Fantasy football 2026 -- week 8 recap

If the playoffs started today …

** Lowly Cleveland would be a #4 seed.
** Overhyped LA would be a #5 seed, and would play on the road in the first round.
** Detroit and its fast-paced offense would be a #2 seed.
** Miami would be tied for the final playoff spot in its conference.
** Neither New York team would make the playoffs.
** Philadelphia would be the #1 seed.

Sure, it’s still early, but things are looking great for the Sixers. Exciting play all around.

Wait, what did you think I was talking about? It’s NBA season. Who cares what’s happening in that other sports league?

QB: Joe Burrow, 49.48 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: Tee Higgins, 27.33 pts — started by Pop
RB: Tyler Allgeier, 32.13 pts — on Jo’s bench
TE: Brock Bowers, 21.63 pts — started by Mom D
K: Tyler Bass, 16.50 pts — on the wire
DEF: Tampa Bay, 23.00 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
D: Rayuan Lane III, 10.00 pts — on the wire

Heck of a week for Burrow, who passed for 462 yds and five TDs despite three interceptions and a fumble. His nearly 50-point performance is the top individual score on the year so far, just barely beating out Drake Maye in week 5 (47.46 pts) and Josh Allen in week 2 (46.82 pts). Higgins was the top wideout on the week, but Burrow’s other receiver — JaMarr Chase — was #2 on the week.

More on Tampa Bay later, but the team’s defense has now scored 52 fantasy points over the last two weeks after totaling 37.00 pts in the first six weeks. They’ve totaled eight turnovers and two blocked kicks against two division opponents, which is a good time to wake up and start playing.

Rayuan Lane III seems like it’s probably a made-up name, but I don’t feel like going back in to figure out who that bad collection of letters was supposed to be.

“Ravens QBs” edition

3rd place: Lamar Jackson, 0.00 pts — started by me
2nd place: Joe Fagnano, -0.06 pts — on the wire
1st place: Tyler Huntley, -2.00 pts — on the wire

It was a truly wretched performance for Baltimore passers this week. Jackson appeared for one play before injuring his thumb and leaving the game (and killing my fantasy team). Huntley, the team’s backup, got in just a few more plays before fumbling away the ball and injuring his toe.

That brought in Fagnano, the team’s emergency QB, who managed just 91 yds passing on the day and threw one pick. His QB rating for the day was 39.9, just a hair above the 39.5 you registered (1 pass attempt, zero completions, zero TDs, zero turnovers).

Somehow, Baltimore only lost 36-10, despite being outgained by 282 yds. The team has to take the field again on Thursday. If Fagnano is unavailable to go, the team will be forced to start at QB … oh no … the Eagles seventh strong running back. It’s getting rough out there, folks.

Andy Dalton remains the worst individual fantasy player on the season, at -2.00 pts.


** During Notre Dame’s big win over Navy on Saturday, a livebacker for the Fighting Irish took down a Navy RB on a key third down to force a punt. Notre Dame radio commentator Mike Golic called the play a “picture book tackle” and celebrated the big stop.

Obviously, Mike got caught between “text-book tackle” and “picture perfect tackle.” I get it, these guys have to talk a lot, it’s not the worst thing I’ve heard.

But I did spend the next several hours haunted by what a “picture book tackle” would be. Is there a coffee table book with just shots of linemen dragging running backs to the ground? Is it textless art book showing football players eating turf? Is it “brown bear, brown bear, what do you see, I see a steroid laden safety bearing down on me?”

Anyway, I feel like there’s a business opportunity here, as soon as I can figure it out.

** Colorado beat Kansas State on a walk-off 11-yard touchdown pass in overtime, capping a 27-24 contest that saw seven lead changes and more than 750 yds of offense. After the final play, Colorado fans stormed the field to celebrate with the team.

The question is, why? The win dropped Kansas State to 4-4 and put the Buffaloes at 3-5 — tied for last in the conference. Field storming is for major upsets or franchise-defining wins. This victory deserved a polite golf clap, if even that.

** NBC announcer Mike Tirico wrapped up the first quarter of Sunday night’s game by noting that “The Commanders could be the ones up 10-3 with the way they’ve played so far, but the team keeps making mistakes that are holding them back.”

So, if not for the team’s poor play, they could be playing well? Or are you telling me that the Commanders would be leading if only the Eagles had made mistakes instead of them? Football is too complicated for simple folks like me to understand.

Recapping the stupidest NFL game in 52 years:

** Tampa Bay beat the Falcons 16-0 on Sunday in a game where they had 324 rushing yds and -2 passing yds. They did not complete a single pass in the game (the -2 came from a sack). It’s the first time a “professional” team has won a game without completing a pass since 1974, when the Bills did it.

** QB Baker Mayfield was 0-3 in the game, for zero yds. That means you had as many passing yds and completions as a winning NFL QB on Sunday.

** No other QBs appeared for the Buccaneers, but Mayfield was not the leading passer for his team. That honor goes to Michael Penix Jr. — the Falcons QB — who threw four interceptions which went for 20 yds in returns. To recap, the Bucs receiving corps had zero yds, but the Bucs defensive backs had 20 receiving yds.

** Only four offensive players touched the ball the entire game for Tampa Bay: Mayfield (three passes, four rushes), RB Bucky Irving (27 carries, 170 yds) RB Kenny Gainwell (25 carries, 140 yds), and Center Graham Barton.

** Even though it was obvious what play was coming and who was carrying the ball, the Falcons could not stop the run, allowing 5.8 yds per carry.

** With the win, the Bucs moved to 3-5 — putting them just a half game out of first place, behind the 3-4 Panthers.

The NFL partnered with Rock the Vote again this year to encourage fans to exercise their civic duties and help guide the leadership of this country. The campaign has been going since 2020, and is heavily supported by both team ownership and the players association.

Which is why it’s all the more disappointing that the league did not decide to ban Cowboys defensive tackle LT Overton from taking part in the campaign, given his strong beliefs about how society should and shouldn't work. Just look at what his full name spells out:

Dallas DT Lebbeus Thomas Overton
** Don’t vote. Use bad morals. Stab hell.

It’s not a surprise to me that Dallas players don’t believe in representative government, but it’s hard to fathom that they want to stab even hell itself. Ignore this terrible advice. Get out there and cast a ballot today.

** Even though Dad wasn’t in the country this weekend, he still beat me in our head-to-head picks for the week, going 2-1 in the games we had different. I’ve now fallen two games behind him in the weekly standings, with just nine weeks left to make up the deficit. It feels doable, but not if I keep getting every Falcons game wrong.

** If the Giants go 4-6 over their last 10 games, the Cowboys would have to finish 6-3 to pass them for the NFC East title. The Giants have two games left against the Eagles. And the Cowboys just lost to the Cardinals. So, I’m not sure I’d be putting money on a postseason run in Dallas.

** I dunno, what do you want me to say about the Eagles? They super stink. It’s not fun to watch them. It’s a bad year. We’re headed for the first losing record in six seasons. The Eagles have had more NFC championship game appearances (eight) than losing campaigns (six) since 2000. I’ve kinda forgotten what it is like to follow a terrible team.

** By the same token, the Phillies have won a game more recently than the Eagles. That ain’t good.


Family Cup — Week 8 standings
House Shane: 17-7
House Doyle: 14-10
House Garrity: 9-15
House Quinn: 8-16

Emma’s stampede barely survived the Lamar Jackson disaster this week, squeaking out a narrow win over Tommy despite getting zero points out of the QB slot. That leaves her team in playoff position, along with both of the other House Shane squads (our two highest scorers of the week).

