Fantasy football 2026 -- week 7 recap

We’re seven weeks into the season and it’s pretty clear which division is the dregs of the league.

Only nine wins, and four of those are within the division. Only one team with a winning record. Possibly the worst team in football in last place. Three teams without reliable QBs, and those three teams all have negative point differentials.

Two of these teams were hyped as Super Bowl contenders, and now they all look like a joke. It’s an all-around embarrassment that any of these squads will be allowed into the playoffs. But, those are the rules, as sad as they are. All fans can do is grit their teeth and fight through the awful football in store for the rest of the year.

So shame on you, AFC South, with the 4-2 Jags, 2-5 Colts, 2-5 Texans and 1-6 Titans (pictured above). All of football is horrified by your weak attempts at … wait, you thought I was talking about the NFC East? No. That division has a 4-2-1 Giants team (better record than the Jags) and 11 wins combined (ten and two ties) with six victories outside the division.

Heck, they’re not even the second-worst division — the NFC South has 10 victories and no teams with a winning record. The 3-3 Panthers are in first place. 

Funny how no national stories have been written about how both south divisions are struggling messes. Sorry that the “NFC Least” is having a down year, national pundits. Sometimes it’s hard to keep rolling when your division has 15 playoff wins, three Super Bowl appearances and two championships over an eight-year span.

QB: Joe Burrow, 36.88 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 21.80 pts — started by Bob
RB: Tony Pollard, 34.13 pts — started by Mike
TE: Mason Taylor, 20.63 pts — on the wire
K: Cairo Santos, 15.00 pts — started by Jeff
DEF: Tampa Bay, 26.00 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
D: Blake Cashman, 10.00 pts — on the wire

Pollard had 349 yds rushing and one TD through six games coming into Sunday, with just 47 fantasy pts. But against the Browns — a decent defense — he had 129 yds and three TDs, nearly doubling his fantasy total for the season. His Titans still lost, though. Maybe if he had tried for four TDs, they would have pulled it out.

That performance wasn’t as wild as the Buccaneers, who managed five sacks, four turnovers, two TDs and a blocked kick on defense. They won 43-13 against a better Panthers team, with 20 Tampa points coming off of turnovers.

The New Jersey Jets used the #16 pick in this year’s draft to take a TE, and they saw an incredible performance from Taylor on Sunday: five catches, 62 yds and two TDs. Of course, he isn’t the TE the Jets picked this year — that was Kenyon Sadiq, who had one catch for six yds on Sunday. So, maybe not the best investment.

“Carolina game” edition

3rd place: Jalon Daniels, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: David Moore, -2.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Carolina, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Daniels, who played against the Panthers on Sunday, ended up in negative territory because of meaningless kneel downs at the end of the Bucs big win. Moore, a Panthers wideout, had a fumble on a punt return and did nothing else in the game.

But the Panthers’ defense as a unit did the least work on Sunday: 35 points allowed, no turnovers, no sacks, no signs of life. Carolina has not scored more than 5.00 fantasy points any week this season, except for the 28.00 pts performance against Atlanta in week 2. The NFC South continues to mystify us all.

Andy Dalton continues to be the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.

** During the first quarter of the Lions-Packers game, Green Bay TE broke away from his defender and snagged an easy 14-yard TD pass to tie the game. Fox commentator Tom Brady broke down the play, noting that Kraft’s clever move at the top of his route left him, “as open as a Sunday morning parking lot.”

I get the very forced analogy, since most businesses are closed on Sundays. But you know one really big business that isn’t closed on Sundays? And have overstuffed parking lots, filled with people, with no room to move? PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, TOM.

Of course, good old Tom never had to worry about tailgates or paying for parking at an NFL stadium, so maybe he just doesn’t know that those thousands of fans haven’t been walking to all the games.

** ESPN headline this weekend: “MLB tests out restricted OF shifts in effort to up offense.”

The experiment is happening in the Arizona fall league, where officials mandate where outfielders have to stand before each play starts. The idea “will in theory lead to more doubles and triples.”

You’ll never guess the results: More players are getting hits when the defense is playing out of position. This is the type of high-level scientific thought that only the best sports minds can imagine.

Next up — experimenting to see if throwing only strikes down the middle at under 90 mph makes a difference for hitters.

