We’re seven weeks into the season and it’s pretty clear which division is the dregs of the league.
Only nine wins, and four of those are within the division. Only one team with a winning record. Possibly the worst team in football in last place. Three teams without reliable QBs, and those three teams all have negative point differentials.
Two of these teams were hyped as Super Bowl contenders, and now they all look like a joke. It’s an all-around embarrassment that any of these squads will be allowed into the playoffs. But, those are the rules, as sad as they are. All fans can do is grit their teeth and fight through the awful football in store for the rest of the year.
So shame on you, AFC South, with the 4-2 Jags, 2-5 Colts, 2-5 Texans and 1-6 Titans (pictured above). All of football is horrified by your weak attempts at … wait, you thought I was talking about the NFC East? No. That division has a 4-2-1 Giants team (better record than the Jags) and 11 wins combined (ten and two ties) with six victories outside the division.
Heck, they’re not even the second-worst division — the NFC South has 10 victories and no teams with a winning record. The 3-3 Panthers are in first place.
Funny how no national stories have been written about how both south divisions are struggling messes. Sorry that the “NFC Least” is having a down year, national pundits. Sometimes it’s hard to keep rolling when your division has 15 playoff wins, three Super Bowl appearances and two championships over an eight-year span.
QB: Joe Burrow, 36.88 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 21.80 pts — started by Bob
RB: Tony Pollard, 34.13 pts — started by Mike
TE: Mason Taylor, 20.63 pts — on the wire
K: Cairo Santos, 15.00 pts — started by Jeff
DEF: Tampa Bay, 26.00 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
D: Blake Cashman, 10.00 pts — on the wire
Pollard had 349 yds rushing and one TD through six games coming into Sunday, with just 47 fantasy pts. But against the Browns — a decent defense — he had 129 yds and three TDs, nearly doubling his fantasy total for the season. His Titans still lost, though. Maybe if he had tried for four TDs, they would have pulled it out.
That performance wasn’t as wild as the Buccaneers, who managed five sacks, four turnovers, two TDs and a blocked kick on defense. They won 43-13 against a better Panthers team, with 20 Tampa points coming off of turnovers.
The New Jersey Jets used the #16 pick in this year’s draft to take a TE, and they saw an incredible performance from Taylor on Sunday: five catches, 62 yds and two TDs. Of course, he isn’t the TE the Jets picked this year — that was Kenyon Sadiq, who had one catch for six yds on Sunday. So, maybe not the best investment.
“Carolina game” edition
3rd place: Jalon Daniels, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: David Moore, -2.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Carolina, -6.00 pts — on the wire
** Week 8 at Commanders: Revenge game for Jayden Daniels, who probably should have won the first.
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 21.80 pts — started by Bob
RB: Tony Pollard, 34.13 pts — started by Mike
TE: Mason Taylor, 20.63 pts — on the wire
K: Cairo Santos, 15.00 pts — started by Jeff
DEF: Tampa Bay, 26.00 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
D: Blake Cashman, 10.00 pts — on the wire
Pollard had 349 yds rushing and one TD through six games coming into Sunday, with just 47 fantasy pts. But against the Browns — a decent defense — he had 129 yds and three TDs, nearly doubling his fantasy total for the season. His Titans still lost, though. Maybe if he had tried for four TDs, they would have pulled it out.
That performance wasn’t as wild as the Buccaneers, who managed five sacks, four turnovers, two TDs and a blocked kick on defense. They won 43-13 against a better Panthers team, with 20 Tampa points coming off of turnovers.
The New Jersey Jets used the #16 pick in this year’s draft to take a TE, and they saw an incredible performance from Taylor on Sunday: five catches, 62 yds and two TDs. Of course, he isn’t the TE the Jets picked this year — that was Kenyon Sadiq, who had one catch for six yds on Sunday. So, maybe not the best investment.