Mike still leads the four-way tie atop the standings at 6-2, by virtue of his 1,104.38 fantasy pts scored this year. But one slip up and Shane, Pop or Jonathan are ready to take his place.

Lexi and Ollie have an inside family fight for the final playoff berth at the moment, with just a few points separating them in the standings. Meanwhile, all of House Garrity is stuck at 3-5, searching for a way to climb up into the upper bracket.

Awesome Cup — Week 8 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 1,047.38 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 977.66 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 970.72 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 941.00 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 918.52 pts
6 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 905.66 pts
7 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 901.68 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 854.66 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 854.40 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 817.24 pts

Monster weeks from teams at either end of the standings — Dad posted 148.13 pts to lead the league, but he only picked up six points on first place, after Jonathan (and Joe Burrow) totaled 142.36 pts. Anthony’s crash allowed Mom D to sneak back up into second place. I could be fighting for there too, if I hadn’t started Lamar Jackson and got a zero from my QB spot (did I mention he killed my fantasy teams?)

As I mentioned, those Ravens are playing on Thursday night, while the Bengals and Falcons will square off early Sunday morning in … Spain? Sure, why not? Only two teams have byes this week (Steelers and Titans) unless you count the Eagles, whose players do not show up for any games. Get those rosters set right away.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 7 recap

We’re seven weeks into the season and it’s pretty clear which division is the dregs of the league.

Only nine wins, and four of those are within the division. Only one team with a winning record. Possibly the worst team in football in last place. Three teams without reliable QBs, and those three teams all have negative point differentials.

Two of these teams were hyped as Super Bowl contenders, and now they all look like a joke. It’s an all-around embarrassment that any of these squads will be allowed into the playoffs. But, those are the rules, as sad as they are. All fans can do is grit their teeth and fight through the awful football in store for the rest of the year.

So shame on you, AFC South, with the 4-2 Jags, 2-5 Colts, 2-5 Texans and 1-6 Titans (pictured above). All of football is horrified by your weak attempts at … wait, you thought I was talking about the NFC East? No. That division has a 4-2-1 Giants team (better record than the Jags) and 11 wins combined (ten and two ties) with six victories outside the division.

Heck, they’re not even the second-worst division — the NFC South has 10 victories and no teams with a winning record. The 3-3 Panthers are in first place. 

Funny how no national stories have been written about how both south divisions are struggling messes. Sorry that the “NFC Least” is having a down year, national pundits. Sometimes it’s hard to keep rolling when your division has 15 playoff wins, three Super Bowl appearances and two championships over an eight-year span.

QB: Joe Burrow, 36.88 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 21.80 pts — started by Bob
RB: Tony Pollard, 34.13 pts — started by Mike
TE: Mason Taylor, 20.63 pts — on the wire
K: Cairo Santos, 15.00 pts — started by Jeff
DEF: Tampa Bay, 26.00 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
D: Blake Cashman, 10.00 pts — on the wire

Pollard had 349 yds rushing and one TD through six games coming into Sunday, with just 47 fantasy pts. But against the Browns — a decent defense — he had 129 yds and three TDs, nearly doubling his fantasy total for the season. His Titans still lost, though. Maybe if he had tried for four TDs, they would have pulled it out.

That performance wasn’t as wild as the Buccaneers, who managed five sacks, four turnovers, two TDs and a blocked kick on defense. They won 43-13 against a better Panthers team, with 20 Tampa points coming off of turnovers.

The New Jersey Jets used the #16 pick in this year’s draft to take a TE, and they saw an incredible performance from Taylor on Sunday: five catches, 62 yds and two TDs. Of course, he isn’t the TE the Jets picked this year — that was Kenyon Sadiq, who had one catch for six yds on Sunday. So, maybe not the best investment.

“Carolina game” edition

3rd place: Jalon Daniels, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: David Moore, -2.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Carolina, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Daniels, who played against the Panthers on Sunday, ended up in negative territory because of meaningless kneel downs at the end of the Bucs big win. Moore, a Panthers wideout, had a fumble on a punt return and did nothing else in the game.

But the Panthers’ defense as a unit did the least work on Sunday: 35 points allowed, no turnovers, no sacks, no signs of life. Carolina has not scored more than 5.00 fantasy points any week this season, except for the 28.00 pts performance against Atlanta in week 2. The NFC South continues to mystify us all.

Andy Dalton continues to be the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.

** During the first quarter of the Lions-Packers game, Green Bay TE broke away from his defender and snagged an easy 14-yard TD pass to tie the game. Fox commentator Tom Brady broke down the play, noting that Kraft’s clever move at the top of his route left him, “as open as a Sunday morning parking lot.”

I get the very forced analogy, since most businesses are closed on Sundays. But you know one really big business that isn’t closed on Sundays? And have overstuffed parking lots, filled with people, with no room to move? PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, TOM.

Of course, good old Tom never had to worry about tailgates or paying for parking at an NFL stadium, so maybe he just doesn’t know that those thousands of fans haven’t been walking to all the games.

** ESPN headline this weekend: “MLB tests out restricted OF shifts in effort to up offense.”

The experiment is happening in the Arizona fall league, where officials mandate where outfielders have to stand before each play starts. The idea “will in theory lead to more doubles and triples.”

You’ll never guess the results: More players are getting hits when the defense is playing out of position. This is the type of high-level scientific thought that only the best sports minds can imagine.

Next up — experimenting to see if throwing only strikes down the middle at under 90 mph makes a difference for hitters.

** Dallas was called for a roughing the passer call early in the second quarter of Monday night which led to a first down inside the red zone and, later, a touchdown for the Eagles. Replays clearly showed a Cowboys defensive tackle pulling QB Tanner McKee down by his facemask. But ESPN commentator Troy Aikman disagreed with the call, saying that he didn’t see much to justify a penalty “other than hitting the quarterback in the head.”

“There’s nothing to support the penalty except for the penalty” is exactly why we have this section of the recap.

At 2-5, the Eagles season is effectively done. But NFL rules mandate that they show up for the remainder of their schedule anyway. Here’s a quick breakdown of the likelihood of a loss for each of the remaining games:

** Week 8 at Commanders: Revenge game for Jayden Daniels, who probably should have won the first. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 9 vs. Giants: Division leaders will need this game to stay in first. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 10 bye: The offense won’t score but the defense may still give up points: 

LIKELY NOT A LOSS
** Week 11 vs Steelers: Pittsburgh has some stupid magic about them again. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 12 at Cowboys: No reason to think the second game will look different from Monday. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 13 at Cardinals: Even if the Eagles were doing well, they always struggle with the Cardinals. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 14 vs Colts: Indy Coach Shane Steichen could be auditioning for the Eagles job. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 15 vs Seahawks: No. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 16 vs Texans: Houston may be the only team left that is more disappointing than Philly. 

LIKELY NOT A LOSS
** Week 17 at 49ers: Hell no. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 18 at Giants: The G-men should be sitting people by this point, so Tanner McKee will get to play against backups again. 

LIKELY NOT A LOSS

4-13, here we come!

Any time the Cowboys travel to Philly, they bring a dark cloud with them. Win or lose (but especially if the Eagles lose), you can feel some of the joy and the heart of the city dissolve just from the presence of pure evil that has descended into the neighborhood. But, that should come as no surprise, given that the darkness such a visit embodies is obvious in the letters of the trip description itself:

Dallas Cowboys team returns to Philadelphia
** Worst day: Hate boils, crime up, no help at all. Sad.

