Fantasy football 2026 -- week 1 recap

The Eagles on Sunday unveiled their new gameplan under first-year offensive playcaller Sean Mannion, who was tasked with revitalizing a stagnant offense from last season. The differences were subtle but significant. Here’s a closer look at the new wrinkles:

— Instead of predictable runs on first down, the team used predictable runs on first and second down.
— QB Jalen Hurts fell to the right side on easily avoidable sacks instead of falling to the left.
— Last year the offense ignored WR AJ Brown for long stretches of the game. On Sunday, they switched that up by ignoring WR DeVonta Smith for long stretches.
— Rookie wideout Makai Lemon and Barkley combined for four catches for -8 yards, so that was … a choice.
— Hurts actually remembered how to run again, which was nice to see.
— Instead of being frustrating for the entire game, the offense was only frustrating for long sections of the game.

I, for one, am looking forward to what Sean Patullo brings to the table for the rest of the schedule.

QB: Caleb Williams, 41.26 pts — on Ant’s bench
WR: Jalen Coker, 25.20 pts — on Jo’s bench
RB: Derrick Henry, 34.17 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Isaiah Likely, 21.20 pts — on Joel’s bench
K: Evan McPherson, 19.50 pts — started by me
DEF: Pittsburgh, 19.00 pts — started by me
D: TJ Watt, 14.50 pts — started by Jonathan

Jonathan and I are in mid-season form. Everybody else? Eh.

Williams barely edged out Bills QB Josh Allen (39.66 pts) as the top QB of the week. Both passed for two TDs and rushed for two TDs, but Williams had 41 more rushing yds on the day. Jalen Hurts finished 6th. Dallas QB Dak Prescott finished 17th, but Anthony opted to start him instead of Williams.

Watt had four tackles, two sacks, and a game-sealing interception returned for a TD in Pittsburgh’s 20-13 win over the Falcons, but it was a quiet day other than that.

“Welcome back” edition

3rd place: Nick Mullens, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Kyler Murray, -0.38 pts — on Jeff’s bench
1st place: Tyrone Tracy Jr., -0.60 pts — on the wire

Makai Lemon did not end up on the worst performers list, but you’ll be happy to know that you have more career receiving yards right now (zero) than the Eagles first-round pick (-5). Bring that up in your next job interview.

Murray took a brutal hit early in Sunday’s Viking/Packers game, which led to Minnesota having to turn to backup QB Carson Wentz for the remainder of the contest. And that went about as well as you’d … wait, wut? Wentz had three TDs and 25.22 fantasy pts, better than Jayden Daniels, Jordan Love and Jared Goff? And the Vikings won? Sadly, Wentz had a 0 percent start rate in Yahoo fantasy leagues, so it looks like no one benefitted from that surprise.

The worst defense of the week was the Texans (-4.00 pts), a team which was widely hyped as the best defense in all of football this year. Let this be a lesson to you yet again never to trust anyone who says they know something about football.


** Just before 1 pm on Saturday, with eight minutes left in the first quarter of the Penn State/Temple game, ESPN broke into its broadcast with its first official “game update” alert of the season. And what news did they flash up on the screen?

 
“Ohio State vs. Texas, start at 7:30 pm”

That’s not an update, folks. That’s just a date. Or a redate. But there is nothing new to provide on a game set to start seven hours later.

Thankfully, the network kept providing that start-time info to viewers throughout the day, in case you were worried a time distortion had occurred. Oddly enough, Ohio State seemed to think the game ended about 40 minutes before it actually did, but that’s a separate issue.

** Chargers coach John Harbaugh last week stated that “when all is said and done … [QB Justin Herbert] will be considered one of the greatest ever at his position.” Herbert responded to the praise by passing for 209 yds, one TD and one INT in an upset loss to the Cardinals, who are expected to win fewer than five games this season.

 
Maybe Herbert’s position is actually “unjustified hype machine?” Because he is awfully good at not meeting expectations.

** NFL.com headline on Monday: “What we learned — the top 39 takeaways from Sunday’s Week 1 action.”

Finally, a web site that doesn’t skimp by only giving me three dozen lessons learned.

Just one week into the NFL season, teams are already dealing with a host of major injuries that could reshape their playoff fates. Consider:

** Patriots WR AJ Brown is out at least four weeks with an ankle injury, putting a dent in the New England passing attack.
** Rams DE Myles Garrett will get knee surgery after getting injured in his new team’s opener, and the timetable for his return is unclear.
** Falcons QB Tua Tagovailoa had an oblique strain ahead of Sunday’s game, a total surprise given his long history of good health on the football field.
** Packers DE Micah Parsons is still recovering from a pre-existing knee injury, which is totally the only reason the Packers choked against the Vikings and QB Carson Wentz.
** Raiders TE Brock Bowers was scratched with a knee injury just a day before the season opener, but it didn’t matter because Las Vegas was playing the remains of the Dolphins.
** Browns QB Deshaun Watson was not hurt in Sunday’s loss to the Jaguars, striking a terrible blow to Cleveland’s offensive gameplan for the year.


In the offseason, Dallas QB Dak Prescott coined the term GOTI to describe the team’s scoring attack this season: Greatest Offense There Is. And he followed up that offseason boast with a season opening performance of … 20 points scored, worst among NFC East teams and 22nd in the entire league. Lots of pundits took the opportunity to mock the Cowboys for the misstep (and their loss to the New Jersey Giants) on Monday, but a careful rearrangement of Prescott’s slogan shows what he actually thought of his team’s real potential:

Dallas: Greatest Offense There Is
** False. I see no threat, as dregs left.

Here’s your reminder that since 2000, the Cowboys have won just four playoff games, fewer than all but four teams. But they’re totally still a relevant franchise worthy of the annual hype!

** First week of the season, and Dad and I split our picks — we went 2-2 in the four contests we had different and 10-6 overall. I would have put money on the Packers beating the Vikings, but then again, I didn’t know the unstoppable force that is QB Carson Wentz would be leading Minnesota for the day.

** Tampa Bay rookie LB Josiah Trotter — son of Eagles LB Jeremiah Trotter and brother of Eagles LB Jeremiah Trotter Jr. — made his NFL debut on Sunday, recording four tackles, one sack, an interception and a defensive TD in his team’s loss to the Bengals. I’m starting to think that family might know how to play defense.

