on Thursday, zero on Friday, two on Saturday and allllll the rest on Sunday. It’s backups galore for the last days of regular season action, so check those rosters and finish strong.

Family Cup -- final standings
The final results of the first annual Family Cup will be announced on Wednesday.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 16 recap

Forgot to grab all your presents for tomorrow? Don't worry, the Eagles Pro Shop has you covered: 

 

“Been there, won that” shirt — $45
** You’d think with 21 years to plan, the team would come up with a better slogan for winning back-to-back NFC East titles. But next year you won’t be able to snag these again, because everything is going to reference three titles in a row, so you might as well grab it.

Jalen Hurts “gamechanger” figure — $30
** Last time I checked, Hurt’s hands were not the size of his entire head, and he did need to bend over to tie his shoes. But if you ever wanted a collectible of the Eagles QB morphed into a half gorilla, it’s available for a reasonable price.

Terrell Owens jersey — $130
** Is all the AJ Brown drama too much for you? Do you wish we could go back to the days of having a star receiver who complains a lot but also doesn’t win Super Bowls? T.O. is ready to return you to the glory days of frustration and unrealized talent.

RB A.J. Dillon — $130,000
** Dillon signed a nearly $1.2 million contract with the Eagles in the offseason but hasn’t been used at all in the last month. So I’m sure the team would be happy to hand him over to you for housework or show shoveling for the last two weeks of the season, if you’ll just cover his remaining base salary.

Eagles peach hat — $22.50
** This is a hat with an Eagles logo covered in peaches. Maybe it was created because there are a lot of Georgia players on the team, and Georgia has peaches, and … ? Anyways, if you’ve ever thought that your support for the team should be joined with your support for fruit, this is your moment.

Game-used Saquon Barkley pants — $1,487.50
** Want to relive the excitement — and smell — of Barkley running for 43 yards and a TD against the Bucs in September? Wait, you do? What’s wrong with you, man? Go buy a book or something.

QB: Brock Purdy, 40.90 pts — started by Jo
WR: Puka Nacua, 33.00 pts — started by Ant
RB: Chase Brown, 29.47 pts — started by Jeff
TE: George Kittle, 17.17 pts — started by Mike
K: Charlie Smyth, 20.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Saints, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Kyle Dugger, 11.00 pts — on the wire

I did not have two Saints players as top performers on my bingo card for the week. New Orleans had its best defensive performance of the year in a 29-6 win over the Jets. And Smyth, in just his fourth game in the NFL, tied a team record with five field goals in that victory.

Smyth was a goalkeeper in Ireland’s Gaelic football league, and joined the NFL through its International Player Pathway Program. Gaelic football is just a little different from American football — The actual score of one semi-final match this week for the Irish league was “Tooreen 1-28 Éire Óg, Carrickmore 1-17.” No, I don’t have the slightest idea what that means. Good on Tooreen, I guess?

Puka Nacua had 12 catches for 225 yds and two TDs this week, the first time this season a wideout has topped the 200-yds mark. It happened twice last year and six times in 2023. You don’t remember that much receiving two years ago because that was the year the Eagles forgot how to pass for the second half of the season. Thank gawd those problems are over.

“Dallas” edition

3rd place: Joe Milton III, -0.86 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Dallas, -3.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Indianapolis, -3.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Miami, -4.00 pts — on the wire

Hey, our anagram subject from last week is back! Dallas Backup QB Joe Milton III (or, as you know him, “Skilled? Baa. I complain, quit job”) was not skilled and quit his job in the form of fumbling the ball during mop-up duty in Sunday’s loss to the Chargers.

But don’t just blame him. Over the last five games, the Dallas defense has scored a total of -2.00 pts. They have six weeks where they registered negative fantasy points, and are averaging 30.3 actual points allowed per game. That's the second worst in the league. If only they had a stud defensive player to help them stabilize that side of the ball, but where would they even find someone like that?


** During Thursday’s Rams/Seahawks contest, LA was leading by 16 points with less than nine minutes left in the game when WR Rashid Shaheed weaved through the Rams’ special teams unit to score on a 58-yard punt return. Amazon announcer Al Michaels had the call:

“Shaheed takes the punt … works through traffic, he’s heading down the sidelines and out of NOWHERE he is in for the touchdown. And we’ve got a game.”

Right enthusiasm, wrong words. Out of nowhere? He was the punt returner. We kind of all expected him to get the ball, and keep running with it. Or maybe he meant out of nowhere because up until then Seattle had only scored … two touchdowns? They weren’t getting shut out. It wasn’t a giant surprise that they’d score again.

The Seahawks got a two-point conversion on the next play, scoring on an out-of-nowhere forward pass to their #2 wideout. It truly is an unpredictable game.

** Sirius XM’s NFL Blitz show has been running promos this weekend with co-host Bruce Murray previewing the postseason and exclaiming “Are we really looking at a playoffs without Mahomes, or Lamar, or Goff, or even Dak?”

Sure, Mahomes is a surprise. And the Lions and Ravens missing out on the championship bracket is shocking. But Prescott not showing up in the playoffs is kind of his calling card. Not sure you can be appalled that a guy who has two January wins in the last 10 years is once again not going to get any January wins.

Now Jalen Hurts missing the playoffs? That would be a stunner. Five years in the league, and he’ll have 10 playoff starts by the end of week 19. Hopefully a few more after that in 2026 too.

 
** Commander’s coach Dan Quinn’s reaction to the completely unneeded two-point attempt by the Eagles in the fourth quarter of an already settled game: “If that’s how they want to get down, all good. We play them again in two weeks.”