You’d think city officials would have learned by now to put extra cops on the street for these games, but they’re probably overcome by the emotion of the moment too.

** I split my picks with Dad this week, so I remain one behind in our season-long showdown. We’re both barely over .500 for the season, when we usually pick around two-thirds of games correct. It has just been a weird year.

** The Sixers had to lose eventually, right?

** San Francisco opened up its game against the Falcons with a 64-yard TD drive that featured 29 yards rushing from RB Christian McCaffrey and 40 yards receiving from him.

No, you read that right. Not only did no one else help on the drive, McCaffrey actually picked up 69 yards on the 64-yard drive, thanks to a false start penalty on the offensive line. Football stats are dumb.

** Only one undefeated team left in the league, and it’s … the Vikings, who have the fifth fewest points in the league. The Commanders have scored a touchdown more than Minnesota but are 1-4-1. Maybe the Vikings can make it all the way and we can finally see a 3-0 Super Bowl victory.


Family Cup — Week 7 standings
House Shane: 14-7
House Doyle: 12-9
House Garrity: 9-12
House Quinn: 7-14

Game of the week goes to Jonathan’s win over Mike, with the boy prevailing by just 0.30 pts — three rushing yds. This is Mike’s second loss in three weeks, by a combined 1.9 fantasy pts. Tough break, and it leaves us with a four-way tie for first at 5-2: Shane, Dad, Jonathan and Mike. But of that group, Mike has scored 127 more fantasy points than any other team, so perhaps it’s early to be writing about his fall from grace.

If the playoffs were to start today, all of Team Shane would be in, two-thirds of Team Doyle would make it, and Shane would represent Team Quinn. But we’re only halfway through the season, so nothing is set yet.

Awesome Cup — Week 7 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 905.02 pts
2 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 886.55 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 873.15 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 836.93 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 802.62 pts
6 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 802.32 pts
7 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 797.41 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 760.75 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 721.38 pts
10 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 706.27 pts

We’re starting to see our tiers set in place in the standings. Jonathan remains in the lead, but Ant’s week-leading 148.22 pts put him just a step behind in second, and just a step ahead of Mom D’s still solid squad.

After that, it’s a full jump down to my team, and another jump down to the Mike-Joel-Bob group. Beyond that, things are getting sketchy. Pop had an incredible run of bad luck this week, managing only two players who scored in double digits and a defense (49ers) that threw up a -3.00. He managed only 62.62 pts, while the players on his bench totaled 78.74 pts. Ouch. He’d be upset if he was in the country, which he is not.

Speaking of people who should be kicked out of the country, the NFL schedule makers have no international games this week, but we do still have four byes (Texans, Saints, Giants and 49ers) and a Thursday game to navigate. So set your teams early and often.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 6 recap

Here’s a quick recap of the Eagles season so far:

** Traded their #1 wideout before summer camp started.
** Had their Hall-of-Fame RT retire four games into the season.
** Saw their Pro-Bowl running back get injured twice.
** Traded their all-pro center.
** Lost their #2 wideout for two games.
** Lost their starting TE for two games.
** Lost their backup running back.
** Lost their third-string running back.
** Lost their all-pro quarterback for the season to a serious health scare.

Now, here’s a quick recap of the Eagles last decade, including this season so far:

** Won 96 games in the regular season.
** Made the playoffs eight times.
** Won the NFC East four times.
** Saw a 2,000-plus yds season from a running back.
** Saw a 4,000-plus yds season from a QB.
** Saw a WR set a new team record for yards in a season twice.
** Made the Super Bowl three times.
** Won two Super Bowls.

This year sucks, but if we are being honest, it was probably overdue. No NFL success lasts forever. The Eagles have seen incredible performances and limited injuries over the last 10 years, and the significant injuries they did have (Carson Wentz) somehow lead to even higher highs (Nick Foles). If 2026 is the football gods getting payback for the recent past, so be it.

Hopefully Hurts can get back to full health and the Eagles 2027 season can copy the 2026 Chiefs, who have opened their slate at 5-0 after missing the playoffs the previous year. Hope springs eternal, even if it means the end of a great run.

QB: Trevor Lawrence, 35.34 pts — started by Jeff
WR: Tre Tucker, 20.97 pts — on the wire
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 26.53 pts — started by Bob
TE: Kyle Pitts Sr., 18.50 pts — on the wire
K: Chad Ryland, 19.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Titans, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Travis Hunter, 14.93 pts — on the wire

The NFL continues to make no sense. The Jaguars had two top players and lost. Tre Tucker had twice as many TDs on Sunday as he had in the previous five games, and his team lost. The Titans had as many points on Sunday as they had in the previous five games (19.00 pts) and they won … for the first time this year. Chad Ryland and the Cardinals beat the Super Bowl favorite Rams with six field goals and nothing else.

At least Walker makes sense here. The Super Bowl MVP turned Chefs RB has 665 rushing yds on the season and is on pace for 1,884 yds this year, which would be good enough for 12th place all time. Amazingly, the fifth-year back’s best season so far was 1,050 yds in his rookie year. He could pass that before week 11.

Despite that, Walker is still about five fantasy points behind Jahmr Gibbs this season … who had a bye this week. If you got the #1 fantasy pick this season, you really won the lottery.

“That one defense” edition

1st place: (tie) Houston, -1.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
1st place: (tie) Jacksonville, -1.00 pts — started by Mom D
1st place: (tie) Las Vegas, -1.00 pts — started by Ant
1st place: (tie) Buffalo, -1.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) New Jersey Giants, -1.00 pts — on the wire

Six teams surrendered more than 30 points this week, but the Falcons’ defense actually managed to end up in positive territory (3.00 pts). The rest of this crowd wasn’t so lucky.

Most of these teams boast pretty mediocre defensive squads, so their malaise isn’t much of a surprise. But shout out to the Texans — who were supposed to be an elite defensive team this year — who posted their second negative score in six games and are averaging just 5.33 fantasy pts a week. That’s just ahead of the Giants and Saints, who are … not good.

Former Eagles QB Andy Dalton remains the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.


** Ringer NFL reporter Tom Pelissero put out this tweet on Monday morning: “How committed is Jalen Hurts to football? After initially being diagnosed with a superficial blood clot in London, doctors told him not to sleep as a precaution, so he had been awake for roughly 36 hours when he started against the Jaguars, throwing for 220 yards and a TD.”

There are so many levels of stupid here, I’m not sure who to be angry with. How is someone healthy enough to play football but not sleep? How did the medical team think it was OK for any player who had been awake for 36 hours to absorb tackles? How does this guy think that shows commitment and not malpractice? How did the Jaguars allow 220 yds passing to a player who was asleep on his feet?

I think Hurts will do everything he can to get back onto the football field again, but he also might want to start talking to some lawyers about a legal action against the team.

** During Saturday’s Alabama-Tennessee football game, Crimson Tide radio color analyst Chris Stewart was livid over a non-call during a punt return that he thought should have been a 15-yard facemask penalty.

“The ref was standing right there,” he exclaimed. “He saw the Tennessee player grab the back of his helmet during the tackle. But he didn’t throw a flag.”

I know they make them a little slower in Alabama, but I kinda thought the facemask penalty was self-explanatory. For the officials to call it, a defender has to grab the front of the helmet … where the facemask is located. Maybe they could have called a personal foul for illegal use of the hands or a horse collar tackle or something else, but not a facemask.

