Fantasy football 2025 -- Family Cup draft order announcement

The ShaneDoyleQuinnGarrity Family Cup fantasy league is officially back for its second season, bringing our four houses back again to the field of battle to answer which bloodline remains the finest at … randomly guessing which professional athletes will collect the best statistics. Honestly, the stakes could not be any higher.

In case you forgot how our inaugural season finished, House Doyle (Mike, Lexi and Ollie) etched their family name into the championship trophy, while Jim managed to bring honor to Team Garrity by winning the individual title. Everyone is back again this year, and the team mascots are present for the official draft order selection ceremony at Fort Awesome.

First, a little clarity on the draft order rules. Each house will pick in reverse order of finish from last year (Team Quinn, Team Shane, Team Garrity and Team Doyle) to ensure balance among all of the families. That means not two teammates will pick back-to-back. All of Team Quinn and 2/3rds of Team Shane are present for the selection ceremony, but none of them will be allowed to pick any names out of the Sorting Helmet. Instead, that honor will fall to Joanna, who will likely be rooting against all of our teams soon enough as she has to put up with me running two leagues of nonsense.

All of the house mascots are ready to cheer for their warriors, so let us dive in:

Pick #12 — Mike (Team Doyle)

A mighty squeal goes up from Team Doyle’s Cunning Axolotl, which embodies the family’s spirit of adaptability and strategic prowess. Mike finished second in the standings last year, so any sensible system would have had him picking low this season. But this is not a competition for the sensible, it is a competition of passion and heart, so the next pick goes to…

Pick #11 — Shelly (Team Garrity) 

Team Garrity’s striking mascot, the Skittish Emu, emits a loud drumming noise as a sign of warning to the other families. Shelly finished fourth in the league last year — not good enough for a medal, but that’s ok because we never gave out any medals. She’ll have to rise above her draft position to repeat this season. The next name out of the helmet belongs to…

Pick #10 — Pop Shane (Team Shane) 

The Noble Otter of Team Shane spins onto his back and beats his belly in a confident challenge to the other families who have dismissed his family’s chances this season. Pop finished a disappointing ninth in the league last year but first in the Awesome Cup competition, so maybe that success can translate better for his whole clan this season. Our last family now gets its first player onto the board:

Pick #9 — Tommy (Team Quinn) 

That high-pitched clicking noise you are hearing is the battle cry of Team Quinn’s animal spirit, the Aggressive Anteater. This family failed to place any teams in the top half of the standings last season, but they have been scouring the football headlines for advantages the whole offseason, like their anteater has been vacuuming the ground for morsels to eat. Ignore them at your peril. Speaking of peril, the next player on the draft order is …

Pick #8 — Lexi (Team Doyle)

Team Doyle’s mascot is also named Lexi, so this is going to be a confusing situation throughout the year. Her team finished first in the regular season but third in the playoffs, so she’ll be looking to swim to another strong finish with the help of her team. Unfortunately, her whole team is one hour behind the rest of the football world in Wisconsin, so they’ll always be trying to catch up. Onto the next family:

Pick #7 — Jimmy (Team Garrity)
Jimmy was the only member of Team Garrity not to make the playoffs next year, but he’ll have to redeem himself from the back half of the draft. The emu has started pecking at the axolotl’s tank, so we could have a major problem here soon. Moving quickly along…

Pick #6 — Emma (Team Shane)
The otter applauds the selection by attempting to wash the draft slip on its belly. Emma’s team was the hard-luck loser for most of last year, finishing 1-11-1 in the regular season but 2-1 in the loser bracket playoffs. Five names remain in the helmet …

Pick #5 — Shane (Team Quinn)
Our most confusing coach — Shane is on Team Quinn, not on Team Shane, obviously — will pick on the earlier end of the draft. That’s assuming he survives the anteater, who has started licking everything in the hopes of finding protein. Our final representatives from each house are all that is left in the pile. Next up:

Pick #4 — Ollie (Team Doyle)

Ollie becomes the standard bearer for his family, grabbing the top pick available to his clan. The house axolotl smiles in approval. Actually, it’s hard to tell, those weird little salamanders always look like they are smiling. Onto the final three names…

Pick #3 — Jim (Team Garrity)
Last year’s champion wins again — Jim snags a high selection which will get him pretty much anyone but RBs Jahmyr Gibbs or Bijan Robinson (unless other coaches make weird picks). His house emu bobs its head in response, then goes searching for grasshoppers to eat. Another name out of the helmet, and our draft runner up is …

Pick #2 — Jonathan (Team Shane)
The youngest Awesome Cup champion in league history had a tougher road in this league last year, but getting the second selection in the draft should help in year two. The otter tosses a clam his way for good luck. The animals have turned this place into a disaster. Let’s wrap this up with our final coach:

Pick #1 — Grandmom Shane (Team Quinn)
Both Grandmom and the house anteater glance around the room, trying to remember how the Garrity-turned-Shane landed in Team Quinn. No matter. Whatever her allegiance, she gets the top pick in this year’s draft, setting up her team and house for success.

The draft is set, folks. The order is getting put into the system your player rankings need to be squared away ASAP. Now is the time to block all those Cowboys from getting on your roster. I’ll switch the league over to autodraft sometime after Friday night (Sept. 4) so don’t delay.

Just like the Fast and the Furious movies, this league is all about family. Don’t crash and burn. Remember what you are fighting for: 

Fantasy football 2026 -- Awesome Cup draft order announcement

It’s hard to believe it, but 2026 marks the 25th season of the Who Needs Linebackers fantasy league. I remember when we first started this competition, I thought, “I wonder if I’ll spend half of my life making nonsensical fantasy jokes for an adoring fan base of around a dozen friends.” Always follow your dreams, folks.

Speaking of dreamers, we have a whole bunch of managers here aspiring to unseat last year’s Awesome Cup champion, Pop. He showed exceptional poise and strategery throughout the 2025 season, but that’s all in the past now. All teams start with a clean slate and the same visions of glory.

And that all begins with the draft. In case you have forgotten, here are the rules established for the draft order selection process. Since all of our managers can’t be present, and since this is a special anniversary season, I have invited famous #25s from NFL history to stand in for each of our teams. The youngest resident of Fort Awesome is ready to pull the names out of the sorting hat, and the first coach on the board is: 

Pick #12 — Mystery coach
OK, I guess we’re not completely ready for the season. Paul has opted to step away from his coaching duties this season to pursue a lucrative contract coaching a fantasy futebal team, riding the excitement of the World Cup to new heights. We wish him well. There is another ready to step in his place, but that team won’t be announced until next week. In the meantime, the mystery’s coach’s representative — Seahawks Super Bowl champion CB Richard Sherman — tosses his #25 jersey to the floor and asks what all this nonsense is about. We quickly shift to the next name:

Pick #11 — Pop
Last year’s champion should be picking at the bottom of the order this season, so this feels right. Pop’s proxy — Eagles DB Patrick Chung, who won three Super Bowls with the Patriots — raises an eyebrow in silent resignation. Then he points to Pop’s three Awesome Cup titles, and we move along to the next name:

Pick #10 — Capt. Awesome
My fourth-place finish last season was the eighth top-four performance in the last 10 years, but I’ve only got one championship over that time frame to show for my team’s excellence. Hopefully they will be inspired this year by my #25: Eagles All-Pro RB Shady McCoy, who plows over Chung and Sherman just to make a point. The youngest Fort Awesome resident asks why I need a representative if I’m in the room for all of this. I tell her to trust the process, and we plow ahead:

Pick #9 — Bob
Tough draw for Bob, who should be drafting a little lower than this based on his 5th-place showing in 2025. Still, the pick gets a fist pump from Eagles RB Charlie Garner, who wore #25 back before Bob graduated from high school. Bob could use a back like that for his squad this year. Another name comes out of the helmet:

Pick #8 — Ant
Ha! Ant picked #8 last year and ends up in the exact same spot this year, thanks to this ridiculous system. His 6th-place finish last year was respectable, but lacked some of the excitement needed for true victory. But perhaps he can pull some of that from Mr. Excitement himself, Anthony’s team rep, the great running back … Reno Mahe, all 212 pounds of him. Did you know he spent five years on the Eagles and totaled just 196 rushing yards? In fairness, he did collect 95 kickoff and punt returns for 851 yards. That’s not a lot of fantasy points, but every bit helps. Next coach on the clock:

Pick #7 — Mike
Mike finished third last season but hasn’t snagged the trophy since the Covid-mess year of 2020. This year, he’s got a rejuvenated team and a new attitude, just like his team mentor: Former Packers and Eagles RB Dorsey Levens, the only player to wear #25 in green for both teams (probably, I’m not fact checking that). He turns to give Mahe a high five, but Reno cowers and scampers away. We also move along:

Pick #6 — Sam
Same finished in 9th last year even though Yahoo named him the best team based on their pre-season projections. Who knew AI could make mistakes? Sam’s stand-in is the greatest #25 in Carolina Panthers history: Two-time Pro Bowl DB Eric Davis, who intercepts the draft slip and spikes it on the ground. This being a carpeted room, it just kind of sits there. After a moment of silence, we pull the next coach’s name:

Pick #5 — Jonathan
The boy finished second last season but ends up picking in the top half of the draft, because fantasy football is not fair. His proxy — Eagles Hall of Fame WR Tommy McDonald — signals TD in celebration. If this kid wins his third title in four years, we’re gonna have to kick him out of the league. We grumble and push ahead:

Pick #4 — Jo
It was a tough seventh-place finish for Joanna last season, but she’s ready to kick that aside and start this year anew. And in steps in her proxy to help her do that: Five clones of Eagles punter Jeff Feagles, who wore #5 during his career. The youngest Fort Awesome resident complains that there should not be any extra math work in these silly blog posts. I agree, and we turn to…

Pick #3 — Jeff
Blue Collar Killers is on the board with a solid pick to start off the season. His rep — Buckeyes RB Bo Jackson, who wears a college #25 — strikes the Heisman pose in jubilation. He then asks if participating in this exercise makes him eligible for any extra NIL bonuses. It does not. We have just two names left…

Pick #2 — Grandmom Doyle
Grandmom can thank her granddaughter for setting her season up on the right track, giving her once of top two players in the league to build around. Her representative, Eagles All-Pro FB Tom Sullivan, knocks over a set of chairs in response to the pick. That leaves our draft day winner as …

Pick #1 — Joel
Joel finished second to last in 2025, but snagging the top pick should help him start faster in 2026. His proxy … oh, Richard Sherman is back, demanding a real person to represent … so, sure, Richard Sherman strikes a defiant pose to dare all rivals.

That’s it, friends. The draft order will be put into the system in the next few days, and the draft switch will be turned on after Friday (Sept. 4) night. That means it’s time to get your player rankings all squared away: Block all the Cowboys, block the Patriots, block Eli Manning (just to be safe).

Thanks again for joining up for a season of nonsense, and Go Birds.

Oh, and here's a final reminder of what you are playing for:   

Fantasy football 2025 -- final season standings

It has been a long journey, but we’ve finally arrived at our season's destination: the crowning of the 24th annual Awesome Cup champion. But you can’t have a king or queen without all the peasants below them, so let’s look at how our 11 runners-up fared before we present the trophy:

The B Sharps (Paul)

Yahoo pre-season ranking:1856.86 pts, 7th place
My pre-season ranking: 1736.92 pts, 11th place
Final ranking: 1519.52 pts, 12th place
NFL equivalent: Las Vegas Raiders

It’s no mystery what the problem was for Paul’s team or the Raiders: Not enough good players. For the actual NFL team, that’s because of poor drafting strategy and mediocre free agency moves. For Paul, it was simply about forgetting to start a QB for the last half of the season (-0.30 total QB points from week 9 to week 18). The Raiders addressed their poor play on Monday by firing coach Pete Carroll. Should Paul consider firing himself? It might not be the worst idea…

All Rogers No Sauce (Joel)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1861.38 pts, 6th place
My pre-season ranking: 1657.07 pts, 12th place
Final ranking: 1653.62 pts, 11th place
NFL equivalent: Tennessee Titans

A disappointing finish for both squads, but both showed signs of hope at the end. After starting the season 1-11, the Titans won two of their final five. Joel’s squad? 100+ fantasy points in five of the last six weeks. Sure, he had to weather injuries to QB Kyler Murray and TE Brock Bowers (and RB Aaron Jones every other week). But this squad showed heart, just like the Titans. And … oh, my mistake, the Titans didn’t show heart, just a pulse. Still, that’s better than the lifeless corpse of a team they trotted out in 2024.

DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1836.60 pts, 8th place
My pre-season ranking: 1844.34 pts, 9th place
Final ranking: 1687.58 pts, 10th place
NFL equivalent: Cincinnati Bengals

I’m looking over both of these rosters and wondering how things went so long. A real-life team that has QB Joe Burrow, WR Ja’Marr Chase and WR Tee Higgins but couldn’t score points? A fantasy team with WR Amon-Ra St. Brown and QB Drake Maye that finished in the bottom three in scoring? Granted, Mom D’s team had zero reliable running backs, and TE Kyle Pitts was good for exactly three weeks this season (enough to make him a top three fantasy TE!) but this still feels like a letdown. As they say in Cincinnati, there’s always next year … to watch the Buckeyes if you want to see professional Ohio football games.

The Fightin Pickles (Sam)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1979.82 pts, 1st place
My pre-season ranking: 2139.82 pts, 4th place
Final ranking: 1724.01 pts, 9th place
NFL equivalent: Kansas City Chiefs

Don’t look now, but I am four-for-four in doing a better job predicting the final standings than Yahoo’s AI algorithms. Sadly, we both overestimated Sam’s team, just like everyone overestimated the Kansas City empire lasting another year. Sam could have changed his team name to Avenue Q with all the questionables on his roster this season: Alvin Kamara, Breece Hall, Bucky Irving and Rhamondre Stevenson all missed games, and that was just his RB corps. WR Brian Thomas Jr. also forgot to show up for long stretches of the season. At least for Sam, he has a chance to redeem his performance next year. Sadly for the Chiefs, this one missed playoff chance means their dynasty is over forever, with no chance of QB Patrick Mahomes ever playing well again. At least that’s what the sports columnists seem to be saying…

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1889.05 pts, 5th place
My pre-season ranking: 1751.13 pts, 10th place
Final ranking: 1742.46 pts, 8th place
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons

Both Jeff’s team and the Falcons were left for dead halfway through the season, but they both quietly climbed up the standings towards respectability. If the Falcons had won just one more game (maybe against the Dolphins? Or the Jets???) they would have snuck into the playoffs. If Jeff had found one reliable wideout to pair with QB Dak Prescott, RB Jahmyr Gibbs or TE Trey McBride, maybe he could have made a run too. Still, this feels like something to build on. Maybe both teams will get their players to show up every week next year. And maybe, just maybe, they can start taking the easy early wins instead of waiting for the second half of the season to succeed.