 
Oh boy. I bet the Commanders are really gonna lay the smackdown on … Tanner McKee and the other backups who play in that meaningless game. Message sent.

The NFL’s Christmas present to you is a full slate of three games this Thursday, with plenty of intrigue and drama in store to spice up your holiday. Here’s a look at the most festive storylines to track in between opening presents and enjoying your Christmas cookies:

** Is Chris Oladokun the next big QB star?
It’s the matchup that everyone has been waiting for: Broncos second-year QB Bo Nix vs. Chiefs rookie QB Chris Oladokun. Sure, maybe QB Patrick Mahomes is better known right now, but Oladokun also has a weird last name and the Kansas City offense to carry. So could we be meeting the next Mahomes on Thursday? Sure doesn’t seem like it, but who knows!

** How many points can the Cowboys and Commanders surrender?
Unlike Dallas, the Commanders are only giving up 27 points per game. Could these two teams both score 50 against each other’s lifeless defenses? Or will the motivation of a late-season division game with no playoff stakes on the line inspire them to make just a single stop?

** Who will watch the Lions/Vikings game?
Both of these teams made the postseason last year, but only the Lions have a shot at repeating that feat this season. Except they really don’t! They’re only path involves 20 teams losing and a voodoo curse reversing time. So who will tune in for this afternoon matchup? Will it even provide enough distraction from family members to count as entertainment?

** Can the Spurs beat the Thunder? 

 The Thunder have only lost three of their first 28 games, but one of those failures came at the hands of the upstart Spurs, the second-place team in the Western conference. Why would NFL fans care at all? I dunno, but it’s better than any of the holiday crapfest being broadcast on Tubi Sports or wherever they’ve got these stupid football games this year. The NBA will be on ABC, where you can actually watch it.

The Eagles victory on Saturday officially ended any hope of a Cowboys postseason this year, a crushing development for the franchise. During a press conference a day later, team owner and GM Jerry Jones said simply that “we all underachieved, really” but expressed confidence that the team will come back stronger next year.

Of course, there is no reason for such optimism. In the last 30 years, the Cowboys are the only NFC team not to reach the conference title game, and have only made the playoffs 13 times. But if you look closer at what Jerry said and really break down the letters, you can see that they actually spell out the true message he was delivering:

Jones statement: We all underachieved
** A moan, jest. Cattle dude heels never win

Typical Jerry, using all those extra words — cattle dude heels — just to say cowboys. I’m gonna miss him when he finally leaves the NFL scene. It has been so relaxing to have an idiot running the Cowboys for the last few decades.

** Dad picks up another game on me this week, going 3-2 in our head-to-head picks. He’s only eight back, with two weeks to go. But he does get extra props for picking the Chiefs to spiral out of control and lose to the Titans. That was … something.

** Delaware bested Louisiana in the 68 Ventures Bowl last week in a 20-13 thriller. That gives them a perfect record in the College Football premier postseason (1-0 all time). Take that, Villanova.

** The Eagles can get the #1 overall seed if they win their last two, the Rams lose to Atlanta but beat the Cardinals, the Bears beat the 49ers but lose to the Lions, the 49ers lose to the Bears but beat the Seahawks, and the Seahawks lose to the Panthers and 49ers. Then there is a five-way tie for the top seed in the NFC at 12-5, and the Eagles … might win the tiebreaker? It isn’t clear, it depends on strength of schedule and how a dozen other games play out. Oh also Dr. Strange has to give up the mind stone to Thanos so that Iron Man can steal it back later. That’s the only path to victory.

Week 16 standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

Our championship game is set: Mike, the #2 seed, will take on Jim, the #5 seed. Jim annihilated out top regular season finisher, Lexi, with a 176.88-104.36 performance last week. Can he continue his Cinderella run to the title? Or will Mike grab the cup for Team Doyle? One week left for a new hero to rise. 

In the bottom bracket, Emma’s team has managed three straight wins after only recording one win in the first 13 weeks of the season. She’ll take on Grandmom Shane for the loser bracket title. Shelly and Lexi will square off in the 3rd place game, Dad and Jimmy will fight for the 9th place honor. Ollie (5th), Jonathan (6th), Shane (11th) and Tommy (12th) are finished for the year.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1996.25 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 1963.57 pts
3 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1956.34 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1891.31 pts
5 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1871.44 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1705.01 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1673.93 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1571.88 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1544.02 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1526.43 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1432.60 pts
12 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1417.45 pts

Another big week from Mike closes the gap between him and first to just 33 pts. Both he and Jonathan topped 130 pts this week, keeping the pressure on Pop with just two weeks left. Bob and I remain locked in a fight for the first team off the medals podium. I had the worst score of the week with 92.50 pts, which, honestly, is pretty good for the worst score of the week.

Jeff, Joanna and Joel all had big performances, besting 120 pts, but they remain mired in the bottom of the bracket. But Joel’s performance was enough to keep him out of the cellar for another week. Paul hasn’t started a QB since Mac Jones in week 11 (and he scored -0.30 pts that week) so perhaps that isn’t a huge bar to clear.

OK, I just checked, and the last time Paul started a QB who scored positive points was week 8, when Spencer Rattler got him 2.64 pts. That means that since the start of November, he has negative fantasy points from the QB position, the spot where the most points are scored each week. Honestly, it’s amazing he even has 1,400 pts.