In related news, the referees in the game didn’t call the Volunteers’ defense for intentional grounding a single time in the game, despite all the plays where they batted balls into the turf.

** We’ve just got one more week of football games to survive before the “FOXTOBER” and “FOXTOBERFEST” ads are finished. Hang in there, I know we can all make it.

Next week’s Steelers-Saints tilt will be the first ever NFL game played in Paris, a city known for its openness to outside cultures and boisterous foreigners. To help those francophiles better embrace America’s favorite pastime, here are actual translations for a few key American football terms, according to some bad Google translate research:

** Line of scrimmage: La ligne de mêlée
A much more beautiful and elegant phrase. Plus it has extra hash marks throughout, just like the NFL field.

 
** Fumble: Un échappé
The whole word looks like a mistake, so, bravo.

** End zone: La zone des buts
In fairness, you do usually need to get your butt into the end zone to score a TD.

** Center: Le porteur de ballon
“The man who carries the balloon” sounds like a silent french film about love and loss.

** Onside kick: Le coup de pied de coin
That’s just a pile of nonsense. So, again, well done with that translation.

** The Browns: La Merde
Some things are understood in any language.

Amid all the NFL chaos, this week presented a great lesson in the deeper truth behind the weekly insult anagrams. These aren’t just random, humorous ways to poke fun at a division rival. This is science. This is fact. And one key personnel move this week reinforces the entire exercise.

Shortly after the Eagles announced the Hurts injury, the front office signed Cowboys practice squad player Joe Milton to their roster to bolster their QB room. Milton, as you remember, was featured in the anagram insult for week 15 last year:

 
Dallas Backup QB Joe Milton III
** Skilled? Baa. I complain, quit job

Cute phrasing, good for a laugh, right? No. It was much more than that. It spoke to the laziness and evil festering within the Cowboys organization. How can we prove that? Just look at what Milton’s name anagrams into with a small employment change:

New Eagles Backup QB Joe Milton III
** Epic job, likable wages, no quit in me.

It’s like he’s a totally different person now, waking up to a new NFL life. And it is all thanks to getting away from the moral cesspool that is the Dallas organization. I welcome Milton to his new reality and hope that the echoes of his former prison no longer haunt him at night. And I hope others on that awful team can experience the same kind of joyous rebirth at some point in their lives.

Except for Michael Irvin, we all know he eats children.

** I went 1-2 against Dad this week, so I’m back to two down on him for the year. But one of those mistakes on my part was picking the Cowboys to beat the Packers, so I am pleased with my ignorance just this one time.

** The Flyers finally won some games, so now they’re just a normal embarrassment, not a historic embarrassment. But the NFC East is now 0-6-2 since the Phillies were knocked out of the playoffs. It’s the first time since realignment in 2002 that all four teams in a division have failed to record a win in consecutive weeks.

** I want credit for getting to week 6 without making a joke that the Jacksonville starting running back is “B. Tuten.” It would have been easy to let that one out, but I held it in.


Family Cup — Week 6 standings
House Shane: 12-6
House Doyle: 10-8
House Garrity: 8-10
House Quinn: 6-12

House Shane went a perfect 3-0 this week in its games, pushing the family to the top of the standings. But Mike of House Doyle continues to lead the league with the only 5--1 record and an almost 70-point edge over the next highest scoring squad.

Shelly and Lexi are the second and third-highest scoring teams but somehow both have 2-4 records, which just feels unfair. Shane of House Quinn is starting to develop back problems from having to carry his family’s reputation all on his own…

Awesome Cup — Week 6 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 791.63 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 750.28 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 738.33 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 705.33 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 704.39 pts
6 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 701.20 pts
7 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 685.33 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 653.99 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 643.65 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 597.12 pts

 
No crazy scores this week, but solid 120-plus-pts weeks for my team, Mike’s team and Bob’s wrecking crew shifted us up the rankings. Anthony stuck in third but had a terrible week, thanks to the Dallas choke job against the Packers (and his many, many Cowboys on the team). Mom D also slid back with her first sub-100-pts week of the season.

All that leaves us back where we have been far too often in recent years: Looking up at the boy, who has a 41-point lead on the field. I’m sure he’ll have something really nice to say in the next few days about the person who reminded him to set his roster on Thursday and Saturday night.

Speaking of setting your roster, set your roster for next week. We've got another Thursday game, another early Sunday game, another set of four byes (including the Bills, so say “bye” to those points). The Jaguars get the week off after two consecutive games in London, I assume to make sure their medical staff didn’t miss any life threatening injuries to their stars while they were figuring out the metric system. And the Chargers are on a bye, but they have already fallen behind 0-7 to their nonexistent opponent. Some years are just like that.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 5 recap

Another week, another set of key injuries for the Eagles: After third-string RB turned starter Will Shipley went down with a foot injury on Sunday, the birds were forced to turn to practice squad player Dameon Pierce to finish out the game. Shipley — like Tank Bigsby and Saquon Barkley — may miss multiple weeks, and Pierce only picked up 14 yds on 11 carries, forcing the team to consider other options for their running game. Here are a few of the ideas on the table:

** Jaydon Blue: He’s on the practice squad and his position is running back. At this point, that makes him as qualified as anyone.

 
** Jalen Hurts: He isn’t doing much at the QB post. Let’s try Tanner McKee taking the snaps and seeing if Hurts remembers how to use his legs.

** Lane Johnson: Maybe he retired because he was bored with just blocking on runs and never getting to hold the ball. The line would definitely try harder for him.

** Miles Sanders: They brought Zach Ertz back. Sanders isn’t doing anything else right now, and would at least get a polite round of applause from the crowd.

** Cooper DeJean: He plays every other position, so why not try this one too? Can’t be worse than 11 carries for 14 yds.

** The remains of Saquon Barkley: Whatever condition he is in, he’s really a better choice than everything else on the table.

QB: Drake Maye, 47.46 pts — on Joel’s bench
WR: Puka Nacua, 24.60 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 33.33 pts — started by Joel
TE: Isaiah Likely, 23.77 pts — started by Joel
K: Jason Meyers, 23.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Green Bay, 19.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
D: Gracen Halton, 13.40 pts — on the wire

Welp, you all tried your best. It’s not your fault only Joel had good players this week. He started Jared Goff — the #2 highest scoring player of the week — instead of Maye, and also started the #2 RB (Jaylen Warren, 30.90 pts) along with Gibbs. He also had the #2 defense (Houston, 18.00 pts) but left them on his bench.

Gibbs is averaging 26.42 fantasy pts a week so far this season, which is insane for a non-QB. But that all ends next week, because … the Lions have a bye.

Ravens QB Tyler Huntley started in the place of Lamar Jackson on Sunday and guided his team to a win, throwing two TD passes. Meanwhile, Titans QB Cam Ward — the #1 overall draft pick in 2025 — has three TD passes in five games. He has one fewer win on the season than Huntley.


“Should have stayed home” edition

3rd place: Jacob Cowing, -0.44 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tua Tagovailoa, -0.64 pts — on the wire
1st place: Kenyon Sadiq, -0.80 pts — on the wire

Sadiq, the TE the Jets drafted in the first round last spring, has had a fascinating start to his season. He has 12 catches for 143 yds and two TDs in his first three games. Since then? Two catches for three yds, one fumble and one concussion. And that line was all this Sunday — in week 4, he had zeroes all around.