** Dallas was called for a roughing the passer call early in the second quarter of Monday night which led to a first down inside the red zone and, later, a touchdown for the Eagles. Replays clearly showed a Cowboys defensive tackle pulling QB Tanner McKee down by his facemask. But ESPN commentator Troy Aikman disagreed with the call, saying that he didn’t see much to justify a penalty “other than hitting the quarterback in the head.”

“There’s nothing to support the penalty except for the penalty” is exactly why we have this section of the recap.

At 2-5, the Eagles season is effectively done. But NFL rules mandate that they show up for the remainder of their schedule anyway. Here’s a quick breakdown of the likelihood of a loss for each of the remaining games:

** Week 8 at Commanders: Revenge game for Jayden Daniels, who probably should have won the first. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 9 vs. Giants: Division leaders will need this game to stay in first. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 10 bye: The offense won’t score but the defense may still give up points: 

LIKELY NOT A LOSS
** Week 11 vs Steelers: Pittsburgh has some stupid magic about them again. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 12 at Cowboys: No reason to think the second game will look different from Monday. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 13 at Cardinals: Even if the Eagles were doing well, they always struggle with the Cardinals. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 14 vs Colts: Indy Coach Shane Steichen could be auditioning for the Eagles job. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 15 vs Seahawks: No. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 16 vs Texans: Houston may be the only team left that is more disappointing than Philly. 

LIKELY NOT A LOSS
** Week 17 at 49ers: Hell no. 

LIKELY LOSS
** Week 18 at Giants: The G-men should be sitting people by this point, so Tanner McKee will get to play against backups again. 

LIKELY NOT A LOSS

4-13, here we come!

Any time the Cowboys travel to Philly, they bring a dark cloud with them. Win or lose (but especially if the Eagles lose), you can feel some of the joy and the heart of the city dissolve just from the presence of pure evil that has descended into the neighborhood. But, that should come as no surprise, given that the darkness such a visit embodies is obvious in the letters of the trip description itself:

Dallas Cowboys team returns to Philadelphia
** Worst day: Hate boils, crime up, no help at all. Sad.

You’d think city officials would have learned by now to put extra cops on the street for these games, but they’re probably overcome by the emotion of the moment too.

** I split my picks with Dad this week, so I remain one behind in our season-long showdown. We’re both barely over .500 for the season, when we usually pick around two-thirds of games correct. It has just been a weird year.

** The Sixers had to lose eventually, right?

** San Francisco opened up its game against the Falcons with a 64-yard TD drive that featured 29 yards rushing from RB Christian McCaffrey and 40 yards receiving from him.

No, you read that right. Not only did no one else help on the drive, McCaffrey actually picked up 69 yards on the 64-yard drive, thanks to a false start penalty on the offensive line. Football stats are dumb.

** Only one undefeated team left in the league, and it’s … the Vikings, who have the fifth fewest points in the league. The Commanders have scored a touchdown more than Minnesota but are 1-4-1. Maybe the Vikings can make it all the way and we can finally see a 3-0 Super Bowl victory.


Family Cup — Week 7 standings
House Shane: 14-7
House Doyle: 12-9
House Garrity: 9-12
House Quinn: 7-14

Game of the week goes to Jonathan’s win over Mike, with the boy prevailing by just 0.30 pts — three rushing yds. This is Mike’s second loss in three weeks, by a combined 1.9 fantasy pts. Tough break, and it leaves us with a four-way tie for first at 5-2: Shane, Dad, Jonathan and Mike. But of that group, Mike has scored 127 more fantasy points than any other team, so perhaps it’s early to be writing about his fall from grace.

If the playoffs were to start today, all of Team Shane would be in, two-thirds of Team Doyle would make it, and Shane would represent Team Quinn. But we’re only halfway through the season, so nothing is set yet.

Awesome Cup — Week 7 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 905.02 pts
2 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 886.55 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 873.15 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 836.93 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 802.62 pts
6 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 802.32 pts
7 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 797.41 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 760.75 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 721.38 pts
10 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 706.27 pts

We’re starting to see our tiers set in place in the standings. Jonathan remains in the lead, but Ant’s week-leading 148.22 pts put him just a step behind in second, and just a step ahead of Mom D’s still solid squad.

After that, it’s a full jump down to my team, and another jump down to the Mike-Joel-Bob group. Beyond that, things are getting sketchy. Pop had an incredible run of bad luck this week, managing only two players who scored in double digits and a defense (49ers) that threw up a -3.00. He managed only 62.62 pts, while the players on his bench totaled 78.74 pts. Ouch. He’d be upset if he was in the country, which he is not.