“Carolina game” edition3rd place: Jalon Daniels, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: David Moore, -2.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Carolina, -6.00 pts — on the wire
Daniels, who played against the Panthers on Sunday, ended up in negative territory because of meaningless kneel downs at the end of the Bucs big win. Moore, a Panthers wideout, had a fumble on a punt return and did nothing else in the game.
But the Panthers’ defense as a unit did the least work on Sunday: 35 points allowed, no turnovers, no sacks, no signs of life. Carolina has not scored more than 5.00 fantasy points any week this season, except for the 28.00 pts performance against Atlanta in week 2. The NFC South continues to mystify us all.
Andy Dalton continues to be the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.
** During the first quarter of the Lions-Packers game, Green Bay TE broke away from his defender and snagged an easy 14-yard TD pass to tie the game. Fox commentator Tom Brady broke down the play, noting that Kraft’s clever move at the top of his route left him, “as open as a Sunday morning parking lot.”
I get the very forced analogy, since most businesses are closed on Sundays. But you know one really big business that isn’t closed on Sundays? And have overstuffed parking lots, filled with people, with no room to move? PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, TOM.
Of course, good old Tom never had to worry about tailgates or paying for parking at an NFL stadium, so maybe he just doesn’t know that those thousands of fans haven’t been walking to all the games.
** ESPN headline this weekend: “MLB tests out restricted OF shifts in effort to up offense.”
The experiment is happening in the Arizona fall league, where officials mandate where outfielders have to stand before each play starts. The idea “will in theory lead to more doubles and triples.”
You’ll never guess the results: More players are getting hits when the defense is playing out of position. This is the type of high-level scientific thought that only the best sports minds can imagine.
Next up — experimenting to see if throwing only strikes down the middle at under 90 mph makes a difference for hitters.
** Dallas was called for a roughing the passer call early in the second quarter of Monday night which led to a first down inside the red zone and, later, a touchdown for the Eagles. Replays clearly showed a Cowboys defensive tackle pulling QB Tanner McKee down by his facemask. But ESPN commentator Troy Aikman disagreed with the call, saying that he didn’t see much to justify a penalty “other than hitting the quarterback in the head.”
“There’s nothing to support the penalty except for the penalty” is exactly why we have this section of the recap.
But the Panthers’ defense as a unit did the least work on Sunday: 35 points allowed, no turnovers, no sacks, no signs of life. Carolina has not scored more than 5.00 fantasy points any week this season, except for the 28.00 pts performance against Atlanta in week 2. The NFC South continues to mystify us all.
Andy Dalton continues to be the worst fantasy player on the year, with -2.00 pts.
** During the first quarter of the Lions-Packers game, Green Bay TE broke away from his defender and snagged an easy 14-yard TD pass to tie the game. Fox commentator Tom Brady broke down the play, noting that Kraft’s clever move at the top of his route left him, “as open as a Sunday morning parking lot.”I get the very forced analogy, since most businesses are closed on Sundays. But you know one really big business that isn’t closed on Sundays? And have overstuffed parking lots, filled with people, with no room to move? PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, TOM.
Of course, good old Tom never had to worry about tailgates or paying for parking at an NFL stadium, so maybe he just doesn’t know that those thousands of fans haven’t been walking to all the games.
** ESPN headline this weekend: “MLB tests out restricted OF shifts in effort to up offense.”
The experiment is happening in the Arizona fall league, where officials mandate where outfielders have to stand before each play starts. The idea “will in theory lead to more doubles and triples.”
You’ll never guess the results: More players are getting hits when the defense is playing out of position. This is the type of high-level scientific thought that only the best sports minds can imagine.
Next up — experimenting to see if throwing only strikes down the middle at under 90 mph makes a difference for hitters.
** Dallas was called for a roughing the passer call early in the second quarter of Monday night which led to a first down inside the red zone and, later, a touchdown for the Eagles. Replays clearly showed a Cowboys defensive tackle pulling QB Tanner McKee down by his facemask. But ESPN commentator Troy Aikman disagreed with the call, saying that he didn’t see much to justify a penalty “other than hitting the quarterback in the head.”