Schwarbombs (Jo)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1790.42 pts, 12th place
My pre-season ranking: 2095.47 pts, 5th place
Final ranking: 1877.48 pts, 7th place
NFL equivalent: Indianapolis Colts

I’m six-for-six against the computer, folks. Even for me, this is a great fortune telling performance. Sadly, it’s not as great for Joanna. Schwarbombs had a consistent problem getting the home-run scorers, with uneven QB play from Bo Nix, Daniel Jones and Brock Purdy all year. Jo’s second favorite player ever, RB Kenneth Gainwell, kept her team afloat for long stretches. And she did snag the top WR on the season, Ohio State alum Jaxon Smith-Njigba. But what she really needed to succeed was leadership from her favorite player ever, QB Nick Foles. But St. Nick skipped her locker room this year, so it’s coal all around.

Vert der Ferks (Anthony)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1958.50 pts, 2nd place
My pre-season ranking: 2001.77 pts, 7th place
Final ranking: 1920.77 pts, 6th place
NFL equivalent: Carolina Panthers

Anthony had a top three QB (Josh Allen), two top tier WRs (Puka Nacua and Justin Jefferson), a top five TE (Jake “Turd” Fergeson) and a top three kicker (Brandon Aubrey). What is this team doing down here? Sure, his RB corps was the remains of Jaylen Warren and something called Woody Marks (please note, I have not checked to see if this is a real human). But surely this team had to at least be sniffing the top of the standings, right? No? They just barely made the top six? Better than the Panthers, who are heading to the playoffs despite a losing record. That’s just gross.

Goederts and Monsterts (Bob)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1894.72 pts, 4th place
My pre-season ranking: 2317.00 pts, 1st place
Final ranking: 2074.93 pts, 5th place
NFL equivalent: Buffalo Bills

My first predictions miss — I’ll have to settle for a 7-1 lead against the artificial intelligence for now. This wasn’t a failure by Bob, but it was a bit of a setback. Like the Bills, he was the pick to dominate the league. And like the Bills, he had a good year, just not as good as some had hoped for. RB Christian McCaffery was the Bob Squad MVP (start rooting against him now, professor) while QB Jared Goff and TE Travis Kelce produced solid if not spectacular numbers. WR AJ Brown? Maybe too much drama for this team to reach its full potential. A top five finish is nothing to be ashamed of, but one has to ask why this team can’t live up to its preseason hype year after year.

Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1821.49 pts, 9th place
My pre-season ranking: 2233.44 pts, 3rd place
Final ranking: 2079.62 pts, 4th place
NFL equivalent: 2024 Philadelphia Phillies

Ninth place. Ninth! That’s what Yahoo predicted for this team. Two fantasy stud RBs in Bijan Robinson and Kyren Williams. Two rookie stars in TE Tyler Warren and WR Emeka Egbuka. And they predicted ninth? Granted, QB Lamar Jackson was a mess this season. If I had just grabbed a top 12 QB instead of relying on the one-time Baltimore great, I would have finished with about 100 more points, putting me on the doorstep of another title. But like Kevin Patullo foolishly calling a run up the middle on every first down, I stuck with Jackson for too long and slipped off the medal podium. Fourth place is impressive, but my team has bigger expectations than that each year, so they’ll be staying in the doghouse until next September.

City Hands (Mike)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1806.47 pts, 10th place
My pre-season ranking: 1999.96 pts, 8th place
Final ranking: 2172.68 pts, 3rd place
NFL equivalent: Denver Broncos

Mike missed out on a second-place finish by less than 1.5 pts, but it would have been more if not for WR Zay Flowers’ 118 receiving yds and two TDs in the fourth quarter of the last game of the season. As it was, his squad turned in a solid performance despite all the pre-season questions, most of which turned out to be accurate! QB Jayden Daniels was a bust. The Detroit defense was a mess. WR Garrett Wilson missed most of the season. And yet, through solid coaching, Mike managed to rise up the standings with a RB corps of Travis Etienne, Zach Charbonnet and the remains of Josh Jacobs. He turned QB Caleb Williams into a viable starter. He weathered the death of TE George Kittle (not dead, but also MIA for most of the season). This was a management masterpiece. Quint would be proud.

Still The Best (Jonathan)

Yahoo pre-season ranking:1801.46 pts, 11th place
My pre-season ranking: 2095.45 pts, 6th place
Final ranking: 2173.86 pts, 2nd place
NFL equivalent: New England Patriots

For those of you keeping score at home, I’ve beaten the Yahoo predictions 10 times out of 11 so far, with one team left. And I nailed that too. That’s 11-1 against the computer’s prediction skills this season. Clearly my scientific rigor and dedicated research team is far superior to theirs.

The good news here is that the boy did not win his third Awesome Cup title in a row, which would have made him insufferable. The bad news is he almost did. Despite inconsistent play from QB Jalen Hurts, nothing from rookie RB Ashton Jeanty, and constant questions at TE, Jonathan again put together a better fantasy roster than most of us. His namesake, RB Jonathan Taylor, helped a lot, as did a WR group with Tetairoa McMillan, Stefon Diggs and Terry McLaurin. And he lucked out with the Texans defense. But just like the Patriots, the dynasty had to end sometime. Thankfully we didn’t have a deflategate to worry about here.

That just leaves one team, full of champions:

One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1939.36 pts, 3rd place
My pre-season ranking: 2244.32 pts, 2nd place
Final ranking: 2223.14 pts, 1st place
NFL equivalent: 2024 Philadelphia Eagles

I lauded Dad at the start of the year for finally abandoning his pursuit of QBs early in the draft and instead loading up on RBs. How did that work out? He fielded two top-five backs this year (Derrick Henry and De’Von Achane) and got the #1 overall fantasy QB off the waiter wire in week two. That’s not just good coaching, that’s championship general manager work. TE Dallas Goedert also helped his mid-season surge to the top. WR Rashee Rice was solid before both his legs fell off, and the rest of his cast of misfit toys — RB Rico Dowdle, WR DJ Moore — came through when it counted.

Dad was the first coach to win back-to-back titles in league history. Now, a decade later, he’s only the third person to have his name engraved on the Awesome Cup three times.

Congrats to Pop — we'll all be coming to for the trophy again next season. Thanks everyone for following along all season. Only 248 days until the 2026 fantasy season begins, so start doing your research now. 

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 18 recap

Reasons why earning the #2 seed in the NFC would have been the wrong move for the Eagles:

** The #2 seed is scheduled for a second-round home playoff game, if the team wins. This all comes right after the holiday season, when everyone has just hosted family and friends for multiple parties. Adding two more home get-togethers is exhausting. Better to go on the road in week two.

** The NFC’s #2 seed was already scheduled to play the Packers, a team with green, white and yellow uniforms. That could be confusing for the green and white clad Eagles. An easier opponent for Philly is the 49ers, a team with a better record and explosive offense but also mostly red outfits.

