The quadrennial World Cup tournament kicked off this week in Qatar with the U.S. national team hoping to make a deep run in the global contest (don’t hold your breath). Soccer remains the most popular youth sport in America but trails far behind in professional sports attention and salaries. But popular opinion of the sport could change in the Philadelphia area instantly if officials tapped some athletic notables from the region for some exhibition games. Consider the options:
Sixers G James Harden — He has an offensive mindset, still has speed up the middle of the court, and is an expert flopper when he grazes an opponent. He’d be a perfect soccer forward.
Eagles QB Jalen Hurts — Hurts is known for running and passing. That’s all soccer is, right? Also there’s a good chance he’d run right through a defender, which can only help with the excitement levels.
Phillies OF Kyle Schwarber — Dude has sneaky speed, including stealing a base in the World Series. Plus he smacks the ball really far, so he could be a good defender to clear out the zone.
Sixers C Joel Embiid — He’s 7 feet tall with a 7-foot-5-inch wingspan. A natural goalie.
Former Eagles WR JJ Arcega-Whiteside — He can’t use his hands for anything useful in football, so maybe a sport where no hands are allowed will be the perfect sport for him.
Leeds MF Brenden Aaronson — Dude is from New Jersey but lives in England now. I dunno, maybe he knows something about how the sport is played.
WR: Davante Adams, 24.90 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Tony Pollard, 30.27 pts — started by Ant
TE: Travis Kelce, 28.67 pts — started by Joel
K: Tyler Bass, 23.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: (tie) New England, 20.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: (tie) Baltimore, 20.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: (tie) Washington, 20.00 pts — started by Bob
D: Maxx Crosby, 12.50 pts — started by Dad
It’s a historic day in the Awesome Cup league of record. For only the fourth time in the last decade, we managed to start every top performer on the week.
But unlike the like last three times, when we went seven-for-seven, this time we went an incredible nine-for-seven, with all three tied defenses getting started by different teams.
It was a group effort, with no team starting more than one top performer. I’m so proud of you all.
The last time we managed to sweep the top performers list was October 2021, a mere 24 fantasy weeks ago. We’ve never had it happen twice in the same season, but there are still seven weeks left. I believe in you all.
“General lousiness” edition
3rd place: Avery Williams, -1.38 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Giants, -3.00 pts — on Joanna’s bench
1st place: Minnesota, -6.00 pts — started by Mike
This is also the first time in league history that we’ve started all the best performers and the absolute worst performer in the same week, so kudos to Mike for helping us reach that achievement.
The Vikings — many pundits’ pick for the best team in football after their chaotic upset of the Bills two Sundays ago — were thoroughly beat down by the Cowboys this Sunday, allowing 40 points while recording zero sacks, turnovers or signs of life in the game. Might be time to revise those power rankings.
Williams is an Atlanta special teams player who recorded 33 return yds and a fumble on the same day that Falcons RB Cordelle Patterson had 147 return yards and a TD to set the NFL’s all-time record for kickoff return TDs at nine. I guess what I’m wondering is, why was Williams fielding kicks at all?
** During NFL games on Sunday, Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum ran a commercial featuring the “Spiced Play of the Week,” which was the Giants coming back from a 20-10 fourth-quarter deficit to win 24-20.
Two problems — first, that’s not a play, that’s five separate offensive and defensive drives by the Giants. Second, that happened on Oct. 16, more than a month ago. So your “Spiced Play of the Week” wasn’t a play and didn’t happen this week. But maybe it was at least spiced, I’m not really sure what that means anyways.
** On Thursday, Amazon Prime color commentator Kirk Herbstreit noted that “the crowd is really playing a factor” as the Titans tried to call out a play during their match-up against the Packers.
It was the first offensive play of the game when he said it. The first one. Like, unless the Titans came out and forfeited, how is the crowd “really playing a factor” before the ball has been snapped once? The Titans didn’t call a timeout. They didn’t have a miscommunication that resulted in a turnover. They just … yelled a little louder. And then won by 10. So I guess they overcame that overwhelming first first-down crowd noise somehow.
The Eagles play the Packers next Sunday night, and I hear the home crowd noise is already playing a factor in Green Bay’s ability to enjoy Thanksgiving.
** Story on NFL.com Sunday night talking about Atlanta TE Kyle Pitt’s knee injury: “If they lose [Pitts] for an extended period, it will be a tough blow for the 5-6 Falcons as they cling to their playoff lives.”
Just another reminder here that the 6-5 Maryland Commies are in fourth place in the NFC East and the 5-6 Falcons are a half-game out of the playoffs in the NFC South and no one is talking about permanently banning that division from playing football ever again even though we should.
It was a group effort, with no team starting more than one top performer. I’m so proud of you all.
The last time we managed to sweep the top performers list was October 2021, a mere 24 fantasy weeks ago. We’ve never had it happen twice in the same season, but there are still seven weeks left. I believe in you all.