Speaking of people who should be kicked out of the country, the NFL schedule makers have no international games this week, but we do still have four byes (Texans, Saints, Giants and 49ers) and a Thursday game to navigate. So set your teams early and often.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 6 recap

Here’s a quick recap of the Eagles season so far:

** Traded their #1 wideout before summer camp started.
** Had their Hall-of-Fame RT retire four games into the season.
** Saw their Pro-Bowl running back get injured twice.
** Traded their all-pro center.
** Lost their #2 wideout for two games.
** Lost their starting TE for two games.
** Lost their backup running back.
** Lost their third-string running back.
** Lost their all-pro quarterback for the season to a serious health scare.

Now, here’s a quick recap of the Eagles last decade, including this season so far:

** Won 96 games in the regular season.
** Made the playoffs eight times.
** Won the NFC East four times.
** Saw a 2,000-plus yds season from a running back.
** Saw a 4,000-plus yds season from a QB.
** Saw a WR set a new team record for yards in a season twice.
** Made the Super Bowl three times.
** Won two Super Bowls.

This year sucks, but if we are being honest, it was probably overdue. No NFL success lasts forever. The Eagles have seen incredible performances and limited injuries over the last 10 years, and the significant injuries they did have (Carson Wentz) somehow lead to even higher highs (Nick Foles). If 2026 is the football gods getting payback for the recent past, so be it.

Hopefully Hurts can get back to full health and the Eagles 2027 season can copy the 2026 Chiefs, who have opened their slate at 5-0 after missing the playoffs the previous year. Hope springs eternal, even if it means the end of a great run.

QB: Trevor Lawrence, 35.34 pts — started by Jeff
WR: Tre Tucker, 20.97 pts — on the wire
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 26.53 pts — started by Bob
TE: Kyle Pitts Sr., 18.50 pts — on the wire
K: Chad Ryland, 19.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Titans, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Travis Hunter, 14.93 pts — on the wire

The NFL continues to make no sense. The Jaguars had two top players and lost. Tre Tucker had twice as many TDs on Sunday as he had in the previous five games, and his team lost. The Titans had as many points on Sunday as they had in the previous five games (19.00 pts) and they won … for the first time this year. Chad Ryland and the Cardinals beat the Super Bowl favorite Rams with six field goals and nothing else.

At least Walker makes sense here. The Super Bowl MVP turned Chefs RB has 665 rushing yds on the season and is on pace for 1,884 yds this year, which would be good enough for 12th place all time. Amazingly, the fifth-year back’s best season so far was 1,050 yds in his rookie year. He could pass that before week 11.

Despite that, Walker is still about five fantasy points behind Jahmr Gibbs this season … who had a bye this week. If you got the #1 fantasy pick this season, you really won the lottery.

“That one defense” edition

1st place: (tie) Houston, -1.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
1st place: (tie) Jacksonville, -1.00 pts — started by Mom D
1st place: (tie) Las Vegas, -1.00 pts — started by Ant
1st place: (tie) Buffalo, -1.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) New Jersey Giants, -1.00 pts — on the wire

Six teams surrendered more than 30 points this week, but the Falcons’ defense actually managed to end up in positive territory (3.00 pts). The rest of this crowd wasn’t so lucky.

Most of these teams boast pretty mediocre defensive squads, so their malaise isn’t much of a surprise. But shout out to the Texans — who were supposed to be an elite defensive team this year — who posted their second negative score in six games and are averaging just 5.33 fantasy pts a week. That’s just ahead of the Giants and Saints, who are … not good.

Former Eagles QB Andy Dalton remains the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.


** Ringer NFL reporter Tom Pelissero put out this tweet on Monday morning: “How committed is Jalen Hurts to football? After initially being diagnosed with a superficial blood clot in London, doctors told him not to sleep as a precaution, so he had been awake for roughly 36 hours when he started against the Jaguars, throwing for 220 yards and a TD.”

There are so many levels of stupid here, I’m not sure who to be angry with. How is someone healthy enough to play football but not sleep? How did the medical team think it was OK for any player who had been awake for 36 hours to absorb tackles? How does this guy think that shows commitment and not malpractice? How did the Jaguars allow 220 yds passing to a player who was asleep on his feet?

I think Hurts will do everything he can to get back onto the football field again, but he also might want to start talking to some lawyers about a legal action against the team.