Speaking of amazing things, the NFL schedule coming up is an amazing mess. Three games on Christmas, two on Saturday, only two late Sunday afternoon, one on Monday. Set your rosters on Christmas Eve and hope that Santa Goodell doesn’t bring you any more coal.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 15 recap

Good omens from the Eagles big win on Sunday: 

** The Eagles beat the Raiders 31-0 on Sunday. The last time they were up 31 points on any opponent? That would be in the third quarter of the Super Bowl, when they were up 34-0 over the Chiefs, just a short while before they hoisted the championship trophy.

** DE Brandon Graham had two sacks on Sunday. The last time he got to the QB? That would be in the win over the Rams last season, just before the Eagles went on a playoff run that ended in winning the Super Bowl.

** QB Kenny Pickett was the starter for the Raiders on Sunday. The last time he was on the same field as the Eagles? That would be in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl, when the team was up by so much that he got a chance to go in with the scrubs.

** The Eagles won a game on Sunday. The last time they won a game? That was in November, when they beat the Lions, who were the team that got bounced by the Commanders in the 2024 playoffs, a week before the Eagles destroyed the Commanders in the NFC championship game en route to a Super Bowl win.

** The offense and defense for the Eagles both played spectacular on Sunday. The last time both sides of the ball looked competent at the same time? That was the 40-22 dominant victory by the birds over the Chiefs in February, which was when the Eagles won their last Super Bowl title.

QB: Trevor Lawrence, 54.30 pts — on the wire
WR: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 29.43 pts — started by Mom D
RB: James Cook III, 29.97 pts — started by Paul
TE: Kyle Pitts Sr., 34.57 pts — on Mom D’s bench
K: Jason Myers, 24.00 pts — started by Pop
DEF: Baltimore, 28.00 pts — started by Jeff
D: Jeffery Simmons, 12.57 pts — on the wire

Huge day for Lawrence, who is perennially hyped as one of the next great QBs and never seems to deliver. He has been solid all season but never topped 30 fantasy pts in any game until Sunday, when he threw five TDs and rushed in another one in a 48-20 dismantling of the Jets. Sadly for Lawrence, that total doesn’t even break the top five in fantasy points among QBs in the last 15 years. I’ve got this recap from last year with that list. https://captawesome.blogspot.com/2024/12/fantasy-football-2024-week-14-recap.html

Speaking of chronically disappointing, Pitts — the pride of Archbishop Wood High School — had a total of 31.13 fantasy points in his previous six games leading up to Thursday night’s matchup against the Bucs. He caught three TD passes in that game (he had one coming into this week) and notched 11 catches for 166 yds. Falcons officials hinted they may use the franchise tag on him in the offseason, because having one great game every two or three years is really all you need to survive in this league.

Myers kicked six field goals in Seattle’s win over the Colts. Good for him, but it was an 18-16 win, and if all you do in a game is kick field goals, you should be limited to a tie at best.

“Former Eagles QBs” edition

3rd place: Kenny Pickett, 1.26 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Nick Mullins, -0.20 pts — on the wire
1st place: Gardner Minshew, -1.12 pts — on the wire

It’s worth noting that all of these guys scored worse points than current Eagles backup QB Tanner McKee, who appeared in one series this week and collected 2.22 fantasy points.

Pickett was everything you hope for when you trade away a QB: inaccurate and uninspired. He totaled just 64 yds passing and threw one interception, showing why he was deemed expendable not just by the Eagles, but also by the Browns (who traded him to Las Vegas after sending the Eagles a draft pick for him).

And yet, Minshew was worse. He came into the Chiefs game for an injured Patrick Mahomes, then quickly threw a pick and ended Kansas City’s season. On the year, Minshew has appeared in three games and scored negative points in each one. Maybe that’ll change next week.

And Muillins? He counts. He was on the Eagles practice squad for part of 2021 before heading to Cleveland. He is also the grandson of Ernie Tabor, who pitched in the Philadelphia Phillies minor league system in the 1950s. So he has tons of Phill cred. No fantasy points, but tons of cred.


** On Saturday, the Athletic’s Alex Kirshner wrote that “this is one of the closest Heisman races ever” even while he acknowledged that the betting odds were heavily in favor of Indiana’s Fernando Mendoza (a $1200 risk would win you $1300). “The betting odds don’t tell the story of how close this race could be.”

And when the full vote came out, he was right — it wasn’t even THAT close. Mendoza had 643 first place votes. The next nine runners up had 273 first-place votes combined.

If only about 250 voters had seen the whole season differently, it would have been a real nailbiter.

** Following the Chiefs’ loss Sunday, which officially eliminated Kansas City from post-season contention this year, NFL.com’s Grant Gordon wrote that “it is the close of a truly special chapter in NFL chronicle, one in which the Chiefs and Mahomes became the defining team and player of the league.”

Just go ahead and read that first part of the sentence again, because I don’t think I wrote that the Chiefs were eliminated from the post-season forever, just this year.

Remember 2008? That’s the year after the Patriots lost the Super Bowl to the Giants, nixing their bid at an undefeated season. They had appeared in playoffs five straight years and won three of the prior seven Super Bowls, but in 2008 they missed the playoffs after QB Tom Brady got hurt.

It was the close of a truly special chapter in NFL history, as the once dominant New England franchise would never again rise to the same level of … just kidding, they made the playoffs the next 11 years after 2008 and won three more Super Bowls.

Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes turned 30 this year. Maybe, just maybe, missing the playoffs once in his career doesn’t mean it’s time for retirement.

** Daily Mail headline on Monday: “NFL fans brutally mock Joe Biden as he makes huge Philadelphia Eagles gaffe”

His alleged mistake was attending the Eagles game on Sunday wearing a 2023 Super Bowl cap with the Eagles logo on front. The British tabloid noted that “Philadelphia actually lost that Super Bowl to the Kansas City Chiefs.”