** The cheapest Eagles/Titans tickets on SeatGeek are $142 each. Does anyone really want to see this game that badly?

Family Cup — Week 1 standings

House Doyle: 3-0
House Shane: 2-1
House Quinn: 1-2
House Garrity: 0-3

Last year’s House champions picked up right where they left off last year. Not only did Ollie, Lexi and Mike all win their opening matchups, but they had three of the four highest scoring squads of the week. Team Shane’s record took a hit with a head-to-head matchup between Jonathan and Emma (news flash, our team lost again) but still posted a respectable start to the year. And Share overcame my bad QB advice (Stafford over Purdy looked like an obvious move) to gain his house’s first victory of the year.

Awesome Cup — Week 1 standings

1 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 155.43 pts
2 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 138.25 pts
3 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 136.90 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 124.13 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 120.92 pts
6 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 115.92 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Grandmom D), 112.40 pts
8 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 107.41 pts
9 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 105.14 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 99.21 pts

We’re starting the year off right — My three-headed monster of QB Lamar Jackson, WR Zay Flowers and RB David Montgomery combined for more than 70 pts, and getting another 38.50 pts out of my kicker and defense helped a bunch too. Joel had a solid run but left 38 pts on his bench, so there is room for improvement. Everyone in the league topped 100 pts for the week except Jeff (just one five-yard catch short!), so you all deserve a hearty pat on the back.

But don’t rest on your laurels. The games start again Thursday with the Lions and Bills, so hit the waiver wire early and get those rosters set.

Fantasy football 2026 -- preseason rankings

In some ways, the fantasy season is already finished, because mistakes and successes on draft day linger throughout the season. Sure, coaching can play a part in the finish, but your fate has likely already been sealed. So let’s look at how the league is going to play out this season.

But first — I promised a mystery coach in the last post, and that manager is … another ghost. Sam has opted to step away from the competition for this season, which leaves us with 10 teams still on the field. Rather than muck up that nice number, that’s what we’ll stick with. The good news is your odds of winning just jumped from 8 percent to 10 percent! The bad news is your available excuses for failure have decreased.

Onto the final season standings (probably):

All Rogers No Sauce (Joel)
Yahoo ranking: 1993.42 pts, 3rd place
My ranking: 1851.13 pts, 10th place
There’s nothing really wrong with Joel’s team — three solid RBs, three solid WRs, a Pro-Bowl-level QB. I just hate most of those players. QB Drake Maye? Got lucky last year. WR Drake London? Has to catch passes from the worst QBs in the league. RB Travis Etienne? Do we have to watch the Saints this season? The karma on this team just feels funky, sort of like WR Ladd McConkey’s name. Do be surprised if the negative chemistry ends up sending this squad all McConkey by season’s end.

Vert der Ferks (Ant)
Yahoo ranking: 1975.85 pts, 4th place
My ranking: 1944.34 pts, 9th place
Another year, another team where Anthony forgot to block all the Cowboys on his pre-draft rankings list. So while we have a perfectly reasonable group here, the truth is that Ant will look to sabotage his own squad every time he logs in and sees WR CeeDee Lamb and RB Javonte Williams starting back at him. It’s even more upsetting when you see the formidable Eagles Defense backing them up. And he even has TE Jake “Turd” Ferguson on his bench again. It’s a real mess.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Yahoo ranking: 1849.96 pts, 9th place
My ranking: 1999.96 pts, 8th place
I’m just gonna say it, I think Jeff hates the north. Most of his team plays way below the Mason-Dixon line: Four Jacksonville teammates, two Texas players, Tampa WR Emeka Egbuka, the Rams defense. Does LA count as the south? Even his northern players have a southern bent — WR Ja’Marr Chase plays in Cincinnati, or as the locals call it, south Ohio. Probably. It should be noted I never visited there the whole time I lived in Columbus.

It's a Real Saquondary (Bob)
Yahoo ranking: 1936.75 pts, 6th place
My ranking: 2051.77 pts, 7th place
I’m taking pity on Bob and not ranking his team in the top spot this season, but it’s only because I don’t like the players he has. QB Jayden Daniels has bust written all over him. Super Bowl MVP Kenneth Walker III isn’t going to have rushing success in an Andy Reid rushing attack. TE Kyle Pitts shows up for three games a year max. RB Breece Hall plays for the Jets. That’s all a tough hill to climb.

No Lemon Drops (Pop)
Yahoo ranking: 1839.44 pts, 10th place
My ranking: 2145.45 pts, 6th place
Solid name from Dad, and I’m dumbfounded why the computer experts are so down on this team. He’s got fantasy superstar QB Josh Allen. He’s got RB Saquon Barkley and WR Justin Jefferson, both solid performers. He’s got sleeper TE star Harold Fannin Jr. He’s got good potential in TE Sam LaPorta. He’s got reliability in TE Travis Kelce. He’s got potential in TE Mark Andrews … oh, wait, I see it now. At least he can run a lot of triple TE sets.

Death by Chickens (Jonathan)
Yahoo ranking: 1881.82 pts, 8th place
My ranking: 2195.47 pts, 5th place
The boy has finished in one of the top two spots each of the last three years, but it’ll be more of a struggle this season. He has assembled the all-injury all-stars: QB Joe Burrow, WR Malik Nabers, TE George Kittle and RB Jonathon Brook all missed significant time last year on the IR. At least he’s got RB Christian McCaffrey as a solid bet, right? I mean, that guy never gets hurt…

Intravenous de Milo (Mike)
Yahoo ranking: 1964.77, 5th place
My ranking: 2239.82 pts, 4th place
The supporting cast looks great here: RBs Jonathan Taylor and Chase Brown, WRs DeVonta Smith and Jaylen Waddle, TE Tyler Warren and the Lions DEF. But everything hinges on QB Justin Herbert, who has a reputation as an elite quarterback despite never doing anything elite. He finished as the #2 fantasy QB in 2021 and hasn’t finished inside the top 10 since then. But maybe this is the year that Chargers Coach Jim Harbaugh can find a way to unlock his potential through cheating, like he did at Michigan.

Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome)
Yahoo ranking: 2013.78 pts, 1st place
My ranking: 2283.44 pts, 3rd place
Well, crap. Every year I rant on here how the Yahoo predictions are complete and utter garbage, and now the algorithm likes my team the most. That’s a bad, bad sign. It should be noted that I have an all-Pro QB (Lamar Jackson), two killer fantasy RBs (James Cook and DeVon Achane) the top fantasy TE from last year (Trey McBride), and a pair of defensive studs (Maxx Crosby and Myles Garrett), so I understand the computer’s reasoning. But part of me worries that if I succeed, I’ll be validating the stupid computer. Will that hold back my coaching genius? We will see.

