— The penalty box: Forget yardage penalties. Next time an offensive lineman holds a guy, he heads to the sidelines for two minutes. Let’s see the QB stay standing with a gaping hole in the middle of his protection.
— Canadian teams: There’s already one NFL team based in Canada (the Buffalo Bills) but why not more? They’re friendly folks.
— Playing on ice: Everyone loves when the Packers take to a snow-covered field in January. Why not make that the standard for the league? Let’s see the Dolphins and Jaguars square off on a skating rink in the middle of 70-degree Florida. Couldn’t be worse than watching them play for real.
— Playoff expansion: The NHL has 16 teams make the playoffs each year. The NFL could .. wait, they probably are gonna expand that much. This doesn’t feel like a joke anymore, nevermind.
— Fighting: Make it a key part of the game. Instead of ejections, offer offsetting penalties and incentivize teams that are down a bunch to take unprovoked, unnecessary swings at the other team. At the very least, it’d be fun to see how well QB Tom Brady can dodge a punch.
WR: Mike Williams, 27.00 pts — started by Bob
RB: Derrick Henry, 31.00 pts — started by Joel
TE: Mark Andrews, 31.30 pts — started by Dad
K: Greg Joseph, 17.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Buffalo, 18.00 pts — started by Mike
D: Kevin Byard, 15.00 pts — started by Sam
I’m so proud of you all.
For the first time since December 2015, our league managed to start all of the top performers on the week. It’s actually only the third time we’ve done it since the start of the 2012 season, and the wait between this time and the last was a whopping 87 fantasy weeks. Here’s what happened during that stretch:
** The Eagles drafted QB Carson Wentz, saw him almost win an MVP, won a Super Bowl, saw him sustain multiple injuries, then traded him away.
** The Patriots won two Super Bowls, lost a third, then allowed their starting QB to leave, giving him a chance to win another in Tampa Bay while they fell out of playoff relevancy.
** The Alabama Crimson Tide went 72-6 and won three national titles.
** The entire Trump presidency happened.
** The New York Jets lost 62 games.
It’s a historic day, folks. Please take a moment to celebrate the achievement and get back out there next week for a chance to repeat history.
“Defenses we started” edition3rd place: Cleveland, -2.00 pts — started by Bob
2nd place: Kansas City, -3.00 pts — started by Jeff
1st place: LA Chargers, -5.00 pts — started by Joel
This is the first time our league has started three defenses that scored negative points since … like, two weeks ago. Ugh, defenses stink this year.
The Chargers and Browns combined for 89 pts on the scoreboard Sunday, which led to a combined -7.00 fantasy pts on the defensive side. So, that’s less than ideal for two teams that had been solid fantasy performers up until this week.
Through five weeks, Kansas City is the worst fantasy defense in all of football, posting a combined -5.00 pts in the last three games and just 3.00 pts on the year. That includes an interception returned for a TD in week 2, a play that was worth 8.00 pts by itself. Take that away and they’re under zero for the season. So a trip back to the Super Bowl might be tricky this time.
** God bless WIP. On Monday, John Marks and Ike Reese opened up their daily show by screaming “VICTORY!” and singing the Eagles fight song. And they followed that up by talking for the next hour about how Jalen Hurts is not a franchise QB, how coach Nick Sirianni is a poor game manager, and how the win really shouldn’t count.
I’m not even saying they’re wrong, I’m just saying that maybe you can ease up a little after a win, guys. Remember the best Mike Schmidt quote ever: “Philadelphia is the only city where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day."
** CBS Radio host Jim Rome, also on Monday: “There’s no such thing as a signature win in October. There’s too much season left, it’s too early for any one game to matter. That said, the Chargers had a signature win on Sunday over the Browns.”
I can’t decide if I’m supposed to believe Jim Rome that October games don’t really matter or Jim Rome that this one October game really mattered. Maybe I’ll just ignore them both.
** Washington Post headline after the weekend’s college football slate: “Some fall Saturdays are crazy. This one was completely bonkers.” Here’s a recap of what the article uses to support that statement:
#1 Alabama lost to unranked Texas A&M.