And … that’s it?

Look, I’ll acknowledge that the former president should have enough cash to spring for newer gear. But I just attended an Eagles game wearing a Brian Westbrook jersey and a scarf from the mid 2010s. Is that not allowed anymore? Only championship branded gear? No 2004 division title shirts or Brian Dawkins memorabilia because they didn’t get a title?

I know this is more about the politics than the hat, but it’s not like the guy showed up in a “I like football” or “I hope everyone has a good time” shirt. It was an older Eagles hat. Simmer down, Brits.

College football’s silly season is back, with 47 bowl games (36 non-playoff matchups) on the schedule for the next few weeks. Sadly, not all of them are the high-quality programming promised by their names. Here’s a look at a few of the worst offenders:

** The Cricket Celebration Bowl
This game was played Saturday and featured zero celebration of the mysteries of crickets, which boast more than 900 species worldwide.

** The Xbox Bowl
This game will be played on a field in Frisco, Texas — and not on a giant stadium screen using an Xbox and a copy of NCAA football 2025, which would make so much more sense.

** The Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl
The famous rapper and sponsor of the event is expected to attend the game, but he won’t be playing. Should he have to sub in for one of the QBs?

** The Trust & Will Holiday Bowl
It only makes sense to build an entire game around estate planning if you announce beforehand that the losers of the game will be executed.

** Bush's Boca Raton Bowl of Beans
The game will be played at Florida Atlantic University’s Flagler Credit Union Stadium, and not, as suggested, in a giant bowl of beans.

In recent years, the Cowboys’ season has been derailed by injuries to starter Dak Prescott. The team hoped to fix that problem this season with a more reliable backup. They settled on former Michigan Wolverine and New England Patriot Joe Milton. He provides the perfect blend of talent and work ethic that the team is known for. Don’t believe me? Just look at what the letters in his name spell out:

Dallas Backup QB Joe Milton III
** Skilled? Baa. I complain, quit job.

Quitting the job early is what the Cowboys are known for. Heck, they haven’t worked past early January in years…

** I went 1-2 against Dad this week, so he gets one in our picks showdown. For the year, he remains nine back. With three weeks left, his path to victory is slim. It’s not as bad as the Cowboys path to the playoffs, but still slim.

** The Christmas day games for the NFL will be the Chiefs playing the Broncos without Patrick Mahomes, the Commanders playing the Cowboys without Jayden Daniels and the Lions playing the Vikings possibly without a chance of either team making the playoffs. Solid work there, guys.

** Saquon Barkley had 78 yds rushing, 14 yds receiving and 1 TD on Sunday. The Raiders as a team had 75 yards net offense and no points on Sunday. So it’s not extreme to say that Barkley alone beat Las Vegas.


Week 15 standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

Ollie and Jonathan had their title hopes dashed this week in very different fashions. Jonathan’s team had its worst performance of the year, allowing Shelly’s low-scoring squad to escape with a 78.22-67.30 win. Meanwhile, Ollie’s team scored 144.50 points but lost by two to Jim’s squad. I haven’t seen a team score that much and lose since … five times this season with Emma’s team.

Speaking of Emma’s team, despite a terrible regular season, the Unicorn Blobfish Empire will not finish in last place, thanks to a consolation bracket victory this week. Jimmy also won, leaving the Quinn boys to battle for the 11th place finisher prize.

Only four teams left for the championship: Jim, Shelly, Mike and Lexi. We’ll get that number down to two this week.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,873.21 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 1,824.70 pts
3 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,823.90 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,786.93 pts
5 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,778.94 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,594.14 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,548.15 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,447.08 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,442.31 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,418.74 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,310.50 pts
12 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,310.05 pts

Lots of shakeup this week, starting near the top. Mike’s team topped 156 pts this week and jumped from fourth to second. As the weather gets colder, his team heats up. Jonathan falls to third and is in real danger of not winning the league for a third year in a row, which I know will upset everyone.

Jeff’s team is quietly sneaking up the charts too — he was the second-highest scorer on the week (128.72) and overtook Mom D’s struggling squad in the standings. And Joel has climbed out of the basement by just one step over Paul’s team, Who didn’t start a QB or WR1 this week. In fairness, neither did the Raiders.

The NFL gave you one normal week of games, so now we’re done with that nonsense. This week features a Thursday contest, two Saturday games, 12 Sunday games, a Monday game and a partridge in a pear tree. Try to keep up, and get those rosters set.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 14 recap

The Eagles and Chargers starred in ESPN’s "Monsters Funday Football” alternate broadcast on Monday night, with characters from the Monsters Inc. franchise re-enacting all of the plays nearly simultaneously with the live action. The presentation has been a fun gimmick in recent years, but the pick of loveable monsters to stand in for the frustrating Eagles was an inappropriate pick. Here’s the cartoon characters who should have been playing key Philly offensive starters:

** WR AJ Brown — Grumpy the Dwarf
He’s doing all the work, but he ain’t happy about it.

** RB Saquon Barkley — Lightning McQueen
Both used to be fast, now both are stuck in a backwater wasteland with misfits surrounding them.

** DE Jaelan Phillips — Wreck-It Ralph
Nobody seems to appreciate what a beast this guy is, because everything around him is a mess.

** WR DeVonta Smith — Mary Poppins
Both just fly up their field without explanation or any real reason.

** QB Jalen Hurts — Flash, the sloth from Zootopia
Actually, that’s not fair. The sloth could probably get through his reads faster than Hurts right now.