“General lousiness” edition3rd place: Avery Williams, -1.38 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Giants, -3.00 pts — on Joanna’s bench
1st place: Minnesota, -6.00 pts — started by Mike
This is also the first time in league history that we’ve started all the best performers and the absolute worst performer in the same week, so kudos to Mike for helping us reach that achievement.
The Vikings — many pundits’ pick for the best team in football after their chaotic upset of the Bills two Sundays ago — were thoroughly beat down by the Cowboys this Sunday, allowing 40 points while recording zero sacks, turnovers or signs of life in the game. Might be time to revise those power rankings.
Williams is an Atlanta special teams player who recorded 33 return yds and a fumble on the same day that Falcons RB Cordelle Patterson had 147 return yards and a TD to set the NFL’s all-time record for kickoff return TDs at nine. I guess what I’m wondering is, why was Williams fielding kicks at all?
** During NFL games on Sunday, Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum ran a commercial featuring the “Spiced Play of the Week,” which was the Giants coming back from a 20-10 fourth-quarter deficit to win 24-20.
Two problems — first, that’s not a play, that’s five separate offensive and defensive drives by the Giants. Second, that happened on Oct. 16, more than a month ago. So your “Spiced Play of the Week” wasn’t a play and didn’t happen this week. But maybe it was at least spiced, I’m not really sure what that means anyways.
** On Thursday, Amazon Prime color commentator Kirk Herbstreit noted that “the crowd is really playing a factor” as the Titans tried to call out a play during their match-up against the Packers.
It was the first offensive play of the game when he said it. The first one. Like, unless the Titans came out and forfeited, how is the crowd “really playing a factor” before the ball has been snapped once? The Titans didn’t call a timeout. They didn’t have a miscommunication that resulted in a turnover. They just … yelled a little louder. And then won by 10. So I guess they overcame that overwhelming first first-down crowd noise somehow.
The Eagles play the Packers next Sunday night, and I hear the home crowd noise is already playing a factor in Green Bay’s ability to enjoy Thanksgiving.
** Story on NFL.com Sunday night talking about Atlanta TE Kyle Pitt’s knee injury: “If they lose [Pitts] for an extended period, it will be a tough blow for the 5-6 Falcons as they cling to their playoff lives.”
Just another reminder here that the 6-5 Maryland Commies are in fourth place in the NFC East and the 5-6 Falcons are a half-game out of the playoffs in the NFC South and no one is talking about permanently banning that division from playing football ever again even though we should.
** Giants QB Daniel Jones has just nine TD passes in 10 starts, so naturally his team is …7-3 and would be in the postseason if the playoffs started today.
** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is on pace for 792 rushing yds this year and could finish as … the fourth best rushing QB in the league. He currently trails Bills QB Josh Allen (on pace for 820), Ravens QB Lamar Jackson (1,132) and Bears QB Justin Fields (already at 834 yds, on pace for 1,418).
** Dolphins WRs Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are first and fifth in the league in receiving yards, respectively. Their QB, Tua Tagovailoa, missed two games due to injury, so he is … somehow 15th in passing yards on the season.
** The Broncos are averaging almost 4 yds a carry on rushes this season … and are the only NFL team not to have any runs of more than 20 yards through week 11.
** The NFC East and AFC East each have four teams over .500. The other six divisions have … six teams over .500 combined.
The Cowboys signed former Utah DE Mika Tafua as an undrafted free agent last summer as a potential piece for their defensive line. But late last week, after an underwhelming performance so far this season, he was cut from the team. It seems like a small but still significant wasted pile of money by the Dallas scouting staff, who could have sniffed out Tafua’s lack of talent if they had simply looked at what the letters in his name obviously spell:
Dallas Cowboys Rookie DE Mika Tafua
** I’m a bad, fat, odious, leaky, wacko loser
I could see signing him if he was just a fat loser, or just a bad loser, or even just a leaky loser. But with all those things combined, it’s baffling what the coaches ever saw in him.
** Dad started out strong with a Thursday night win, but dropped two to me on Sunday in our weekly picks and now sits again at minus-6 for the season. But I applaud his resolve each year to insist that the Jets will find a way to beat the Patriots in New England, even though the last time that happened was 2008.
** “Unstoppable” WR Justin Jefferson had three catches for 33 yds in the Vikings blowout loss to the Cowboys on Sunday. Just saying.
** Honestly, though, there is a not-crazy scenario where all four teams from the NFC East make the playoffs this year. All it would take is some stumbles from the 49ers and a few key tie breaking scenarios between the Commies, Falcons and Saints.
** The Delaware Blue Hens will host the Saint Francis Red Flash in the first round of the FCS playoffs on Saturday. The winner advances to the second round and claims the top spot on the college football color wheel for the next year.
Week 11 standings
Garrity Family Throwdown
1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 7-4/1428.98 pts
2 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 7-4/1393.22 pts
3 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 6-5/1436.60 pts
4 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 6-5/1386.48 pts
5 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 6-5/1348.44 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 6-5/1281.86 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 4-7/1343.52 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 2-9/835.14 pts
It happened again — a blowout by the Cowboys combined with a bad week from Jim equals the second win of the season for our joke team. We may need to re-evaluate this arrangement in the future.