Not on the list of the worst fantasy performers, but bizarrely bad nonetheless: The 49ers beat the Seahawks 32-29 on Sunday, but don’t compliment the offenses for that output. Seattle had 17 points off of three San Fran turnovers, while the 49ers had 21 points off of four Seahawks giveaways. If either team had any ball security, the matchup could have been a 14-13 game.

The Cowboys remain the worst fantasy defense in the league, with 2.00 total points through five weeks. Former Eagles QB Andy Dalton remains the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.


** After that ridiculous 27-27 contest between the Giants and Commanders on Sunday, New Jersey Coach John Harbaugh addressed the surprising result with reporters:

“I told the guys, ‘Was it a win? No. Was it a loss? No. It was a tie.’ How does that make you feel? I'm happy it wasn't a loss and I'm sad it wasn't a win, so that's how I feel.."

Such insight. Such inspiration. It’s that level of clear, precise messaging that moves players to achieve the kind of result we saw in that game.

** On the other side of the field, Commanders QB Jayden Daniels took responsibility for the boneheaded move to not stop the clock for a game-winning field goal in overtime, adding “that’s on me.”

That was a little odd, because Maryland Coach Dan Quinn just moments before said he hadn’t properly communicated the situation to his players, adding “that’s on me.”

 
However, after the Commanders loss to the Eagles in week one, Daniels took blame for missed opportunities with his receivers earlier in the contest, adding “that’s on me.”

But in August, even before the season began, Commanders S Jeremy Reaves acknowledged defensive communication breakdowns in the secondary in practice, and said he needed to step up, adding “that’s on me.”

I dunno. Maybe this team should stop rushing to embrace the blame and start actually fixing their problems.

** Eagles Coach Nick Sirianni, after Sunday’s loss, offered his own version of “that’s on me” to reporters:

“Bad job by me,” he said. “I think it's so important for every person to take accountability because that's the only way you get better. You build trust that way. I just think that's the key core value to our program, accountability.”

I dunno, Nick. Maybe you could make the core value of the Eagles’ team SCORING POINTS OR RUNNING A COMPETENT OFFENSE. But accountability is nice too.

The New York Islanders opened this season with a new culinary delight for their fans: a grilled-cheese sandwich made with brie and nerds gummy clusters. (No, I’m not kidding) The sandwich drew immediate condemnation from all good-hearted people for its ungodly concept, but the controversy overshadowed a host of new dishes that NFL teams have been rolling out through the first month of play:

** Los Angeles Chargers: Herbert’s Sherbert
Named for the team’s starting QB, it’s a bland and boring two scoops of coldness. But all the NFL pundits think it’s the best dessert ever.

** Philadelphia Eagles: Oversized, spicy hot dogs
These are too big and too hot to swallow, so they are not safe to eat. But what would a birds’ game be this season without choking dogs?

** Arizona Cardinals: Bird Droppings
It’s melted vanilla ice cream over “leaves” of colorful nacho chips. It seems like it should be interesting, but it’s just kinda mushy and dumb, like the play on the field.

** Seattle Seahawks: Northeast Bloody Marys
They’re just standard bloody marys, but they are specifically marketed to help with a Super Bowl hangover.

** Miami Dolphins: Plates and plates of sadness
The good news is that it comes free with the purchase of a home game ticket. The bad news is that fans never seem to eat it all up.

One of the keys for the poor Dallas defensive play has been their personnel — they simply do not have good players on that side of the ball. Take their secondary: They just had to trade for a new cornerback because their depth at the position is poor. Until last week, one of their regulars at defensive back was Ameer Speed, whose name implies some needed skill … until you look at little closer at all the things it actually spells out about him:

CB Ameer Speed
** Embraces deep
** December’s ape
** Me based creep
** Escaped ember
** Beseemed crap

Honestly, if you sign a pile of beseemed crap to play for your team, you get what you paid for.

** I managed to pick up one more game against Dad in our weekly picks contest, leaving me just one behind for the season. Dad’s hatred of the Patriots led him to have false belief in the Raiders fast start, an emotional pick I can understand but not support.

** There have been 31 regular season ties since the NFL added overtime in 1974. Somehow three of those have been games between the New Jersey Giants and the Washington whatevers. Eleven of the 31 have involved NFC East teams. I dunno, maybe there is something in the water here.

** Philadelphia teams are 1-12 since the Phillies clinched their playoff berth. Just, ouch.


Family Cup — Week 5 standings

House Doyle: 9-6
House Shane: 9-6
House Garrity: 7-8
House Quinn: 5-10

Down goes our final undefeated and undefeated teams. Shelly (who may or may not be managing her team?) put up just barely enough points to stay ahead of Mike’s super squad, winning by just 1.6 fantasy pts. That, coupled with House Shane’s sweep of its matches this week, puts the house standings in a tie for the first time this season (and maybe ever? I dunno, I don’t feel like opening last year’s standings right now).

Meanwhile, Tommy took his frustrations out on his grandmother, thumping her team for his first win of the season. That means that no team is more than three games out of first at the moment, meaning the playoffs and the championship is still well within reach.

Awesome Cup — Week 5 standings

1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 673.96 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 663.39 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 655.23 pts
4 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 601.10 pts
5 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 582.71 pts
6 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 577.72 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 569.05 pts
8 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 557.77 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 535.58 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 482.55 pts

Joel scored an amazing 186.49 pts on the week, and it could have been even better — he left 29 fantasy pts on his bench, since he picked the wrong QB and defense. Still, it’s hard to feel sad for him when he jumped up from 8th place to 4th in a single week.

But all that still leaves Joel 72 pts out of first place, which is now held by Jonthan … again. He overcame a 30-point deficit to his grandmother last week to steal the top spot, putting up 158.17 pts. Don’t worry — he’ll have some real work to keep that perch next week, when his QB and K go on a bye.

Speaking of next week, we’ve got four byes, a Thursday game of note (Seattle vs. Denver) and yet another London game featuring the hometown Jaguars. Hit the waiver wire early, it’s gonna get ugly quick out there.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 4 recap

The Eagles could be without six opening day starters on just the offense when they take the field on Sunday. Saquon Barkley, Cam Jurgens, Landon Dickerson, DeVonta Smith and Dallas Goedert are all questionable to play. Lane Johnson just retired. And backup RB Tank Bigsby is headed to the injured reserve. Zack Baun, Quinyon Mitchell and Jonathan Greenard were the Philly defensive players on the injury list on Monday. To be honest, I was scared to look today to see what other names were added.

With a casualty list like that, the Eagles have limited options for approaching a big contest against the Jaguars. But there are a few options to work around those health issues and come out strong:

** Clone WR Darius Cooper, field three of him as the receiving corps next week.
** Invest in duct tape, that fixes almost everything.
** Sign two sumo wrestlers as tackles, run the tush push on every play.
** Stop holding practices on ancient native American burial grounds.
** Give up on the running game. It’s not like it has worked at all anyway.
** Look into hiring some competent medical staff.

QB: Drake Maye, 32.16 pts — on Joel’s bench
WR: Tetairoa McMillan, 31.80 pts — started by Jo
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 30.33 pts — started by Bob
TE: Sam LaPorta, 15.60 pts — started by Pop
K: Will Reichard, 19.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: New Jersey Giants, 14.00 pts — on the wire
D: Deonte Banks, 10.50 pts — started by Jeff

Walker is the reigning Super Bowl MVP, so maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s leading the league in rushing yards. But last year’s success came when he was playing for the Seahawks. This year, Walker is racking up rushing stats thanks to playing in the Chiefs offense led by … Andy Reid? The guy who never calls a running play? Kansas City is first in the league in rushing yards and first in yards per carry. In other news, nothing makes sense anymore.