Zeus the Fluffy (Jo)
Yahoo ranking: 1881.83 pts, 7th place
My ranking: 2344.32 pts, 2nd place
At the risk of causing problems in my own home, this looks like a solid team to me. QB Jalen Hurts facing down his doubters. RBs Omarion Hampton and Quinshon Judkins quietly amassing fantasy points. A wide receiving corps that has Puka Nacua, Chris Olave, Tetairoa McMillan, Luther Burden III before we get to the bench? And the Broncos DEF, which could be the best in the NFL. This is a solid team, and the algorithm hates it. I couldn’t be more confident this will all work out.

DeVonta’s Inferno (Grandmom D)
Yahoo ranking: 2010.39, 2nd place
My ranking: 2417.01 pts, 1st place
The only thing better than a stable of stud wideouts — like Jo’s team — is a stable of stud RBs, which this team boasts. Bijan Robinson, D'Andre Swift, Jadarian Price and MarShawn Lloyd will all get a chance to play. TE Brock Bowers could have a huge bounce back season. WR AJ Brown is probably gonna break out Philly hearts. And QB Matt Stafford — all 87 years of him — is back for one more ride with one of the best offenses in the league. All the pieces are here for Grandmom to succeed and claim her first title. No pressure.

There you have it, folks. The Eagles open the season on Sunday, but the Patriots and Seahawks square off in the opener on WEDNESDAY followed by an Australia game on Thursday evening. Hey, you had six months not to watch pro football. Now get ready for it all the time, whenever it’s least convenient.

Get those rosters set, and good luck.

Fantasy football 2025 -- Family Cup draft order announcement

The ShaneDoyleQuinnGarrity Family Cup fantasy league is officially back for its second season, bringing our four houses back again to the field of battle to answer which bloodline remains the finest at … randomly guessing which professional athletes will collect the best statistics. Honestly, the stakes could not be any higher.

In case you forgot how our inaugural season finished, House Doyle (Mike, Lexi and Ollie) etched their family name into the championship trophy, while Jim managed to bring honor to Team Garrity by winning the individual title. Everyone is back again this year, and the team mascots are present for the official draft order selection ceremony at Fort Awesome.

First, a little clarity on the draft order rules. Each house will pick in reverse order of finish from last year (Team Quinn, Team Shane, Team Garrity and Team Doyle) to ensure balance among all of the families. That means not two teammates will pick back-to-back. All of Team Quinn and 2/3rds of Team Shane are present for the selection ceremony, but none of them will be allowed to pick any names out of the Sorting Helmet. Instead, that honor will fall to Joanna, who will likely be rooting against all of our teams soon enough as she has to put up with me running two leagues of nonsense.

All of the house mascots are ready to cheer for their warriors, so let us dive in:

Pick #12 — Mike (Team Doyle)

A mighty squeal goes up from Team Doyle’s Cunning Axolotl, which embodies the family’s spirit of adaptability and strategic prowess. Mike finished second in the standings last year, so any sensible system would have had him picking low this season. But this is not a competition for the sensible, it is a competition of passion and heart, so the next pick goes to…

Pick #11 — Shelly (Team Garrity) 

Team Garrity’s striking mascot, the Skittish Emu, emits a loud drumming noise as a sign of warning to the other families. Shelly finished fourth in the league last year — not good enough for a medal, but that’s ok because we never gave out any medals. She’ll have to rise above her draft position to repeat this season. The next name out of the helmet belongs to…

Pick #10 — Pop Shane (Team Shane) 

The Noble Otter of Team Shane spins onto his back and beats his belly in a confident challenge to the other families who have dismissed his family’s chances this season. Pop finished a disappointing ninth in the league last year but first in the Awesome Cup competition, so maybe that success can translate better for his whole clan this season. Our last family now gets its first player onto the board:

Pick #9 — Tommy (Team Quinn) 

That high-pitched clicking noise you are hearing is the battle cry of Team Quinn’s animal spirit, the Aggressive Anteater. This family failed to place any teams in the top half of the standings last season, but they have been scouring the football headlines for advantages the whole offseason, like their anteater has been vacuuming the ground for morsels to eat. Ignore them at your peril. Speaking of peril, the next player on the draft order is …

Pick #8 — Lexi (Team Doyle)

Team Doyle’s mascot is also named Lexi, so this is going to be a confusing situation throughout the year. Her team finished first in the regular season but third in the playoffs, so she’ll be looking to swim to another strong finish with the help of her team. Unfortunately, her whole team is one hour behind the rest of the football world in Wisconsin, so they’ll always be trying to catch up. Onto the next family:

Pick #7 — Jimmy (Team Garrity)
Jimmy was the only member of Team Garrity not to make the playoffs next year, but he’ll have to redeem himself from the back half of the draft. The emu has started pecking at the axolotl’s tank, so we could have a major problem here soon. Moving quickly along…

Pick #6 — Emma (Team Shane)
The otter applauds the selection by attempting to wash the draft slip on its belly. Emma’s team was the hard-luck loser for most of last year, finishing 1-11-1 in the regular season but 2-1 in the loser bracket playoffs. Five names remain in the helmet …

Pick #5 — Shane (Team Quinn)
Our most confusing coach — Shane is on Team Quinn, not on Team Shane, obviously — will pick on the earlier end of the draft. That’s assuming he survives the anteater, who has started licking everything in the hopes of finding protein. Our final representatives from each house are all that is left in the pile. Next up:

Pick #4 — Ollie (Team Doyle)

Ollie becomes the standard bearer for his family, grabbing the top pick available to his clan. The house axolotl smiles in approval. Actually, it’s hard to tell, those weird little salamanders always look like they are smiling. Onto the final three names…

Pick #3 — Jim (Team Garrity)
Last year’s champion wins again — Jim snags a high selection which will get him pretty much anyone but RBs Jahmyr Gibbs or Bijan Robinson (unless other coaches make weird picks). His house emu bobs its head in response, then goes searching for grasshoppers to eat. Another name out of the helmet, and our draft runner up is …

Pick #2 — Jonathan (Team Shane)
The youngest Awesome Cup champion in league history had a tougher road in this league last year, but getting the second selection in the draft should help in year two. The otter tosses a clam his way for good luck. The animals have turned this place into a disaster. Let’s wrap this up with our final coach:

Pick #1 — Grandmom Shane (Team Quinn)
Both Grandmom and the house anteater glance around the room, trying to remember how the Garrity-turned-Shane landed in Team Quinn. No matter. Whatever her allegiance, she gets the top pick in this year’s draft, setting up her team and house for success.

