On base at Fort Awesome

Tuesday, October 06, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 4 recap

The Eagles could be without six opening day starters on just the offense when they take the field on Sunday. Saquon Barkley, Cam Jurgens, Landon Dickerson, DeVonta Smith and Dallas Goedert are all questionable to play. Lane Johnson just retired. And backup RB Tank Bigsby is headed to the injured reserve. Zack Baun, Quinyon Mitchell and Jonathan Greenard were the Philly defensive players on the injury list on Monday. To be honest, I was scared to look today to see what other names were added.

With a casualty list like that, the Eagles have limited options for approaching a big contest against the Jaguars. But there are a few options to work around those health issues and come out strong:

** Clone WR Darius Cooper, field three of him as the receiving corps next week.
** Invest in duct tape, that fixes almost everything.
** Sign two sumo wrestlers as tackles, run the tush push on every play.
** Stop holding practices on ancient native American burial grounds.
** Give up on the running game. It’s not like it has worked at all anyway.
** Look into hiring some competent medical staff.

QB: Drake Maye, 32.16 pts — on Joel’s bench
WR: Tetairoa McMillan, 31.80 pts — started by Jo
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 30.33 pts — started by Bob
TE: Sam LaPorta, 15.60 pts — started by Pop
K: Will Reichard, 19.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: New Jersey Giants, 14.00 pts — on the wire
D: Deonte Banks, 10.50 pts — started by Jeff

Walker is the reigning Super Bowl MVP, so maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s leading the league in rushing yards. But last year’s success came when he was playing for the Seahawks. This year, Walker is racking up rushing stats thanks to playing in the Chiefs offense led by … Andy Reid? The guy who never calls a running play? Kansas City is first in the league in rushing yards and first in yards per carry. In other news, nothing makes sense anymore.

Reichard kicked five field goals on Sunday in the Vikings 15-10 win over the Dolphins, which was their second win this season without scoring a TD. Meanwhile, the Eagles finally scored points in the first quarter, hung up 20 in the first half, and still lost.

Only six QBs have scored 100-plus fantasy points so far this season, and Drake Maye isn’t one of them. But Raiders QB Kirk Cousins is: He is tied for the league lead with 11 touchdown passes. Again, nothing makes sense in the NFL.

“Getting defensive“ edition

3rd place: Raiders, -1.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Dallas, -1.00 pts — on Jeff’s bench
1st place: New Orleans, -5.00 pts — on the wire

In the Monday night game, Falcons RB Bijan Robinson had 145 yds rushing and two TDs against the Saints but Falcons backup RB Brian Robinson had 62 yds rushing and three TDs. Pretty much any B. Robinson could score at will against that team.

The Cowboys revamped defense has been a delight to watch so far this season. The unit is worth 1.00 fantasy pts through four games (that’s an average of 0.25 pts per game if you are scoring at home) and is the only team in the league not to record an interception. They’re tied for last in turnovers and have allowed the fourth most points of any team, at 28 per game. Yet somehow this dumb team is still 2-2.

Eagles backup QB Andy Dalton remains the worst player on the year, at -2.00 total pts.

** In the second quarter of the Commanders/Colts game early on Sunday morning, Indianapolis QB Daniel Jones took the snap, quickly turned to his left and threw a pass into the ground about five yards ahead. The Commanders’ defense called for an intentional grounding flag, but the refs declined. The announcing crew turned to rules analyst Walt Anderson for an explanation, since the pass didn’t go out of bounds, the QB was still in the pocket, and no receiver was in the area. His response?

“You have to be under duress for it to be intentional grounding,” he said. “And in this case, I just didn’t see that.”

To translate: Jones didn’t throw the ball away to avoid a sack. He just really, really sucks.
I feel like patently offensive gameplay should be a penalty, but if that were the case, half of the teams in the league might never make it past midfield.

** Fox has started promoting NFL games this month as part of “FOXTOBERFEST” and honestly I think my brain forgot what letters mean just looking at that word.

** At the start of the Eagles/Rams game, the Fox broadcast crew featured “players to watch” in the upcoming contest. Their picks were Rams QB Matt Stafford and Eagles QB Jalen Hurts.

Oh, you mean the two guys who were gonna handle the ball on 95 percent of the plays in the game? I should pay special attention to them? Thanks for the heads up. I was planning on focusing the practice squad players on the sideline, but those suggestions seem like a better plan.

I just wish they had offered more specifics about when to watch them. I spent nearly every Eagles possession wondering why Stafford couldn’t complete any passes. I also wondered that about Hurts when the Eagles offense was on the field, but that’s a separate issue.

Sunday will mark the Eagles second trip to London to play as part of the NFL’s international schedule of games. They’ll play the Jaguars, who they defeated by a 24-18 tally in their 2018 contest in the United Kingdom.

Jacksonville has played at least one game in London every year since 2013 (except in 2020, there’s always an “except in 2020,” we all know what happened then), and they have two scheduled there for this season. Rumors have swirled that the Florida squad could become the first NFL franchise partially based overseas, but the biggest obstacle to that plan is the mascot: The Jaguars make no sense for an England-based team. But here are a few possible options to keep in mind as you watch this weekend’s contest:

** The Jacksonville/London Badgers — Eurasian badgers while overseas, good old American rodents back stateside.

** The Jacksonville/London Drizzle — Fits for either location.
** The Jacksonville/London Monarchs — The mascot could be a prince holding a butterfly.
** The Jacksonville/London Expatriates — Honestly, neither city is really part of America.
** The Jacksonville/London Money Grabs — Would be the most accurate pick.