Reichard kicked five field goals on Sunday in the Vikings 15-10 win over the Dolphins, which was their second win this season without scoring a TD. Meanwhile, the Eagles finally scored points in the first quarter, hung up 20 in the first half, and still lost.

Only six QBs have scored 100-plus fantasy points so far this season, and Drake Maye isn’t one of them. But Raiders QB Kirk Cousins is: He is tied for the league lead with 11 touchdown passes. Again, nothing makes sense in the NFL.

“Getting defensive“ edition

3rd place: Raiders, -1.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Dallas, -1.00 pts — on Jeff’s bench
1st place: New Orleans, -5.00 pts — on the wire

In the Monday night game, Falcons RB Bijan Robinson had 145 yds rushing and two TDs against the Saints but Falcons backup RB Brian Robinson had 62 yds rushing and three TDs. Pretty much any B. Robinson could score at will against that team.

The Cowboys revamped defense has been a delight to watch so far this season. The unit is worth 1.00 fantasy pts through four games (that’s an average of 0.25 pts per game if you are scoring at home) and is the only team in the league not to record an interception. They’re tied for last in turnovers and have allowed the fourth most points of any team, at 28 per game. Yet somehow this dumb team is still 2-2.

Eagles backup QB Andy Dalton remains the worst player on the year, at -2.00 total pts.


** In the second quarter of the Commanders/Colts game early on Sunday morning, Indianapolis QB Daniel Jones took the snap, quickly turned to his left and threw a pass into the ground about five yards ahead. The Commanders’ defense called for an intentional grounding flag, but the refs declined. The announcing crew turned to rules analyst Walt Anderson for an explanation, since the pass didn’t go out of bounds, the QB was still in the pocket, and no receiver was in the area. His response?

 
“You have to be under duress for it to be intentional grounding,” he said. “And in this case, I just didn’t see that.”

 
To translate: Jones didn’t throw the ball away to avoid a sack. He just really, really sucks.
I feel like patently offensive gameplay should be a penalty, but if that were the case, half of the teams in the league might never make it past midfield.

** Fox has started promoting NFL games this month as part of “FOXTOBERFEST” and honestly I think my brain forgot what letters mean just looking at that word.

** At the start of the Eagles/Rams game, the Fox broadcast crew featured “players to watch” in the upcoming contest. Their picks were Rams QB Matt Stafford and Eagles QB Jalen Hurts.

 
Oh, you mean the two guys who were gonna handle the ball on 95 percent of the plays in the game? I should pay special attention to them? Thanks for the heads up. I was planning on focusing the practice squad players on the sideline, but those suggestions seem like a better plan.

I just wish they had offered more specifics about when to watch them. I spent nearly every Eagles possession wondering why Stafford couldn’t complete any passes. I also wondered that about Hurts when the Eagles offense was on the field, but that’s a separate issue.

Sunday will mark the Eagles second trip to London to play as part of the NFL’s international schedule of games. They’ll play the Jaguars, who they defeated by a 24-18 tally in their 2018 contest in the United Kingdom.

 
Jacksonville has played at least one game in London every year since 2013 (except in 2020, there’s always an “except in 2020,” we all know what happened then), and they have two scheduled there for this season. Rumors have swirled that the Florida squad could become the first NFL franchise partially based overseas, but the biggest obstacle to that plan is the mascot: The Jaguars make no sense for an England-based team. But here are a few possible options to keep in mind as you watch this weekend’s contest:

** The Jacksonville/London Badgers — Eurasian badgers while overseas, good old American rodents back stateside. 

 ** The Jacksonville/London Drizzle — Fits for either location.
** The Jacksonville/London Monarchs — The mascot could be a prince holding a butterfly.
** The Jacksonville/London Expatriates — Honestly, neither city is really part of America.
** The Jacksonville/London Money Grabs — Would be the most accurate pick.

 
The Cowboys defense continues to be a complete mess of a unit, so the front office this week traded two draft picks to acquire Joey Porter Jr., a contract holdout on the Steelers. Porter hopes to be happier in his new situation, but a quick review of the facts — and the letters in his name — show that’s unlikely to be the case:

Dallas trades for a veteran CB: Joey Porter Jr.
** No travel joy: rapt tears, braced jeers for lad.

Through four games, only two teams have allowed more points than the Cowboys, who are surrendering four TDs and extra points per contest. But the important thing is that they are trying very hard … and that they still are terrible.

** I went 2-1 against Dad in picks this week, which leaves him up two in the standings for the year. In related news, I’m 2-10 in picking Giants, Browns and Raiders games this season. I may have to pick them to finally win something.

** Since the Phillies clinched a playoff spot on Sept. 27, Philadelphia teams are 1-8. Maybe it would have been better to just accept the regular season choke and not curse the whole city’s sports scene?



Family Cup — Week 4 standings
House Doyle: 9-3 

House Shane: 6-6 

House Garrity: 5-7 

House Quinn: 4-8 

We’re down to one undefeated team and one winless squad after Jonathan took down Shane and Grandmom Shane upset Pop. Mike is 4-0 and has the most points scored through four weeks, while Shelly is holding onto the cursed seat right now: second in scoring, but 1-3 on the season because she’s also second in points allowed. The good news is this is still early in the year, no one is more than two games out of the playoffs yet. But the calendar will turn from October to November before you know it…

Awesome Cup — Week 4 standings
1 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 545.14 pts
2 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 515.79 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 514.56 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 490.63 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 481.84 pts
6 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 466.18 pts
7 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 458.00 pts
8 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 422.20 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 414.61 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 366.88 pts

 
Anthony and his Cowboys-led squad were the top scorers for the week, putting up a whopping 160.07 pts and jumping into bronze medal position. Six teams posted more than 125 fantasy points (which made my crew’s 131.60 pts less impressive), but Mom D retains her comfortable grip on first place for another week. On the other end, Pop finished with the lowest total of the week in both leagues, and he can’t even blame the Eagles (well, Saquon, but that’s it).

Week 5 marks the start of everyone’s favorite fantasy football feature: bye weeks! Just two teams are off this time — the Chefs and Panthers — but there is a Thursday game plus that early Sunday morning Eagles game overseas. So if you want to get any birds in your starting lineup … go get your head checked, you may have a concussion. 

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 3 recap

The bad news is that after three weeks of play, the Eagles remain the only team in the NFL not to score any points in the first quarter. The good news is that the last time the Eagles had an opening-game run like this was in 2024, when it took until week 8 for the birds to get any first quarter points. That season ended up OK.

But the early ineptitude raises an important question: Why do the Eagles hate fast starts? It comes down to a variety of strategic decisions by the coaching staff designed to maximize team success:

— They are conserving energy for the fourth quarter, when the scoring matters more.
— They don’t want to set unrealistic offense expectations for the fans.
— The air on the field is actually heaviest during the first quarter, before the players inhale and exhale it to make it easier to move through.
— The team prefers a challenge.
— All the clocks in the locker room run 15 minutes behind.
— They are really bad at game planning.

 

QB: Brock Purdy, 39.28 pts — started by Mom D
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 26.09 pts — started by Bob
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 36.73 pts — started by Joel
TE: George Kittle, 20.47 pts — started by Jonathan
K: Spencer Shrader, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Jaguars, 19.00 pts — started by Mom D
D: Talanoa Hufanga, 14.50 pts — on the wire

Another week, another top performers award for JSN. I’m starting to think that last year’s top wideout might be good.

