DT Jordan Davis' trade to the Jaguars for two high draft picks shook the Philly fan base this week, even if it sets up the franchise for rebuilding hopes down the road. But that proposal wasn’t close to the most shocking one on the table for the team this week. Consider these other potential deals:
** RB Saquon Barkley for a 2nd and a 3rd
The Eagles front office ran this one forward a few times, but it just kept getting brought down right at the line of scrimmage.
** CB Cooper DeJean for a 3rd and a punch in the head
Other teams wanted at least two punches to Howie Roseman’s mug, but the Eagles would only counter with another championship beer to his face.
** OT Jordan Mailata for a 3rd and a recording of Happy Birthday
Ultimately, the Eagles decided that they could not pull off another Christmas album without him.
** Coach Nick Sirianni and the Eagles next six 1st round picks for literally nothing
Every team that heard the offer said the price was still too steep.
** WR AJ Brown for a 1st and a 5th
The Patriots wouldn’t agree to do this one again for some reason.
QB: C.J. Stroud, 45.36 pts — started by Bob
WR: Puka Nacua, 23.50 pts — started by Jo
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 35.54 pts — started by Bob
TE: Darren Waller, 16.00 pts — on the wire
K (tie): Ka'imi Fairbairn, 17.00 pts — started by Mike
K (tie): Dominic Zvada, 17.00 pts — on the wire
K (tie): Cam Little, 17.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF (tie): 49ers, 18.00 pts — on Dad’s bench
DEF (tie): Bills, 18.00 pts — on the wire
D: Arvell Reese, 13.00 pts — on the wire
Joe Burrow (started by Jonathan) threw three touchdowns, rushed for another and couldn’t even crack the top two passers this week (35.54 pts). Jordan Love (on Jonathan’s bench) had the same TD line as Burrow but had 100 more passing yds (42.18 pts). But Stroud had five passing touchdowns and nearly 400 yds of passing, besting the position for the week.
Nacua has 70 catches and 715 yds this season in just seven games … and that might be all he gets. He blew out his PCL and MCL on the final play of the Rams win on Sunday, putting him on the injured list for the second time this year. We’re gonna have a whole Pro Bowl team on IR by the end of the year.
Three more kickers had 16.00 fantasy pts this week. I’m not listing them. Frankly, this is too much attention being paid to kickers in this column already.
“Passing grades” edition
3rd place (tie): Joe Fagnano, -0.30 pts — on the wire
3rd place (tie): Mac Jones -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Justin Fields, -2.10 pts — on the wire
1st place: Carson Wentz, -2.76pts — on the wire
Jones had a handful of kneel-downs at the end of a 49ers win. Fields came in for two QB sneaks in the middle of the Chiefs win, rushing for -1 yds and fumbling away the ball. Neither were good.
But there’s a big difference between those two and Fagnano, the third-string Ravens QB forced into his first start this week. For the second game in a row, he played nearly the entire contest. And for the second game in a row, he recorded negative fantasy points. Against the Bills two weeks ago, he was 10 for 21 with 91 passing yds and two turnovers (-0.06 fantasy pts). On Thursday, he was 10 for 18 for 60 yds with two more interceptions (-0.30 fantasy pts).
The Ravens traded for Cardinals QB Jacoby Brissett last week, so this was probably Fagnano’s last start of the year. Or any year, given how bad it has gone so far.
But no one managed to top Vikings QB Carson Wentz, who had two picks and fewer than 81 passing yds on Monday night. He was facing a fearsome Bills defense that had allowed 29 or more points in five of its previous seven games, but Minnesota managed only six. The Vikings traded for Raiders QB Kirk Cousins less than 20 hours later, so Carson may be finished for the season too.
For the record, Fields is now the worst fantasy player on the season, with -2.10 pts. Andy Dalton is second, at -2.00 pts.
** Texas A&M totaled 457 yds in their game against South Carolina on Saturday — 100 more than their opponents — including 206 yards on the ground. They had 26 first downs and held the ball for 10 minutes more than the Gamecocks. And they had zero turnovers and recovered a fumble to win the turnover battle.
So, naturally, the Aggies lost, 17-9.
I’ve looked over the box score five times and can’t make sense of how they traveled up and down the field nearly five times and never found the end zone. It wasn’t end zone interceptions. They were 0-2 on fourth down, which isn’t great, but isn’t 0-6 either. They had eight penalties, but a bunch were on defense. They just … forgot how to score touchdowns.