The Cowboys defense continues to be a complete mess of a unit, so the front office this week traded two draft picks to acquire Joey Porter Jr., a contract holdout on the Steelers. Porter hopes to be happier in his new situation, but a quick review of the facts — and the letters in his name — show that’s unlikely to be the case:

Dallas trades for a veteran CB: Joey Porter Jr.
** No travel joy: rapt tears, braced jeers for lad.

Through four games, only two teams have allowed more points than the Cowboys, who are surrendering four TDs and extra points per contest. But the important thing is that they are trying very hard … and that they still are terrible.

** I went 2-1 against Dad in picks this week, which leaves him up two in the standings for the year. In related news, I’m 2-10 in picking Giants, Browns and Raiders games this season. I may have to pick them to finally win something.

** Since the Phillies clinched a playoff spot on Sept. 27, Philadelphia teams are 1-8. Maybe it would have been better to just accept the regular season choke and not curse the whole city’s sports scene?

Family Cup — Week 4 standings
House Doyle: 9-3

House Shane: 6-6

House Garrity: 5-7

House Quinn: 4-8

We’re down to one undefeated team and one winless squad after Jonathan took down Shane and Grandmom Shane upset Pop. Mike is 4-0 and has the most points scored through four weeks, while Shelly is holding onto the cursed seat right now: second in scoring, but 1-3 on the season because she’s also second in points allowed. The good news is this is still early in the year, no one is more than two games out of the playoffs yet. But the calendar will turn from October to November before you know it…

Awesome Cup — Week 4 standings
1 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 545.14 pts
2 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 515.79 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 514.56 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 490.63 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 481.84 pts
6 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 466.18 pts
7 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 458.00 pts
8 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 422.20 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 414.61 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 366.88 pts

Anthony and his Cowboys-led squad were the top scorers for the week, putting up a whopping 160.07 pts and jumping into bronze medal position. Six teams posted more than 125 fantasy points (which made my crew’s 131.60 pts less impressive), but Mom D retains her comfortable grip on first place for another week. On the other end, Pop finished with the lowest total of the week in both leagues, and he can’t even blame the Eagles (well, Saquon, but that’s it).

Week 5 marks the start of everyone’s favorite fantasy football feature: bye weeks! Just two teams are off this time — the Chefs and Panthers — but there is a Thursday game plus that early Sunday morning Eagles game overseas. So if you want to get any birds in your starting lineup … go get your head checked, you may have a concussion.

Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 2 recap

Sunday’s last-minute Eagles victory over the Titans was the first win for the birds in Tennessee ever, and the first against the Titans/Oilers franchise since 1991. But it was hardly the only milestone of significance in the win:

** That game-winning score with less than 10 seconds left was WR Darius Cooper’s first NFL touchdown catch. The wideout from Tarleton State made the team last year despite being an undrafted rookie.

** The Eagles opened the game with three drives of 10 plays or more, the first time they have accomplished that level of sustained offense in the 21st century.

** Rookie WR Makai Lemon had his first game with positive yards on Sunday. His 14 yards on a single catch in the first half was a marked improvement from his three catches for -5 yds in his debut last week. He did, however, have one rush for -5 yards, so you still have more NFL rushing yds than him.

** Nick Sirianni is now 6-0 in season openers and 6-0 in road openers in his head coaching career, despite being the worst coach in NFL history, according to outside pundits.

** QB Jalen Hurts passed Carson Wentz for fourth place all-time in Eagles history in completions and passing touchdowns. He also set the franchise record for the number of times he made fans scream, “why can’t you play like that every week?!?!”

** WR DeVonta Smith became the first player in league history to detach his ankles multiple times in a game to secure those toe-tap catches along the sideline, two of which directly helped win the game. He’s not skinny Batman anymore, he’s Mr. Fantastic with all the super stretching powers.

QB: Josh Allen, 46.82 pts — started by Dad
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 32.83 pts — started by Bob
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 25.87 pts — started by Mike
TE: Travis Kelce, 17.23 pts — started by Jo
K: Harrison Butker, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Carolina, 28.00 pts — on the wire
D: Devin Lloyd, 17.00 pts — on the wire

JSN has already collected 277 receiving yards and four TDs, which puts him on pace for 2,354 yds (breaking the record by almost 400 yds) and 34 scores (breaking the record by 11 TDs). But it should be noted that most of his stats came against the Cardinals, whose defense is roughly the same as playing against real-life cardinals.

Josh Allen is by far the top fantasy scorer thus far, with 86.48 pts. Second on that list? Undrafted (in fantasy) Panthers QB Bryce Young, who is tied for the league lead with six TD passes. We haven’t seen a Panthers QB reliably atop the fantasy scoring chart since Cam Newton played back in 1897. And their defense is a top pick too? Now we’re in crazytown.

WR DeVonta Smith was not among the week’s top fantasy scorers, posting only 19.30 pts. But it should be noted that only 18.80 came from his offensive play — he also got half a point for a tackle on one of Hurts’ interceptions. That guy really did everything Sunday.

