Fantasy football 2023 -- week 17 recap

The Eagles loss to the Cardinals on Sunday appeared to be a devastating blow to their playoff hopes this year, but that’s not a fair way to look at the contest. It’s actually a devastating blow to the team’s season AND future, plus a giant boon to all the other teams in the NFL you hate, damaging the birds possibly for the next decade. Consider:

** The loss handed the #2 seed to the Cowboys, giving them a guaranteed home game in the first and second round of the playoffs. The Cowboys went 8-0 at home this season. An Eagles win would have forced them on the road, where they went 4-7 last year (including the end of the 2022 season). Instead of a possible first-round exit for the Cowboys, now it’s easy to imagine a fluke upset of an inconsistent 49ers team in the second round leading to the NFC championship game being held in Dallas and a free trip to the Super Bowl for the Cowboys because the Eagles could not win over a 3-12 team.

** The Cardinals win dropped them from #2 in the 2023 draft order to #4. The Commanders moved up to #2, and the Patriots to #3. Both of those teams are desperate for QB help … and this draft has three elite prospects. By losing to a 3-12 team, the Eagles may have just given both of those franchises passers who become Pro Bowl starters over the next few years.

** It’s widely assumed that Patriots Coach Bill Belichick will step away from New England at the end of the season, after another disappointing campaign. But if the team does get a new star QB, could that change? Could he stick around a few more years? And if he does, does he pick up 27 wins over the next three or four years to break the all-time coaching victories mark? If so, he’ll be able to point back to the Eagles losing to a 3-12 team as the turning point for his revitalization.

** And what about the Eagles themselves? Coach Nick Sirianni just got beat by his former defensive coordinator, Jonathan Gannon, whose team was 3-12 coming into the week. His former offensive coordinator, Shane Steichen, is in the coach of the year debate for his work with an undermanned Colts team. Could the front office force Sirianni to make changes after the team’s upcoming first-round playoff loss? And if he balks, does the overly emotional coach end up losing his job? If so, the easiest thing would be to promote someone from within … which is how the Eagles could end up with Matt Patricia (13-29-1) as their head coach next season, a nightmare scenario which cripples the franchise for the next five years.

So don’t think of the Eagles loss to the Cardinals as a hard-to-swallow loss. Think of it as possibly the start of the darkest chapter of football you’ve ever considered. Feel better now?

QB: Lamar Jackson, 46.34 pts — started by me
WR: Davante Adams, 26.90 pts — started by Jonathan
RB: Kyren Williams, 28.63 pts — started by me
TE: Juwan Johnson, 16.00 pts — on the wire
K: Harrison Butker, 24.00 pts — started by Mom
DEF: Houston, 24.00 pts — on the wire
D: Jermaine Johnson, 12.00 pts — on the wire

Jackson, who will likely be named the league’s MVP in a few weeks, has led all players in fantasy points over the last four weeks. Number two on that list? The guy he replaced: 38-year-old Joe Flacco, now starting for the Browns. Flacco threw for more TDs in December than any other player (13) after playing zero downs the first 12 weeks of the season. Utterly absurd.

Houston was the second-best defense in the league in December. The best? The LA Raiders, of course, who totaled 63.00 pts … including the 1.00 pts they scored in Sunday’s loss to the Colts. This is the second week in a row I’ve had to write something about the Raiders inconsistency, and frankly, I don’t care enough about them to make it three in a row, no matter what they do in the finale.

The top performers list includes a Jackson, two Johnsons, an Adams and a Williams. That’s a collection of really, really boring last names. How did we miss a dude named Smith?

“More bad QBs” edition

3rd place: Desmond Ridder, -1.32 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Will Levis, -1.36 pts — on the wire
1st place: Mike White, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Seven QBs ended up in negative territory this week, a record for this season. Three of them were backups who lost points on game-ending kneedowns. All of the others were losers, including White (who fumbled in the waning moments of the Dolphins game) and Levis (who lost a fumble early before being forced out due to injury).

This was the sixth game out of 14 this year that Ridder, the sometimes Falcons’ starter, has posted fewer than 10 fantasy points. He’s the 23rd ranked fantasy QB, just behind Kirk Cousins (who suffered a season-ending injury in week 8) and 4.04 pts ahead of Joe Burrow (who suffered a season-ending injury in week 11). The Falcons have lost six games this season by 8 points or fewer, and would have easily won the NFC South if they went 3-3 in those contests.

It’s worth noting that the Falcons were among the teams that could have easily signed Lamar Jackson in the offseason, but said they were comfortable with what they had in house. And because of that, they’ll be spending lots of time at home this postseason.



** After Michigan’s college football playoff win over Alabama (who should have been ranked 8th or 9th and not 4th, but that’s another story), ESPN announcer Chris Fowler shrieked in delight that “The Wolverines storybook season continues, and they head to the championship game!”

And that is a great description, if you read the kind of storybooks where Cinderella cheated her stepsisters to get to the ball and then, after meeting the prince, had to jail her fairy godmother for a separate series of fraud acts while claiming that the royal family was just out to get her for no reason, then lived happily ever after. But, it’s the NCAA, there aren’t really rules anyone needs to follow.