The draft is set, folks. The order is getting put into the system your player rankings need to be squared away ASAP. Now is the time to block all those Cowboys from getting on your roster. I’ll switch the league over to autodraft sometime after Friday night (Sept. 4) so don’t delay.

Just like the Fast and the Furious movies, this league is all about family. Don’t crash and burn. Remember what you are fighting for: 

Fantasy football 2026 -- Awesome Cup draft order announcement

It’s hard to believe it, but 2026 marks the 25th season of the Who Needs Linebackers fantasy league. I remember when we first started this competition, I thought, “I wonder if I’ll spend half of my life making nonsensical fantasy jokes for an adoring fan base of around a dozen friends.” Always follow your dreams, folks.

Speaking of dreamers, we have a whole bunch of managers here aspiring to unseat last year’s Awesome Cup champion, Pop. He showed exceptional poise and strategery throughout the 2025 season, but that’s all in the past now. All teams start with a clean slate and the same visions of glory.

And that all begins with the draft. In case you have forgotten, here are the rules established for the draft order selection process. Since all of our managers can’t be present, and since this is a special anniversary season, I have invited famous #25s from NFL history to stand in for each of our teams. The youngest resident of Fort Awesome is ready to pull the names out of the sorting hat, and the first coach on the board is: 

Pick #12 — Mystery coach
OK, I guess we’re not completely ready for the season. Paul has opted to step away from his coaching duties this season to pursue a lucrative contract coaching a fantasy futebal team, riding the excitement of the World Cup to new heights. We wish him well. There is another ready to step in his place, but that team won’t be announced until next week. In the meantime, the mystery’s coach’s representative — Seahawks Super Bowl champion CB Richard Sherman — tosses his #25 jersey to the floor and asks what all this nonsense is about. We quickly shift to the next name:

Pick #11 — Pop
Last year’s champion should be picking at the bottom of the order this season, so this feels right. Pop’s proxy — Eagles DB Patrick Chung, who won three Super Bowls with the Patriots — raises an eyebrow in silent resignation. Then he points to Pop’s three Awesome Cup titles, and we move along to the next name:

Pick #10 — Capt. Awesome
My fourth-place finish last season was the eighth top-four performance in the last 10 years, but I’ve only got one championship over that time frame to show for my team’s excellence. Hopefully they will be inspired this year by my #25: Eagles All-Pro RB Shady McCoy, who plows over Chung and Sherman just to make a point. The youngest Fort Awesome resident asks why I need a representative if I’m in the room for all of this. I tell her to trust the process, and we plow ahead:

Pick #9 — Bob
Tough draw for Bob, who should be drafting a little lower than this based on his 5th-place showing in 2025. Still, the pick gets a fist pump from Eagles RB Charlie Garner, who wore #25 back before Bob graduated from high school. Bob could use a back like that for his squad this year. Another name comes out of the helmet:

Pick #8 — Ant
Ha! Ant picked #8 last year and ends up in the exact same spot this year, thanks to this ridiculous system. His 6th-place finish last year was respectable, but lacked some of the excitement needed for true victory. But perhaps he can pull some of that from Mr. Excitement himself, Anthony’s team rep, the great running back … Reno Mahe, all 212 pounds of him. Did you know he spent five years on the Eagles and totaled just 196 rushing yards? In fairness, he did collect 95 kickoff and punt returns for 851 yards. That’s not a lot of fantasy points, but every bit helps. Next coach on the clock:

Pick #7 — Mike
Mike finished third last season but hasn’t snagged the trophy since the Covid-mess year of 2020. This year, he’s got a rejuvenated team and a new attitude, just like his team mentor: Former Packers and Eagles RB Dorsey Levens, the only player to wear #25 in green for both teams (probably, I’m not fact checking that). He turns to give Mahe a high five, but Reno cowers and scampers away. We also move along:

Pick #6 — Sam
Same finished in 9th last year even though Yahoo named him the best team based on their pre-season projections. Who knew AI could make mistakes? Sam’s stand-in is the greatest #25 in Carolina Panthers history: Two-time Pro Bowl DB Eric Davis, who intercepts the draft slip and spikes it on the ground. This being a carpeted room, it just kind of sits there. After a moment of silence, we pull the next coach’s name:

Pick #5 — Jonathan
The boy finished second last season but ends up picking in the top half of the draft, because fantasy football is not fair. His proxy — Eagles Hall of Fame WR Tommy McDonald — signals TD in celebration. If this kid wins his third title in four years, we’re gonna have to kick him out of the league. We grumble and push ahead:

Pick #4 — Jo
It was a tough seventh-place finish for Joanna last season, but she’s ready to kick that aside and start this year anew. And in steps in her proxy to help her do that: Five clones of Eagles punter Jeff Feagles, who wore #5 during his career. The youngest Fort Awesome resident complains that there should not be any extra math work in these silly blog posts. I agree, and we turn to…

Pick #3 — Jeff
Blue Collar Killers is on the board with a solid pick to start off the season. His rep — Buckeyes RB Bo Jackson, who wears a college #25 — strikes the Heisman pose in jubilation. He then asks if participating in this exercise makes him eligible for any extra NIL bonuses. It does not. We have just two names left…

Pick #2 — Grandmom Doyle
Grandmom can thank her granddaughter for setting her season up on the right track, giving her once of top two players in the league to build around. Her representative, Eagles All-Pro FB Tom Sullivan, knocks over a set of chairs in response to the pick. That leaves our draft day winner as …

Pick #1 — Joel
Joel finished second to last in 2025, but snagging the top pick should help him start faster in 2026. His proxy … oh, Richard Sherman is back, demanding a real person to represent … so, sure, Richard Sherman strikes a defiant pose to dare all rivals.

That’s it, friends. The draft order will be put into the system in the next few days, and the draft switch will be turned on after Friday (Sept. 4) night. That means it’s time to get your player rankings all squared away: Block all the Cowboys, block the Patriots, block Eli Manning (just to be safe).

Thanks again for joining up for a season of nonsense, and Go Birds.