“QB trouble” edition

4th place: Jack Strand, -0.04 pts — on the wire
3rd place: Mac Jones, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Kenny Pickett, -0.40 pts — on the wire
1st place: Cooper Rush, -0.56 pts — on the wire

Forget Jones and Pickett: Both are former starting QBs who came in for kneel-down duty at the end of their team’s wins. The others…

Rush, who started for the Falcons on Sunday, went 10 of 17 passes for 86 yards with two interceptions before getting benched in the third quarter. That’s a 32.6 QB rating, seven points worse than what you got on Sunday (zero yards, zero TDs, zero INTs = 39.6 rating). It’s incredibly hard to play for more than a quarter as a professional QB and end up with less than zero fantasy points, but Rush was up to the challenge.

And why did we have four worst performers this week? Strand was Rush’s replacement. He went 8 for 15 for 59 yds but only threw one interception, which was a 35.1 QB rating (also worse than you). But his one pick was returned for a 69-yard TD, so that feels more painful.

In summary, you were a better quarterback than all the Atlanta signal callers this week.

For the record, the Dolphins defense was worth -6.00 pts, the worst possible score.

** At the start of the third quarter in the Eagles/Titans game, Fox analyst Drew Brees praised the Philly offense for its efficiency in the first two quarters. “The Eagles have played this first half almost to perfection, except for that one interception,” he stated.

That “one interception” was a 92-yard return for S Amani Hooker that led to the Titans first TD and resulted in a 14-point swing in the game. It’s sort of like saying that 2020 was a great year, except for that one virus thing. Or that Attack of the Clones was an Oscar-worthy movie, except for that Jar-Jar thing. Kinda hard to overlook that one glaring issue.

** After the Browns’ upset win in Tampa on Sunday, Cleveland Coach Todd Monken lashed out angrily at former coach turned commentator Mike Tomlin, who said “The Browns are gonna Browns” after their opening-week loss. “F*** that!” he yelled at reporters during the post-game press conference.

My friend, the Browns have finished with a losing record 20 times in the last 23 years. Cleveland has played in its current stadium since 1999 and has never hosted a playoff game there. Sunday was the team’s ninth win in the last three seasons combined. Maybe string together a couple of victories before you pull out the righteous indignation.

** The Detroit Tigers this week will play their last game in Comerica Park, because next year the site is being renamed for the company which bought out the financial services firm. So welcome in Fifth Third Stadium (rechristened for the unfortunately named Fifth Third Bank), which is somehow not the fifth nor third ballpark in Detroit history, but in fact the fourth.

Can’t wait to hear what the announcers do when the second batter in the seventh inning comes to the plate at good old Fifth Third.

** Bills QB Josh Allen has scored nine TDs (five passing, four rushing) through two games, putting him on pace for 76 TDs on the year. That would shatter the mark of 56 set by Broncos QB Peyton Manning in 2013.

** Lions WR Amon-Ra St. Brown has 19 catches through two games, putting him on pace for 161 this season. That would shatter the record of 149 receptions set by Saints WR Michael Thomas in 2019.

** QB Baker Mayfield has three fumblers through two games, putting him on pace for 25 fumbles lost this year. That would break the record of 23 set by former Giants QB Kerry Collins in 2001.

** Bills DE Greg Rousseau has four sacks through two games, putting him on pace for 34 this season. That would break the record of 23 set by Browns DE Myles Garrett last season, and it could actually matter too, unlike Garrett’s worthless sacks on a 5-12 team.

** Chargers QB Justin Herbert, who is consistently ranked above Eagles QB Jalen Hurts in every pundit list of the best NFL passers, is 0-2 after two upset losses and is on pace never to win again in his career. He still trails Hurts in playoff victories, as the Eagles QB has six and Herbet has zero.

** Dallas won on Sunday, so they are on pace to be as insufferable as ever.

Dallas used its first-round pick in the 2026 draft to land defensive back Caleb Downs, who they hoped would bring new energy to the team’s defense. And through two weeks, that defensive unit is … still bad, but at least they got lucky when Washington killed its own QB this week. But Downs was destined to be a disappointment to anyone who just looked a little closer at what the letters in his name clearly spell out:

Dallas’ first-round pick: Safety Caleb Downs
** Dude blows. Lacks fire, can’t play, is soft. Darn.

Remember, you can’t spell “Caleb Downs” without “based clown.” And you can’t spell Dallas without two big Ls.

** Dad went 2-1 against me this week, but he insisted that his upset pick of the Commanders over the Cowboys would be worth two points. So that means instead of him being up one, we’re even on the season right now, I guess.

** Commanders QB Jayden Daniels goes down with an injury on Sunday. Giants QB Jaxson Dart goes down with an injury on Monday. Somebody put Hurts in bubble wrap for the week. Don’t worry about Dak Prescott, I’m sure he’ll be fine.

** I’m unhappy with most of my fantasy football teams, but I won my fantasy baseball league for the second year in a row. So, go baseball.

Family Cup — Week 2 standings
House Doyle: 4-2
House Garrity: 3-3
House Shane: 3-3
House Quinn: 2-4

Last year it took Emma until week six to get her first win. This year, she already hit that mark with an upset of Ollie’s team. But it didn’t help with the family standings as Shelly destroyed Jonathan’s team (150.56 to 102.68) and Mike beat up on Pop’s team. Two teams remain undefeated (Mike and Shane) while two remain winless (Grandmom and Tommy). Welcome to the mediocrity that the NFL coverts so much.