** ESPN headline on Monday: Will Panthers’ Bryce Young grow like Jaguars’ Trevor Lawrence?

From the story: “The Panthers can only hope Young improves over the next couple of seasons the way Lawrence has.”

Lawrence, who like Young was a much-hyped #1 overall pick, is the 20th-ranked passer on the year and has not been a top-10 QB any of his three years in the league. He may not have his contract extended by Jacksonville this offseason. Meanwhile, the guy drafted first one year before Lawrence — Bengals QB Joe Burrow — is considered to be one of the best in all of football and just signed a $275 million contract extension last summer. Seems like he’d be a better target goal…

But, um, yeah. Hopefully Young can improve to the same level as Lawrence. It’ll make it easier for Carolina to leave him on the side of the road somewhere.

Speaking of Carolina, Panthers owner David Tepper was caught on camera throwing a drink at a Jaguars fan from a luxury box during his team’s shutout loss on Sunday. The NFL has promised to investigate the incident, but it’s hardly the only instance of inexcusable ownership behavior. Here are a few of the incidents that didn’t get publicity but deserve similar public condemnation:

** Browns owner Jimmy Haslam is under federal investigation for illegal payments to boost the value of the company Pilot ahead of its sale. Reportedly, Haslam needed the cash to pay QB Desean Watson even more not to play for his team.

** Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti has been accused of colluding with fellow owners last summer to restrict the market for QB Lamar Jackson, a move designed to save his franchise money. If this one isn’t true, it would mean a lot of GMs who ignored Jackson were just dumb, and we know that can’t be the case.

** Eagles owner Jeffery Laurie has been indicted for causing mass injuries resulting from blood vessels bursting in the heads of Philadelphia fans after his team lost to a 3-12 CARDINALS TEAM FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD.

** Colts owner Jim Irsay last month said he was arrested for driving while intoxicated because police were profiling him as “a rich, white billionaire.” And that’s why you always see Bill Gates being stopped by cops whenever he is in town.

** Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has been drinking the blood of young children and puppies for decades to help him stay alive. The NFL still plans no action to address this.


Cowboys DT Carl Davis has been on seven different NFL teams in his eight-year NFL career, but he appears to have found a long-term home with in Dallas this season. It’s not because of his play — he only has three tackles on the season — but instead the personality and character which he has brought to the locker room since his rookie year. And that, of course, was all spelled out in his name when he was drafted back in 2015:

Rookie Carl Davis
** A sad, virile crook
** A coked visor liar
** A sicko rival doer
** A dark voice roils
** A loser. Avoid, Rick.

Really, all of us should avoid Davis and all the Cowboys, not just Rick. But if there are any Richards in your life, please let them know.

** Congrats to Dad, who won the Garrity Family League handily this week with a 181.18 to 148.32 drubbing of Shelly’s team. It’s only her third loss on the season, but it comes when the games count the most. Before the season, Yahoo picked Dad’s team as the fifth-best out of eight, and Shelly sixth. The expert algorithm also picked Uncle Jim to win the league, and he finished dead last.

I finished third in the standings, just edging out Mom’s infuriating team that won despite never scoring points. That gives me two third-place finishes in three of my fantasy leagues, also known as the bronze “always out of the money” medal. Maybe with a good rally this week I can finish third in the Awesome Cup too.

** Condolences to Dad, who went 1-5 in our weekly picks to drop to minus-16 for the season in the head-to-head contest. He’ll need to pick every single game right this week to force a tiebreaker, which is a tall order considering he’s only batting .586 on the season. But upset miracles do happen, just ask the Cardinals.

** So Jonathan Gannon ended the Eagles season two years in a row. Great. Just great.

** If you didn’t see the conclusion of the Pop Tart Bowl on Dec. 28, please go watch it now. It’ll wash the taste of bad football out of your mouth … and put other tastes in there. 

Week 17 standings

1 — The Best (Jonathan), 2144.31 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 2105.99 pts
3 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 2074.83 pts
4 — Brotherly Shove Squad (Capt Awesome), 2023.68 pts
5 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 1989.71 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1950.69 pts
7 — Standard Deviations (Sam), 1892.02 pts
8 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1878.98 pts
9 — Holiday Hangovers (Paul), 1778.78 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1655.17 pts
11 — Jabronis (Ant), 1613.67 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1601.17 pts

Only two real moves in the standings to chat about this week — Ant climbed out of the cellar and left Joel’s body down there, and I leapfrogged Jo to claim fourth place. Neither of those moves will likely feature in the championship.

In fact, Jonathan has such a commanding lead over most of the field that he could probably bench all of his players and safely beat anyone except Dad and Mom D. As it is, Dad is going to need to outscore our leader by 70 pts this week to claim another Awesome Cup title. Mom D has a better shot at grabbing back-to-back championships, trailing her grandson by only 38.32 pts. But both she and the boy have a lot of players likely to sit this week, making those last-minute roster moves all the more critical.

This is it: your last chance to improve your squad, reach for glory or simply add Nick Foles to your roster because it feels right. Two games are Saturday night, the rest are Sunday. For the final time this season, get those teams ready for one last run onto the field.