On the other hand, the four highest scoring teams of the week all won, so that’s a welcome change. With just four weeks left, everyone (even Dad) has a chance at making the four-team playoffs. It’s going to be a tight finish.
Awesome Cup Standings
1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1440.86 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1390.87 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1366.93 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1280.61 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1200.24 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1185.89 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1173.71 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1156.59 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1092.31 pts
10 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1064.94 pts
11 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1059.39 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 946.59 pts
Another dominant week from Mom D (159 pts on the nose!) gives her a comfortable 49.99 pts lead in the top spot this week. The next three spots remain unchanged, while Dad continues to creep slowly up the standings into respectable results, but he may still be too far away for a podium finish.
And at the other end? Paul managed what may have been the worst week ever by a real team in the league, with 35.55 pts total — almost what Joe Burrow scored alone this week. It does hurt when you start five players on a bye, plus another one who gets hurt in the first quarter. Still, it’s worth noting that Paul’s bench scored 40.33 pts, so simply replacing all of his starters with his bench would have produced a better result.
Thanksgiving is this week, in case no one told you. That means all 32 teams are playing, but six of them suit up on Thursday for our holiday enjoyment. Get your rosters settled before you start setting the table.
** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is on pace for 792 rushing yds this year and could finish as … the fourth best rushing QB in the league. He currently trails Bills QB Josh Allen (on pace for 820), Ravens QB Lamar Jackson (1,132) and Bears QB Justin Fields (already at 834 yds, on pace for 1,418).
** Dolphins WRs Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are first and fifth in the league in receiving yards, respectively. Their QB, Tua Tagovailoa, missed two games due to injury, so he is … somehow 15th in passing yards on the season.
** The Broncos are averaging almost 4 yds a carry on rushes this season … and are the only NFL team not to have any runs of more than 20 yards through week 11.
** The NFC East and AFC East each have four teams over .500. The other six divisions have … six teams over .500 combined.
The Cowboys signed former Utah DE Mika Tafua as an undrafted free agent last summer as a potential piece for their defensive line. But late last week, after an underwhelming performance so far this season, he was cut from the team. It seems like a small but still significant wasted pile of money by the Dallas scouting staff, who could have sniffed out Tafua’s lack of talent if they had simply looked at what the letters in his name obviously spell: Dallas Cowboys Rookie DE Mika Tafua
** I’m a bad, fat, odious, leaky, wacko loser
I could see signing him if he was just a fat loser, or just a bad loser, or even just a leaky loser. But with all those things combined, it’s baffling what the coaches ever saw in him.
** Dad started out strong with a Thursday night win, but dropped two to me on Sunday in our weekly picks and now sits again at minus-6 for the season. But I applaud his resolve each year to insist that the Jets will find a way to beat the Patriots in New England, even though the last time that happened was 2008. ** “Unstoppable” WR Justin Jefferson had three catches for 33 yds in the Vikings blowout loss to the Cowboys on Sunday. Just saying.
** Honestly, though, there is a not-crazy scenario where all four teams from the NFC East make the playoffs this year. All it would take is some stumbles from the 49ers and a few key tie breaking scenarios between the Commies, Falcons and Saints.
** The Delaware Blue Hens will host the Saint Francis Red Flash in the first round of the FCS playoffs on Saturday. The winner advances to the second round and claims the top spot on the college football color wheel for the next year.
Week 11 standings
Garrity Family Throwdown
1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 7-4/1428.98 pts
2 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 7-4/1393.22 pts
3 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 6-5/1436.60 pts
4 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 6-5/1386.48 pts
5 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 6-5/1348.44 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 6-5/1281.86 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 4-7/1343.52 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 2-9/835.14 pts
It happened again — a blowout by the Cowboys combined with a bad week from Jim equals the second win of the season for our joke team. We may need to re-evaluate this arrangement in the future.
On the other hand, the four highest scoring teams of the week all won, so that’s a welcome change. With just four weeks left, everyone (even Dad) has a chance at making the four-team playoffs. It’s going to be a tight finish.
Awesome Cup Standings
1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1440.86 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1390.87 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1366.93 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1280.61 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1200.24 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1185.89 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1173.71 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1156.59 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1092.31 pts
10 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1064.94 pts
11 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1059.39 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 946.59 pts
Another dominant week from Mom D (159 pts on the nose!) gives her a comfortable 49.99 pts lead in the top spot this week. The next three spots remain unchanged, while Dad continues to creep slowly up the standings into respectable results, but he may still be too far away for a podium finish.
And at the other end? Paul managed what may have been the worst week ever by a real team in the league, with 35.55 pts total — almost what Joe Burrow scored alone this week. It does hurt when you start five players on a bye, plus another one who gets hurt in the first quarter. Still, it’s worth noting that Paul’s bench scored 40.33 pts, so simply replacing all of his starters with his bench would have produced a better result.
Thanksgiving is this week, in case no one told you. That means all 32 teams are playing, but six of them suit up on Thursday for our holiday enjoyment. Get your rosters settled before you start setting the table.
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