Awesome Cup — Week 2 standings
1 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 255.32 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Grandmom D), 252.57 pts
3 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 242.69 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 236.45 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 233.78 pts
6 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 233.70 pts
7 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 230.25 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 220.45 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 204.38 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 178.31 pts

Only 35 pts separate first place from eighth (and only 9 pts from fifth to third, if you prefer those two random numbers together), so no one is dominating this season yet. I managed to hold onto the top spot by less than a FG, even though my team failed to top the 100-pts mark in its second week of action. Mom D, on the other hand, dominated the week with 140.17 pts, thanks to 29.50 pts from WR Davante Adams on Monday night. Imagine what her team will look like when TE Brock Bowers finally returns from the dead.

Speaking of zombies, the Eagles don’t play until Monday night, when they face the remains of the Bears. Falcons/Packers is the Thursday night contest. The rest of the slate is set for Sunday, but get those rosters set early and often, who knows when the NFL may decide to move up some games to another day.

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 1 recap

The Eagles on Sunday unveiled their new gameplan under first-year offensive playcaller Sean Mannion, who was tasked with revitalizing a stagnant offense from last season. The differences were subtle but significant. Here’s a closer look at the new wrinkles:

— Instead of predictable runs on first down, the team used predictable runs on first and second down.
— QB Jalen Hurts fell to the right side on easily avoidable sacks instead of falling to the left.
— Last year the offense ignored WR AJ Brown for long stretches of the game. On Sunday, they switched that up by ignoring WR DeVonta Smith for long stretches.
— Rookie wideout Makai Lemon and Barkley combined for four catches for -8 yards, so that was … a choice.
— Hurts actually remembered how to run again, which was nice to see.
— Instead of being frustrating for the entire game, the offense was only frustrating for long sections of the game.

I, for one, am looking forward to what Sean Patullo brings to the table for the rest of the schedule.

QB: Caleb Williams, 41.26 pts — on Ant’s bench
WR: Jalen Coker, 25.20 pts — on Jo’s bench
RB: Derrick Henry, 34.17 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Isaiah Likely, 21.20 pts — on Joel’s bench
K: Evan McPherson, 19.50 pts — started by me
DEF: Pittsburgh, 19.00 pts — started by me
D: TJ Watt, 14.50 pts — started by Jonathan

Jonathan and I are in mid-season form. Everybody else? Eh.

Williams barely edged out Bills QB Josh Allen (39.66 pts) as the top QB of the week. Both passed for two TDs and rushed for two TDs, but Williams had 41 more rushing yds on the day. Jalen Hurts finished 6th. Dallas QB Dak Prescott finished 17th, but Anthony opted to start him instead of Williams.

Watt had four tackles, two sacks, and a game-sealing interception returned for a TD in Pittsburgh’s 20-13 win over the Falcons, but it was a quiet day other than that.

“Welcome back” edition

3rd place: Nick Mullens, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Kyler Murray, -0.38 pts — on Jeff’s bench
1st place: Tyrone Tracy Jr., -0.60 pts — on the wire

Makai Lemon did not end up on the worst performers list, but you’ll be happy to know that you have more career receiving yards right now (zero) than the Eagles first-round pick (-5). Bring that up in your next job interview.

Murray took a brutal hit early in Sunday’s Viking/Packers game, which led to Minnesota having to turn to backup QB Carson Wentz for the remainder of the contest. And that went about as well as you’d … wait, wut? Wentz had three TDs and 25.22 fantasy pts, better than Jayden Daniels, Jordan Love and Jared Goff? And the Vikings won? Sadly, Wentz had a 0 percent start rate in Yahoo fantasy leagues, so it looks like no one benefitted from that surprise.

The worst defense of the week was the Texans (-4.00 pts), a team which was widely hyped as the best defense in all of football this year. Let this be a lesson to you yet again never to trust anyone who says they know something about football.

** Just before 1 pm on Saturday, with eight minutes left in the first quarter of the Penn State/Temple game, ESPN broke into its broadcast with its first official “game update” alert of the season. And what news did they flash up on the screen?

“Ohio State vs. Texas, start at 7:30 pm”

That’s not an update, folks. That’s just a date. Or a redate. But there is nothing new to provide on a game set to start seven hours later.

Thankfully, the network kept providing that start-time info to viewers throughout the day, in case you were worried a time distortion had occurred. Oddly enough, Ohio State seemed to think the game ended about 40 minutes before it actually did, but that’s a separate issue.

** Chargers coach John Harbaugh last week stated that “when all is said and done … [QB Justin Herbert] will be considered one of the greatest ever at his position.” Herbert responded to the praise by passing for 209 yds, one TD and one INT in an upset loss to the Cardinals, who are expected to win fewer than five games this season.

Maybe Herbert’s position is actually “unjustified hype machine?” Because he is awfully good at not meeting expectations.

** NFL.com headline on Monday: “What we learned — the top 39 takeaways from Sunday’s Week 1 action.”

Finally, a web site that doesn’t skimp by only giving me three dozen lessons learned.