“There’s nothing to support the penalty except for the penalty” is exactly why we have this section of the recap.
At 2-5, the Eagles season is effectively done. But NFL rules mandate that they show up for the remainder of their schedule anyway. Here’s a quick breakdown of the likelihood of a loss for each of the remaining games:
** Week 8 at Commanders: Revenge game for Jayden Daniels, who probably should have won the first.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 9 vs. Giants: Division leaders will need this game to stay in first.
** Week 9 vs. Giants: Division leaders will need this game to stay in first.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 10 bye: The offense won’t score but the defense may still give up points:
** Week 10 bye: The offense won’t score but the defense may still give up points:
LIKELY NOT A LOSS
** Week 11 vs Steelers: Pittsburgh has some stupid magic about them again.
** Week 11 vs Steelers: Pittsburgh has some stupid magic about them again.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 12 at Cowboys: No reason to think the second game will look different from Monday.
** Week 12 at Cowboys: No reason to think the second game will look different from Monday.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 13 at Cardinals: Even if the Eagles were doing well, they always struggle with the Cardinals.
** Week 13 at Cardinals: Even if the Eagles were doing well, they always struggle with the Cardinals.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 14 vs Colts: Indy Coach Shane Steichen could be auditioning for the Eagles job.
** Week 14 vs Colts: Indy Coach Shane Steichen could be auditioning for the Eagles job.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 15 vs Seahawks: No.
** Week 15 vs Seahawks: No.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 16 vs Texans: Houston may be the only team left that is more disappointing than Philly.
** Week 16 vs Texans: Houston may be the only team left that is more disappointing than Philly.
LIKELY NOT A LOSS
** Week 17 at 49ers: Hell no.
** Week 17 at 49ers: Hell no.
LIKELY LOSS
** Week 18 at Giants: The G-men should be sitting people by this point, so Tanner McKee will get to play against backups again.
** Week 18 at Giants: The G-men should be sitting people by this point, so Tanner McKee will get to play against backups again.
LIKELY NOT A LOSS
4-13, here we come!
Any time the Cowboys travel to Philly, they bring a dark cloud with them. Win or lose (but especially if the Eagles lose), you can feel some of the joy and the heart of the city dissolve just from the presence of pure evil that has descended into the neighborhood. But, that should come as no surprise, given that the darkness such a visit embodies is obvious in the letters of the trip description itself:
Dallas Cowboys team returns to Philadelphia
** Worst day: Hate boils, crime up, no help at all. Sad.
You’d think city officials would have learned by now to put extra cops on the street for these games, but they’re probably overcome by the emotion of the moment too.
** I split my picks with Dad this week, so I remain one behind in our season-long showdown. We’re both barely over .500 for the season, when we usually pick around two-thirds of games correct. It has just been a weird year.
** The Sixers had to lose eventually, right?
** San Francisco opened up its game against the Falcons with a 64-yard TD drive that featured 29 yards rushing from RB Christian McCaffrey and 40 yards receiving from him.
No, you read that right. Not only did no one else help on the drive, McCaffrey actually picked up 69 yards on the 64-yard drive, thanks to a false start penalty on the offensive line. Football stats are dumb.
** Only one undefeated team left in the league, and it’s … the Vikings, who have the fifth fewest points in the league. The Commanders have scored a touchdown more than Minnesota but are 1-4-1. Maybe the Vikings can make it all the way and we can finally see a 3-0 Super Bowl victory.
Family Cup — Week 7 standings
House Shane: 14-7
House Doyle: 12-9
House Garrity: 9-12
House Quinn: 7-14
4-13, here we come!
Any time the Cowboys travel to Philly, they bring a dark cloud with them. Win or lose (but especially if the Eagles lose), you can feel some of the joy and the heart of the city dissolve just from the presence of pure evil that has descended into the neighborhood. But, that should come as no surprise, given that the darkness such a visit embodies is obvious in the letters of the trip description itself: Dallas Cowboys team returns to Philadelphia
** Worst day: Hate boils, crime up, no help at all. Sad.
You’d think city officials would have learned by now to put extra cops on the street for these games, but they’re probably overcome by the emotion of the moment too.