QB: Josh Allen, 43.84 pts — started by Ant
WR: Michael Wilson, 27.47 pts — started by Mike
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 30.93 pts — started by Jeff
TE: Harold Fannin Jr., 17.60 pts — started by Paul
K: Brandon Aubrey, 23.50 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Minnesota, 23.00 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Nick Emmanwori, 11.00 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Christian Benford, 11.00 pts — on the wire

That’s the third time this year that Allen topped 40 fantasy pts in a game. He’s now averaging 25.3 fantasy points a game and sits 25 pts ahead of the second-best fantasy performer of the year, Rams QB Matthew Stafford. But it is worth noting that Allen cost a third-round pick, while you could have gotten Stafford off the waiver wire in week 2.

Gibbs has scored 30+ fantasy pts three times in the last five weeks and still sits 19 fantasy pts behind RB leader Jonathan Taylor for the season. Taylor has almost double the fantasy pts of Saquon Barkley.

Shout out to the #2 fantasy player on the week, Browns QB Shedeur Sanders, who scored 39.46 pts. He threw three TDs, ran for another and proved once and for all that he can post big numbers and still lose in embarrassing fashion. That’s the mark of a true Cleveland signal caller.

“Super Bowl MVP who forgot how to play football” edition

1st place: Jalen Hurts, 2.40 pts — started by Jonathan

Sure, there were QBs who scored lower than the Eagles signal caller this weekend, but non played worse. Hurts coughed up the ball five times in Monday’s loss to the Chargers — twice on one play, the first time that has ever happened in an NFL game — and single-handedly lost the key matchup for his team.

Remember, this is the reigning Super Bowl MVP we are talking about. He had two interceptions all year coming into the game, and left the contest with six. He accounted for zero TDs for the first time all season. Hurts had a perfect passer rating against the Vikings in mid-October and had a worse QB rating than anyone in the stadium on Monday (31.2, where throwing a ball straight into the ground is a 39.6 rating).

It’s a mind-boggling fall from grace for Hurts. The only good news is that it feels impossible to record three turnovers on a single play, so maybe he can’t embarrass himself more next week.


** As snow began to fall during Sunday’s Cincinnati/Buffalo contest, Bengals Dan Hoard noted that the weather hadn’t stopped QB Joe Burrow from throwing two TD passes on his team’s first three drives.

“The snow hasn’t bothered him at all!” he boasted. “He truly is Joe Brrrrrrrr!”

First, if you want to do the Dad joke right, you say the full name. Brrrr-oooow. Cutting it short makes you seem like you just forgot what you were doing.

Second, Burrow threw two picks after that statement, so way to jinx your man.

** The Raiders were trailing the Broncos by 10 points with 58 seconds left in the game on Sunday. After a few quick passes, the team found themselves at the 28-yard-line, and opted to kick a quick field goal to close the gap to a single score. The 46-yard attempt was good ... and ended the game.

 
That’s because the attempt came with four seconds left on the clock. Did any coach on the Las Vegas sideline really think there was time for a field goal, onsides kick recovery and a Hail Mary attempt? Have they watched football before?

As the kick sailed through, Raiders K Daniel Carlson gave a half fist pump, then looked at the sidelines for some kind of explanation. Maybe he was supposed to kick the ball harder, to save that one second for multiple miracles.

** I’m late to the game on this, but the New Jersey Giants motto over the last few years with former coach Brian Daboll was “smart, tough, dependable.” And I think maybe the team didn’t win many games because they were promoting STDs to the players too much.

The Colts lost QB Daniel Jones and backup QB Riley Leonard to injury in Sunday’s loss to the Jaguars. Third-string QB Anthony Richardson has been on injured reserve for a month with his own issues. So on Tuesday, team officials announced they had signed 44-year-old Phillip Rivers, even though he hasn’t taken a professional snap in the last four years.

It’s a desperate, crazy move by the team, because there are clearly better options out there to consider. Here's who they could have added to their backfield instead:

** Tom Brady: Sure, he’s got a cushy TV gig now. But you know he wants to get back in the game, and you know the NFL would be fine with breaking rules to make it happen.

** Peyton Manning: Why not consider a former Colts great? He’s a young 49, and his last time on a football field was a Super Bowl win (in 2015).

** Aaron Rogers: Yes, he has a gig with the Steelers right now. But he’d probably jump just to get more attention.

** Jeff George: Why not consider a former Colts great? He’s a young 58, and his last time on a football field was … losing with the Bears in 2004.

** The remains of Daniel Jones: Even with one busted leg, he’s starting to sound like a preferable choice.

The Cowboys are always looking for player depth, so it’s no surprise that they’ve been active with their practice squad players throughout the season. This week they signed former Pitt RB Israel Abanikanda, hoping he can bring a spark to the floundering team. But it’s not his on field play that made him attractive to coaches — it was the intangibles hidden in his name. Luckily, it’s easy for us to see what his true skills are:

Dallas Cowboys RB Israel Abanikanda
** Seal claws. Kind as a bloody barbarian

Before you ask — yes, seals do have claws. They’re nasty. Not as nasty as the Cowboys defense, but nasty.

** It’s getting grim for Dad — he went 1-3 against me in picks this week, and falls to 10 back in our head-to-head showdown. With just four weeks left, he’s gonna need a major push to keep me from claiming victory.

** Super Bowl winning QB Kenny Pickett had a miserable Sunday, throwing for just 97 yds and one TD to collect 10.48 fantasy pts in the Raiders loss. But that was good enough to get him on the positive side of the ledger for the year. Before this weekend, he had -1.68 fantasy pts for the season, making him the worst fantasy scorer in all of football. Now, he’s among the top 410 scorers on the year. Well done.