It’s one thing when you have a team like the Eagles, who can’t move the ball or score. But when you can move the ball, just keep plowing ahead a little more. It makes the final score nicer.
** From the Atlantic’s daily NBA newsletter this week: “Are the Sixers too clutch?”
Ah, yes. I’ve also been asking if they are too great for their own good. What if they forget what it’s like to choke at the end of a game? Will fans be too startled to enjoy it?
** ESPN’s recap of Buffalo’s trade for S Amani Hooker:
“The Bills began the season with veteran C.J. Gardner-Johnson as the answer to their safety problems, but that experiment didn't even last into the second half of the season. After signing a $6 million deal with the Bills, Gardner-Johnson underwhelmed in the season's early going and earned a one-game suspension for spitting at an opponent during a Week 6 matchup against Las Vegas. One day after Gardner-Johnson's suspension expired on Nov. 3, the Bills released him.”
Yes, this truly was a shock to all of us. Who would have predicted that C.J. — who has played for five teams in the last three years and repeatedly clashed with coaches and teammates — would not have worked out with the Bills?
That said, you know the Eagles are gonna bring him back to finish the year.
** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is the 26th highest scoring QB in fantasy on the season, despite being on injured reserve for the last month. He is three points ahead of Colts QB Daniel Jones and Chargers QB Justin Herbet, neither of whom have missed a game to injury yet.
** WR Darius Cooper has more tackles on the year (7) than edge rusher Jonathan Greenard (5).
** You already know that Eagles P Braden Mann kicked both an 86-yard punt and a punt that went for -2 yards in Sunday’s loss. But did you know he also had a 62-yard punt and a 17-yarder in the game too? Dude was all over the place.
** So far this season, 17 players have caught at least one pass for the team. Last year, for the entire 17-game regular season slate, only 14 players had a reception.
** WR Makai Lemon leads the team in receiving yards (312) and receptions (37) but still has fewer rushing yards than you (-5).
** The Eagles are averaging 16.1 points per game, which seems high because I don’t remember the last time they scored more than a dozen points.
One of the things I’ve learned while doing these anagrams for 20 years now is that the evil inside the Cowboys organization comes in many different forms. Sometimes it’s hatred for a fellow man, sometimes it's disrespect for law and order, sometimes it’s just pure homicidal rage. And sometimes, it’s just about being gross.
Take, for example, Cowboys defensive tackle Otito Ogbonnia, whose name I totally did not just make up. He has been a regular for the team, with 14 solo tackles and 10 assists on the year. His production is the kind of performance that his teammates like to back up … as long as they don’t have to stand behind him. Why? The answer is clearly spelled out in his name:
Dallas DT Otito Ogbonnia
** Load in — Toots big and a lot.
Maybe try eating more vegetables and less barbecue. Dallas Stadium already stinks of failure, it doesn’t need any more help.
** I dropped two more picks to Dad this week, falling behind four in the season prognostication standings. One loss was the Browns one-point defeat after they stupidly went for two in overtime. The other was the Packers destroying the Patriots. I was only off by three scores on that one.
** I guess I need to return that Riq Woolen jersey I bought for the kids as a Christmas present.
** The Eagles have 10 draft picks in the first two rounds over the next three years which is neat because draft picks always turn out great. Who do you think will be the next Jalen Reagor to join the team?
Family Cup — Week 9 standings
House Shane: 20-7
House Doyle: 16-11
House Garrity: 10-17
House Quinn: 8-19
Emma’s close victory over Shane knocked him out of the four-way first-place tie, so he has to settle for fourth for the week. And he faces Mike’s first-place squad this week, while our other two leaders — Pop and Jonathan — square off against each other. That means House Shane (not Coach Shane, who is in House Quinn, do try and keep up) will suffer at least one loss next week, unless we have a Commanders-Giants scenario. Related, the Commanders and Giants play again this week.
There are only five weeks left in the league’s regular season, and House Garrity needs to get on a win streak to get a team into playoff position. Unfortunately, both Jims square off this weekend in what may be a family elimination game. Hopefully there isn’t a side bet of who gets to keep the name.
Awesome Cup — Week 9 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 1,182.06 pts
2 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,110.68 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,101.91 pts
4 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 1,055.87 pts
5 — Center City Brownout (Capt Awesome), 1,026.57 pts
6 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 1,013.23 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 988.00 pts
8 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 980.98 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 957.29 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 896.41 pts
Strong weeks from Ant, Bob, Jonathan and Jo — all over 130 pts — moved them up the standings, while terrible performances by me, Jeff and Joel sent us in the wrong direction. Jonathan maintains a 100-plus-pts lead on everyone except Ant and Mom D, but it’s gonna take a big push to reel him in.