Hufanga had a sack, two interceptions, and a return for a TD in the fourth quarter alone of Denver’s comeback win against the Rams Sunday night. His only negative play in the game was when he got a five-yard penalty for excessive use of the letter “a” in his name.

By the way, Mom D also had the second-best RB on the week (Bijan Robinson, 33.67 pts) and the second-best TE (Juwan Johnson, 20.03 pts), so things went OK for her team.

“Eagles” edition

3rd place: Eagles, 0.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tank Bigsby, -1.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Andy Dalton, -2.00 pts — on the wire

It’s not every week you can get three bonafide losers from the same team, but Philadelphia buckled down and got it done on Monday night. The much vaunted defense had its third disappointing effort in three weeks, and is now worth 7.00 fantasy pts for the year. For comparison, the Vikings defense is the top fantasy play, worth 46.00 pts.

Bigsby, who was great in injury relief last week, had one catch for five yds that ended in a back-breaking fumble on a day when Saquon Barkley was actually running the ball well. But the top price of the week goes to 75-year-old Andy Dalton, who inexplicably remains on the Eagles roster despite bringing no real skills to the table. He threw just one pass in the game — that awful, awful end zone interception that looked like he was aiming for the defense.

For the season so far, Dalton has the lowest fantasy score of any individual. Hopefully he never gets in the game again to improve on that tally.


** Giants QB Jameis Winston was asked before Sunday’s game against the Titans how confident he was in stepping into a leadership role for the team after the injury to starter Jaxon Dart last week. His response was … a lot.

 
"One thing that I do is forgetting those that is behind and reaching forward to what's ahead," he said. “I'm so grateful that we get to focus on winning one play at a time. The circumstances, conditions, and facts, they don't matter. It's us, doing, being doers, not speakers.”

Ignoring that a QB needs to be aware of everyone behind them — forgetting those folks is a great way to get destroyed by a blind-side pass rush — I would agree that facts really don’t seem to matter anymore. Winston and his team won, so congrats to the doers out there.

** Before the season began, USA Today picked the Eagles as the #5 defense in the league and said they had “one of the NFL's strongest interior defensive line rotations” of any team. So, you know remember not to trust their opinions next year.

** Maryland Commies coach Dan Quinn said Monday that QB Jayden Daniels will travel with the team to London and practice this week as he comes back from a dislocated left elbow.

Remember that Daniels suffered three injuries last year, including twice dislocating his left elbow, which forced him to miss 10 games. But, hey, I’m sure this time they will bring him back only when he's ready and not rush the process.

The Miami Dolphins lost RB De’Von Achane to a season-ending knee injury this week, causing major problems for their already anemic offense. In fact, Achane may have been the only player on that side of the ball that a casual fan can name. So it’s time for another quiz: Can you tell which of these names is a wideout from Miami's professional football team, and which are names of staffers at the Dolphin Research Center in the Florida Keys?

S. Lindley

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

M. Washington

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

C. Bell

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

S. Henriques

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

J. Tolbert

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

C. Douglas

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

J. Zimmerman

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

C. Florence

Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher

As always, the quiz doesn’t actually work. So here are the answers:

Malik Washington, Chris Bell, Jalen Tolbert and Caleb Douglas have combined for 24 catches for the nearly anonymous on-field offense. Susan Lindley, Sheila Henriques, Joanne Zimmerman and Celie Florence have been providing sanctuary for marine life since the mid-1980s. None of the eight are very good at football, although Sheila has some underrated speed. 


The Cowboys suffered a shocking, last-second loss to the Ravens on Sunday in the first-ever NFL game played in Rio de Janeiro. But, as always, the result would not have been a surprise to anyone who just looked at the facts and saw the obvious outcome spelled out there:

Dallas Cowboys travel to Rio
** Evil crawl to a loss today, bro

Did you know that the Cowboys have never won a single game in South America in the history of their franchise? The Eagles are undefeated on that continent, for what it’s worth.

** I went 0-2 against Dad this week to fall three behind him in our prognostication standings. Thanks, Giants. Time for me to start forgetting those that are behind and reaching forward to what's ahead.

** The Vikings are 3-0. The entire NFC South (Panthers, Saints, Falcons and Buccaneers) is 3-9.

** Per my Ohio sources: This was the first time the Browns, Cleveland Guardians and Ohio State Buckeyes won in the same weekend since 2001. Plus, Michigan lost. Pretty good midwest day all around.

** The Phillies … oh, the Phillies.
(Please note — I wrote the above line Monday night, just assuming the outcome would be upsetting.)

Family Cup — Week 3 standings

House Doyle: 7-2 

House Shane: 5-4 

House Quinn: 3-6 

House Garrity: 3-6

 
Another week, another brutal loss for Shelly — her team is second in scoring but 1-2 on the season after running into two 140-plus-pts performances from Team Doyle. Jonathan similarly would have beaten seven other teams this week but instead ran into Lexi’s buzzsaw, dropping him to 1-2. The only undefeated teams left are Mike and Shane, and the only winless teams are Grandmom Shane and Tommy. Team Quinn is all over the map right now.

Awesome Cup — Week 3 standings

1 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 418.96 pts
2 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 382.87 pts
3 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 359.03 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 354.49 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 350.24 pts
6 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 338.25 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 331.30 pts
8 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 327.88 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 317.60 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 271.36 pts

Huge weeks for Mom D (166.39 pts) and Jonathan (140.18 pts) moved them up into the top two spots, while my banged up team barely made it over 100 pts again. Dad would have salvaged his week if Barkley could have found the end zone for the first time this year, but a lot of life would be different if Barkley could find the end zone.

Speaking of life, the NFL doesn’t want you to pay attention to your real life. Steelers and Browns play on Thursday, and we have our first early morning international game on Sunday, where the good people of London have to watch a bad Colts team play the remains of the Commanders. And for some reason, three NFC South teams are playing in the two featured games Sunday and Monday night. Get your rosters set before the anger overwhelms you.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 2 recap

Sunday’s last-minute Eagles victory over the Titans was the first win for the birds in Tennessee ever, and the first against the Titans/Oilers franchise since 1991. But it was hardly the only milestone of significance in the win:

** That game-winning score with less than 10 seconds left was WR Darius Cooper’s first NFL touchdown catch. The wideout from Tarleton State made the team last year despite being an undrafted rookie.

** The Eagles opened the game with three drives of 10 plays or more, the first time they have accomplished that level of sustained offense in the 21st century.

** Rookie WR Makai Lemon had his first game with positive yards on Sunday. His 14 yards on a single catch in the first half was a marked improvement from his three catches for -5 yds in his debut last week. He did, however, have one rush for -5 yards, so you still have more NFL rushing yds than him.

** Nick Sirianni is now 6-0 in season openers and 6-0 in road openers in his head coaching career, despite being the worst coach in NFL history, according to outside pundits.

** QB Jalen Hurts passed Carson Wentz for fourth place all-time in Eagles history in completions and passing touchdowns. He also set the franchise record for the number of times he made fans scream, “why can’t you play like that every week?!?!”

** WR DeVonta Smith became the first player in league history to detach his ankles multiple times in a game to secure those toe-tap catches along the sideline, two of which directly helped win the game. He’s not skinny Batman anymore, he’s Mr. Fantastic with all the super stretching powers.