Just one week into the NFL season, teams are already dealing with a host of major injuries that could reshape their playoff fates. Consider:

** Patriots WR AJ Brown is out at least four weeks with an ankle injury, putting a dent in the New England passing attack.
** Rams DE Myles Garrett will get knee surgery after getting injured in his new team’s opener, and the timetable for his return is unclear.
** Falcons QB Tua Tagovailoa had an oblique strain ahead of Sunday’s game, a total surprise given his long history of good health on the football field.
** Packers DE Micah Parsons is still recovering from a pre-existing knee injury, which is totally the only reason the Packers choked against the Vikings and QB Carson Wentz.
** Raiders TE Brock Bowers was scratched with a knee injury just a day before the season opener, but it didn’t matter because Las Vegas was playing the remains of the Dolphins.
** Browns QB Deshaun Watson was not hurt in Sunday’s loss to the Jaguars, striking a terrible blow to Cleveland’s offensive gameplan for the year.

In the offseason, Dallas QB Dak Prescott coined the term GOTI to describe the team’s scoring attack this season: Greatest Offense There Is. And he followed up that offseason boast with a season opening performance of … 20 points scored, worst among NFC East teams and 22nd in the entire league. Lots of pundits took the opportunity to mock the Cowboys for the misstep (and their loss to the New Jersey Giants) on Monday, but a careful rearrangement of Prescott’s slogan shows what he actually thought of his team’s real potential:

Dallas: Greatest Offense There Is
** False. I see no threat, as dregs left.

Here’s your reminder that since 2000, the Cowboys have won just four playoff games, fewer than all but four teams. But they’re totally still a relevant franchise worthy of the annual hype!

** First week of the season, and Dad and I split our picks — we went 2-2 in the four contests we had different and 10-6 overall. I would have put money on the Packers beating the Vikings, but then again, I didn’t know the unstoppable force that is QB Carson Wentz would be leading Minnesota for the day.

** Tampa Bay rookie LB Josiah Trotter — son of Eagles LB Jeremiah Trotter and brother of Eagles LB Jeremiah Trotter Jr. — made his NFL debut on Sunday, recording four tackles, one sack, an interception and a defensive TD in his team’s loss to the Bengals. I’m starting to think that family might know how to play defense.

** The cheapest Eagles/Titans tickets on SeatGeek are $142 each. Does anyone really want to see this game that badly?

Family Cup — Week 1 standings

House Doyle: 3-0
House Shane: 2-1
House Quinn: 1-2
House Garrity: 0-3

Last year’s House champions picked up right where they left off last year. Not only did Ollie, Lexi and Mike all win their opening matchups, but they had three of the four highest scoring squads of the week. Team Shane’s record took a hit with a head-to-head matchup between Jonathan and Emma (news flash, our team lost again) but still posted a respectable start to the year. And Share overcame my bad QB advice (Stafford over Purdy looked like an obvious move) to gain his house’s first victory of the year.

Awesome Cup — Week 1 standings

1 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 155.43 pts
2 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 138.25 pts
3 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 136.90 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 124.13 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 120.92 pts
6 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 115.92 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Grandmom D), 112.40 pts
8 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 107.41 pts
9 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 105.14 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 99.21 pts

We’re starting the year off right — My three-headed monster of QB Lamar Jackson, WR Zay Flowers and RB David Montgomery combined for more than 70 pts, and getting another 38.50 pts out of my kicker and defense helped a bunch too. Joel had a solid run but left 38 pts on his bench, so there is room for improvement. Everyone in the league topped 100 pts for the week except Jeff (just one five-yard catch short!), so you all deserve a hearty pat on the back.

But don’t rest on your laurels. The games start again Thursday with the Lions and Bills, so hit the waiver wire early and get those rosters set.

Tuesday, September 08, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- preseason rankings

In some ways, the fantasy season is already finished, because mistakes and successes on draft day linger throughout the season. Sure, coaching can play a part in the finish, but your fate has likely already been sealed. So let’s look at how the league is going to play out this season.

But first — I promised a mystery coach in the last post, and that manager is … another ghost. Sam has opted to step away from the competition for this season, which leaves us with 10 teams still on the field. Rather than muck up that nice number, that’s what we’ll stick with. The good news is your odds of winning just jumped from 8 percent to 10 percent! The bad news is your available excuses for failure have decreased.

Onto the final season standings (probably):

All Rogers No Sauce (Joel)
Yahoo ranking: 1993.42 pts, 3rd place
My ranking: 1851.13 pts, 10th place
There’s nothing really wrong with Joel’s team — three solid RBs, three solid WRs, a Pro-Bowl-level QB. I just hate most of those players. QB Drake Maye? Got lucky last year. WR Drake London? Has to catch passes from the worst QBs in the league. RB Travis Etienne? Do we have to watch the Saints this season? The karma on this team just feels funky, sort of like WR Ladd McConkey’s name. Do be surprised if the negative chemistry ends up sending this squad all McConkey by season’s end.

Vert der Ferks (Ant)
Yahoo ranking: 1975.85 pts, 4th place
My ranking: 1944.34 pts, 9th place
Another year, another team where Anthony forgot to block all the Cowboys on his pre-draft rankings list. So while we have a perfectly reasonable group here, the truth is that Ant will look to sabotage his own squad every time he logs in and sees WR CeeDee Lamb and RB Javonte Williams starting back at him. It’s even more upsetting when you see the formidable Eagles Defense backing them up. And he even has TE Jake “Turd” Ferguson on his bench again. It’s a real mess.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Yahoo ranking: 1849.96 pts, 9th place
My ranking: 1999.96 pts, 8th place
I’m just gonna say it, I think Jeff hates the north. Most of his team plays way below the Mason-Dixon line: Four Jacksonville teammates, two Texas players, Tampa WR Emeka Egbuka, the Rams defense. Does LA count as the south? Even his northern players have a southern bent — WR Ja’Marr Chase plays in Cincinnati, or as the locals call it, south Ohio. Probably. It should be noted I never visited there the whole time I lived in Columbus.