Oh, and here's a final reminder of what you are playing for:   

Fantasy football 2025 -- final season standings

It has been a long journey, but we’ve finally arrived at our season's destination: the crowning of the 24th annual Awesome Cup champion. But you can’t have a king or queen without all the peasants below them, so let’s look at how our 11 runners-up fared before we present the trophy:

The B Sharps (Paul)

Yahoo pre-season ranking:1856.86 pts, 7th place
My pre-season ranking: 1736.92 pts, 11th place
Final ranking: 1519.52 pts, 12th place
NFL equivalent: Las Vegas Raiders

It’s no mystery what the problem was for Paul’s team or the Raiders: Not enough good players. For the actual NFL team, that’s because of poor drafting strategy and mediocre free agency moves. For Paul, it was simply about forgetting to start a QB for the last half of the season (-0.30 total QB points from week 9 to week 18). The Raiders addressed their poor play on Monday by firing coach Pete Carroll. Should Paul consider firing himself? It might not be the worst idea…

All Rogers No Sauce (Joel)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1861.38 pts, 6th place
My pre-season ranking: 1657.07 pts, 12th place
Final ranking: 1653.62 pts, 11th place
NFL equivalent: Tennessee Titans

A disappointing finish for both squads, but both showed signs of hope at the end. After starting the season 1-11, the Titans won two of their final five. Joel’s squad? 100+ fantasy points in five of the last six weeks. Sure, he had to weather injuries to QB Kyler Murray and TE Brock Bowers (and RB Aaron Jones every other week). But this squad showed heart, just like the Titans. And … oh, my mistake, the Titans didn’t show heart, just a pulse. Still, that’s better than the lifeless corpse of a team they trotted out in 2024.

DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1836.60 pts, 8th place
My pre-season ranking: 1844.34 pts, 9th place
Final ranking: 1687.58 pts, 10th place
NFL equivalent: Cincinnati Bengals

I’m looking over both of these rosters and wondering how things went so long. A real-life team that has QB Joe Burrow, WR Ja’Marr Chase and WR Tee Higgins but couldn’t score points? A fantasy team with WR Amon-Ra St. Brown and QB Drake Maye that finished in the bottom three in scoring? Granted, Mom D’s team had zero reliable running backs, and TE Kyle Pitts was good for exactly three weeks this season (enough to make him a top three fantasy TE!) but this still feels like a letdown. As they say in Cincinnati, there’s always next year … to watch the Buckeyes if you want to see professional Ohio football games.

The Fightin Pickles (Sam)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1979.82 pts, 1st place
My pre-season ranking: 2139.82 pts, 4th place
Final ranking: 1724.01 pts, 9th place
NFL equivalent: Kansas City Chiefs

Don’t look now, but I am four-for-four in doing a better job predicting the final standings than Yahoo’s AI algorithms. Sadly, we both overestimated Sam’s team, just like everyone overestimated the Kansas City empire lasting another year. Sam could have changed his team name to Avenue Q with all the questionables on his roster this season: Alvin Kamara, Breece Hall, Bucky Irving and Rhamondre Stevenson all missed games, and that was just his RB corps. WR Brian Thomas Jr. also forgot to show up for long stretches of the season. At least for Sam, he has a chance to redeem his performance next year. Sadly for the Chiefs, this one missed playoff chance means their dynasty is over forever, with no chance of QB Patrick Mahomes ever playing well again. At least that’s what the sports columnists seem to be saying…

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1889.05 pts, 5th place
My pre-season ranking: 1751.13 pts, 10th place
Final ranking: 1742.46 pts, 8th place
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons

Both Jeff’s team and the Falcons were left for dead halfway through the season, but they both quietly climbed up the standings towards respectability. If the Falcons had won just one more game (maybe against the Dolphins? Or the Jets???) they would have snuck into the playoffs. If Jeff had found one reliable wideout to pair with QB Dak Prescott, RB Jahmyr Gibbs or TE Trey McBride, maybe he could have made a run too. Still, this feels like something to build on. Maybe both teams will get their players to show up every week next year. And maybe, just maybe, they can start taking the easy early wins instead of waiting for the second half of the season to succeed.

Schwarbombs (Jo)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1790.42 pts, 12th place
My pre-season ranking: 2095.47 pts, 5th place
Final ranking: 1877.48 pts, 7th place
NFL equivalent: Indianapolis Colts

I’m six-for-six against the computer, folks. Even for me, this is a great fortune telling performance. Sadly, it’s not as great for Joanna. Schwarbombs had a consistent problem getting the home-run scorers, with uneven QB play from Bo Nix, Daniel Jones and Brock Purdy all year. Jo’s second favorite player ever, RB Kenneth Gainwell, kept her team afloat for long stretches. And she did snag the top WR on the season, Ohio State alum Jaxon Smith-Njigba. But what she really needed to succeed was leadership from her favorite player ever, QB Nick Foles. But St. Nick skipped her locker room this year, so it’s coal all around.

Vert der Ferks (Anthony)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1958.50 pts, 2nd place
My pre-season ranking: 2001.77 pts, 7th place
Final ranking: 1920.77 pts, 6th place
NFL equivalent: Carolina Panthers

Anthony had a top three QB (Josh Allen), two top tier WRs (Puka Nacua and Justin Jefferson), a top five TE (Jake “Turd” Fergeson) and a top three kicker (Brandon Aubrey). What is this team doing down here? Sure, his RB corps was the remains of Jaylen Warren and something called Woody Marks (please note, I have not checked to see if this is a real human). But surely this team had to at least be sniffing the top of the standings, right? No? They just barely made the top six? Better than the Panthers, who are heading to the playoffs despite a losing record. That’s just gross.

Goederts and Monsterts (Bob)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1894.72 pts, 4th place
My pre-season ranking: 2317.00 pts, 1st place
Final ranking: 2074.93 pts, 5th place
NFL equivalent: Buffalo Bills

My first predictions miss — I’ll have to settle for a 7-1 lead against the artificial intelligence for now. This wasn’t a failure by Bob, but it was a bit of a setback. Like the Bills, he was the pick to dominate the league. And like the Bills, he had a good year, just not as good as some had hoped for. RB Christian McCaffery was the Bob Squad MVP (start rooting against him now, professor) while QB Jared Goff and TE Travis Kelce produced solid if not spectacular numbers. WR AJ Brown? Maybe too much drama for this team to reach its full potential. A top five finish is nothing to be ashamed of, but one has to ask why this team can’t live up to its preseason hype year after year.

Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1821.49 pts, 9th place
My pre-season ranking: 2233.44 pts, 3rd place
Final ranking: 2079.62 pts, 4th place
NFL equivalent: 2024 Philadelphia Phillies

Ninth place. Ninth! That’s what Yahoo predicted for this team. Two fantasy stud RBs in Bijan Robinson and Kyren Williams. Two rookie stars in TE Tyler Warren and WR Emeka Egbuka. And they predicted ninth? Granted, QB Lamar Jackson was a mess this season. If I had just grabbed a top 12 QB instead of relying on the one-time Baltimore great, I would have finished with about 100 more points, putting me on the doorstep of another title. But like Kevin Patullo foolishly calling a run up the middle on every first down, I stuck with Jackson for too long and slipped off the medal podium. Fourth place is impressive, but my team has bigger expectations than that each year, so they’ll be staying in the doghouse until next September.