** During Saturday’s Alabama-Tennessee football game, Crimson Tide radio color analyst Chris Stewart was livid over a non-call during a punt return that he thought should have been a 15-yard facemask penalty.

“The ref was standing right there,” he exclaimed. “He saw the Tennessee player grab the back of his helmet during the tackle. But he didn’t throw a flag.”

I know they make them a little slower in Alabama, but I kinda thought the facemask penalty was self-explanatory. For the officials to call it, a defender has to grab the front of the helmet … where the facemask is located. Maybe they could have called a personal foul for illegal use of the hands or a horse collar tackle or something else, but not a facemask.

In related news, the referees in the game didn’t call the Volunteers’ defense for intentional grounding a single time in the game, despite all the plays where they batted balls into the turf.

** We’ve just got one more week of football games to survive before the “FOXTOBER” and “FOXTOBERFEST” ads are finished. Hang in there, I know we can all make it.

Next week’s Steelers-Saints tilt will be the first ever NFL game played in Paris, a city known for its openness to outside cultures and boisterous foreigners. To help those francophiles better embrace America’s favorite pastime, here are actual translations for a few key American football terms, according to some bad Google translate research:

** Line of scrimmage: La ligne de mêlée
A much more beautiful and elegant phrase. Plus it has extra hash marks throughout, just like the NFL field.

 
** Fumble: Un échappé
The whole word looks like a mistake, so, bravo.

** End zone: La zone des buts
In fairness, you do usually need to get your butt into the end zone to score a TD.

** Center: Le porteur de ballon
“The man who carries the balloon” sounds like a silent french film about love and loss.

** Onside kick: Le coup de pied de coin
That’s just a pile of nonsense. So, again, well done with that translation.

** The Browns: La Merde
Some things are understood in any language.

Amid all the NFL chaos, this week presented a great lesson in the deeper truth behind the weekly insult anagrams. These aren’t just random, humorous ways to poke fun at a division rival. This is science. This is fact. And one key personnel move this week reinforces the entire exercise.

Shortly after the Eagles announced the Hurts injury, the front office signed Cowboys practice squad player Joe Milton to their roster to bolster their QB room. Milton, as you remember, was featured in the anagram insult for week 15 last year:

 
Dallas Backup QB Joe Milton III
** Skilled? Baa. I complain, quit job

Cute phrasing, good for a laugh, right? No. It was much more than that. It spoke to the laziness and evil festering within the Cowboys organization. How can we prove that? Just look at what Milton’s name anagrams into with a small employment change:

New Eagles Backup QB Joe Milton III
** Epic job, likable wages, no quit in me.

It’s like he’s a totally different person now, waking up to a new NFL life. And it is all thanks to getting away from the moral cesspool that is the Dallas organization. I welcome Milton to his new reality and hope that the echoes of his former prison no longer haunt him at night. And I hope others on that awful team can experience the same kind of joyous rebirth at some point in their lives.

Except for Michael Irvin, we all know he eats children.

** I went 1-2 against Dad this week, so I’m back to two down on him for the year. But one of those mistakes on my part was picking the Cowboys to beat the Packers, so I am pleased with my ignorance just this one time.

** The Flyers finally won some games, so now they’re just a normal embarrassment, not a historic embarrassment. But the NFC East is now 0-6-2 since the Phillies were knocked out of the playoffs. It’s the first time since realignment in 2002 that all four teams in a division have failed to record a win in consecutive weeks.

** I want credit for getting to week 6 without making a joke that the Jacksonville starting running back is “B. Tuten.” It would have been easy to let that one out, but I held it in.


Family Cup — Week 6 standings
House Shane: 12-6
House Doyle: 10-8
House Garrity: 8-10
House Quinn: 6-12

House Shane went a perfect 3-0 this week in its games, pushing the family to the top of the standings. But Mike of House Doyle continues to lead the league with the only 5--1 record and an almost 70-point edge over the next highest scoring squad.

Shelly and Lexi are the second and third-highest scoring teams but somehow both have 2-4 records, which just feels unfair. Shane of House Quinn is starting to develop back problems from having to carry his family’s reputation all on his own…

Awesome Cup — Week 6 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 791.63 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 750.28 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 738.33 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 705.33 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 704.39 pts
6 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 701.20 pts
7 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 685.33 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 653.99 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 643.65 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 597.12 pts

 
No crazy scores this week, but solid 120-plus-pts weeks for my team, Mike’s team and Bob’s wrecking crew shifted us up the rankings. Anthony stuck in third but had a terrible week, thanks to the Dallas choke job against the Packers (and his many, many Cowboys on the team). Mom D also slid back with her first sub-100-pts week of the season.