** Philly is cold in January. Does the team really want to play multiple games in the northeast’s elements? It’s a safer plan to go on the road in the playoffs to someplace that might have nicer weather, like Chicago.

** Getting the #2 seed would have meant outscoring the Commanders, and putting up more than 24 points in a game is not what these Eagles believe in.

** The Eagles were the #2 seed last year, and they won the Super Bowl. Getting it again this year might set unrealistic expectations of postseason success.

Top QBs of the year
3rd place: Drake Maye, 413.39 pts — 15th QB drafted (Mom D)
2nd place: Josh Allen, 414.62 pts — 2nd QB drafted (Ant)
1st place: Matthew Stafford, 442.88 pts — undrafted

No one took a QB in the first two rounds this year, which is good news, because nearly all of the early QBs disappointed. Allen was the only QB drafted in the top five to finish in the top five, and the best passer by far was still available the day after the draft. Stafford threw for the most yards, had 12 more TD passes than anyone else (46 total), and was not among the 24 QBs picked by our respective teams (Pop grabbed him mid-September). Meanwhile, Lamar Jackson, the first QB off the board (picked by me) finished as the 20th scorer in the category, thanks to a mess of injuries and a series of awful appearances.

Top WRs of the year
3rd place: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 220.80 pts — 5th WR drafted (Mom D)
2nd place: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 242.13 pts — 14th WR drafted (Jo)
1st place: Puka Nacua, 253.33 pts — 9th WR drafted (Ant)

Puka caught 129 passes from Stafford this year, so it should be no surprise that he takes home the top fantasy wideout title for Rams too. There was a huge gap between the top five and the rest of this crop, with Chris Olave (33rd WR off the board) finishing at six but 74 pts behind first place. Only those top three and Ja’Marr Chase (4th WR in fantasy scoring) were really reliable enough all year to carry teams.

Top RBs of the year
3rd place: Jahmyr Gibbs, 307.87 pts — 3rd RB drafted (Jeff)
2nd place: Jonathan Taylor, 327.20 pts — 7th RB drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Christian McCaffrey, 336.30 pts — 5th RB drafted (Bob)

This was our best drafting category of the year, but that happens when you take 13 running backs in the first 24 picks. Still, all of these guys went early and delivered on their promise. Bijan Robinson, James Cook, De'Von Achane, Derrick Henry and Kyren Williams rounded out the top eight, and were all gone before the start of the third round. The only big disappointment? Saquon Barkley, the #1 overall pick, finished as the #14 scorer. Not a bust, but nowhere near as fun as 2024.

Top TEs of the year
3rd place: Dallas Goedert, 136.40 pts — 12th TE drafted (Pop)
2nd place: Kyle Pitts, 136.87 pts — 20th TE drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Trey McBride, 211.60 pts — 2nd TE drafted (Jeff)

Hey, an Eagle who had a good offensive year! Goedert didn’t play week 18 and still finished in the top three, thanks to 11 receiving TDs on the season. That’s tied for second among all players — not just tight ends, but wideouts too. McBride just missed out on the season receptions title to Puka, 129 to 126. And Kyle Pitts scored in the single-digit fantasy points every week except for three, when he collected 61 or his 136.87 pts. Fifth place at this position? Some dude named Travis Kelce.

Top Ks of the year
3rd place: Brandon Aubrey, 188.10 pts — 3rd K drafted (Ant)
2nd place: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 194.50 pts — 5th K drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Jason Myers, 203.00 pts — undrafted

 
Myers scored 171 real-life points this season, breaking the previous record for a kicker set by … David Akers in 2011. But that wasn’t with the Eagles, so it’s OK. Jonathan drafted Fairbairn but ditched him after the bye week in favor of Cam Little, who now owns the longest and second-longest kicks in NFL history, so he at least got the drama he wanted out of the position. And Ant gets his third top performer on this list, which makes you wonder why his team was never near the top of the standings.

Top DEFs of the year
3rd place: Jaguars, 153.00 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Texans, 177.00 pts — 9th DEF drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Seahawks, 187.00 pts — 12th DEF drafted (Pop)

 
Defenses are always a crapshoot when it comes to fantasy. Seattle had three defensive TDs, three return TD and three blocked kicks, so they get top billing even though they had fewer turnovers than the Texans. I’m looking at all the stats now and still don’t understand how the Jaguars are on there. They were 8th in points allowed and 27th in sacks. They were second in interceptions, but this ranking still feels weird.

Top Ds of the year
3rd place: Marcus Jones, 66.26 pts — 6th D drafted (Pop)
2nd place: Jack Campbell, 66.50 pts — undrafted
1st place: Myles Garrett, 74.00 pts — undrafted

OHMIGAWD! WE DRAFTED A TOP DEFENSIVE PLAYER!

Sure, it wasn’t the top defensive player, and if Yahoo’s draft rankings made any bit of sense some team would have picked up Myles Garrett. But none of that matters. Congrats to Pop for snagging a defensive stalwart in the draft for the first time since … gosh, I really cannot find any record of us drafting one of the top three players before. Give me time, there are a lot of old blog posts to go through.

QB: Mitchell Trubisky, 36.86 pts — on the wire
WR: Zay Flowers, 23.20 pts — started by Mike
RB: Rhamondre Stevenson, 34.57 pts — on Sam’s bench
TE: Colston Loveland, 17.07 pts — started by Jonathan
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 26.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Broncos, 24.00 pts — started by me
D: Tyree Wilson, 16.50 pts — on the wire

While it probably warms the hearts of Bears fans to see their old draft bust, Trubisky, leading the Bills backups to a blowout win, the real story here is about what he didn’t do on Sunday: throw an interception. That means the New Jersey Jets are the first team in NFL history to get through an entire season without picking off a single pass, an astounding achievement of incompetence. Seriously, just by luck they should have ended up with one or two.

If Fairbairn could have just kicked two more 50-yard FGs in addition to the six other three-pointers he nailed on Sunday, he could have ended as the league’s top fantasy kicker. That’s gotta hurt.

Good to see Zay Flowers having a solid performance now that my pay leagues are over and he can’t contribute anything to my fantasy football finances.

“Worst performers of the season” edition

5th place: Kyle Allen, -0.30 pts — on the wire
4th place: Gardner Minshew, -0.32 pts — on the wire
3rd place: Mecole Hardman Jr., -0.70 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jimmy Garoppolo, -1.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Jalen Milroe, -1.60 pts — on the wire

Milroe was the starting QB at Alabama in 2024, so he should be used to losing. He only appeared in three games this season, but did manage four yards rushing and a fumble in that short stint, earning him the lowest score of any player for the season.

But, hey, he’s just an unlucky rookie. The next three guys — Garoppolo, Hardman and Minshew — are all on the wrong side of their careers and the wrong side of zero in the points column. Former Eagles QB Minshew actually had three appearances this season where he scored negative fantasy points before he got into the Chiefs’ week 16 loss and blew out his knee. Hardman was cut by the Chiefs earlier this year, fumbled away a punt for the Bills, and is probably done for his career.

At #9 on the list: former Eagles QB Nick Mullins, at -0.09 pts. Two former Eagles QBs! But not Super Bowl winning QB Kenny Pickett, that guy finished the year with 9.72 fantasy points in four appearances, or 6.04 points behind Tanner McKee, the man who was backing him up last season.