City Hands (Mike)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1806.47 pts, 10th place
My pre-season ranking: 1999.96 pts, 8th place
Final ranking: 2172.68 pts, 3rd place
NFL equivalent: Denver Broncos

Mike missed out on a second-place finish by less than 1.5 pts, but it would have been more if not for WR Zay Flowers’ 118 receiving yds and two TDs in the fourth quarter of the last game of the season. As it was, his squad turned in a solid performance despite all the pre-season questions, most of which turned out to be accurate! QB Jayden Daniels was a bust. The Detroit defense was a mess. WR Garrett Wilson missed most of the season. And yet, through solid coaching, Mike managed to rise up the standings with a RB corps of Travis Etienne, Zach Charbonnet and the remains of Josh Jacobs. He turned QB Caleb Williams into a viable starter. He weathered the death of TE George Kittle (not dead, but also MIA for most of the season). This was a management masterpiece. Quint would be proud.

Still The Best (Jonathan)

Yahoo pre-season ranking:1801.46 pts, 11th place
My pre-season ranking: 2095.45 pts, 6th place
Final ranking: 2173.86 pts, 2nd place
NFL equivalent: New England Patriots

For those of you keeping score at home, I’ve beaten the Yahoo predictions 10 times out of 11 so far, with one team left. And I nailed that too. That’s 11-1 against the computer’s prediction skills this season. Clearly my scientific rigor and dedicated research team is far superior to theirs.

The good news here is that the boy did not win his third Awesome Cup title in a row, which would have made him insufferable. The bad news is he almost did. Despite inconsistent play from QB Jalen Hurts, nothing from rookie RB Ashton Jeanty, and constant questions at TE, Jonathan again put together a better fantasy roster than most of us. His namesake, RB Jonathan Taylor, helped a lot, as did a WR group with Tetairoa McMillan, Stefon Diggs and Terry McLaurin. And he lucked out with the Texans defense. But just like the Patriots, the dynasty had to end sometime. Thankfully we didn’t have a deflategate to worry about here.

That just leaves one team, full of champions:

One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop)

Yahoo pre-season ranking: 1939.36 pts, 3rd place
My pre-season ranking: 2244.32 pts, 2nd place
Final ranking: 2223.14 pts, 1st place
NFL equivalent: 2024 Philadelphia Eagles

I lauded Dad at the start of the year for finally abandoning his pursuit of QBs early in the draft and instead loading up on RBs. How did that work out? He fielded two top-five backs this year (Derrick Henry and De’Von Achane) and got the #1 overall fantasy QB off the waiter wire in week two. That’s not just good coaching, that’s championship general manager work. TE Dallas Goedert also helped his mid-season surge to the top. WR Rashee Rice was solid before both his legs fell off, and the rest of his cast of misfit toys — RB Rico Dowdle, WR DJ Moore — came through when it counted.

Dad was the first coach to win back-to-back titles in league history. Now, a decade later, he’s only the third person to have his name engraved on the Awesome Cup three times.

Congrats to Pop — we'll all be coming to for the trophy again next season. Thanks everyone for following along all season. Only 248 days until the 2026 fantasy season begins, so start doing your research now. 

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 18 recap

Reasons why earning the #2 seed in the NFC would have been the wrong move for the Eagles:

** The #2 seed is scheduled for a second-round home playoff game, if the team wins. This all comes right after the holiday season, when everyone has just hosted family and friends for multiple parties. Adding two more home get-togethers is exhausting. Better to go on the road in week two.

** The NFC’s #2 seed was already scheduled to play the Packers, a team with green, white and yellow uniforms. That could be confusing for the green and white clad Eagles. An easier opponent for Philly is the 49ers, a team with a better record and explosive offense but also mostly red outfits.

** Philly is cold in January. Does the team really want to play multiple games in the northeast’s elements? It’s a safer plan to go on the road in the playoffs to someplace that might have nicer weather, like Chicago.

** Getting the #2 seed would have meant outscoring the Commanders, and putting up more than 24 points in a game is not what these Eagles believe in.

** The Eagles were the #2 seed last year, and they won the Super Bowl. Getting it again this year might set unrealistic expectations of postseason success.

Top QBs of the year
3rd place: Drake Maye, 413.39 pts — 15th QB drafted (Mom D)
2nd place: Josh Allen, 414.62 pts — 2nd QB drafted (Ant)
1st place: Matthew Stafford, 442.88 pts — undrafted

No one took a QB in the first two rounds this year, which is good news, because nearly all of the early QBs disappointed. Allen was the only QB drafted in the top five to finish in the top five, and the best passer by far was still available the day after the draft. Stafford threw for the most yards, had 12 more TD passes than anyone else (46 total), and was not among the 24 QBs picked by our respective teams (Pop grabbed him mid-September). Meanwhile, Lamar Jackson, the first QB off the board (picked by me) finished as the 20th scorer in the category, thanks to a mess of injuries and a series of awful appearances.

Top WRs of the year
3rd place: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 220.80 pts — 5th WR drafted (Mom D)
2nd place: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 242.13 pts — 14th WR drafted (Jo)
1st place: Puka Nacua, 253.33 pts — 9th WR drafted (Ant)

Puka caught 129 passes from Stafford this year, so it should be no surprise that he takes home the top fantasy wideout title for Rams too. There was a huge gap between the top five and the rest of this crop, with Chris Olave (33rd WR off the board) finishing at six but 74 pts behind first place. Only those top three and Ja’Marr Chase (4th WR in fantasy scoring) were really reliable enough all year to carry teams.

Top RBs of the year
3rd place: Jahmyr Gibbs, 307.87 pts — 3rd RB drafted (Jeff)
2nd place: Jonathan Taylor, 327.20 pts — 7th RB drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Christian McCaffrey, 336.30 pts — 5th RB drafted (Bob)

This was our best drafting category of the year, but that happens when you take 13 running backs in the first 24 picks. Still, all of these guys went early and delivered on their promise. Bijan Robinson, James Cook, De'Von Achane, Derrick Henry and Kyren Williams rounded out the top eight, and were all gone before the start of the third round. The only big disappointment? Saquon Barkley, the #1 overall pick, finished as the #14 scorer. Not a bust, but nowhere near as fun as 2024.