All that leaves us back where we have been far too often in recent years: Looking up at the boy, who has a 41-point lead on the field. I’m sure he’ll have something really nice to say in the next few days about the person who reminded him to set his roster on Thursday and Saturday night.

Speaking of setting your roster, set your roster for next week. We've got another Thursday game, another early Sunday game, another set of four byes (including the Bills, so say “bye” to those points). The Jaguars get the week off after two consecutive games in London, I assume to make sure their medical staff didn’t miss any life threatening injuries to their stars while they were figuring out the metric system. And the Chargers are on a bye, but they have already fallen behind 0-7 to their nonexistent opponent. Some years are just like that.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 5 recap

Another week, another set of key injuries for the Eagles: After third-string RB turned starter Will Shipley went down with a foot injury on Sunday, the birds were forced to turn to practice squad player Dameon Pierce to finish out the game. Shipley — like Tank Bigsby and Saquon Barkley — may miss multiple weeks, and Pierce only picked up 14 yds on 11 carries, forcing the team to consider other options for their running game. Here are a few of the ideas on the table:

** Jaydon Blue: He’s on the practice squad and his position is running back. At this point, that makes him as qualified as anyone.

 
** Jalen Hurts: He isn’t doing much at the QB post. Let’s try Tanner McKee taking the snaps and seeing if Hurts remembers how to use his legs.

** Lane Johnson: Maybe he retired because he was bored with just blocking on runs and never getting to hold the ball. The line would definitely try harder for him.

** Miles Sanders: They brought Zach Ertz back. Sanders isn’t doing anything else right now, and would at least get a polite round of applause from the crowd.

** Cooper DeJean: He plays every other position, so why not try this one too? Can’t be worse than 11 carries for 14 yds.

** The remains of Saquon Barkley: Whatever condition he is in, he’s really a better choice than everything else on the table.

QB: Drake Maye, 47.46 pts — on Joel’s bench
WR: Puka Nacua, 24.60 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 33.33 pts — started by Joel
TE: Isaiah Likely, 23.77 pts — started by Joel
K: Jason Meyers, 23.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Green Bay, 19.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
D: Gracen Halton, 13.40 pts — on the wire

Welp, you all tried your best. It’s not your fault only Joel had good players this week. He started Jared Goff — the #2 highest scoring player of the week — instead of Maye, and also started the #2 RB (Jaylen Warren, 30.90 pts) along with Gibbs. He also had the #2 defense (Houston, 18.00 pts) but left them on his bench.

Gibbs is averaging 26.42 fantasy pts a week so far this season, which is insane for a non-QB. But that all ends next week, because … the Lions have a bye.

Ravens QB Tyler Huntley started in the place of Lamar Jackson on Sunday and guided his team to a win, throwing two TD passes. Meanwhile, Titans QB Cam Ward — the #1 overall draft pick in 2025 — has three TD passes in five games. He has one fewer win on the season than Huntley.


“Should have stayed home” edition

3rd place: Jacob Cowing, -0.44 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tua Tagovailoa, -0.64 pts — on the wire
1st place: Kenyon Sadiq, -0.80 pts — on the wire

Sadiq, the TE the Jets drafted in the first round last spring, has had a fascinating start to his season. He has 12 catches for 143 yds and two TDs in his first three games. Since then? Two catches for three yds, one fumble and one concussion. And that line was all this Sunday — in week 4, he had zeroes all around.

Not on the list of the worst fantasy performers, but bizarrely bad nonetheless: The 49ers beat the Seahawks 32-29 on Sunday, but don’t compliment the offenses for that output. Seattle had 17 points off of three San Fran turnovers, while the 49ers had 21 points off of four Seahawks giveaways. If either team had any ball security, the matchup could have been a 14-13 game.

The Cowboys remain the worst fantasy defense in the league, with 2.00 total points through five weeks. Former Eagles QB Andy Dalton remains the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.


** After that ridiculous 27-27 contest between the Giants and Commanders on Sunday, New Jersey Coach John Harbaugh addressed the surprising result with reporters:

“I told the guys, ‘Was it a win? No. Was it a loss? No. It was a tie.’ How does that make you feel? I'm happy it wasn't a loss and I'm sad it wasn't a win, so that's how I feel.."