** I split my picks with Dad this week, so I remain one behind in our season-long showdown. We’re both barely over .500 for the season, when we usually pick around two-thirds of games correct. It has just been a weird year.** The Sixers had to lose eventually, right?
** San Francisco opened up its game against the Falcons with a 64-yard TD drive that featured 29 yards rushing from RB Christian McCaffrey and 40 yards receiving from him.
No, you read that right. Not only did no one else help on the drive, McCaffrey actually picked up 69 yards on the 64-yard drive, thanks to a false start penalty on the offensive line. Football stats are dumb.
** Only one undefeated team left in the league, and it’s … the Vikings, who have the fifth fewest points in the league. The Commanders have scored a touchdown more than Minnesota but are 1-4-1. Maybe the Vikings can make it all the way and we can finally see a 3-0 Super Bowl victory.
Family Cup — Week 7 standings
House Shane: 14-7
House Doyle: 12-9
House Garrity: 9-12
House Quinn: 7-14
Game of the week goes to Jonathan’s win over Mike, with the boy prevailing by just 0.30 pts — three rushing yds. This is Mike’s second loss in three weeks, by a combined 1.9 fantasy pts. Tough break, and it leaves us with a four-way tie for first at 5-2: Shane, Dad, Jonathan and Mike. But of that group, Mike has scored 127 more fantasy points than any other team, so perhaps it’s early to be writing about his fall from grace.
If the playoffs were to start today, all of Team Shane would be in, two-thirds of Team Doyle would make it, and Shane would represent Team Quinn. But we’re only halfway through the season, so nothing is set yet.
Awesome Cup — Week 7 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 905.02 pts
2 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 886.55 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 873.15 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 836.93 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 802.62 pts
6 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 802.32 pts
7 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 797.41 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 760.75 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 721.38 pts
10 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 706.27 pts
We’re starting to see our tiers set in place in the standings. Jonathan remains in the lead, but Ant’s week-leading 148.22 pts put him just a step behind in second, and just a step ahead of Mom D’s still solid squad.
After that, it’s a full jump down to my team, and another jump down to the Mike-Joel-Bob group. Beyond that, things are getting sketchy. Pop had an incredible run of bad luck this week, managing only two players who scored in double digits and a defense (49ers) that threw up a -3.00. He managed only 62.62 pts, while the players on his bench totaled 78.74 pts. Ouch. He’d be upset if he was in the country, which he is not.
Speaking of people who should be kicked out of the country, the NFL schedule makers have no international games this week, but we do still have four byes (Texans, Saints, Giants and 49ers) and a Thursday game to navigate. So set your teams early and often.
If the playoffs were to start today, all of Team Shane would be in, two-thirds of Team Doyle would make it, and Shane would represent Team Quinn. But we’re only halfway through the season, so nothing is set yet.
Awesome Cup — Week 7 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 905.02 pts
2 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 886.55 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 873.15 pts
4 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 836.93 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 802.62 pts
6 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 802.32 pts
7 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 797.41 pts
8 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 760.75 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 721.38 pts
10 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 706.27 pts
We’re starting to see our tiers set in place in the standings. Jonathan remains in the lead, but Ant’s week-leading 148.22 pts put him just a step behind in second, and just a step ahead of Mom D’s still solid squad.
After that, it’s a full jump down to my team, and another jump down to the Mike-Joel-Bob group. Beyond that, things are getting sketchy. Pop had an incredible run of bad luck this week, managing only two players who scored in double digits and a defense (49ers) that threw up a -3.00. He managed only 62.62 pts, while the players on his bench totaled 78.74 pts. Ouch. He’d be upset if he was in the country, which he is not.
Speaking of people who should be kicked out of the country, the NFL schedule makers have no international games this week, but we do still have four byes (Texans, Saints, Giants and 49ers) and a Thursday game to navigate. So set your teams early and often.
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