Top TEs of the year
3rd place: Dallas Goedert, 136.40 pts — 12th TE drafted (Pop)
2nd place: Kyle Pitts, 136.87 pts — 20th TE drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Trey McBride, 211.60 pts — 2nd TE drafted (Jeff)

Hey, an Eagle who had a good offensive year! Goedert didn’t play week 18 and still finished in the top three, thanks to 11 receiving TDs on the season. That’s tied for second among all players — not just tight ends, but wideouts too. McBride just missed out on the season receptions title to Puka, 129 to 126. And Kyle Pitts scored in the single-digit fantasy points every week except for three, when he collected 61 or his 136.87 pts. Fifth place at this position? Some dude named Travis Kelce.

Top Ks of the year
3rd place: Brandon Aubrey, 188.10 pts — 3rd K drafted (Ant)
2nd place: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 194.50 pts — 5th K drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Jason Myers, 203.00 pts — undrafted

 
Myers scored 171 real-life points this season, breaking the previous record for a kicker set by … David Akers in 2011. But that wasn’t with the Eagles, so it’s OK. Jonathan drafted Fairbairn but ditched him after the bye week in favor of Cam Little, who now owns the longest and second-longest kicks in NFL history, so he at least got the drama he wanted out of the position. And Ant gets his third top performer on this list, which makes you wonder why his team was never near the top of the standings.

Top DEFs of the year
3rd place: Jaguars, 153.00 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Texans, 177.00 pts — 9th DEF drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Seahawks, 187.00 pts — 12th DEF drafted (Pop)

 
Defenses are always a crapshoot when it comes to fantasy. Seattle had three defensive TDs, three return TD and three blocked kicks, so they get top billing even though they had fewer turnovers than the Texans. I’m looking at all the stats now and still don’t understand how the Jaguars are on there. They were 8th in points allowed and 27th in sacks. They were second in interceptions, but this ranking still feels weird.

Top Ds of the year
3rd place: Marcus Jones, 66.26 pts — 6th D drafted (Pop)
2nd place: Jack Campbell, 66.50 pts — undrafted
1st place: Myles Garrett, 74.00 pts — undrafted

OHMIGAWD! WE DRAFTED A TOP DEFENSIVE PLAYER!

Sure, it wasn’t the top defensive player, and if Yahoo’s draft rankings made any bit of sense some team would have picked up Myles Garrett. But none of that matters. Congrats to Pop for snagging a defensive stalwart in the draft for the first time since … gosh, I really cannot find any record of us drafting one of the top three players before. Give me time, there are a lot of old blog posts to go through.

QB: Mitchell Trubisky, 36.86 pts — on the wire
WR: Zay Flowers, 23.20 pts — started by Mike
RB: Rhamondre Stevenson, 34.57 pts — on Sam’s bench
TE: Colston Loveland, 17.07 pts — started by Jonathan
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 26.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Broncos, 24.00 pts — started by me
D: Tyree Wilson, 16.50 pts — on the wire

While it probably warms the hearts of Bears fans to see their old draft bust, Trubisky, leading the Bills backups to a blowout win, the real story here is about what he didn’t do on Sunday: throw an interception. That means the New Jersey Jets are the first team in NFL history to get through an entire season without picking off a single pass, an astounding achievement of incompetence. Seriously, just by luck they should have ended up with one or two.

If Fairbairn could have just kicked two more 50-yard FGs in addition to the six other three-pointers he nailed on Sunday, he could have ended as the league’s top fantasy kicker. That’s gotta hurt.

Good to see Zay Flowers having a solid performance now that my pay leagues are over and he can’t contribute anything to my fantasy football finances.

“Worst performers of the season” edition

5th place: Kyle Allen, -0.30 pts — on the wire
4th place: Gardner Minshew, -0.32 pts — on the wire
3rd place: Mecole Hardman Jr., -0.70 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jimmy Garoppolo, -1.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Jalen Milroe, -1.60 pts — on the wire

Milroe was the starting QB at Alabama in 2024, so he should be used to losing. He only appeared in three games this season, but did manage four yards rushing and a fumble in that short stint, earning him the lowest score of any player for the season.

But, hey, he’s just an unlucky rookie. The next three guys — Garoppolo, Hardman and Minshew — are all on the wrong side of their careers and the wrong side of zero in the points column. Former Eagles QB Minshew actually had three appearances this season where he scored negative fantasy points before he got into the Chiefs’ week 16 loss and blew out his knee. Hardman was cut by the Chiefs earlier this year, fumbled away a punt for the Bills, and is probably done for his career.

At #9 on the list: former Eagles QB Nick Mullins, at -0.09 pts. Two former Eagles QBs! But not Super Bowl winning QB Kenny Pickett, that guy finished the year with 9.72 fantasy points in four appearances, or 6.04 points behind Tanner McKee, the man who was backing him up last season.


** Following Alabama’s Rose Bowl loss on New Year’s Day, Crimson Tide Coach Kalen DeBoer said he was disappointed in the college football playoff defeat but said that “it's a fine line between being here and being at the top.”

Just to be clear, that loss by Alabama — a team that has won six national championships since 2009 — was a 38-3 shelling at the hands of Indiana, a team that has won two Big Ten titles since 1967. The 35-point “fine line” drubbing was the Crimson Tide’s worst bowl game performance ever.

But it was a close 35-point drubbing. A little fine tuning and I’m sure the team wouldn’t have lost by more than 28.

** Late in the Bengals-Browns contest, Cleveland was driving down the field for a game-winning FG attempt when Cincinnati CB Dax Hill got rolled over during a tackle. As he struggled to stand up, Bengals radio analyst Dave Lapham gave this assessment.

“Hill is still down. You know how guys get in a three-point stance? He’s in a nine-point stance. That’s both legs, and his forearms, and his chest and his head. That’s not good.”

Not sure that’s the best time to be cracking jokes, Dave — especially when it’s your own defensive stud lying injured on the ground.

** During the Texas-Colts game, Indianapolis — already eliminated from postseason contention — faced a fourth and goal from the four-yard line with just 2:30 left in the game. The coaches opted to kick a FG instead of going for the touchdown, and Texans radio analyst Andre Ware immediately justified the move.

“This is the right call,” he told listeners. “It doesn’t matter what your record is. It doesn’t matter if you’re heading to the playoffs or not. This is the right call for this team.”