Such insight. Such inspiration. It’s that level of clear, precise messaging that moves players to achieve the kind of result we saw in that game.

** On the other side of the field, Commanders QB Jayden Daniels took responsibility for the boneheaded move to not stop the clock for a game-winning field goal in overtime, adding “that’s on me.”

That was a little odd, because Maryland Coach Dan Quinn just moments before said he hadn’t properly communicated the situation to his players, adding “that’s on me.”

 
However, after the Commanders loss to the Eagles in week one, Daniels took blame for missed opportunities with his receivers earlier in the contest, adding “that’s on me.”

But in August, even before the season began, Commanders S Jeremy Reaves acknowledged defensive communication breakdowns in the secondary in practice, and said he needed to step up, adding “that’s on me.”

I dunno. Maybe this team should stop rushing to embrace the blame and start actually fixing their problems.

** Eagles Coach Nick Sirianni, after Sunday’s loss, offered his own version of “that’s on me” to reporters:

“Bad job by me,” he said. “I think it's so important for every person to take accountability because that's the only way you get better. You build trust that way. I just think that's the key core value to our program, accountability.”

I dunno, Nick. Maybe you could make the core value of the Eagles’ team SCORING POINTS OR RUNNING A COMPETENT OFFENSE. But accountability is nice too.

The New York Islanders opened this season with a new culinary delight for their fans: a grilled-cheese sandwich made with brie and nerds gummy clusters. (No, I’m not kidding) The sandwich drew immediate condemnation from all good-hearted people for its ungodly concept, but the controversy overshadowed a host of new dishes that NFL teams have been rolling out through the first month of play:

** Los Angeles Chargers: Herbert’s Sherbert
Named for the team’s starting QB, it’s a bland and boring two scoops of coldness. But all the NFL pundits think it’s the best dessert ever.

** Philadelphia Eagles: Oversized, spicy hot dogs
These are too big and too hot to swallow, so they are not safe to eat. But what would a birds’ game be this season without choking dogs?

** Arizona Cardinals: Bird Droppings
It’s melted vanilla ice cream over “leaves” of colorful nacho chips. It seems like it should be interesting, but it’s just kinda mushy and dumb, like the play on the field.

** Seattle Seahawks: Northeast Bloody Marys
They’re just standard bloody marys, but they are specifically marketed to help with a Super Bowl hangover.

** Miami Dolphins: Plates and plates of sadness
The good news is that it comes free with the purchase of a home game ticket. The bad news is that fans never seem to eat it all up.

One of the keys for the poor Dallas defensive play has been their personnel — they simply do not have good players on that side of the ball. Take their secondary: They just had to trade for a new cornerback because their depth at the position is poor. Until last week, one of their regulars at defensive back was Ameer Speed, whose name implies some needed skill … until you look at little closer at all the things it actually spells out about him:

CB Ameer Speed
** Embraces deep
** December’s ape
** Me based creep
** Escaped ember
** Beseemed crap

Honestly, if you sign a pile of beseemed crap to play for your team, you get what you paid for.

** I managed to pick up one more game against Dad in our weekly picks contest, leaving me just one behind for the season. Dad’s hatred of the Patriots led him to have false belief in the Raiders fast start, an emotional pick I can understand but not support.

** There have been 31 regular season ties since the NFL added overtime in 1974. Somehow three of those have been games between the New Jersey Giants and the Washington whatevers. Eleven of the 31 have involved NFC East teams. I dunno, maybe there is something in the water here.

** Philadelphia teams are 1-12 since the Phillies clinched their playoff berth. Just, ouch.


Family Cup — Week 5 standings

House Doyle: 9-6
House Shane: 9-6
House Garrity: 7-8
House Quinn: 5-10

Down goes our final undefeated and undefeated teams. Shelly (who may or may not be managing her team?) put up just barely enough points to stay ahead of Mike’s super squad, winning by just 1.6 fantasy pts. That, coupled with House Shane’s sweep of its matches this week, puts the house standings in a tie for the first time this season (and maybe ever? I dunno, I don’t feel like opening last year’s standings right now).

Meanwhile, Tommy took his frustrations out on his grandmother, thumping her team for his first win of the season. That means that no team is more than three games out of first at the moment, meaning the playoffs and the championship is still well within reach.