#3 Iowa won a close game against #4 Penn State.
#6 Oklahoma won a close game against #21 Texas.
#9 Michigan won a close game against unranked Nebraska.
#16 Kentucky won a blowout over LSU.
Unranked Utah beat unranked USC.
That’s … bonkers? Three teams in the top 25 got upset this weekend, and two of them aren’t mentioned in the article. The Alamaba loss was shocking, but sometimes good teams do lose, and it doesn’t qualify as “completely bonkers” when it happens.
Last week, the Washington Post had a headline about the MLB post-season being completely unexpected because two teams not picked in the pre-season to win playoff spots did. This week they’re shocked because of a small number of college football upsets. Maybe the Post sports staff needs to just take a deep breath and not pre-write so many game stories.
The 2-3 Eagles take on the 4-1, Super Bowl defending champions Tampa Bay Bucs on Thursday night. On paper it looks like a mismatch, but don’t listen to the pundits: There are many ways the birds can win this game. Here are a few:
— Brady’s injury: QB Tom Brady reportedly injured his thumb late in last week’s big win over the Dolphins. He’s downplaying the injury now, but what if it turns out to be serious? Backup QB Blaine Gabbert doesn’t strike the same fear in the hearts of defenses.
— The passing game: Eagles QB Jalen Hurts has shown signs of promise in his passing this year, and the Bucs have given up a lot of yards through the air this season. The Eagles haven’t won a real shootout yet this year, but it’s possible.
— COVID: The NFL has said if a team has to cancel a game because of a coronavirus outbreak, it’ll count as a loss. So, maybe all of Tampa players get sick?
— Flight cancellations: Southwest Airlines cancelled several hundred flights this week after (pick you favorite outlandish political reason here). Maybe the Bucs’ private pilot decides to skip town early? You think Brady would agree to an 18-hour bus ride up to Phill on a short week?
— Common sense: Thursday games are stupid, so maybe the players union forces the league to abandon them, and then it accidentally gets recorded as a Philly victory.
WR Simi Fehoko was labeled one of the steals of the draft last spring, because of his size and speed. But so far this year, he hasn’t recorded any meaningful stats for the Cowboys. If they had only taken a closer look at the letters in his name …
Dallas WR Simi Fehoko
** A model: His work fails
** Doom swirls, I flake. Ha!
** Kid film, a loser show
There’s normal evil and then there is lazy evil. Dallas has both.
** Dad and I split our picks this week, so I remain up three for the year. But in a larger sense, I won the weekend, because I had enough sense not to pick the Jets to win back-to-back games, while other, unnamed people did not.
** The Blue Hens lost to Rhode Island this week and that’s enough said about that.
** Speaking of coronavirus outbreaks, TE Dallas Goedert ended up on the COVID list today, so at least he’ll have a reason for disappearing on Thursday night.
Week 5 standings
1 — This Is Fine (Bob). 674.34 pts
2 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 670.16 pts
3 — QB Carousel (Jo), 648.44 pts
4 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 646.09 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 640.11 pts
6 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 621.96 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 617.00 pts
8 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 615.39 pts
9 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 586.75 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 565.10 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 515.49 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 438.05 pts
We’re officially more than a quarter of the way through the season, and there are four distinct tiers in our standings right now:
Lead dawgs: Bob and Mike have opened up a small but healthy lead over the rest of the pack. Now the question is whether they can hold it. Bob’s team has been lead by MVP frontrunner QB Kyler Murray and some solid wideouts, but in the last two weeks he has lost his starting TE (George Kittle), his starting RB (Saquon Barkley) and his backup TE (Maxx Williams). Mike similarly has injuries to his starting RB (Najee Harris), his #3 wideout (Sammy Watkins) and his previous #3 wideout (Sterling Shepard). That’s a lot of beds in the ER to be relying on.
At their heels: Jo, Mom D and Sam are all within one good week from passing the top two. But they’ve also had their good weeks already (in Sam’s case, he led the league this week with an absurd 174.44 pts) and still sit a little ways back.