It was an odd defense by Ware, considering the Colts were losing by two at the time. Was there anyone listening who thought Indianapolis shouldn’t take the lead? If they were heading to the playoffs, should they have risked the three in favor or more style points? Or should they have just laid down and lost for their playoff-bound division rivals?

The Colts ended up losing by eight, so I guess the right call was to try for an 11-point play there.

The final week of the NFL season saw a host of laudable milestones that in reality meant nothing at all. Consider:

** Browns DE Myles Garrett set the single-season sack record on Sunday by recording his 23rd QB tackle of the year. It’s a remarkable, difference making feat. Just think of how much worse the 5-12 Browns would be without all of those great defensive plays. 4-13? Thank goodness Garrett can elevate that squad to greatness.

** Bears QB Caleb Williams finished with 3,942 passing yards this season, breaking the Chicago single-season record of 3,838 set in 1995. It’s a great moment for the player and a sad moment for the franchise, as it remains the only one in the NFL never to have a QB top 4,000 yards.

** Vikings WR Justin Jefferson posted his sixth 1,000 season on Sunday, making him only the third player in NFL history to accomplish that feat. It’s also historic because the other two — Randy Moss and Mike Evans — managed to reach the mark and also win a playoff game. But not Jefferson, the greatest wideout in league history not to win any games of consequence.

** The Cowboys potent offense this season boasted a 4,000+ yard passer, a 1,000+ yard rusher and two 1,000+ yard receivers. It’s the second time in team history that they’ve achieved the feat, matching 2023. But it’s the first time they’ve done it without making the playoffs, a truly impressive display of pointlessness.


Given the chance to finish their season at 8-8-1, the Cowboys opted to bench most of their starters in their season finale to keep them fresh for the offseason. As a result, they lost to the lowly Giants and finished with a losing record for the first time since 2024.

Some misguided fans will be upset with how the football year ended for the once mighty Dallas franchise (mighty, like, 30 years ago), but they should take comfort in this anagram epitaph for the season:

Dallas Cowboys team craters, drops out of the playoffs again
** God hears prayers of all. So, tactics off, bad men lost. Pout away.

The last time the Cowboys posted a losing record three years in a row was 2000-2003, as the Eagles ascended from a good team to a juggernaut with four straight NFC East titles. We can only hope those days are returning again.

** I closed out the season going 9-4 in picks against Dad, taking the title of the family’s top prognosticator for a sixth season in a row. For the season I went 182-90, a 67 percent accuracy mark, down a bit from last season. But it’s still better than all 11 of the professional football “experts” that ESPN pays, so you’re getting better returns on your money if you ignore them and stick with me. 

Now onto playoff picks against Dad, where I think I’ve been crushed for about 10 years straight.

** I had a whole bit planned on the NFC South having three 8-9 teams tied for first place but I couldn’t type it out without getting physically ill.

** I mean, at least we don’t have to hear calls for Jalen Hurts to be benched in favor of Tanner McKee anymore.


Week 18 standings

The final Awesome Cup standings will be released Tuesday.

Fantasy football 2025 -- Family Cup final standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

Family Cup -- regular season points standings
House Shane: 4,997.24 pts
House Doyle: 4,876.34 pts
House Garrity: 4,477.92 pts
House Quinn: 4,239.26 pts

Family Cup — playoff bracket results
1 — Chief Little Owl: Jim
2 — Shamrock Meats Inc.: Mike
3 — I love axolotls!: Lexi
4 — Nacho Team: Shelly
5 — @liver: Ollie
6 — Big Brain Jonathan: Jonathan

Jim’s romp through the season culminated this week with a victory lap over Mike’s team, which posted its second-worst score of the season when the points mattered the most. Conversely, Jim’s squad — led by QB Matt Stafford and WR Puka Nacua — was only the fifth-highest scoring squad of the regular season but turned on the magic when it counted, averaging 145-plus fantasy points in the three-week postseason.

Family Cup — loser bracket results
7 — Crazy Grandmom Malice: Grandmom Shane
8 — Emma’s Unicorn Blobfish Empire: Emma
9 — 2025 Yards in 2025: Pop Shane
10 — Jimmy’s Chicken Shaq: Jimmy
11 — Warminster Nightmare: Shane
12 — Team Team: Tommy

Emma’s run at partial glory came to a halt in the seventh place game, where she lost a close contest to her grandmother. Still, winning three of the last four games of the year was an impressive turnaround for a team that was 1-11-1 after 13 weeks. Grandmom claims the title of queen of the also-rans, and the pride of knowing that she elevated Team Quinn to the best of her ability.

Season analysis

Of course, this league was never about individual glory. This was about establishing the supremacy of one family over the rest. With that in mind, we need to look at how to fairly evaluate the full resume of each lineage.

The regular season seems clear enough: Each win is worth 100 points. Ties are worth 50. And all regular season points are totaled for each team.

The playoffs are another matter. Winning the title has to mean something, so that will be worth nearly a season’s worth of games: 1200 points. Second gets 800, third 600. Fourth gets 400, fifth 300, sixth 200. The consolation bracket is for pride and practice, but earns no points.

Team pride has to count for something. Therefore, the top team name earns 75 points, second place 50, and third 25. And it’s pretty clear that Emma’s Unicorn Blobfish Empire runs away with the top award here. The moniker speaks to the team ownership, its philosophy, its mascot and its focus. Warminster Nightmare follows a similar thread, and earns the second place spot. Mike’s tribute to Rocky — Shamrock Meats Inc. — deserves third.

And finally, it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. That’s why we’re awarding 10 points to Grandmom Shane for being confident enough to go 5-0 against her grandchildren this season, not caring at all how those defeats may upset or discourage them. Some grandparents may have spoiled their grandchildren by allowing a win or two to slip away, but not her.

With that in mind, here are the final family standings:

Family Cup — final season standings

4th place: House Quinn, 5899.26 total points
(Grandmom Shane, Tommy, Shane)

3rd place: House Shane, 6772.24 total points
(Jonathan, Emma, Pop Shane)

2nd place: House Garrity, 8377.92 total points
(Jim, Shelly, Jimmy)

1st place: House Doyle, 9601.34 total points
(Mike, Lexi, Ollie)

Jim’s heroic championship run wasn’t enough to wrest the title away from Team Doyle, who placed all three of their squads in the top five of the standings. It was an impressive display of coaching strategy and ruthlessness. And in the end, they are the first group to be honored with their name etched into the Family Cup:

Thanks again to all league members for playing this year. We’ll roll it back next season, when Team Shane will be looking to avenge the injustice of having the most regular season points and the fewest wins.