It's a Real Saquondary (Bob)
Yahoo ranking: 1936.75 pts, 6th place
My ranking: 2051.77 pts, 7th place
I’m taking pity on Bob and not ranking his team in the top spot this season, but it’s only because I don’t like the players he has. QB Jayden Daniels has bust written all over him. Super Bowl MVP Kenneth Walker III isn’t going to have rushing success in an Andy Reid rushing attack. TE Kyle Pitts shows up for three games a year max. RB Breece Hall plays for the Jets. That’s all a tough hill to climb.

No Lemon Drops (Pop)
Yahoo ranking: 1839.44 pts, 10th place
My ranking: 2145.45 pts, 6th place
Solid name from Dad, and I’m dumbfounded why the computer experts are so down on this team. He’s got fantasy superstar QB Josh Allen. He’s got RB Saquon Barkley and WR Justin Jefferson, both solid performers. He’s got sleeper TE star Harold Fannin Jr. He’s got good potential in TE Sam LaPorta. He’s got reliability in TE Travis Kelce. He’s got potential in TE Mark Andrews … oh, wait, I see it now. At least he can run a lot of triple TE sets.

Death by Chickens (Jonathan)
Yahoo ranking: 1881.82 pts, 8th place
My ranking: 2195.47 pts, 5th place
The boy has finished in one of the top two spots each of the last three years, but it’ll be more of a struggle this season. He has assembled the all-injury all-stars: QB Joe Burrow, WR Malik Nabers, TE George Kittle and RB Jonathon Brook all missed significant time last year on the IR. At least he’s got RB Christian McCaffrey as a solid bet, right? I mean, that guy never gets hurt…

Intravenous de Milo (Mike)
Yahoo ranking: 1964.77, 5th place
My ranking: 2239.82 pts, 4th place
The supporting cast looks great here: RBs Jonathan Taylor and Chase Brown, WRs DeVonta Smith and Jaylen Waddle, TE Tyler Warren and the Lions DEF. But everything hinges on QB Justin Herbert, who has a reputation as an elite quarterback despite never doing anything elite. He finished as the #2 fantasy QB in 2021 and hasn’t finished inside the top 10 since then. But maybe this is the year that Chargers Coach Jim Harbaugh can find a way to unlock his potential through cheating, like he did at Michigan.

Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome)
Yahoo ranking: 2013.78 pts, 1st place
My ranking: 2283.44 pts, 3rd place
Well, crap. Every year I rant on here how the Yahoo predictions are complete and utter garbage, and now the algorithm likes my team the most. That’s a bad, bad sign. It should be noted that I have an all-Pro QB (Lamar Jackson), two killer fantasy RBs (James Cook and DeVon Achane) the top fantasy TE from last year (Trey McBride), and a pair of defensive studs (Maxx Crosby and Myles Garrett), so I understand the computer’s reasoning. But part of me worries that if I succeed, I’ll be validating the stupid computer. Will that hold back my coaching genius? We will see.

Zeus the Fluffy (Jo)
Yahoo ranking: 1881.83 pts, 7th place
My ranking: 2344.32 pts, 2nd place
At the risk of causing problems in my own home, this looks like a solid team to me. QB Jalen Hurts facing down his doubters. RBs Omarion Hampton and Quinshon Judkins quietly amassing fantasy points. A wide receiving corps that has Puka Nacua, Chris Olave, Tetairoa McMillan, Luther Burden III before we get to the bench? And the Broncos DEF, which could be the best in the NFL. This is a solid team, and the algorithm hates it. I couldn’t be more confident this will all work out.

DeVonta’s Inferno (Grandmom D)
Yahoo ranking: 2010.39, 2nd place
My ranking: 2417.01 pts, 1st place
The only thing better than a stable of stud wideouts — like Jo’s team — is a stable of stud RBs, which this team boasts. Bijan Robinson, D'Andre Swift, Jadarian Price and MarShawn Lloyd will all get a chance to play. TE Brock Bowers could have a huge bounce back season. WR AJ Brown is probably gonna break out Philly hearts. And QB Matt Stafford — all 87 years of him — is back for one more ride with one of the best offenses in the league. All the pieces are here for Grandmom to succeed and claim her first title. No pressure.

There you have it, folks. The Eagles open the season on Sunday, but the Patriots and Seahawks square off in the opener on WEDNESDAY followed by an Australia game on Thursday evening. Hey, you had six months not to watch pro football. Now get ready for it all the time, whenever it’s least convenient.

Get those rosters set, and good luck.

Wednesday, September 02, 2026

Fantasy football 2025 -- Family Cup draft order announcement

The ShaneDoyleQuinnGarrity Family Cup fantasy league is officially back for its second season, bringing our four houses back again to the field of battle to answer which bloodline remains the finest at … randomly guessing which professional athletes will collect the best statistics. Honestly, the stakes could not be any higher.

In case you forgot how our inaugural season finished, House Doyle (Mike, Lexi and Ollie) etched their family name into the championship trophy, while Jim managed to bring honor to Team Garrity by winning the individual title. Everyone is back again this year, and the team mascots are present for the official draft order selection ceremony at Fort Awesome.