Awesome Cup — Week 5 standings

1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 673.96 pts
2 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 663.39 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 655.23 pts
4 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 601.10 pts
5 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 582.71 pts
6 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 577.72 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 569.05 pts
8 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 557.77 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 535.58 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 482.55 pts

Joel scored an amazing 186.49 pts on the week, and it could have been even better — he left 29 fantasy pts on his bench, since he picked the wrong QB and defense. Still, it’s hard to feel sad for him when he jumped up from 8th place to 4th in a single week.

But all that still leaves Joel 72 pts out of first place, which is now held by Jonthan … again. He overcame a 30-point deficit to his grandmother last week to steal the top spot, putting up 158.17 pts. Don’t worry — he’ll have some real work to keep that perch next week, when his QB and K go on a bye.

Speaking of next week, we’ve got four byes, a Thursday game of note (Seattle vs. Denver) and yet another London game featuring the hometown Jaguars. Hit the waiver wire early, it’s gonna get ugly quick out there.

Fantasy football 2026 -- week 4 recap

The Eagles could be without six opening day starters on just the offense when they take the field on Sunday. Saquon Barkley, Cam Jurgens, Landon Dickerson, DeVonta Smith and Dallas Goedert are all questionable to play. Lane Johnson just retired. And backup RB Tank Bigsby is headed to the injured reserve. Zack Baun, Quinyon Mitchell and Jonathan Greenard were the Philly defensive players on the injury list on Monday. To be honest, I was scared to look today to see what other names were added.

With a casualty list like that, the Eagles have limited options for approaching a big contest against the Jaguars. But there are a few options to work around those health issues and come out strong:

** Clone WR Darius Cooper, field three of him as the receiving corps next week.
** Invest in duct tape, that fixes almost everything.
** Sign two sumo wrestlers as tackles, run the tush push on every play.
** Stop holding practices on ancient native American burial grounds.
** Give up on the running game. It’s not like it has worked at all anyway.
** Look into hiring some competent medical staff.

QB: Drake Maye, 32.16 pts — on Joel’s bench
WR: Tetairoa McMillan, 31.80 pts — started by Jo
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 30.33 pts — started by Bob
TE: Sam LaPorta, 15.60 pts — started by Pop
K: Will Reichard, 19.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: New Jersey Giants, 14.00 pts — on the wire
D: Deonte Banks, 10.50 pts — started by Jeff

Walker is the reigning Super Bowl MVP, so maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s leading the league in rushing yards. But last year’s success came when he was playing for the Seahawks. This year, Walker is racking up rushing stats thanks to playing in the Chiefs offense led by … Andy Reid? The guy who never calls a running play? Kansas City is first in the league in rushing yards and first in yards per carry. In other news, nothing makes sense anymore.

Reichard kicked five field goals on Sunday in the Vikings 15-10 win over the Dolphins, which was their second win this season without scoring a TD. Meanwhile, the Eagles finally scored points in the first quarter, hung up 20 in the first half, and still lost.

Only six QBs have scored 100-plus fantasy points so far this season, and Drake Maye isn’t one of them. But Raiders QB Kirk Cousins is: He is tied for the league lead with 11 touchdown passes. Again, nothing makes sense in the NFL.

“Getting defensive“ edition

3rd place: Raiders, -1.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Dallas, -1.00 pts — on Jeff’s bench
1st place: New Orleans, -5.00 pts — on the wire

In the Monday night game, Falcons RB Bijan Robinson had 145 yds rushing and two TDs against the Saints but Falcons backup RB Brian Robinson had 62 yds rushing and three TDs. Pretty much any B. Robinson could score at will against that team.

The Cowboys revamped defense has been a delight to watch so far this season. The unit is worth 1.00 fantasy pts through four games (that’s an average of 0.25 pts per game if you are scoring at home) and is the only team in the league not to record an interception. They’re tied for last in turnovers and have allowed the fourth most points of any team, at 28 per game. Yet somehow this dumb team is still 2-2.

Eagles backup QB Andy Dalton remains the worst player on the year, at -2.00 total pts.


** In the second quarter of the Commanders/Colts game early on Sunday morning, Indianapolis QB Daniel Jones took the snap, quickly turned to his left and threw a pass into the ground about five yards ahead. The Commanders’ defense called for an intentional grounding flag, but the refs declined. The announcing crew turned to rules analyst Walt Anderson for an explanation, since the pass didn’t go out of bounds, the QB was still in the pocket, and no receiver was in the area. His response?

 
“You have to be under duress for it to be intentional grounding,” he said. “And in this case, I just didn’t see that.”