** Following Alabama’s Rose Bowl loss on New Year’s Day, Crimson Tide Coach Kalen DeBoer said he was disappointed in the college football playoff defeat but said that “it's a fine line between being here and being at the top.”

Just to be clear, that loss by Alabama — a team that has won six national championships since 2009 — was a 38-3 shelling at the hands of Indiana, a team that has won two Big Ten titles since 1967. The 35-point “fine line” drubbing was the Crimson Tide’s worst bowl game performance ever.

But it was a close 35-point drubbing. A little fine tuning and I’m sure the team wouldn’t have lost by more than 28.

** Late in the Bengals-Browns contest, Cleveland was driving down the field for a game-winning FG attempt when Cincinnati CB Dax Hill got rolled over during a tackle. As he struggled to stand up, Bengals radio analyst Dave Lapham gave this assessment.

“Hill is still down. You know how guys get in a three-point stance? He’s in a nine-point stance. That’s both legs, and his forearms, and his chest and his head. That’s not good.”

Not sure that’s the best time to be cracking jokes, Dave — especially when it’s your own defensive stud lying injured on the ground.

** During the Texas-Colts game, Indianapolis — already eliminated from postseason contention — faced a fourth and goal from the four-yard line with just 2:30 left in the game. The coaches opted to kick a FG instead of going for the touchdown, and Texans radio analyst Andre Ware immediately justified the move.

“This is the right call,” he told listeners. “It doesn’t matter what your record is. It doesn’t matter if you’re heading to the playoffs or not. This is the right call for this team.”

It was an odd defense by Ware, considering the Colts were losing by two at the time. Was there anyone listening who thought Indianapolis shouldn’t take the lead? If they were heading to the playoffs, should they have risked the three in favor or more style points? Or should they have just laid down and lost for their playoff-bound division rivals?

The Colts ended up losing by eight, so I guess the right call was to try for an 11-point play there.

The final week of the NFL season saw a host of laudable milestones that in reality meant nothing at all. Consider:

** Browns DE Myles Garrett set the single-season sack record on Sunday by recording his 23rd QB tackle of the year. It’s a remarkable, difference making feat. Just think of how much worse the 5-12 Browns would be without all of those great defensive plays. 4-13? Thank goodness Garrett can elevate that squad to greatness.

** Bears QB Caleb Williams finished with 3,942 passing yards this season, breaking the Chicago single-season record of 3,838 set in 1995. It’s a great moment for the player and a sad moment for the franchise, as it remains the only one in the NFL never to have a QB top 4,000 yards.

** Vikings WR Justin Jefferson posted his sixth 1,000 season on Sunday, making him only the third player in NFL history to accomplish that feat. It’s also historic because the other two — Randy Moss and Mike Evans — managed to reach the mark and also win a playoff game. But not Jefferson, the greatest wideout in league history not to win any games of consequence.

** The Cowboys potent offense this season boasted a 4,000+ yard passer, a 1,000+ yard rusher and two 1,000+ yard receivers. It’s the second time in team history that they’ve achieved the feat, matching 2023. But it’s the first time they’ve done it without making the playoffs, a truly impressive display of pointlessness.


Given the chance to finish their season at 8-8-1, the Cowboys opted to bench most of their starters in their season finale to keep them fresh for the offseason. As a result, they lost to the lowly Giants and finished with a losing record for the first time since 2024.

Some misguided fans will be upset with how the football year ended for the once mighty Dallas franchise (mighty, like, 30 years ago), but they should take comfort in this anagram epitaph for the season:

Dallas Cowboys team craters, drops out of the playoffs again
** God hears prayers of all. So, tactics off, bad men lost. Pout away.

The last time the Cowboys posted a losing record three years in a row was 2000-2003, as the Eagles ascended from a good team to a juggernaut with four straight NFC East titles. We can only hope those days are returning again.

** I closed out the season going 9-4 in picks against Dad, taking the title of the family’s top prognosticator for a sixth season in a row. For the season I went 182-90, a 67 percent accuracy mark, down a bit from last season. But it’s still better than all 11 of the professional football “experts” that ESPN pays, so you’re getting better returns on your money if you ignore them and stick with me. 

Now onto playoff picks against Dad, where I think I’ve been crushed for about 10 years straight.

** I had a whole bit planned on the NFC South having three 8-9 teams tied for first place but I couldn’t type it out without getting physically ill.

** I mean, at least we don’t have to hear calls for Jalen Hurts to be benched in favor of Tanner McKee anymore.


Week 18 standings

The final Awesome Cup standings will be released Tuesday.

Fantasy football 2025 -- Family Cup final standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

Family Cup -- regular season points standings
House Shane: 4,997.24 pts
House Doyle: 4,876.34 pts
House Garrity: 4,477.92 pts
House Quinn: 4,239.26 pts

Family Cup — playoff bracket results
1 — Chief Little Owl: Jim
2 — Shamrock Meats Inc.: Mike
3 — I love axolotls!: Lexi
4 — Nacho Team: Shelly
5 — @liver: Ollie
6 — Big Brain Jonathan: Jonathan

Jim’s romp through the season culminated this week with a victory lap over Mike’s team, which posted its second-worst score of the season when the points mattered the most. Conversely, Jim’s squad — led by QB Matt Stafford and WR Puka Nacua — was only the fifth-highest scoring squad of the regular season but turned on the magic when it counted, averaging 145-plus fantasy points in the three-week postseason.

Family Cup — loser bracket results
7 — Crazy Grandmom Malice: Grandmom Shane
8 — Emma’s Unicorn Blobfish Empire: Emma
9 — 2025 Yards in 2025: Pop Shane
10 — Jimmy’s Chicken Shaq: Jimmy
11 — Warminster Nightmare: Shane
12 — Team Team: Tommy

Emma’s run at partial glory came to a halt in the seventh place game, where she lost a close contest to her grandmother. Still, winning three of the last four games of the year was an impressive turnaround for a team that was 1-11-1 after 13 weeks. Grandmom claims the title of queen of the also-rans, and the pride of knowing that she elevated Team Quinn to the best of her ability.

Season analysis

Of course, this league was never about individual glory. This was about establishing the supremacy of one family over the rest. With that in mind, we need to look at how to fairly evaluate the full resume of each lineage.

The regular season seems clear enough: Each win is worth 100 points. Ties are worth 50. And all regular season points are totaled for each team.

The playoffs are another matter. Winning the title has to mean something, so that will be worth nearly a season’s worth of games: 1200 points. Second gets 800, third 600. Fourth gets 400, fifth 300, sixth 200. The consolation bracket is for pride and practice, but earns no points.

Team pride has to count for something. Therefore, the top team name earns 75 points, second place 50, and third 25. And it’s pretty clear that Emma’s Unicorn Blobfish Empire runs away with the top award here. The moniker speaks to the team ownership, its philosophy, its mascot and its focus. Warminster Nightmare follows a similar thread, and earns the second place spot. Mike’s tribute to Rocky — Shamrock Meats Inc. — deserves third.

And finally, it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. That’s why we’re awarding 10 points to Grandmom Shane for being confident enough to go 5-0 against her grandchildren this season, not caring at all how those defeats may upset or discourage them. Some grandparents may have spoiled their grandchildren by allowing a win or two to slip away, but not her.