** At least Schwarber got a new contract this week? Yay?


Week 14 standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings 
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

The playoffs are set: Mike and Lexi get first-round byes, Jonathan and Shelly square off in the 3-6 matchup, and Jim and Ollie square off in the 5-4. Jonathan finished the season with the most points by far, but needed Grandmom Shane to lose on the final day of the regular season to sneak into the playoffs (she started Jalen Hurts, so…)

For the other teams, there is a losers’ bracket, so keep setting those rosters for a chance to finish in 7th place. Emma’s team won in the regular season finale and is itchy for its first winning streak of the season, and a chance to not finish in last.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,756.67 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,716.34 pts
3 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,681.37 pts
4 — City Hands (Mike), 1,668.42 pts
5 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,667.52 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,482.66 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,423.80 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,367.16 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,329.68 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,313.59 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,226.39 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,203.92 pts

A huge week for Mike (152.11 pts) vaulted him over me into fourth place, despite my first half-decent performance (129.97) in a month. Jonathan’s stumble gives Dad a bigger cushion in first place. And three teams managed to score less than 80 pts this week (Jeff, Joel and Jo), which isn’t great. Hang tight, the season isn’t over yet.

But the bye weeks are! Four weeks of football left and everyone will play. No Saturday games this week. Only one Monday game. Still a stupid Thursday game, but that’s unavoidable. No reason to have your roster incomplete. It’s time to push towards the trophies.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 13 recap

The concern around Philly after the embarrassing Black Friday loss to the Bears is that the Eagles are headed to another 2023, where the team looked great for the second half of the season and fell apart in the last two months of the year. But when you look closer, you realize that isn’t a fair comparison. Consider:

** After Nov. 1 in 2023, QB Jalen Hurts looked erratic and unpredictable. Hurts is neither of those things this season — he is consistently disappointing and underachieving.

** The 2023 team hired Matt Patricia midway through the season in a failed attempt to fix the defense. This season’s team is refusing to make any coaching moves to deal with the gaping holes in their offensive gameplan.

** The 2023 team had RB D’Andre Swift rush for over 1,000 yards over the course of the season. The 2025 team had D’Andre Swift rush for over 1,000 yards against them last Friday.

** The 2023 team had WRs AJ Brown and DeVonta Smith both top 1,000 receiving yds on the season. The 2025 team no longer uses both of those wide receivers for more than half a game, so they can’t reach those marks.

** The Eagles were 10-1 in 2023 before finishing the season 11-6. This season’s team doesn’t look like they can make it to 11 wins.

So it’s no worry that we’re seeing a repeat of 2023 — This team doesn’t seem good enough to reach that bar.

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 37.44 pts — started by Sam
WR: A.J. Brown, 26.10 pts — started by Bob
RB: Bijan Robinson, 26.10 pts — started by me
TE: Brock Bowers, 18.20 pts — started by Joel
K: Evan McPherson, 24.00 pts — started by Joel
DEF: Seattle, 35.00 pts — started by Pop
D: Ernest Jones IV, 14.50 pts — on the wire

Fun fact — all of those first four top performers were on teams that lost. So, maybe fantasy points don’t mean everything. But I’m glad AJ finally got his moment in the sun. In the cold, cold November sun.

Mahomes’ big day (four passing TDs, 291 total yds) put him 0.64 pts ahead of Bills QB Josh Allen in the race for the #1 fantasy player of the season. Rams QB Matthew Stafford is 11 pts back, and Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is only 25 pts behind. Eagles WR Jahan Dotson is 284 fantasy pts behind, which is more than twice the fantasy points he has scored in his last 47 games. It’s not a fair comparison at all, but I just thought I’d remind you that Jahan Dotson is still on this Eagles team, since all of their wideouts get forgotten often.

“Woooow” edition

3rd place: Mason Rudolph, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Detroit, -3.00 pts — started by Mom D
1st place: Max Brosmer, -3.06 pts — on the wire

The Lions defense hasn’t been good all year, but their absolute stinker at home on Thanksgiving against the division-rival Packers is the low point for the team. They surrendered 31 pts on Thursday, and have just four sacks and one turnover in their last four games.

That would be the most depressing performance of the week if not for Brosmer, the Vikings third-string QB. He is the reason for Seattle posting the best defensive performance of the season so far: Four sacks, four interceptions, one fumble recovery and one TD on a pick from Brosmer that was the worst football play you will ever see.

His QB rating on the day was 32.8, worse than the 39.6 rating you had just dropping the remote on the floor once Sunday (one attempt, zero completions for zero yds). And you also scored more fantasy points than him, with zero. So it is not exaggerating to say you did a better job under center this weekend for the Vikings — even though the team was playing on the other side of the country, hundreds of miles away — than their starting QB did.


** Fox’s college football pregame show is titled “Big Noon Kickoff.” It starts at 11am each Saturday morning and runs until the opening kickoff for the featured game … which happens at 12:15 pm.

I guess the 15-minute delay makes it “big noon.” I still think I’d prefer a normal noon kickoff, and less pontificating ahead of time.

 
** During halftime of Sunday’s Texans/Colts game, Houston radio play-by-play announcer Marc Vandermeer remarked that the two teams were evenly matched in the first 30 minutes of “this showdown of AFC South leaders.”

Coming into the game, the Colts were 8-3, two games ahead of the 6-5 Texans in the standings. So they were both “leaders” in the division if you consider “anyone in the top three spots in a four-team division” as a leader. Because after the Texans scored an upset, they moved to 7-5 … and stayed in third place, behind the 8-4 Jaguars and 8-4 Colts.