Within sight of the top: Ant, Jonathan and I have been turning in solid if not spectacular performances of late. But it’ll take more than that to climb up the standings.
Everybody else: There’s almost a 90-pts gap between our top two and our bottom four. It ain’t over until it’s over, but it’s definitely starting to get late for the teams down there.
Along with the Thursday Eagles/Bucs game, remember that bye weeks begin this Sunday, so check your roster early to see what gaping holes the NFL has left there with their predictably bizarre scheduling.
— Brady’s injury: QB Tom Brady reportedly injured his thumb late in last week’s big win over the Dolphins. He’s downplaying the injury now, but what if it turns out to be serious? Backup QB Blaine Gabbert doesn’t strike the same fear in the hearts of defenses.
— The passing game: Eagles QB Jalen Hurts has shown signs of promise in his passing this year, and the Bucs have given up a lot of yards through the air this season. The Eagles haven’t won a real shootout yet this year, but it’s possible.
— COVID: The NFL has said if a team has to cancel a game because of a coronavirus outbreak, it’ll count as a loss. So, maybe all of Tampa players get sick?
— Flight cancellations: Southwest Airlines cancelled several hundred flights this week after (pick you favorite outlandish political reason here). Maybe the Bucs’ private pilot decides to skip town early? You think Brady would agree to an 18-hour bus ride up to Phill on a short week?
— Common sense: Thursday games are stupid, so maybe the players union forces the league to abandon them, and then it accidentally gets recorded as a Philly victory.
WR Simi Fehoko was labeled one of the steals of the draft last spring, because of his size and speed. But so far this year, he hasn’t recorded any meaningful stats for the Cowboys. If they had only taken a closer look at the letters in his name … Dallas WR Simi Fehoko
** A model: His work fails
** Doom swirls, I flake. Ha!
** Kid film, a loser show
There’s normal evil and then there is lazy evil. Dallas has both.
** Dad and I split our picks this week, so I remain up three for the year. But in a larger sense, I won the weekend, because I had enough sense not to pick the Jets to win back-to-back games, while other, unnamed people did not. ** The Blue Hens lost to Rhode Island this week and that’s enough said about that.
** Speaking of coronavirus outbreaks, TE Dallas Goedert ended up on the COVID list today, so at least he’ll have a reason for disappearing on Thursday night.
Week 5 standings 1 — This Is Fine (Bob). 674.34 pts
2 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 670.16 pts
3 — QB Carousel (Jo), 648.44 pts
4 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 646.09 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 640.11 pts
6 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 621.96 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 617.00 pts
8 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 615.39 pts
9 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 586.75 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 565.10 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 515.49 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 438.05 pts
We’re officially more than a quarter of the way through the season, and there are four distinct tiers in our standings right now:
Lead dawgs: Bob and Mike have opened up a small but healthy lead over the rest of the pack. Now the question is whether they can hold it. Bob’s team has been lead by MVP frontrunner QB Kyler Murray and some solid wideouts, but in the last two weeks he has lost his starting TE (George Kittle), his starting RB (Saquon Barkley) and his backup TE (Maxx Williams). Mike similarly has injuries to his starting RB (Najee Harris), his #3 wideout (Sammy Watkins) and his previous #3 wideout (Sterling Shepard). That’s a lot of beds in the ER to be relying on.
At their heels: Jo, Mom D and Sam are all within one good week from passing the top two. But they’ve also had their good weeks already (in Sam’s case, he led the league this week with an absurd 174.44 pts) and still sit a little ways back.
Within sight of the top: Ant, Jonathan and I have been turning in solid if not spectacular performances of late. But it’ll take more than that to climb up the standings.
Everybody else: There’s almost a 90-pts gap between our top two and our bottom four. It ain’t over until it’s over, but it’s definitely starting to get late for the teams down there.
Along with the Thursday Eagles/Bucs game, remember that bye weeks begin this Sunday, so check your roster early to see what gaping holes the NFL has left there with their predictably bizarre scheduling.
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