 
To translate: Jones didn’t throw the ball away to avoid a sack. He just really, really sucks.
I feel like patently offensive gameplay should be a penalty, but if that were the case, half of the teams in the league might never make it past midfield.

** Fox has started promoting NFL games this month as part of “FOXTOBERFEST” and honestly I think my brain forgot what letters mean just looking at that word.

** At the start of the Eagles/Rams game, the Fox broadcast crew featured “players to watch” in the upcoming contest. Their picks were Rams QB Matt Stafford and Eagles QB Jalen Hurts.

 
Oh, you mean the two guys who were gonna handle the ball on 95 percent of the plays in the game? I should pay special attention to them? Thanks for the heads up. I was planning on focusing the practice squad players on the sideline, but those suggestions seem like a better plan.

I just wish they had offered more specifics about when to watch them. I spent nearly every Eagles possession wondering why Stafford couldn’t complete any passes. I also wondered that about Hurts when the Eagles offense was on the field, but that’s a separate issue.

Sunday will mark the Eagles second trip to London to play as part of the NFL’s international schedule of games. They’ll play the Jaguars, who they defeated by a 24-18 tally in their 2018 contest in the United Kingdom.

 
Jacksonville has played at least one game in London every year since 2013 (except in 2020, there’s always an “except in 2020,” we all know what happened then), and they have two scheduled there for this season. Rumors have swirled that the Florida squad could become the first NFL franchise partially based overseas, but the biggest obstacle to that plan is the mascot: The Jaguars make no sense for an England-based team. But here are a few possible options to keep in mind as you watch this weekend’s contest:

** The Jacksonville/London Badgers — Eurasian badgers while overseas, good old American rodents back stateside. 

 ** The Jacksonville/London Drizzle — Fits for either location.
** The Jacksonville/London Monarchs — The mascot could be a prince holding a butterfly.
** The Jacksonville/London Expatriates — Honestly, neither city is really part of America.
** The Jacksonville/London Money Grabs — Would be the most accurate pick.

 
The Cowboys defense continues to be a complete mess of a unit, so the front office this week traded two draft picks to acquire Joey Porter Jr., a contract holdout on the Steelers. Porter hopes to be happier in his new situation, but a quick review of the facts — and the letters in his name — show that’s unlikely to be the case:

Dallas trades for a veteran CB: Joey Porter Jr.
** No travel joy: rapt tears, braced jeers for lad.

Through four games, only two teams have allowed more points than the Cowboys, who are surrendering four TDs and extra points per contest. But the important thing is that they are trying very hard … and that they still are terrible.

** I went 2-1 against Dad in picks this week, which leaves him up two in the standings for the year. In related news, I’m 2-10 in picking Giants, Browns and Raiders games this season. I may have to pick them to finally win something.

** Since the Phillies clinched a playoff spot on Sept. 27, Philadelphia teams are 1-8. Maybe it would have been better to just accept the regular season choke and not curse the whole city’s sports scene?



Family Cup — Week 4 standings
House Doyle: 9-3 

House Shane: 6-6 

House Garrity: 5-7 

House Quinn: 4-8 

We’re down to one undefeated team and one winless squad after Jonathan took down Shane and Grandmom Shane upset Pop. Mike is 4-0 and has the most points scored through four weeks, while Shelly is holding onto the cursed seat right now: second in scoring, but 1-3 on the season because she’s also second in points allowed. The good news is this is still early in the year, no one is more than two games out of the playoffs yet. But the calendar will turn from October to November before you know it…

Awesome Cup — Week 4 standings
1 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 545.14 pts
2 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 515.79 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 514.56 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 490.63 pts
5 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 481.84 pts
6 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 466.18 pts
7 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 458.00 pts
8 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 422.20 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 414.61 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 366.88 pts

 
Anthony and his Cowboys-led squad were the top scorers for the week, putting up a whopping 160.07 pts and jumping into bronze medal position. Six teams posted more than 125 fantasy points (which made my crew’s 131.60 pts less impressive), but Mom D retains her comfortable grip on first place for another week. On the other end, Pop finished with the lowest total of the week in both leagues, and he can’t even blame the Eagles (well, Saquon, but that’s it).

Week 5 marks the start of everyone’s favorite fantasy football feature: bye weeks! Just two teams are off this time — the Chefs and Panthers — but there is a Thursday game plus that early Sunday morning Eagles game overseas. So if you want to get any birds in your starting lineup … go get your head checked, you may have a concussion.