With that in mind, here are the final family standings:

Family Cup — final season standings

4th place: House Quinn, 5899.26 total points
(Grandmom Shane, Tommy, Shane)

3rd place: House Shane, 6772.24 total points
(Jonathan, Emma, Pop Shane)

2nd place: House Garrity, 8377.92 total points
(Jim, Shelly, Jimmy)

1st place: House Doyle, 9601.34 total points
(Mike, Lexi, Ollie)

Jim’s heroic championship run wasn’t enough to wrest the title away from Team Doyle, who placed all three of their squads in the top five of the standings. It was an impressive display of coaching strategy and ruthlessness. And in the end, they are the first group to be honored with their name etched into the Family Cup:

Thanks again to all league members for playing this year. We’ll roll it back next season, when Team Shane will be looking to avenge the injustice of having the most regular season points and the fewest wins.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 17 recap

It’s time to once again test the depth of your NFL knowledge and fandom. 

Anyone can name the big stars in their favorite sport. But can you say which of these players made the 2026 football Pro Bowl team, and which of these names are professional bowlers on the national professional bowling tour?

Quinn Meinerz    Pro Bowler     Professional bowler

EJ Tackett            Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Chris Via              Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Chimere Dike       Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Jakob Butturff     Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Creed Humphrey Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Graham Fach       Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

Ross Matiscik       Pro Bowler    Professional bowler

As always, the quiz doesn’t actually work. So below are the answers:

.

.

.

.

.

Ross Matiscik is the long snapper for the Jags, Chimere Dike is a kick return specialist for the Titans. Quinn Meinerz is an offensive lineman for the Broncos, and Creed Humphrey is the center for the Chiefs.

All the other names are top 10 money earners on the PBA tour —yes, even Jakob Butturff. You know that’s a real name, because if I was going to make him up, his name would be “Buttruff” and I would have made a joke about him getting knocked down over and over.

QB: Brock Purdy, 42.92 pts — started by Jo
WR: Ja’Marr Chase, 19.50 pts — started by Joel
RB: Derrick Henry, 45.60 pts — started by Pop
TE: Trey McBride, 16.07 pts — started by Jeff
K: Joey Slye, 18.50 pts — on the wire
DEF: Vikings, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Chase Young, 14.50 pts — on the wire

Big week for running backs — Bijan Robinson had 36.27 pts on Monday night and doesn’t get mentioned here, because Henry rushed for 216 yards and FOUR TDs on Saturday night. Sadly for Henry, that leaves him just outside the top 10 in RB fantasy performances all-time, because he did not catch any passes. The best? Broncos RB Clinton Portis back in 2003, who had 55.2 pts on 218 yards rushing, 36 yds receiving and five TDs in a 45-27 win over the Chiefs. Saturday’s Denver win over the Chiefs this weekend was … less exciting.

Second week in a row that Brock Purdy claims the top QB spot. In the last four weeks, Purdy has thrown 11 TD passes and scored 116.02 pts. That’s the second best in the league, just behind Trevor Lawrence. Of course, Lawrence did play four games over those four weeks. Purdy only played three — his bye was week 14.

Sad week for wideouts — no one over 20 pts? Not even Jahan Dotson?

“Poor QBs” edition

3rd place: Max Brosmer, 3.64 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Clayton Tune, -1.68 pts — on the wire
1st place: Riley Leonard, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Leonard threw one pass in Sunday’s Colts’ loss to the Jaguars: A last-second hail mary that got picked off in the end zone. But it was an impressive enough throw that the Colts are now planning to start him in the meaningless finale next week. Poor Phillip Rivers, I really thought that guy needed at least one more game to prove what he can do in this league.

Clayton Tune might be starting next week too: He had a pick immediately after entering the game in relief of Packers backup QB Malik Willis, who was in the game because Packers starter QB Jordan Love was out with a concussion. With nothing to play for, Green Bay may decide to give Tune a chance to throw even more interceptions.

Brosmer was actually the 32nd best scoring QB on the week, completing a pathetic nine passes for 51 yards and no TDs for the Vikings on Sunday. He also got sacked seven times for 48 yards, meaning the Vikings had a net passing total of 3 yards for their game. Oh, and they won. I guess turning over Lions QB Jared Goff five times in a game will help with that.


** Headline in the Athletic: Raiders’ Brock Bowers placed on IR ahead of pivotal game against the Giants.

That pivotal game? The loser of the contest would have the inside track for the #1 overall pick in the draft next spring. I’m not sure pivotal is the word you were looking for. Pathetic? Pitiful? It was probably supposed to be pitiful. Easy copy editing error.

** Following the Eagles win — win? Are we still calling that performance a win? — on Sunday, Fox NFL studio analyst Michael Strahan was asked for his reaction to the final failed two-point attempt in the game.

“Well, if you’re Buffalo, you’ve got to be frustrated by that,” he said. “This is a talented team.”

Thank gawd for that insight. I watched the Bills slog through three hours of football, tie the game in the final seconds and then botch a chance to win, and my takeaway was “I wonder if the team is happy with that outcome.” Strahan’s inside knowledge of the game helped me learn that, in fact, they were not.

I just wish he could have covered more games. Was Bears WR Luther Burden happy when he went down with an injury? Did the Steelers sideline appreciate the missed pass interference call at the end of the game? I need someone to tell me, because it’s just too hard to figure out on my own.

** Former New Jersey QB Eli Manning was again named as a Hall of Fame finalist this week. Just as a reminder, this is a career .500 QB who never led the league in any category during his playing time except for interceptions, which he did three separate times over 16 years. 

But, hey, he threw a ball that another guy had to catch with his helmet, so he probably deserves to be in there.

The Eagles offense has been in tatters for weeks, but everyone is looking at the problem from the wrong angle. The problem isn’t the offensive line, or the play calling, or Jalen Hurt’s inexplicable decision to take entire quarters off.

Consider this — the offense has really been struggling since the bye week in early November. Since then, the team has only scored more than 20 points in a game three times. And yet, they have gone 5-3 in those games, because the defense has been incredible.

In fact, incredible may not be the right word. The defense has not allowed more than 24 points in any game since the bye. They’ve held opponents to fewer than 16 points four times in eight games. They shut down the offenses of the Bills and Lions, two of the best offensive teams in the league. They are destroying other teams’ gameplans and smothering any rhythm the opponents are trying to establish.

It has been incredible to watch their work. Scary, even. A few of those hits on Sunday looked like they were trying to kill Bills’ players.

And when they aren’t on the field, where do those defensive players go? They stand on the sideline, waiting, right next to the Eagles offense.

I think Hurts and company are afraid of the defense.

Think about it — while offensive players are rotating in and out, the defensive line is all standing together on the sideline, drooling at the chance to destroy a running back or wideout. They’re pacing like caged animals. They’re twitching. And the Eagles offensive is walking back and forth by them, quivering in their presence.

Could they avoid the defensive monsters by staying on the field longer? Maybe, but the whole defense is over there at the same time. If the defense is on the field, the bulk of that unit is away from the sideline, out of arm’s reach of a weak, little offensive player.

Do you honestly think that Jordan Davis doesn’t think about devouring Jahan Dotson every time he walks by on the sidelines? Davis hasn’t eaten in months. That guy would love a third-string snack. It’s one thing if he’s all alone by the bench, looking at a wideout to chew on. But if the whole defensive line is there? And they’re all hungry?