First, a little clarity on the draft order rules. Each house will pick in reverse order of finish from last year (Team Quinn, Team Shane, Team Garrity and Team Doyle) to ensure balance among all of the families. That means not two teammates will pick back-to-back. All of Team Quinn and 2/3rds of Team Shane are present for the selection ceremony, but none of them will be allowed to pick any names out of the Sorting Helmet. Instead, that honor will fall to Joanna, who will likely be rooting against all of our teams soon enough as she has to put up with me running two leagues of nonsense.

All of the house mascots are ready to cheer for their warriors, so let us dive in:

Pick #12 — Mike (Team Doyle)

A mighty squeal goes up from Team Doyle’s Cunning Axolotl, which embodies the family’s spirit of adaptability and strategic prowess. Mike finished second in the standings last year, so any sensible system would have had him picking low this season. But this is not a competition for the sensible, it is a competition of passion and heart, so the next pick goes to…

Pick #11 — Shelly (Team Garrity)

Team Garrity’s striking mascot, the Skittish Emu, emits a loud drumming noise as a sign of warning to the other families. Shelly finished fourth in the league last year — not good enough for a medal, but that’s ok because we never gave out any medals. She’ll have to rise above her draft position to repeat this season. The next name out of the helmet belongs to…

Pick #10 — Pop Shane (Team Shane)
The Noble Otter of Team Shane spins onto his back and beats his belly in a confident challenge to the other families who have dismissed his family’s chances this season. Pop finished a disappointing ninth in the league last year but first in the Awesome Cup competition, so maybe that success can translate better for his whole clan this season. Our last family now gets its first player onto the board:

Pick #9 — Tommy (Team Quinn)
That high-pitched clicking noise you are hearing is the battle cry of Team Quinn’s animal spirit, the Aggressive Anteater. This family failed to place any teams in the top half of the standings last season, but they have been scouring the football headlines for advantages the whole offseason, like their anteater has been vacuuming the ground for morsels to eat. Ignore them at your peril. Speaking of peril, the next player on the draft order is …

Pick #8 — Lexi (Team Doyle)

Team Doyle’s mascot is also named Lexi, so this is going to be a confusing situation throughout the year. Her team finished first in the regular season but third in the playoffs, so she’ll be looking to swim to another strong finish with the help of her team. Unfortunately, her whole team is one hour behind the rest of the football world in Wisconsin, so they’ll always be trying to catch up. Onto the next family:

Pick #7 — Jimmy (Team Garrity)

Jimmy was the only member of Team Garrity not to make the playoffs next year, but he’ll have to redeem himself from the back half of the draft. The emu has started pecking at the axolotl’s tank, so we could have a major problem here soon. Moving quickly along…

Pick #6 — Emma (Team Shane)

The otter applauds the selection by attempting to wash the draft slip on its belly. Emma’s team was the hard-luck loser for most of last year, finishing 1-11-1 in the regular season but 2-1 in the loser bracket playoffs. Five names remain in the helmet …

Pick #5 — Shane (Team Quinn)

Our most confusing coach — Shane is on Team Quinn, not on Team Shane, obviously — will pick on the earlier end of the draft. That’s assuming he survives the anteater, who has started licking everything in the hopes of finding protein. Our final representatives from each house are all that is left in the pile. Next up:

Pick #4 — Ollie (Team Doyle)

Ollie becomes the standard bearer for his family, grabbing the top pick available to his clan. The house axolotl smiles in approval. Actually, it’s hard to tell, those weird little salamanders always look like they are smiling. Onto the final three names…

Pick #3 — Jim (Team Garrity)

Last year’s champion wins again — Jim snags a high selection which will get him pretty much anyone but RBs Jahmyr Gibbs or Bijan Robinson (unless other coaches make weird picks). His house emu bobs its head in response, then goes searching for grasshoppers to eat. Another name out of the helmet, and our draft runner up is …

Pick #2 — Jonathan (Team Shane)

The youngest Awesome Cup champion in league history had a tougher road in this league last year, but getting the second selection in the draft should help in year two. The otter tosses a clam his way for good luck. The animals have turned this place into a disaster. Let’s wrap this up with our final coach:

Pick #1 — Grandmom Shane (Team Quinn)

Both Grandmom and the house anteater glance around the room, trying to remember how the Garrity-turned-Shane landed in Team Quinn. No matter. Whatever her allegiance, she gets the top pick in this year’s draft, setting up her team and house for success.

The draft is set, folks. The order is getting put into the system your player rankings need to be squared away ASAP. Now is the time to block all those Cowboys from getting on your roster. I’ll switch the league over to autodraft sometime after Friday night (Sept. 4) so don’t delay.

Just like the Fast and the Furious movies, this league is all about family. Don’t crash and burn. Remember what you are fighting for:

Tuesday, September 01, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- Awesome Cup draft order announcement

It’s hard to believe it, but 2026 marks the 25th season of the Who Needs Linebackers fantasy league. I remember when we first started this competition, I thought, “I wonder if I’ll spend half of my life making nonsensical fantasy jokes for an adoring fan base of around a dozen friends.” Always follow your dreams, folks.

Speaking of dreamers, we have a whole bunch of managers here aspiring to unseat last year’s Awesome Cup champion, Pop. He showed exceptional poise and strategery throughout the 2025 season, but that’s all in the past now. All teams start with a clean slate and the same visions of glory.