That starts next week. Three teams have a bye:the Bears, the Broncos and the Buccaneers. The Eagles’ organization also has off this week, although I’d hardly consider that mess a team. The Patriots and Lions play in Germany because we needed another badly timed Sunday game. Get those rosters set early.
WR: Puka Nacua, 23.50 pts — started by Jo
RB: Kenneth Walker III, 35.54 pts — started by Bob
TE: Darren Waller, 16.00 pts — on the wire
K (tie): Ka'imi Fairbairn, 17.00 pts — started by Mike
K (tie): Dominic Zvada, 17.00 pts — on the wire
K (tie): Cam Little, 17.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF (tie): 49ers, 18.00 pts — on Dad’s bench
DEF (tie): Bills, 18.00 pts — on the wire
D: Arvell Reese, 13.00 pts — on the wire
Joe Burrow (started by Jonathan) threw three touchdowns, rushed for another and couldn’t even crack the top two passers this week (35.54 pts). Jordan Love (on Jonathan’s bench) had the same TD line as Burrow but had 100 more passing yds (42.18 pts). But Stroud had five passing touchdowns and nearly 400 yds of passing, besting the position for the week.
Nacua has 70 catches and 715 yds this season in just seven games … and that might be all he gets. He blew out his PCL and MCL on the final play of the Rams win on Sunday, putting him on the injured list for the second time this year. We’re gonna have a whole Pro Bowl team on IR by the end of the year.
Three more kickers had 16.00 fantasy pts this week. I’m not listing them. Frankly, this is too much attention being paid to kickers in this column already.
“Passing grades” edition3rd place (tie): Joe Fagnano, -0.30 pts — on the wire
3rd place (tie): Mac Jones -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Justin Fields, -2.10 pts — on the wire
1st place: Carson Wentz, -2.76pts — on the wire
Jones had a handful of kneel-downs at the end of a 49ers win. Fields came in for two QB sneaks in the middle of the Chiefs win, rushing for -1 yds and fumbling away the ball. Neither were good.
But there’s a big difference between those two and Fagnano, the third-string Ravens QB forced into his first start this week. For the second game in a row, he played nearly the entire contest. And for the second game in a row, he recorded negative fantasy points. Against the Bills two weeks ago, he was 10 for 21 with 91 passing yds and two turnovers (-0.06 fantasy pts). On Thursday, he was 10 for 18 for 60 yds with two more interceptions (-0.30 fantasy pts).
The Ravens traded for Cardinals QB Jacoby Brissett last week, so this was probably Fagnano’s last start of the year. Or any year, given how bad it has gone so far.
But no one managed to top Vikings QB Carson Wentz, who had two picks and fewer than 81 passing yds on Monday night. He was facing a fearsome Bills defense that had allowed 29 or more points in five of its previous seven games, but Minnesota managed only six. The Vikings traded for Raiders QB Kirk Cousins less than 20 hours later, so Carson may be finished for the season too.
For the record, Fields is now the worst fantasy player on the season, with -2.10 pts. Andy Dalton is second, at -2.00 pts.
** Texas A&M totaled 457 yds in their game against South Carolina on Saturday — 100 more than their opponents — including 206 yards on the ground. They had 26 first downs and held the ball for 10 minutes more than the Gamecocks. And they had zero turnovers and recovered a fumble to win the turnover battle.
So, naturally, the Aggies lost, 17-9.
I’ve looked over the box score five times and can’t make sense of how they traveled up and down the field nearly five times and never found the end zone. It wasn’t end zone interceptions. They were 0-2 on fourth down, which isn’t great, but isn’t 0-6 either. They had eight penalties, but a bunch were on defense. They just … forgot how to score touchdowns.
It’s one thing when you have a team like the Eagles, who can’t move the ball or score. But when you can move the ball, just keep plowing ahead a little more. It makes the final score nicer.
** From the Atlantic’s daily NBA newsletter this week: “Are the Sixers too clutch?”
Ah, yes. I’ve also been asking if they are too great for their own good. What if they forget what it’s like to choke at the end of a game? Will fans be too startled to enjoy it?