So the answer to fixing the offense, obviously, doesn’t have anything to do with the offense. It’s getting Vic Fangio to calm down the defense enough that Saquon stops looking over his shoulder while he’s supposed to be resting.

It’s either that or calling real offensive plays. But I think the defensive fix is more realistic than expecting Kevin Patullo to learn football in the next two weeks.

Week 17 is always the time when I go through my pile of unused anagrams to see whether I left any points on the field this season. Much like the Cowboys’ season itself, it’s a mixed bag. Consider:

Dallas CB Trikweze Bridges
** Ribs bled. Legs a wreck. A ditz.

This was a solid B-minus anagram. Nothing wrong with it, but it felt like I could do something more with it. “Trikweze” has a lot of potential but the double Bs in the phrase just caused issues. And no H? That takes “wheezy” off the board. Disappointing.

Dallas Right Guard Tyler Booker
** Thug err darkly: A big loser, a dolt

Cowboys Right Guard Tyler Booker
** A rowdy butcher, big loser. Go try, OK?

I think I just got caught between these two options for the same guy. Again, passing grades for both, but neither really speaks to the evil within the Dallas squad.

Cowboys new running back Malik Davis
** Vibe: Bad as a wormy clown kicking nuns

This is perfect! It has everything: a sense of evil, abuse of religious personnel, a word that uses two Ks. 

But it’s also a repeat: Davis was on the team in 2022-23, then left football for a year, then came back this year. Is he technically “new” again? Maybe. But I already had five anagrams for this guy. So I couldn’t use it. Forget that you ever saw it.  

We don’t do mediocre repeats around here. If we did, we’d be no better than the 7-8-1 Cowboys.

** Dad and I split our picks this week, going 3-3 in our head-to-head matchup. That leaves him down a touchdown and two-point conversion with one week left. Or, put another way, if I can go 9-7 in my picks next week, he can’t win. That’s a lot of pressure on me.

** Eagles backup Tanner McKee had as many completed passes in the second half of the Bills game as Jalen Hurts did. Just saying.

** ESPN named Eagles backup Center Drew Kendall as their second-team pick for the top rookie players of the year. First place was Jacksonville backup center Jonah Monheim, who has played 187 snaps this season. Kendall has played 25. They both beat out Seahawks rookie Bryce Cabeldue, who has played six snaps. And … that’s the whole rookie class at center.

I dunno, guys. Maybe we didn’t need a breakdown on this position this year.


Week 17 standings

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 2,131.01 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 2,074.84 pts
3 — City Hands (Mike), 2,051.01 pts
4 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,993.78 pts
5 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,963.88 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,818.68 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,799.39 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,686.86 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,643.58 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,618.94 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,556.23 pts
12 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,482.22 pts

We’re down to the last week, and Pop is already eyeing his third championship title. He enters the final slate of games with a 57-point lead over second place (Jonathan) and a six-week stretch of scoring at least 115 fantasy points. If that holds, Jonathan will need at least 173 pts from his squad next weekend to challenge for his third consecutive trophy.

Mike will need even more — his team took a big step back this week, scoring under 90 pts after hitting the 115-pts mark the previous six weeks in a row. If I can pull off a 200-plus-pts week, I still might have a shot. After that, we’d need some significant stat corrections for any hope at a league victory.

But pride is still at stake too. Can Bob overtake me for fourth place? Will Jo or Ant end up in the top half of the standings? Can Jeff and Joel continue their late-season push? Will Paul ever start a QB again? All valid questions, and all will be answered this week.

The NFL has zero games on Thursday, zero on Friday, two on Saturday and allllll the rest on Sunday. It’s backups galore for the last days of regular season action, so check those rosters and finish strong.

Family Cup -- final standings
The final results of the first annual Family Cup will be announced on Wednesday.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 16 recap

Forgot to grab all your presents for tomorrow? Don't worry, the Eagles Pro Shop has you covered: 

 

“Been there, won that” shirt — $45
** You’d think with 21 years to plan, the team would come up with a better slogan for winning back-to-back NFC East titles. But next year you won’t be able to snag these again, because everything is going to reference three titles in a row, so you might as well grab it.

Jalen Hurts “gamechanger” figure — $30
** Last time I checked, Hurt’s hands were not the size of his entire head, and he did need to bend over to tie his shoes. But if you ever wanted a collectible of the Eagles QB morphed into a half gorilla, it’s available for a reasonable price.

Terrell Owens jersey — $130
** Is all the AJ Brown drama too much for you? Do you wish we could go back to the days of having a star receiver who complains a lot but also doesn’t win Super Bowls? T.O. is ready to return you to the glory days of frustration and unrealized talent.

RB A.J. Dillon — $130,000
** Dillon signed a nearly $1.2 million contract with the Eagles in the offseason but hasn’t been used at all in the last month. So I’m sure the team would be happy to hand him over to you for housework or show shoveling for the last two weeks of the season, if you’ll just cover his remaining base salary.

Eagles peach hat — $22.50
** This is a hat with an Eagles logo covered in peaches. Maybe it was created because there are a lot of Georgia players on the team, and Georgia has peaches, and … ? Anyways, if you’ve ever thought that your support for the team should be joined with your support for fruit, this is your moment.

Game-used Saquon Barkley pants — $1,487.50
** Want to relive the excitement — and smell — of Barkley running for 43 yards and a TD against the Bucs in September? Wait, you do? What’s wrong with you, man? Go buy a book or something.

QB: Brock Purdy, 40.90 pts — started by Jo
WR: Puka Nacua, 33.00 pts — started by Ant
RB: Chase Brown, 29.47 pts — started by Jeff
TE: George Kittle, 17.17 pts — started by Mike
K: Charlie Smyth, 20.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Saints, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Kyle Dugger, 11.00 pts — on the wire

I did not have two Saints players as top performers on my bingo card for the week. New Orleans had its best defensive performance of the year in a 29-6 win over the Jets. And Smyth, in just his fourth game in the NFL, tied a team record with five field goals in that victory.

Smyth was a goalkeeper in Ireland’s Gaelic football league, and joined the NFL through its International Player Pathway Program. Gaelic football is just a little different from American football — The actual score of one semi-final match this week for the Irish league was “Tooreen 1-28 Éire Óg, Carrickmore 1-17.” No, I don’t have the slightest idea what that means. Good on Tooreen, I guess?

Puka Nacua had 12 catches for 225 yds and two TDs this week, the first time this season a wideout has topped the 200-yds mark. It happened twice last year and six times in 2023. You don’t remember that much receiving two years ago because that was the year the Eagles forgot how to pass for the second half of the season. Thank gawd those problems are over.

“Dallas” edition

3rd place: Joe Milton III, -0.86 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Dallas, -3.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Indianapolis, -3.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Miami, -4.00 pts — on the wire

Hey, our anagram subject from last week is back! Dallas Backup QB Joe Milton III (or, as you know him, “Skilled? Baa. I complain, quit job”) was not skilled and quit his job in the form of fumbling the ball during mop-up duty in Sunday’s loss to the Chargers.

But don’t just blame him. Over the last five games, the Dallas defense has scored a total of -2.00 pts. They have six weeks where they registered negative fantasy points, and are averaging 30.3 actual points allowed per game. That's the second worst in the league. If only they had a stud defensive player to help them stabilize that side of the ball, but where would they even find someone like that?