And that all begins with the draft. In case you have forgotten, here are the rules established for the draft order selection process. Since all of our managers can’t be present, and since this is a special anniversary season, I have invited famous #25s from NFL history to stand in for each of our teams. The youngest resident of Fort Awesome is ready to pull the names out of the sorting hat, and the first coach on the board is:

Pick #12 — Mystery coach
OK, I guess we’re not completely ready for the season. Paul has opted to step away from his coaching duties this season to pursue a lucrative contract coaching a fantasy futebal team, riding the excitement of the World Cup to new heights. We wish him well. There is another ready to step in his place, but that team won’t be announced until next week. In the meantime, the mystery’s coach’s representative — Seahawks Super Bowl champion CB Richard Sherman — tosses his #25 jersey to the floor and asks what all this nonsense is about. We quickly shift to the next name:

Pick #11 — Pop
Last year’s champion should be picking at the bottom of the order this season, so this feels right. Pop’s proxy — Eagles DB Patrick Chung, who won three Super Bowls with the Patriots — raises an eyebrow in silent resignation. Then he points to Pop’s three Awesome Cup titles, and we move along to the next name:

Pick #10 — Capt. Awesome
My fourth-place finish last season was the eighth top-four performance in the last 10 years, but I’ve only got one championship over that time frame to show for my team’s excellence. Hopefully they will be inspired this year by my #25: Eagles All-Pro RB Shady McCoy, who plows over Chung and Sherman just to make a point. The youngest Fort Awesome resident asks why I need a representative if I’m in the room for all of this. I tell her to trust the process, and we plow ahead:

Pick #9 — Bob
Tough draw for Bob, who should be drafting a little lower than this based on his 5th-place showing in 2025. Still, the pick gets a fist pump from Eagles RB Charlie Garner, who wore #25 back before Bob graduated from high school. Bob could use a back like that for his squad this year. Another name comes out of the helmet:

Pick #8 — Ant
Ha! Ant picked #8 last year and ends up in the exact same spot this year, thanks to this ridiculous system. His 6th-place finish last year was respectable, but lacked some of the excitement needed for true victory. But perhaps he can pull some of that from Mr. Excitement himself, Anthony’s team rep, the great running back … Reno Mahe, all 212 pounds of him. Did you know he spent five years on the Eagles and totaled just 196 rushing yards? In fairness, he did collect 95 kickoff and punt returns for 851 yards. That’s not a lot of fantasy points, but every bit helps. Next coach on the clock:

Pick #7 — Mike
Mike finished third last season but hasn’t snagged the trophy since the Covid-mess year of 2020. This year, he’s got a rejuvenated team and a new attitude, just like his team mentor: Former Packers and Eagles RB Dorsey Levens, the only player to wear #25 in green for both teams (probably, I’m not fact checking that). He turns to give Mahe a high five, but Reno cowers and scampers away. We also move along:

Pick #6 — Sam
Same finished in 9th last year even though Yahoo named him the best team based on their pre-season projections. Who knew AI could make mistakes? Sam’s stand-in is the greatest #25 in Carolina Panthers history: Two-time Pro Bowl DB Eric Davis, who intercepts the draft slip and spikes it on the ground. This being a carpeted room, it just kind of sits there. After a moment of silence, we pull the next coach’s name:

Pick #5 — Jonathan
The boy finished second last season but ends up picking in the top half of the draft, because fantasy football is not fair. His proxy — Eagles Hall of Fame WR Tommy McDonald — signals TD in celebration. If this kid wins his third title in four years, we’re gonna have to kick him out of the league. We grumble and push ahead:

Pick #4 — Jo
It was a tough seventh-place finish for Joanna last season, but she’s ready to kick that aside and start this year anew. And in steps in her proxy to help her do that: Five clones of Eagles punter Jeff Feagles, who wore #5 during his career. The youngest Fort Awesome resident complains that there should not be any extra math work in these silly blog posts. I agree, and we turn to…

Pick #3 — Jeff
Blue Collar Killers is on the board with a solid pick to start off the season. His rep — Buckeyes RB Bo Jackson, who wears a college #25 — strikes the Heisman pose in jubilation. He then asks if participating in this exercise makes him eligible for any extra NIL bonuses. It does not. We have just two names left…

Pick #2 — Grandmom Doyle
Grandmom can thank her granddaughter for setting her season up on the right track, giving her once of top two players in the league to build around. Her representative, Eagles All-Pro FB Tom Sullivan, knocks over a set of chairs in response to the pick. That leaves our draft day winner as …

Pick #1 — Joel
Joel finished second to last in 2025, but snagging the top pick should help him start faster in 2026. His proxy … oh, Richard Sherman is back, demanding a real person to represent … so, sure, Richard Sherman strikes a defiant pose to dare all rivals.

That’s it, friends. The draft order will be put into the system in the next few days, and the draft switch will be turned on after Friday (Sept. 4) night. That means it’s time to get your player rankings all squared away: Block all the Cowboys, block the Patriots, block Eli Manning (just to be safe).

Thanks again for joining up for a season of nonsense, and Go Birds.

Oh, and here's a final reminder of what you are playing for:

On base at Fort Awesome

Tuesday, October 06, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 4 recap

Tuesday, September 29, 2026

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 3 recap