Some people lead from behind, I guess.

** At halftime of the Lions/Packers game, Fox sideline reporter Erin Andrews reported that Detroit coach Dan Campbell had “the perfect encapsulation of the first half” when the two spoke coming out of the locker room:

“He told me, ‘We had four possessions, two punts and two scores. And it could be like that in the second half too.’”

Now that’s sideline insight. I mean, sure, the box score could have told me the possessions and results. And everyone watching the game could have told me the possessions and results. But only a sideline reporter interviewing a coach could give me the insight that the second half could also have possessions and results. That Ohio State sideline reporter from last week could really learn a lesson here.

Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin left his post at the school this week to take over as the new leader of the LSU Tigers, getting a seven-year contract worth $91 million. He is now one of only three college coaches to make more than $13 million annually. That seems like a lot of money, but when you break it down into other potential purchases for the university, the total doesn’t feel as overwhelming. Here’s what $91 million could buy instead:

** Full in-state tuition (with books) at LSU for 6,979 students ($13,038 each).
** Three new state-of-the-art locker rooms for the football team ($28 million for the last renovation).
** 293 rings from LSU’s 2003 championship season ($31,000 each).
** The entire New Orleans Saints offense this season ($89.1 million in salary).
** 37.9 million NCAA footballs ($23.99 each).
** 28 games from LSU alum Joe Burrow (on a five-year, $275 million contract).
** Brian Kelly, their failed previous coach (a now voided 10-year, $95 million contract).

The Dallas coaching staff signed CB Corey Ballentine from the practice squad to the active roster just ahead of their Thanksgiving contest. It’s Ballentine’s 10th stint with an NFL team, which has led to questions about why he has trouble staying on active rosters. Some coaches have pointed to his inconsistent play, others have wondered if his practice ethic is enough. But if you just examine the letters in his name, you can see the real problem:

New Dallas DB Corey Ballentine
** Worst troll bane — badly cleaned swine

Nobody likes a smelly teammate, except for the Cowboys. They already have the stench of sadness and failure in their locker room.

** Dad and I split our picks for the week, so he remains eight back for the season. He did correctly pick the New Jersey Jets upset over the Falcons on Sunday, a pick that I mocked him for. But while he was right, I feel like anyone who was following that game at all was in the wrong.

** According to the New York Times’ Athletic, the Cowboys have a 41% chance of making the playoffs if they beat the Lions next week and an 8% chance of making the playoffs if they lose to Detroit. C’mon, Jared Goff. Just one more great game, man. That’s all we’re asking for.

** Speaking of that Atlanta loss, the Falcons are 4-8 and would be in line for a top-10 pick next spring if they hadn’t traded the selection to the Rams last year to move up in the 2025 draft and go all in on this season and that’s just the saddest story ever.


Week 13 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 27-12
House Garrity: 21-18
House Quinn: 16-23
House Shane: 13-24-2

Three teams are in the playoffs — Lexi, Mike and Shelly — which leaves three spots to be decided in the final week. Ollie would need a tremendous amount of bad luck to miss the playoffs, leaving Jim, Grandmom Shane and Jonathan to sort out the final two berths. And what do you know? Jim and Jonathan are playing each other. The winner gets a chance at glory, the loser gets the losers bracket. Lots of pressure on both teams.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,641.29 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,626.48 pts
3 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,575.78 pts
4 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,537.55 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1,516.31 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,347.08 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,342.07 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,279.66 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,252.95 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,234.83 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,132.43 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,092.59 pts

Another huge week from Dad finally vaults him into first, with a small cushion over his grandson. But don’t forget about our third-place team — the team that I picked to win it all in my pre-season rankings — making a charge towards the top. Bob’s squad has been lingering all year, and is within striking distance as we head into the final five weeks of the season.

My team? Complete free-fall. I’ve gone from a 20-pts lead in first-place on Nov. 1 to a 105-pts deficit in fourth on Dec. 2. That is not a happy holiday start for my squad.

Week 14 is the last bye week, so it’s the last time you’ll need to worry about getting a surprise zero from an inactive player. But there is still a Thursday game and pitfalls galore before the Eagles play on Monday night, so get those rosters settled early.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 12 recap

To pour salt on an open wound, the Eagles suffered multiple serious injuries in their loss to Dallas Sunday evening. Here’s a recap of some of the most worrisome ones:

** S Andrew Mukuba: Fractured ankle. It appears the rookie’s season will come to an early end.

** S Reed Blankenship: Thigh contusion. He’s questionable for this Friday’s game, putting the team’s depth in the secondary in doubt.

** CB Adoree' Jackson: Concussion. Coaches are still trying to decide if this injury hurts or improves the Eagles secondary situation.

** QB Jalen Hurts: Throat injury. It’s unclear exactly when the damage occurred, but Hurts could be seen on the field choking violently throughout the third and fourth quarters.

** WR AJ Brown: His feelings remain hurt.

** RB Saquon Barkley: Stomach bug. Or maybe he’s just getting sick of all this offensive nonsense, it’s hard to tell.

QB: Jameis Winston, 34.64 pts — on the wire
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 27.53 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 48.40 pts — on Jeff’s bench
TE: Hunter Henry, 17.17 pts — started by Jeff
K: Andy Borregales, 18.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: Green Bay, 21.00 pts — started by Bob
D: Myles Garrett, 12.00 pts — started by Jonathan

Over the last three weeks, Gibbs has scored 97.30 pts, more than any other player in fantasy football. Jeff has kept him on his bench all three weeks, which is why he’s in 10th place instead of 7th. Somehow, starting Hassan Haskins — the Chargers RB on injured reserve — has not proven to be a better strategy. But at least he got those big TE points.