 

QB: Josh Allen, 46.82 pts — started by Dad
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 32.83 pts — started by Bob
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 25.87 pts — started by Mike
TE: Travis Kelce, 17.23 pts — started by Jo
K: Harrison Butker, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Carolina, 28.00 pts — on the wire
D: Devin Lloyd, 17.00 pts — on the wire

 
JSN has already collected 277 receiving yards and four TDs, which puts him on pace for 2,354 yds (breaking the record by almost 400 yds) and 34 scores (breaking the record by 11 TDs). But it should be noted that most of his stats came against the Cardinals, whose defense is roughly the same as playing against real-life cardinals.

Josh Allen is by far the top fantasy scorer thus far, with 86.48 pts. Second on that list? Undrafted (in fantasy) Panthers QB Bryce Young, who is tied for the league lead with six TD passes. We haven’t seen a Panthers QB reliably atop the fantasy scoring chart since Cam Newton played back in 1897. And their defense is a top pick too? Now we’re in crazytown.

WR DeVonta Smith was not among the week’s top fantasy scorers, posting only 19.30 pts. But it should be noted that only 18.80 came from his offensive play — he also got half a point for a tackle on one of Hurts’ interceptions. That guy really did everything Sunday.

“QB trouble” edition

4th place: Jack Strand, -0.04 pts — on the wire
3rd place: Mac Jones, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Kenny Pickett, -0.40 pts — on the wire
1st place: Cooper Rush, -0.56 pts — on the wire

Forget Jones and Pickett: Both are former starting QBs who came in for kneel-down duty at the end of their team’s wins. The others…

Rush, who started for the Falcons on Sunday, went 10 of 17 passes for 86 yards with two interceptions before getting benched in the third quarter. That’s a 32.6 QB rating, seven points worse than what you got on Sunday (zero yards, zero TDs, zero INTs = 39.6 rating). It’s incredibly hard to play for more than a quarter as a professional QB and end up with less than zero fantasy points, but Rush was up to the challenge.

And why did we have four worst performers this week? Strand was Rush’s replacement. He went 8 for 15 for 59 yds but only threw one interception, which was a 35.1 QB rating (also worse than you). But his one pick was returned for a 69-yard TD, so that feels more painful.

In summary, you were a better quarterback than all the Atlanta signal callers this week.

For the record, the Dolphins defense was worth -6.00 pts, the worst possible score.


** At the start of the third quarter in the Eagles/Titans game, Fox analyst Drew Brees praised the Philly offense for its efficiency in the first two quarters. “The Eagles have played this first half almost to perfection, except for that one interception,” he stated.

That “one interception” was a 92-yard return for S Amani Hooker that led to the Titans first TD and resulted in a 14-point swing in the game. It’s sort of like saying that 2020 was a great year, except for that one virus thing. Or that Attack of the Clones was an Oscar-worthy movie, except for that Jar-Jar thing. Kinda hard to overlook that one glaring issue.

** After the Browns’ upset win in Tampa on Sunday, Cleveland Coach Todd Monken lashed out angrily at former coach turned commentator Mike Tomlin, who said “The Browns are gonna Browns” after their opening-week loss. “F*** that!” he yelled at reporters during the post-game press conference.

My friend, the Browns have finished with a losing record 20 times in the last 23 years. Cleveland has played in its current stadium since 1999 and has never hosted a playoff game there. Sunday was the team’s ninth win in the last three seasons combined. Maybe string together a couple of victories before you pull out the righteous indignation.

** The Detroit Tigers this week will play their last game in Comerica Park, because next year the site is being renamed for the company which bought out the financial services firm. So welcome in Fifth Third Stadium (rechristened for the unfortunately named Fifth Third Bank), which is somehow not the fifth nor third ballpark in Detroit history, but in fact the fourth.

 
Can’t wait to hear what the announcers do when the second batter in the seventh inning comes to the plate at good old Fifth Third.

 

** Bills QB Josh Allen has scored nine TDs (five passing, four rushing) through two games, putting him on pace for 76 TDs on the year. That would shatter the mark of 56 set by Broncos QB Peyton Manning in 2013.

** Lions WR Amon-Ra St. Brown has 19 catches through two games, putting him on pace for 161 this season. That would shatter the record of 149 receptions set by Saints WR Michael Thomas in 2019.

** QB Baker Mayfield has three fumblers through two games, putting him on pace for 25 fumbles lost this year. That would break the record of 23 set by former Giants QB Kerry Collins in 2001.

** Bills DE Greg Rousseau has four sacks through two games, putting him on pace for 34 this season. That would break the record of 23 set by Browns DE Myles Garrett last season, and it could actually matter too, unlike Garrett’s worthless sacks on a 5-12 team.

** Chargers QB Justin Herbert, who is consistently ranked above Eagles QB Jalen Hurts in every pundit list of the best NFL passers, is 0-2 after two upset losses and is on pace never to win again in his career. He still trails Hurts in playoff victories, as the Eagles QB has six and Herbet has zero.

** Dallas won on Sunday, so they are on pace to be as insufferable as ever.

Dallas used its first-round pick in the 2026 draft to land defensive back Caleb Downs, who they hoped would bring new energy to the team’s defense. And through two weeks, that defensive unit is … still bad, but at least they got lucky when Washington killed its own QB this week. But Downs was destined to be a disappointment to anyone who just looked a little closer at what the letters in his name clearly spell out:

Dallas’ first-round pick: Safety Caleb Downs
** Dude blows. Lacks fire, can’t play, is soft. Darn.

Remember, you can’t spell “Caleb Downs” without “based clown.” And you can’t spell Dallas without two big Ls.


** Dad went 2-1 against me this week, but he insisted that his upset pick of the Commanders over the Cowboys would be worth two points. So that means instead of him being up one, we’re even on the season right now, I guess.

** Commanders QB Jayden Daniels goes down with an injury on Sunday. Giants QB Jaxson Dart goes down with an injury on Monday. Somebody put Hurts in bubble wrap for the week. Don’t worry about Dak Prescott, I’m sure he’ll be fine.

** I’m unhappy with most of my fantasy football teams, but I won my fantasy baseball league for the second year in a row. So, go baseball.


Family Cup — Week 2 standings
House Doyle: 4-2
House Garrity: 3-3
House Shane: 3-3
House Quinn: 2-4

Last year it took Emma until week six to get her first win. This year, she already hit that mark with an upset of Ollie’s team. But it didn’t help with the family standings as Shelly destroyed Jonathan’s team (150.56 to 102.68) and Mike beat up on Pop’s team. Two teams remain undefeated (Mike and Shane) while two remain winless (Grandmom and Tommy). Welcome to the mediocrity that the NFL coverts so much.

Awesome Cup — Week 2 standings
1 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 255.32 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Grandmom D), 252.57 pts
3 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 242.69 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 236.45 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 233.78 pts
6 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 233.70 pts
7 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 230.25 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 220.45 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 204.38 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 178.31 pts

Only 35 pts separate first place from eighth (and only 9 pts from fifth to third, if you prefer those two random numbers together), so no one is dominating this season yet. I managed to hold onto the top spot by less than a FG, even though my team failed to top the 100-pts mark in its second week of action. Mom D, on the other hand, dominated the week with 140.17 pts, thanks to 29.50 pts from WR Davante Adams on Monday night. Imagine what her team will look like when TE Brock Bowers finally returns from the dead.

Speaking of zombies, the Eagles don’t play until Monday night, when they face the remains of the Bears. Falcons/Packers is the Thursday night contest. The rest of the slate is set for Sunday, but get those rosters set early and often, who knows when the NFL may decide to move up some games to another day.