** During Thursday’s Rams/Seahawks contest, LA was leading by 16 points with less than nine minutes left in the game when WR Rashid Shaheed weaved through the Rams’ special teams unit to score on a 58-yard punt return. Amazon announcer Al Michaels had the call:

“Shaheed takes the punt … works through traffic, he’s heading down the sidelines and out of NOWHERE he is in for the touchdown. And we’ve got a game.”

Right enthusiasm, wrong words. Out of nowhere? He was the punt returner. We kind of all expected him to get the ball, and keep running with it. Or maybe he meant out of nowhere because up until then Seattle had only scored … two touchdowns? They weren’t getting shut out. It wasn’t a giant surprise that they’d score again.

The Seahawks got a two-point conversion on the next play, scoring on an out-of-nowhere forward pass to their #2 wideout. It truly is an unpredictable game.

** Sirius XM’s NFL Blitz show has been running promos this weekend with co-host Bruce Murray previewing the postseason and exclaiming “Are we really looking at a playoffs without Mahomes, or Lamar, or Goff, or even Dak?”

Sure, Mahomes is a surprise. And the Lions and Ravens missing out on the championship bracket is shocking. But Prescott not showing up in the playoffs is kind of his calling card. Not sure you can be appalled that a guy who has two January wins in the last 10 years is once again not going to get any January wins.

Now Jalen Hurts missing the playoffs? That would be a stunner. Five years in the league, and he’ll have 10 playoff starts by the end of week 19. Hopefully a few more after that in 2026 too.

 
** Commander’s coach Dan Quinn’s reaction to the completely unneeded two-point attempt by the Eagles in the fourth quarter of an already settled game: “If that’s how they want to get down, all good. We play them again in two weeks.”

 
Oh boy. I bet the Commanders are really gonna lay the smackdown on … Tanner McKee and the other backups who play in that meaningless game. Message sent.

The NFL’s Christmas present to you is a full slate of three games this Thursday, with plenty of intrigue and drama in store to spice up your holiday. Here’s a look at the most festive storylines to track in between opening presents and enjoying your Christmas cookies:

** Is Chris Oladokun the next big QB star?
It’s the matchup that everyone has been waiting for: Broncos second-year QB Bo Nix vs. Chiefs rookie QB Chris Oladokun. Sure, maybe QB Patrick Mahomes is better known right now, but Oladokun also has a weird last name and the Kansas City offense to carry. So could we be meeting the next Mahomes on Thursday? Sure doesn’t seem like it, but who knows!

** How many points can the Cowboys and Commanders surrender?
Unlike Dallas, the Commanders are only giving up 27 points per game. Could these two teams both score 50 against each other’s lifeless defenses? Or will the motivation of a late-season division game with no playoff stakes on the line inspire them to make just a single stop?

** Who will watch the Lions/Vikings game?
Both of these teams made the postseason last year, but only the Lions have a shot at repeating that feat this season. Except they really don’t! They’re only path involves 20 teams losing and a voodoo curse reversing time. So who will tune in for this afternoon matchup? Will it even provide enough distraction from family members to count as entertainment?

** Can the Spurs beat the Thunder? 

 The Thunder have only lost three of their first 28 games, but one of those failures came at the hands of the upstart Spurs, the second-place team in the Western conference. Why would NFL fans care at all? I dunno, but it’s better than any of the holiday crapfest being broadcast on Tubi Sports or wherever they’ve got these stupid football games this year. The NBA will be on ABC, where you can actually watch it.

The Eagles victory on Saturday officially ended any hope of a Cowboys postseason this year, a crushing development for the franchise. During a press conference a day later, team owner and GM Jerry Jones said simply that “we all underachieved, really” but expressed confidence that the team will come back stronger next year.

Of course, there is no reason for such optimism. In the last 30 years, the Cowboys are the only NFC team not to reach the conference title game, and have only made the playoffs 13 times. But if you look closer at what Jerry said and really break down the letters, you can see that they actually spell out the true message he was delivering:

Jones statement: We all underachieved
** A moan, jest. Cattle dude heels never win

Typical Jerry, using all those extra words — cattle dude heels — just to say cowboys. I’m gonna miss him when he finally leaves the NFL scene. It has been so relaxing to have an idiot running the Cowboys for the last few decades.

** Dad picks up another game on me this week, going 3-2 in our head-to-head picks. He’s only eight back, with two weeks to go. But he does get extra props for picking the Chiefs to spiral out of control and lose to the Titans. That was … something.

** Delaware bested Louisiana in the 68 Ventures Bowl last week in a 20-13 thriller. That gives them a perfect record in the College Football premier postseason (1-0 all time). Take that, Villanova.

** The Eagles can get the #1 overall seed if they win their last two, the Rams lose to Atlanta but beat the Cardinals, the Bears beat the 49ers but lose to the Lions, the 49ers lose to the Bears but beat the Seahawks, and the Seahawks lose to the Panthers and 49ers. Then there is a five-way tie for the top seed in the NFC at 12-5, and the Eagles … might win the tiebreaker? It isn’t clear, it depends on strength of schedule and how a dozen other games play out. Oh also Dr. Strange has to give up the mind stone to Thanos so that Iron Man can steal it back later. That’s the only path to victory.

Week 16 standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

Our championship game is set: Mike, the #2 seed, will take on Jim, the #5 seed. Jim annihilated out top regular season finisher, Lexi, with a 176.88-104.36 performance last week. Can he continue his Cinderella run to the title? Or will Mike grab the cup for Team Doyle? One week left for a new hero to rise. 

In the bottom bracket, Emma’s team has managed three straight wins after only recording one win in the first 13 weeks of the season. She’ll take on Grandmom Shane for the loser bracket title. Shelly and Lexi will square off in the 3rd place game, Dad and Jimmy will fight for the 9th place honor. Ollie (5th), Jonathan (6th), Shane (11th) and Tommy (12th) are finished for the year.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1996.25 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 1963.57 pts
3 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1956.34 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1891.31 pts
5 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1871.44 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1705.01 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1673.93 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1571.88 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1544.02 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1526.43 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1432.60 pts
12 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1417.45 pts

Another big week from Mike closes the gap between him and first to just 33 pts. Both he and Jonathan topped 130 pts this week, keeping the pressure on Pop with just two weeks left. Bob and I remain locked in a fight for the first team off the medals podium. I had the worst score of the week with 92.50 pts, which, honestly, is pretty good for the worst score of the week.

Jeff, Joanna and Joel all had big performances, besting 120 pts, but they remain mired in the bottom of the bracket. But Joel’s performance was enough to keep him out of the cellar for another week. Paul hasn’t started a QB since Mac Jones in week 11 (and he scored -0.30 pts that week) so perhaps that isn’t a huge bar to clear.

OK, I just checked, and the last time Paul started a QB who scored positive points was week 8, when Spencer Rattler got him 2.64 pts. That means that since the start of November, he has negative fantasy points from the QB position, the spot where the most points are scored each week. Honestly, it’s amazing he even has 1,400 pts.

Speaking of amazing things, the NFL schedule coming up is an amazing mess. Three games on Christmas, two on Saturday, only two late Sunday afternoon, one on Monday. Set your rosters on Christmas Eve and hope that Santa Goodell doesn’t bring you any more coal.