** ESPN’s recap of Buffalo’s trade for S Amani Hooker:
“The Bills began the season with veteran C.J. Gardner-Johnson as the answer to their safety problems, but that experiment didn't even last into the second half of the season. After signing a $6 million deal with the Bills, Gardner-Johnson underwhelmed in the season's early going and earned a one-game suspension for spitting at an opponent during a Week 6 matchup against Las Vegas. One day after Gardner-Johnson's suspension expired on Nov. 3, the Bills released him.”
Yes, this truly was a shock to all of us. Who would have predicted that C.J. — who has played for five teams in the last three years and repeatedly clashed with coaches and teammates — would not have worked out with the Bills?
That said, you know the Eagles are gonna bring him back to finish the year.
More stats about the Eagles that show this team makes no sense.
** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is the 26th highest scoring QB in fantasy on the season, despite being on injured reserve for the last month. He is three points ahead of Colts QB Daniel Jones and Chargers QB Justin Herbet, neither of whom have missed a game to injury yet.
** WR Darius Cooper has more tackles on the year (7) than edge rusher Jonathan Greenard (5).
** You already know that Eagles P Braden Mann kicked both an 86-yard punt and a punt that went for -2 yards in Sunday’s loss. But did you know he also had a 62-yard punt and a 17-yarder in the game too? Dude was all over the place.
** So far this season, 17 players have caught at least one pass for the team. Last year, for the entire 17-game regular season slate, only 14 players had a reception.
** WR Makai Lemon leads the team in receiving yards (312) and receptions (37) but still has fewer rushing yards than you (-5).
** The Eagles are averaging 16.1 points per game, which seems high because I don’t remember the last time they scored more than a dozen points.
One of the things I’ve learned while doing these anagrams for 20 years now is that the evil inside the Cowboys organization comes in many different forms. Sometimes it’s hatred for a fellow man, sometimes it's disrespect for law and order, sometimes it’s just pure homicidal rage. And sometimes, it’s just about being gross. Take, for example, Cowboys defensive tackle Otito Ogbonnia, whose name I totally did not just make up. He has been a regular for the team, with 14 solo tackles and 10 assists on the year. His production is the kind of performance that his teammates like to back up … as long as they don’t have to stand behind him. Why? The answer is clearly spelled out in his name:
Dallas DT Otito Ogbonnia
** Load in — Toots big and a lot.
Maybe try eating more vegetables and less barbecue. Dallas Stadium already stinks of failure, it doesn’t need any more help.
** I dropped two more picks to Dad this week, falling behind four in the season prognostication standings. One loss was the Browns one-point defeat after they stupidly went for two in overtime. The other was the Packers destroying the Patriots. I was only off by three scores on that one. ** I guess I need to return that Riq Woolen jersey I bought for the kids as a Christmas present.
** The Eagles have 10 draft picks in the first two rounds over the next three years which is neat because draft picks always turn out great. Who do you think will be the next Jalen Reagor to join the team?
Family Cup — Week 9 standings
House Shane: 20-7
House Doyle: 16-11
House Garrity: 10-17
House Quinn: 8-19
Emma’s close victory over Shane knocked him out of the four-way first-place tie, so he has to settle for fourth for the week. And he faces Mike’s first-place squad this week, while our other two leaders — Pop and Jonathan — square off against each other. That means House Shane (not Coach Shane, who is in House Quinn, do try and keep up) will suffer at least one loss next week, unless we have a Commanders-Giants scenario. Related, the Commanders and Giants play again this week.
There are only five weeks left in the league’s regular season, and House Garrity needs to get on a win streak to get a team into playoff position. Unfortunately, both Jims square off this weekend in what may be a family elimination game. Hopefully there isn’t a side bet of who gets to keep the name.
Awesome Cup — Week 9 standings
1 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 1,182.06 pts
2 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,110.68 pts
3 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,101.91 pts
4 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 1,055.87 pts
5 — Center City Brownout (Capt Awesome), 1,026.57 pts
6 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 1,013.23 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 988.00 pts
8 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 980.98 pts
9 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 957.29 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 896.41 pts
Strong weeks from Ant, Bob, Jonathan and Jo — all over 130 pts — moved them up the standings, while terrible performances by me, Jeff and Joel sent us in the wrong direction. Jonathan maintains a 100-plus-pts lead on everyone except Ant and Mom D, but it’s gonna take a big push to reel him in.
That starts next week. Three teams have a bye:the Bears, the Broncos and the Buccaneers. The Eagles’ organization also has off this week, although I’d hardly consider that mess a team. The Patriots and Lions play in Germany because we needed another badly timed Sunday game. Get those rosters set early.
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