Second week in a row that Garrett — a defensive player, remember — scored in double digits. He has 14 sacks in the last five games. Cincinnati has 15 sacks for the whole year.

Jalen Hurts (32.86 pts) outscored Dak Prescott (31.06 pts) in fantasy, so I’m sure that’s all that really matters.

 
“Names with a P” edition

3rd place: Myles Price, -0.32 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Xavier Gipson, -0.92 pts — on the wire
1st place: Tampa Bay, -2.00 pts — on Jo’s bench

Only one defense ended up in the red this week, and nobody started them. I think we’ve all finally turned a corner…

Gipson, the Eagles punt returner, whose name is not Gibson, remember it has a P in it because he’s a punt returner, fumbled in the fourth quarter to give Dallas a TD and the Eagles their first loss of the month. So, I dunno, maybe just forget him.


** Eagles coach Nick Sirianni summed up the Dallas loss on Sunday with this profound statement: "At the end of the day, we weren't good enough."

No, Nick. From dinnertime through the whole second half, you weren’t good enough. The problem was your offense thought the end of the day started at 6 p.m., right around halftime. Maybe score some second-half points.

** During the third quarter of Ohio State’s game on Saturday, just after the Buckeyes scored a touchdown, Buckeyes Radio sideline reporter Tyler Danburg gave this report:

“Coach Ryan Day just had a meeting with three different referees after that play. He was hot, and he gave it to them. It’s not clear what he was upset about. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

The broadcast team never did discover what the issue was. You know what could have helped clear up the mystery? If the crew had a dedicated employee who could give an on-the-ground synopsis of what’s happening during the game. You know, like giving a live report right from the sideline. 

Not sure what we’d call that person, but it could be an incredibly useful job.

There are NFL players who celebrate Thanksgiving, and then there are the players who were named to elevate the holiday to another level:

** Colts CB Sauce Gardner: Gotta have something to put on top of the meal.
** Bears DE Montez Sweat: M. Sweat is pretty much the same as “Meat Sweats.”
** Lions CB Kendall Fuller: That’s not too full of food, just more full.
** DE Tyrus Wheat: All dinner rolls are good dinner rolls.
** 49ers CB Eli Apple: I can just tell he was teased as “Eli Apple Pie” throughout grade school.
** Chiefs WR Jimmy Holiday: Ironically, he was cut from the team on Monday and will be … off for the holiday.
** Raiders OC Chip Kelly: He got fired this week, so belongs on this list because he’s a dead duck.


The Cowboys won’t be eating dinner with their families this Thursday, because they have a game scheduled every Thanksgiving (because they stole the Lions 30-year-old tradition starting in 1966). But the team still takes time each year to observe the celebration, with a moment of reflection in the locker room before kickoff. And what do the players think about? It’s pretty obvious, if you just rearrange a few letters in the holiday phrase:

 
Cowboys players give thanks
** A gawky snort: Psychos be evil

It’s one thing to be evil. It’s a whole extra level to be thankful for being evil, and to laugh about it. But what else would you expect from these guys?


** Picked up two games on Dad this weekend, thanks to the Chiefs overtime win against the Colts. That puts me up eight for the season, with only six weeks of regular season football left. I’m still picking winners at a 70 percent clip, even if I can’t get any Dolphins games right.

** With their overtime loss to the Lions on Sunday, the 2-10 New Jersey Giants were the first team eliminated from playoff contention. Somehow, the 1-10 Tennessee Titans still have a path, but even I don’t have time to figure that out. But it would involve a wild card spot.

** Credit to G: The Eagles are asking fans to wear all black for the Black Friday game this week. Or because they’re expecting a wake for this lifeless offense. Either way, it’s a dark day ahead.


Week 12 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 24-12
House Garrity: 20-16
House Quinn: 15-21
House Shane: 12-22-2

Family Cup alternate standings
House Shane: 4,348.50 total pts
House Doyle: 4,215.98 total pts
House Garrity: 3,799.40 total pts
House Quinn: 3,687.10 total pts

Look at that ridiculousness again. House Shane has three of the top six scoring teams, so naturally we also have two of the three worst records in the league. Jonathan — the highest scorer in the league by 150 pts — is in fourth place, barely hanging onto a playoff berth. Meanwhile, Lexi’s team (1,374.62 pts) is 9-3 and in first place, even though they have scored three fewer points than Emma’s team (1,377.18 pts) which is 1-10-1 and cannot catch a single break.

With the playoffs just two weeks away, Lexi, Mike and Shelly have all but wrapped up playoff berths, while Jonathan, Ollie, Jim and Grandmom Shane are fighting for three available spots. Shane and Jimmy may technically still be alive, but there’s too much math for me to figure that out.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,528.84 pts
2 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,495.03 pts
3 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,449.34 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,439.80 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1,402.19 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,267.42 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,256.51 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,184.45 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,176.08 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,150.96 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,042.51 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 960.21 pts

The champ is starting to pull away again. Jonathan scored 142.62 pts this week — second only to Bob’s 145.36 — and widened his nine-point lead from last week to a 33-point lead this week. Dad is trying to keep pace while Bob is charging up, while my team had a dreadful 86.49 pts performance and is sliding backwards quickly. Jo and Ant remain mired in the middle of the pack, and then comes the cliff.

Lots of roster challenges this week — check your teams before noon on Thursday, and then again before the Eagles game on Friday, and then again Sunday morning, and then maybe there’s a Tuesday game next week? Just check every few hours. The NFL doesn’t think you pay enough attention to them anyway.