Fantasy League 2022 -- week 8 recap

Starting tonight, Philadelphia sports teams will square off against Houston clubs four times in the next three days (and more over the weekend if the World Series goes past game five). In an effort to better prepare you for the competitions, here are a few facts about “Space City” you should know:

— Houston was one of the first capitals of Texas, but the seat of government was moved in 1839 because of problems with drunkenness, dueling, brawling and prostitution in the city.

— Since the Texans began play in 2002, they have never beaten the Eagles (0-5) or the Vikings (0-4).

— Houston’s main exports today are oil, propane and cheating scandals.

— The first baseball game in Houston Astros history took place on April 12, 1965. The home team lost to the visiting Phillies, 2-0. The Houston radio announcer for the game was a young Harry Kalas, who later went on to announce much better games in Philadelphia.

— Some of the best know Houston athletes are former Astros P Andy Petitte (admitted steroid user), former Texans QB DeSean Watson (accused sexual predator), Cougars Coach Kelvin Sampson (suspended five years by the NCAA for cheating), and gymnast Simone Biles (who won all of her gold medals while not being in Houston).

— In 2002, Eagles S Brian Dawkins became the first player ever to record a sack, an interception, a fumble recovery and a receiving TD in a game against the Houston Texans.

 
— Houston is only about three hours away from Dallas, so you know that it’s full of Cowboys fans too.

 

QB: Jalen Hurts, 36.40 pts — started by Mom D
WR: A.J. Brown, 31.40 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 36.43 pts — started by Paul
TE: Tyler Conklin, 20.27 pts — on the wire
K: Nick Folk, 21.00 pts — started by Joel
DEF: New Orleans, 21.00 pts — on the wire
D: Za'Darius Smith, 10.00 pts — on the wire

Brown had his second 150-yds-plus receiving day of the season on Sunday. But unlike the first one — where he had zero TDs — this time he took three trips to the end zone. On the season so far, he’s seventh in WR scoring, but four of the players ahead of him haven’t had their bye week yet. He’s on pace for 1,600 yds this season. The last time the Eagles had a 1,000-yd receiver? Jeremy Maclin, in 2014. Brown may get there before the end of November.

RB Derrick Henry rushed for 219 yds and two TDs in Sunday’s win by the Titans over the Texans and ended up … third in the fantasy RB standings. That’s because McCaffrey rushed for a TD, received a TD and threw for a third TD. And Alvin Kamara rushed for one and caught two more. From weeks 1 through 7, only five RBs topped 30 fantasy points in a single week. This week, five RBs did it on Sunday. Football is weird.

“Extra special teams” edition

3rd place: Deon Jackson, -0.40 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Dee Delaney, -0.50 pts — on the wire
1st place: Richie James Jr., -3.44 pts — on the wire

James wasn’t the only reason the New Jersey Giants lost on Sunday, but he certainly didn’t help. He fumbled two of the six punts he fielded in the game against the Seahawks, and averaged just seven return yds on the others. That ain’t great.

Special shout out to the Bears defense, which recorded a sack and an interception on Sunday and still scored -3.00 fantasy pts, because that’s what happens when your team gives up 49 pts.


** The stupidest thing I heard this week was John Smoltz. Like, every word he said. Every time he told baseball viewers that it was a mistake to throw a pitch down the center of the plate to a good hitter. Every time he said one team couldn’t afford to give up more runs. Everything. I never thought I’d want to hear Joe Buck’s voice on a baseball game again, but here we are.

** Last Thursday night, at halftime of the Bucs/Ravens disaster of a game, former player turned analyst Richard Sherman said he was shocked that Baltimore had relied more on its passing game in the first two quarters rather than its usually-solid run offense.

“You can’t change your game like that,” he said. “You’ve got to fall on the sword you brought.”

Not positive that “you should kill yourself” is the best coaching advice I’ve heard before, but I do think from my rudimentary knowledge of mideval history that knights typically brought swords to fight the other guys, not to use on themselves.

** But for real, the stupidest thing I heard this week was John Smoltz.

The scariest NFL player names for this Halloween:

** Broncos RB Mike Boo-ne
** Chiefs QB Pa-trick Mahomes
** 49ers OT Daniel Bruns-kill
** Dolphins WR Tyr-eek Hill
** Ravens WR Demarcus Robinson (Name anagrams to “murder cabins soon”)
** Bucs DT Willington Pr-evil-on
** 49ers K Robbie Goul-d
** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts

Please note: Hurts was included on the list not because of his last name, but because his play inspires fear in opponents.

Over the summer, the Cowboys signed USC defensive back Isaac Taylor-Stuart as a free agent with an eye towards his speed and athleticism. Sadly for them, he hasn’t lived up to that hype, and has been on the injured list all year. That may seem like simple bad luck, but a cursory view of the letters in his name would have spelled out what a health risk he is:

Dallas CB Isaac Taylor-Stuart
** A stall: Lad is a crusty acrobat

There’s nothing worse than a crusty acrobat, except for maybe an immobile gymnast or a rigid contortionist. None of that really works.

** Picked up another game against Dad on Sunday (thank you, Seahawks) which puts me back up six again. I knew I should have just kicked the extra point instead of going for two.

** Just a quick recap of Ohio State DE J.T. Tuimoloau’s day against the Nittany Lions on Saturday: Two QB sacks, one forced fumble, one pass tipped (resulting in an interception), two interceptions, one interception returned for a TD.

Other than that, though, it was a quiet day.

 


Week 8 standings

Garrity Family Throwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 6-2/1032.00 pts
2 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 5-3/1062.08 pts
3 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 5-3/1015.62 pts
4 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 4-4/1054.04 pts
5 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 4-4/1021.18 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 4-4/926.20 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 3-5/977.48 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 1-7/602.60 pts

It finally happened — the joke team got its revenge. 

Our team of all Cowboys players had a great week, totaling 112.70 pts, which was good enough to upset Mom (although, not if she had remembered to start AJ Brown …). After leading the league earlier this year, her team is in a free fall now. 

Dad managed to climb back into striking distance of the mid-tier pack with his victory over me. And Uncle Jim pulled Elieen back down a little from her top perceh with a key win this week in their head-to-head matchup.

Awesome Cup Standings

1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1,054.49 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1,033.25 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 990.67 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 930.77 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 896.40 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 882.78 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 873.09 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 857.30 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 785.80 pts
10 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 770.46 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 764.34 pts
12 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 760.57 pts

Speaking of people falling down the charts, Joanna’s slide from first continues as Mom D and I became the first teams to pass the 1,000 pts barrier on the season. But the most surprising part of this week was everyone’s scores — 11 of the 12 teams topped 100 pts this week (sorry, Mike). Impressive performances all around from those good RB stat lines.

That fun should end next week. Six teams are on a bye this week, which should make for some messy roster decisions over on Sunday morning. And there are only two 4pm games on Sunday, so … have fun watching Rams vs. Bucs, I guess. Get those rosters addressed early.